Those Times
Title: Those Times
Chapters: 1/1
Genre: angst, fluff
Rating: PG
Pairings: AoixUruhaxAoi
Warnings: As always, unbeta-ed because I’m impatient.
Disclaimer: I own them and did I tell you that I’m living in a mental asylum? XDD
Synopsis: I have no idea what happened. I absolutely do not know what was wrong. Sometimes I can swear that the gods are cruel to us.
Comments: Okay, I know I’m evil because I should be writing Perfection but another multi-chaptered one decided to go pop in my brain and I can’t write them both right away because they keep bothering me (like when I am writing Perfection, the other would bother me and when I am writing the other, perfection would bother me) Waahh! It’s so tough. So to make up for that, here is another oneshot from me because I won’t feel good unless I write a single one this week. And this is by the way for meh bubu_chan ‘cause I promised her one. (please remind me to finish my chapter four because right now, my mind is wandering off to other places. )
I have no idea what happened. I absolutely do not know what was wrong. Sometimes I can swear that the gods are cruel or to us.
There were times when we would go home together, raging with anger, like we were ready to kill one another anyplace, anytime. Words would be thrown and spat inconsiderately as if there was nothing more important than speaking out bitterness just to hurt each other. Half of those bitterness were not even true, only mentioned because there were not enough things to say. It would go on, none of us was sure how long, until the battle of words would cease, with both of us finally realizing how we hurt each other with our own carelessness. Only then we would calm down. Coming back to our senses, apologies would endlessly be whispered on each other’s ears while we would ravage each other with rough and hungry kisses like there was no tomorrow.
Other times, we chose to settle our misunderstandings in silence, tension all over us as we avoided each other’s gaze not even wanting to brush skins. Those were the times we did not talk, not daring to say one hurtful word, afraid to ruin further the awkward situation we were in. When the both of us felt that I was safe to talk again, seeing how cold we were and how much we missed one another, we would cuddle together, never letting go as if we would lose each other if we broke away from that embrace.
This time, it was neither of the two. We were not even quarreling. We were both silent, or more appropriately, he was silent and I was left in confusion so I was too.
As far as I knew, it was just a normal night, going out with the other guys. After a few drinks in the regular bar we usually hang around, I left him a couple of minutes to buy another round of drinks for all of us. When I came back, he was already quiet. I was really curious but I tried to act normal, thinking that it would eventually pass and he would be back to his usual mood. But hours went by and he remained unspeaking, save for the need to reply to important questions. I tried to ask him if there was something bothering him but he just shrugged, not even giving me a single glance.
I decided to leave him be, not wanting to upset him more. Time had passed that we were like that it was becoming really uncomfortable so I suggested that we go home. He did not say anything though, he just nodded. I bid everyone goodbye and took him to the car with me. The whole time, he was quiet. I tried to ask him again but I just received another shrug. I was battling within myself whether I should press him for answers or not.
Reaching the conclusion that he wanted a time for himself, I kept my mouth shut as I drove the car. There was an unseen barrier that surrounded him. I just did not know where it came from. I wished he would talk to me, at least say something, anything, just give me a piece of his thoughts so I could do something for him. But that remained impossible.
“I’m going down,” he announced as I halted the car at the red light. My brows furrowed in surprise and puzzlement as I watched him unfasten his seatbelt unable to react properly.
“Where are you going?” I managed to ask just when he was about to slam the door at me but I guessed my voice did not reach him anymore.
A part of me wanted to go after him and haul him back if I have to while another part kept insisting that he needed time alone, time away from me and this part seemed stronger than the other as the traffic light turned green and I was forced to drive alone.
Entering our empty apartment, I sighed, pocketing my keys and heading straight to our room. I dropped myself on the bed, not finding anything else worth doing, though I knew I could not sleep. I could never rest, not when we were like this.
I turned to the other side, his side of the bed as if I would be able to see him lying there if I would just look closely. But, of course, if he was really there, his arms would have been wrapped around me, his breath touching my skin, and his heart beating with mine.
I guess I could never live my life the way before he barged in. I was so used to seeing him around me now, laughing. My time alone would never be the same and I doubted that I would ever want that. I snagged his pillow, covering my face with it. Stuck there was his scent, the smell of his shampoo and his favorite perfume. It had been just an hour but heavens, how I was missing him right now.
Where was he? What was he doing? I had the chance to follow him and drag him back with me to talk about whatever was bothering him if I just took a u-turn and ran with a fast speed. I could have caught him before he could hide away from me. Why did I watch him just leave?
I guess I was back to my first conclusion then. He needed time to himself, a time to think maybe, away from me. I knew it was natural to want some sort of space especially if he was feeling like that. But I could not help it. My heart was breaking into million pieces. What if he wanted to be alone that he did not want to come back? How would I survive with that?
