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Ed and Hank
Last Thursday...
Disclaimer: Hank told their story to Annie Proulx. Jack and Ennis are all hers. Ed and Hank belong only to each other. Rating: G $$: Nope.
Links to all previous posts are here:
http://myeyesaintblue.livejournal.com/10082.html
Last Thursday...
"Do I smell food cookin'...? I'm starvin'..."
"Yep. I thought I'd duck in early 'n get cleaned up 'n get some dinner goin'..."
"Helpin' out and cookin' dinner... Jeez, Hank..."
"I know, I know... Ya must be dreamin'... 'N I'd be more than happy ta pinch tha' fine ass a yers if'n ya wanna make sure ya ain't... 'Course if'n ya are then why would ya wanna wake up anyways...?"
"No reason I can think of... Hey... Did you notice anythin' peculiar about Bill...? His hat didn't seem ta be fittin' right when he left..."
"Tha's prob'bly 'cause I talked his ear off today... Don't worry... I'll talk the other one off tomorrow so's his hat'll sit level again..."
"I guess I need me some new material..."
"Yep."
"Or maybe a new pardner... tha' way it'd all be new ta him... 'Course he'd hafta be the lazy, talkative type too or my old material jus' wouldn' work..."
"How 'bout I jus' pretend next time that I ain't ever heard it all before...?"
"Tha' works fer me."
"So's, Ed... how 'bout you go get cleaned up 'n then we can eat 'n then maybe settle in fer the night 'n watch a movie...?"
"Sounds good ta me..."
Later...
"So's... Wha' movie d'ya got in mind, Hank...? I wouldn't mind watchin' a Western..."
"There's a real surprise..."
"Somethin' with Clint Eastwood is always good..."
"Well... the one I got in mind is kinda a Western... but it don't got Clint Eastwood in it..."
"No way, Hank..."
"C'mon, Ed... I watched it once... more than three years ago now... alone in tha' movie theatre... 'n you watched it once on yer own... last year around this time... but we ain't ever watched it together... Dontcha think it's about time we did...?"
"It's just so damn sad, Hank..."
"I know it is... 'N I don't know if I'm ready ta watch it again neither... But... it's been a whole year since Heath Ledger died... 'n I feel like we should do somethin'... Somethin' tha' says we remember him... 'n this is the best thing I can think of... us watchin' this here movie... together..."
"I jus' don't think I can again... not yet anyways... Watchin' it really shook me up... More than I let on at the time... How easy things coulda turned out diff'rent fer us... 'N how maybe tha's how it did turn out fer some other fellas... 'N Ennis... endin' up all alone like tha'... I know how easy tha' coulda been me..."
"I know, Ed... Ya've said all tha' before... But that didn't happen ta us..."
"But... I still coulda ended up all alone like tha'... You woulda reached the end a yer rope sooner or later too... like Jack was reachin' his... before what happened... happened..."
"But that didn't happen either, Ed..."
"I know it didn't happen... But... Hell... with Heath Ledger dyin' 'n all... 'n then watchin' tha' movie fer the first time... it... Jeez... I don't even wanna say it out loud..."
"Well I ain't gonna know unless ya tell me..."
"It... it made me think about one of us havin' ta lose the other someday... fer real... 'N I jus' don't wanna think about tha'... much less talk about it..."
"Well I sure as hell don't wanna think or talk about tha' neither..."
"But... watchin' tha' movie will make me think about it..."
"'S alrigh', Ed... We don't gotta watch it..."
"Ya know, Hank... Heath Ledger... He won't ever be forgotten... Not by us... 'n not by a whole lotta other folks... whether we watch tha' movie again or not..."
"Yeah. I know... Damn... I cain't hardly believe it's been a whole year..."
"'N I think maybe the best way ta remember someone like him... someone who really lived his life full-out... is ta really live yer life... however ya wanna be livin' it... 'N I made the mistake of not doin' tha' fer a whole lotta years... 'N I cain't say it ain't still hard fer me sometimes... But least-wise I came ta my senses before it was too late..."
"I jus' woulda had ta knock some sense inta ya if'n ya hadn't..."
"You think ya coulda, huh...?"
