Day 1: A meme for inspiration

[my_solipsism]

I've barely written this year.. in this journal, or elsewhere.. not counting business.  Feel like I'm losing something important that's always been a part of me.  So, I'm going to try a silly internet meme, to see if it helps get me back on the roll, and potentially toward finishing one of the books in 2011.

Day 01 Something you hate about yourself.

Comments

[deevious4]

Wow...I know exactly what you mean. I also do just that, but I think you're better at hiding it. I really never would have guessed that about you, because you do seem very empathetic and in touch with your emotions--I don't think I do. I wonder if more people do that, also?

[my_solipsism]

I would totally feel better if I thought more people do that... it really makes me feel strange, like: what's wrong with my CPU that I operate this way?

[sistahraven]

I have a similar process, though admittedly I lost a lot of my strictly analytical brain in the past few years. I can still rationalize and justify some horrible things, and if I'm not in control over my darker side, I can shred someone verbally before my conscience catches up with me.

I do a lot of cost/benefit analysis as well, but if my heart registers an emotional benefit, it registers with the same weight as an non-emotional benefit.

I'll pay dearly in order to have an emotionally rewarding moment, because to me, emotional bonuses are permanent. Stuff and people can leave, but that moment in my mind will be there as long as my memory holds. I'm kind-of the opposite of many folks in that regard. My history is a big influence on that; the only thing people can't take from me is my memory.

[my_solipsism]

Emotional benefits will key in for me, too... it's sort of going back to when a therapist told me as a kid "you know, Mother Teresa was very selfish... because she did what she did to get into heaven and feel good about herself.. so there's nothing wrong with being selfish, just be careful how you apply it".

It all weighs out in the equation/balance, at the end of the day.. just whether it's worth it has to be figured before there's an action or reaction to almost anything.

Wick is one of the only people I don't really do this with.. but it pops up sometimes, and it's really not pretty.

[sistahraven]

I have a few folks who are mostly immune to my cost/benefit analysis, mostly because the emotional benefit is always there. When the cost/benefit does come up with them, it's usually when I'm pretty pissed off, or completely drained. Then, like you said, it can get to be not-pretty fairly quickly.

[my_solipsism]

I liked this one, and was looking for something to get me writing again. I also rarely keep up with memes, so this is kind of a personal challenge. :)