Marauders Rare Pairs ♦ Fic: The Hard Way, Part II
Title: The Hard Way (Part II)
Author: deathlydragon
Pairing: James/Regulus
Rating: NC-17
Word Count: 10.433
Prompt: #69: dirty little secret
Warnings: Dub-con, underage.
Summary: James is frustrated with his life - especially with his love life. Regulus Black turns out to be a great distraction.
Author's Notes: The story takes place during James’s sixth and Regulus fifth year. Hope you enjoy it! I’d really like to thank L. for the beta!
Part One
The casual thing between them was the best that happened to James that year. Regulus was caring for James’s ego like for a cute cat, and said cat would get very fat and lazy in Regulus’ ownership. Never before had James’s romantic advances hit the target, again and again. Regulus never rejected him, not like Lily Evans, he always let James have his way with him.
Until one cloudy February day.
“Look who’s hiding behind this tree.” James crawled around said tree and found Regulus leaning against the trunk. It was one of the first warmer days of the year, but not so sunny to lure a lot of students outside. There was more than enough privacy to enjoy, so James had owled Regulus right away.
Only to bump against a pile of books before his lips could reach Regulus’ mouth. “What’s this?” James grabbed Intermediate Transfiguration and glared at it.
“Sorry,” Regulus said indifferently, not even looking at James. He was scribbling on a roll of parchment, already six inches long. “I need to finish this essay on vanishing spells. I thought I’d be done by now, but it’s quite complicated.”
James was not sure what to do. If Regulus was busy, he would surely like to be alone, but why was he here when he wanted to be alone?
“Uhm…” James reached for the parchment. “You just need a break, and I’m going to distract -”
“Potter.” Regulus pulled his parchment away, shooting a warning glare at James. “I really can’t. Transfiguration is difficult, and my father expects me to bring an Outstanding home.”
James had to laugh at this. “No one can expect that.”
Regulus looked cold as always, but he twitched away, hurt. “He expects me to be as good as Sirius was.”
Sometimes James forgot that Sirius was a brilliant student, almost as good as he was, but Sirius had always had time for James, even with their OWLs looming at the horizon.
“Come on… Your father doesn’t care, anyway. He’s used to disappointments.”
“I’m not going to be a disappointment,” Regulus stated, and despite trying hard to hide it, he could not suppress a yawn. “Even if it kills me.”
James smiled gently. Regulus looked adorable when he was tired - something that should not be allowed. Out of pure instinct and without any intentions, James patted Regulus’ shoulder.
“Hey, other much stupider people managed the OWLs.”
Although there was no orgasm in reach, emotions flickered up on Regulus’ face. James wondered if this was the moment in which he would finally see Regulus smile. It was not. But Regulus did not move away anymore when James erased the distance between them. He spread his legs.
“Come here.” James motioned him to sit between his legs and fought Regulus’ sceptical glance with his grin. He won. Regulus sighed and took the place where James wanted him, leaning back against James’s chest. “I’ve got an Outstanding in Transfiguration. Let me help you.”
“Without ulterior motives, of course.” Regulus pulled his legs up to roll his parchment open and let James get a good look at his writing. At once, James discovered something where Regulus was better than Sirius: his handwriting. Sirius’ was a pain for the eyes, and Regulus’ was full of elegant curlicues and still easily readable. Added to that, Regulus was concentrated and curious, sadly a bit too eager to do everything himself, since he only allowed James to give him tips.
Like this, it took them longer to finish the essay than it would have otherwise. While Regulus was writing his last paragraph, hopefully, James rested his chin on the slender shoulder, his arms closing around Regulus’ chest. That was nice, even with too many clothes between them.
“I think I’m done,” Regulus said eventually. The bright light of the sun was not making it through the white clouds anymore, and the grounds were bathed in shadows. It was starting to get colder. “Do you want to read over this?”
James had done so while Regulus was writing. “No. I’d rather do other things.”
Regulus shook his head slightly, soft strands of hair tickling James’s nose. He rolled the parchment together and tried to put it into his bag. James did not let him get an inch away.
“Potter.” Regulus made another attempt to get away before he gave up and leant back against James’s chest. “What’s this about?”
“I’m a nice guy,” James said, earning a soft snort for this. “I am. Do you need any more help?”
“I… don’t -”
“You seem tired, Black. I do like it more when you’re well rested.”
“Fine.” Regulus turned just enough in the tight knot of James’s arms to build up eye contact. “Can you practice Quidditch for me, take over my Prefect duties, attend Professor Slughorn’s dinners, finish all homework in time, and be the heir my father always dreamt of?”
“Merlin’s beard, no wonder you look tired.” James stroked over Regulus’ cheek, not far away from the dark circles under his eyes. “Still beautiful, though.”
And finally, Regulus smiled. His lips curled upwards, accompanied on their unpractised ascent by an adorable blush. The smile even felt good under James’s palm. He wondered what it would be like to kiss it. He leant forward and hesitated. This was such a beautiful moment that it would score second place in a beauty competition with Regulus; he did not want to destroy it.
Regulus seemed confused that James did not throw him around and ripped his clothes off. “You haven’t told anyone, right?”
James blinked, brutally pulled from this moment. “What?”
“You’re behaving weirdly,” Regulus said. “As if you have a bad conscience.”
“Oh, thanks. Let me make a mental note to never compliment you again, Black,” James said, smirking. Even Regulus’ distrust was not offensive. It was odd how comfortable James felt around him, how sure of himself, without the slightest hint of insecurity welling up and needing to be locked away as quickly as possible, so very different than how he felt around Lily Evans.
He wondered if Regulus felt equally comfortable around him. They never talked much, and if they did then Regulus swallowed most of his emotions.
“My parents are going to kill me if they ever find out… about this.” Regulus pointed from himself to James. “You know?”
He had not known or ever thought about this. James gulped hard. “Then why are you doing it?”
Regulus looked at him for a long moment. His eyes were hard to read, like the grey mist in the woods on early morning and just as easy to get lost in. He did not explain anything and leant against James’s shoulder.
James held him close. That made it more than crystal clear that this would never be more than some fling, even if he had wanted it to be more. Which he did not. Not at all.
*
“I saw you with Lily Evans today.”
“What?” James had not expected any talking when he was buried to the hilt in Regulus. This talking-thing started to become a bigger part of their relationship, and James thought it was quite alright, but not during sex. “How… Where are your thoughts?”
Regulus was on top of him. The idea of his back being rubbed over the dusty floor of the broom cupboard had almost destroyed the tension, so James had instantly pulled him on his lap. Now, Regulus was doing all the work, deliciously pushing himself up and down, and James wished there would be more light in the small room, because Regulus was definitely red enough to share his embarrassment with three other people.
“You had this box of chocolate behind your back, a nice big heart,” Regulus said, his voice nearly soundless because of the lack of air and fear to speak too loud. “Very nice Valentine’s present.”
“Fuck you, Black.”
