Dreams, coincidences and bullheaded idiots Or: how Jensen and Jared fell in love. NC17 (2/2)
Dreams, coincidences and bullheaded idiots Or: how Jensen and Jared fell in love. NC17 (2/2)
Author: my_specialhell
Artist: candygramme
Beta: winsangel
Pairing/Characters: Jared/Jensen
Genre: RPS
Rating: NC17
Challenge: Written for the j2noauchallenge
Summary: Despite everything…when it happened, Jared was blindsided by it. One moment they were co-stars, friends…who were having their first argument since they had started working together…and a moment later, they were kissing, Jensen’s hands cold and firm on his face, their bodies a cocoon of heat against the cold night surrounding them
Warnings:None
Word count: 10.613~
Link to Fic: here!
Link to Art: here!
AN: thank you so much to winsangel, for the amazing beta, for her support and for being the awesome person and friend she is. Thank you to candygramme for the beautiful art and the suggestions and for her support!:)
Part I
III
Despite everything when it happened, Jared was blindsided by it. One moment they were co-stars, friends who were having their first argument since they had started working together and a moment later, they were kissing, Jensen’s hands cold and firm on his face, their bodies a cocoon of heat against the cold night surrounding them.
He was so blindsided that he didn’t even realize that it had started raining or that Jensen had said something before leaving him outside with his taste on his lips and a giant, “what the fuck just happen?” in his mind.
~*~
At first there had been Adrianne, flirting with Jensen. She wasn’t even supposed to be on set since she just had one scene to shoot, but apparently she had gotten bored in her hotel and yes, Jared could basically see the air quotes when Adrienne had said that so he spent the whole day with them, the word subtle lost somewhere in the second hour on set.
Jensen had been gracious, but Jared recognized his costar’s best stonewall impersonation and eventually that night Adrienne had gotten a clue, especially after he had overheard - absolutely accidentally on purpose - that Jensen had too much on his mind and was having problems with his girlfriend.
He had also, accidentally on purpose, seen Adrienne cock an eyebrow at Jensen, throwing his costar and him a weird glance before retreating back to the bar. Last he’d seen her she was drinking vodka with some camera guy.
Friday nights were usually a noisy affair and when they wrapped at a decent hour they all went out drinking and having fun. He and Jensen, despite that weird dance they were doing in their private lives, were on the same page on all things work related.
They were making sure their set wasn’t a nightmare to work on. Jensen had shared some of his horror stories from other sets where he had worked and other stuff he had heard from crew members who had worked on other Vancouver based shows…or had worked with Jensen during his stint on Dark Angel. So his costar went out of his way to make the set a friendly environment and Jared for his part, was doing the same.
Working on a two lead show was slowly but surely frying his brain…and working with a guy he was sort of falling in love with was kicking his ass because Jensen was the most exasperating, charming, smart, infuriating man he had ever known.
Not only that, months spent working together and he still hadn’t gotten used to how hot Jensen was and he was starting to fear he never would. In short…he was kinda screwed!
It was the first time in his life that he was experiencing something so powerful, so unpredictable. Even now he was scanning the crowd looking for Jensen and since when had he needed to feel, touch, see someone? Not paying attention to people trying to talk to him, he moved among the crowd to find him. Even if they had spent all day together and even if they were beginning to spend every waking hour together, sometimes Jared felt like it was not enough and it was scary and exhilarating. Where the fuck was Jensen anyway?
He spotted his costar outside talking on his cell phone and nursing a beer. Jensen didn’t hear Jared approaching but Jared could hear what he was saying, and his heart sped up when he heard him say, “Stop dragging him into this, you know that’s not the problem!”
Jared saw his costar closing his eyes, still apparently oblivious of his presence. Jensen kept his eyes closed for a moment, his jaw set, listening to what was being said to him over the phone and Jared felt bad, he felt like a stalker. He thought he should drag his ass inside, get drunk and maybe give the man some space.
He was about to do exactly that when Jensen turned and surprised him. Jared froze on the spot, Jensen furrowed his brow but didn’t dismiss him, only turned, giving him his back and made a few steps while he continued his call.
Jared saw how Jensen was clutching his beer bottle, he couldn’t hear any more what he was saying, though Jensen could definitely be stealthy when he wanted to. He sighed, wishing that in his moment of neediness and dependency he had had the presence of mind of grabbing a bottle, because that? It was awkward!
He didn’t have to wait long because he heard Jensen muttering his good bye, and he didn’t like the tone of his voice. It was too hoarse, tired, and angry and he liked the look in his eyes when he turned around even less.
He had never seen Jensen without all his shields up. The closest he had gotten had been occasionally on set while tired after a long day of shooting, but even then Jensen always kept strict control over his emotions. For a moment, though, he saw something raw, naked in Jensen’s eyes. It was weariness, lust and anger all rolled into one.
It didn’t last long and he saw the walls coming back, but as Jensen took a step toward him he could still see anger in his eyes and hear it in his voice when he said, “Jared this is really not…”
“I didn’t want to interrupt you!” Jared said and mentally kicked himself. He thought he had outgrown his awkward phase when he had left Texas.
Jensen put the cell phone in the pocket of his jeans, he took a long drag from his bottle and mumbled, “Good to know.”
So the anger he had seen in Jensen’s eyes was directed at him? Looking at the older man, he felt it was more complicated than that and it dawned on Jared in that moment that just like he was getting good at reading Jensen, his co-star was probably doing the same with him.
And even if it was true that he hadn’t meant to interrupt or bother Jensen, it was also true that he hadn’t exactly been subtle about his intentions toward the man.
“Look, Jensen…” Jared started, but Jensen interrupted and said, “Can’t you get a clue? Just this once…can you get a fucking clue and leave me alone?”
If Jensen’s voice hadn’t cracked while he said those words, if he hadn’t taken a step toward him and gotten into his space, Jared would have maybe left or brushed off Jensen’s words. Instead he took a step forward, for once using his own height to his advantage, further reducing the space between them and hissed, “What the hell is your problem, man?”
Jensen had to tilt his head up a bit to look at him and that movement and the anger radiating from Jensen, went straight to Jared’s cock. They were used to getting into each other’s space all the time on set while they played Sam and Dean; although watching some of the dailies he had marveled at how close they always stood next to each other, were siblings supposed to act like that? That felt different, though, it felt different than any other time they had been so close. They weren’t Dean and Sam, and they’d been tiptoeing around things for far too long.
There was too much heat, too many things he could feel simmering just beneath the surface of Jensen’s calm exterior and there were too many words Jared was tempted to utter, questions in his mind, too many things he wanted and needed all at once.
Jensen was getting closer and closer, effectively closing the distance between them. He was still talking and Jared thought he was supposed to listen to his friend, but he couldn’t, not really. Sure, he knew Jensen was pissed and he knew he was supposed to pay attention, to get a grip or to stop acting like an idiot…but he just couldn’t.
