don't look in the mirror at the face you don't recognize

[vivian]

He's perfect.

No, I'm exaggerating. Nobody's perfect. But he's sweet and he's funny and I really think he might be able to know the truth and be okay with it. (But can you ever be sure? There have been stories in the past, of loup-garoux who have fallen in love with humans and revealed themselves, and the pain and anguish it caused when the human

Comments

[_minxy_]

If he comes back, tell him. If he comes back after you told him the lie that you never want to see him again, then you owe him the truth.

Then the two of you together can decide whether to go on or stop, but if he comes back for you, then you really are in it together, and it's time to start making decisions together.

[ladycrystala]

Ditto. And running isn't an option, sister and you know it. How far did your parents get?? Not far enough. And don't beat yourself up over that either. They made their choices and at the time they thought it was best. But here you are. In a similar situation. Learn from their mistake. Don't run and hide. You can't. The world isn't big enough. Yet, if want you want to badly enough you can make a change. However, with need comes sacrifice. What, sister, would you be prepared to sacrifice? Love?

[vivian]

I don't know what I'd be prepared to sacrifice, not without knowing what I'd get out of it, you know? Which I can't know, not right now. I'm being silly about things; this is all happening so fast and so furious that I haven't had time to stop and think, and I think that's what I need right now. Time to stop and think.

I'm going to stop worrying about all this, take a deep breath, enjoy the fact that I had a wonderful night last night, and wait and see what happens. And then I'll make a decision. I keep forgetting I don't have to solve everything right now.

[verbal_spewing]

totally. this is dead on. you can't just avoid, or run away from something that's so obviously meant to be happening.

[phoenix6901]

Hey, I just found your journal and found your story to be so intriguing.

I believe you. Everything you've said. I believe it.

To get to your problem, You said you want him, more than anything else, but your scared if he knew, he might not want you.

Tell him. Explain to him. Everything and see what happens.

If he leaves, than atleast his life won't be in any real danger and you'd have your answer.

If he stays, than you know you have someone you can exile yourself with, and it opens up new possibilities to you.

Atleast then, you'd know if he will be able to love you, for you. All of you.

Because he can't just love a piece of you, and never know the truth, its cruel to him and to you.

Yes, its dangerous, but it's just as dangerous as if you didn't tell him, maybe more. If he knows, he knows what he is getting into, and can make his own decision.
If he doesn't, than he can't really make his own choices.

Tell him.

I'll be brief:

[camomiletea]

+1

[vivian]

Thank you for believing me. (I'm still floored at how many people do, and how many people have such useful and amazing advice, and just, yes.)

I'm not so much worried about him leaving or running away or being too scared to stay, as worried that he might raise a fuss and bring down the wrath of the humans on the pack. I've seen it happen too often -- one or two humans can know about us, but three or four, well, they get scared, and four scared humans is a mob and they can do some serious damage.

But -- on the other hand --

I don't know. You're right, and I know you're right, and I want to tell him, but I'm scared not only for me but for the rest of us. On the other hand, though, not telling him is putting him in danger.

I'll think about it tomorrow. I don't have to make up my mind quite yet. For now I just want to sit here and remember how wonderful last night felt.

[firemantis]

Can you keep pretending? I dont think I could do that, I think the madness of all the many secrets growing within you, I think if I had them it would drive me to madness.

The sad truth is, you're in a pickle, girlie. One the one hand, theres Aiden, where your heart and wishes lie. And on the other theres the pack, where your loyalties should lie. But then again they should lie with your heart, which lies with Aiden, so this is all very confusing.

And Im telling you nothing you dont already know. I say make a break for it, head back to the states, and drag Aiden with you. Course maybe you should tell him before hand.

Perhaps you should see his reaction to the "real you" before you give up your life with the pack. Maybe its time to take the plunge, find out the truth? I dont know Viv, whatever you decide... goodluck.

[vivian]

I won't run away with him under false pretenses -- that wouldn't be fair to him, and it wouldn't be safe for me. If I do want to run, I have to tell him first -- or rather, if I want to run with him. I could run by myself, but then I wouldn't have the possibility of him anymore, and I could stay, but if I stay, then I should cut ties with him entirely, because this is all a danger to the pack, but on the other hand, I was already thinking about running away anyway because I don't want to just give in to Gabriel's crazy ideas about what we should be doing, because he's just as wrong --

I'm still going around in circles with this! In case you couldn't tell. I don't know either. And I'm not going to worry about it tonight. I'm going to sit here and remember last night and just be happy for a few hours.

[firemantis]

Good god girl, no offence but Im glad Im not you. I admit I always kind of wanted to be a wolf, something fast and beautiful and amazing, instead of plain old human, but if these are the kind of problems that you have to deal with being a wolf and a girl, and all that- if these are the problems... Ill just stick to being human, I swear, I thought my own drama was unbearable.

Running from Gabriel, sounds like a good idea... I dont trust him too much, pack leader or not, what did he do to become such, and maintain that role in the pack?

Telling him sounds like a good idea, but Ill leave that to you... personally Id seduce him, get him dead drunk, then tell him... when hes all lovey dovey *nods*

Be happy my dear, you deserve it, if only for a while just bask in it and be happy and content. I hope for only the best for you.

[vivian]

Thank you. It does mean a very great deal. :)

(Get him drunk, seduce him, and then tell him? That would be evil. But it might also work. Hee.)

[order_of_chaos]

Tell him. Even ff he can't cope, if he never wants to speak to you again, at least he'll be safe. Safer, anyway. Doesn't seem fair to not warn someone you care about that he's in danger.
And if he can cope - anyone who can write as well as you deserves happiness. Maybe everything won't go wrong. And at least you'll have someone real to talk to.

[vivian]

Thank you. You're right, I think, that this is a danger to him -- the not knowing. And I'm thinking about it. Really, really thinking about it.

And I have someone real to talk to! All of you. You're helping more than I could possibly begin to say.

[camomiletea]

Everything will be fine. I just feel it. I know you are scared, lost, confused... nothing's easy. But everything will be fine, and you better believe it. Vivian, try to imagine your best case scenario: what do you want to happen? Is Aiden in that picture? What's the situation in the pack in that dream situation? Imagine it as clearly as you can, and maybe it will help you to make it happen, in the real life. You'll at least know what first steps you need to take.

[vivian]

That's a really good question, and it's one I don't have an answer to. Not yet. I'm thinking about it, and I've been thinking about it since I got your comment, and the answer is -- I'm not sure. And I should be, before I go any further. You're right.

I mean, it's easy for me to say: the best-case scenario is one where I'm free. But what does "free" mean? Isn't everyone tied to something, bound by something? So I have to think about this, and I need to answer these questions, and worrying about things before I have those answers is silly and stupid. I keep realizing this, and I keep forgetting it, because I keep getting distracted. But I can't let myself get distracted anymore.

I don't have to have all the answers at once, though. I think that's the thing that keeps tripping me up. I'm impatient; I want it all now. I can wait. I'm scared and I'm lost and I'm confused but I have people who believe me and want to help, and that's more than I had two weeks ago.

Thank you.