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Ed and Hank
Part 3: He needs wide open spaces!
Note: This was posted in a rush again, so if there's a ton of typos or spacing errors, (LJ is still messing with Hank's spacing), Hank apologizes in advance. Disclaimer: Hank told their story to Annie Proulx. Jack and Ennis are all hers. Ed and Hank belong only to each other. Rating: G $$: Nope.
Links to all previous posts are here:
http://myeyesaintblue.livejournal.com/10082.html
Part 1 is here: http://myeyesaintblue.livejournal.com/74564.html
Part 2 is here: http://myeyesaintblue.livejournal.com/74967.html
Part 3 is here:
Part 3... He needs wide open spaces...
"So's... Now yer gonna drag me up
them Moki Dugway switchbacks, huh...?"
"I thought it'd be a whole lot easier ta drive up 'em...
if it's all the same ta you."
"Well it ain't all the same ta me."
"We drive up 'n down plenty a switchbacks, Ed..."
"I thought ya said ya didn't wanna go ta tha' Natural Bridges park... Or no other canyons... 'n that's all that's up there..."
"I don't... But up thataway's still the fastest way ta get ta where I do wanna go... Otherwise we're back-trackin'... 'n I know you hate back-trackin' even more than ya hate switch-backin'..."
"Fine. But... pull over up here..."
"Why...?"
"'Cause no way am I lettin' you drive."
"How 'bout if I promise ta let Jesus ta take the wheel...? Ya know... like tha' song..."
"Dumbass."
"Ya want me ta try 'n sing it fer ya...? 'Course I don't know the words... so's I'll hafta make 'em up as I go..."
"Thanks, but no thanks... Just pull over up here, Hank..."
"Jesus prob'bly don't know how ta drive a stick shift anyways..."
A few minutes later...
"Uh... Ed...?"
"Yeah...?"
"If'n we were in England ya'd be on the right side a the road...
But I'm purty sure we ain't in England... 'N that's a blind curve up ahead..."
"I see what's up ahead alrigh'...
'N I see what's down below us too... a whole lotta air..."
"Maybe you should consider lettin' Jesus take the wheel, Ed...
Or one a them apostles... John or Peter...
or maybe Paul or Simon..."
"I'm movin' over, dumbass..."
"'N don't think I don't appreciate it... Hey... speakin' a Paul Simon...
D'ya mind if'n I put some music on...?"
"Just wait 'til we get ta the top... I don't wantcha fumblin' around lookin' fer cds while I'm drivin' up these switchbacks..."
"D'ya mind if I fumble around fer somethin' else...?"
"Don't even think about it, Hank."
"Okay... okay... How 'bout if I just sing fer ya... 'We're goin' ta Graceland... Graceland... we're goin' ta Graceland... I have reason ta believe we both will be received in Graceland'... real soon..."
"Dumbass."
"Wha'...? I'm talkin' about Elvis' house in Memphis, Tennessee."
"Yeah. Sure ya are."
A few minutes after that...
"Pull over up here, Ed... I wanna get out 'n take a picture..."
"No way am I stoppin'."
"C'mon, Ed... Just fer a minute... There's a real big pull-out righ' there..."
"Fine. But if you go over the edge I ain't drivin' back down ta get ya."
"I ain't gonna go over the edge, dumbass..."
"'N yer minute starts... now."
one minute and eleven seconds later...
"Wait a sec, Ed...
None of 'em turned out too good...
I wanna go 'n try again..."
"No way. You had yer chance.
You get out again 'n I'm drivin' up the rest a the way without ya..."
"Thanks a lot."
"Don't worry...
I'd wait fer ya at the top..."
"Thanks a lot."
"Yer welcome."
A few minutes later...
"Well I'm sure glad ya didn't drive ta the top withou' me...
you woulda been makin' time with tha' cowboy...
while I was trudgin' up that road..."
"He ain't my type."
"Tha's right... I fergot... yer heart belongs ta... 'Stan-ley... Stan-ley... Stan-ley... Stan-leeey'..."
"Jeez... Not again...."
"But..."
"Wha'...?"
"Didya see the size a his belt buckle...?"
"Dumbass."
A couple of minutes later...
"Ya know... from lookin' at the scenery up here ya'd never guess
that there was a whole buncha big ol' canyons
out there in all them trees..."
"Tha's fer damn sure... But... Since we're here...
Are ya sure ya don't wanna go back ta that Road Canyon, Hank...?
It's just off the road a few miles... Or maybe go ta one a them other ones...
ya know there's plenty ta choose from out there..."
"Nope. Too canyon-y... 'N too many trees too...
I still need me some wide open spaces."
"Too many trees...?
There's a complaint ya don't hear about Utah too often."
"So's, Ed... Now can I fumble around some...?"
"Nope. But ya can put some music on if'n ya wanna..."
"Yer no fun. Lemme see... I think we got it here somewheres... Here it is..."
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ujhdf9_IO4w
"That ain't 'Graceland'."
"Nope. I changed my mind... 'When I think back on all the crap I learned in high school... it's a wonder I can think at all... And while my lack of education hasn't hurt me none... I can read the writin' on the wall... Kodachro-o-ome... gives us them nice bright colors... gives us the greens a summers... makes ya think all the world's a sunny day... Oh yeah... I got a Ni-kon camera... I love ta take the photographs... So mama don't take my Kodachrome away'..."
"I know I'd sure as hell like ta take tha' camera away from ya sometimes..."
"I know I sure as hell wish it was a Nikon... One a them fancy ones... 'If you took all the guys I knew when I was single... 'n brought 'em all together fer one night..."
"'N exactly how many guys would tha' be...?"
"...'I know they'd never match my sweet little Ed-magination..."
"Damn right they wouldn't."
"'N ev'rythin' looks worse in black 'n white'... Kodachro-o-ome... gives us them nice bright colors... gives us the greeeens a summer... makes ya think all the world's a sunny day... Oh yeah... I got a Ni-kon camera... I love ta take the photographs... So mama don't take my Kodachrome away'..."
"Ya know livin' with you is like livin' in a goddamn musical... a real strange one..."
"You want me ta stop...?"
"Nah... I guess havin' ya singin' is better than havin' ya not... So's... I s'pose that's where ya wanna go next...? Kodachrome Basin State Park..."
"Nope... I wanna go ta the place they shoulda named Kodachrome..."
"Tha' could apply ta most anywheres in this state... the southern half of it anyways..."
"It sure could... But I'm talkin' about Capitol Reef National Park... That's where I wanna go... If it's all alrigh' by you..."
"Do I got a choice...?"
"Nope."
"Then it's alrigh' by me."
A pit stop on the way...
"Pull over up around the next bend, Ed...
We still got a ways ta go 'n I wanna get out 'n stretch my legs..."
"Yer legs are plenty long enough fer me."
"Glad ta hear it. But I still wantcha ta pull over...
We can switch drivers too..."
"Fine. I'm pullin' over."
A couple of minutes later...
"Can I ask you a question, Ed...?"
"I guess we know each other well enough."
"I don't get it... There's plenty a days at home
where yer out in the sun all day long... but whenever we're anywheres else...
yer always chasin' after whatever l'il bit a shade
you can rustle up..."
"Wha's ta get...?
