(no subject)
Ed and Hank, 4th update, part 2
Sunshine… on a cloudy day… (Part 2)
Okay then...
Note: This is the 2nd of 3 or 4 parts that will eventually make up the 4th update. Disclaimer: Hank told their story to Annie Proulx. Jack and Ennis are all hers. Ed and Hank belong only to each other. $$: Seriously, please send money. Hank would like to retire. Or at least go on a road trip. (Ed, still not so much.) Comments: Always appreciated.
Everything else is here:
http://myeyesaintblue.livejournal.com/10082.html
Sunshine... on a cloudy day...
Part 1 is here:
http://myeyesaintblue.livejournal.com/25910.html
Part 2, Okay then...
Iris held Hank’s pocket watch up to the light shining through the living room window, turning it over and reading the inscription then opening it and looking at the face. “It’s really a nice watch, Hank. Just had to see it for myself. Couldn’t believe dad was the one who came up with the idea of putting ‘I love you, dumbass’ and ‘I love you too, dumbass’ on your watches.”
“Ed’s gonna kill me… he’s jus’ gonna kill me.” Hank dropped his hands from his face and turned to Iris, “So how’d ya find it, Iris?”
“A friend sent me the link for BrokebackSlash a long time ago… probably more than a year ago now… He knew what that movie did to me and thought maybe reading some of those stories might help. And it did. But sometimes it didn't. Sometimes it'd make me feel worse. But I still kept reading. I’d check in every now and then and try to keep up with some of them. I didn’t even notice your story until it was well under way. And I didn’t read it for a long time after that ‘cause I was looking for a happy ending for Jack and Ennis… not two old guys named Ed and Hank.”
“Hey… I think I resent that. We ain’t old.”
Iris smiled, “I meant Ed and Hank before I knew that they were you and dad. And that you and dad were really Jack and Ennis. Well... kind of... but not really. I think I'm getting confused...”
“’S okay. Confuses me too sometimes.”
“I think I'm mad at you though... Why didn’t you ever tell me that you met Annie Proulx and told her your story?”
“I’ll give ya three guesses ‘n the first two don’ count.”
“Dad didn’t want you to.”
“Got it on yer first try. Yer dad always told me you were a smart…”
Iris laughed, “Don’t you say it, Hank…”
“Sorry, Iris... Yer dad's fault really...”
“That’s okay… Anyway… Once I did start reading it I figured it out pretty quick, with the dogs named Edthedog and Hankthedog and you naming your dogs Ed and Hank. And then when you had to cancel your visit at Christmas because Bill was sick... And I know I should have stopped when I figured it out. Talked to you about it first. It felt wrong… like I was reading both of your diaries or something. But I just couldn’t stop. I feel like I got to know a whole other side of him… and you… through reading your story.”
“Jeez, Iris. Don' think tha’s a side yer dad wants ya knowin' 'bout. Me neither now tha’ I think ‘bout some a the stuff I wrote... Not tha’ it were near ‘xplicit as some… Not even close, but still... Sure am glad now tha' I weren't any better at writin' them parts.”
“Not what I meant, Hank.” Iris laughed, “And I already knew about your fondness for ‘interestin’ shaped rocks’.”
“Yer dad’s gonna kill me. He’s gonna kill me dead.”
“I don’t think so. Not from what I’ve been reading.”
Hank tried to think about what he’d written. Tried to think if there was anything Iris shouldn’t have read, besides all that, “Shit… Iris… Shit… I wrote ‘bout yer dad sayin’ tha’ ya migh’ not be his… Shit… ‘n all tha’ stuff I wrote ‘bout yer mom… I… shoulda… don’ know why I didn’… but I jus’ never thought ‘bout you readin’ all tha’ some day...”
Iris sighed, “That part’s been really hard. But I’m in therapy now and I’m coming to terms with it. So I think maybe… eventually… I’ll be able to work through it… and talk to mom about it. Of course that means I’ll have to tell her how I know…”
“Iris… I’m real sorry... I… uh... I...”
Iris laughed, “Just teasing you, Hank. Don’t worry... I already knew the whole story. Mom sat me down and made sure I knew about everything she went through before she sent me out into the world. It was way back when I was in high school… Think I must have been fifteen or sixteen… we weren’t getting along too well back then, just typical teenage stuff I guess, but she sat me down and made me listen. Think she would have tied me down if she’d had to.”
Hank breathed a sigh of relief, “Damn. Tha’ were real mean a you Iris.”
“I know, I just couldn’t resist. But the last thing mom wanted was for me to make the same mistakes she did. She told me how, at first, she thought she was in love with dad but then she fell for that other guy real hard. And when she found out she was pregnant he took off on her and broke her heart. Then she was so relieved when dad married her that she didn’t even care that she didn’t love him… didn’t care that I might not be his… and didn’t even think about whether or not dad loved her. I knew it all.”
