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Ed and Hank
Greetin's from Ed and Hank and a new post too (Love is a Battlefield...)
Disclaimer: Hank told their story to Annie Proulx. Jack and Ennis are all hers. Ed and Hank belong only to each other. Rating: G $$: Nope.
Links to all previous posts are here:
http://myeyesaintblue.livejournal.com/10082.html
Best wishes fer a real happy new year!
From Hank 'n Ed
"Wha' the hell are ya doin', Hank...?"
"I'm postin' a New Year's greetin' from us."
"Well... yer either real late... or damn early..."
"Tha' would be real damn late...This was meant fer a helluva long time ago... Damn, Ed... I cain't hardly believe it's been over two years since I been able ta write about us... Ev'ry time I'd try, this that or the other thing would come up."
"I think it was mostly the other thing."
"Leastwise Bill will be back real soon... His brother's doin' a whole lot better 'n he'll be able ta work his place withou' Bill again."
"'N thanks be fer tha'. Bill comin' back here will sure as hell be a welcome sight fer sore eyes..."
"'N sore muscles too."
"Speak fer yerself."
"Wait a minute, Ed... Why the hell are YOU so damn eager fer Bill ta come back...? I been pullin' my weight 'round here... 'n then some..."
"I guess I cain't argue with tha'..."
"But ya jus' prefer workin' side by side day in 'n day out with Bill 'n not me, huh...?"
"It's jus' diff'rent is all... Bill knows what I want done... 'n when I like wha' done 'n how I want it done... 'n he jus' does it with no... uh... debatin'... about it."
"There's more than one way ta do somethin'."
"'N yer bound 'n determined ta figure 'em all out."
"'N yer bound 'n determined ta not try nothin' new ever."
"Ain't no need ta fix what ain't broke."
"Could be broke 'n you jus' don't know it."
"If it's broke you can be damn sure I'd know about it."
"Dumbass."
"Dumbass."
Later that night...
"HANK...!"
"YA DON'T GOTTA YELL, ED...! I'M RIGHT HERE!"
"You comin' ta bed or not...?"
"I gotta make a quick call first."
"Who the hell d'ya gotta call at this time a night...?"
"Bill. Thought I'd try 'n get him over here fer ya... Seein' as how he's so amazin'ly good at figurin' out whatcha want 'n then doin' it 'xactly how 'n when ya want it done..."
"Put the damn phone down 'n get over here, dumbass."
"I jus' wantcha ta be happy, Ed... 'N if'n tha' means invitin' Bill over ta pinch hit fer me in the sack too... well... so be it..."
"Lucky fer me this is one a them situations where you always wantin' ta find a new way ta do somethin' comes in right handy... So's get yer ass over here already..."
"'N left handy too... I can be ambi-dextrous-like when I need ta."
"Dumbass."
"Hold on... I jus' wanna put some music on... We don't own the one I got in mind... I gotta look it up on YouTube..."
"I s'pose it's too much ta ask fer country music..."
"Yep."
"I bet Bill would put on country music fer me."
"I bet he would too. Here... I found what I was lookin' fer..."
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cXuyQILJ-yc
"Great. Jus' great."
"'Biiiiiilllll.... Ed loves you so... he always will... He looks at you and sees the passion eyes of May... whatever the hell that is... Ohhhhhhh... But is Ed ever gonna see his weddin' day'...?"
"Dumbass."
"'Ed was by yer side Bill, when Hank was snooooozin'...'"
"Well that's true 'nough."
"'Ed never schemes or lies, Bill... There's been no fooolin'... But kisses 'n love won't carry Ed 'til ya marry him Biiiiillll.... Ed loves you so, he always will... And in yer voice Ed hears a choir of carousels... Ohhhhh, but is Ed ever gonna hear his weddin' bells'...?"
"Ya know, Hank... I think I'm beginnin' ta wish Bill was gay."
"I KNEW it."
"You are such a dumbass sometimes."
"Betcha don't ever call Bill a dumbass."
"I sure as hell don't."
"'N ya damn well better not."
"C'mere, dumbass..."
"Be glad to."
A few minutes later...
"What's wrong, Hank...?"
"Nothin's wrong."
"Yeah...? Well that's wha' yer mouth says but yer dick's got another opinion altogether... So's why dontcha jus' tell me what's eatin' atcha... But it sure as hell better not got nothin' ta do with Bill."
"It don't got nothin' ta do with Bill. It's just... tha' song... I put it on as a joke... But... it made me start thinkin' on how there's no way we're ever gonna be able ta get hitched legal-like in this here state... Not in our lifetime anyways..."