Back home the work's gotta be done even if'n it's in the blazin' hot sun...
which it usually is... but out here... if'n I can find some shade...
I'm damn well gonna put it to good use..."
"Thanks fer clearin' that up fer me."
"You let me know if there's any other mysteries
you need help with."
"I'll do tha'.
Jeez... Will ya look at that, Ed..."
"Wha'...?"
"Them rocks... Someone spent a fair amount a time
stackin' 'em up inta cairns like tha'..."
"Yeah... Someone about as crazy as you."
"Maybe even crazier.
There must be twenty-five stacks of 'em there..."
"I'd say."
"Maybe more."
"But... why d'ya s'pose they did tha'
smack dab in the middle a this big ol' parkin' lot...?"
"Damned if I know...
But... I'd sure as hell like ta meet
whoever done it."
"I'd wager it was prob'bly a long-lost relative of yers."
"'N I wouldn't bet against ya bein' right."
Later...
"Slow down, Hank...
I think we're gettin' close ta tha' campsite I like...
ya know... the one tha's kinda off by itself... 'n right on the river...
Or wha' passes fer a river around
here anyways..."
"No way will that one be open."
"It migh' be...
It's still early in the season..."
"Damned if it ain't. That's a real stroke a luck."
"So's... How 'bout we sit by the river fer a while...?"
"Sounds good ta me..."
"This is nice."
"Yep. Real nice."
"It sure is."
"Yep."
"Yep."
"'N purty too."
"It sure is."
"Yep."
"Yep."
"Ya wanna beer...?"
"Sure."
"Here ya go..."
"Thanks."
"Damn... That hits the spot."
"It sure does."
"The sound a tha' river gurglin'
is real purty too."
"Yep."
"This is nice."
"Yep. Real nice."
"It sure is."
"Yep."
"Yep."
The next morning...
"I think tha' fella over there is a l'il unclear
on the concept a camouflage..."
"Hell... I seen you dressed a whole lot gaudier than that, Hank."
"I'll be righ' back, Ed... I'm gonna go in 'n get a trail map... I forgot ta bring ours..."
"I'd figure ya'd know all the trails here well 'nough by now..."
"Yeah... But I like ta see where we are in the bigger scheme a things."
"I'll just wait out here... 'n fill up the water jugs... if that's alrigh' by you..."
"Do I got a choice...?"
"Nope."
"Then it's alrigh' by me."
Later...
"Wha' the hell took ya so long, Hank...?"
"I was talkin' ta tha' fella... the one in the day-glo camouflage..."
"Ya didn't insult him... didya...?"
"Of course I didn't insult him... I just told him if'n tha' was supposed ta be red-rock camouflage he was wearin' it weren't workin' 'cause I could still see him plain as day... 'n then he laughed 'n said he was color blind 'n his wife used ta pick out his clothes fer him ev'ry mornin'... but she died last summer..."
"Jeez..."
"Yeah... His name's Herb 'n hers was Eleanore... Elly fer short... They'd been together sixty-five years..."
"Damn..."
"Yeah... They met when they were 18... 'N they been comin' here ta see the cherry blossoms... 'n camp 'n hike 'n whatnot... fer years 'n years 'n years... way before it was a national park... 'n before they had kids 'n then with their kids 'n then later on sometimes with their kids and or their grandkids 'n sometimes alone... He said they ain't hardly missed a year 'n he weren't about ta start now... But this year he wanted ta come alone... So's he did..."
"How the hell d'ya find out tha' much about folks so quick-like...?"
"I dunno... I guess he just wanted ta talk about it... 'n there I was willin' ta listen... But I think he's feelin' a l'il at loose ends... Bein' here alone 'n all... So's... I hope ya don't mind... But I asked him ta join us fer supper tonight..."
"I guess I don't mind... Didya tell him where we're camped...? Tha' we're ten miles east a here instead a in the campground...?"
"Nope. I thought it'd be more fun if'n he had ta try 'n find us on his own."
"Dumbass."
"He knows the spot... Ev'ryone who comes here regular-like knows tha' spot...
"'N didya tell him it ain't gonna be nothin' fancy...? Or good even..."
"Nope... I told him it'd be a gourmet meal... 'n that he should wear his best formal camouflage..."
"Dumbass."
"'N I hope ya don't mind this neither... I told him there was plenty a room if'n he wanted ta park his rig... he's got one a them truck campers... next ta our truck fer the night if it got ta be late 'n he didn't wanna drive back ta the campground... 'n he said he migh' jus' do tha' 'cause he don't see real well ta drive at night no more..."
"Great. Yer invitin' strangers fer sleepovers now..."
"He ain't a stranger. I told ya... his name is Herb."
"But... didya...?"
"Yeah... I told him about us... When he asked if'n I were married... I said I was gay 'n tha' my partner 'n I been together fer a real long time too..."
"'N he was alrigh' with tha'...?"
"Well... he stuttered some at first... 'n turned as red as his shirt... 'n kinda blue too come ta think of it... 'n maybe a l'il green around the gills... 'n then he got kinda choked up... it turns out he's been estranged from one a his sons... on accounta his son bein' gay... 'N his wife... she didn't agree with him about tha'... so she kept in touch with their son... who lives in Seattle now... but he didn't... he saw him at Elly's funeral a course... but barely talked to him... 'n now he's regrettin' it... bein' so estranged fer so long 'n all... But he ain't sure how ta go about changin' things..."
"So's... you 'n him were havin' this conversation smack dab in the middle a the visitor center...?"
"I'd say it was more off ta one side."
"Dumbass."
"You woulda enjoyed it though... 'cause Herb... he's kinda hard a hearin'... so he talks kinda loud... 'n ya gotta talk loud ta him too... 'n I wouldn't exactly say there was a crowd formin'... but I could tell a few folks were takin' a real interest in the conversation... although Herb didn't seem ta notice..."
"Yeah. I really woulda enjoyed tha'."
Hey... stop the truck, Ed...
Let's get out 'n check out them cherry trees..."
"They sure are purty..."
"They sure are."
"Now I s'pose yer gonna drag me up tha' cliff behind tha' barn
like ya do ev'ry time we come here..."
"Yep."
"Even though there's just one a them
real confinin' feelin' canyons up there..."
"Yep. 'N it's a real purty l'il canyon...
but we're gonna be climbin' up 'n outta it
purty quick anyways..."
"Up ta the 'fryin' pan trail', huh...?"
"Yep... Wide open spaces...
Some a my fav'rite as a matter a fact..."
"It is real purty up here..."
"But... Herb... 'n so many other folks livin' in this here state...
folks livin' in such wide open 'n downrigh' beautiful places... or near 'em anyways...
sometimes I cain't help but wonder why so many of 'em
seem ta have the most closed-up minds..."
"Somehow I doubt it's the scenery's fault."
"Prob'bly not."
"So's... How 'bout we just ferget about all them closed-up minds
'n enjoy the day 'n the view 'n ev'rythin' else..."
"Sounds good ta me... 'Kodachro-o-ome... gives us them nice bright colors... gives us the greens of summers... Makes ya think all the world's a sunny day... Oooh yeah'..."
"Uh... Hank...?"
"Yeah...?"
