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Road Trippin' with Ed and Hank (16)
Been there... Done that...
Note: Hank would like to take this opportunity to apologize in advance. He was going to leave a certain part out, but he always tries to stay as true as possible to what actually happened so, after much soul-searching, he left it in. Just remember...
to forgive is divine. (Or least-wise a real nice thing to do anyways...)
Disclaimer: Hank told their story to Annie Proulx. Jack and Ennis are all hers. Ed and Hank belong only to each other. Rating: PG $$: Nope. Comments: Always appreciated.
Everything else is here:
http://myeyesaintblue.livejournal.com/10082.html
Been there... Done that...
"Wha' the hell happened ta you, Ed?"
"Bill 'n Betty happened ta me."
"Bill and Betty?"
"Yep. Bill ambushed me. So's I went runnin' fer my gun.
Keep it loaded in the shed. Just in case 'n all...
But I guess Bill knew 'bout tha' 'cause
when I rounded the corner
Betty were righ' there
waitin' fer me."
"Damn...
They sure gotcha good.
Soaked ya through 'n through...
Ya better change outta them wet clothes..."
"Thanks. I wouldna thought a tha'."
"Jus' tryin' ta be helpful."
"Yeah... 'N yer laughin' now, but...
Ya know they're gonna be waitin' fer you
some day too."
"Well, we sure as hell gave Bill a good soakin' tha' day...
Cain't blame him fer wantin' ta settle the score."
"Now, refresh my memory...
Why the hell'd we buy him 'n Betty
squirt guns too?"
"More the merrier
when yer talkin' squirt guns.
'Sides... cain't tell me ya ain't had fun...
Seein' as yer the one startin' it up
more often 'n not."
"Tha' don' sound like me at all.
Think ya mus' be thinkin' a someone else."
"Mus' be. Hey...
Are Bill 'n Betty still 'round?"
"Nope. Betty were pickin' Bill up ta take him ta lunch
'n ta go 'n get his truck. 'S been in the shop...
I told him he might as well take the
rest a the day off."
"We woulda given him a ride.
Gone ta lunch even..."
"Told him tha' too.
Guess he prefers Betty's company."
"No s'prise there.
Hey... D'ya mind changin' justa l'il slower...?
Maybe I could put some
music on..."
"Ya want me ta keep these wet clothes on longer 'n necessary
'n maybe catch m' death a somethin' jus' so's
you can get yer self all het up
watchin' me strip?"
"Yep."
"Awful sorry ta disappoint ya...
But 'm gonna have ta give ya a raincheck.
I gotta get back ta work... Lotta stuff I gotta do.
'N I wouldn' wanna get ya all riled up
'n jus' leave ya all alone here
achin' fer me..."
"Cain't it wait?
Think 'm kinda achin' already..."
"Go faster if'n ya'd get yer ass
out there 'n help me."
"Been doin' lots a stuff 'round the house
tha' needed doin'."
"I bet."
"'S true. Fixed tha' lock
'n stopped tha' drip 'n replaced tha' torn screen
'n I even did the breakfast dishes."
"I only had a couple a pieces a toast
fer breakfast."
"Yeah... but ya put peanut butter on tha' toast.
Knife were a real mess."
"Licked tha' there knife off.
Always do."
"Tha' makes it even worse.
Works the peanut butter inta all them tiny l'il notches.
Had ta work real hard makin' sure it were clean. Wore me out.
'N now I jus' sat down ta take a break
'n write 'bout our trip."
"Cain't believe yer still doin' tha'."
"Yeah... Me neither.
Never 'xpected ta be writin' so much 'bout it...
Sure do wish we were still travelin'..."
"I don't.
I like bein' home jus' fine.
So's... How far've ya gotten?"
"Comin' up ta Cheyenne...
So's I still got a l'il ways ta go...
But 'm 'fraid..."
"Seems like ya skipped a whole bunch."
"Yeah.
Skipped some at the
beginnin' tha' I'll prob'bly write 'bout later...
'N I had ta skip some stuff 'tween Oregon 'n Cheyenne
on accounta you weren't doin' nothin' much then.
Same kinda problem I've had with ya before.
I cain't jus' bore folks with pictures
a our trip 'n all... Ya gotta
do somethin' too."
"Did you a few times as I recall..."
"Old joke. Used it before. Maybe more 'n once.
You'll have ta do better 'n tha'."
"Sorry... Ain't feelin' too witty ta day."
"Yer lookin' mighty fine though."
"Hey... Remember them painted hills in Oregon?
I liked them. Even though it were
110 degrees in the shade
'n..."
"I know, I know...
'N there weren't no shade."
"Well there weren't.
But it were still real purty."
"Sure was."
"'N I coulda sworn I did somethin' there."
"Don' think so."