“Oh, I am.” Regulus pushed himself upwards and left James hanging close to his climax. His hands flew to James’s waist and kept him from raising his hips. “And I’ll stop if you don’t tell me how it felt.”
“Tease,” James hissed between clenched teeth. He should have known that it could not be a good idea to give Regulus a position of power. “And I don’t know -”
“She screamed at you even before you could gift her the chocolate, and then you threw said chocolate in the shrubs, came looking for me and threw me into this broom cupboard.”
“You like it when I throw you around.” James demonstrated his point and rolled Regulus around, putting an end to his teasing. He settled Regulus’ legs around his waist and pushed his still buried cock hard forward. Regulus let out a pained scream that would scare everyone outside the cupboard away - hopefully. His sweaty back glided over the floor, cleaned it better than Filch could ever do, and the raw stones had to leave easily traceable scratches on Regulus’ sensitive skin. James grabbed him tightly by the hips, surely leaving bruises, but keeping Regulus in a steady position instead of chafing him over the ground rampantly.
Their bodies were so tightly pressed together that James’s stomach was the only friction Regulus needed. He came with another scream that James never allowed to leave his lips. He caught every noise with his lips, fitting their mouths together in a desperate kiss. Regulus returned his kiss eagerly and clung to James’s shoulder, rolling his hips back. His clenching muscles dragged James’s orgasm out.
He abandoned Regulus’ lips to recover his breath. James rolled off of Regulus and sat back against the wall, his chest rising heavily. Regulus was lying completely useless on the same floor that, a few minutes ago, had brought a cute disgusted expression on his face. James could not suppress his grin, neither did he want to. He pulled Regulus against his side and tugged Regulus’ head on his chest. Like this, he was able to bring his ruffled hair in an even more chaotic mess.
“I don’t know why you waste your time with her,” Regulus panted.
James was lacking the breath for more than a questioning noise.
“You’re too awesome to be treated like that,” Regulus continued. “She doesn’t give you a chance to prove it. It’s her fault when she misses this.” His hand wandered from James’s chest to his stomach and even lower.
James grinned widely until Regulus said, “Don’t let her get you down.”
James felt an uncomfortable heat flaring up in his cheeks. He was glad that it was too dark for anyone to see him blush, but Regulus was awfully close to his erratic heartbeat. How pathetic was that? And how pathetic was Regulus’ little crush on him?
“Are you jealous?” James asked.
“I only think you deserve better.”
As if he was not already close to a heart attack, James now felt the weird urge to hug Regulus tighter and kiss him. “And what do I deserve? You?”
Regulus snorted - a huge stumbling block for James’s heart on its way to win the race. “No… No, you deserve someone who can scream about your awesomeness loud enough for the whole world to hear.”
And Regulus was not crushing hard enough on him to do that. James did not know why that realisation itched in his chest. He forced a grin.
“Thanks, Black. Now, please continue that speech about my awesomeness.”
“Maybe if you find a better place for this. I feel dirty,” Regulus said grimly.
Grinning smugly, James said, “You are dirty. Metaphorical.”
And eventually, he heard Regulus laugh - not much more than an enticing mix of a snort and a chuckle, but it was a good start. It also was the best Valentine’s gift he could have asked for.
*
It was after a dreadful lonely detention that Sirius ran into James outside the common room.
“Hey, mate. I was checking the mirror every minute for you -”
James silenced him with a wave. “Not now, Padfoot. Need to take a bath in the Prefect’s bathroom. Best ideas there.” And with that he jumped on the staircase that was already moving away from Sirius. He had no chance to get after James.
So that was how James felt when Lily Evans turned him down.
Sirius said the password and entered the common room. In his dormitory he found Remus lying on his bed and stroking Peter’s belly - more precisely, the belly of a rat that served as the pet Remus’ parents did not allow him.
“How was detention?” Remus wanted to know.
“Boring.” Sirius pointed at Peter’s rat form as he walked over to his bed. “Does he have trouble changing back again?”
“Oh, we’re fine,” Remus said hastily, pressing Peter to his chest. The rat squealed uncomfortably, and Remus tried to drown the noise by speaking extra loudly. “James just went out looking for you. You should’ve run into him.”
Sirius felt a by now way too familiar frown on his forehead. “No… I haven’t seen him.”
Remus was too busy tossing Peter into the air, catching him again and again, so Sirius took the opportunity to sneak to James’s bedside table. He found the Map in the lowest drawer, as expected. James could not have anything to hide if he left it here.
Sirius tapped the parchment with his wand and said: “I solemnly swear that I’m up to no good.”
“Oh, and what are we up to this time?” Remus asked. Peter desperately tried to escape his fist, and Remus took that as a playful invitation to let him crawl into his other fist and back into the first and so on.
“I’m looking for James so I can tell him that he missed me.” Sirius looked back down at the map, and found James far away from the Prefect’s bathroom on his way to a secret passageway on the third floor. “Wanna come with me?”
“Nah…” Remus crouched on his bed and tried to look underneath it. “Looks like I lost Peter. Wormtail?” He almost fell off his bed when he stretched too far. It was hilarious. And because of James, Sirius had to leave before he could watch Remus falling off the bed. He would pay for that. And he would double-pay for having secrets.
The third floor was full of people. Sirius had to lean against the tapestry that hid the passageway and pretend he was up to something evil until everyone fled due to his reputation. After a dreadfully long conversation with Miss Prefect 1977 Lily Evans, Sirius was eventually able to slip behind the tapestry.
The corridor behind it was dark and just a little dusty. A few fragile spider webs covered the corners of the ceiling, and Sirius realised that he was still kid enough to jump up to rip them down. Like this, the way down the corridor was a lot more fun.
He heard James’s voice after taking a precipitous winding staircase down. Behind the corner a Lumos spent a dim light for whatever his friend was doing.
“I thought you’d be better at this, Black.” Whatever his friend was doing, it was with his baby brother.
Sirius was sure the wrinkles of his deep frown would never vanish again. Confused, he peered around the corner.
Regulus was kneeling on the ground and James’s robe had fallen back over his legs. “Fuck you, Potter,” he said, and in fifteen years of living with him, Sirius had never heard his brother talk like that.
“You know I’m joking, right?” James was audibly grinning. He pulled Regulus to his feet and wrapped his arms around him in something that seemed to be a hug. Then he whirled him around and slammed him against the wall. For a moment, Sirius was sure James would kiss Regulus, but then he only whispered something into Regulus’ ear.
Next to them was a niche embedded into the wall, once used to hold a torch. James guided Regulus against that hole and shoved him upwards. They pulled at each other’s robes, ineffectually dragging them in different directions, and Sirius watched in shock how James fastened Regulus’ pale legs around his waist. James moved his hips forward, and Sirius was glad that he could not see what they were doing exactly. With each violent thrust, James’s robe slipped lower from his shoulder. Regulus’ hand appeared on James’s back, clawing to the bare skin and scratching over it.
So that was where the weird scratches and bruises on James’s skin always came from.
