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Goin' outta their heads over Ed...
Disclaimer: Hank told their story to Annie Proulx. Jack and Ennis are all hers. Ed and Hank belong only to each other. Rating: G $$: Nope.
***NOTE: Hank's last post (about their name-changin' day) was posted when LJ was down for a while - If you missed it, that post, 'Me and Mr. Smith-Jones...', is here: http://myeyesaintblue.livejournal.com/81515.html#cutid1
Links to all previous posts are here:
http://myeyesaintblue.livejournal.com/10082.html
Goin' outta their heads over Ed...
"Why ya pullin' over, Hank...?"
"I wanna stop 'n say 'hello' ta them fellas over there..."
"Ya jus' gotta say 'hello' ta ev'ry Tom, Dick, 'n Harry ya see, don'tcha...?"
"Yep. 'Specially them 'dicks'."
"Don't I know it."
"You complain'...?"
"Only if it's someone else's."
"Never would be."
"Then I ain't complainin'."
A minute later...
"Jeez, Ed... It don't look like they got much a anythin' ta eat out here..."
"Least-wise they look well-fed... 'N looked after good too..."
"Tha' they do."
"They sure could use some shade though."
"C'mon over here 'n say 'hello', y'all..."
"Breedin' them li'l horses like tha'... I jus' don't get it..."
"Me neither, Ed.... But he's sure got one helluva head of hair on him... Hell... He could pass fer the lead singer of one a them 80's hair bands... 'Course he'd need ta get hisself some platform horseshoes..."
"Dumbass."
"Where the hell are ya goin, Ed...? C'mon back over here... I ain't really gonna make him wear platform horseshoes..."
"Jus' goin' ta pick up tha' piece a garbage over there, dumbass."
"Too late... Looks like they all honed in on ya..."
"Guess they don't wanna say 'hello' ta you so's much, Hank..."
"Never fails. Critters always head righ' ta you."
"Not always."
"Yep. Always. 'Mus' be yer animal magnetism... It's downrigh' irresistible... 'N I oughta know..."
"Dumbass."
"Ya know... Maybe a l'il treat'll get them horses over this way 'n away from you... We got some apples in the truck... Think I'll go cut 'em up 'n hand 'em out..."
"Don't do it, Hank... We don't know them horses... 'n maybe one or more of 'em's on a special diet or somethin'... 'n shouldn' eat no apples..."
"Okay, okay... Prob'bly wouldn'a worked no how... Hell... No doubt I could stand here with a bushel full a apples 'til the cows come home 'n them horses... 'n the cows too fer tha' matter... would still be moonin' away over you..."
"Hey, Hank... Tha' one there reminds me a you."
"Ain't my fault yer ass is so fine I wanna examine it close-up any chance I get."
"Guess I can't argue with tha'."
"You sure as hell cain't. Hey... Look, Ed... It ain't just about the sex... Them two are in love..."
"Dumbass."
"Wha'...? Ya don't believe animals can be in love...?"
"Sure I do. I seen it before."
"Then why the hell didya call me a 'dumbass'...?"
"Habit."
"Dumbass."
A few minutes later...
"Hey, Ed... Ya wanna stop 'n visit tha' Rochester Petroglyph Panel...? We ain't been there in a helluva long time... 'n we're real close now..."
"Seein' as yer drivin'... do I really got a choice...?"
"Nope."
"Didn't think so."
A little while later...
"Hope I remember where it is..."
"Looks like ya don't gotta remember no more."
"Well tha' sure takes all the fun outta it."
A short walk later...
"There it is, Hank..."
"Damn... I fergot how wild this panel is..."
"Sure is."
"'N it looks like they had a lot more dangerous critters ta deal with than the ones we run inta regular-like 'round here..."
"Sure does."
"Wouldna wanted ta be facin' 'em..."
"'Specially not with only stone spear points ta protect ourselves from 'em..."
"Hell, Ed... Bet you'd have them grizzlies 'n dragons 'n wolves... 'n whatever the hell else the rest of 'em are... eatin' right outta yer hand..."