"I woulda given it my best shot anyways... 'Course it prob'bly woulda been more like an ultimatum... somethin' along the lines of 'you either move yer ass here or ya might as well stop showin' up on my doorstep 'cause I ain't gonna be livin' in the house tha's attached ta it no more'..."
"Sounds like maybe you had that ultimatum purty well-rehearsed..."
"I mighta practiced a few diff'rent versions of it way back when... But I'm sure glad I never had ta put any of 'em inta play."
"Yeah. Me too..."
"So's... Since ya don't wanna watch tha' movie whaddya wanna do, Ed...?"
"I dunno... D'ya wanna watch a diff'rent movie...?"
"Nah..."
"Or we could play some checkers maybe...?"
"Nah..."
"Cards...?"
"Nah..."
"Or we could watch some TV..."
"Well... we may be livin' our life how we wanna alrigh'... But it sure is dull as can be sometimes..."
"Speak fer yerself, dumbass... I like our life just fine exactly the way it is... dull or not..."
"C'mon, Ed... get yer jacket..."
"Wha'...? Why...?"
"Jus' get yer jacket... We're goin' out... 'N I don't want no argument from you about it."
"I don't wanna go out."
"Yeah ya do. C'mon..."
"But it's a work night..."
"Ya do realize tha' with you ev'ry night is a work night, dontcha...?"
"But... Where the hell are we goin'...?"
"You'll see soon enough."
"Wait a minute... the rules clearly state that I get ta know where we're goin' before we get there..."
"Wha' rules...? There ain't no rules, dumbass..."
"Well there oughta be."
About thirty minutes later...
"Bowlin'...? Dammit, Hank... I don't wanna go bowlin'..."
"Yeah ya do."
"No. I don't. I ain't been bowlin' since Iris was a l'il girl..."
"'N I ain't been since I was a kid... Jimmy Anderson's 15th birthday party ta be exact... So's it's about time we both went again..."
"But... bowlin'...? Why bowlin'...?"
"Why not bowlin'...? Besides... There ain't exactly a whole lotta other things ta do around this here town... Although I think maybe they light up tha' skateboard park at night... Wouldya rather try skateboardin'...? I'm willin' if'n you are...?"
"Thanks but no thanks."
"Bowlin' it is then..."
"Great... I'm in fer a night a 'blue ball' jokes...
ain't I...?"
"Prob'bly... Ya know my mind's always in the gutter..."
"Groan... Great... This is gonna be just great..."
"It sure is."
the ride home...
"You stink on ice, Ed...
I bet Iris musta beat ya hands down when she was a kid..."
"She did... But least-wise back then folks just thought I was lettin' her win..."
"Ya do realize ya get points fer knockin' them pins over... not fer leavin' 'em standin', dontcha...?"
"Yeah... Iris explained tha' ta me real thorough-like when she was six or seven years old..."
"I gotta admit... Ya do got good form though... Real good... I bet I woulda got a higher score if'n I'd a quit concentratin' so's hard on yer form..."
"'N didya concentrate on Jimmy Anderson's form when ya were bowlin' with him...?"
"Yep... I sure did... Too bad fer me it was one a them unrequited lusts..."
"You ain't ever mentioned him before... Does he still live around these parts...? D'ya ever see him around town...?"
"So's now yer jealous of a fifteen year old boy I knew fifty years ago...?"
"Yep."
"You are such a dumbass sometimes."
"Yep."
"Watch out fer tha' big ol' buck in the road, Ed..."
"I see him alrigh'..."
"'N there's more deer off ta both sides..."
"I see 'em... I see 'em..."
"So's... how 'bout next time we ask Bill 'n Betty ta go with us...?"
"You can go ahead 'n ask 'em ta go with you... but tonight was more than enough bowlin' ta last me another thirty or forty years..."
"Ya know I read a while back where Heath Ledger used ta go 'n play chess in a park in New York with folks he didn't know... even though he weren't a good chess player at all... But he didn't care what anyone thought... He jus' did it because he enjoyed doin' it..."
"Nice try, Hank... But I still ain't goin' bowlin' again..."
