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Ed and Hank
A note about 'Ed and Hank'...
Note: Or what started out as a note anyway. Disclaimer: Hank told their story to Annie Proulx. Jack and Ennis are all hers. Ed and Hank belong only to each other.
Everything else is here:
http://myeyesaintblue.livejournal.com/10082.html
A note about 'Ed and Hank'...
Hank just wanted to let everyone who's been reading know that he needs to take a break from writing down everything Ed says for a little while. (He will, however, digitally record everything Ed says for possible later use.)
"You got a warrant fer tha', dumbass...?"
"We're livin' in the new 'n improved United States of America... I don' need no warrant..."
"Shit."
"'Sides... tha' recorder jus' might help us settle some future arguments..."
"'N what exactly would be the fun in tha'?"
"See yer point."
Hank does want to finish writing about their road trip, etc, and is actually hoping that by posting this it will mean that it won't be that long of a break, 'cause every other time he's said something of the sort, he has proven himself wrong. So... Hank hopes he'll be eating a big ol' piece of humble pie because he ends up posting sooner than expected.
"Did you say somethin' 'bout pie, Hank...?"
"Yeah, Ed... Think there's some pie left... How 'bout we go get ourselves a couple a pieces...?"
As always, thanks for reading and Hank hopes they'll be back so soon that you'll all be saying to yourselves, 'Why the hell did tha' dumbass post tha' post sayin' he weren't gonna post fer a while anyways?'
"Well...? Are ya comin' or not...?"
"Be righ' there, Ed..."
Once again, if all of that makes sense to you, you've probably been reading too much Ed and Hank anyway.
"Think I'll have a nice slice a cheddar cheese on mine..."
"Now why wouldya wanna ruin a good piece a pie like tha'...?"
"So's... You really ain't gonna write 'bout us fer a while...?"
"I dunno... Jus' think I need a l'il break..."
"This got anythin' ta do with tha' fella who was Ennis dyin'...?"
"Maybe... Yeah... Cain't put it inta words too good... 'S kinda confusin' 'n all... 'N it's jus' real hard ta think 'bout pickin' up righ' where I left off righ' now..."
"Guess it's got ya stuck in one a yer moods, huh...?"
"Don' know whatcher talkin' 'bout..."
"Righ'. Ya don' got no trouble tellin' folks 'bout how much I bitch 'n moan..."
"Tha's 'cause yer bitchin' 'n moanin' is funny. Least-wise it is ta me."
"Thanks a lot."
"Yer welcome. 'Sides... I tell folks stuff 'bout me too... I tell 'em I'm lazy... all the time..."
"Tha' don' count. Hell... Sometimes I think ya take pride in it..."
"Gotta admit... I do kinda consider it a art form."
"Well ya sure got a natural talent fer it... But ya ain't never mentioned how moody 'n grumpy you can get some a the time..."
"Wouldn' be nothin' much ta write 'bout anyways... 'M jus' like everybody else in this here world... sometimes I get sad... fer good reason this week... 'n sometimes 'm lazy 'n moody 'n grumpy 'n..."
"'N Dopey. Don' ferget 'Dopey', dumbass..."
"Anythin' else ya wanna add, Snow White...?"
"Well... Ya sure ain't Bashful, Prince Charmin'."
"Betcha cain't name all seven a them dwarfs, Ed..."
"Whaddya wanna bet...?"
"Winner's choice next time we have at it..."
"'S a deal. 'N wha' you don' know is that I took Iris ta tha' movie when she were l'il..."
"Then you should be able ta name them dwarfs no problem..."
"Lessee... There's Dopey 'n Grumpy... 'n Sleepy... 'n Bashful... 'n Happy... How many is tha'?"
"Five. Ya gotta get two more..."
"Dopey 'n Grumpy 'n Sleepy... 'n Happy 'n Bashful 'n... Shit..."
"Ya give up...?"
"Doc. There's Doc too."
"Still one more..."
"How long do I got...?"
"Time's up."
"That ain't no fair... Ya gotta give me more time."
"Okay. Ya got 'til midnight... But no tryin' ta use the computer... 'n no callin' Iris."
"Fine."
"Or Bill."
"Shit."
Later...
"Wimpy?"
"Tha's Popeye's friend."
"Lumpy?"
"Think yer thinkin' a 'Leave it ta Beaver'."
Jumpy?"
"Nope."
"Frumpy?"
"Give it up, Ed."
"Spanky?"
"He were one a them 'L'il Rascals'."
"Cranky?"
"I sure as hell am."
And later yet...
"zzzzZZZZ...."
"Sneezy!"
"Mmmph... Huh...? Wha' the hell...?"
"Sneezy... The seventh dwarf is Sneezy..."
"Ya woke me up outta a sound sleep fer tha'...?"
"Yep."
"YAWN... 'S too late anyways, dumbass... 'S twelve-fifteen..."
"Shit."
"Guess I win, then..."
"'Course... there ain't really no loser with tha' kinda bet... Uh... So's... Hank...?"
"Yeah...?"
"You still grumpy?"
"Whadda you think...? Ya jus' woke me up, dumbass."
"How 'bout sleepy... You real sleepy?"
"You jus' namin' dwarfs again fer the hell of it...? Or are ya anglin' fer me ta collect on tha' there bet righ' now...?"
"Maybe..."
"Maybe wha'...? Dwarf-namin' or havin' at it...?"
"Second part a watcha said..."
"Would tha' make ya happy, Ed...?"
"Yeah... Happy... 'n gen'rally kinda dopey afterwards... 'n maybe even a l'il bashful ev'ry now 'n again... dependin' on the circumstances 'n all..."
"Forty-odd years ta gether 'n ya still get bashful sometimes... Love that about ya, dumbass."
"So's does tha' mean ya wanna...?"
"Yeah, I wanna... C'mere, Ed..."
"Hey... Aintcha gonna put no music on...?"
"I weren't gonna... But if'n ya like I could get up 'n look fer tha' 'Whistle While Ya Work' song on YouTube... You know... from tha' movie..."
"It's work fer ya now, huh...?"
"Nope... But it's gonna be work fer you..."
"It is, huh...?"
"Yep. So's ya might as well start whistlin'... You know how ta whistle, dontcha Ed...? Ya jus' put yer lips ta gether... 'n blow..."
"Think tha's from an entirely diff'rent movie."
"Sure is."
"You sayin' I don' know how ta... uh... whistle... good?"
"I didn' say tha'... 'N I think yer damn good at it... But... ya know wha' they say... Practice makes perfect..."
"C'mere, dumbass..."
Later...
"Mirror, mirror on the wall... who's the luckiest dumbass of 'em all...?"
"I am."
"Nope. Wrong answer. I am."
"Tha's what I said, dumbass... I am."
"Love ya, Prince Charmin'..."
"Love you too, Snow White..."
A minute later...
"Bet I can name all eight a them reindeer..."
"Go ta sleep, Ed..."
The next morning...
"Hey... Hank...?!?"
"Yeah...?"
"Me 'n Bill are takin' a break... Ya wan' some coffee...?"
"Sure... Be righ' down... Jus' finishin' up this here note... It got a lot longer than I expected..."
P.S. Then again... Maybe writing about Ed is just what the doctor ordered... But, either way, Hank'll keep ya'll posted. (Note to self: look up recipe for humble pie.)
"C'mon, Hank... Bill's gonna try 'n name all them dwarfs..."
"Hold yer horses, Ed... 'M comin'..."
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