"Ya know we're in a national park again... 'n there's bound ta be other folks nearby... 'N a lotta them folks... they come a helluva long way ta be here... Not just a few hours drive like fer us..."
"Yeah..."
"'N ya know how sound carries here... wha' with the dry air 'n all the rocks ta bounce off a..."
"So's... How 'bout I just sing it a l'il quieter-like...? 'Kodachro-o-ome... gives us them nice bright colors... gives us the greens of summers... Makes ya think all the world's a sunny day... Oooh yeah'..."
A few days later... On the way home...
"Why the hell are ya turnin' around, Hank...?"
"I gotta take a picture of tha' sign...
I think they migh' be a l'il unclear on the concept
of search 'n rescue..."
"Ya know ya got a much better chance a survin' if'n ya get lost
durin' bow huntin' season here."
"True 'nough.
'N it sure gives the motto 'bring 'em back dead or alive'
a whole new meanin'..."
"They prob'bly bring ya back alive if ya can afford ta pay fer it...
'n use ya fer target practice if'n ya cain't."
"'N lookit tha' sign there..."
"Times are tough all over...
So's maybe they just couldn't afford that last dot..."
"Prob'bly not."
"They should have a bake sale ta raise money fer it."
"'N while they're at it...
I think they should splurge 'n go fer an exclamation point...
Make it read more like they mean it..."
A few miles later...
"Why the hell are ya pullin' over, Hank...?"
"Ya know, Ed... Yer pa... If'n ya wanna... we could get up there ta see him purty easy from here... Alls we gotta do is turn right up here in Loa 'n keep goin' fer a while..."
"So... That's the real reason ya wanted ta come this way, huh...? I couldn't figure it out... ya never wanna take this way 'cause it ain't near as scenic..."
"Not near as 'scenic', huh...?
I guess tha'd be the polite way a puttin' it..."
"Well... Ya shoulda taken the other way...
'Cause no way am I goin' ta see my pa."
"It migh' be a fair ways away... but Bill won't mind us bein' gone another few days..."
"So's... lemme get this straight... no pun intended... Because you spend half the night stayin' up talkin' with a fella who regrets how he treated his son... all a the sudden ya want me ta go see my crazy bible-thumpin' nut-job of a father...? 'N ya'd prob'bly want me ta come out ta him to ta boot... 'N then wha'...? He throws his arms around me 'n tells me he's sorry fer how bad he treated me 'n Ruth 'n oh by the way it turns out that he don't mind at all that I'm queer neither 'n we all live happily ever after...? I think ya been watchin' too many after school specials on TV, dumbass..."
"I don't think they got those no more... But... Maybe yer pa's changed, Ed... Dontcha think you should least-wise find out...?"
"He ain't changed."
"Ya don't know tha'."
"Yeah. I do."
"No. Ya don't."
"Yeah. I do. The last time I called tha' nursin' home ta see how he was doin'... the woman I talked to... she said he's preachin' fire 'n brimstone at the other folks in there all the time... 'S kinda causin' some problems... 'cause he gets folks all agitated 'n then all hell breaks loose... or as much as it can in a nursin' home anyways... which from the sounds of it is more than ya'd think..."
"Ya never told me tha'..."
"Wha' was there ta tell...? He ain't changed. 'N he ain't gonna change. 'N I told ya before... even if'n he had changed... I still ain't got no interest in seein' him. End a story."
"Okay, okay... I won't bring it up again."
"Good."
"But ya shoulda told me..."
"If you'd a told me exactly why you were goin' this way before we went this way I woulda told ya then..."
"I don't mean because I wanted ta go the other way, dumbass... although of course I woulda... I mean because ya shoulda told me just because it's somethin' ya shoulda told me..."
"Well... it just ain't real important, Hank... 'N I don't wanna make no more outta it than it is... which is no diff'rent than it's ever been... So's... can we talk about somethin' else already...?"
"Fine... But ya know... Tha' must be somethin' ta see..."
"Wha'...?"
"All hell breakin' loose in tha' nursin' home..."
"Yeah... I can just see tha' crazy ol' sonofabitch chasin' after folks in his wheelchair... tryin' ta whack 'em with his bible 'n haranguin' them ta no end..."
"...While they throw their bowls a lime Jello at him ta try 'n slow him down..."
"I doubt tha'd do it... But I wish 'em luck..."
A little while later...
"Holy shit... Tha' fella's headed right at us..."
"Move the hell over, Hank..."
"Whaddya think I'm doin'...? Try 'n get a picture of his plate...
Damn... He's gonna kill someone..."
"'N he's aimin' at us...
Watch it... he's movin' over this way now..."
"Shit. Tha' was crazy... We better call the cops...
Is the phone workin' here...?"
"Nope."
"Shit."
"Wha' the hell are ya doin'...?"
"I'm turnin' around... we cain't wait fer the cops anyways...
we gotta try 'n get him off the road before
he hits someone head on..."
"How the hell are you gonna do tha'...?"
"I dunno...
I guess I'll try 'n cut him off somehow..."
"This ain't a goddamn movie, Hank...
'N ya know damn well ev'ry wacko out here's got a gun"
"Well so do we."
"Great. Jus' great. A car chase and a shoot-out..."
"Hey... I tried ta get ya ta go in the other direction..."
"Yeah... ta visit my crazy-ass pa... Hell...
Come ta think of it... I guess I'd take a car chase
'n a shoot-out over that anyday."
"Technic'lly tha'd be a truck chase 'n a shoot-out..."
"Hold up, Dirty Harry... Someone else musta called...
There's the sheriff headed after him now..."
"Good. 'Cause it wouldna been much of a shoot-out... wha' with our gun 'n the back 'n unloaded 'n all..."
"True 'nough."
"But..."
"Wha'...?"
"Damn... If'n we'd a been justa li'l further along... I never woulda seen him comin' over tha' rise... 'n he woulda hit us full-speed head on..."
"Well we weren't a l'il further along... 'n ya did see him... 'n tha' sheriff's got him pulled over now... Hell... I guess we better go 'n tell 'em wha' we saw..."
"Ya know as a law-abidin' citizen I'm gonna hafta turn you in too... Fer drivin' on the wrong side a the road goin' up them switchbacks the other day..."
"Well then I'm gonna have no choice but ta turn you in too... fer bein' a dumbass."
"Lucky fer me that ain't a crime in this state..."
"Dumbass."
Later...
"What the hell d'ya s'pose was wrong with tha' guy...?"
"I dunno... But somethin' sure as hell was..."
"I'm just glad he didn't end up hurtin' no one."
"Yeah. Me too."
"We're real lucky..."
"Yeah. We sure are... In a whole lotta ways... So's, Hank...?"
"Yeah...?"
"Maybe we could talk ta Bill tomorrow... 'n see if'n a couple of his nephews are int'rested in workin' again this summer... 'n if'n them same two cain't maybe some others could... Bill's got a whole heap a nephews... 'n then we could do some more travelin' 'n campin'... Just maybe anyways..."
"Yer serious, Ed...?"
"Yeah. I'm serious."
"I don't gotta argue...? Or twist yer arm...?"
"Or throw no fits or beg or plead or whine neither."
"I dunno... Tha' kinda takes a lotta the fun outta it..."