He couldn’t move a muscle, couldn’t even blink and he had no idea why.
“Oh, for the love of…” Jensen said and his exasperation would have been almost comical under any other circumstance. “Are you even listening to a word I’m saying, J?”
Well…that was a first, Jensen calling him J, and he still hadn’t backed away from him. He was still crowding his space even though he hadn’t backed off and had done nothing to put any distance between them. Jensen’s eyes were impossibly wide and bright, his pupils blown and still clutching a beer bottle in one hand, his other closed in a tight fist at his side yet Jared still couldn’t say a word. He was at a loss for words - it was known to happen from time to time, even to him - too busy looking at Jensen’s lips, the freckles on the bridge of his nose and those eyes…the same of his dream, except that it was really happening and they weren’t on set or in character.
Jared opened his mouth to talk, even if he had no clue about what to say, because really…what could he say?
“Sorry for following you around? Sorry because I need to see you? By the way I’m in love with you…”
Yeah…that wouldn’t go over very well.
Jensen shook his head and then said, “What!” and then in a heartbeat, he was on him. Jared heard distinctly a “fuck this…” coming from Jensen, before the man’s lips were on his, warm, soft and demanding.
His instinct took over as he vaguely heard the bottle shattering on the pavement and Jensen’s hands, cold and calloused cradling his face, their bodies pressed together, their tastes mingling as Jensen’s tongue sought entrance and Jared was only too happy to oblige.
Jared could feel everything. The faint smell of Jensen’s cologne, the taste of beer, the itching on his face caused by Jensen’s stubble, the hard line of Jensen’s cock pressed against his hip and the cold air surrounding them. He felt lightheaded, his hears were buzzing with it, and holy shit…Jensen Ackles knew how to kiss!
Or maybe it was the fact that he had wanted to kiss Jensen for a very long time but that he was learning how he tasted and he could feel Jensen’s heart beating strongly against his chest, he was realizing that it felt familiar.
He pulled Jensen into him, to hold him tighter and that’s when Jensen pulled away. Huh…when had it started raining? And why was Jensen walking away? What the fuck had just happened?
~*~It figured that when it happened it would rain, because sometimes Jensen’s life looked like a giant cliché and of course he was the one who started the kiss, because his life wasn’t already complicated…
Falling in love with his costar, after all, wasn’t a big deal. The big deal was to not do anything about it.
~*~
“I’m a mess, Jared…you should leave me alone…”
Jensen wasn’t even sure if Jared had heard his words. He had uttered them right after he had kissed him, while his lips still tingled and he was short of breath. Jared had looked like a deer caught in headlights when he had pulled away from the kiss.
He hadn’t even felt the rain at first or noticed that he had let the bottle fall. He had just followed an impulse, one that had suddenly become impossible to ignore, after yet another fight with his boyfriend because of Jared. That, of course, hadn’t been their first fight, It had been something that was happening more and more frequently ever since they’d started shooting the show, and that night things sounded final.
He felt Jared’s presence behind him, had known it was him even before he turned around and saw the younger man with his hands in the pockets of his jeans and the wind blowing his hair.
And he had spoken the truth to Jared whether he had heard him or not. He was a mess and Jared should leave him alone.
Yet for a moment he was disappointed when Jared didn’t follow him and he was still short of breath when he got to his car, soaking wet because of the rain and still tasting Jared on his lips.
He even turned around, but Jared wasn’t there. He ran a hand through his hair, shivering. He was a mess? Freaking understatement of the year!
“Why?” Jared asked, “just give me a reason. A real one, Jensen!”
“I don’t do relationships!” Jensen replied.
Jensen had been short, precise and to the point. He also had channeled Dean Winchester and Jared had barely restrained
himself from rolling his eyes.
Jensen was also bat shit insane sometimes…and he was slowly driving Jared nuts as well.
Not that he complained.
~*~
A dozen or so kisses, a few mutual hand jobs and a memorable session of dry humping after their first kiss and not only was Jared at a loss, he was also very grateful for the winter break.
The wrap party had been a surreal experience for him. Jensen had been all over him one moment, then apparently he recalled that he wasn’t supposed to like him like that and backed off only to come back to him, lead him to the bathroom for a scorching kiss.
Apparently no one had informed him that he had been on a roller coaster, one where Jensen didn’t want a relationship and one where he did, but they couldn’t keep their hands off each other to save their lives.
He would have been more or less fine with it if when they weren’t busy trying to prove that they could melt into each other with their clothes on, they had become good friends.
When he and Jensen forgot about the little detail that they wanted to fuck each other’s brains out, being together was fun, they were on the same wave length on most things. working together made the hours flow by but then Jensen would get that look in his eyes, or he’d wet his lips in a certain way or he would say or do something and problems would start all over again.
And there was also the fact that their attraction translated on screen, and when he had gotten the last script Sam and Dean were still brothers. He didn’t think he would ever forget his sister Megan’s commentary on the first few episodes of the show.
He had a feeling, though, that it wasn’t something that they could fuck out of their systems, that was why Jensen was so freaked out and Jared had found out his patience was pretty much endless. For some reason he had skipped the freaking out part which was weird, considering how he usually was an emotional mess in other aspects of his life.
Jensen, though, was worth it. That was the simple truth and it wasn’t just an itch he desperately needed to scratch, it wasn’t just a matter of getting off .
That didn’t mean that he hadn’t basically run to the airport as soon as he had packed his bags and settled his dogs and for the first few days home, things had been great. Being on a rollercoaster was fun, except that he needed to understand. He needed to try and untangle himself from Jensen because the longer they stayed together, the more he would need him.
And unless Jensen changed, unless he decided what the fuck they were and stuck with it, he knew he would end up heartbroken. The bitch of it was that he couldn’t blame Jensen, not really. He knew his “friend” or something more than friend and less than boyfriend? Fuck buddy to be? His costar was conflicted as well and he knew he didn’t want to hurt him.
Yet, he was patient and he thought Jensen was worth it, but he also needed some time…and Jensen needed time, too.
He did indeed relax, spent time with family and friends over the break. He’d even talked to Jensen a couple of times and their conversations had been those one would expect from two buddies. No innuendo, no double meanings and yes, talking to his costar after just a few days apart had smelled of codependency, but Rome wasn’t built in a day! Or so Jared had thought, until the FedEx courier came.
He immediately recognized Jensen’s handwriting on the note attached to the iPod. There was an address and three simple words: “Listen to me.”
Jared had two choices clear as day in front of him; take the iPod and the note and stuff them in his duffle, call Jensen and ask him what the hell his problem was, or grab his coat and car keys and drive to the address on the note…go to Jensen.
He was out of the door five minutes later but first he texted Jensen:
“You’re crazy, you know that?”
Jensen replied immediately after:
“Yep. And that’s news because?”
Jared actually rolled his eyes at the text and wrote,
“Asshole. Be there soon as I can.”
“Jared...”