“Yer dad said yer ma told ya wha’ ya needed ta know… didn’ think tha’ meant she told ya the whole story…”
“She told me what I needed to know alright. Think I mighta been the only sixteen year old in the whole state who knew everything there was to know about birth control. I could tell how embarrassed mom was. It was really hard for her, but she did it. She sat me down with this big book… “Our Bodies, Ourselves” it was called. That was the first one, but they’re still putting out new editions. She must have found out about it when there was a big fight in town and they banned it from the library. Well… not really a big fight, more like almost the whole town against that one librarian… Think she was the same librarian who helped dad out with the religion books… I don’t even know how mom got her hands on that book… but she did. If I think of it I’m gonna ask her next time I talk to her.”
“That librarian prob’bly helped her get it.”
“I bet you’re right. Maybe she lent mom the copy that was banned from the library?” Iris smiled then, “And I’d bet you anything dad’s my real dad alright. After mom told me that story I was upset for quite a while... and I spent a lot of time trying to see if I could see anything of dad in me. But I didn’t even notice until I started visiting you two here that dad and I have the exact same feet. I guess he never looked at them side by side real close either. Of course his are a lot bigger, but otherwise they’re the same.”
"How'd ya ever get a good look at his feet? Man don' 'xactly like ta walk 'round barefoot."
"It was one time when you and dad took me up to that lake in the mountains. Remember? We used to go there when I'd visit you in the summer."
“Ya got a lot a yer dad in ya Iris, not just his feet.”
“Yeah… but like dad said, it wouldn’t really matter if he wasn’t my biological father. He’d still be my dad. And he’d still love me and I’d still love him. Except…”
“’Xcept wha’?”
“Well… it might have mattered for you two… you and dad… I know it was really me that came between you. Not mom.”
“Don’ say tha’ Iris…”
“It’s the truth...”
“It ain’t true. ‘N ’m real sorry ‘bout writin’ wha’ I did. I jus’ blurted it out, then wrote ‘bout it withou’ thinkin’ tha’ you’d ever read it. But you read wha’ yer dad said… ‘bout us prob’bly not makin’ it all the way ta these years if’n we had got ta gether righ’ off. ‘N the more I think ‘bout tha’ the more I think it’s true. We were real young ‘n life woulda been real hard fer us. Prob’bly near impossible. ‘N yer dad needed a lotta time ta get out from under all tha’ religion…”
“Yeah… but…”
“’N I admit it, Iris… I were jealous a you fer a lot a years. ‘Fore I got ta know ya. But I cain’t imagine our life withou’ ya. Ya know I love ya. ‘N ya know how much yer dad loves ya. Don’ think he’d be the man he is ta day if’n he hadn’ a had ya in his life.”
“You know I love you too, Hank. But there’ve been times I’ve been jealous of you too. After I found out what you meant to dad." Iris laughed, "But I know the order well enough... 'Hank, Iris, steak, pie'.”
“Yeah, tha’s wha’ yer dad said, but all’s I know is tha’ I wouldn’ wanna be tied ta the railroad tracks next ta ya with a train headin’ straight fer us ‘n yer dad only havin’ ‘nough time ta untie one of us."
“Somehow I think dad would figure out a way to save both of us, even if it meant he had to throw himself in front of that train to do it.”
“Think yer right, Iris. But don' ferget... way things did happen... it were you tha' saved yer dad. He wouldn' be 'round at all ta day if'n it weren't fer you. So… lookin’ back… well… it jus’ seems like it worked out the best way it coulda all ‘round.”
“I still can’t believe dad was going to kill himself. I can’t imagine the pain he must have been in. And I never even saw it. How could I not have seen it?”
“You were jus’ a l’il girl Iris. ‘N I didn’ see it neither… Doubt yer ma saw it. Yer dad were real good at hidin’ things.”
“I’ve tried and tried to remember that day… And I can’t. I just can't. What if I had gone out the front door? What if I hadn’t stopped to kiss him? What if…”
“But ya did. ‘N even if’n ya hadn’… I bet jus’ thinkin’ ‘bout ya woulda made him stop ‘fore he did anythin’. I don’ think he coulda left ya. ‘N ‘sides… tha’ were all my fault... It were on account a me tha’ he were gonna kill his self. But he decided ta live ’cause a you.”
“It wasn’t because of you, Hank. It was because of all that dumbass religion and our dumbass society… making him think he wasn’t worthy of love. Wasn’t worthy of living even. I’m just so glad he didn’t do it. I can’t imagine him not being around.”
“Me neither, Iris. I think maybe…”
Hank stopped talking as the door opened and Ed stuck his head out, “Wha’ are you two yammerin’ ‘bout out here?”
“Nothin’.” “Nothing.”
“Mind if’n I join ya or is this some kinda private club?”
“C’mon out , Ed.” Hank held up his drink, “Grab yer self a jacket ‘n a drink ‘fore ya do. I left the whiskey out on the counter.”
“Don’ know if’n I wanna drink. Migh’ jus’ put me righ’ back ta sleep.”
