i am trying to hold the whole world in my hands today.

the last three days have felt so long, every day has been its own long winter, i'm burning paper to stay warm. trying not to burn the house down.

out of the last 36 hours i have worked 24. i have slept 10. and i think the other two were spent listening for the train whistles or crying on my best friend.

i have always had a very practical method for learning my lesson.
i am practically learning my lesson.

there is one corner of my window not covered by lace or flowers and that is the corner where i look at the sky each day. cloudy cloudy cloudy sun.

i wear costumes now, every day.

if i clean out my blood will my brain be clean as well and emit no further shades of grey? if i clean out my brain will i be able to see colours again?

i do not normally spill secrets. so i won't.

here's a small one though. my brother is an intravenous drug addict.

i do wonder, what you say about me when you are with anyone else.

none of my words ever seem like the right words, when i spell them out they all look wrong somehow. bone sticking out of skin. so i say nothing. write nothing. braid my hair and chainsmoke. nothing. nohting. nogith. tonight. no.