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Ed and Hank
Now playin'...
Note: Apologies to anyone waiting for the road trip continuation. This still ain't it.
Disclaimer: Hank told their story to Annie Proulx. Jack and Ennis are all hers. Ed and Hank belong only to each other. Rating: G $$: Nope.
Everything else is here:
http://myeyesaintblue.livejournal.com/10082.html
Now playin'...
"Hey, Hank...?"
"Yeah...?"
"Bill called 'n said he 'n Betty are goin' to tha' Batman movie tonigh'... 'n he were wonderin' if'n we wanted ta go with 'em... 'n I told him we couldn' make it 'cause I didn' think ya wanted ta see it... but if'n ya do wanna go... lemme know 'n I'll call Bill back 'n tell him we'll go..."
"Thanks, Ed... 'N yeah... I jus' don't think I can go see tha' movie... not right now anyways... I know Heath Ledger's s'posed ta be real good in it... but... 's all jus' so damn sad ta me yet... Don't let me stop you from goin' though... if'n you wanna go with Bill 'n Betty... you go right ahead..."
"Nah... I don't need ta go... How 'bout we jus' watch a movie here instead...?"
"Sounds good ta me. I kinda feel like watchin' a real stupid comedy..."
"There's a surprise."
"So's... 'How'd you like ta earn $14 the hard way'?"
"'Caddyshack'...? C'mon, Hank... Tell me yer kiddin'...?"
"Wha'...? Too low-brow fer a refined gentleman-cowboy such as yer self...?"
"Belch... Yep."
"Think yer funny, dontcha?"
"Yep. But I still don't wanna watch 'Caddyshack'."
"How 'bout one a them Monty Python movies...? 'The Holy Grail' maybe...?"
"No thanks. Last thing I need is you fartin' in my gen'ral direction all night."
"How 'bout 'The Life of Brian' then...?"
"Nah... Tha' one's jus' bound ta get ya rantin' 'bout bible thumpers."
"No it won't... 'Some things in life are bad... They can really make you mad... Other things jus' make you swear and curse... When yer chewin' on life's gristle don't grumble, give a whistle... 'n this'll help things turn out fer the best... always look on the bright side a life... always look on the light side of life... If life seems jolly rotten there's somethin' you've forgotten... 'n tha's ta laugh 'n smile 'n dance 'n sing... when yer feelin' in the dumps don't be silly chumps... jus' purse yer lips 'n whistle... tha's the thing... Fer life is quite absurd 'n death's the final word... You must always face the curtain with a bow... Forget about yer sin... give the audience a grin'..."
"And it gets ya singin'... Tha's reason enough not ta watch it righ' there..."
"Okay, okay... I'll stop."
"'N weren't they singin' tha' while they were hangin' on them crosses...?"
"Tha's wha' makes it so funny, dumbass."
"If'n you say so."
"How 'bout 'Dr. Strangelove'...? 'You cain't fight in here... this is the war room!'"
"Nah... Tha's too much like a documentary these days... 'Sides... it'll jus' get ya rantin' 'bout the gover'ment."
"True 'nough. How 'bout 'Airplane!' then...? Surely ya wouldn' mind watchin' 'Airplane!'...?"
"Nah... I don't think I'm in the mood fer that one neither, Hank."
"Fine... Be that way. But surely yer fergettin' somethin'...?"
"Don't think so."
"Surely you can find it somewheres in yer big ol' humorless heart ta humor me...?"
"'N stop callin' me Shirley."
"Close enough."
"Ya know... I don't think I woulda pined fer ya near so much after tha' first summer if'n I'd a knowed wha' kinda dumbass movies 'n music you liked..."
"So's... if'n yer such a connoisseur a fine films... how 'bout you pick a movie then...?"
"Ya know damn well I'd jus' pick a western."
"Okay. A western it is... How 'bout 'Johnny Guitar'...?"
"Shit."
"C'mon, Ed... 'Johnny Guitar' is a classic..."
"You said you wanted a comedy... That ain't no comedy."