“Well then would ya mind bringin’ the bottle out here ‘n a glass with some ice ‘n it?”
“You don’ like it with ice. I do.”
“Cain’t a fella try somethin’ new?”
“Suit yer self… I’ll be righ’ back.” Ed left the door ajar as he turned and headed towards the kitchen.
“Are we going to tell him now?”
“Better than waitin’ ‘n havin’ ta think’ ‘bout wha’ he migh’ do ta us when he finds out. Figure it’s better jus’ ta get it over with. ‘Sides… in this dim light it migh’ be easier on him... ‘n us... if’n we cain’t see his face.”
“How…? How are we going to do it?”
“I dunno…. Give him the good news first maybe… Start off showin’ him yer feet.”
“I think it’s too dark. Damn, Hank… I suddenly wish I’d never read it.”
“Yeah? I suddenly wished I never wrote it.”
“Maybe we shouldn’t tell him at all?”
“We gotta tell him.”
“Couldn’t we wait ‘til right before I leave?”
“Sure… tha’s real fair… Save yer self ‘n leave me ta deal with him alone…”
“Or at least wait ‘til morning?”
Hands full, Ed pushed the screen door open with his foot, “Wait ‘til mornin’ fer wha’, Iris?”
“To tell you that Iris came across our story online ‘n read it.”
“.…..”
“Ed?”
“……”
“Dad?”
“…...”
“Here… Sit down, Ed. Lemme take tha’ stuff from ya ‘n pour ya a drink.”
“……”
“Dad…?”
“……’
“We already figured out tha’ Iris is definitely yer kid. All them years… how could ya not ever have noticed tha’ you ‘n her have the same feet?”
“……”
“And I already knew everything about mom. She told me the whole story when I was in high school.”
“……”
“I’m real sorry, Ed. I never thought Iris would read it online like tha’. Never thought ‘bout her readin’ it at all. Guess I shoulda when we talked ‘bout printin’ it out.”
“……”
“And I should have stopped reading it when I realized it was your story. Asked you first if you minded. But I’m glad I read it too.”
“……”
“Are ya ever gonna say anythin’, Ed?”
“……”
“Dad…?”
“……”
“Ed…?”
“……”
“Ya think he’s okay, Hank?”
“Yeah. He’s okay. Ed? You okay?”
“……”
“C’mon, dad. It’s okay...”
“……”
“Yell if’n ya wanna, Ed. Jus’ say somethin’.”
“……”
“Yeah dad… Go ahead and yell at me.”
"......"
“Never heard him yell at ya before Iris.”
“First time for everything. Dad?"
"......"
"Ed...?"
"......"
"Dad…?”
“……”
“He’s prob’bly upset ‘bout the same thing I were at first…”
“……”
“Dad? It’s okay, dad… Don’t worry… I closed my eyes for those parts.”
“It’s not tha’… well… it is tha’… Shit… Dammit Hank, I jus’ knew something like this was gonna happen…”
“See… I told ya he’s okay.”
“No ‘m not okay, Hank.” Ed turned towards Iris, “But… Iris… it’s more than tha’… When I said… when I said tha’ I resented ya when ya was born… I shouldna said tha’… I didn’…”
“Dad… It’s okay… You and mom were so young… Just kids yourselves. And you were both in love with other people and not with each other… How could you not have resented me?”
“Iris… ‘m sorry… I…”
“There’s no reason for you to apologize, dad. The only thing that matters is that I never once felt like you or mom resented me. Not once.”
“Ya didn’?”
“No. I didn’t. And, sure, the older I got the more I realized that neither of you were happy. No matter how hard parents try to hide it, kids pick up on those things… And I’m not going to lie to you… it was hard sometimes…”
“I’m sorry ‘bout tha’ Iris… we tried not ta fight or yell in front a ya…”
“I don’t think I ever heard you and mom yell at each other. It was more the silence between you that was so hard to take… That house just seemed to get quieter and quieter as the years went by.”
“We didn’ mean ta hurt ya Iris… We didn’ know we were…”
“I know, dad. And I always knew you both loved me and I never felt like that, or the divorce, was my fault. You and mom both made sure of that.”
“Ya sure?”
“Yes, dad… I’m sure. And it wasn’t like you and mom were alone in not getting along. I had a lot of friends whose parents never got divorced and should have. But none of my friends had a dad who called them ‘Sunshine’. Or had a dad who made them feel like they could do anything they wanted to in this world. But I did. Okay?"
"Okay... but..."
And before you bring up that silly ‘Hank, Iris, steak, pie’ thing… Don’t. Hank and I already talked about it. Okay?”
“Okay… but…”
“But what, dad?”
“…But…uh… I don’ know how ta…” Ed turned to Hank, “Shit… ‘m gonna kill ya Hank…” Then he turned back to Iris, then looked away, “…Ya didn’ really close yer eyes fer them other parts, did ya?”