Sirius shuddered. He wanted to step backwards, but stumbled in the wrong direction and had the best view of his best friend kissing his baby brother. Their mouths so tightly locked together that it seemed impossible to breathe properly. Their movements looked so feral and violent, and like absolutely everything Sirius had never wanted to see.
Choking, he turned around, but somewhere underneath the heavy thoughts of where the next nice cuddly blanket to hide under was, Sirius tried to think positively. There was no better way to get his brother back than having him fall for James.
Then again, he’d still seen way too much.
*
The Easter holidays were the ideal opportunity to spend entire days in bed with Regulus. The Gryffindor dormitory, even the common room belonged to James Potter. He was the only Gryffindor staying at Hogwarts over the holidays, a decision he had quickly come to after not only Remus and Peter visited their parents, but even Sirius wanted to meet his cousin Andromeda and play with that perpetually different looking baby, child, whatever it was by now.
Although it was strange that Sirius wanted to spend more than a week without James, he did not question his motives. He had convinced Regulus to stay, and on top of that, Snivellus was staying, too. Since Sirius was not there to celebrate McGonagall’s closed eyes, James forced Regulus to help him make Snape’s life even more miserable.
And after a momentary reluctance, Regulus had helped him glue Snape to the ceiling of the Great Hall, despite not showing more amusement about James’s jokes than Lily Evans did. A twitching mouth seemed to be all he would ever get with these actions from his love interests.
Love interest did not seem to be the right word to describe Regulus, though.
James watched Regulus sleeping next to him. The holidays were almost over, and James had not realised it until he’d read Sirius’ owl about how excited Sirius was to see him in a few days. Time flew by with Regulus, even looking at him never got boring.
James stroked Regulus’ tousled hair. The black shock of hair was resting on his chest. Regulus had one arm thrown over James’s torso and a leg tangled between James’s. He always pretended that he did not want to stay in James’s bed, that he did not want to have him near while sleeping, but as soon as he fell asleep he became this cuddly. James wondered why he never twitted him with this precious information.
Regulus sighed softly and his eyelids twitched. He was awake even before he turned around. Waking up snuggled against James was too much for Regulus’ pride - and Regulus’ pride was huge enough to win a battle with James’s ego.
“Morning,” James whispered. He moved against Regulus’ back and embraced him from behind, his palm lying right on Regulus’ heart. Even after months of their countless encounters, Regulus’ heart was still beating so hard, as if it were trying to break through his ribcage. James kissed Regulus’ ear.
Regulus looked at him, rubbing his puffy eyes. “Morning.”
James continued his task to stroke Regulus’ hair. Their mouths were so close that pursing his lips just a bit turned into a soft kiss. Regulus rolled over and pressed against James, kissing him back lazily. James ran his hand over Regulus’ scalp and ruffled the black hair like he usually did with his own.
Around them, the golden rays of the sun shone through the window and bathed the room in a warm light. The dark wooden floor was covered with James’s clothes; Regulus had folded his clothes after the first time, and because he’d done it naked, the second time had followed closely afterwards. Underneath the dark red blanket, Regulus remained deliciously naked.
Regulus pulled away from James’s lips and tongue, but was unable to escape his embrace. “Shouldn’t we take a shower first?”
“You know that I always get nostalgic under the shower,” James said hoarsely and rolled around with Regulus in his arms. He held him down with his weight and kissed his throat, collarbone and chest. Regulus’ cock hardened under James’s thigh.
“Breakfast?”
James smiled against Regulus’ stomach. “I’m hungry for something else.”
“And then Professor McGonagall comes looking for you again, and I have to hide under the bed. Again.”
“I don’t care. Again.” And before Regulus could say another word, James closed his mouth with a passionate kiss. Regulus moaned and writhed underneath him. The pressure of his knee would be enough to make Regulus come; James had tested that before on the bed next to his. Sirius’ bed. Regulus had showed him a whole new tone of red when James had fucked him on his brother’s bed.
James did not know how it was possible that Regulus still made him feel so hot, as if he were burning, as if he were going to fall to ashes when he touched him too long. Too bad he could not stop touching him. His fingers travelled over every inch of Regulus’ stunning body, stroked the sensitive areas and skipped the ribs where Regulus was ticklish.
Regulus’ legs wound around his waist and pulled James closer, encouraging him to do that first thrust that always killed him with lust. He unsuccessfully tried to keep his mind focused as he gently worked his way forward. Regulus was moaning, probably only because he knew how much James loved to hear him do that.
He was the personification of perfection.
No longer able to resist Regulus, James quickened his pace and started pounding Regulus mercilessly. James planted wet kisses all over Regulus’ face as he whispered words that did not quite make it into his head.
“I love you, too.” Regulus’ words managed to reach his clouded mind. James’s pace faltered, and he pushed himself up on his elbows, away from Regulus’ kiss-swollen lips. Regulus’ eyes were closed, and he was clinging to James’s biceps while his legs tightened around James’s waist. He panted, the same voice gasping against him that had said these words.
And what was the word ‘too’ doing there?
He made a last attempt to focus on Regulus, before giving up. James pushed Regulus down, shaking his hands off, as if they were pure dirt. Within a second he was out of the bed and jumping into his pyjama pants.
“What…” Regulus’ loss of breath did not allow him to verbalise his confusion.
“I want you to leave. Now.” James pointed at the door. As Regulus sat up, blanket pulled up to his chin and eyes wide as a bunny’s before the attack of the wolf, James pointed again at the door. “Leave. This was supposed to be a casual thing. Why do you… I want you to leave.”
“But you -”
“I don’t want your fucking explanations, Black! Get out of here!”
Regulus’ face paled. He had not looked this cold in a long time. James could not take that look. When he stared at the ground, he felt like he was going to vomit. The rustling of the blanket and of Regulus dressing was like a tornado in his stomach. With the door slamming shut, James could no longer choke anything down.
He sank to the floor and did not throw up. He cried.
*
Sirius was extremely proud of himself. He returned from the Easter holidays - a horribly boring time he spend alone with young Nymphadora so that Andromeda could screw her husband senseless, which he knew, because he again had seen way too much - and found James in a better mood than ever before. Expecting Regulus to be in a similar mood, Sirius headed off to search him, the Marauders’ Map helpfully in his hands.
Regulus was alone in the corridor where Sirius had once discovered their dirty little secret. There was no light to illuminate the way this time, and Sirius only found Regulus because he stumbled over his legs.
“Lumos.” Sirius bathed the walls and corridor in light, but he needed to point his wand at the ground to find his brother.
Regulus sat with his back against the wall, knees pulled to his chest and arms woven around his legs. He had lowered his chin so that his hair was covering his face. It might have hidden his tears, but his sobs were pretty obvious.
“Reggie?” Sirius threw the Map and his wand out of his hands and slumped to the ground. “What happened? Tell me what’s wrong, Reggie. What did he do to you?” When Regulus’ answer remained a painful sob, Sirius pulled him into a tight hug. Regulus buried his wet face in Sirius’ shoulder and cried heavier than he ever had in his life. Even without knowing what James had done, Sirius felt an unnatural amount of anger boiling up inside him.