"More like eatin' my hand right off."
"No way... Yer a regular Saint Francis of Assisi..."
"Don't go bringin' no religion inta it."
"Okay... Yer a regular Doctor Doolittle... Or Pied Piper... Only you woudn' need no flute ta get them animals ta follow ya..."
"Chase me more like."
"Nah... Lookit Billthedog... Poor guy were more'n half-wild tied ta tha' tree fer so long... Hell... Even Betty couldn' get nowheres near him... But you... you come along 'n walk right up ta him jus' like tha'... 'n unhook him 'n lead him away easy as pie 'n... bam... He's yer best buddy fer life... 'N even after a few years he still ain't so sure 'bout me..."
"Hell... I still ain't so sure 'bout you neither."
"Yeah ya are."
"Ya think so, huh...?"
"I know so, Mr. Edward Smith-Jones... Hey... Speakin' a Dr. Doolittle... Lookit tha'... Tha' looks jus' like one a them... whaddya callits...Push Me Pull You's..."
"Know how he feels... Pushed thisaway ta stop here 'n pulled thataway ta go there..."
"Trick is ta jus' stop fightin' it."
"Is tha' so...?"
"Yep. 'N jus' wait 'til tonigh'... I'm gonna push ya 'n pull ya ev'ry which way I can..."
"Well I sure as hell won't fight tha'."
"Glad ta hear it."
A while later...
"Uh oh... Lookit them deer, Ed..."
"What about 'em...?"
"They might spot ya 'n come runnin' over here..."
"They're just eatin' in tha' field, dumbass... They don't got no reason ta run over here."
"Yeah, they do... You."
"Yer crazy, Hank."
"Uh oh... They've spotted ya... Hell... even them horses way back yonder have spotted ya... 'N now they're sayin' ta each other... 'Lookit tha'... That's Ed goin' by... I sure hope he stops 'n says 'hello' ta us'..."
"Dumbass."
"'Now look... Since you clearly ain't stoppin' ta say 'hello'... Tha' one there's takin' matters inta her own hands 'n comin' ta you... Ya better slow down, Ed..."
"I am... I am..."
"Here she comes..."
"I see her."
"'N wouldya lookit her struttin' her stuff fer ya... Purty brazen-like if'n ya ask me..."
"Kinda reminds me a you again, Hank."
"Hell... I can strut my stuff a helluva lot better'n tha'..."
"Ya think so, huh...?"
"I know so. 'N I'll show ya later..."
"I'm lookin' forward to it."
"You should be."
Later that night, at camp...
"How 'bout some music, Ed... There ain't no one nowheres nearby tha' we'd be botherin'..."
"Depends wha' yer gonna put on..."
"Ain't got what I wanna put on... So's I'm jus' gonna hafta sing it a capella-like..."
"Why 'xactly d'ya bother ta ask...?"
"'S the polite thing ta do."
"Dumbass."
"... Here goes... WHY DO BIRDS SUDDENLY APPEAR... EV'RY TIME ED IS NEAR...? 'CAUSE JUS' LIKE MEEEE... THEY WANNA BEEE... CLOSE TO YOUUU... WHOAOAOAOA... CLOSE TO YOUUUUUU...."
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Eb0zuptmTQE
"Ya know ya got them coyotes howlin'..."
"They're jus' joinin' in... On accounta they wanna be close ta ya too... WHOAOAOAOA...CLOSE TO YOUUUUU..."
"Well I may be joinin' in with them coyotes too if'n ya don't quit tha' singin'... 'S bad 'nough when ya got music ta drown ya out some... but when ya don't... Damn..."
"Yer gonna be howlin' alrigh'... But not on accounta my singin'..."
"That a promise...?"
"It sure as hell is."
"Well then... Why dontcha stop tha' caterwaulin' 'n c'mon over here..."
"Ya don't wanna watch me strut my stuff first...?"
"Ferget the struttin'... 'n jus' bring yer stuff on over here..."