"'Course if'n tha' lawsuit a Betty's gets settled we'll hafta come back 'n sort all that out... 'n prob'bly start helpin' 'em build a l'il house... it'd be good ta finish it before winter sets in..."
"So's... what happened...? You see yer life flash in front of ya when tha' fella was headin' towards us 'n decide ya ain't done quite enough campin' yet...?"
"Tha' didn't got nothin' ta do with it... Hell... 'S more like I wanna go despite tha'... 'cause there's a helluva lotta crazy drivers out there..."
"So's... why d'ya wanna go all of a sudden... when usually I gotta do ev'rythin' but cartwheels ta try 'n convince ya ta leave the ranch fer even a few days...?"
"I dunno... Maybe what Herb was talkin' about some the other night... about how he regretted puttin' off retirement fer so long 'n spendin' so much time workin'... time he coulda been spendin' with Elly..."
"I gotta admit... I was kinda hopin' you weren't noddin' off when he was talkin' about tha'... Remind me ta write ta Herb 'n thank him."
"But... d'ya think he'll call his son... 'n ask him 'n his partner ta visit... like he said he was gonna...?"
"I bet he will."
"Yeah. I bet he will too."
"'S bound ta take some time though... I imagine his son ain't too happy about the way he's been treated... Ya cain't just snap yer fingers 'n make it all better..."
"It's a start anyways."
"Yep. It's a start."
"So's... ya've done ev'rythin' but cartwheels, huh...?"
"Yep."
"I guess I shoulda held out... 'cause that's somethin' I'd sure as hell like ta see..."
"Ya don't think I can do a cartwheel, huh...?"
"Nope."
"Well I'm just gonna hafta prove it to ya..."
"C'mon, Hank... Just wait 'til we get home... If'n ya pull over here tha' big ol' RV ya just passed will get by us 'n you'll just hafta pass him again..."
"So I'll pass him again."
"'N I was just kiddin'... yer liable ta hurt yer knee again... or throw out yer back... 'n I don't wanna be the 'cause of it... C'mon, Hank... get back in the truck..."
"I ain't gonna hurt myself, Ed... Please hold yer applause 'til it's over... Here goes..."
"I think ya migh' got a broken axle or somethin'... 'cause tha' was one helluva sorry excuse fer a cartwheel.""
"I s'pose you could do better."
"Damn right I could... 'course I ain't done one in years 'n years... but..."
"Damn... Where the hell didya ever learn ta cartwheel like that, Ed...?"
"I'll give ya three guesses in the first two don't count."
"Iris...?"
"Yep. A dad's gotta do what a dad's gotta do."
"Are there any other hidden talents ya've been keepin' from me...?"
"Yep."
"So...?"
"Wha'...?"
"Ain't ya gonna tell me wha' they are...?"
"Nope."
"Figures."
Later... at home...
"Can I get ya a beer, Hank...? That is assumin' you ain't plannin' on crawlin' back inta tha' bottle now tha' we're back home..."
"I ain't gonna crawl back inta tha' bottle... It's way too confinin'..."
"Good."
"'N it's all thanks ta you, Ed... 'cause... wait a minute... I gotta find it... here..."
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XZWEEm6xZvU
"Music, huh...? What a surprise."
"Yep... now... hold on... give it a minute..."
"Do I got a choice...?"
"Nope... 'Cause the only boy who could ever reach me was the son of a preacher man... the only one would could ever teach me... was the son of a preacher man... yes he was... he was... whoa... yes he was'..."
"Dumbass."
"So's... Ya wanna teach me somethin' else, ya sweet-lovin' son of a crazy ol' preacher man...?"
"I'll be happy ta teach the hell outta ya..."
"You got my full attention."
"Good... Now... ta do a proper cartwheel ya gotta..."
"A cartwheel ain't exactly what I had in mind."
"It ain't, huh...?"
"Nope."
"Well... lemme see what else I can come up with..."
"Don't you ever get tired of tha' play on words...?"
"Nope."
"Good. 'Cause I don't neither."
"C'mere, dumbass..."
---
Hank would just like to say...
Just to let y'all know,
it may be a while before Hank can post another post
because they're heading out camping again as soon as this is posted
and then eventually to visit Iris in Chicago,
(Although Hank will do his best to try and post
somethin' short ev'ry now and again.)
"Goddammit."
"Wha's wrong, Hank...?"
"I was workin' on postin' the third part about our March trip... 'n I just heard... The California Supreme Court upheld prop 8."
"Well... Ya know it ain't a real surprise..."
"I know... But it's still real disappointin'... 'N their reasonin' is that they had to uphold it in order ta uphold their state constitution..."
"So... they upheld somethin' unconstitutinal in order ta uphold their constitution...?"
"Yep."
"Go figure."
"Least-wise the 18,000 couples who did marry before prop 8 was passed can stay married... or get divorced legal-like if'n they wanna... 'cause that's just as important a right as gettin' hitched is..."
"So... Some a the gay folks in California got equal rights... 'n some don't...?"
"Yep."
"Tha' don't make a lick a sense... Or seem real constitutional neither..."
"Nope... It don't... 'N it ain't... 'N the same goes fer gay folks havin' equal rights in a few states 'n not in the rest... But... them groups fightin' fer gay rights say they're gonna try 'n get it back on the California ballot as early as next year... 'N this time they'll be better prepared fer the opposition 'n their lyin' 'n cheatin' ways... But... it still ain't right... ta let folks vote on other folks' civil rights..."
"It sure as hell ain't..."
"Hey... ya know wha' they say... if'n ya cain't beat 'em... join 'em... so's maybe we should start up a campaign ta make divorce illegal in this here state... If marriage is so damn sacred ta these folks we should make damn sure none of 'em could ever tear it asunder with somethin' as profane and despicable as divorce..."
"Don't go givin' that Mormon church no ideas, Hank... Or by the time we can get hitched in this here state we won't be able ta get divorced if'n we wanna..."
"So's... yer worried about not bein' able ta get divorced... even though we prob'bly won't live long enough ta get married here legal-like...?"
"Yep... 'Cause like ya said... tha's real important too... 'N I just wanna make sure we got all the rights we're entitled to... just in case 'n all..."
"Just in case, huh...?"
"Yep. Just in case... 'N if'n the day ever comes when we can tie the knot legal-like I'm gonna be makin' ya sign one a them pre-nups too."
"Dumbass."
"A fella's gotta protect his self."
"Yeah...? Well how 'bout you try 'n protect yerself from this..."
"Ooomph..."
......
.........
"Ya know, Hank... We ain't ever gonna get on the road today at this rate..."
"Ya want me ta stop...?"
"Nah... I'm purty sure the road'll still be there tomorrow."
"I'd be willin' ta bet on it."
"So's... just in case 'n all... How much d'ya figure is half a nothin' much...?"
"Lessee... We got this ol' house... 'n tha' run-down ol' barn... 'n tha' fallin' down ol' shed... 'n a couple a barely-runnin' ol' trucks 'n whatnot... 'n then there's a whole buncha land that ain't worth near as much as it used ta be... So's... if'n ya add it all up... lessee.. carry the one... 'n then ya divide it by two... I'd say it's prit' near priceless."
"It sure as hell is."
"I love yer dumb ass, Ed."
"I love yer dumb ass too, Hank."