“It’s alright, Reggie.”
“It’s not…” Regulus shook his head. His whole body was shaking and ice-cold, as if he had sat for days in the moist corridor. “I love him. It’s supposed to… I shouldn’t… I loved him, and he said he… he said he…” Regulus’ words relapsed into incoherent sobbing.
Sirius held him tighter, primarily to drown the crying, then he rubbed Regulus’ back, patted his hair, and gave him all the soothing gestures he could think of. It hardly helped. When Regulus was a bit more in control of his voice, he immediately begged: “Don’t tell anyone.”
Sirius nodded, knowing that he could not keep that promise.
*
“How could you do that?!”
Sirius’ constant screaming had turned into a low drone. James lay on his bed, staring at the ceiling, and tried not to laugh at the protective brother that every now and then tried to get out of Sirius.
“Regulus isn’t strong, James. He’s too proud to show it, but he’s bloody sensitive, and you took advantage of that!”
With every accusation, James’s amusement turned into wrath. He folded his arms defensively. Regulus had promised not to tell Sirius anything. Whatever had happened between them did not give him the allowance to break the only promise James had ever demanded from him.
“I thought you’d be good for him,” Sirius barked. “That you would make him see how wrong our family is for him. But you never thought about that, did you? You didn’t think at all. You never expected feelings to -”
“There weren’t supposed to be any Merlin damned feelings!” James shot perpendicular from his bed, faced Sirius, and looked straight into his angrily glowing eyes. “He’s a good fuck, that’s it. I don’t care if I broke his heart. Then he shouldn’t have given it to me on a silver platter.”
Sirius narrowed his eyes, his irises merely a thin slit of anger-filled grey. The last time James had seen that look, Snivellus nearly ended up as Remus’ dinner.
“As if you cared about him,” James snorted. “You abandoned him. You made him that weak, vulnerable person that’s so easy to manipulate.”
Sirius looked as if he wanted to punch James. “You talk like a Slytherin.”
James flinched at the verbal hit.
“You’re not that cold, James. You’re a good guy. Over the last year you just tried to shut that guy away, and I’d bet the content of my vault that this is because you’re scared of your feelings.”
“Well, fine. You got the number to my vault. Send me your gold.” James turned to leave, but Sirius grabbed his wrist and stopped him.
“Grow the fuck up, Prongs.” Sirius tightened his grip as James tried to dislodge him. “If you like Regulus, then go and tell him. He won’t turn you down. I know you’re scared of that. Evans hurt you. Whenever she declined to go out with you, whenever she insulted you or ignored your advances, and especially when she laughed at your confession and said that only a slug would fall in love with you, but that does not give you the right to behave like this.”
“You had to remind me of all of this, yeah?”
Sirius nodded. “I'll go more into detail if you don’t even attempt to fix this.”
James gulped down that by now familiar feeling of sickness. Sirius’ anger was still tangible and his fingers dug so deep into James’s wrist that he was sure they would leave bruises.
“We’re still friends, are we?” James asked.
Sirius rolled his eyes. “We’re more than friends. We’re brothers. Brothers always reconcile.”
One of those sibling-mysteries James had never quite understood. He hoped it worked the same way for relationships.
*
“How could you do that?!”
Regulus had unsuccessfully tried to hide from him. With the Map, James was able to find him, even if he had to walk up to the highest tower of Hogwarts. The Astronomy Tower was wide and open, exposed to rough winds and the caprice of the weather. Hiding behind a huge model of the planets was ineffective.
“You told Sirius,” James screamed over to Regulus, who used the circle of the planet system to keep his safe distance to James. “We had an agreement. You wouldn’t tell Sirius, and I wouldn’t tell anyone. Now, let me see where I get a large enough parchment to describe our sex life, which I’ll hang on the black board.”
“I didn’t…” Regulus’ voice was low and hoarse, barely audible over the whistling wind. His eyes were swollen and red, and it was obvious that he’d been crying.
James couldn’t bring himself to say sorry.
“I didn’t tell him, I swear. Put your wand away, Potter.”
James did not. He pointed the wooden stick right at Regulus’ dangerously beautiful face. If he scarred it, he would never get tempted again. And Regulus would never cry again.
“Liar,” James growled. Whenever he tried to get closer, Regulus stepped in the opposite direction. He could have chased him forever with the same unsatisfying outcome chasing Lily Evans had. “You’re an evil Slytherin. Of course, you told Sirius. That’s all the revenge your small brain comes up with. We had a fucking agreement, Black, damn it! Why did you have to do that? Why couldn’t you just swallow those stupid words? You never say anything and then you have to drop a bloody emotion-bomb!”
“It’s a bomb when I say it, but you’re allowed to? What, Potter? Don’t look at me like that. Just tell me that it doesn’t count, if you say it during sex, and get the fuck out of here!”
“This tower belongs to Hogwarts. You have no right to throw me out!” James wished his mouth would not always play a lone hand. He wanted to know what Regulus meant. The memory of whispered words was so blurry that he thought he’d dreamt them. He would have never said that aloud and risk pushing Regulus between the same fronts, where Sirius had been last year.
“Distracting again, Potter? Doesn’t change the fact that you said it first. I just said it back.”
James flicked his wand so harshly that his curse let Mars explode. Regulus jumped backwards. He fumbled for his wand, fingers shaking in shock.
“Expelliarmus!” James caught Regulus’ wand that flew in a high sweep through the air. He walked around the remaining solar system, and this time, Regulus made no move to get away, frozen by the sight of James carrying two wands. “If I ever said I’d like - love you, I’d regret it more than anything in the world.”
Tears welled up in Regulus’ eyes.
“Because,” James continued, “it would’ve destroyed everything we were.” He handed the wand out and allured Regulus to reach out, then caught his wrist. With a jerk, he pulled Regulus closer, their eyes locking. “I’m sorry. I’m not saying this so you can tell Sirius I apologised, although it would be quite helpful to…”
Regulus glared at him.
“I am sorry,” James repeated. “I… I… like you, Regulus.”
The use of his first name softened Regulus’ gaze up. “You’re quite jumpy, Potter.”
James shrugged, an apologetic half-smile on his face. “I couldn’t have dealt with it if you’d rejected me. And I don’t want to be a weak, emotional wreck after you dump me in sake of your family name. There wouldn’t be enough Bludgers to hit in Hogwarts to get over that…”
Regulus’ eyes drifted away from James and focused on the remnants of Mars. “Then I’ll have to send you an additional package of Bludgers.” He enclosed James’s hand and gently removed the wand from his fingers. After a few seconds of hesitating, Regulus leant down and kissed James’s knuckles, before letting his fingers slip away.
James was devastated, unable to move at all. No matter what he did, it always was the wrong thing. He always got rejected.
Regulus hesitated to leave, eventually managing small steps away from James. It was then that James realised that he had not been rejected. James felt energy flooding back into his limbs, and he turned on his heels.