"Well I guess I can understand why ya wouldn' wanna go again... Yer prob'bly a whole lot worse at bowlin' than Heath Ledger ever was at playin' chess... Hell... I stank up the place purty good m'self... but I still think I coulda beat ya with one hand tied behind my back..."
"'S bowlin' dumbass... ya only need one hand... 'N I betcha I could beat yer ass ev'ry time with justa l'il more practice..."
"Yer on."
"Dammit, Hank... I weren't makin' a real bet..."
"Ya clearly said 'I betcha'... 'N ya know damn well there ain't no goin' back on bets..."
"Well it don't count 'cause you set me up fer it..."
"Since when does tha' matter...? Ya know damn well tha's half the fun of it..."
"Fun fer who...?"
"How 'bout this... We keep bowlin' 'til ya beat me three times in a row... then we can stop..."
"Three times...? No way... Once... Jus' 'til I beat ya once..."
"No way... Once could be a fluke... It's gotta be at least twice."
"Fine. Twice it is. But it don't gotta be in a row..."
"Fair 'nough. Not in a row... but ya cain't lose more than two games between yer wins or it don't count..."
"Maybe we should get Betty's lawyer ta draw up a contract fer us..."
"Tha' migh' not be a bad idea... In case ya try ta wriggle outta it I got some legal grounds ta stand on..."
"I ain't ever wriggled outta any bet in my life."
"'N ya know... if'n ya end up likin' it after doin' it a few more times we don't gotta stop..."
"Don't worry, I won't end up likin' it..."
"Ya wanna bet...?"
"No. I don't wanna bet, dumbass..."
"Ya know ya've ended up likin' some other stuff I never thought ya would... Like when I..."
"Yeah... Yeah... I know damn well wha' yer gonna say..."
"So's you let me know if'n ya change yer mind..."
"You'll be the first ta know... Besides... it's too damn expensive... Three bucks a game...? A piece...? Shit... Plus shoe rental... 'n snacks... 'cause of course you had ta have somethin' ta eat..."
"Like you didn't eat anythin'...?"
"Well we spent way too much... Two games 'n shoes 'n food... All that added up ta prit near twenty dollars... Maybe a l'il more even..."
"Well... Mr. Benny... I guess that is kinda pricey when ya compare it ta wha' we usually spend on goin' out... which is nothin' 'cause we never go out..."
"'N them shoes... Damn... I sure ain't lookin' forward ta puttin' on them stinky ol' shoes again..."
"Ya muck around in I-don't-wanna-know-what all day 'n ya don't wanna put on a pair a bowlin' shoes...?"
"I don't muck around in boots a million other folks have worn..."
"Lessee... If'n ya take the population of this entire county... 'n eliminate ev'ryone who don't got the same big ol' shoe size you do... 'n then if'n ya cut out them tha' do but don't bowl... Hell... yer prob'bly sharin' them shoes with only a couple a other fellas... at the most... 'n Myrna maybe..."
"Myrna...?"
"Didn't ya ever look at tha' woman's feet...?"
"Why the hell would I look at Myrna's feet...?"
"'S just kinda hard ta miss 'em is all..."
"Shit..."
"Wha'...?"
"Now next time we go 'n get pancakes I'm gonna be starin' at Myrna's feet... 'cause ya know the harder ya try not ta look at somethin' the more ya cain't help starin' at it..."
"Tha's how I knew I mighta stood a chance with ya tha' summer... I caught ya starin' at me a few times... with the same look ya get now when yer lookin' at pancakes... or pie..."
"Maybe I was jus' thinkin' about pancakes... or pie... when you happened ta wander acrost my field a vision..."
"Tha' was prob'bly it."
"So's... Them stinky ol' bowlin' shoes really don't bother you none, Hank...?"
"Nope... Hell... I wish I had a whole truckload of 'em...
I'd drive ta Dubya's new house in Texas 'n pitch ev'ry single one of 'em at him..."
"'N I'll come 'n rescue you
from tha' secret prison he'll build just fer you
in his back yard..."
"I just hope he's the one who's gonna end up in prison..."
"Don't hold yer breath, Hank..."