"Sure it is... unintended maybe... but it's damn funny... some a the time anyways... 'n it's entertainin' as hell... 'n it's a western... 'n a soap opera... 'n it's got Mercedes McCambridge squarin' off against Joan Crawford... "I'm gonna kill you." "I know. If I don't kill you first"... 'n it's a slam at black-listin' 'n namin' names too... 'n it's even got Ernest Borgnine in it... Hell... Wha' more could ya want in a movie...?"
"Wouldn' mind a l'il less."
"'There's only two things in this world that a real man needs... a cup of coffee and a good smoke.'"
"Ya know tha' don't make no sense."
"It sure don't."
"Now if'n he had said 'a cup of coffee 'n a nice piece a pie 'n a good smoke'... that woulda made some sense... 'Course I guess I should leave out the smokin'... seein' as we quit... Damn... I sure do miss it though..."
"Tha's all ya need, huh...? Pie 'n coffee...?"
"'N a good horse. A real man needs a real good horse..."
"'N that's it...?"
"'N a dog. A real man's gotta have a dog. Or two. Where are them dumbass dogs anyways...?"
"Where d'ya think they are...?"
"Soakin' in their wadin' pool or sleepin' on the porch...?"
"Yep. Either one or the other. So's... Anythin' else come ta mind...?"
"A real good pair a boots is awful hard ta do withou'... 'n a real nice cowboy hat... Not one a them cheap straw ones..."
"And...?"
"I guess jeans 'n a shirt too... but them prob'bly go withou' sayin'..."
"Not really... I were picturin' you dressed just in boots 'n a cowboy hat..."
"Ya'd like that, huh...?"
"Well it'd sure as hell make me laugh anyways."
"Thanks a lot."
"So's tha's it...? Nothin' else...?"
"Lessee... coffee 'n pie 'n a horse 'n boots 'n hat 'n clothes... Yep... Tha' should do. Oh... almost fergot... A real man needs a real nice saddle too 'n a good pair a work gloves..."
"You cain't think a anythin' else ya migh' need...?"
"Yer not gonna stop 'til I say it... are ya...?"
"Prob'bly not."
"'N a real man needs a real dumbass around ta watch real dumb movies with... How 'bout tha'...? Will tha' do...?"
"Just ta watch real dumb movies with, huh...?"
"'N maybe fer a few other things too..."
"Like what exactly...?"
"If'n yer lucky I'll show ya what exactly later on... 'So's ya gotta ask yer self one question: Do I feel lucky? Well, do ya, punk?'"
"Yep. I feel damn lucky. Now... let's fix us some dinner 'n then watch us some 'Johnny Guitar'..."
"C'mon, Hank... how 'bout a Clint Eastwood movie instead...?"
"Well... Guess we could watch 'Paint Your Wagon'... There ain't nothin' quite like Clint Eastwood singin'..."
"I know ya jus' bought tha' movie ta use it as a threat."
"I don't got no idea wha' yer talkin' 'bout."
"Like hell ya don't. 'N it ain't gonna work... So's I'm callin' yer bluff... Let's watch 'Paint Your Wagon'..."
"Sounds good ta me... 'Course... with a musical like that I'm gonna be compelled ta sing along... Lessee... I don't remember all the songs... but I'm sure they'll start ta come back ta me righ' quick... think it starts out with... 'Where am I goin'...? I don't know... Where am I headin'...? I ain't certain... Alls I know is I am on my way'..."
"Shit."
"But what I'm really lookin' forward to is my duets with Clint... I seem ta recall him singin' ta some trees tha' won't give him the time a day... 'n another song about 'married men 'n single men 'n some who ain't so certain'... 'n somethin' 'bout 'what can stop their itchin' not bein' found around no kitchen'..."
"Okay... Okay... Stop already... 'Johnny Guitar' it is."
"If'n you insist."
Later that night...
"Jeez... 'N that... A real man definitely needs tha' too..."
"Damn, Ed... Yer nothin' but a railroad tramp... 'n a damn fine one at tha'..."
"Yep. Me 'n Joan Crawford. So's... You got my $14.00?"
"Guess ya earned it..."
"Yep. The hard way."
"You can say that again... Throw me my jeans..."
"Here..."
"Lemme see... Alls I got is a twenty... You got change...?"
"Nope."