James Potter never gave up. He now knew what he wanted more than anything in the world, and he would get that.
~the end~
Author: deathlydragon
Pairing: James/Regulus
Rating: NC-17
Word Count: 10.433
Prompt: #69: dirty little secret
Warnings: Dub-con, underage.
Summary: James is frustrated with his life - especially with his love life. Regulus Black turns out to be a great distraction.
Author's Notes: The story takes place during James’s sixth and Regulus fifth year. Hope you enjoy it! I’d really like to thank L. for the beta!
Part One
The casual thing between them was the best that happened to James that year. Regulus was caring for James’s ego like for a cute cat, and said cat would get very fat and lazy in Regulus’ ownership. Never before had James’s romantic advances hit the target, again and again. Regulus never rejected him, not like Lily Evans, he always let James have his way with him.
Until one cloudy February day.
“Look who’s hiding behind this tree.” James crawled around said tree and found Regulus leaning against the trunk. It was one of the first warmer days of the year, but not so sunny to lure a lot of students outside. There was more than enough privacy to enjoy, so James had owled Regulus right away.
Only to bump against a pile of books before his lips could reach Regulus’ mouth. “What’s this?” James grabbed Intermediate Transfiguration and glared at it.
“Sorry,” Regulus said indifferently, not even looking at James. He was scribbling on a roll of parchment, already six inches long. “I need to finish this essay on vanishing spells. I thought I’d be done by now, but it’s quite complicated.”
James was not sure what to do. If Regulus was busy, he would surely like to be alone, but why was he here when he wanted to be alone?
“Uhm…” James reached for the parchment. “You just need a break, and I’m going to distract -”
“Potter.” Regulus pulled his parchment away, shooting a warning glare at James. “I really can’t. Transfiguration is difficult, and my father expects me to bring an Outstanding home.”
James had to laugh at this. “No one can expect that.”
Regulus looked cold as always, but he twitched away, hurt. “He expects me to be as good as Sirius was.”
Sometimes James forgot that Sirius was a brilliant student, almost as good as he was, but Sirius had always had time for James, even with their OWLs looming at the horizon.
“Come on… Your father doesn’t care, anyway. He’s used to disappointments.”
“I’m not going to be a disappointment,” Regulus stated, and despite trying hard to hide it, he could not suppress a yawn. “Even if it kills me.”
James smiled gently. Regulus looked adorable when he was tired - something that should not be allowed. Out of pure instinct and without any intentions, James patted Regulus’ shoulder.
“Hey, other much stupider people managed the OWLs.”
Although there was no orgasm in reach, emotions flickered up on Regulus’ face. James wondered if this was the moment in which he would finally see Regulus smile. It was not. But Regulus did not move away anymore when James erased the distance between them. He spread his legs.
“Come here.” James motioned him to sit between his legs and fought Regulus’ sceptical glance with his grin. He won. Regulus sighed and took the place where James wanted him, leaning back against James’s chest. “I’ve got an Outstanding in Transfiguration. Let me help you.”
“Without ulterior motives, of course.” Regulus pulled his legs up to roll his parchment open and let James get a good look at his writing. At once, James discovered something where Regulus was better than Sirius: his handwriting. Sirius’ was a pain for the eyes, and Regulus’ was full of elegant curlicues and still easily readable. Added to that, Regulus was concentrated and curious, sadly a bit too eager to do everything himself, since he only allowed James to give him tips.
Like this, it took them longer to finish the essay than it would have otherwise. While Regulus was writing his last paragraph, hopefully, James rested his chin on the slender shoulder, his arms closing around Regulus’ chest. That was nice, even with too many clothes between them.
“I think I’m done,” Regulus said eventually. The bright light of the sun was not making it through the white clouds anymore, and the grounds were bathed in shadows. It was starting to get colder. “Do you want to read over this?”
James had done so while Regulus was writing. “No. I’d rather do other things.”
Regulus shook his head slightly, soft strands of hair tickling James’s nose. He rolled the parchment together and tried to put it into his bag. James did not let him get an inch away.
“Potter.” Regulus made another attempt to get away before he gave up and leant back against James’s chest. “What’s this about?”
“I’m a nice guy,” James said, earning a soft snort for this. “I am. Do you need any more help?”
“I… don’t -”
“You seem tired, Black. I do like it more when you’re well rested.”
“Fine.” Regulus turned just enough in the tight knot of James’s arms to build up eye contact. “Can you practice Quidditch for me, take over my Prefect duties, attend Professor Slughorn’s dinners, finish all homework in time, and be the heir my father always dreamt of?”
“Merlin’s beard, no wonder you look tired.” James stroked over Regulus’ cheek, not far away from the dark circles under his eyes. “Still beautiful, though.”
And finally, Regulus smiled. His lips curled upwards, accompanied on their unpractised ascent by an adorable blush. The smile even felt good under James’s palm. He wondered what it would be like to kiss it. He leant forward and hesitated. This was such a beautiful moment that it would score second place in a beauty competition with Regulus; he did not want to destroy it.
Regulus seemed confused that James did not throw him around and ripped his clothes off. “You haven’t told anyone, right?”
James blinked, brutally pulled from this moment. “What?”
“You’re behaving weirdly,” Regulus said. “As if you have a bad conscience.”
“Oh, thanks. Let me make a mental note to never compliment you again, Black,” James said, smirking. Even Regulus’ distrust was not offensive. It was odd how comfortable James felt around him, how sure of himself, without the slightest hint of insecurity welling up and needing to be locked away as quickly as possible, so very different than how he felt around Lily Evans.
He wondered if Regulus felt equally comfortable around him. They never talked much, and if they did then Regulus swallowed most of his emotions.
“My parents are going to kill me if they ever find out… about this.” Regulus pointed from himself to James. “You know?”
He had not known or ever thought about this. James gulped hard. “Then why are you doing it?”
Regulus looked at him for a long moment. His eyes were hard to read, like the grey mist in the woods on early morning and just as easy to get lost in. He did not explain anything and leant against James’s shoulder.
James held him close. That made it more than crystal clear that this would never be more than some fling, even if he had wanted it to be more. Which he did not. Not at all.
*
“I saw you with Lily Evans today.”
“What?” James had not expected any talking when he was buried to the hilt in Regulus. This talking-thing started to become a bigger part of their relationship, and James thought it was quite alright, but not during sex. “How… Where are your thoughts?”
Regulus was on top of him. The idea of his back being rubbed over the dusty floor of the broom cupboard had almost destroyed the tension, so James had instantly pulled him on his lap. Now, Regulus was doing all the work, deliciously pushing himself up and down, and James wished there would be more light in the small room, because Regulus was definitely red enough to share his embarrassment with three other people.
“You had this box of chocolate behind your back, a nice big heart,” Regulus said, his voice nearly soundless because of the lack of air and fear to speak too loud. “Very nice Valentine’s present.”
“Fuck you, Black.”
“Oh, I am.” Regulus pushed himself upwards and left James hanging close to his climax. His hands flew to James’s waist and kept him from raising his hips. “And I’ll stop if you don’t tell me how it felt.”