Jensen’s voice had starteld Jared. It was the last thing he had expected from his, well he really didn’t know what Jensen was in his life at the moment and labels sucked anyway and in Jensen’s case, Jared honestly had no idea what Jensen and he were.
Jensen Ackles kept surprising him and just when he thought he had him all figured out he went and proved him wrong by doing or saying something that made him want to kiss him within a inch of his life… or headbutt him.
That rollercoaster? He wouldn’t want to leave it if his life depended on it, not if it meant not being surprised every single day, in some fashion, by Jensen.
“I must be crazy. You probably think I am.” Jensen’s voice was softer than he was used to hearing as he listened through the speakers. Jared shook his head, suddenly wishing Jensen had chosen somewhere closer to meet.
“I mean…” Jensen chuckled, and Jared could almost see him tilting his head as the smile reached his eyes because he had soon learned to recognize a real Jensen’s smile and he was surprised when he realized that ever since he had known Jensen, he had seen him smile, a lot. Real smiles, the ones that made him look younger and made him fall in love with him, every single time.
“I’ve never done anything like this before, believe me!” There was a moment of silence, then Jensen said, “I…I just don’t know, man. I was driving this morning and these songs kept popping up on the radio…those songs you always listen to…I was in the mall and I was sure I had seen you. I was positive, man…but it wasn’t you…”
Jared knew Jensen wasn’t acting, not with him…the pauses in his speech after the words he said were real, his accent slipped and he felt breathless for a moment. That was Jensen, he was reaching out to him, telling him things and forgetting all his self imposed and very stupid rules.
“I wouldn’t blame you if you decided to ignore all of this…and not come. I really wouldn’t.”
“Liar!” Jared said aloud and smiled. He didn’t even care if going to Jensen made him look like an idiot, a doormat…
It was Jensen…and him.
Part of him had loved him ever since dreaming of him. The other? That part fell in love a bit more with every passing day.
“So…” Jensen said, “I don’t know if you’re listening to this, I don’t even know what I said” a brief pause and then Jensen added under his breath, “I’ve hung with you too long.”
Jared shook his head but almost hit the brakes when Jensen whispered, “and yet I miss you…”
Jensen sounded surprised by his own words much like Jared was when, at the end of long days of shooting, he didn’t want to part from Jensen.
“Welcome to our lives, Jensen…” Jared said.
Our life.
Jared liked the sound of it.
In the end it had been a conglomeration of things. Jensen didn’t believe in signs, didn’t believe in a lot of things but even he could see when the universe was trying to tell him something, was begging him to get a clue already.
It had been catching one of Jared’s favorite songs on the radio and recalling how he could slaughter songs and yet be endearing while doing it.
It had been finding one of Jared’s beanies in his duffel bag.
It had been missing him, like he didn’t think he could miss someone. It had been smiling when looking at pictures on his cellphone - and the fact that he had gone and looked for them.
It had been missing Jared, hating the silence surrounding him and thinking that he was not whole…and it was crazy because it was not something that had ever happened to him. He wasn’t that kind of person…except apparently he was.
The truth had floored him for a moment; not only did he miss Jared, but he needed him.
He had never been a gambler but he did take a risk when he sent that message to Jared. He risked his refusal, his anger. He risked him telling to make up his fucking mind already.
And he had. God help him, he had.
He was in love with Jared Padalecki but that wasn’t new…
What was new was that he wouldn’t fight it any more, not if it meant spending another day without him.
~*~
The words came, but later. The true words, those not growled and filled with lust. There were explanations, soul baring hours filled with words whispered in the dark, in the half light of morning…
Jensen had never really understood the expression: ‘ being swept away’ until he had met Jared, until the kid had barged into his life. He had filled his waking hours and his dreams, so much that now, less than a year after he met him he honestly couldn’t imagine life without him in it.
He hadn’t really known what it meant being swept away until Jared knocked at the door of his hotel room and he opened it with his heart in his throat and happiness bubbling under his skin.
And if he hadn’t already come to terms with the fact that he was head over heels for Jared, he would have fallen for him when he saw him outside his hotel room, a huge smile on his face and yet hesitancy in his body, in the way his hands were in the pocket of his jeans, at least until he saw him.
It only took him two steps to get inside the room, the door slamming loudly behind them and then he was swept away, he knew what it meant, and it was the most amazing thing that had ever happened to him when Jared’s hands were on both sides of his face, his eyes boring right into his soul and it was so liberating to let it happen.
“I listened” Jared only said…as if it explained everything, and it did.
Jared didn’t let him reply, his body got impossibly closer - yes, apparently they did manage to bend the law of physics or something and his lips were on his; gentle, warm, soft, seeking entrance with soft pecks on his lips.
They had kissed before, of course and it had always been like lighting, sudden bursts of passion that left them both panting and craving more. It was different that time; it was fire, and Jensen had no doubts it’d have been like that, but it was a slow process…a slow burn engulfing them both, inch by inch.
Jared took his time. Jensen could feel the hardness of the man’s cock pressing against him and his own pressing painfully against the zipper of his jeans. He explored his mouth, teased him as his thumbs formed slow, soft circles on his cheeks and he let him do the same. He moaned in his mouth when Jensen’s hands went to his back first, and then one hand on the nape of his neck, the other running through his hair, scraping the scalp.
Jared pushed Jensen backwards, his back hitting the wall as Jared pinned him against it, never interrupting the kiss. He was
breathing Jared in; his warm breath, his taste and he was surprised he had been able to pull away before, to stop himself from going too far. All the rational reasons and even the irrational ones, didn’t matter, they were forgotten.
It was Jared who eventually pulled back. He rested his forehead against Jensen’s, his eyes closed, tickling his face with his breath, hands gripping Jensen’s hips as if he was afraid he would run away or change his mind.
Jared looked at him and Jensen could clearly read the implicit questions in his eyes…the answer was yes to all of them.
Yes, he was in love with him.
Yes, he wanted to make love to him.
Yes, he was afraid of the future.
Yes, he knew Jared was in love with him as well.
Yes, it felt like they had been waiting forever for that moment instead of less than a year.
He nodded and led him to the bedroom, clothes and shoes scattering all around them, almost as if by magic. Jared’s coat, sweater and shirt stripped away until they both fell on the bed and for a second,they were both breathless.
They chuckled when they both reached for each other’s zipper at the same time, but Jared surprised him by putting a firm hand on his chest and stopping him. He was smiling, his lips wet and swollen, pupils blown, the bangs covering his forehead and his hand above his heart telling him to stop, not to move.
He swallowed, loving that he could taste Jared on his lips. Jared was kneeling on the bed, one hand still on his chest, the other on his belt, unfastening with excruciating slowness. Jensen snorted in exasperation and Jared chuckled low in his throat, a sound that went straight to Jensen’s already hard cock.