"How 'bout I jus' give ya the twenty... 'n you promise ta make up the $6.00 tomorrow...?"
"No tip, huh...?"
"Thought it was included."
"Why the hell would it be included?"
"Tha's wha' they do in Europe."
"Hate ta break it to ya, dumbass... but this ain't Europe."
"Okay... How 'bout I jus' give ya the twenty... 'n you promise ta make up the... lessee... $1.40 from $6.00... the $4.60 tomorrow..."
"Ten percent, huh...? I thought I was s'posed ta be the cheap one... Hell... You tip Mryna like that 'n you'd sure as hell hear about it the next time ya ate there..."
"Okay... Make it fifteen... Fer tha' last part... Ya put a lotta effort inta tha'..."
"Big spender."
"Fine... Twenty percent. 'N tha's as high as 'm goin'... You can make up the... hold on... give me a second... the $3.20 tomorrow..."
"$3.20, huh...?"
"Yep."
"Think I should be able ta take care a tha' righ' now..."
"Whaddya got in... mmmph..."
...
......
"So's... will that about cover it fer ya...?"
"Jeez, Ed... I think maybe I'm back ta owin' you now..."
"'S okay... I know yer good fer it."
"Damn right I am."
"Ya know... it turns out there's somethin' else a real man needs..."
"Wha's tha'...?"
"A real man needs pancakes."
"He does, huh...?"
"Yep. With syrup. Lotsa syrup. So's... whaddaya say we spend some a my hard-earned money on some pancakes tomorrow mornin'...? "
"Mentionin' Myrna made ya think a pancakes, huh...?"
"Yep."
"Sounds real good ta me."
"It's a date then. Now... Couldya turn out tha' light...? I wanna get some sleep..."
"Yeah... I got it..."
"G'nigh', Hank... Love yer dumb-movie-lovin' ass..."
"G' nigh', Ed... Love yer Clint-Eastwood-lovin' ass too..."
A few minutes later...
"Hey... Did somebody step on a duck...?"
"Jeez, Hank..."
"Wha'...?"
"Cut it out 'n go ta sleep, dumbass..."
"'I don't get no respect'."
---
Now playin'...
Note: Apologies to anyone waiting for the road trip continuation. This still ain't it.
Disclaimer: Hank told their story to Annie Proulx. Jack and Ennis are all hers. Ed and Hank belong only to each other. Rating: G $$: Nope.
Everything else is here:
http://myeyesaintblue.livejournal.com/10082.html
Now playin'...
"Hey, Hank...?"
"Yeah...?"
"Bill called 'n said he 'n Betty are goin' to tha' Batman movie tonigh'... 'n he were wonderin' if'n we wanted ta go with 'em... 'n I told him we couldn' make it 'cause I didn' think ya wanted ta see it... but if'n ya do wanna go... lemme know 'n I'll call Bill back 'n tell him we'll go..."
"Thanks, Ed... 'N yeah... I jus' don't think I can go see tha' movie... not right now anyways... I know Heath Ledger's s'posed ta be real good in it... but... 's all jus' so damn sad ta me yet... Don't let me stop you from goin' though... if'n you wanna go with Bill 'n Betty... you go right ahead..."
"Nah... I don't need ta go... How 'bout we jus' watch a movie here instead...?"
"Sounds good ta me. I kinda feel like watchin' a real stupid comedy..."
"There's a surprise."
"So's... 'How'd you like ta earn $14 the hard way'?"
"'Caddyshack'...? C'mon, Hank... Tell me yer kiddin'...?"
"Wha'...? Too low-brow fer a refined gentleman-cowboy such as yer self...?"
"Belch... Yep."
"Think yer funny, dontcha?"
"Yep. But I still don't wanna watch 'Caddyshack'."
"How 'bout one a them Monty Python movies...? 'The Holy Grail' maybe...?"
"No thanks. Last thing I need is you fartin' in my gen'ral direction all night."
"How 'bout 'The Life of Brian' then...?"
"Nah... Tha' one's jus' bound ta get ya rantin' 'bout bible thumpers."