“Tease,” James hissed between clenched teeth. He should have known that it could not be a good idea to give Regulus a position of power. “And I don’t know -”
“She screamed at you even before you could gift her the chocolate, and then you threw said chocolate in the shrubs, came looking for me and threw me into this broom cupboard.”
“You like it when I throw you around.” James demonstrated his point and rolled Regulus around, putting an end to his teasing. He settled Regulus’ legs around his waist and pushed his still buried cock hard forward. Regulus let out a pained scream that would scare everyone outside the cupboard away - hopefully. His sweaty back glided over the floor, cleaned it better than Filch could ever do, and the raw stones had to leave easily traceable scratches on Regulus’ sensitive skin. James grabbed him tightly by the hips, surely leaving bruises, but keeping Regulus in a steady position instead of chafing him over the ground rampantly.
Their bodies were so tightly pressed together that James’s stomach was the only friction Regulus needed. He came with another scream that James never allowed to leave his lips. He caught every noise with his lips, fitting their mouths together in a desperate kiss. Regulus returned his kiss eagerly and clung to James’s shoulder, rolling his hips back. His clenching muscles dragged James’s orgasm out.
He abandoned Regulus’ lips to recover his breath. James rolled off of Regulus and sat back against the wall, his chest rising heavily. Regulus was lying completely useless on the same floor that, a few minutes ago, had brought a cute disgusted expression on his face. James could not suppress his grin, neither did he want to. He pulled Regulus against his side and tugged Regulus’ head on his chest. Like this, he was able to bring his ruffled hair in an even more chaotic mess.
“I don’t know why you waste your time with her,” Regulus panted.
James was lacking the breath for more than a questioning noise.
“You’re too awesome to be treated like that,” Regulus continued. “She doesn’t give you a chance to prove it. It’s her fault when she misses this.” His hand wandered from James’s chest to his stomach and even lower.
James grinned widely until Regulus said, “Don’t let her get you down.”
James felt an uncomfortable heat flaring up in his cheeks. He was glad that it was too dark for anyone to see him blush, but Regulus was awfully close to his erratic heartbeat. How pathetic was that? And how pathetic was Regulus’ little crush on him?
“Are you jealous?” James asked.
“I only think you deserve better.”
As if he was not already close to a heart attack, James now felt the weird urge to hug Regulus tighter and kiss him. “And what do I deserve? You?”
Regulus snorted - a huge stumbling block for James’s heart on its way to win the race. “No… No, you deserve someone who can scream about your awesomeness loud enough for the whole world to hear.”
And Regulus was not crushing hard enough on him to do that. James did not know why that realisation itched in his chest. He forced a grin.
“Thanks, Black. Now, please continue that speech about my awesomeness.”
“Maybe if you find a better place for this. I feel dirty,” Regulus said grimly.
Grinning smugly, James said, “You are dirty. Metaphorical.”
And eventually, he heard Regulus laugh - not much more than an enticing mix of a snort and a chuckle, but it was a good start. It also was the best Valentine’s gift he could have asked for.
*
It was after a dreadful lonely detention that Sirius ran into James outside the common room.
“Hey, mate. I was checking the mirror every minute for you -”
James silenced him with a wave. “Not now, Padfoot. Need to take a bath in the Prefect’s bathroom. Best ideas there.” And with that he jumped on the staircase that was already moving away from Sirius. He had no chance to get after James.
So that was how James felt when Lily Evans turned him down.
Sirius said the password and entered the common room. In his dormitory he found Remus lying on his bed and stroking Peter’s belly - more precisely, the belly of a rat that served as the pet Remus’ parents did not allow him.
“How was detention?” Remus wanted to know.
“Boring.” Sirius pointed at Peter’s rat form as he walked over to his bed. “Does he have trouble changing back again?”
“Oh, we’re fine,” Remus said hastily, pressing Peter to his chest. The rat squealed uncomfortably, and Remus tried to drown the noise by speaking extra loudly. “James just went out looking for you. You should’ve run into him.”
Sirius felt a by now way too familiar frown on his forehead. “No… I haven’t seen him.”
Remus was too busy tossing Peter into the air, catching him again and again, so Sirius took the opportunity to sneak to James’s bedside table. He found the Map in the lowest drawer, as expected. James could not have anything to hide if he left it here.
Sirius tapped the parchment with his wand and said: “I solemnly swear that I’m up to no good.”
“Oh, and what are we up to this time?” Remus asked. Peter desperately tried to escape his fist, and Remus took that as a playful invitation to let him crawl into his other fist and back into the first and so on.
“I’m looking for James so I can tell him that he missed me.” Sirius looked back down at the map, and found James far away from the Prefect’s bathroom on his way to a secret passageway on the third floor. “Wanna come with me?”
“Nah…” Remus crouched on his bed and tried to look underneath it. “Looks like I lost Peter. Wormtail?” He almost fell off his bed when he stretched too far. It was hilarious. And because of James, Sirius had to leave before he could watch Remus falling off the bed. He would pay for that. And he would double-pay for having secrets.
The third floor was full of people. Sirius had to lean against the tapestry that hid the passageway and pretend he was up to something evil until everyone fled due to his reputation. After a dreadfully long conversation with Miss Prefect 1977 Lily Evans, Sirius was eventually able to slip behind the tapestry.
The corridor behind it was dark and just a little dusty. A few fragile spider webs covered the corners of the ceiling, and Sirius realised that he was still kid enough to jump up to rip them down. Like this, the way down the corridor was a lot more fun.
He heard James’s voice after taking a precipitous winding staircase down. Behind the corner a Lumos spent a dim light for whatever his friend was doing.
“I thought you’d be better at this, Black.” Whatever his friend was doing, it was with his baby brother.
Sirius was sure the wrinkles of his deep frown would never vanish again. Confused, he peered around the corner.
Regulus was kneeling on the ground and James’s robe had fallen back over his legs. “Fuck you, Potter,” he said, and in fifteen years of living with him, Sirius had never heard his brother talk like that.
“You know I’m joking, right?” James was audibly grinning. He pulled Regulus to his feet and wrapped his arms around him in something that seemed to be a hug. Then he whirled him around and slammed him against the wall. For a moment, Sirius was sure James would kiss Regulus, but then he only whispered something into Regulus’ ear.
Next to them was a niche embedded into the wall, once used to hold a torch. James guided Regulus against that hole and shoved him upwards. They pulled at each other’s robes, ineffectually dragging them in different directions, and Sirius watched in shock how James fastened Regulus’ pale legs around his waist. James moved his hips forward, and Sirius was glad that he could not see what they were doing exactly. With each violent thrust, James’s robe slipped lower from his shoulder. Regulus’ hand appeared on James’s back, clawing to the bare skin and scratching over it.
So that was where the weird scratches and bruises on James’s skin always came from.
Sirius shuddered. He wanted to step backwards, but stumbled in the wrong direction and had the best view of his best friend kissing his baby brother. Their mouths so tightly locked together that it seemed impossible to breathe properly. Their movements looked so feral and violent, and like absolutely everything Sirius had never wanted to see.