“Dad…”
“No… don’ answer tha’. I think I jus’ gotta pretend tha’ ya did... Can we jus’ pretend tha’ ya did…?”
“Don’t gotta pretend, dad. Of course I closed my eyes… Once I knew it was my dad I was reading about, how could I not have closed my eyes for those parts?”
“Really?”
“Yes. Really. Okay?”
“Okay then.”
“Okay then. I love you dad."
"I love you too, Iris."
“Ed…?”
“Did ya hear somethin’, Iris?”
“Aw, c’mon, Ed…”
“Swear I heard some kinda buzzin’ or somethin’.”
“It wasn’t Hank’s fault I found it, dad.”
“Well, he sure as hell is the one who wrote it. Kept tellin’ me no one would be able ta figure out it were us. Hell… I didn’ think there were hardly no one readin’ it.”
“Don’ think there is, Ed. Justa fluke tha’ Iris found it.”
“And I only figured it out because I’m family. And even then it was only because of mom’s story and the dog’s names and having to cancel your Christmas trip to Chicago ‘cause of Bill getting the flu.”
“’N wha’ if’n yer mom reads it?”
“Ain’t like she don’ know the story, Ed.”
“There’s tha’ buzzin’ again...”
“He’s right dad. Mom knows the story… At least about the stuff involving her.”
“Or Ruth? Wha’ if’n yer Aunt Ruth reads it?”
Iris started laughing, almost dropping her drink.
“Ain’t funny, Iris.”
“Yes it is…” Iris tried to stop laughing, but couldn’t “Oh my God… Can you just imagine? Aunt Ruth surfing the net for slash fiction?”
“Gonna have ta change them dog’s names.”
“Cain’t change their names. Already been through at least one name change. ‘N they ain’t ‘xactly the brightest dogs… liable ta confuse ‘em.”
“Hank’s right dad. You shouldn’t change their names now. No one else is going to figure it out.”
“No? Jus’ like you didn’? Maybe we could call them dogs Fred ‘n Frank from now on. Tha’ shouldn’ oughta confuse ‘em none. Least-wise not too much.”
“Think yer over-reactin’, Ed.”
“Over-reactin’, huh? Wha’s the next thing yer gonna do? Tell me ta calm down when I ain’t even raised ma voice yet? Ya know how much I love tha’.”
“Dad… Stop. Please?” Iris wiped the tears of laughter from her eyes, “I didn’t mean to get you upset with Hank. This is all my fault. I should have thought it through before I even brought it up.”
“This ain’t yer fault, Iris.”
“Yes. It is. And if you stay mad at Hank over this I’m going to feel just awful. At least once I can get that vision of Aunt Ruth out of my head and stop laughing that is...”
“Iris…”
“Promise me, dad... Promise me you won’t stay mad at Hank.”
“Ya know I cain’t never say no ta ya, Iris.”
“Good.” Iris turned to Hank, “Sorry, Hank. Didn’t mean to cause you any trouble.” Iris stood up and stretched and yawned, “Well… I think I’ve done just about enough for one night. I’m going to turn in early... get a good night’s rest before I start in on you two again in the morning.”
“G’nigh’ Iris. Real glad yer here. Sleep tight. Don’ let none a them bedbugs bite.”
“Goodnight, dad. I’m real glad I’m here too.” Iris bent over and hugged her dad tight then kissed him on the cheek, “And I’m real glad you’re still here too.”
“Me too, Iris. Me too.”
“Goodnight, Hank.”
“’Night, Iris.”
As Iris closed the door behind her, Hank turned to Ed, “Sorry, Ed...”
“There’s tha’ damn buzzin’ again. Think ‘m gonna hafta go get the fly swatter…”
“Hey… no fair… ya gave Iris yer word.”
“Promised Iris I wouldn’ stay mad at ya. Didn’ promise I’d stop righ’ ‘way.”
“So when ya figure you’ll stop?”
“Dunno… Depends…”
“On wha?”
Iris opened the door and stuck her head out, “Dad…?”
“Yeah, Sunshine?”
“You know when I said, ‘promise me you won’t stay mad at Hank’, I meant stop right now. Not some time in the future. Right?”
“Shit.”
“Thought so… Now cut it out… Goodnight you two. Love both of you dumbasses.”
“Love you too, Iris.”
“’Night, Iris. Thanks. Love you too.”
Ed laughed as Iris closed the door again, “Shit. Tha’ girl knows me a l’il too well.”
“Woman.”
“Don’ push yer luck, Hank.”
^^^^^^
"Ed...? Thought ya were sleepin'...?"
"Nope."
"You laughin'?"
"Yep."
"Watcha laughin' at?"
"Ruth."
"Thought of it is purty funny, ain't it?"
"Yep."
"Ya still mad at me?"
"Yep."
"Too mad to...?"
"Nope."
"Nope...?"
"Too tired though."
"Okay. Love ya, dumbass."
"Love you too, dumbass."