---
Part 3: He needs wide open spaces!
Note: This was posted in a rush again, so if there's a ton of typos or spacing errors, (LJ is still messing with Hank's spacing), Hank apologizes in advance. Disclaimer: Hank told their story to Annie Proulx. Jack and Ennis are all hers. Ed and Hank belong only to each other. Rating: G $$: Nope.
Links to all previous posts are here:
http://myeyesaintblue.livejournal.com/10082.html
Part 1 is here: http://myeyesaintblue.livejournal.com/74564.html
Part 2 is here: http://myeyesaintblue.livejournal.com/74967.html
Part 3 is here:
Part 3... He needs wide open spaces...
"So's... Now yer gonna drag me up
them Moki Dugway switchbacks, huh...?"
"I thought it'd be a whole lot easier ta drive up 'em...
if it's all the same ta you."
"Well it ain't all the same ta me."
"We drive up 'n down plenty a switchbacks, Ed..."
"I thought ya said ya didn't wanna go ta tha' Natural Bridges park... Or no other canyons... 'n that's all that's up there..."
"I don't... But up thataway's still the fastest way ta get ta where I do wanna go... Otherwise we're back-trackin'... 'n I know you hate back-trackin' even more than ya hate switch-backin'..."
"Fine. But... pull over up here..."
"Why...?"
"'Cause no way am I lettin' you drive."
"How 'bout if I promise ta let Jesus ta take the wheel...? Ya know... like tha' song..."
"Dumbass."
"Ya want me ta try 'n sing it fer ya...? 'Course I don't know the words... so's I'll hafta make 'em up as I go..."
"Thanks, but no thanks... Just pull over up here, Hank..."
"Jesus prob'bly don't know how ta drive a stick shift anyways..."
A few minutes later...
"Uh... Ed...?"
"Yeah...?"
"If'n we were in England ya'd be on the right side a the road...
But I'm purty sure we ain't in England... 'N that's a blind curve up ahead..."
"I see what's up ahead alrigh'...
'N I see what's down below us too... a whole lotta air..."
"Maybe you should consider lettin' Jesus take the wheel, Ed...
Or one a them apostles... John or Peter...
or maybe Paul or Simon..."
"I'm movin' over, dumbass..."
"'N don't think I don't appreciate it... Hey... speakin' a Paul Simon...
D'ya mind if'n I put some music on...?"
"Just wait 'til we get ta the top... I don't wantcha fumblin' around lookin' fer cds while I'm drivin' up these switchbacks..."
"D'ya mind if I fumble around fer somethin' else...?"
"Don't even think about it, Hank."
"Okay... okay... How 'bout if I just sing fer ya... 'We're goin' ta Graceland... Graceland... we're goin' ta Graceland... I have reason ta believe we both will be received in Graceland'... real soon..."
"Dumbass."
"Wha'...? I'm talkin' about Elvis' house in Memphis, Tennessee."
"Yeah. Sure ya are."
A few minutes after that...
"Pull over up here, Ed... I wanna get out 'n take a picture..."
"No way am I stoppin'."
"C'mon, Ed... Just fer a minute... There's a real big pull-out righ' there..."
"Fine. But if you go over the edge I ain't drivin' back down ta get ya."
"I ain't gonna go over the edge, dumbass..."
"'N yer minute starts... now."
one minute and eleven seconds later...
"Wait a sec, Ed...
None of 'em turned out too good...
I wanna go 'n try again..."
"No way. You had yer chance.
You get out again 'n I'm drivin' up the rest a the way without ya..."
"Thanks a lot."
"Don't worry...
I'd wait fer ya at the top..."
"Thanks a lot."
"Yer welcome."
A few minutes later...
"Well I'm sure glad ya didn't drive ta the top withou' me...
you woulda been makin' time with tha' cowboy...
while I was trudgin' up that road..."
"He ain't my type."
"Tha's right... I fergot... yer heart belongs ta... 'Stan-ley... Stan-ley... Stan-ley... Stan-leeey'..."
"Jeez... Not again...."
"But..."
"Wha'...?"
"Didya see the size a his belt buckle...?"
"Dumbass."
A couple of minutes later...
"Ya know... from lookin' at the scenery up here ya'd never guess
that there was a whole buncha big ol' canyons
out there in all them trees..."
"Tha's fer damn sure... But... Since we're here...
Are ya sure ya don't wanna go back ta that Road Canyon, Hank...?
It's just off the road a few miles... Or maybe go ta one a them other ones...
ya know there's plenty ta choose from out there..."
"Nope. Too canyon-y... 'N too many trees too...
I still need me some wide open spaces."
"Too many trees...?
There's a complaint ya don't hear about Utah too often."
"So's, Ed... Now can I fumble around some...?"
"Nope. But ya can put some music on if'n ya wanna..."
"Yer no fun. Lemme see... I think we got it here somewheres... Here it is..."
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ujhdf9_IO4w
"That ain't 'Graceland'."
"Nope. I changed my mind... 'When I think back on all the crap I learned in high school... it's a wonder I can think at all... And while my lack of education hasn't hurt me none... I can read the writin' on the wall... Kodachro-o-ome... gives us them nice bright colors... gives us the greens a summers... makes ya think all the world's a sunny day... Oh yeah... I got a Ni-kon camera... I love ta take the photographs... So mama don't take my Kodachrome away'..."
"I know I'd sure as hell like ta take tha' camera away from ya sometimes..."
"I know I sure as hell wish it was a Nikon... One a them fancy ones... 'If you took all the guys I knew when I was single... 'n brought 'em all together fer one night..."
"'N exactly how many guys would tha' be...?"
"...'I know they'd never match my sweet little Ed-magination..."
"Damn right they wouldn't."
"'N ev'rythin' looks worse in black 'n white'... Kodachro-o-ome... gives us them nice bright colors... gives us the greeeens a summer... makes ya think all the world's a sunny day... Oh yeah... I got a Ni-kon camera... I love ta take the photographs... So mama don't take my Kodachrome away'..."
"Ya know livin' with you is like livin' in a goddamn musical... a real strange one..."
"You want me ta stop...?"
"Nah... I guess havin' ya singin' is better than havin' ya not... So's... I s'pose that's where ya wanna go next...? Kodachrome Basin State Park..."
"Nope... I wanna go ta the place they shoulda named Kodachrome..."
"Tha' could apply ta most anywheres in this state... the southern half of it anyways..."
"It sure could... But I'm talkin' about Capitol Reef National Park... That's where I wanna go... If it's all alrigh' by you..."
"Do I got a choice...?"
"Nope."
"Then it's alrigh' by me."
A pit stop on the way...
"Pull over up around the next bend, Ed...
We still got a ways ta go 'n I wanna get out 'n stretch my legs..."
"Yer legs are plenty long enough fer me."
"Glad ta hear it. But I still wantcha ta pull over...
We can switch drivers too..."
"Fine. I'm pullin' over."
A couple of minutes later...
"Can I ask you a question, Ed...?"
"I guess we know each other well enough."
"I don't get it... There's plenty a days at home
where yer out in the sun all day long... but whenever we're anywheres else...
yer always chasin' after whatever l'il bit a shade
you can rustle up..."
"Wha's ta get...?