"You sure?"
"Yep. Gen'rally remember when ya do somethin'.
'N even though it were real scenic I didn' come 'cross
no interestin' rocks or nothin' neither."
"Well...
d'ya remember tha' one sign?
The one on tha' dam in Idaho? Tha' were kinda funny.
Seein' as the only trees anywhere 'round were
at tha' rest area righ' 'neath
tha' there dam.
"Yeah. I remember.
It were kinda funny. But not all tha' funny.
'N ya know damn well tha' ain't 'xactly
what I meant by interestin'."
"I thought it were funny.
'N as I recall we looked high 'n low 'fore we fin'lly found
one a them there forests they musta
been referrin' to."
"Did take us a while ta fin'lly spot one.
Least-wise it looked like folks were keepin' it real green-like.
Still ain't quite figured out how."
"Shoulda camped there.
It were the only shade 'round fer miles 'n miles.
I like campin' in the mountains better...
'S a whole lot cooler."
"'N I skipped them Sawtooth Mountains in Idaho
on account a the weather bein' bad 'n all.
Couldn' 'xactly see 'em."
"Almos' cleared...
Fer 'bout ten minutes or so.
Kinda saw some a them mountains then..."
"Yeah...
Tha' were purty.
'N a whole lot cooler.
Don' really matter none though...
On accounta you still didn' do nothin'."
"Shoulda gone ta them Uinta Mountains.
Betcha I woulda done somethin'
in them Uintas."
"Been ta the Uintas. Couple a years ago.
Ya didn' do nothin' then neither."
"I didn'?"
"Nope."
"Hey...
How come this were all on me?
As I recall... You didn' do nothin' at none a them
places neither."
"Yeah... But if'n I did somethin'
ya'd jus' accuse me a doin' it so's I had somethin'
ta write 'bout... Like ya done before.
'Sides... it's more interestin'
when yer doin' stuff."
"Think yer jus' lazy...
Leavin' all the doin' somethin' ta me."
"Could be."
"I liked tha'
'Craters a the Moon' place a lot.
'Course it were so damn hot there tha' ya really
couldn' blame a fella fer not doin' nothin'.
All tha' black lava rock soakin'
up the sun 'n all."
"True 'nough."
"'N tha' sunset we saw there were
somethin' else."
"Yeah... It sure was...
But... Shit... Hate ta tell ya this, Ed..."
"Wha'?"
"Don' got no pictures from there."
"Why not?"
"Remember tha' ol' movie... 'The Fly'?"
"Huh...?"
"Seemed kinda like tha' movie...
Copied all our pictures from the laptop onta our regular computer...
Watched 'em transferrin' even... Seemed like they were there 'n everythin'...
All the dates were there 'n all... So's I erased 'em from the laptop...
'N now a lot of 'em are all mixed up 'n a lot of 'em
are jus' plain gone."
"Tha's okay, Hank...
Don' need no pictures anyways...
Had m' eyes open when we were there.
Least-wise most a the time.
Saw it well 'nough..."
"Yeah, but..."
"'N we got a big ol' lava field
not even thirty-some miles east a us."
"Yeah, but tha's jus' piles 'n piles a lava.
Ain't nowheres near as interestin' as tha' Craters place.
'N the last time we was there were before Iris sent us tha' digital camera,
so's the only picture I have a tha' lava field is old 'n kinda discolored...
Does got you in it though... Tha's a plus."
""N there's more lava fifty miles south a us..."
"Gets a l'il worse than tha'..."
"Whaddya mean?"
"Ain't 'xactly sure yet what all was lost.
Most a the rest a the trip pictures seem okay...
But... Cheyenne..."
"Cheyenne...?"
"Started ta tell ya before...
I know how much ya liked all them boots...
Them big ones they had 'round
town 'n all."
"'S okay, Hank.
Saw them boots well 'nough too."
"No it ain't okay.
I got a few pictures of 'em left...
But all the real good ones disappeared.
'N I were gonna get a couple of 'em blown up...
Frame 'em 'n all real nice fer ya...
Damn computer."
"Betcha got some good 'nough ones left."
"Nope. Not tha' good.
One's got part a tha' 'Wrangler' sign cut off...
'n our truck's in it too."
"Don' matter if'n the truck's in it.
Does seem like ya shoulda moved ta the right a l'il
'n backed up a step or two maybe...
'n poss'bly crouched
down some."
"Had one like tha'... 'S gone."
"Guess them other ones ain't too good neither..."
"No. They ain't.
Sorry, Ed. I had some better ones...
Tha' computer did away with 'em or somethin'...
'N there were at least four other boots too.
Don' got none a those left...
Or any a downtown."
"My fav'rite boot had tha' stupid rope 'round it anyways...
