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Road Trippin' with Ed and Hank (9)
I wanna hold your hand...
Disclaimer: Hank told their story to Annie Proulx. Jack and Ennis are all hers. Ed and Hank belong only to each other. Rating: PG-13-I (with a LOT more swearin' than usual.) $$: Doesn't grow on trees. Comments: Always appreciated.
Everything else is here:
http://myeyesaintblue.livejournal.com/10082.html
I wanna hold your hand...
"Sorry, Hank... Didn' mean ta let ya down.
Ya sure ya don' mind...?"
"Nah... I can go it alone this time.
I'll try 'n be real quick-like."
...
........
.........
....
"Tha' didn' take ya long at all...
How was it?"
"Nice 'nough...
But not near as much fun as when ya come with me.
Like the other day..."
"Yeah... Tha' were real nice.
Enjoyed it a lot."
"Me too. Yer ankle feelin' any better, Ed?"
"L'il better... Shoulda had my boots on.
Wouldna turned my ankle if'n I had my boots on."
"If'n ya had had yer boots on
ya prob'bly woulda broke yer neck."
"Sorry, Hank...
Know ya wanted ta go up ta some a them other waterfalls...
Them ones tha' are a lot further away.
'N up tha' there narrow gorge..."
"Don' matter none, Ed.
Plenty a stuff we can see withou' ya havin' ta walk too far.
'N some a them waterfalls are righ' next ta the road."
"Tha' one's purty amazin'."
"Sure is.
Lotta folks 'round though...
We don' gotta stop if'n ya don' wanna."
"Ain't 'fraid a crowds... Jus' don' like 'em.
Guess I need a lot a tha' there personal space."
"Yeah... like 'bout two miles worth.
In ev'ry direction."
"Happier if'n it were at least three miles.
More space the better. 'Course tha' don' apply ta you.
Yer welcome ta invade my personal space most anytime ya wanna..."
"Anytime, huh?"
"I said most anytime.
Don' go gettin' no ideas, Hank...
Ya know I mean when there ain't no other folks 'round."
"Dare ya ta hold my hand while we walk over there."
"Ain't gonna hold yer hand, Hank."
"Them girls are holdin' hands..."
"Women. 'N good fer them.
Maybe if'n ya ask 'em real nice they'll hold yer hand too.
Now why don' ya jus' go 'n get yer self a closer look at tha' waterfall
while I wait over there fer ya."
"Can see it jus' fine from down here.
I don' gotta go up there."
"Yeah ya do."
"Yeah. I guess I do.
I won' be long though..."
"Take yer time, dumbass."
...
......
"So how was it?"
"Was real purty.
But don' know if'n ya woulda liked tha' bridge none anyways...
Tha' was some dropoff."
"I woulda been okay if'n it weren't too crowded."
"There were quite a crowd when I got up there."
"Yeah. 'S a real purty area though...
I sure did like tha' Vista House a whole lot."
"Woulda been more interestin'-lookin' if'n it were taller."
"Looked jus' fine the way it is.
Fits tha' spot real well."
"Yeah... Guess yer righ'.
Sure wish I woulda got a picture a tha' view a it in focus.
Don' know wha's wrong with this damn camera.
Sometimes it'll focus on the foreground but not on nothin' else.
'N sometimes it won' focus at all."
"Don' s'pose it could have nothin' ta do with ya droppin' it..."
"Should be able ta drop somethin' 'n not have it go breakin' on ya.
...Damn camera..."
"Ya dropped it onta concrete, Hank."
"Know damn well where I dropped it."
"Twice."
"Know damn well how many times I dropped it.
Ain't no rhyme or reason ta when or what it'll focus on.
...Damn camera... "
"Drop you onta concrete a couple a times
'n yer liable ta have some trouble focusin' too."
"Shit. Cain't afford ta go buyin' no new one.
Maybe if'n I try ta push this part in...
...Damn camera..."
"Should prob'bly leave it be, Hank.
Works some a the time anyways... don' it?"
"Yeah..."
"Coulda stopped workin' entirely.
Some a the time's better 'n nothin', ain't it?"
"Yeah...
...Damn camera..."