I knew sometimes that I was overreacting. I trusted him and no one could contest that, even me. But when I was alone, I tend to think these things. We both love each other yes, but when I could not see him with me, and I was left thinking about him, I could really be insecure. Maybe it would never be easy, me, dealing with this stuff.
And if ever, did I have the power to make him come back?
It was easy to say that I could. No, of course, I could.
Maybe I should just check on him.
I brought out my phone from my pocket and dialed his number. If I was right, he had it switched off but if I was lucky, he could have forgotten about it and he might pick up. My first hunch was right though. The connection only brought me to the answering service in which I could leave a message. I hesitated a moment but then, “At least tell me where you are so I could come pick you up.” I said. “Or if you are still hiding from me, please, just please come home. I can’t take it like this.”
Did I sound pleading? I did not know. Maybe I did but the only thing I care about now was for him to come back. And if he was coming home, I should better wait for him.
I sat up, placing his pillow back on his side as I grabbed mine and our blanket and walked to the living room. I plopped the pillow on the couch and soon after, I lay down, waiting.
Three hours had gone by since I called him and he still had not come back. My thoughts were worse when I was worried plus upset. Other than the thought of him leaving and abandoning me, I was beginning to wonder if he was doing fine. It was late and he was alone. What if..?
Should I go after him now?
Okay, how to find him should be the last of my concerns. I could start from where he got off, drive around, I had a car right? I definitely could not just lie here and do nothing but wait. I could never allow anything to happen to him. I had to find him.
As I was about to get up from the couch, I heard the door clicking. Finally, that would be him.
I never had the chance to move for I was too caught up deciding whether I should greet him or not. Did he want my presence now or did he just come back because he needed to rest? So should I just let him rest then? He could have our bed all to himself tonight and I could take this couch and maybe I could ask him tomorrow. It was lame, yeah. I had the courage before but I was uncertain again.
It turned out that there was no need for me to decide as I heard his shuffling footsteps, stopping just when he was standing right behind where I was sleeping or supposed to be sleeping. “Why are you pretending to sleep there?” he asked.
I instantly sat up when I heard his voice, dropping my feet on the floor. He walked around the sofa and sat down next to me. I could see he was tired but he looked livelier than when he walked out on me.
“You were waiting for me were you?” he asked again.
I nodded, slowly, taking a deep breath. “You got me worrying about you,” I said. “I was about to go searching for you when you came in.”
“I shouldn’t have done that,” he smiled weakly at me. “I’m sorry.”
I did not care anymore. He was back home so what more could I ask for? I returned the smile, tapping my lap. “Come rest here.”
He grinned at me then reclined, settling his head on my lap. My hand automatically landed on his soft hair, curling the strands around my fingers. “Can you tell me now what happened?”
“I was,” he said, a slight blush staining his cheek. “Provoking you.”
“Provoking me?” I repeated, a little curious and a little confused.
“I was trying to make you angry,” he pouted. His fingers were playing with the hem of my shirt and he had his gaze away from me. “I don’t know why I suddenly thought of that. It was just a joke first. But when you fell quiet after your first attempt of asking me, I was really irritated. I wanted you to convince me to tell you what was wrong. And when I walked out, I wanted you to tell me not to go but…”
“If that was the case,” I said, taking his hand in mine. “I should have really dragged you then. I wanted too, but I thought you needed some time on your own. Did you know that you actually made me think that you’d never come back because you don’t want me anymore?”
“What made you think I’d do that?” He was looking at me now, with questioning eyes a hint of hurt glinting in his eyes.
“When I’m alone I tend to think of the worst cases,” I replied. “Don’t get me wrong. You know me. I’m a worrywart next to Kai at least.”
“Hmmm…” he was nodding, the doubts in his eyes slowly vanishing. He took my hand to his chest and began playing with it. “It was kind of funny don’t you think? I was so pissed off with you because you won’t even persuade me into talking. I’m an attention seeking bastard.”
“Actually I don’t mind that,” I said, poking him lightly on his stomach with my other hand. “It was better than what I thought which is- you wanted me to leave you alone. I don’t want you leaving me either, ever. I guess I’m selfish.”
“Really huh?” he said. “Are we even?”
“Maybe,” I shrugged. “I should trust my first instinct more often. I think too much.”
“I should find a better way of provoking you so you won’t have the wrong idea next time,” he laughed. “It was really sad. I missed you so much you know.”
“Me too. I thought I was going to die,” I said. He smiled at me then planted a quick kiss on my cheek.
“So what made you come back?” I asked when he was back on my lap.
“Your call,” he answered. “You have insomniac tendencies and you can’t sleep without me hugging you.”
I was about to protest but we both knew better. And he was right.
“Let’s go to bed Aoi,” he said. “I’m sleepy.”
So what if the gods decided to be bitchy to us? Who cares?
Endnotes: Omigawd! This was so random... *sighs* I don’t know what to think. So please tell me what to think...