---
Sunshine... on a cloudy day... part 3 is here:
http://myeyesaintblue.livejournal.com/26753.html
---
Sunshine… on a cloudy day… (Part 2)
Okay then...
Note: This is the 2nd of 3 or 4 parts that will eventually make up the 4th update. Disclaimer: Hank told their story to Annie Proulx. Jack and Ennis are all hers. Ed and Hank belong only to each other. $$: Seriously, please send money. Hank would like to retire. Or at least go on a road trip. (Ed, still not so much.) Comments: Always appreciated.
Everything else is here:
http://myeyesaintblue.livejournal.com/10082.html
Sunshine... on a cloudy day...
Part 1 is here:
http://myeyesaintblue.livejournal.com/25910.html
Part 2, Okay then...
Iris held Hank’s pocket watch up to the light shining through the living room window, turning it over and reading the inscription then opening it and looking at the face. “It’s really a nice watch, Hank. Just had to see it for myself. Couldn’t believe dad was the one who came up with the idea of putting ‘I love you, dumbass’ and ‘I love you too, dumbass’ on your watches.”
“Ed’s gonna kill me… he’s jus’ gonna kill me.” Hank dropped his hands from his face and turned to Iris, “So how’d ya find it, Iris?”
“A friend sent me the link for BrokebackSlash a long time ago… probably more than a year ago now… He knew what that movie did to me and thought maybe reading some of those stories might help. And it did. But sometimes it didn't. Sometimes it'd make me feel worse. But I still kept reading. I’d check in every now and then and try to keep up with some of them. I didn’t even notice your story until it was well under way. And I didn’t read it for a long time after that ‘cause I was looking for a happy ending for Jack and Ennis… not two old guys named Ed and Hank.”
“Hey… I think I resent that. We ain’t old.”
Iris smiled, “I meant Ed and Hank before I knew that they were you and dad. And that you and dad were really Jack and Ennis. Well... kind of... but not really. I think I'm getting confused...”
“’S okay. Confuses me too sometimes.”
“I think I'm mad at you though... Why didn’t you ever tell me that you met Annie Proulx and told her your story?”
“I’ll give ya three guesses ‘n the first two don’ count.”
“Dad didn’t want you to.”
“Got it on yer first try. Yer dad always told me you were a smart…”
Iris laughed, “Don’t you say it, Hank…”
“Sorry, Iris... Yer dad's fault really...”
“That’s okay… Anyway… Once I did start reading it I figured it out pretty quick, with the dogs named Edthedog and Hankthedog and you naming your dogs Ed and Hank. And then when you had to cancel your visit at Christmas because Bill was sick... And I know I should have stopped when I figured it out. Talked to you about it first. It felt wrong… like I was reading both of your diaries or something. But I just couldn’t stop. I feel like I got to know a whole other side of him… and you… through reading your story.”
“Jeez, Iris. Don' think tha’s a side yer dad wants ya knowin' 'bout. Me neither now tha’ I think ‘bout some a the stuff I wrote... Not tha’ it were near ‘xplicit as some… Not even close, but still... Sure am glad now tha' I weren't any better at writin' them parts.”
“Not what I meant, Hank.” Iris laughed, “And I already knew about your fondness for ‘interestin’ shaped rocks’.”
“Yer dad’s gonna kill me. He’s gonna kill me dead.”
“I don’t think so. Not from what I’ve been reading.”
Hank tried to think about what he’d written. Tried to think if there was anything Iris shouldn’t have read, besides all that, “Shit… Iris… Shit… I wrote ‘bout yer dad sayin’ tha’ ya migh’ not be his… Shit… ‘n all tha’ stuff I wrote ‘bout yer mom… I… shoulda… don’ know why I didn’… but I jus’ never thought ‘bout you readin’ all tha’ some day...”
Iris sighed, “That part’s been really hard. But I’m in therapy now and I’m coming to terms with it. So I think maybe… eventually… I’ll be able to work through it… and talk to mom about it. Of course that means I’ll have to tell her how I know…”
“Iris… I’m real sorry... I… uh... I...”
Iris laughed, “Just teasing you, Hank. Don’t worry... I already knew the whole story. Mom sat me down and made sure I knew about everything she went through before she sent me out into the world. It was way back when I was in high school… Think I must have been fifteen or sixteen… we weren’t getting along too well back then, just typical teenage stuff I guess, but she sat me down and made me listen. Think she would have tied me down if she’d had to.”
Hank breathed a sigh of relief, “Damn. Tha’ were real mean a you Iris.”
“I know, I just couldn’t resist. But the last thing mom wanted was for me to make the same mistakes she did. She told me how, at first, she thought she was in love with dad but then she fell for that other guy real hard. And when she found out she was pregnant he took off on her and broke her heart. Then she was so relieved when dad married her that she didn’t even care that she didn’t love him… didn’t care that I might not be his… and didn’t even think about whether or not dad loved her. I knew it all.”