Choking, he turned around, but somewhere underneath the heavy thoughts of where the next nice cuddly blanket to hide under was, Sirius tried to think positively. There was no better way to get his brother back than having him fall for James.
Then again, he’d still seen way too much.
*
The Easter holidays were the ideal opportunity to spend entire days in bed with Regulus. The Gryffindor dormitory, even the common room belonged to James Potter. He was the only Gryffindor staying at Hogwarts over the holidays, a decision he had quickly come to after not only Remus and Peter visited their parents, but even Sirius wanted to meet his cousin Andromeda and play with that perpetually different looking baby, child, whatever it was by now.
Although it was strange that Sirius wanted to spend more than a week without James, he did not question his motives. He had convinced Regulus to stay, and on top of that, Snivellus was staying, too. Since Sirius was not there to celebrate McGonagall’s closed eyes, James forced Regulus to help him make Snape’s life even more miserable.
And after a momentary reluctance, Regulus had helped him glue Snape to the ceiling of the Great Hall, despite not showing more amusement about James’s jokes than Lily Evans did. A twitching mouth seemed to be all he would ever get with these actions from his love interests.
Love interest did not seem to be the right word to describe Regulus, though.
James watched Regulus sleeping next to him. The holidays were almost over, and James had not realised it until he’d read Sirius’ owl about how excited Sirius was to see him in a few days. Time flew by with Regulus, even looking at him never got boring.
James stroked Regulus’ tousled hair. The black shock of hair was resting on his chest. Regulus had one arm thrown over James’s torso and a leg tangled between James’s. He always pretended that he did not want to stay in James’s bed, that he did not want to have him near while sleeping, but as soon as he fell asleep he became this cuddly. James wondered why he never twitted him with this precious information.
Regulus sighed softly and his eyelids twitched. He was awake even before he turned around. Waking up snuggled against James was too much for Regulus’ pride - and Regulus’ pride was huge enough to win a battle with James’s ego.
“Morning,” James whispered. He moved against Regulus’ back and embraced him from behind, his palm lying right on Regulus’ heart. Even after months of their countless encounters, Regulus’ heart was still beating so hard, as if it were trying to break through his ribcage. James kissed Regulus’ ear.
Regulus looked at him, rubbing his puffy eyes. “Morning.”
James continued his task to stroke Regulus’ hair. Their mouths were so close that pursing his lips just a bit turned into a soft kiss. Regulus rolled over and pressed against James, kissing him back lazily. James ran his hand over Regulus’ scalp and ruffled the black hair like he usually did with his own.
Around them, the golden rays of the sun shone through the window and bathed the room in a warm light. The dark wooden floor was covered with James’s clothes; Regulus had folded his clothes after the first time, and because he’d done it naked, the second time had followed closely afterwards. Underneath the dark red blanket, Regulus remained deliciously naked.
Regulus pulled away from James’s lips and tongue, but was unable to escape his embrace. “Shouldn’t we take a shower first?”
“You know that I always get nostalgic under the shower,” James said hoarsely and rolled around with Regulus in his arms. He held him down with his weight and kissed his throat, collarbone and chest. Regulus’ cock hardened under James’s thigh.
“Breakfast?”
James smiled against Regulus’ stomach. “I’m hungry for something else.”
“And then Professor McGonagall comes looking for you again, and I have to hide under the bed. Again.”
“I don’t care. Again.” And before Regulus could say another word, James closed his mouth with a passionate kiss. Regulus moaned and writhed underneath him. The pressure of his knee would be enough to make Regulus come; James had tested that before on the bed next to his. Sirius’ bed. Regulus had showed him a whole new tone of red when James had fucked him on his brother’s bed.
James did not know how it was possible that Regulus still made him feel so hot, as if he were burning, as if he were going to fall to ashes when he touched him too long. Too bad he could not stop touching him. His fingers travelled over every inch of Regulus’ stunning body, stroked the sensitive areas and skipped the ribs where Regulus was ticklish.
Regulus’ legs wound around his waist and pulled James closer, encouraging him to do that first thrust that always killed him with lust. He unsuccessfully tried to keep his mind focused as he gently worked his way forward. Regulus was moaning, probably only because he knew how much James loved to hear him do that.
He was the personification of perfection.
No longer able to resist Regulus, James quickened his pace and started pounding Regulus mercilessly. James planted wet kisses all over Regulus’ face as he whispered words that did not quite make it into his head.
“I love you, too.” Regulus’ words managed to reach his clouded mind. James’s pace faltered, and he pushed himself up on his elbows, away from Regulus’ kiss-swollen lips. Regulus’ eyes were closed, and he was clinging to James’s biceps while his legs tightened around James’s waist. He panted, the same voice gasping against him that had said these words.
And what was the word ‘too’ doing there?
He made a last attempt to focus on Regulus, before giving up. James pushed Regulus down, shaking his hands off, as if they were pure dirt. Within a second he was out of the bed and jumping into his pyjama pants.
“What…” Regulus’ loss of breath did not allow him to verbalise his confusion.
“I want you to leave. Now.” James pointed at the door. As Regulus sat up, blanket pulled up to his chin and eyes wide as a bunny’s before the attack of the wolf, James pointed again at the door. “Leave. This was supposed to be a casual thing. Why do you… I want you to leave.”
“But you -”
“I don’t want your fucking explanations, Black! Get out of here!”
Regulus’ face paled. He had not looked this cold in a long time. James could not take that look. When he stared at the ground, he felt like he was going to vomit. The rustling of the blanket and of Regulus dressing was like a tornado in his stomach. With the door slamming shut, James could no longer choke anything down.
He sank to the floor and did not throw up. He cried.
*
Sirius was extremely proud of himself. He returned from the Easter holidays - a horribly boring time he spend alone with young Nymphadora so that Andromeda could screw her husband senseless, which he knew, because he again had seen way too much - and found James in a better mood than ever before. Expecting Regulus to be in a similar mood, Sirius headed off to search him, the Marauders’ Map helpfully in his hands.
Regulus was alone in the corridor where Sirius had once discovered their dirty little secret. There was no light to illuminate the way this time, and Sirius only found Regulus because he stumbled over his legs.
“Lumos.” Sirius bathed the walls and corridor in light, but he needed to point his wand at the ground to find his brother.
Regulus sat with his back against the wall, knees pulled to his chest and arms woven around his legs. He had lowered his chin so that his hair was covering his face. It might have hidden his tears, but his sobs were pretty obvious.
“Reggie?” Sirius threw the Map and his wand out of his hands and slumped to the ground. “What happened? Tell me what’s wrong, Reggie. What did he do to you?” When Regulus’ answer remained a painful sob, Sirius pulled him into a tight hug. Regulus buried his wet face in Sirius’ shoulder and cried heavier than he ever had in his life. Even without knowing what James had done, Sirius felt an unnatural amount of anger boiling up inside him.