If Jared noticed the moan escaping from his lips he didn’t show it, he was too busy unzipping his jeans, apparently oblivious of the bulge in his own. Jensen tilted his hips up, helping to free him of his jeans but Jared’s hand was still on his chest. He wasn’t about to stop him now…it was almost territorial, almost as if Jared was laying a claim on him.
He couldn’t help jerking his hips up when Jared’s fingers closed around his cock. It wasn’t the first time it happened, he should have gotten used to the feeling of Jared’s long fingers around his heated flesh, drawing soft circles on its head with the pad of his thumb …except that usually it didn’t go that way. It usually happened in one of their trailers right before wrapping for the night with quick hand jobs where they both muffled their moans and were still mostly dressed. Or it happened in bathroom stalls when they were both so worked up that it only took a few flicks of their wrists, a few pulls to reach climaxes that burned their lungs and left them trembling with aftershocks after.
Jared was taking his time now, still kneeling on the bed with one hand still on Jensen’s chest like it belonged there, the other teasing his cock like they had all the time of the world. It’s not like he wasn’t sporting a massive hard on himself but when Jensen moved his hands toward the man’s groin, Jared stopped him.
“Later,” he growled with a voice Jensen barely recognized and Jensen let his hands fall to his sides, gripping the sheets as Jared bent over him, his lips claiming his mouth first, a hungry, bruising kiss. He then he felt the man’s tongue licking a path along his jaw, his neck and the last coherency he had left disappeared before his blood headed south. Jensen thought the position Jared was in was probably uncomfortable, but the other man didn’t seem to mind.
He shifted on the bed and was licking his gently over his chest, teasing his nipples with the tip of his tongue as he kept jacking him. It was slower now, excruciatingly so and Jensen couldn’t help but moan. Jared chuckled against his skin and their eyes met for a moment, “You’re enjoying this,” Jensen whispered gruffly.
“Are you complaining?” Jared said, his hand still around his cock and Jensen couldn’t help shifting his hips, jerking them up to seek friction.
“Thought so…” Jared said, returning to lick and suck a path across his abdomen, and the muscles of Jensen’s stomach tensed in anticipation when Jared’s lips shifted down, licking and kissing the skin around his navel and then further down. Jensen couldn’t help closing his eyes when the wet heat of Jared’s mouth closed around the head of his cock.
And the thing that almost sent him over the edge right away was Jared moaning. Jared, whose tongue was doing things to the sensitive flesh of his cock, and perhaps at that moment he really didn’t want to know where he had learned the technique, and from whom.
His hand went to Jared’s hair, running his fingers through it over and over as he tried his best not to push into that tight heat, as much as he wanted to…
But even more he needed to touch Jared, now. He needed to feel the man’s skin against his own, but Jared didn’t seem of the same idea. His head was bobbing up and down, he was still moaning around him, sending jolts of pleasure through his body, one hand keeping his hip steady, the other wrapped around the base of his cock. Jensen tilted his head up and noticed that Jared had started humping the mattress.
And even if it took all his willpower not to let Jared continue what was he doing and it would mean losing his male card, he couldn’t help it, with a voice that he barely recognized as his own he said, “Jared…”
Jared looked at him, furrowing his brow and the sight of the younger man, his cheeks hollowed as he was still blowing him was almost enough to make Jensen come right there. Through gritted teeth he said, “Come here…”
And yes, that was love. Jared’s mouth left his cock with an audible wet sound…and he pouted. Jared honest to God pouted and Jensen couldn’t help it, even though he had to grab the base of his cock and he felt lightheaded and on the brink of insanity, he laughed.
Jared ,who was now kneeling on the bed with a confused expression on his face and was palming his erection. He looked confused, even though he was smiling as well. “Way to kill the mood!” he smirked.
“I’ll show you mood!” Jensen replied, managing to do just that…over and over.
Epilogue
Jensen didn’t believe in fairy tales. He knew that real life was complicated, that love sometimes could not be enough.
He knew all that…except that Jared kept proving him wrong year after year.
Yes, their life was not a fairy tale. They fought, they hurt each other sometimes. There were lies they had to tell, sacrifices and compromises.
There were stolen moments…and days where giving up would be easier.
There were tears and laughter and secrets whispered in the dark. There were rings and promises that were true, testaments of the fact that despite everything they hadn’t given up on each other and they never would if they could help it.
Their lives were messy and stressful, full of passion and luggage always half done. Their lives were phone calls and movie nights, long nights shooting and falling asleep still dressed on their bed at home.
No one could understand. Not their friends, not their families, not the people around them and somehow along the line they had stopped bothering to give explanations or care about what they thought.
It wasn’t perfect, but it was theirs…and they fought for it, for their happiness, for their life together.
And there were moments, brief and amazing, where Jensen did indeed feel like he was living in a fairytale.
All thanks to Jared.
~*~
They didn’t often have nights like these, away from everything and everyone, on the open sea; their iPhones forgotten in their room and just them, enjoying a bottle of wine and the warm ocean breeze.
Jensen looked at Jared. He had his eyes closed, a soft smile playing on his lips, the platinum of his band sparkling under the moonlight.
“Don’t brood” Jared said without opening his eyes.
“I’m not brooding” Jensen replied, not surprised in the least when his lover…his everything, always knew.
“Don’t think, then…just close your eyes and relax, Jen…we need it” Jared said, opening his eyes to look at him. “Or we could go to Mexico and hide there.”
Jensen smiled but he knew Jared was only half joking. He shortened the distance between them and wrapped Jared in his arms. Jensen kissed the side of his neck and sighed.
That was home. Jared and he, together, after all those years, they were home. And even if there had been times where he had almost hated it, had almost hated Jared for becoming so important, so necessary to him, in the end he knew that there was he supposed to be, with Jared.
“J?” Jensen said sleepily.
“Yeah?” Jared replied.
“Tell me something you never told me before.” He opened his eyes and Jared was looking at him, his eyes full of love and questions.
“I’m gay” Jared deadpanned.
Jensen laughed, hiding his face in the crook of Jared’s neck for a moment and whispered against his skin, “Me too…”
He felt Jared’s fingers running through his hair and the man placed a kiss on his head before saying, “Seriously?”
“Yep…” Jensen replied.
He heard Jared taking a deep breath and remained silent. There weren’t many things they hadn’t told to each other during the years even when things were tough, even when lies would have been better, easier, they had always chosen the truth.
He started when after a few seconds of silence Jared said, “I dreamt of you years before I met you. Before Dark Angel.”
Seven years and counting and Jared could still do that; he could still surprise him, could still make him fall in love.
And after everything they had been through, Jared’s words weren’t surprising in the least.
“Jen? You still with me?” Jared asked, and he almost looked worried now.
Jensen looked at him but he didn’t speak. He didn’t say, “I’m not going anywhere, I’m done running,” he just nodded his head and asked, “Was it a good dream?”
“Yep” Jared said, “a very good dream…but I’ll tell you some other time.”
Jensen nodded and rested his head against Jared’s chest and couldn’t help a smile when the man said in a voice that was barely more than a whisper, “The real thing is better.”