“Yer dad said yer ma told ya wha’ ya needed ta know… didn’ think tha’ meant she told ya the whole story…”
“She told me what I needed to know alright. Think I mighta been the only sixteen year old in the whole state who knew everything there was to know about birth control. I could tell how embarrassed mom was. It was really hard for her, but she did it. She sat me down with this big book… “Our Bodies, Ourselves” it was called. That was the first one, but they’re still putting out new editions. She must have found out about it when there was a big fight in town and they banned it from the library. Well… not really a big fight, more like almost the whole town against that one librarian… Think she was the same librarian who helped dad out with the religion books… I don’t even know how mom got her hands on that book… but she did. If I think of it I’m gonna ask her next time I talk to her.”
“That librarian prob’bly helped her get it.”
“I bet you’re right. Maybe she lent mom the copy that was banned from the library?” Iris smiled then, “And I’d bet you anything dad’s my real dad alright. After mom told me that story I was upset for quite a while... and I spent a lot of time trying to see if I could see anything of dad in me. But I didn’t even notice until I started visiting you two here that dad and I have the exact same feet. I guess he never looked at them side by side real close either. Of course his are a lot bigger, but otherwise they’re the same.”
"How'd ya ever get a good look at his feet? Man don' 'xactly like ta walk 'round barefoot."
"It was one time when you and dad took me up to that lake in the mountains. Remember? We used to go there when I'd visit you in the summer."
“Ya got a lot a yer dad in ya Iris, not just his feet.”
“Yeah… but like dad said, it wouldn’t really matter if he wasn’t my biological father. He’d still be my dad. And he’d still love me and I’d still love him. Except…”
“’Xcept wha’?”
“Well… it might have mattered for you two… you and dad… I know it was really me that came between you. Not mom.”
“Don’ say tha’ Iris…”
“It’s the truth...”
“It ain’t true. ‘N ’m real sorry ‘bout writin’ wha’ I did. I jus’ blurted it out, then wrote ‘bout it withou’ thinkin’ tha’ you’d ever read it. But you read wha’ yer dad said… ‘bout us prob’bly not makin’ it all the way ta these years if’n we had got ta gether righ’ off. ‘N the more I think ‘bout tha’ the more I think it’s true. We were real young ‘n life woulda been real hard fer us. Prob’bly near impossible. ‘N yer dad needed a lotta time ta get out from under all tha’ religion…”
“Yeah… but…”
“’N I admit it, Iris… I were jealous a you fer a lot a years. ‘Fore I got ta know ya. But I cain’t imagine our life withou’ ya. Ya know I love ya. ‘N ya know how much yer dad loves ya. Don’ think he’d be the man he is ta day if’n he hadn’ a had ya in his life.”
“You know I love you too, Hank. But there’ve been times I’ve been jealous of you too. After I found out what you meant to dad." Iris laughed, "But I know the order well enough... 'Hank, Iris, steak, pie'.”
“Yeah, tha’s wha’ yer dad said, but all’s I know is tha’ I wouldn’ wanna be tied ta the railroad tracks next ta ya with a train headin’ straight fer us ‘n yer dad only havin’ ‘nough time ta untie one of us."
“Somehow I think dad would figure out a way to save both of us, even if it meant he had to throw himself in front of that train to do it.”
“Think yer right, Iris. But don' ferget... way things did happen... it were you tha' saved yer dad. He wouldn' be 'round at all ta day if'n it weren't fer you. So… lookin’ back… well… it jus’ seems like it worked out the best way it coulda all ‘round.”
“I still can’t believe dad was going to kill himself. I can’t imagine the pain he must have been in. And I never even saw it. How could I not have seen it?”
“You were jus’ a l’il girl Iris. ‘N I didn’ see it neither… Doubt yer ma saw it. Yer dad were real good at hidin’ things.”
“I’ve tried and tried to remember that day… And I can’t. I just can't. What if I had gone out the front door? What if I hadn’t stopped to kiss him? What if…”
“But ya did. ‘N even if’n ya hadn’… I bet jus’ thinkin’ ‘bout ya woulda made him stop ‘fore he did anythin’. I don’ think he coulda left ya. ‘N ‘sides… tha’ were all my fault... It were on account a me tha’ he were gonna kill his self. But he decided ta live ’cause a you.”
“It wasn’t because of you, Hank. It was because of all that dumbass religion and our dumbass society… making him think he wasn’t worthy of love. Wasn’t worthy of living even. I’m just so glad he didn’t do it. I can’t imagine him not being around.”
“Me neither, Iris. I think maybe…”
Hank stopped talking as the door opened and Ed stuck his head out, “Wha’ are you two yammerin’ ‘bout out here?”
“Nothin’.” “Nothing.”
“Mind if’n I join ya or is this some kinda private club?”
“C’mon out , Ed.” Hank held up his drink, “Grab yer self a jacket ‘n a drink ‘fore ya do. I left the whiskey out on the counter.”
“Don’ know if’n I wanna drink. Migh’ jus’ put me righ’ back ta sleep.”