Ya couldna got no good picture no how
wha' with tha' there."
"Yeah. Tha' were real irritatin'.
There mus' be some purty dumb vandals
in tha' there state if'n tha's all it takes ta stop 'em."
"How 'bout pictures a tha' statue...?
Ya got any a them left?"
"Think I got a few..."
"Ya got any from the front by any chance?"
"Think them are gone."
"Ya sure ya took any from the front?"
"Yeah, I took some from the front.
Wait a sec... Lemme look again... They're all mixed up...
Here... Looks like I got one anyways."
"Ya didn' drop tha' computer
like ya dropped tha' camera... didya?"
"No. I didn' drop the damn computer."
"Not even once?"
"Not even once, dumbass."
"Just askin'...
Ya kinda drop stuff a lot, Hank."
"Drop one camera 'n ya never hear the end a it."
"Twice.
Ya dropped the one camera twice."
"But I didn' drop the damn computer."
"Okay... if'n ya say so."
"Dammit, Ed..."
"'S jus' too easy ta get yer goat, Hank...
Should make a fella work fer it
a l'il more."
"Wha' the hell did my goat
ever do ta you tha' ya'd wanna get it?"
"Ya know damn well gettin' yer goat's
one a my fav'rite hobbies."
"Think you should jus' leave
my goat alone."
"Okay... Okay...
'M slowly backin' 'way from yer goat."
"Tha's better."
"'S okay though, Hank.
Them pictures don' matter none. 'Sides...
'M jus' glad ya talked me inta goin' inta Cheyenne
so's we saw them boots at all.
I didn' wanna go
at first."
"Yeah. 'M glad we stopped too.
Didn' even know them boots were there.
Jus' wanted ta see if'n the place
had changed much."
"Looked a l'il better...
But still kinda frayed 'round the edges.
Prefer it tha' way ta bein'
too spiffed up."
"Yeah. Me too."
"Maybe we can go back through there again
next year or somethin'... Stop 'n see if'n them boots are still 'round.
We could go back ta them Sawtooth Mountains 'n maybe
back ta tha' Craters a the Moon place too.
'N points in between..."
"Tha's an awful lot a travelin' yer suggestin'
fer a guy who's so glad
ta be home."
"Don' get me wrong...
'M real glad ta be home... Real glad...
'N I think maybe the finest sight I seen this summer were
drivin' up ta tha' ol' gateway to our ranch
with tha' sun settin' behind it."
"Tha' sure were somethin' alrigh'."
"Yeah... Don' got the words fer it...
Jus'... Comin' home...
Bein' home..."
"Know whatcha mean, Ed.
No matter where ya go 'n whatcha see...
there just ain't no place else
quite like home."
"Yeah...
Tha's fer damn sure. But...
Travelin' weren't as bad as I thought it'd be.
Liked a whole lot a it. Not all a it. But a whole lot a it.
Maybe we could still go somewheres...
but jus' not go fer so long
at once next time?"
"Yeah. Think maybe we were gone fer a l'il too long.
Got the feelin' Edthedog 'n Hankthedog
were a migh' ticked off at us."
"Ya think?
Greeted us like the second comin' a Jesus
'n then spent the next two days
glarin' at us."
"Think them looks were more reproachful-like
than actual glarin'."
"Well... We either gotta take 'em with us next time
or go fer less time. Or both.
I say both."
"Migh' work. Migh' not though...
Dependin' on where we're goin' 'n all...
'N some places it'd be real hard
ta take them dogs to."
"Shit...
I ain't ready ta hear 'bout wherever it is
ya got in mind."
"Don' got nothin' in mind."
"Yeah... Right."
"Hey... Whaddya doin' Ed...?"
"Nothin'."
"Don' feel like nothin'... Jeez... Ed..."
"'S nothin'...
Believe me... You'll know when it's somethin'.
Turn a l'il more this way, Hank...
Yeah... like tha'..."
"...Ain't polite...... ta start...... nothin'...... ya don'......
......plan on...... finishin'......."
"I plan on finishin' alrigh'."
"So's... Ya ain't goin' back out ta work?"
"Nope. Least-wise not 'til 'm done
doin' nothin' here."
"Hold on... I gotta do somethin'."
"Wha'?"
"Jus' take a sec... Here..."
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=svJCgYE3PSA
"You are such a dumbass sometimes."
"Yer point bein'?"
"You gonna be brave 'nough
ta include tha' in whatcha write 'bout us?"
"Prob'bly."
"'Fraid ya can only push folks so far 'fore they stop readin'...
'N tha' jus' might be goin' tha' far.
Maybe farther."
"Sure as hell hope not.
Now c'mon dumbass, let's rub our sticks 'n stones ta gether
'n make some a them sparks ignite."
"Well... when ya sweet talk me like tha'...