Oh, yes…yes it was.
- The End.
Author: my_specialhell
Artist: candygramme
Beta: winsangel
Pairing/Characters: Jared/Jensen
Genre: RPS
Rating: NC17
Challenge: Written for the j2noauchallenge
Summary: Despite everything…when it happened, Jared was blindsided by it. One moment they were co-stars, friends…who were having their first argument since they had started working together…and a moment later, they were kissing, Jensen’s hands cold and firm on his face, their bodies a cocoon of heat against the cold night surrounding them
Warnings:None
Word count: 10.613~
Link to Fic: here!
Link to Art: here!
AN: thank you so much to winsangel, for the amazing beta, for her support and for being the awesome person and friend she is. Thank you to candygramme for the beautiful art and the suggestions and for her support!:)
Part I
III
Despite everything when it happened, Jared was blindsided by it. One moment they were co-stars, friends who were having their first argument since they had started working together and a moment later, they were kissing, Jensen’s hands cold and firm on his face, their bodies a cocoon of heat against the cold night surrounding them.
He was so blindsided that he didn’t even realize that it had started raining or that Jensen had said something before leaving him outside with his taste on his lips and a giant, “what the fuck just happen?” in his mind.
~*~
At first there had been Adrianne, flirting with Jensen. She wasn’t even supposed to be on set since she just had one scene to shoot, but apparently she had gotten bored in her hotel and yes, Jared could basically see the air quotes when Adrienne had said that so he spent the whole day with them, the word subtle lost somewhere in the second hour on set.
Jensen had been gracious, but Jared recognized his costar’s best stonewall impersonation and eventually that night Adrienne had gotten a clue, especially after he had overheard - absolutely accidentally on purpose - that Jensen had too much on his mind and was having problems with his girlfriend.
He had also, accidentally on purpose, seen Adrienne cock an eyebrow at Jensen, throwing his costar and him a weird glance before retreating back to the bar. Last he’d seen her she was drinking vodka with some camera guy.
Friday nights were usually a noisy affair and when they wrapped at a decent hour they all went out drinking and having fun. He and Jensen, despite that weird dance they were doing in their private lives, were on the same page on all things work related.
They were making sure their set wasn’t a nightmare to work on. Jensen had shared some of his horror stories from other sets where he had worked and other stuff he had heard from crew members who had worked on other Vancouver based shows…or had worked with Jensen during his stint on Dark Angel. So his costar went out of his way to make the set a friendly environment and Jared for his part, was doing the same.
Working on a two lead show was slowly but surely frying his brain…and working with a guy he was sort of falling in love with was kicking his ass because Jensen was the most exasperating, charming, smart, infuriating man he had ever known.
Not only that, months spent working together and he still hadn’t gotten used to how hot Jensen was and he was starting to fear he never would. In short…he was kinda screwed!
It was the first time in his life that he was experiencing something so powerful, so unpredictable. Even now he was scanning the crowd looking for Jensen and since when had he needed to feel, touch, see someone? Not paying attention to people trying to talk to him, he moved among the crowd to find him. Even if they had spent all day together and even if they were beginning to spend every waking hour together, sometimes Jared felt like it was not enough and it was scary and exhilarating. Where the fuck was Jensen anyway?
He spotted his costar outside talking on his cell phone and nursing a beer. Jensen didn’t hear Jared approaching but Jared could hear what he was saying, and his heart sped up when he heard him say, “Stop dragging him into this, you know that’s not the problem!”
Jared saw his costar closing his eyes, still apparently oblivious of his presence. Jensen kept his eyes closed for a moment, his jaw set, listening to what was being said to him over the phone and Jared felt bad, he felt like a stalker. He thought he should drag his ass inside, get drunk and maybe give the man some space.
He was about to do exactly that when Jensen turned and surprised him. Jared froze on the spot, Jensen furrowed his brow but didn’t dismiss him, only turned, giving him his back and made a few steps while he continued his call.
Jared saw how Jensen was clutching his beer bottle, he couldn’t hear any more what he was saying, though Jensen could definitely be stealthy when he wanted to. He sighed, wishing that in his moment of neediness and dependency he had had the presence of mind of grabbing a bottle, because that? It was awkward!
He didn’t have to wait long because he heard Jensen muttering his good bye, and he didn’t like the tone of his voice. It was too hoarse, tired, and angry and he liked the look in his eyes when he turned around even less.
He had never seen Jensen without all his shields up. The closest he had gotten had been occasionally on set while tired after a long day of shooting, but even then Jensen always kept strict control over his emotions. For a moment, though, he saw something raw, naked in Jensen’s eyes. It was weariness, lust and anger all rolled into one.
It didn’t last long and he saw the walls coming back, but as Jensen took a step toward him he could still see anger in his eyes and hear it in his voice when he said, “Jared this is really not…”
“I didn’t want to interrupt you!” Jared said and mentally kicked himself. He thought he had outgrown his awkward phase when he had left Texas.
Jensen put the cell phone in the pocket of his jeans, he took a long drag from his bottle and mumbled, “Good to know.”
So the anger he had seen in Jensen’s eyes was directed at him? Looking at the older man, he felt it was more complicated than that and it dawned on Jared in that moment that just like he was getting good at reading Jensen, his co-star was probably doing the same with him.
And even if it was true that he hadn’t meant to interrupt or bother Jensen, it was also true that he hadn’t exactly been subtle about his intentions toward the man.
“Look, Jensen…” Jared started, but Jensen interrupted and said, “Can’t you get a clue? Just this once…can you get a fucking clue and leave me alone?”
If Jensen’s voice hadn’t cracked while he said those words, if he hadn’t taken a step toward him and gotten into his space, Jared would have maybe left or brushed off Jensen’s words. Instead he took a step forward, for once using his own height to his advantage, further reducing the space between them and hissed, “What the hell is your problem, man?”
Jensen had to tilt his head up a bit to look at him and that movement and the anger radiating from Jensen, went straight to Jared’s cock. They were used to getting into each other’s space all the time on set while they played Sam and Dean; although watching some of the dailies he had marveled at how close they always stood next to each other, were siblings supposed to act like that? That felt different, though, it felt different than any other time they had been so close. They weren’t Dean and Sam, and they’d been tiptoeing around things for far too long.
There was too much heat, too many things he could feel simmering just beneath the surface of Jensen’s calm exterior and there were too many words Jared was tempted to utter, questions in his mind, too many things he wanted and needed all at once.
Jensen was getting closer and closer, effectively closing the distance between them. He was still talking and Jared thought he was supposed to listen to his friend, but he couldn’t, not really. Sure, he knew Jensen was pissed and he knew he was supposed to pay attention, to get a grip or to stop acting like an idiot…but he just couldn’t.
He couldn’t move a muscle, couldn’t even blink and he had no idea why.
