A Double Standard (or, Feisty Independence Be Damned!)
I have a problem, and it goes like this:
I believe I can live a satisfying life without help.
Now when you take a moment to think about this, you realise it is untrue. Humans just don't work that way. The ones who try have a history of being eaten by tigers while they were asleep, because they didn't have a buddy keeping watch. People need people, because a single human being is susceptible to a far larger number of maladies, ailments, threats and hazards than a community is.
So obviously this belief which is fairly central to how I try to live, is flawed. So much so that I practice and preach its opposite to those who allow me to give them advice. "Let me help you," I say. "Call me any time." I tell my friends that they should be getting people to help them, because that's one of the many things people are there for.
So why don't I take my own advice?
I'm not sure. There's certainly no well thought-out, considered reason. I just believe I should be able to do things without help (e.g. work a job, keep myself healthy, maintain sanity or at least decorum), and I give myself a square rap on the ego should it turn out that I can't.
I can't justify this inconsistency between my words and my behaviour. Hence, I aim to unshackle my sense of self worth from my ability do avoid seeking help. For one week, I am going to ask for and receive help from 3 different people, about 3 different matters, each day. The objective is to find out whether my self esteem is intact this time next Tuesday. Logic says it will be, but fear tells me it won't.
My first action on this resolution happens right now. I ask you to hold me to this. Help me maintain my resolve, because otherwise I will wake up tomorrow and think, "nah, I'm fine," and go on as if this resolution had been made on New Year's Eve, after several cocktails. I don't want that to happen. So please help me, whether by allowing me to ask, or by means of judicious harassment, or any other way that you creative lot can come up with.
You have my gratitude in advance, and also in arrears for having read this far.
I believe I can live a satisfying life without help.
Now when you take a moment to think about this, you realise it is untrue. Humans just don't work that way. The ones who try have a history of being eaten by tigers while they were asleep, because they didn't have a buddy keeping watch. People need people, because a single human being is susceptible to a far larger number of maladies, ailments, threats and hazards than a community is.
So obviously this belief which is fairly central to how I try to live, is flawed. So much so that I practice and preach its opposite to those who allow me to give them advice. "Let me help you," I say. "Call me any time." I tell my friends that they should be getting people to help them, because that's one of the many things people are there for.
So why don't I take my own advice?
I'm not sure. There's certainly no well thought-out, considered reason. I just believe I should be able to do things without help (e.g. work a job, keep myself healthy, maintain sanity or at least decorum), and I give myself a square rap on the ego should it turn out that I can't.
I can't justify this inconsistency between my words and my behaviour. Hence, I aim to unshackle my sense of self worth from my ability do avoid seeking help. For one week, I am going to ask for and receive help from 3 different people, about 3 different matters, each day. The objective is to find out whether my self esteem is intact this time next Tuesday. Logic says it will be, but fear tells me it won't.
My first action on this resolution happens right now. I ask you to hold me to this. Help me maintain my resolve, because otherwise I will wake up tomorrow and think, "nah, I'm fine," and go on as if this resolution had been made on New Year's Eve, after several cocktails. I don't want that to happen. So please help me, whether by allowing me to ask, or by means of judicious harassment, or any other way that you creative lot can come up with.
You have my gratitude in advance, and also in arrears for having read this far.