"Wouldya jus' ferget 'bout tha' damn camera fer a l'il while?"
"...Damn camera..."
"Sure is too bad they went 'n put tha' interstate righ' through here.
Built all them dams too. Guess it's a far cry from the wild river it once were."
"Yeah... This here gorge's been a throughway fer a awful long time.
Not many wild rivers left in this world.
They got tha' Colorado River so dammed up 'n whatnot
it don' always make it ta the ocean no more."
"Least-wise they still got some a tha' old highway ya can take here
ta get 'way from tha' there interstate."
"Yeah. Got part a it ya can walk too... like a trail."
"If'n ya wanna walk some a it I don' mind waitin' fer ya.
Same with tha' gorge... Know it ain't far."
"Nah. Don' wanna do it withou' ya.
'Specially tha' gorge...
Think it migh' remind us a tha' slot canyon."
"Which one?"
"You know... Tha' first one...
Our first summer...
Remember...?
Your first..."
"Ain't likely ta ferget tha'..."
"Maybe we can go next time."
"Next time?"
"Yeah, dumbass. Next time."
"Yer gonna have me doin' this whole trip over again... aintcha?"
"Maybe."
....
Later...
"Guess it's 'bout time we looked fer somewheres ta camp."
"'S awful hot 'n humid here, Hank..."
"Ain't s'posed ta be. This ain't usual.
But them kids from Portland said it'd cool off at night."
"Hard ta believe..."
"Well... How 'bout we look at the map...
There's gotta be some mountains nearby..."
"There's one...
'N there's 'nother one..."
"Ain't all tha' far, Ed.
Maybe we could head higher up ta camp. Bound ta be cooler.
Migh' be a sight less crowded too."
"Well...
it is a whole lot cooler...
but it sure ain't no less crowded..."
"Think them folks are all skiiin'.
Didn' think there'd still be skiin' this time a year.
Hey, Ed... ya ever wanna try skiin'?"
"Nope. Hard 'nough keepin' ma self in one piece jus' walkin' 'round."
"How 'bout we check out tha' there buildin'?
If'n ya think ya can walk tha' far?"
"Think I can.
But tha's a mighty ugly buildin'."
"Not tha' one... Tha' one's real unfortunate.
Musta been built in the 60's. Or poss'bly the 70's.
Cain't even bear ta look at it long 'nough ta take a picture of it.
I'm talkin' 'bout the one righ' behind tha' one."
"Dunno Hank... Seems too... uh... I dunno...
Maybe we should jus' go 'n try 'n find campin' 'fore it gets dark."
"C'mon... plenty a time 'fore it gets dark.
Besides, all work 'n no play makes Ed a dull boy..."
"Wha' the hell are ya talkin' 'bout Hank?
I ain't done a honest days work in a helluva long time."
"'S from tha' movie. 'The Shining'.
The story were inspired by a diff'rent hotel,
but the movie used this one... The outside a it least-wise."
"Think you mighta used tha' 'dull boy' thing
in yer writin' somewheres already."
"Think yer righ'.
Though I don' remember 'xactly where... Been writin' 'bout us fer so damn long...
'Sides... how the hell could I have known then tha' we'd be comin' here?
Didn' even know it earlier ta day."
"This place sure is built not ta fall down."
"Think it has ta be...
'S righ' under tha' there mountain...
'n it gets heaps a snow dumped on it most winters."
"I could believe someone'd go nuts
if'n they spent a entire winter holed up in this place."
"Yeah. Think 'm beginnin' ta feel a l'il funny righ' now...
Gettin' some mighty strange urges, Ed..."
"If'n they're any stranger than usual I don' think I wanna hear 'bout 'em."
"Ya sure? They mostly involve invadin' your personal space."
"Now why don't tha' s'prise me...?"
"Hey... I hear music...
Must be comin' from tha' bar...
Let's relax 'n get ourselves a drink
while I work on plannin' out tha' there invasion."
"Prob'bly real 'xpensive, Hank...
we cain't 'ford tha'."
"We can afford two dumbass drinks, dumbass."
"We agreed we'd be real careful 'bout money
'n it seems awful stupid ta go buyin' drinks in some bar
when we got a bottle a whiskey 'n plenty a beer in the truck."