Back home the work's gotta be done even if'n it's in the blazin' hot sun...
which it usually is... but out here... if'n I can find some shade...
I'm damn well gonna put it to good use..."
"Thanks fer clearin' that up fer me."
"You let me know if there's any other mysteries
you need help with."
"I'll do tha'.
Jeez... Will ya look at that, Ed..."
"Wha'...?"
"Them rocks... Someone spent a fair amount a time
stackin' 'em up inta cairns like tha'..."
"Yeah... Someone about as crazy as you."
"Maybe even crazier.
There must be twenty-five stacks of 'em there..."
"I'd say."
"Maybe more."
"But... why d'ya s'pose they did tha'
smack dab in the middle a this big ol' parkin' lot...?"
"Damned if I know...
But... I'd sure as hell like ta meet
whoever done it."
"I'd wager it was prob'bly a long-lost relative of yers."
"'N I wouldn't bet against ya bein' right."
Later...
"Slow down, Hank...
I think we're gettin' close ta tha' campsite I like...
ya know... the one tha's kinda off by itself... 'n right on the river...
Or wha' passes fer a river around
here anyways..."
"No way will that one be open."
"It migh' be...
It's still early in the season..."
"Damned if it ain't. That's a real stroke a luck."
"So's... How 'bout we sit by the river fer a while...?"
"Sounds good ta me..."
"This is nice."
"Yep. Real nice."
"It sure is."
"Yep."
"Yep."
"'N purty too."
"It sure is."
"Yep."
"Yep."
"Ya wanna beer...?"
"Sure."
"Here ya go..."
"Thanks."
"Damn... That hits the spot."
"It sure does."
"The sound a tha' river gurglin'
is real purty too."
"Yep."
"This is nice."
"Yep. Real nice."
"It sure is."
"Yep."
"Yep."
The next morning...
"I think tha' fella over there is a l'il unclear
on the concept a camouflage..."
"Hell... I seen you dressed a whole lot gaudier than that, Hank."
"I'll be righ' back, Ed... I'm gonna go in 'n get a trail map... I forgot ta bring ours..."
"I'd figure ya'd know all the trails here well 'nough by now..."
"Yeah... But I like ta see where we are in the bigger scheme a things."
"I'll just wait out here... 'n fill up the water jugs... if that's alrigh' by you..."
"Do I got a choice...?"
"Nope."
"Then it's alrigh' by me."
Later...
"Wha' the hell took ya so long, Hank...?"
"I was talkin' ta tha' fella... the one in the day-glo camouflage..."
"Ya didn't insult him... didya...?"
"Of course I didn't insult him... I just told him if'n tha' was supposed ta be red-rock camouflage he was wearin' it weren't workin' 'cause I could still see him plain as day... 'n then he laughed 'n said he was color blind 'n his wife used ta pick out his clothes fer him ev'ry mornin'... but she died last summer..."
"Jeez..."
"Yeah... His name's Herb 'n hers was Eleanore... Elly fer short... They'd been together sixty-five years..."
"Damn..."
"Yeah... They met when they were 18... 'N they been comin' here ta see the cherry blossoms... 'n camp 'n hike 'n whatnot... fer years 'n years 'n years... way before it was a national park... 'n before they had kids 'n then with their kids 'n then later on sometimes with their kids and or their grandkids 'n sometimes alone... He said they ain't hardly missed a year 'n he weren't about ta start now... But this year he wanted ta come alone... So's he did..."
"How the hell d'ya find out tha' much about folks so quick-like...?"
"I dunno... I guess he just wanted ta talk about it... 'n there I was willin' ta listen... But I think he's feelin' a l'il at loose ends... Bein' here alone 'n all... So's... I hope ya don't mind... But I asked him ta join us fer supper tonight..."
"I guess I don't mind... Didya tell him where we're camped...? Tha' we're ten miles east a here instead a in the campground...?"
"Nope. I thought it'd be more fun if'n he had ta try 'n find us on his own."
"Dumbass."
"He knows the spot... Ev'ryone who comes here regular-like knows tha' spot...
"'N didya tell him it ain't gonna be nothin' fancy...? Or good even..."
"Nope... I told him it'd be a gourmet meal... 'n that he should wear his best formal camouflage..."
"Dumbass."
"'N I hope ya don't mind this neither... I told him there was plenty a room if'n he wanted ta park his rig... he's got one a them truck campers... next ta our truck fer the night if it got ta be late 'n he didn't wanna drive back ta the campground... 'n he said he migh' jus' do tha' 'cause he don't see real well ta drive at night no more..."
"Great. Yer invitin' strangers fer sleepovers now..."
"He ain't a stranger. I told ya... his name is Herb."
"But... didya...?"
"Yeah... I told him about us... When he asked if'n I were married... I said I was gay 'n tha' my partner 'n I been together fer a real long time too..."
"'N he was alrigh' with tha'...?"
"Well... he stuttered some at first... 'n turned as red as his shirt... 'n kinda blue too come ta think of it... 'n maybe a l'il green around the gills... 'n then he got kinda choked up... it turns out he's been estranged from one a his sons... on accounta his son bein' gay... 'N his wife... she didn't agree with him about tha'... so she kept in touch with their son... who lives in Seattle now... but he didn't... he saw him at Elly's funeral a course... but barely talked to him... 'n now he's regrettin' it... bein' so estranged fer so long 'n all... But he ain't sure how ta go about changin' things..."
"So's... you 'n him were havin' this conversation smack dab in the middle a the visitor center...?"
"I'd say it was more off ta one side."
"Dumbass."
"You woulda enjoyed it though... 'cause Herb... he's kinda hard a hearin'... so he talks kinda loud... 'n ya gotta talk loud ta him too... 'n I wouldn't exactly say there was a crowd formin'... but I could tell a few folks were takin' a real interest in the conversation... although Herb didn't seem ta notice..."
"Yeah. I really woulda enjoyed tha'."
Hey... stop the truck, Ed...
Let's get out 'n check out them cherry trees..."
"They sure are purty..."
"They sure are."
"Now I s'pose yer gonna drag me up tha' cliff behind tha' barn
like ya do ev'ry time we come here..."
"Yep."
"Even though there's just one a them
real confinin' feelin' canyons up there..."
"Yep. 'N it's a real purty l'il canyon...
but we're gonna be climbin' up 'n outta it
purty quick anyways..."
"Up ta the 'fryin' pan trail', huh...?"
"Yep... Wide open spaces...
Some a my fav'rite as a matter a fact..."
"It is real purty up here..."
"But... Herb... 'n so many other folks livin' in this here state...
folks livin' in such wide open 'n downrigh' beautiful places... or near 'em anyways...
sometimes I cain't help but wonder why so many of 'em
seem ta have the most closed-up minds..."
"Somehow I doubt it's the scenery's fault."
"Prob'bly not."
"So's... How 'bout we just ferget about all them closed-up minds
'n enjoy the day 'n the view 'n ev'rythin' else..."
"Sounds good ta me... 'Kodachro-o-ome... gives us them nice bright colors... gives us the greens of summers... Makes ya think all the world's a sunny day... Oooh yeah'..."
"Uh... Hank...?"
"Yeah...?"