"Ya gave yerself the weddin' bell blues, huh...?"
"It ain't funny, Ed."
"Ya gotta admit... it's a l'il funny... Ya put on tha' song ta get my goat 'n it ends up gettin' yers instead..."
"Yeah. Ha. Ha. It's a real riot."
"But... I distinctly remember you whoopin' it up over all the good news this past year - wha' with three more states votin' fer gay marriage... 'n whoopin' it up 'cause even 75 republicans had signed somethin' supportin' gay marriage..."
"Yeah... They signed it fer tha' 'Defense of Marriage' challenge the Supreme Court is hearin' at the end a March... But most a them repubs ain't in office or are retired... 'n the rest a them repubs... the ones tha' count... Well... they ain't just signin' a lousy petition... they're spending millions tryin' ta keep it the law a the land... 'N there's also tha' challenge ta Prop 8 in California tha' they're gonna hear... Hell... If'n them cases go the wrong way... Then it's gonna be one helluva setback... 'N even if'n they do go our way... There ain't no way this here state is givin' us equal rights unless they're downrigh' forced ta do it..."
"But I thought that's whatcha were hopin' fer... Stuff goin' ta the Supreme Court..."
"Yeah... I was... But with some a them justices on tha' court... Well... I'm real worried... 'Specially on accounta tha' one real piece a work... Scalia... 'n all the anti-gay stuff he's spit out... like comparin' the ban on gay marriage ta the ban on murder... 'N not bein' against discriminatin' against gay folks in hirin' 'n firin' 'n housin'... Hell... If'n that ain't bias I don't know what is... ' N he should recuse hisself from these cases... 'n of course he ain't..."
"Well... Ya knew it weren't gonna be easy goin', Hank..."
"Yeah. I know. But I thought we'd leastwise have more folks standin' up fer us once Obama took office 'n them so-called Democrats had the majority in Congress... But it sure as hell didn't work out tha' way... 'N yeah... Obama fin'lly came out in favor a gay marriage... 'n against DOMA... 'n he's fin'lly speakin' out against Prop 8 in California... which is kinda confusin' 'cause he's said before tha' gay marriage should be left up ta the states... 'n he ain't said he's changed his mind on tha'... 'N tha' sure as hell ain't how it should be... at all... If'n we can be married in one state we should be able ta be married 'n all of 'em... Jus' like ev'rybody else... 'N before ya say it... yeah... they got rid a tha' 'Don't Ask Don't Tell'... but tha' weren't no kinda fight at all... They just left it up ta them generals if 'n when ta do it... 'n most a them even thought gettin' rid of it was long overdue..."
"'Course them republicans wouldna even done so's much as gettin' rid a tha' 'Don't Ask' stuff..."
"True 'nough. But it ain't just about tha'... If'n Obama 'n them so-called democrats in congress woulda acted like real Democrats them first two years... 'n I don't mean jus' with our rights... which is bad enough... but with almost ev'rythin' else we thought we were votin' fer 'n against too... 'n showed tha' they were really standin' up 'n fightin' fer the folks in this country... not winnin' evrythin'... tha' wouldna been possible... but if'n they'd least-wise had been really 'n truly FIGHTIN' fer all of us... well... then folks woulda seen tha'... 'n they woulda got a bigger 'n better majority in Congress in 2010 'n not lost it like they did... 'n then they wouldna' had ta worry 'bout no other election fer a helluva long time ta come... But instead they jus' ran around insultin' their base 'n kissin' blue dog dem ass 'n republican ass... 'n runnin' scared a them dumbass "socialist" screamin' teapartiers, who, by the way, would never vote fer any of 'em in a billion years anyways... 'N the bat-shit crazier them repubs get the further them dems bend over backwards fer 'em withou' gettin' a damn thing in return... Hell... I'm sure as hell glad Romney didn't win... but until..."
"Whoa there, Hank... You ain't gonna go gallopin' off on a full-fledged rant here, are ya...?"
"I guess I was startin' ta stampede... But don't worry, Ed... If'n we get bad news from the Supreme Court... 'n maybe even if'n we don't... I'm puttin' tha' particular horse out ta pasture... Fer everythin'... not jus' fer fightin' fer equal rights... 'Cause I'm jus' plain sick 'n tired a fightin'... 'Specially 'cause even when them repubs lose they still seem ta end up winnin'... So's wha' the hell's the point anymore...? I'll still vote... but from now on I'm jus' writin' you in fer president... 'n congress 'n senator 'n representative 'n mayor 'n city council 'n whatever else."