How could I poss'bly
refuse?"
"Gonna find my baby, gonna hold him tight
Gonna grab some afternoon delight.
My motto's always been when it's right, it's right.
Why wait until the middle of a cold dark night?
When everythin's a little clearer in the light of day.
And we know the night is always
gonna be here any way.
Thinkin' of you's
workin' up my appetite
lookin' forward to a l'il afternoon delight.
Rubbin' sticks 'n stones together
makes the sparks ignite
And the thought of rubbin' you
is getting so excitin'.
Sky rockets in flight. Afternoon delight.
Aaafternoon delight. Aaafternoon delight.
Started out this morning feelin' so polite
I always thought a fish could not be caught who didn't bite
But you've got some bait a waitin' and I think I might try nibblin'
a little afternoon delight.
Sky rockets in flight. Afternoon delight.
Aaafternoon delight. Aaafternoon delight.
Please be waitin' fer me baby when I come around.
We could make a lot of lovin' 'fore the sun gone down.
Thinkin' of you's
workin' up my appetite
lookin' forward to a l'il afternoon delight.
Rubbin' sticks 'n stones together
makes the sparks ignite
And the thought of rubbin' you
is getting so excitin'.
Sky rockets in flight. Afternoon delight.
Aaafternoon delight. Aaafternoon delight.
Aaaafternoon delight.
Aaaaaaaaaaafternoon delight!"
"You 'bout done?"
"Yep."
"How the hell you know the words ta
all them stupid songs
anyways?"
"Told ya before...
Ya jus' never listen ta me...
Spent a whole lotta time alone, dumbass.
Waitin' on you. Choices were TV with my folks...
Goin' ta movies 'n gettin' drunk in town
or listenin' ta the radio."
"Think ya scared the dogs.
As if they ain't been through 'nough in their lives..."
"Didn' scare 'em...
Edthedog always howls like tha'."
"Does not. Hell...
Neighbors prob'bly called
the SPCA."
"Nearest neighbor's a couple a miles a way."
"Tha's wha' I mean...
Nearest neighbor's only a couple a miles away."
"Weren't tha' bad."
"If'n Edthedog could talk I think
he'd disagree."
"Guess he does look a l'il put out, don' he?"
"Yep. 'N tha's definitely more of a glare."
"Bet Hankthedog ain't put out though.
Hey... Where is he?"
"He lit outta here like his tail were on fire...
right after ya started."
"Traitor."
"Hell...
Yer lucky I didn' go with him...
Cain't say as the thought didn' occur ta me."
"Bet it'd take more 'n tha' ta put ya off me."
"Yeah... But not much more.
C'mere, dumbass."
Later...
"Hey, Ed... You asleep?"
"Kinda."
"Ya know tha's the second or third time this summer
tha' ya've called it our ranch."
"Huh?"
"A l'il earlier... Ya called it our ranch.
You used to call it the ranch.
But never our ranch."
"Ya sure 'bout tha'?"
"Yep.
Been keepin' track.
'N it only took ya twenty-some years
ta come 'round."
"Give or take a few days."
"Yeah. Give or take a few days."
"'N purty soon...
seein' as ya don' wanna work no more...
think 'm gonna start callin' it
my ranch."
"Tha's jus fine by me.
Wouldn' be no ranch anyways
but fer you."
"Ain't true, Hank."
"Sure as hell is true.
'N I think we should re-hang the name.
Mus' be a year or more since tha' sign fell down.
'N this time 'round I want our names
under tha' ranch name.
Both our names."
"Knew it."
"Knew wha'?"
"Tha' someday you'd be puttin' up a damn billboard...
Advertisin' us ta the whole damn world.
Guess tha' day's fin'lly come.
Shit..."
"Yep. Took twenty-some years though.
Give or take a few days. So's... d'ya think there's
anybody in this here room tha' might
object ta tha'?
"I dunno...
Edthedog looks a l'il put out..."
"He does, don't he?"
"But I bet tha's still from yer 'singin' before.
'N I use the word 'singin'' loosely."
"Think I been insulted."
"'N Hankthedog never came back.
L'il worried tha' ya may have scarred him fer life."
"Now I know I been insulted."
"So's... I guess the answer is 'no'...
I don' think there's no one in this here room tha' might
object ta a sign with both our names on it...
So's long as they ain't writ too big...."
"Uh...
I really hate ta bring this up... but...
Ya know... tha' sign migh' get shot up or somethin'...
Jus' like tha' one did a long time ago...
'Specially if'n our names
are up there now."
"Yeah, I know. 'N if'n it does... I guess we'll jus' fix it
'n put it righ' back up again. Okay?"
"Okay."
"Okay then."
"Love ya, Ed."
"Love you too, Hank."
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