"Ya know we're in a national park again... 'n there's bound ta be other folks nearby... 'N a lotta them folks... they come a helluva long way ta be here... Not just a few hours drive like fer us..."
"Yeah..."
"'N ya know how sound carries here... wha' with the dry air 'n all the rocks ta bounce off a..."
"So's... How 'bout I just sing it a l'il quieter-like...? 'Kodachro-o-ome... gives us them nice bright colors... gives us the greens of summers... Makes ya think all the world's a sunny day... Oooh yeah'..."
A few days later... On the way home...
"Why the hell are ya turnin' around, Hank...?"
"I gotta take a picture of tha' sign...
I think they migh' be a l'il unclear on the concept
of search 'n rescue..."
"Ya know ya got a much better chance a survin' if'n ya get lost
durin' bow huntin' season here."
"True 'nough.
'N it sure gives the motto 'bring 'em back dead or alive'
a whole new meanin'..."
"They prob'bly bring ya back alive if ya can afford ta pay fer it...
'n use ya fer target practice if'n ya cain't."
"'N lookit tha' sign there..."
"Times are tough all over...
So's maybe they just couldn't afford that last dot..."
"Prob'bly not."
"They should have a bake sale ta raise money fer it."
"'N while they're at it...
I think they should splurge 'n go fer an exclamation point...
Make it read more like they mean it..."
A few miles later...
"Why the hell are ya pullin' over, Hank...?"
"Ya know, Ed... Yer pa... If'n ya wanna... we could get up there ta see him purty easy from here... Alls we gotta do is turn right up here in Loa 'n keep goin' fer a while..."
"So... That's the real reason ya wanted ta come this way, huh...? I couldn't figure it out... ya never wanna take this way 'cause it ain't near as scenic..."
"Not near as 'scenic', huh...?
I guess tha'd be the polite way a puttin' it..."
"Well... Ya shoulda taken the other way...
'Cause no way am I goin' ta see my pa."
"It migh' be a fair ways away... but Bill won't mind us bein' gone another few days..."
"So's... lemme get this straight... no pun intended... Because you spend half the night stayin' up talkin' with a fella who regrets how he treated his son... all a the sudden ya want me ta go see my crazy bible-thumpin' nut-job of a father...? 'N ya'd prob'bly want me ta come out ta him to ta boot... 'N then wha'...? He throws his arms around me 'n tells me he's sorry fer how bad he treated me 'n Ruth 'n oh by the way it turns out that he don't mind at all that I'm queer neither 'n we all live happily ever after...? I think ya been watchin' too many after school specials on TV, dumbass..."
"I don't think they got those no more... But... Maybe yer pa's changed, Ed... Dontcha think you should least-wise find out...?"
"He ain't changed."
"Ya don't know tha'."
"Yeah. I do."
"No. Ya don't."
"Yeah. I do. The last time I called tha' nursin' home ta see how he was doin'... the woman I talked to... she said he's preachin' fire 'n brimstone at the other folks in there all the time... 'S kinda causin' some problems... 'cause he gets folks all agitated 'n then all hell breaks loose... or as much as it can in a nursin' home anyways... which from the sounds of it is more than ya'd think..."
"Ya never told me tha'..."
"Wha' was there ta tell...? He ain't changed. 'N he ain't gonna change. 'N I told ya before... even if'n he had changed... I still ain't got no interest in seein' him. End a story."
"Okay, okay... I won't bring it up again."
"Good."
"But ya shoulda told me..."
"If you'd a told me exactly why you were goin' this way before we went this way I woulda told ya then..."
"I don't mean because I wanted ta go the other way, dumbass... although of course I woulda... I mean because ya shoulda told me just because it's somethin' ya shoulda told me..."
"Well... it just ain't real important, Hank... 'N I don't wanna make no more outta it than it is... which is no diff'rent than it's ever been... So's... can we talk about somethin' else already...?"
"Fine... But ya know... Tha' must be somethin' ta see..."
"Wha'...?"
"All hell breakin' loose in tha' nursin' home..."
"Yeah... I can just see tha' crazy ol' sonofabitch chasin' after folks in his wheelchair... tryin' ta whack 'em with his bible 'n haranguin' them ta no end..."
"...While they throw their bowls a lime Jello at him ta try 'n slow him down..."
"I doubt tha'd do it... But I wish 'em luck..."
A little while later...
"Holy shit... Tha' fella's headed right at us..."
"Move the hell over, Hank..."
"Whaddya think I'm doin'...? Try 'n get a picture of his plate...
Damn... He's gonna kill someone..."
"'N he's aimin' at us...
Watch it... he's movin' over this way now..."
"Shit. Tha' was crazy... We better call the cops...
Is the phone workin' here...?"
"Nope."
"Shit."
"Wha' the hell are ya doin'...?"
"I'm turnin' around... we cain't wait fer the cops anyways...
we gotta try 'n get him off the road before
he hits someone head on..."
"How the hell are you gonna do tha'...?"
"I dunno...
I guess I'll try 'n cut him off somehow..."
"This ain't a goddamn movie, Hank...
'N ya know damn well ev'ry wacko out here's got a gun"
"Well so do we."
"Great. Jus' great. A car chase and a shoot-out..."
"Hey... I tried ta get ya ta go in the other direction..."
"Yeah... ta visit my crazy-ass pa... Hell...
Come ta think of it... I guess I'd take a car chase
'n a shoot-out over that anyday."
"Technic'lly tha'd be a truck chase 'n a shoot-out..."
"Hold up, Dirty Harry... Someone else musta called...
There's the sheriff headed after him now..."
"Good. 'Cause it wouldna been much of a shoot-out... wha' with our gun 'n the back 'n unloaded 'n all..."
"True 'nough."
"But..."
"Wha'...?"
"Damn... If'n we'd a been justa li'l further along... I never woulda seen him comin' over tha' rise... 'n he woulda hit us full-speed head on..."
"Well we weren't a l'il further along... 'n ya did see him... 'n tha' sheriff's got him pulled over now... Hell... I guess we better go 'n tell 'em wha' we saw..."
"Ya know as a law-abidin' citizen I'm gonna hafta turn you in too... Fer drivin' on the wrong side a the road goin' up them switchbacks the other day..."
"Well then I'm gonna have no choice but ta turn you in too... fer bein' a dumbass."
"Lucky fer me that ain't a crime in this state..."
"Dumbass."
Later...
"What the hell d'ya s'pose was wrong with tha' guy...?"
"I dunno... But somethin' sure as hell was..."
"I'm just glad he didn't end up hurtin' no one."
"Yeah. Me too."
"We're real lucky..."
"Yeah. We sure are... In a whole lotta ways... So's, Hank...?"
"Yeah...?"
"Maybe we could talk ta Bill tomorrow... 'n see if'n a couple of his nephews are int'rested in workin' again this summer... 'n if'n them same two cain't maybe some others could... Bill's got a whole heap a nephews... 'n then we could do some more travelin' 'n campin'... Just maybe anyways..."
"Yer serious, Ed...?"
"Yeah. I'm serious."
"I don't gotta argue...? Or twist yer arm...?"
"Or throw no fits or beg or plead or whine neither."
"I dunno... Tha' kinda takes a lotta the fun outta it..."