“Oh, for the love of…” Jensen said and his exasperation would have been almost comical under any other circumstance. “Are you even listening to a word I’m saying, J?”
Well…that was a first, Jensen calling him J, and he still hadn’t backed away from him. He was still crowding his space even though he hadn’t backed off and had done nothing to put any distance between them. Jensen’s eyes were impossibly wide and bright, his pupils blown and still clutching a beer bottle in one hand, his other closed in a tight fist at his side yet Jared still couldn’t say a word. He was at a loss for words - it was known to happen from time to time, even to him - too busy looking at Jensen’s lips, the freckles on the bridge of his nose and those eyes…the same of his dream, except that it was really happening and they weren’t on set or in character.
Jared opened his mouth to talk, even if he had no clue about what to say, because really…what could he say?
“Sorry for following you around? Sorry because I need to see you? By the way I’m in love with you…”
Yeah…that wouldn’t go over very well.
Jensen shook his head and then said, “What!” and then in a heartbeat, he was on him. Jared heard distinctly a “fuck this…” coming from Jensen, before the man’s lips were on his, warm, soft and demanding.
His instinct took over as he vaguely heard the bottle shattering on the pavement and Jensen’s hands, cold and calloused cradling his face, their bodies pressed together, their tastes mingling as Jensen’s tongue sought entrance and Jared was only too happy to oblige.
Jared could feel everything. The faint smell of Jensen’s cologne, the taste of beer, the itching on his face caused by Jensen’s stubble, the hard line of Jensen’s cock pressed against his hip and the cold air surrounding them. He felt lightheaded, his hears were buzzing with it, and holy shit…Jensen Ackles knew how to kiss!
Or maybe it was the fact that he had wanted to kiss Jensen for a very long time but that he was learning how he tasted and he could feel Jensen’s heart beating strongly against his chest, he was realizing that it felt familiar.
He pulled Jensen into him, to hold him tighter and that’s when Jensen pulled away. Huh…when had it started raining? And why was Jensen walking away? What the fuck had just happened?
~*~It figured that when it happened it would rain, because sometimes Jensen’s life looked like a giant cliché and of course he was the one who started the kiss, because his life wasn’t already complicated…
Falling in love with his costar, after all, wasn’t a big deal. The big deal was to not do anything about it.
~*~
“I’m a mess, Jared…you should leave me alone…”
Jensen wasn’t even sure if Jared had heard his words. He had uttered them right after he had kissed him, while his lips still tingled and he was short of breath. Jared had looked like a deer caught in headlights when he had pulled away from the kiss.
He hadn’t even felt the rain at first or noticed that he had let the bottle fall. He had just followed an impulse, one that had suddenly become impossible to ignore, after yet another fight with his boyfriend because of Jared. That, of course, hadn’t been their first fight, It had been something that was happening more and more frequently ever since they’d started shooting the show, and that night things sounded final.
He felt Jared’s presence behind him, had known it was him even before he turned around and saw the younger man with his hands in the pockets of his jeans and the wind blowing his hair.
And he had spoken the truth to Jared whether he had heard him or not. He was a mess and Jared should leave him alone.
Yet for a moment he was disappointed when Jared didn’t follow him and he was still short of breath when he got to his car, soaking wet because of the rain and still tasting Jared on his lips.
He even turned around, but Jared wasn’t there. He ran a hand through his hair, shivering. He was a mess? Freaking understatement of the year!
“Why?” Jared asked, “just give me a reason. A real one, Jensen!”
“I don’t do relationships!” Jensen replied.
Jensen had been short, precise and to the point. He also had channeled Dean Winchester and Jared had barely restrained
himself from rolling his eyes.
Jensen was also bat shit insane sometimes…and he was slowly driving Jared nuts as well.
Not that he complained.
~*~
A dozen or so kisses, a few mutual hand jobs and a memorable session of dry humping after their first kiss and not only was Jared at a loss, he was also very grateful for the winter break.
The wrap party had been a surreal experience for him. Jensen had been all over him one moment, then apparently he recalled that he wasn’t supposed to like him like that and backed off only to come back to him, lead him to the bathroom for a scorching kiss.
Apparently no one had informed him that he had been on a roller coaster, one where Jensen didn’t want a relationship and one where he did, but they couldn’t keep their hands off each other to save their lives.
He would have been more or less fine with it if when they weren’t busy trying to prove that they could melt into each other with their clothes on, they had become good friends.
When he and Jensen forgot about the little detail that they wanted to fuck each other’s brains out, being together was fun, they were on the same wave length on most things. working together made the hours flow by but then Jensen would get that look in his eyes, or he’d wet his lips in a certain way or he would say or do something and problems would start all over again.
And there was also the fact that their attraction translated on screen, and when he had gotten the last script Sam and Dean were still brothers. He didn’t think he would ever forget his sister Megan’s commentary on the first few episodes of the show.
He had a feeling, though, that it wasn’t something that they could fuck out of their systems, that was why Jensen was so freaked out and Jared had found out his patience was pretty much endless. For some reason he had skipped the freaking out part which was weird, considering how he usually was an emotional mess in other aspects of his life.
Jensen, though, was worth it. That was the simple truth and it wasn’t just an itch he desperately needed to scratch, it wasn’t just a matter of getting off .
That didn’t mean that he hadn’t basically run to the airport as soon as he had packed his bags and settled his dogs and for the first few days home, things had been great. Being on a rollercoaster was fun, except that he needed to understand. He needed to try and untangle himself from Jensen because the longer they stayed together, the more he would need him.
And unless Jensen changed, unless he decided what the fuck they were and stuck with it, he knew he would end up heartbroken. The bitch of it was that he couldn’t blame Jensen, not really. He knew his “friend” or something more than friend and less than boyfriend? Fuck buddy to be? His costar was conflicted as well and he knew he didn’t want to hurt him.
Yet, he was patient and he thought Jensen was worth it, but he also needed some time…and Jensen needed time, too.
He did indeed relax, spent time with family and friends over the break. He’d even talked to Jensen a couple of times and their conversations had been those one would expect from two buddies. No innuendo, no double meanings and yes, talking to his costar after just a few days apart had smelled of codependency, but Rome wasn’t built in a day! Or so Jared had thought, until the FedEx courier came.
He immediately recognized Jensen’s handwriting on the note attached to the iPod. There was an address and three simple words: “Listen to me.”
Jared had two choices clear as day in front of him; take the iPod and the note and stuff them in his duffle, call Jensen and ask him what the hell his problem was, or grab his coat and car keys and drive to the address on the note…go to Jensen.
He was out of the door five minutes later but first he texted Jensen:
“You’re crazy, you know that?”
Jensen replied immediately after:
“Yep. And that’s news because?”
Jared actually rolled his eyes at the text and wrote,
“Asshole. Be there soon as I can.”
“Jared...”
Jensen’s voice had starteld Jared. It was the last thing he had expected from his, well he really didn’t know what Jensen was in his life at the moment and labels sucked anyway and in Jensen’s case, Jared honestly had no idea what Jensen and he were.