"I ain't... But I think it's gonna be a gargantuan mistake if'n they don't even try ta put tha' bastard away... 'n Cheney 'n ev'ryone else responsible too... 'Cause if'n we don't hold these folks accountable fer all the despicable things they done there ain't gonna be no real movin' forward fer this country... 'N it'll mean tha' those in power are always gonna be above the law 'cause there clearly ain't no consequences fer breakin' it..."
"Ya know... alls I did was mention stinky bowlin' shoes..."
"Sorry, Ed... 'N don't get me wrong... Watchin' that inauguration was really somethin'... 'N as somber as Obama's speech was 'cause of the huge mess this country is in... it was still real movin' 'n inspirin'... 'Course I thought I was gonna have a big ol' stroke when he thanked Bush fer 'his service ta this nation'... Service'...? Give me a fuckin' break..."
"I do gotta admit... tha' shade a purple yer face turned when he said tha' was like nothin' I'd ever seen... 'N before tha'... when Rick Warren came on... it turned a real stunnin' shade a red... I'd say more of a beet red than a fire engine red..."
"Don't even get me started about Rick Warren... Hell... there was way too much god-talk all around fer my taste... But... it was still an amazin' day... 'n I still got high hopes fer Obama doin' the right things 'n gettin' this country on the right track..."
"Yeah. I do too, Hank... 'N him right away orderin' them prosecutors ta ask ta freeze them trials at Guantanamo 'n talkin' about closin' it as soon as he can 'n sayin' no more torturin' folks.. them sure as hell are some big ol' steps in the righ' direction..."
"They sure are... 'n tha's like... Hell... after all these years of rantin' 'n ravin' 'n writin' letters... I don't even got the words ta say what it feels like ta read them headlines... But..."
"There's always a 'but' with you, ain't there..."
"Yep. 'N the 'but' is in some a the fine print... 'n waitin' ta see how they're gonna work it all out... But... it still is real encouragin'... 'n like one helluva breath a fresh air..."
"Yeah... It sure is..."
"'N I'm tryin' ta have some faith that he'll get around ta doin' right by us gay folks too... I read that Obama used ta be fer full marriage rights fer gay folks back in 1996... So's maybe given a chance... 'n maybe a push from enough of us gay folks 'n all them folks tha' support us... he'll manage ta find his way back to it..."
"Ya know... even if'n he does... 'n there ain't no sayin' he will... he cain't single-handedly change that..."
"I know... But... hopefully he'll be able ta change the make-up of tha' Supreme Court some day... 'n change it enough that it'll make a diff'rence... 'cause tha's where the real change has gotta come from... least-wise fer all of us livin' in the red states anyways..."
"Well... don't go pickin' out yer trousseau just yet..."
"I won't, dumbass... But... Damn..."
"Another 'but'...?"
"Not really... It's just that I still cain't hardly believe Dubya 'n Cheney are really gone..."
"Ya want me ta pinch tha' fine ass a yers so's you can make sure yer not dreamin'...?"
"I'd appreciate that just as soon as you can reach it proper-like..."
"No problem."
"Ya know, Ed... we could jus' buy some bowlin' shoes... Tha' way ya don't gotta worry about sharin' 'em with other folks at all... I'll check out how much they cost 'n figure out how many times we'd hafta go bowlin' ta make it up..."
"Don't go gettin' ahead a yerself, dumbass... I migh' just beat ya two games in a row next time 'n then I don't ever gotta go bowlin' again..."
"Unless ya change yer mind..."
"Like I said before... ten or twelve times already... you'll be the first ta know... But if I were you I wouldn' go holdin' yer breath about tha' neither... Damn... this winter's been real rough on the driveway... I gotta get ta fixin' it..."
"Hey, Ed... how 'bout ya park the truck right up by the house instead a in the shed fer once..."
"Ferget it... Yer just lazy... 'N the truck belongs in the shed..."
"C'mon, Ed... It ain't s'posed ta snow... so's why the hell not...?"
"'Cause it belongs in the shed. 'N somethin' could happen to it if'n we left it outside..."
"Yeah... Maybe a meteor could fall ta earth 'n crush it... or a rabid raccoon could find them keys under the visor 'n make off with it... So's yeah... I can see how it'd be a lot safer in the shed... Of course... a big ol' meteor could hit tha' shed just as easy-like... 'n then we'd lose the shed and the truck at the same time... 'N ya know... I ain't too clear on what's holdin' that shed up as it is... so's even withou' no meteor plummetin' ta earth it could jus' decide ta fall down on tha' truck tonight of its own accord... 'N as to tha' rabid raccoon... well..."