"'Course if'n tha' lawsuit a Betty's gets settled we'll hafta come back 'n sort all that out... 'n prob'bly start helpin' 'em build a l'il house... it'd be good ta finish it before winter sets in..."
"So's... what happened...? You see yer life flash in front of ya when tha' fella was headin' towards us 'n decide ya ain't done quite enough campin' yet...?"
"Tha' didn't got nothin' ta do with it... Hell... 'S more like I wanna go despite tha'... 'cause there's a helluva lotta crazy drivers out there..."
"So's... why d'ya wanna go all of a sudden... when usually I gotta do ev'rythin' but cartwheels ta try 'n convince ya ta leave the ranch fer even a few days...?"
"I dunno... Maybe what Herb was talkin' about some the other night... about how he regretted puttin' off retirement fer so long 'n spendin' so much time workin'... time he coulda been spendin' with Elly..."
"I gotta admit... I was kinda hopin' you weren't noddin' off when he was talkin' about tha'... Remind me ta write ta Herb 'n thank him."
"But... d'ya think he'll call his son... 'n ask him 'n his partner ta visit... like he said he was gonna...?"
"I bet he will."
"Yeah. I bet he will too."
"'S bound ta take some time though... I imagine his son ain't too happy about the way he's been treated... Ya cain't just snap yer fingers 'n make it all better..."
"It's a start anyways."
"Yep. It's a start."
"So's... ya've done ev'rythin' but cartwheels, huh...?"
"Yep."
"I guess I shoulda held out... 'cause that's somethin' I'd sure as hell like ta see..."
"Ya don't think I can do a cartwheel, huh...?"
"Nope."
"Well I'm just gonna hafta prove it to ya..."
"C'mon, Hank... Just wait 'til we get home... If'n ya pull over here tha' big ol' RV ya just passed will get by us 'n you'll just hafta pass him again..."
"So I'll pass him again."
"'N I was just kiddin'... yer liable ta hurt yer knee again... or throw out yer back... 'n I don't wanna be the 'cause of it... C'mon, Hank... get back in the truck..."
"I ain't gonna hurt myself, Ed... Please hold yer applause 'til it's over... Here goes..."
"I think ya migh' got a broken axle or somethin'... 'cause tha' was one helluva sorry excuse fer a cartwheel.""
"I s'pose you could do better."
"Damn right I could... 'course I ain't done one in years 'n years... but..."
"Damn... Where the hell didya ever learn ta cartwheel like that, Ed...?"
"I'll give ya three guesses in the first two don't count."
"Iris...?"
"Yep. A dad's gotta do what a dad's gotta do."
"Are there any other hidden talents ya've been keepin' from me...?"
"Yep."
"So...?"
"Wha'...?"
"Ain't ya gonna tell me wha' they are...?"
"Nope."
"Figures."
Later... at home...
"Can I get ya a beer, Hank...? That is assumin' you ain't plannin' on crawlin' back inta tha' bottle now tha' we're back home..."
"I ain't gonna crawl back inta tha' bottle... It's way too confinin'..."
"Good."
"'N it's all thanks ta you, Ed... 'cause... wait a minute... I gotta find it... here..."
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XZWEEm6xZvU
"Music, huh...? What a surprise."
"Yep... now... hold on... give it a minute..."
"Do I got a choice...?"
"Nope... 'Cause the only boy who could ever reach me was the son of a preacher man... the only one would could ever teach me... was the son of a preacher man... yes he was... he was... whoa... yes he was'..."
"Dumbass."
"So's... Ya wanna teach me somethin' else, ya sweet-lovin' son of a crazy ol' preacher man...?"
"I'll be happy ta teach the hell outta ya..."
"You got my full attention."
"Good... Now... ta do a proper cartwheel ya gotta..."
"A cartwheel ain't exactly what I had in mind."
"It ain't, huh...?"
"Nope."
"Well... lemme see what else I can come up with..."
"Don't you ever get tired of tha' play on words...?"
"Nope."
"Good. 'Cause I don't neither."
"C'mere, dumbass..."
---
Hank would just like to say...
Just to let y'all know,
it may be a while before Hank can post another post
because they're heading out camping again as soon as this is posted
and then eventually to visit Iris in Chicago,
(Although Hank will do his best to try and post
somethin' short ev'ry now and again.)
"Goddammit."
"Wha's wrong, Hank...?"
"I was workin' on postin' the third part about our March trip... 'n I just heard... The California Supreme Court upheld prop 8."
"Well... Ya know it ain't a real surprise..."
"I know... But it's still real disappointin'... 'N their reasonin' is that they had to uphold it in order ta uphold their state constitution..."
"So... they upheld somethin' unconstitutinal in order ta uphold their constitution...?"
"Yep."
"Go figure."
"Least-wise the 18,000 couples who did marry before prop 8 was passed can stay married... or get divorced legal-like if'n they wanna... 'cause that's just as important a right as gettin' hitched is..."
"So... Some a the gay folks in California got equal rights... 'n some don't...?"
"Yep."
"Tha' don't make a lick a sense... Or seem real constitutional neither..."
"Nope... It don't... 'N it ain't... 'N the same goes fer gay folks havin' equal rights in a few states 'n not in the rest... But... them groups fightin' fer gay rights say they're gonna try 'n get it back on the California ballot as early as next year... 'N this time they'll be better prepared fer the opposition 'n their lyin' 'n cheatin' ways... But... it still ain't right... ta let folks vote on other folks' civil rights..."
"It sure as hell ain't..."
"Hey... ya know wha' they say... if'n ya cain't beat 'em... join 'em... so's maybe we should start up a campaign ta make divorce illegal in this here state... If marriage is so damn sacred ta these folks we should make damn sure none of 'em could ever tear it asunder with somethin' as profane and despicable as divorce..."
"Don't go givin' that Mormon church no ideas, Hank... Or by the time we can get hitched in this here state we won't be able ta get divorced if'n we wanna..."
"So's... yer worried about not bein' able ta get divorced... even though we prob'bly won't live long enough ta get married here legal-like...?"
"Yep... 'Cause like ya said... tha's real important too... 'N I just wanna make sure we got all the rights we're entitled to... just in case 'n all..."
"Just in case, huh...?"
"Yep. Just in case... 'N if'n the day ever comes when we can tie the knot legal-like I'm gonna be makin' ya sign one a them pre-nups too."
"Dumbass."
"A fella's gotta protect his self."
"Yeah...? Well how 'bout you try 'n protect yerself from this..."
"Ooomph..."
......
.........
"Ya know, Hank... We ain't ever gonna get on the road today at this rate..."
"Ya want me ta stop...?"
"Nah... I'm purty sure the road'll still be there tomorrow."
"I'd be willin' ta bet on it."
"So's... just in case 'n all... How much d'ya figure is half a nothin' much...?"
"Lessee... We got this ol' house... 'n tha' run-down ol' barn... 'n tha' fallin' down ol' shed... 'n a couple a barely-runnin' ol' trucks 'n whatnot... 'n then there's a whole buncha land that ain't worth near as much as it used ta be... So's... if'n ya add it all up... lessee.. carry the one... 'n then ya divide it by two... I'd say it's prit' near priceless."
"It sure as hell is."
"I love yer dumb ass, Ed."
"I love yer dumb ass too, Hank."
---