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Ed and Hank
One fine day...
An Ed and Hank short-take (1)
Disclaimer: Hank told their story to Annie Proulx. Jack and Ennis are all hers. Ed and Hank belong only to each other. Rating: G $$: Nope.
"Wha' the hell are ya mumblin' ta yerself about, Hank...?"
"I ain't been able ta write about us fer a real long time on accounta it's jus' been one thing after another 'round here... 'n it don't show signs a lettin' up anytime real soon... So's I thought I'd just post some short stuff ev'ry now 'n again... 'N I was just thinkin' maybe I'd call 'em 'short-takes'..."
"Damn. Tha's too bad."
"Wha'...? Why...?"
"I thought you mighta been sayin' somethin' about short-cake."
"Sorry ta disappoint ya, dumbass."
"Not as sorry as me."
Links to all previous posts are here:
http://myeyesaintblue.livejournal.com/10082.html
One Fine Day...
"Damn. Traffic sure is bad. Worst I seen it in a while."
"Well...Whaddya expect, Hank...? It is "Popcorn Days" after all."
"True 'nough. 'N I guess I should just be glad it ain't 'Peanut Days'..."
"Yeah... everyone in town starts runnin' amok durin' 'Peanut Days'."
"With free peanuts ta be had, who can blame 'em...?"
"I just wish there was 'Pie Days'...
Now tha'd be somethin' ta get worked up about..."
"You'd run amok fer free pie, huh...?"
"Yep."
"Now that's somethin' I'd like ta see... So's... How 'bout we stop 'n buy a couple a pies from Myrna...? Tha' way we can have our very own 'Pie Days' 'n I can watch you run amok..."
"It wouldn't really be 'Pie Days' if'n the pie weren't free."
"'S my treat."
"Yer treat is still my treat, dumbass."
"Well, I'll be damned..."
"Wha'...?"
"That's the second time in a the last few months you've admitted... withou' cajolin' or proddin' or threatenin' from me... that what's mine is yers 'n what's yers is mine..."
"'N when exactly was the first time...?"
"When you were kiddin' me about gettin' divorced a while back... that is if'n we could ever get hitched legal-like anyways... Ta be specific... you were wonderin' what half a nothin' much would amount to in order ta determine if'n it'd be worth yer while ta leave me..."
"'N was it...? Enough ta make it worth my while ta leave ya...?"
"Nope."
"Too bad."
"But..."
"But wha'...?"
"I'm real glad the idea of all of our dwindlin' assets bein' communal has fin'lly taken root in that rock-hard head a yers, Ed... In fact... it kinda makes me feel like runnin' amok myself... ta celebrate 'n all..."
"Well, ya better pull off the road first."
"I guess I'll save it fer later... I wouldn't wantcha ta be late fer 'Popcorn Days'."
"'N don't think I don't appreciate it."
"Although I cain't hardly believe yer actually turnin' down the offer of pie..."
"Who the hell said I didn't want pie...? I didn't say I didn't want pie... I just said we cain't go callin' it 'Pie Days' if'n the pie ain't free."
"Pie it is then..."
"Yep."
"But not 'Pie Days'..."
"Nope."
"I love yer dumb ass, Ed..."
"I love yers too, Hank... But..."
"But wha'...?"
"But watch out fer tha' tractor, dumbass."
"I'm watchin'... I'm watchin'..."
Later that night...
"Hey, Ed...?"
"Yeah...?"
"You about ready fer 'Hank Days' ta start...?"
"What the hell are you talkin' about...?"
"'Hank Days'... 'S a new festival bein' held right here in our bedroom..."
"'N here I thought ev'ry day was Hank's Day..."
"'Hold on... Lemme put on the 'Hank Days' theme song..."
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OvHkWl8HfrI
"I guess it'd be too much to expect fer it ta be a country song..."
"It sure would... 'Love is like caaandy on a shelf... You want ta taste...? Then help yerself... The sweetest things are there fer yooou... Help yerself... Take a few... That's what I want you to dooo..."
"Dumbass."
"We're always told repeatedly... the very best in life is freee... And if you want to prove it's true... baby, I'm... tellin' you... this is what... you should do... Just help yerself to my lips... to my arms... Just say the word and they are yoours..."
"That's some video ya found..."
"Yep. I needed somethin' real special fer 'Hank Days'."
"Well tha's definitely somethin' alright... Wait a minute... This don't mean yer gonna start givin' it away ta ev'ry Tom, Dick 'n Harry... Are ya...?"
"Nope. It's all just fer you, Ed."
"Good. But..."
"But wha'...?"
"You ain't gonna start chargin' me when it ain't 'Hank Days' no more... Are ya...?"
"What would be the point in tha'...? Remember...? What's yers is mine 'n what's mine is yers..."
"Lucky fer me I came around ta that way a thinkin'... Or I'd a gone broke in no time..."
"I woulda run ya a tab."
"I appreciate it."
"Now... Are you gonna help yerself... Or not...?"
"Not only am I gonna help m'self... I may just run amok some too..."
"Well how 'bout ya stop talkin' about it... 'n start doin' it..."
"C'mere, dumbass..."
The next mornin'...
"Mornin', Ed..."
"Mornin', Hank... Shit... I overslept... I gotta..."
"Ya don't gotta do nothin'... I heard Bill down in the kitchen a while ago... so's I went down 'n told him you were still out like a light 'n I didn't wanna wake ya 'cause you could use some extra beauty sleep... 'n he agreed 'n said he'd take care a whatever needs ta be taken care of 'n you shouldn't oughta worry about a thing..."
"Yer tellin' me I slept through you gettin' up 'n goin' down them squeaky stairs 'n then comin' back up them stairs 'n gettin' back inta bed...?"
"Yep. Like I said... you were out like a light..."
"'Course it ain't like I didn't got good reason ta be... Damn... tha' was some night... I guess 'Hank's Day' turned out ta be my lucky day."
"Mine too... But just wait 'til 'Ed Days'... They're the best of all..."
"'N when exactly are 'Ed Days'...?"
"I do believe they start right about... now...!"
"Ooomph...! I may not survive 'Ed Days'."
"Yeah ya will..."
"Get off me, Hank..."
"Wha'...? No 'Ed Days'...?"
"There's 'Ed Days' alrigh'... But..."
"But wha'...?"
"But I was figurin' they'd start off in the shower... C'mon, dumbass..."
"Like I said... 'Ed Days' are gonna be the best of all..."
"Yer damn right they are."