“It’s alright, Reggie.”
“It’s not…” Regulus shook his head. His whole body was shaking and ice-cold, as if he had sat for days in the moist corridor. “I love him. It’s supposed to… I shouldn’t… I loved him, and he said he… he said he…” Regulus’ words relapsed into incoherent sobbing.
Sirius held him tighter, primarily to drown the crying, then he rubbed Regulus’ back, patted his hair, and gave him all the soothing gestures he could think of. It hardly helped. When Regulus was a bit more in control of his voice, he immediately begged: “Don’t tell anyone.”
Sirius nodded, knowing that he could not keep that promise.
*
“How could you do that?!”
Sirius’ constant screaming had turned into a low drone. James lay on his bed, staring at the ceiling, and tried not to laugh at the protective brother that every now and then tried to get out of Sirius.
“Regulus isn’t strong, James. He’s too proud to show it, but he’s bloody sensitive, and you took advantage of that!”
With every accusation, James’s amusement turned into wrath. He folded his arms defensively. Regulus had promised not to tell Sirius anything. Whatever had happened between them did not give him the allowance to break the only promise James had ever demanded from him.
“I thought you’d be good for him,” Sirius barked. “That you would make him see how wrong our family is for him. But you never thought about that, did you? You didn’t think at all. You never expected feelings to -”
“There weren’t supposed to be any Merlin damned feelings!” James shot perpendicular from his bed, faced Sirius, and looked straight into his angrily glowing eyes. “He’s a good fuck, that’s it. I don’t care if I broke his heart. Then he shouldn’t have given it to me on a silver platter.”
Sirius narrowed his eyes, his irises merely a thin slit of anger-filled grey. The last time James had seen that look, Snivellus nearly ended up as Remus’ dinner.
“As if you cared about him,” James snorted. “You abandoned him. You made him that weak, vulnerable person that’s so easy to manipulate.”
Sirius looked as if he wanted to punch James. “You talk like a Slytherin.”
James flinched at the verbal hit.
“You’re not that cold, James. You’re a good guy. Over the last year you just tried to shut that guy away, and I’d bet the content of my vault that this is because you’re scared of your feelings.”
“Well, fine. You got the number to my vault. Send me your gold.” James turned to leave, but Sirius grabbed his wrist and stopped him.
“Grow the fuck up, Prongs.” Sirius tightened his grip as James tried to dislodge him. “If you like Regulus, then go and tell him. He won’t turn you down. I know you’re scared of that. Evans hurt you. Whenever she declined to go out with you, whenever she insulted you or ignored your advances, and especially when she laughed at your confession and said that only a slug would fall in love with you, but that does not give you the right to behave like this.”
“You had to remind me of all of this, yeah?”
Sirius nodded. “I'll go more into detail if you don’t even attempt to fix this.”
James gulped down that by now familiar feeling of sickness. Sirius’ anger was still tangible and his fingers dug so deep into James’s wrist that he was sure they would leave bruises.
“We’re still friends, are we?” James asked.
Sirius rolled his eyes. “We’re more than friends. We’re brothers. Brothers always reconcile.”
One of those sibling-mysteries James had never quite understood. He hoped it worked the same way for relationships.
*
“How could you do that?!”
Regulus had unsuccessfully tried to hide from him. With the Map, James was able to find him, even if he had to walk up to the highest tower of Hogwarts. The Astronomy Tower was wide and open, exposed to rough winds and the caprice of the weather. Hiding behind a huge model of the planets was ineffective.
“You told Sirius,” James screamed over to Regulus, who used the circle of the planet system to keep his safe distance to James. “We had an agreement. You wouldn’t tell Sirius, and I wouldn’t tell anyone. Now, let me see where I get a large enough parchment to describe our sex life, which I’ll hang on the black board.”
“I didn’t…” Regulus’ voice was low and hoarse, barely audible over the whistling wind. His eyes were swollen and red, and it was obvious that he’d been crying.
James couldn’t bring himself to say sorry.
“I didn’t tell him, I swear. Put your wand away, Potter.”
James did not. He pointed the wooden stick right at Regulus’ dangerously beautiful face. If he scarred it, he would never get tempted again. And Regulus would never cry again.
“Liar,” James growled. Whenever he tried to get closer, Regulus stepped in the opposite direction. He could have chased him forever with the same unsatisfying outcome chasing Lily Evans had. “You’re an evil Slytherin. Of course, you told Sirius. That’s all the revenge your small brain comes up with. We had a fucking agreement, Black, damn it! Why did you have to do that? Why couldn’t you just swallow those stupid words? You never say anything and then you have to drop a bloody emotion-bomb!”
“It’s a bomb when I say it, but you’re allowed to? What, Potter? Don’t look at me like that. Just tell me that it doesn’t count, if you say it during sex, and get the fuck out of here!”
“This tower belongs to Hogwarts. You have no right to throw me out!” James wished his mouth would not always play a lone hand. He wanted to know what Regulus meant. The memory of whispered words was so blurry that he thought he’d dreamt them. He would have never said that aloud and risk pushing Regulus between the same fronts, where Sirius had been last year.
“Distracting again, Potter? Doesn’t change the fact that you said it first. I just said it back.”
James flicked his wand so harshly that his curse let Mars explode. Regulus jumped backwards. He fumbled for his wand, fingers shaking in shock.
“Expelliarmus!” James caught Regulus’ wand that flew in a high sweep through the air. He walked around the remaining solar system, and this time, Regulus made no move to get away, frozen by the sight of James carrying two wands. “If I ever said I’d like - love you, I’d regret it more than anything in the world.”
Tears welled up in Regulus’ eyes.
“Because,” James continued, “it would’ve destroyed everything we were.” He handed the wand out and allured Regulus to reach out, then caught his wrist. With a jerk, he pulled Regulus closer, their eyes locking. “I’m sorry. I’m not saying this so you can tell Sirius I apologised, although it would be quite helpful to…”
Regulus glared at him.
“I am sorry,” James repeated. “I… I… like you, Regulus.”
The use of his first name softened Regulus’ gaze up. “You’re quite jumpy, Potter.”
James shrugged, an apologetic half-smile on his face. “I couldn’t have dealt with it if you’d rejected me. And I don’t want to be a weak, emotional wreck after you dump me in sake of your family name. There wouldn’t be enough Bludgers to hit in Hogwarts to get over that…”
Regulus’ eyes drifted away from James and focused on the remnants of Mars. “Then I’ll have to send you an additional package of Bludgers.” He enclosed James’s hand and gently removed the wand from his fingers. After a few seconds of hesitating, Regulus leant down and kissed James’s knuckles, before letting his fingers slip away.
James was devastated, unable to move at all. No matter what he did, it always was the wrong thing. He always got rejected.
Regulus hesitated to leave, eventually managing small steps away from James. It was then that James realised that he had not been rejected. James felt energy flooding back into his limbs, and he turned on his heels.
James Potter never gave up. He now knew what he wanted more than anything in the world, and he would get that.
~the end~