LJ Idol Season 10, Week 6: Heel Turn

[my_name_is_jenn]

My father and I got along famously while I was growing up. He and my mother played "Good Cop, Bad Cop" and he was always, without exception, the Good Cop. He was the parent that played games with us, took us out for ice cream, took us to play mini golf, took us to the movies, taught us how to swim, went out in the ocean with us. My mother was the

Comments

[lilmissmagic71]

This has touched a very big chord within me... I was raised by a narcissist as well, a grandparent... and just a little over 14 months ago, I finally made the break. It is gut wrenchingly difficult sometimes... and sometimes it is the easiest thing in the world. ALWAYS it is the right thing. The toxicity levels were out of control. It only took me 45 years.

Well written... well done... and best to you in this.

[my_name_is_jenn]

It's tough. He was the fun parent. We always had a good time when we did things with him. Sure, they were always, without exception, things he wanted to do, but we still had fun.

But as I grew older and realized he never wanted to do anything I suggested, only ever wanted to do anything on "his weekends" (meaning if a band concert, theater performance, softball game, etc. fell on "his weekend", he wouldn't go), it started to dawn on me that he was really not well.

His drug and alcohol problem didn't help either.

I made it to about 30 I decided to make that break. I'm happier for it, but part of me still misses him.

[rayaso]

I am sorry about how things turned out with your father, and I can certainly understand why you have turned away. When you were young, he did the easy party of being a father, but when his children became inconvenient, he left. I can't imagine how hard this must be for you.

[my_name_is_jenn]

but when his children became inconvenient, he left

Yes, exactly. The custody agreement he had with my mother was that he would get every other weekend and they'd alternate holidays. If a band concert, theater performance, softball game, etc. fell when it wasn't "his weekend", he wouldn't go because it wasn't "his weekend".

He paid child support to my mother, but that was it. Nothing extra. So any huge things that came up, any field trips anyone went on with school, etc., he refused to spend a dime on.

It's hard, and I still miss him sometimes. But I had to put myself first, something I really, really struggle with, and cut him out of my life. I'm healthier and happier for it, most days.

[dmousey]

I can understand why that last straw broke. I don't understand a parent who won't do for their child unless it glorifies themselves. Hugs and peace~~~

[my_name_is_jenn]

It's really hard to find out your parent cares more about himself than he does about you. It's especially hard to know that he doesn't care about the health of his children, because fixing something like that would be an inconvenience to him.

Thank you. :)

[halfshellvenus]

That's such a sad situation for a child to grow up with. In many ways, it's lucky that you realized that he was a narcissist. So many children in that position go through agony wondering why they aren't good enough to please their parents, why they're such screw-ups (which they must be, as they are blamed for everything that goes wrong), and why it is never enough, no matter how hard they try and how guilty they feel. It's so much better to know that it isn't you. At all.

I can understand why that would have been the final straw, with all of those years of complaining that two children with health issues don't visit more (i.e., pay homage to his role as a father) when he made no effort to get rid of the health risk for them. Money, now THAT was a motivator. :(

[roina_arwen]

I'm sorry you had to break it off with your father, but I fully understand your reasoning for it. I wish you all the best!