"Ya cain't jus' give up 'n quit fightin' Hank..."
"Why the hell not...? I put in more'n my fair share a time doin' it... I'm jus' gonna leave it up ta them younger folks now."
"Ya cain't quit 'cause yer the one who don't quit... Hell... Ya never gave up on me..."
"I sure as hell came real damn close though."
"But ya didn't... 'N that's what it is now... real damn close... 'Cause if'n they do strike down them dumbass laws... then a whole buncha other states'll prob'bly start passin' laws supportin' gay marriage... 'N ya know damn well that's when the fight gets even more important in them states tha' don't got it... 'N good things might start happenin' real fast then... 'N you'll end up missin' out on bein' a part of the fight when we're fin'lly really winnin'..."
"Yeah... But ya know damn well... like I said before... There's no way this here state is gonna give up fightin' against us until they're downrigh' forced to... 'N that don't look like it's likely ta happen fer a good long while... 'N ya know damn well we ain't gettin' no younger..."
"Ya still cain't quit fightin'... Hell... even now... ya still got me doin' 'n thinkin' about stuff I never in a million years thought I woulda... 'N... well... I been thinkin' about it too some... How bein' able ta get hitched legal-like ain't likely ta happen anytime soon here... No matter what happens with them two cases... Or in any other states..."
"Ya have...? Yer kiddin'...?"
"I ain't kiddin'. Hell... I remember them Mormons fightin' tha' Civil Rights Act tooth 'n nail... 'N they still purty much run this state... So's I know damn well they're gonna fight this even harder... But... I still don't think it makes any kinda sense ta go 'n get hitched in another state 'n still not be hitched legal-like here..."
"Yeah, but Ed, it'd still be better'n..."
"Lemme finish, wouldya...?."
"Okay, okay..."
"Like I said... I still don't think tha' makes much sense... But I was thinkin' about wha' would make some sense... ta me anyways... Wha' we could do legal-like... 'N... well... I was... uh... I was thinkin'... even though it's kinda a stupid idea... maybe... maybe I... uh..."
"Dammit, Ed... Just say it quick-like... Like tearin' off a band-aid..."
"Fine. Maybe... Maybe I could change my last name ta yers... I know it wouldn't change nothin'... not really... but leastwise it'd be makin' a point... A legal-like point... Here... 'N this state... 'N folks can change their names if'n they wanna... there's no law against tha'..."
"............"
"Well... Like I said... it's a stupid idea... 'n it wouldn' really mean nothin'..."
"Jeez, Ed... I... I jus'... It ain't stupid.. 'n it'd sure as hell mean a helluva lot ta me... I jus' I cain't believe ya'd do tha'... Ya'd really change yer last name ta mine...?"
"Well... It ain't like I'm real attached ta my last name or nothin'... Wha' with my folks havin' been so crazy 'n all... 'N I called the county offices... 'n..."
"Wait a minute... ya've even looked inta how ya'd go about doin' it...? Yer kiddin'...?"
"No. I ain't kiddin'. 'N like I said... I called the county offices... 'N they gave me another number... 'n I called tha'... 'n them folks said ya gotta fill out a form statin' why ya wanna change yer name... 'n then ya gotta go ta court... in fron' of a judge 'n all... 'n tell them the why of it... 'n then the judge changes yer name... legal-like..."
"You'd do tha'...? Go in fron' of a judge 'n the whole court 'n say why ya'd wanna change yer name ta mine...?"
"Well... I wouldn' 'xactly be lookin' forward to it... But I'd do it."
"Yer kiddin'...?"
"Wouldya stop sayin' tha'. I. Ain't. Kiddin'."
"Well, I'll be damned."
"Prob'bly. But that ain't wha' we're talkin' about righ' now."
"Dumbass."
"That's the thanks I get, huh...?"
"Nope. We ain't got ta the thankin' ya part... 'N you better believe I'm gonna thank the hell out of ya..."
"You go right ahead."
"Wait a minute..."
"Wha' now...?"
"What about Iris...?"
"Iris...?"
"If'n you change yer name ta mine... Iris'll be the only one left with tha' name... wha' with Nora changin' her name when she got remarried 'n all..."
"I didn't think a tha'... D'ya think Iris would mind...?"
"How 'bout we jus' don't find out... How 'bout I change my name ta yers instead...? Tha' way Iris would gain someone with her last name instead a losin' someone..."
"I guess tha'd work just as well... Better even..."
"'Course... I woulda really liked ta have seen ya stand up in court 'n say 'xactly why ya wanted ta change yer name ta mine... Tha' surely woulda been somethin' ta see..."