"No it won't... 'Some things in life are bad... They can really make you mad... Other things jus' make you swear and curse... When yer chewin' on life's gristle don't grumble, give a whistle... 'n this'll help things turn out fer the best... always look on the bright side a life... always look on the light side of life... If life seems jolly rotten there's somethin' you've forgotten... 'n tha's ta laugh 'n smile 'n dance 'n sing... when yer feelin' in the dumps don't be silly chumps... jus' purse yer lips 'n whistle... tha's the thing... Fer life is quite absurd 'n death's the final word... You must always face the curtain with a bow... Forget about yer sin... give the audience a grin'..."
"And it gets ya singin'... Tha's reason enough not ta watch it righ' there..."
"Okay, okay... I'll stop."
"'N weren't they singin' tha' while they were hangin' on them crosses...?"
"Tha's wha' makes it so funny, dumbass."
"If'n you say so."
"How 'bout 'Dr. Strangelove'...? 'You cain't fight in here... this is the war room!'"
"Nah... Tha's too much like a documentary these days... 'Sides... it'll jus' get ya rantin' 'bout the gover'ment."
"True 'nough. How 'bout 'Airplane!' then...? Surely ya wouldn' mind watchin' 'Airplane!'...?"
"Nah... I don't think I'm in the mood fer that one neither, Hank."
"Fine... Be that way. But surely yer fergettin' somethin'...?"
"Don't think so."
"Surely you can find it somewheres in yer big ol' humorless heart ta humor me...?"
"'N stop callin' me Shirley."
"Close enough."
"Ya know... I don't think I woulda pined fer ya near so much after tha' first summer if'n I'd a knowed wha' kinda dumbass movies 'n music you liked..."
"So's... if'n yer such a connoisseur a fine films... how 'bout you pick a movie then...?"
"Ya know damn well I'd jus' pick a western."
"Okay. A western it is... How 'bout 'Johnny Guitar'...?"
"Shit."
"C'mon, Ed... 'Johnny Guitar' is a classic..."
"You said you wanted a comedy... That ain't no comedy."
"Sure it is... unintended maybe... but it's damn funny... some a the time anyways... 'n it's entertainin' as hell... 'n it's a western... 'n a soap opera... 'n it's got Mercedes McCambridge squarin' off against Joan Crawford... "I'm gonna kill you." "I know. If I don't kill you first"... 'n it's a slam at black-listin' 'n namin' names too... 'n it's even got Ernest Borgnine in it... Hell... Wha' more could ya want in a movie...?"
"Wouldn' mind a l'il less."
"'There's only two things in this world that a real man needs... a cup of coffee and a good smoke.'"
"Ya know tha' don't make no sense."
"It sure don't."
"Now if'n he had said 'a cup of coffee 'n a nice piece a pie 'n a good smoke'... that woulda made some sense... 'Course I guess I should leave out the smokin'... seein' as we quit... Damn... I sure do miss it though..."
"Tha's all ya need, huh...? Pie 'n coffee...?"
"'N a good horse. A real man needs a real good horse..."
"'N that's it...?"
"'N a dog. A real man's gotta have a dog. Or two. Where are them dumbass dogs anyways...?"
"Where d'ya think they are...?"
"Soakin' in their wadin' pool or sleepin' on the porch...?"
"Yep. Either one or the other. So's... Anythin' else come ta mind...?"
"A real good pair a boots is awful hard ta do withou'... 'n a real nice cowboy hat... Not one a them cheap straw ones..."
"And...?"
"I guess jeans 'n a shirt too... but them prob'bly go withou' sayin'..."
"Not really... I were picturin' you dressed just in boots 'n a cowboy hat..."
"Ya'd like that, huh...?"
"Well it'd sure as hell make me laugh anyways."
"Thanks a lot."
"So's tha's it...? Nothin' else...?"
"Lessee... coffee 'n pie 'n a horse 'n boots 'n hat 'n clothes... Yep... Tha' should do. Oh... almost fergot... A real man needs a real nice saddle too 'n a good pair a work gloves..."
"You cain't think a anythin' else ya migh' need...?"
"Yer not gonna stop 'til I say it... are ya...?"
"Prob'bly not."
"'N a real man needs a real dumbass around ta watch real dumb movies with... How 'bout tha'...? Will tha' do...?"