Jensen Ackles kept surprising him and just when he thought he had him all figured out he went and proved him wrong by doing or saying something that made him want to kiss him within a inch of his life… or headbutt him.
That rollercoaster? He wouldn’t want to leave it if his life depended on it, not if it meant not being surprised every single day, in some fashion, by Jensen.
“I must be crazy. You probably think I am.” Jensen’s voice was softer than he was used to hearing as he listened through the speakers. Jared shook his head, suddenly wishing Jensen had chosen somewhere closer to meet.
“I mean…” Jensen chuckled, and Jared could almost see him tilting his head as the smile reached his eyes because he had soon learned to recognize a real Jensen’s smile and he was surprised when he realized that ever since he had known Jensen, he had seen him smile, a lot. Real smiles, the ones that made him look younger and made him fall in love with him, every single time.
“I’ve never done anything like this before, believe me!” There was a moment of silence, then Jensen said, “I…I just don’t know, man. I was driving this morning and these songs kept popping up on the radio…those songs you always listen to…I was in the mall and I was sure I had seen you. I was positive, man…but it wasn’t you…”
Jared knew Jensen wasn’t acting, not with him…the pauses in his speech after the words he said were real, his accent slipped and he felt breathless for a moment. That was Jensen, he was reaching out to him, telling him things and forgetting all his self imposed and very stupid rules.
“I wouldn’t blame you if you decided to ignore all of this…and not come. I really wouldn’t.”
“Liar!” Jared said aloud and smiled. He didn’t even care if going to Jensen made him look like an idiot, a doormat…
It was Jensen…and him.
Part of him had loved him ever since dreaming of him. The other? That part fell in love a bit more with every passing day.
“So…” Jensen said, “I don’t know if you’re listening to this, I don’t even know what I said” a brief pause and then Jensen added under his breath, “I’ve hung with you too long.”
Jared shook his head but almost hit the brakes when Jensen whispered, “and yet I miss you…”
Jensen sounded surprised by his own words much like Jared was when, at the end of long days of shooting, he didn’t want to part from Jensen.
“Welcome to our lives, Jensen…” Jared said.
Our life.
Jared liked the sound of it.
In the end it had been a conglomeration of things. Jensen didn’t believe in signs, didn’t believe in a lot of things but even he could see when the universe was trying to tell him something, was begging him to get a clue already.
It had been catching one of Jared’s favorite songs on the radio and recalling how he could slaughter songs and yet be endearing while doing it.
It had been finding one of Jared’s beanies in his duffel bag.
It had been missing him, like he didn’t think he could miss someone. It had been smiling when looking at pictures on his cellphone - and the fact that he had gone and looked for them.
It had been missing Jared, hating the silence surrounding him and thinking that he was not whole…and it was crazy because it was not something that had ever happened to him. He wasn’t that kind of person…except apparently he was.
The truth had floored him for a moment; not only did he miss Jared, but he needed him.
He had never been a gambler but he did take a risk when he sent that message to Jared. He risked his refusal, his anger. He risked him telling to make up his fucking mind already.
And he had. God help him, he had.
He was in love with Jared Padalecki but that wasn’t new…
What was new was that he wouldn’t fight it any more, not if it meant spending another day without him.
~*~
The words came, but later. The true words, those not growled and filled with lust. There were explanations, soul baring hours filled with words whispered in the dark, in the half light of morning…
Jensen had never really understood the expression: ‘ being swept away’ until he had met Jared, until the kid had barged into his life. He had filled his waking hours and his dreams, so much that now, less than a year after he met him he honestly couldn’t imagine life without him in it.
He hadn’t really known what it meant being swept away until Jared knocked at the door of his hotel room and he opened it with his heart in his throat and happiness bubbling under his skin.
And if he hadn’t already come to terms with the fact that he was head over heels for Jared, he would have fallen for him when he saw him outside his hotel room, a huge smile on his face and yet hesitancy in his body, in the way his hands were in the pocket of his jeans, at least until he saw him.
It only took him two steps to get inside the room, the door slamming loudly behind them and then he was swept away, he knew what it meant, and it was the most amazing thing that had ever happened to him when Jared’s hands were on both sides of his face, his eyes boring right into his soul and it was so liberating to let it happen.
“I listened” Jared only said…as if it explained everything, and it did.
Jared didn’t let him reply, his body got impossibly closer - yes, apparently they did manage to bend the law of physics or something and his lips were on his; gentle, warm, soft, seeking entrance with soft pecks on his lips.
They had kissed before, of course and it had always been like lighting, sudden bursts of passion that left them both panting and craving more. It was different that time; it was fire, and Jensen had no doubts it’d have been like that, but it was a slow process…a slow burn engulfing them both, inch by inch.
Jared took his time. Jensen could feel the hardness of the man’s cock pressing against him and his own pressing painfully against the zipper of his jeans. He explored his mouth, teased him as his thumbs formed slow, soft circles on his cheeks and he let him do the same. He moaned in his mouth when Jensen’s hands went to his back first, and then one hand on the nape of his neck, the other running through his hair, scraping the scalp.
Jared pushed Jensen backwards, his back hitting the wall as Jared pinned him against it, never interrupting the kiss. He was
breathing Jared in; his warm breath, his taste and he was surprised he had been able to pull away before, to stop himself from going too far. All the rational reasons and even the irrational ones, didn’t matter, they were forgotten.
It was Jared who eventually pulled back. He rested his forehead against Jensen’s, his eyes closed, tickling his face with his breath, hands gripping Jensen’s hips as if he was afraid he would run away or change his mind.
Jared looked at him and Jensen could clearly read the implicit questions in his eyes…the answer was yes to all of them.
Yes, he was in love with him.
Yes, he wanted to make love to him.
Yes, he was afraid of the future.
Yes, he knew Jared was in love with him as well.
Yes, it felt like they had been waiting forever for that moment instead of less than a year.
He nodded and led him to the bedroom, clothes and shoes scattering all around them, almost as if by magic. Jared’s coat, sweater and shirt stripped away until they both fell on the bed and for a second,they were both breathless.
They chuckled when they both reached for each other’s zipper at the same time, but Jared surprised him by putting a firm hand on his chest and stopping him. He was smiling, his lips wet and swollen, pupils blown, the bangs covering his forehead and his hand above his heart telling him to stop, not to move.
He swallowed, loving that he could taste Jared on his lips. Jared was kneeling on the bed, one hand still on his chest, the other on his belt, unfastening with excruciating slowness. Jensen snorted in exasperation and Jared chuckled low in his throat, a sound that went straight to Jensen’s already hard cock.
If Jared noticed the moan escaping from his lips he didn’t show it, he was too busy unzipping his jeans, apparently oblivious of the bulge in his own. Jensen tilted his hips up, helping to free him of his jeans but Jared’s hand was still on his chest. He wasn’t about to stop him now…it was almost territorial, almost as if Jared was laying a claim on him.