“Well then would ya mind bringin’ the bottle out here ‘n a glass with some ice ‘n it?”
“You don’ like it with ice. I do.”
“Cain’t a fella try somethin’ new?”
“Suit yer self… I’ll be righ’ back.” Ed left the door ajar as he turned and headed towards the kitchen.
“Are we going to tell him now?”
“Better than waitin’ ‘n havin’ ta think’ ‘bout wha’ he migh’ do ta us when he finds out. Figure it’s better jus’ ta get it over with. ‘Sides… in this dim light it migh’ be easier on him... ‘n us... if’n we cain’t see his face.”
“How…? How are we going to do it?”
“I dunno…. Give him the good news first maybe… Start off showin’ him yer feet.”
“I think it’s too dark. Damn, Hank… I suddenly wish I’d never read it.”
“Yeah? I suddenly wished I never wrote it.”
“Maybe we shouldn’t tell him at all?”
“We gotta tell him.”
“Couldn’t we wait ‘til right before I leave?”
“Sure… tha’s real fair… Save yer self ‘n leave me ta deal with him alone…”
“Or at least wait ‘til morning?”
Hands full, Ed pushed the screen door open with his foot, “Wait ‘til mornin’ fer wha’, Iris?”
“To tell you that Iris came across our story online ‘n read it.”
“.…..”
“Ed?”
“……”
“Dad?”
“…...”
“Here… Sit down, Ed. Lemme take tha’ stuff from ya ‘n pour ya a drink.”
“……”
“Dad…?”
“……’
“We already figured out tha’ Iris is definitely yer kid. All them years… how could ya not ever have noticed tha’ you ‘n her have the same feet?”
“……”
“And I already knew everything about mom. She told me the whole story when I was in high school.”
“……”
“I’m real sorry, Ed. I never thought Iris would read it online like tha’. Never thought ‘bout her readin’ it at all. Guess I shoulda when we talked ‘bout printin’ it out.”
“……”
“And I should have stopped reading it when I realized it was your story. Asked you first if you minded. But I’m glad I read it too.”
“……”
“Are ya ever gonna say anythin’, Ed?”
“……”
“Dad…?”
“……”
“Ed…?”
“……”
“Ya think he’s okay, Hank?”
“Yeah. He’s okay. Ed? You okay?”
“……”
“C’mon, dad. It’s okay...”
“……”
“Yell if’n ya wanna, Ed. Jus’ say somethin’.”
“……”
“Yeah dad… Go ahead and yell at me.”
"......"
“Never heard him yell at ya before Iris.”
“First time for everything. Dad?"
"......"
"Ed...?"
"......"
"Dad…?”
“……”
“He’s prob’bly upset ‘bout the same thing I were at first…”
“……”
“Dad? It’s okay, dad… Don’t worry… I closed my eyes for those parts.”
“It’s not tha’… well… it is tha’… Shit… Dammit Hank, I jus’ knew something like this was gonna happen…”
“See… I told ya he’s okay.”
“No ‘m not okay, Hank.” Ed turned towards Iris, “But… Iris… it’s more than tha’… When I said… when I said tha’ I resented ya when ya was born… I shouldna said tha’… I didn’…”
“Dad… It’s okay… You and mom were so young… Just kids yourselves. And you were both in love with other people and not with each other… How could you not have resented me?”
“Iris… ‘m sorry… I…”
“There’s no reason for you to apologize, dad. The only thing that matters is that I never once felt like you or mom resented me. Not once.”
“Ya didn’?”
“No. I didn’t. And, sure, the older I got the more I realized that neither of you were happy. No matter how hard parents try to hide it, kids pick up on those things… And I’m not going to lie to you… it was hard sometimes…”
“I’m sorry ‘bout tha’ Iris… we tried not ta fight or yell in front a ya…”
“I don’t think I ever heard you and mom yell at each other. It was more the silence between you that was so hard to take… That house just seemed to get quieter and quieter as the years went by.”
“We didn’ mean ta hurt ya Iris… We didn’ know we were…”
“I know, dad. And I always knew you both loved me and I never felt like that, or the divorce, was my fault. You and mom both made sure of that.”
“Ya sure?”
“Yes, dad… I’m sure. And it wasn’t like you and mom were alone in not getting along. I had a lot of friends whose parents never got divorced and should have. But none of my friends had a dad who called them ‘Sunshine’. Or had a dad who made them feel like they could do anything they wanted to in this world. But I did. Okay?"
"Okay... but..."
And before you bring up that silly ‘Hank, Iris, steak, pie’ thing… Don’t. Hank and I already talked about it. Okay?”
“Okay… but…”
“But what, dad?”
“…But…uh… I don’ know how ta…” Ed turned to Hank, “Shit… ‘m gonna kill ya Hank…” Then he turned back to Iris, then looked away, “…Ya didn’ really close yer eyes fer them other parts, did ya?”
“Dad…”
“No… don’ answer tha’. I think I jus’ gotta pretend tha’ ya did... Can we jus’ pretend tha’ ya did…?”