"Fine... In the interest of gettin' you ta shut the hell up I'll park the damn truck next ta the damn house... 'N yeah... I get it... I'm real predictable... 'n I'm dull 'n borin too... 'n..."
"'N cheap. Don't ferget cheap."
"'N cheap... 'N I don't like doin' new stuff... 'n..."
"Wouldya mind holdin' the rest a tha' thought 'til we get inside...?"
"Great... I guess I'm even dull 'n borin' when I'm talkin' about how dull 'n borin' I am..."
"Well them dogs sure don't think yer dull 'n borin'... Lookit 'em... They act like their lord 'n savior has come again ev'ry time ya walk through tha' door..."
"They greet you just as enthusiastic-like..."
"Not quite... 'S more like I'm just one a them apostles taggin' along... C'mon, Ed... Last one up the stairs has gotta bowl with one a them blue balls next time..."
"Maybe I'll just stay down here with the dogs... 'N Iristhecat... They all appreciate me... even if'n I am dull 'n borin' 'n predictable..."
"'N cheap... Don't ferget cheap."
"'N cheap."
"Ya know I'm just gonna go ahead 'n start withou' ya up here..."
"Ya prob'bly won't hardly miss me anyways..."
"Just get yer ass up here, Ed... It's way past yer bedtime..."
"Shit... How late is it...? Ya know I gotta get up early tomorrow..."
"Ya don't gotta get up early... Ya wanna get up early... "
"Fine. I wanna get up early. 'Cause tha's wha' dull 'n borin' 'n predictable folks wanna do... 'n go ta bed early... they wanna go ta bed early too... 'n they wanna park the damn truck in the damn shed... fer no other reason than tha's where the damn truck belongs... 'n they don't wanna hafta go bowlin' if'n they don't wanna... which they don't 'cause they're dull 'n borin' 'n predictable..."
"'N cheap. You keep fergettin' cheap."
"'N cheap."
"Ya want some music on, dumbass...?"
"Nope. Dull 'n borin' 'n predictable 'n cheap folks don't like music."
"Too bad."
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4qHX493bB3U
"Ya think tha's real funny don'tcha...?"
"Ya don't get it, Ed..."
"I get it alrigh'..."
"No ya don't... Yer a wild thing 'n ya don't even know it... 'N I don't mean just between the sheets... 'N yeah... you migh' be real predictable about all the run-a-the-mill day-ta-day stuff around here... 'n I'll be the first ta admit that I thoroughly enjoy kiddin' ya about it..."
"Yeah... yer real predictable tha' way..."
"...'n sometimes maybe I go a l'il too far 'n hurt yer feelin's 'n I'm sorry about tha'... But... 'n this is a real big 'but'... in a whole lotta other situations... like when ya said ya wanted ta put tha' ring on yer finger... 'n standin' next ta me at tha' gay pride rally... 'n when ya put yer hand on my arm in the park... 'n when our bible-thumpin' neighbor Bob came ta the door... 'n in tha' bar at Mt. Hood... you sure as hell ain't predictable at all..."
"That ain't exactly a real long list..."
"Yeah it is... 'n it ain't nearly ev'rythin'... Or even the big stuff... Hell... Ya went against yer folks' crazy god 'n ev'rythin' you believed in ta love me... 'N then ya left a life ya knew was safe 'n secure in order ta be with me... 'N then on top of all tha'... fer years ya worked at a job ya hated in order ta stay with me..."
"Don't go gettin' too big a head... tha' last one was ta finish up payin' child support fer Iris... 'n then after tha' ta put her through college..."
"Yeah... But... if'n ya hadn't a moved here ya coulda done it workin' at a job ya liked least-wise..."
"Well I didn't exactly know wha' tha' job was gonnna be like when I took it..."
"Yeah... But... when ya couldn't find nothin' else ya still stuck with it... as long as ya had ta... 'N ya know damn well if'n you had moved back ta where ya came from yer old boss woulda givin' you yer job back... in a heartbeat..."