"Stop callin' me Shirley."
"I know... How 'bout you change yer name ta mine 'n then change it back after a week or two... Tha' way I'd still get ta see it..."
"Dumbass."
"I think it's a great idea."
"I'm sure ya do."
"Wait a minute... maybe we could hyphenate our names... Ya know... like folks do these days... with yer name first so's it'd still be partly the same as Iris's."
"I dunno, Hank... If'n we're doin' it ta make a point... A legal-like point... Seems ta me it'd mean more ta jus' pick one name..."
"'Course then folks migh' jus' think we're brothers..."
"No one who lives 'round these parts would... But... Well... Lemme think on it some..."
"Fine. But not fer too long... I cain't hardly wait ta change them names on our checks..."
"We don't hardly use checks no more."
"I'm changin' 'em anyways."
"You do tha'."
"I will. Hank 'n Ed Smith... Or Hank 'n Ed Smith-Jones... I like the ring of either of 'em..."
"I was thinkin' more like Ed 'n Hank Whateverwedecide."
"Ya want top billin' with first and last names, huh...?"
"Damn right I do."
"Fine with me. Now le'ssee... I get ta change our names in the phonebook too... 'N it's way past time we fixed tha' ranch sign 'n added our names to it... Big as all get out... Maybe bigger even..."
"Maybe you could hire a skywriter too."
"Hey... Maybe I could..."
"I had ta open my big mouth."
"C'mere... I know jus' wha' to do with it..."
"You sure do. But..."
"Wha'...?"
"Just... uh... thanks, Hank... ya know... fer thinkin' of Iris..."
"Yer welcome. But I'm still the one who should be thankin' you, Ed..."
"How 'bout we jus' thank the hell outta each other...?"
"Good idea. Lemme go 'n put on some music..."
"No way, Hank... I'm puttin' on the music this time..."
"Lemme guess... Johnny Cash...?"
"Nope."
"Hank Williams, the senior...?"
"Nope. We don't own this one neither..."
"Yer puttin' on somethin' we don't own...? Yer kiddin'...?"
"Dumbass. So's I jus' type in what I want on this tube thing, huh...?"
"Yep."
"How do I know which one ta pick...? No... Don't look at it... 'S a surprise..."
"Jus' try the first one then."
"Okay... Here goes... Dammit... Now there's some dumbass ad playin'..."
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZvEnIkz82A0
"Yeah... I cain't figure out why they pop up all the time with some videos 'n jus' sometimes with others... It' migh' let yet skip it in a few seconds... Jus' look in the lower right hand corner..."
"Here goes..."
"Well I sure as hell didn't expect that."
"I thought it might inspire ya... Ya know... ta not quit fightin'... 'Cause it's the tryin' tha' matters... 'N ya cain't ever win if'n ya don't keep on fightin'... 'N I cain't even count the rounds ya lost with me 'fore ya got me ta move here permanent-like..."
"True 'nough. 'N if'n Rocky had quit... there wouldna even been one movie... much less fifty or sixty more..."
"So's... is it workin'...?"
"Well... I gotta admit... it's inspirin'... But... can I think on it some...?"
"Nope. If you don't keep fightin' then I'm not goin' along with the name changin'."
"That ain't fair... it was yer idea ta begin with..."
"All's fair in love 'n war."
"No, it ain't. It ain't fair ta keep us from gettin' hitched legal-like... They don't got no right ta keep us from havin' the same civil rights as ev'rybody else's got... 'N no way do them religions got the sole right ta the word 'marriage'... like they're saying they do... 'N speakin' a war..."
"Hank..."
"...there's plenty that ain't fair..."
"Hank..."
"...Like still holdin' people withou' givin' 'em no trial withou' no war goin' on... 'n even makin' it o-fficial now... 'N whether it's republicans or democrats doin' it it's flat out wrong... Same with..."
"HANK...!"
"Wha'...?"
"Somehow I don't think I gotta worry 'bout gettin' you ta keep on fightin'."
"Yeah. I guess ya don't. 'Course tha' means yer gonna hafta go through with the name changin'..."
"I was gonna go through with it either way, dumbass."
"But... Ya know, Ed... Between the name changin' 'n this here music... I'm gettin' inspired ta new heights in another area altogether... If'n ya know what I mean..."
"You ain't down fer the count no more...?"
"Nope. "
"Good."
"So's... how do we tell who wins 'n who loses...? We don't got no referee..."
"If'n we do it right, we both win."
"True' nough."
"C'mere, Hank."
"DING!"
"Round one?"
"Yep."
"C'mere, dumbass..."
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