"Just ta watch real dumb movies with, huh...?"
"'N maybe fer a few other things too..."
"Like what exactly...?"
"If'n yer lucky I'll show ya what exactly later on... 'So's ya gotta ask yer self one question: Do I feel lucky? Well, do ya, punk?'"
"Yep. I feel damn lucky. Now... let's fix us some dinner 'n then watch us some 'Johnny Guitar'..."
"C'mon, Hank... how 'bout a Clint Eastwood movie instead...?"
"Well... Guess we could watch 'Paint Your Wagon'... There ain't nothin' quite like Clint Eastwood singin'..."
"I know ya jus' bought tha' movie ta use it as a threat."
"I don't got no idea wha' yer talkin' 'bout."
"Like hell ya don't. 'N it ain't gonna work... So's I'm callin' yer bluff... Let's watch 'Paint Your Wagon'..."
"Sounds good ta me... 'Course... with a musical like that I'm gonna be compelled ta sing along... Lessee... I don't remember all the songs... but I'm sure they'll start ta come back ta me righ' quick... think it starts out with... 'Where am I goin'...? I don't know... Where am I headin'...? I ain't certain... Alls I know is I am on my way'..."
"Shit."
"But what I'm really lookin' forward to is my duets with Clint... I seem ta recall him singin' ta some trees tha' won't give him the time a day... 'n another song about 'married men 'n single men 'n some who ain't so certain'... 'n somethin' 'bout 'what can stop their itchin' not bein' found around no kitchen'..."
"Okay... Okay... Stop already... 'Johnny Guitar' it is."
"If'n you insist."
Later that night...
"Jeez... 'N that... A real man definitely needs tha' too..."
"Damn, Ed... Yer nothin' but a railroad tramp... 'n a damn fine one at tha'..."
"Yep. Me 'n Joan Crawford. So's... You got my $14.00?"
"Guess ya earned it..."
"Yep. The hard way."
"You can say that again... Throw me my jeans..."
"Here..."
"Lemme see... Alls I got is a twenty... You got change...?"
"Nope."
"How 'bout I jus' give ya the twenty... 'n you promise ta make up the $6.00 tomorrow...?"
"No tip, huh...?"
"Thought it was included."
"Why the hell would it be included?"
"Tha's wha' they do in Europe."
"Hate ta break it to ya, dumbass... but this ain't Europe."
"Okay... How 'bout I jus' give ya the twenty... 'n you promise ta make up the... lessee... $1.40 from $6.00... the $4.60 tomorrow..."
"Ten percent, huh...? I thought I was s'posed ta be the cheap one... Hell... You tip Mryna like that 'n you'd sure as hell hear about it the next time ya ate there..."
"Okay... Make it fifteen... Fer tha' last part... Ya put a lotta effort inta tha'..."
"Big spender."
"Fine... Twenty percent. 'N tha's as high as 'm goin'... You can make up the... hold on... give me a second... the $3.20 tomorrow..."
"$3.20, huh...?"
"Yep."
"Think I should be able ta take care a tha' righ' now..."
"Whaddya got in... mmmph..."
...
......
"So's... will that about cover it fer ya...?"
"Jeez, Ed... I think maybe I'm back ta owin' you now..."
"'S okay... I know yer good fer it."
"Damn right I am."
"Ya know... it turns out there's somethin' else a real man needs..."
"Wha's tha'...?"
"A real man needs pancakes."
"He does, huh...?"
"Yep. With syrup. Lotsa syrup. So's... whaddaya say we spend some a my hard-earned money on some pancakes tomorrow mornin'...? "
"Mentionin' Myrna made ya think a pancakes, huh...?"
"Yep."
"Sounds real good ta me."
"It's a date then. Now... Couldya turn out tha' light...? I wanna get some sleep..."
"Yeah... I got it..."
"G'nigh', Hank... Love yer dumb-movie-lovin' ass..."
"G' nigh', Ed... Love yer Clint-Eastwood-lovin' ass too..."
A few minutes later...
"Hey... Did somebody step on a duck...?"
"Jeez, Hank..."
"Wha'...?"
"Cut it out 'n go ta sleep, dumbass..."
"'I don't get no respect'."
---