“Don’t gotta pretend, dad. Of course I closed my eyes… Once I knew it was my dad I was reading about, how could I not have closed my eyes for those parts?”
“Really?”
“Yes. Really. Okay?”
“Okay then.”
“Okay then. I love you dad."
"I love you too, Iris."
“Ed…?”
“Did ya hear somethin’, Iris?”
“Aw, c’mon, Ed…”
“Swear I heard some kinda buzzin’ or somethin’.”
“It wasn’t Hank’s fault I found it, dad.”
“Well, he sure as hell is the one who wrote it. Kept tellin’ me no one would be able ta figure out it were us. Hell… I didn’ think there were hardly no one readin’ it.”
“Don’ think there is, Ed. Justa fluke tha’ Iris found it.”
“And I only figured it out because I’m family. And even then it was only because of mom’s story and the dog’s names and having to cancel your Christmas trip to Chicago ‘cause of Bill getting the flu.”
“’N wha’ if’n yer mom reads it?”
“Ain’t like she don’ know the story, Ed.”
“There’s tha’ buzzin’ again...”
“He’s right dad. Mom knows the story… At least about the stuff involving her.”
“Or Ruth? Wha’ if’n yer Aunt Ruth reads it?”
Iris started laughing, almost dropping her drink.
“Ain’t funny, Iris.”
“Yes it is…” Iris tried to stop laughing, but couldn’t “Oh my God… Can you just imagine? Aunt Ruth surfing the net for slash fiction?”
“Gonna have ta change them dog’s names.”
“Cain’t change their names. Already been through at least one name change. ‘N they ain’t ‘xactly the brightest dogs… liable ta confuse ‘em.”
“Hank’s right dad. You shouldn’t change their names now. No one else is going to figure it out.”
“No? Jus’ like you didn’? Maybe we could call them dogs Fred ‘n Frank from now on. Tha’ shouldn’ oughta confuse ‘em none. Least-wise not too much.”
“Think yer over-reactin’, Ed.”
“Over-reactin’, huh? Wha’s the next thing yer gonna do? Tell me ta calm down when I ain’t even raised ma voice yet? Ya know how much I love tha’.”
“Dad… Stop. Please?” Iris wiped the tears of laughter from her eyes, “I didn’t mean to get you upset with Hank. This is all my fault. I should have thought it through before I even brought it up.”
“This ain’t yer fault, Iris.”
“Yes. It is. And if you stay mad at Hank over this I’m going to feel just awful. At least once I can get that vision of Aunt Ruth out of my head and stop laughing that is...”
“Iris…”
“Promise me, dad... Promise me you won’t stay mad at Hank.”
“Ya know I cain’t never say no ta ya, Iris.”
“Good.” Iris turned to Hank, “Sorry, Hank. Didn’t mean to cause you any trouble.” Iris stood up and stretched and yawned, “Well… I think I’ve done just about enough for one night. I’m going to turn in early... get a good night’s rest before I start in on you two again in the morning.”
“G’nigh’ Iris. Real glad yer here. Sleep tight. Don’ let none a them bedbugs bite.”
“Goodnight, dad. I’m real glad I’m here too.” Iris bent over and hugged her dad tight then kissed him on the cheek, “And I’m real glad you’re still here too.”
“Me too, Iris. Me too.”
“Goodnight, Hank.”
“’Night, Iris.”
As Iris closed the door behind her, Hank turned to Ed, “Sorry, Ed...”
“There’s tha’ damn buzzin’ again. Think ‘m gonna hafta go get the fly swatter…”
“Hey… no fair… ya gave Iris yer word.”
“Promised Iris I wouldn’ stay mad at ya. Didn’ promise I’d stop righ’ ‘way.”
“So when ya figure you’ll stop?”
“Dunno… Depends…”
“On wha?”
Iris opened the door and stuck her head out, “Dad…?”
“Yeah, Sunshine?”
“You know when I said, ‘promise me you won’t stay mad at Hank’, I meant stop right now. Not some time in the future. Right?”
“Shit.”
“Thought so… Now cut it out… Goodnight you two. Love both of you dumbasses.”
“Love you too, Iris.”
“’Night, Iris. Thanks. Love you too.”
Ed laughed as Iris closed the door again, “Shit. Tha’ girl knows me a l’il too well.”
“Woman.”
“Don’ push yer luck, Hank.”
^^^^^^
"Ed...? Thought ya were sleepin'...?"
"Nope."
"You laughin'?"
"Yep."
"Watcha laughin' at?"
"Ruth."
"Thought of it is purty funny, ain't it?"
"Yep."
"Ya still mad at me?"
"Yep."
"Too mad to...?"
"Nope."
"Nope...?"
"Too tired though."
"Okay. Love ya, dumbass."
"Love you too, dumbass."
---
Sunshine... on a cloudy day... part 3 is here:
http://myeyesaintblue.livejournal.com/26753.html
---