"Dammit, Ed...
We been real careful 'bout money.
We never eat out. Ain't even stayed in one motel room."
"Tha's wha' we said we'd do."
"I know...
'n I ain't complainin' 'bout tha'...
But... jus' one time... jus' one goddamn time...
I wanna sit inside in a goddamn bar on a goddamn barstool
'n have a goddamn drink with my..."
"Fine. You go 'n do tha'.
I'll wait fer ya back at the goddamn truck."
"Fine. But don' think I don' know tha' this ain't jus' 'bout the money."
"Wha' the hell is tha' s'posed ta mean?"
"Think ya know damn well..."
"Well... I don't. So's why don' ya tell me."
"Think this is more 'bout you
not wantin' ta have a drink with me in a public place.
Not on a dark beach or a deserted beach or in a remote canyon.
But somewheres yer 'fraid I migh' get a l'il bit too relaxed 'n maybe ferget
that I ain't s'posed ta engage in any kind a public display a affection
with tha' straight-as-a-fuckin'-arrow guy sittin' next ta me.
The guy I been fuckin' fer forty-some fuckin' years.
The same guy who's usually 'fraid ta even
accident'lly bump inta me
in a public place."
"Tha' don' got nothin' ta do with it."
"Ya absolutely sure 'bout tha', Ed?"
"I ain't absolutely sure 'bout nothin'.
Now why dontcha jus' go 'n have yer goddamn drink....
Maybe you'll find some other guy who'll hold yer goddamn hand in public.
Yer so good at makin' friends with everyone it shouldn' be no problem fer ya at all.
You jus' go ahead 'n do whatever the hell ya wanna...
'M goin' back ta the goddamn truck."
"Fine with me."
"Fine with me too."
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4Cm5wz86kzk
"This barstool taken?"
"Does it look like it's taken?"
"Nope.
Can I buy you a drink?"
"Got one."
"You here for the skiing?"
"Nope."
"Saw you with tha' cowboy a l'il while ago...
You two... uh... together?"
"Maybe."
"You have a fight?
Looked like you two mighta been havin' a fight."
"Not tha' it's any a yer bus'ness...
but ya migh' say tha'."
"Know how tha' goes.
Had plenty a fights with my fella over the years."
"Tha' so?"
"Yeah... 'N I think I got some idea how to make ya feel a l'il better.
So... maybe later... if ya wanna... we could go somewhere quiet 'n talk...
Or somethin'... I know a place real close by."
"Won't yer fella mind?"
"Think he'd understand."
"'M 'fraid my pardner ain't near as understandin' as yers is...
So's ya migh' wanna hope he don' walk in 'n see ya
with yer hand on my knee like tha'."
"Jealous type, huh?"
"Not tha' he'd ever admit it. But yeah, he is."
"You two been together a long time?"
"Yep. A damn long time.
Got us a nice l'il cow 'n calf operation."
"Sounds fascinatin'."
"Well, it ain't.
Wha' 'bout you? Wha' d'you do?"
"I'm an astronaut...
'N my fella's a school bus driver."
"Ya don' say?"
"I do say."
"Must be some kinda story...
How ya met 'n all..."
"Well... ta make a long story short...
I were straight as an arrow 'fore I met him.
Then he ran me over with his school bus one day...
When I woke up I saw them eyes a his starin' down at me
'n bam... I turned gay righ' then 'n there."
"Ya don' say?"
"I do say."
"Them must be some eyes."
"Yep. Fell fer him like a ton a bricks."
"Ya did, huh?"
"Yep. But 'm worried he migh' be gettin' kinda tired a bein' with me..."
"Good-lookin' astronaut like you? Tha's hard ta believe."
"'S true...
Aside from bein' a famous astronaut...
'M 'fraid 'm just yer run a the mill stick in the mud.
'N I don' think I have it in me ta change like he wants me too.
Not near as much as he wants anyways."
"Bet ya ain't so bad...
'N I bet ya've changed more 'n ya know.
More 'n yer fella ever 'xpected... Or even had a righ' ta 'xpect.
