too good to be true...

[mydnytshadow]

I knew it was too good to be true. It has been more than a week (almost 2 in fact), since I sent my father the e-mail letting him know how I feel and what I expect if he wants to continue to be a part of my life. I knew it was too good to appear, when he said he wanted to be a part of my life when we were on the phone in September. He has yet to

Comments

[_chandra]

I know that you're disappointed, but you have to know in your logical mind that his lack of involvement has very little, if anything, to do with you. That it is soley his issue and, although, it hurts you (as it would any normal caring feeling person) you should know that it's not your fault. At all. It has nothing to do with you or your accomplishments. Nothing about you would change this. And with that in mind, you should just be even more thankful that you have this wonderful step-dad to love and praise your life, which you deserve in loads.

Just remember all the wonderful people who love you unconditionally.

[mydnytshadow]

I am very grateful for those people that do love me unconditionally. I just wish I knew what he perceived as "wrong" with me so that I can talk to him about it and resolve this once and for all. I thought I was done with this last year and then he popped back into my life and now here I am again.

I am with chan on this one

[cschwartz]

I agree with chan. Life is to short to deal with people who should care but dont. It is not in any way, shape, or form your fault. You tried. You made the effort. At the end of the day that is all you can do. Sooner or later the person just in not relevent...you do not hurt or feel joy regarding them. They just are a stanger with a familiar face.
Enjoy the people and love that you have...cheerish that...
Trust me on this stuff...I have been around this for some time.

Re: I am with chan on this one

[mydnytshadow]

sweetheart, not to dismiss your experience, I have been dealing with this man and his reactions to me for over 20 years...yes I was not even a teenager when it started...

I know in my head what I should do, I know that it is his choice not mine; however, it does not help the fact that HE initiated, true it was while he was in the hospital and he thought he would die, and I had foolishly hoped he meant it this time. It does not take away the pain, it does not take away the fact that I let him in and he disappears. Repeatedly, the same thing. Blood is thicker than water, so they say. I wonder if I am the water to his blood and I just keep sliding through because he does not care for ME but does care for his other daughter...

[cadetstimpy]

You can take the easy way out, oppress it and pretend like youve let him go. He is your biological father.. you will never let him go. Thats why adopted children still seek out their biological parents. He is in your blood and he is always there.

My suggestion;

Did you put a timeframe for him to respond? Remember you should not expect anything you did not specifically ask for. DId you say or bring up emotional things that he may be having a hard time dealing with? Could he be upset or angry and something you may have stated? Remember, even though you dont think its upsetting.. someone else just might.

Call him again. Be persistant about it. Call him until he answers, show up in his face. Dont "ASSUME" that he doesnt want you or that there is something he sees that makes you not good enough. Ask him, make him tell you. GO see him if you havent heard from him.

Dont walk away with unanswered questions. The situation will never resolve or close unless you do.

[mydnytshadow]

Yes there was a timeframe on it

[cadetstimpy]

if I had a nickel for everytime youve told me youve let go of your father, and how easy it was.... Id be sittin at home with Joel.

It will never end, it will only subside for awhile, maybe even years. It will never resolve on its on. As time marches on and people get older, you may not have the same time as you do now.

He could be scared to talk to you, and he could be upset. There has to be A reason. Find it.

find a resolution. If I was as hurt or upset as you... Id have called far more than twice. lol

[mydnytshadow]

Honestly, I let go Once...it was last year and it was not an easy decision. I agonized over it for weeks if not months. I do not care what his reasons are anymore. He can have them. This is not to say that I have let go...YET...

I am tired of making all the moves to be involved. This has to be a two way street and that is what I told him. I told him how he has hurt me over the years and that I was glad he wanted to be a part of my life. That road is two ways. He HAS to make a move. YES, I am being stubborn, it is my way, it is how I deal with it. In a week or two I will call again and if I do not get a return call (if they are not home), then I will send another email a week later. I will not continue to be the only one making an effort. If he continues to be unresponsive then the ball is in his court and he can pick up the ball and join in when he wants to. This does not mean I am walking away, it simply means I am not going to be the only one standing on the court.
;)

[lakefaerie]

*hug*

[mydnytshadow]

Thanks

[musecalliopeia]

I know exactly where you are on this - my father (Peter) is as meticulously flaky as yours is, and my dad (Ed, the man I call Dad, the one who's been married to my mom for almost 27 years) is as good to me and supportive as your dad is.

You have to know that it's not you. And, while I'm sure you know this intellectually, I know that it doesn't feel that way. There is nothing wrong with you - it's him. He's the abandoning, commitmentphobic fuckwit.

Hang in there, girl.