"Ya really think he woulda...? Damn... Tha' never even occurred ta me..."
"Yeah it did, dumbass... But... ya stayed here with me... 'N I know I've told ya this before 'n I guess I'm just gonna hafta keep tellin' it to ya 'til ya believe it... Ya don't bore me. Ya never did bore me. Ya never will bore me. 'N just 'cause I get a l'il bored with livin' here sometimes... 'n just because I don't exactly mind the thought of gettin' away from it ev'ry now 'n again... tha' don't mean that I don't love this place... 'n ev'ry single minute of our dull 'n borin' 'n predictable life here together... just as much as you do..."
"'N cheap... Ya forgot ta say how ya don't mind me bein' cheap..."
"I didn't ferget... You bein' cheap irritates the hell outta me."
"It does, huh...?"
"Ya know damn well it does... But... even though I sure don't wanna encourage ya... I guess I do gotta admit tha' you never wantin' ta spend one cent more than ya absolutely, positively hafta... 'n always managin' ta squirrel somethin' away... has helped us through some real tough times... But... 'n this is a big ol 'but' too... sometimes ya get way too carried away with it..."
"Yeah... I know I do... 'n maybe I should try ta rein it in some..."
"Well I never woulda predicted ya'd say tha'..."
"Maybe not... But... I'd betcha anythin' ya know exactly what I'm gonna do now..."
"I sure as hell do..."
"Wait a minute, Hank... What about this... when we... you know... Is tha'...? Does tha' get... uh... predictable fer ya... sometimes...?"
"Hell yeah... After all these years together it ain't like either one of us could do much ta the other tha'd be a full-out unexpected surprise... But... I'll tell ya what it don't get... it don't hardly ever get dull or borin'... 'cause I never know exactly which Ed I'm gonna find in tha' there bed... or wherever we happen ta be when the urge hits... Lessee... there's Just-hang-on-'cause-it's-gonna-be-one-helluva-ride Ed... 'n So-slow-he-drives-me-clear-outta-my-head Ed... n I-can't-believe-Ed-just-did-that-in-the-shed Ed 'n..."
"Wait a minute... hardly ever...?"
"Well... I do got a passin' acquaintance with Let's-just-get-this-over-with-already-'n- go-ta-bed Ed... 'n his mornin' version... Ya-know-I'd-really-rather-be-eatin-some- pancakes-instead Ed..."
"Well... you ain't always at yer most enthusiastic neither..."
"I know I ain't... 'N it can't be a circus act ev'ry time... But... 'n this is the biggest but of all... no matter which Ed shows up... yer still my wild thing 'n ya still make my heart sing... 'N I can only hope you feel half the same way about me..."
"Ya know damn well I feel all the same way..."
"Yeah. I know."
"So's... are you about done with all the 'buts' fer the night...?"
"I think so... All but yers anyways... 'N thanks fer settin' that one up fer me by the way..."
"Yer welcome... So's... which Ed wouldya like tonight...?"
"It don't matter ta me... 'cause I love each 'n ev'ry one of 'em... But... lookit tha'... I guess I did have another 'but' in me... but ya know... Tha' 'Major Dick Head' Ed hasn't paid me a visit in a while..."
"I think it was 'Commander Dick Head', butt-head..."
"You sure...?"
"Yep. 'N it's Rear Admiral Dick Head now."
"It is, huh...? Well tha' was a well-deserved promotion... 'N I'd sure appreciate the opportunity ta congratulate him in person if'n I could..."
"I'll see if'n I can find him... He migh' be off on a mission ta... Mars... or somewheres..."
"C'mon, Ed... Go ahead 'n say it..."
"Fine... He's on a mission ta Uranus..."
"Well tha's the kinda mission tha's right up my alley..."
"I knew you were gonna say tha'..."
"There's a surprise."
"You were waitin' all nigh' ta work it inta the conversation..."
"Yer damn right I was."
"C'mere, dumbass..."
"Is that an order, Rear Admiral...?"
"Yer damn right it is."
---
Wild thing.
You make my heart sing.
You make everythiiing grooovy.
Wild thing.
C'mon, c'mon wild thing...
---