'N I'd wager yer fella's got plenty a his own faults too."
"He sure does...
Way too many ta count."
"Tha' many, huh?"
"Maybe more...
'Course 'm still crazy 'bout him."
"Bet he's still crazy 'bout you too.
Stick, mud 'n all."
"Think so?"
"Think he'd be crazy not ta be."
"Can I buy ya 'nother drink?
Or are ya maybe interested in tha' there 'somethin' else' now...?
"Think maybe tha' there 'somethin' else' sounds good ta me.
But... uh... I didn' catch yer name...
Like ta have a name ta call out when 'm..."
"Didn' throw it. 'M name's Dick. Last name's Head."
"Tha's quite a name, Mr. Dickhead..."
"Tha's Major Dick Head.
Wha' with me bein' an astronaut 'n all..."
"Well, Major Dickhead...
can I interest you 'n havin' yer personal space invaded?"
"Lookin' forward ta it.
'S one a the things I enjoy most 'bout bein' gay."
"It is, huh?"
"Sure is."
"'N yer absolutely sure yer fella won' mind?"
"Nah. Imagine he's prob'bly lookin' forward ta it too."
"Damn right he is."
...
...
A little while later...
"Begin launch checklist..."
......
"Check."
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......
"Check."
"You gonna keep sayin' tha'?"
"Check."
.......
"Check."
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"Mmmm... Check."
......
"Damn..."
......
"Manuever rocket inta launch position."
"Dammit, Ed..."
"'Fraid you must have me confused with someone else...
The name's Major Dick Head.
Best fuckin' astronaut in the whole fuckin' universe."
"Stop makin' me laugh."
...
......
"Engage thrusters.
Boosters are standin' by in case of emergency.
C'mon, Hank... engage them thrusters."
"I swear... I'm gonna stop if'n you don' stop..."
"Dammit, Hank...
We can't turn back now.
The whole world's dependin' on us."
"The whole world, huh?"
"Yep. The whole fuckin' world."
"Guess... I'll jus'... hafta... keep... goin'... in tha'... case..."
...
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.........
"Houston... looks like we're ready fer lift-off..."
"Ed..."
...
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"T-minus ten seconds and countin'...
eight... seven... six... five... Damn... Hank... Damn..."
"Ed..."
"...Houston...
First payload has been jettisoned...
Goddamn..."
...
......
"Ed... God... Ed... Ed..."
...
"Houston...
Second payload has been jettisoned
Repeat. Second payload has been jettisoned."
"Damn..."
"Mission accomplished. Good job, Hank."
"Couldna done it withou' ya, Major."
"Houston... we sure could use some cigarettes up here.
Who the hell fergot ta pack the damn cigarettes?
Goddamn gov'rment employees."
"We don' smoke no more, dumbass..."
"Oh. Tha's righ'... Sure do miss it.
Eighty-six tha' last request, Houston."
"Uh... Ed...?"
"Yeah, Hank?"
"How come you get ta be
the 'best fuckin' astronaut in the whole fuckin' universe'
'n I'm justa dumbass school bus driver?"
"Sorry Hank... Guess tha' song in the bar made me think a bein' a astronaut...
Then 'school bus driver' jus' kinda popped inta my head...
Musta been all them busses in tha' parkin' lot.
Couldn' think a nothin' else..."
"Nothin' else came ta mind, huh?"
"Nope."
"Not 'fearless mountain climber'... or 'ski patrol hero'...
or 'drop-dead gorgeous ski instructor'...
or 'gold-medallist downhill skier'...?"
"Nope. Jus' 'school bus driver'. 'Course I picked ya fer the mission 'cause
ya did win a bronze medal in school bus parallel parkin'...
at the Greater Boise Idaho School Bus Olympics."
"Bronze, huh?"
"Yep. 'Course nobody else showed up..."
"Jus' you wait 'til it's my turn..."
"Lookin' forward to it."
"Love ya, dumbass."
"Love you too, dumbass."
"Tha's Major Dumbass."
"Ain't gonna get no argument from me there.
Now... where ya wanna go next, Hank...
Jupiter or Mars?"
"Kinda had my heart set on Pluto."
"Pluto it is then."
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