He couldn’t help jerking his hips up when Jared’s fingers closed around his cock. It wasn’t the first time it happened, he should have gotten used to the feeling of Jared’s long fingers around his heated flesh, drawing soft circles on its head with the pad of his thumb …except that usually it didn’t go that way. It usually happened in one of their trailers right before wrapping for the night with quick hand jobs where they both muffled their moans and were still mostly dressed. Or it happened in bathroom stalls when they were both so worked up that it only took a few flicks of their wrists, a few pulls to reach climaxes that burned their lungs and left them trembling with aftershocks after.
Jared was taking his time now, still kneeling on the bed with one hand still on Jensen’s chest like it belonged there, the other teasing his cock like they had all the time of the world. It’s not like he wasn’t sporting a massive hard on himself but when Jensen moved his hands toward the man’s groin, Jared stopped him.
“Later,” he growled with a voice Jensen barely recognized and Jensen let his hands fall to his sides, gripping the sheets as Jared bent over him, his lips claiming his mouth first, a hungry, bruising kiss. He then he felt the man’s tongue licking a path along his jaw, his neck and the last coherency he had left disappeared before his blood headed south. Jensen thought the position Jared was in was probably uncomfortable, but the other man didn’t seem to mind.
He shifted on the bed and was licking his gently over his chest, teasing his nipples with the tip of his tongue as he kept jacking him. It was slower now, excruciatingly so and Jensen couldn’t help but moan. Jared chuckled against his skin and their eyes met for a moment, “You’re enjoying this,” Jensen whispered gruffly.
“Are you complaining?” Jared said, his hand still around his cock and Jensen couldn’t help shifting his hips, jerking them up to seek friction.
“Thought so…” Jared said, returning to lick and suck a path across his abdomen, and the muscles of Jensen’s stomach tensed in anticipation when Jared’s lips shifted down, licking and kissing the skin around his navel and then further down. Jensen couldn’t help closing his eyes when the wet heat of Jared’s mouth closed around the head of his cock.
And the thing that almost sent him over the edge right away was Jared moaning. Jared, whose tongue was doing things to the sensitive flesh of his cock, and perhaps at that moment he really didn’t want to know where he had learned the technique, and from whom.
His hand went to Jared’s hair, running his fingers through it over and over as he tried his best not to push into that tight heat, as much as he wanted to…
But even more he needed to touch Jared, now. He needed to feel the man’s skin against his own, but Jared didn’t seem of the same idea. His head was bobbing up and down, he was still moaning around him, sending jolts of pleasure through his body, one hand keeping his hip steady, the other wrapped around the base of his cock. Jensen tilted his head up and noticed that Jared had started humping the mattress.
And even if it took all his willpower not to let Jared continue what was he doing and it would mean losing his male card, he couldn’t help it, with a voice that he barely recognized as his own he said, “Jared…”
Jared looked at him, furrowing his brow and the sight of the younger man, his cheeks hollowed as he was still blowing him was almost enough to make Jensen come right there. Through gritted teeth he said, “Come here…”
And yes, that was love. Jared’s mouth left his cock with an audible wet sound…and he pouted. Jared honest to God pouted and Jensen couldn’t help it, even though he had to grab the base of his cock and he felt lightheaded and on the brink of insanity, he laughed.
Jared ,who was now kneeling on the bed with a confused expression on his face and was palming his erection. He looked confused, even though he was smiling as well. “Way to kill the mood!” he smirked.
“I’ll show you mood!” Jensen replied, managing to do just that…over and over.
Epilogue
Jensen didn’t believe in fairy tales. He knew that real life was complicated, that love sometimes could not be enough.
He knew all that…except that Jared kept proving him wrong year after year.
Yes, their life was not a fairy tale. They fought, they hurt each other sometimes. There were lies they had to tell, sacrifices and compromises.
There were stolen moments…and days where giving up would be easier.
There were tears and laughter and secrets whispered in the dark. There were rings and promises that were true, testaments of the fact that despite everything they hadn’t given up on each other and they never would if they could help it.
Their lives were messy and stressful, full of passion and luggage always half done. Their lives were phone calls and movie nights, long nights shooting and falling asleep still dressed on their bed at home.
No one could understand. Not their friends, not their families, not the people around them and somehow along the line they had stopped bothering to give explanations or care about what they thought.
It wasn’t perfect, but it was theirs…and they fought for it, for their happiness, for their life together.
And there were moments, brief and amazing, where Jensen did indeed feel like he was living in a fairytale.
All thanks to Jared.
~*~
They didn’t often have nights like these, away from everything and everyone, on the open sea; their iPhones forgotten in their room and just them, enjoying a bottle of wine and the warm ocean breeze.
Jensen looked at Jared. He had his eyes closed, a soft smile playing on his lips, the platinum of his band sparkling under the moonlight.
“Don’t brood” Jared said without opening his eyes.
“I’m not brooding” Jensen replied, not surprised in the least when his lover…his everything, always knew.
“Don’t think, then…just close your eyes and relax, Jen…we need it” Jared said, opening his eyes to look at him. “Or we could go to Mexico and hide there.”
Jensen smiled but he knew Jared was only half joking. He shortened the distance between them and wrapped Jared in his arms. Jensen kissed the side of his neck and sighed.
That was home. Jared and he, together, after all those years, they were home. And even if there had been times where he had almost hated it, had almost hated Jared for becoming so important, so necessary to him, in the end he knew that there was he supposed to be, with Jared.
“J?” Jensen said sleepily.
“Yeah?” Jared replied.
“Tell me something you never told me before.” He opened his eyes and Jared was looking at him, his eyes full of love and questions.
“I’m gay” Jared deadpanned.
Jensen laughed, hiding his face in the crook of Jared’s neck for a moment and whispered against his skin, “Me too…”
He felt Jared’s fingers running through his hair and the man placed a kiss on his head before saying, “Seriously?”
“Yep…” Jensen replied.
He heard Jared taking a deep breath and remained silent. There weren’t many things they hadn’t told to each other during the years even when things were tough, even when lies would have been better, easier, they had always chosen the truth.
He started when after a few seconds of silence Jared said, “I dreamt of you years before I met you. Before Dark Angel.”
Seven years and counting and Jared could still do that; he could still surprise him, could still make him fall in love.
And after everything they had been through, Jared’s words weren’t surprising in the least.
“Jen? You still with me?” Jared asked, and he almost looked worried now.
Jensen looked at him but he didn’t speak. He didn’t say, “I’m not going anywhere, I’m done running,” he just nodded his head and asked, “Was it a good dream?”
“Yep” Jared said, “a very good dream…but I’ll tell you some other time.”
Jensen nodded and rested his head against Jared’s chest and couldn’t help a smile when the man said in a voice that was barely more than a whisper, “The real thing is better.”
Oh, yes…yes it was.
- The End.