"You got it, Ed..."
"I sure as hell do... C'mere, Hank..."
A little while later...
"Now that's what I'm talkin' about... WHOAOAOAOA... CLOSE TO YOUUUUUU...."
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Eb0zuptmTQE
"Dumbass."
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Disclaimer: Hank told their story to Annie Proulx. Jack and Ennis are all hers. Ed and Hank belong only to each other. Rating: G $$: Nope.
***NOTE: Hank's last post (about their name-changin' day) was posted when LJ was down for a while - If you missed it, that post, 'Me and Mr. Smith-Jones...', is here: http://myeyesaintblue.livejournal.com/81515.html#cutid1
Links to all previous posts are here:
http://myeyesaintblue.livejournal.com/10082.html
Goin' outta their heads over Ed...
"Why ya pullin' over, Hank...?"
"I wanna stop 'n say 'hello' ta them fellas over there..."
"Ya jus' gotta say 'hello' ta ev'ry Tom, Dick, 'n Harry ya see, don'tcha...?"
"Yep. 'Specially them 'dicks'."
"Don't I know it."
"You complain'...?"
"Only if it's someone else's."
"Never would be."
"Then I ain't complainin'."
A minute later...
"Jeez, Ed... It don't look like they got much a anythin' ta eat out here..."
"Least-wise they look well-fed... 'N looked after good too..."
"Tha' they do."
"They sure could use some shade though."
"C'mon over here 'n say 'hello', y'all..."
"Breedin' them li'l horses like tha'... I jus' don't get it..."
"Me neither, Ed.... But he's sure got one helluva head of hair on him... Hell... He could pass fer the lead singer of one a them 80's hair bands... 'Course he'd need ta get hisself some platform horseshoes..."
"Dumbass."
"Where the hell are ya goin, Ed...? C'mon back over here... I ain't really gonna make him wear platform horseshoes..."
"Jus' goin' ta pick up tha' piece a garbage over there, dumbass."
"Too late... Looks like they all honed in on ya..."
"Guess they don't wanna say 'hello' ta you so's much, Hank..."
"Never fails. Critters always head righ' ta you."
"Not always."
"Yep. Always. 'Mus' be yer animal magnetism... It's downrigh' irresistible... 'N I oughta know..."
"Dumbass."
"Ya know... Maybe a l'il treat'll get them horses over this way 'n away from you... We got some apples in the truck... Think I'll go cut 'em up 'n hand 'em out..."
"Don't do it, Hank... We don't know them horses... 'n maybe one or more of 'em's on a special diet or somethin'... 'n shouldn' eat no apples..."
"Okay, okay... Prob'bly wouldn'a worked no how... Hell... No doubt I could stand here with a bushel full a apples 'til the cows come home 'n them horses... 'n the cows too fer tha' matter... would still be moonin' away over you..."
"Hey, Hank... Tha' one there reminds me a you."
"Ain't my fault yer ass is so fine I wanna examine it close-up any chance I get."
"Guess I can't argue with tha'."
"You sure as hell cain't. Hey... Look, Ed... It ain't just about the sex... Them two are in love..."
"Dumbass."
"Wha'...? Ya don't believe animals can be in love...?"
"Sure I do. I seen it before."
"Then why the hell didya call me a 'dumbass'...?"
"Habit."
"Dumbass."
A few minutes later...
"Hey, Ed... Ya wanna stop 'n visit tha' Rochester Petroglyph Panel...? We ain't been there in a helluva long time... 'n we're real close now..."
"Seein' as yer drivin'... do I really got a choice...?"
"Nope."
"Didn't think so."
A little while later...
"Hope I remember where it is..."
"Looks like ya don't gotta remember no more."
"Well tha' sure takes all the fun outta it."
A short walk later...
"There it is, Hank..."
"Damn... I fergot how wild this panel is..."
"Sure is."
"'N it looks like they had a lot more dangerous critters ta deal with than the ones we run inta regular-like 'round here..."
"Sure does."
"Wouldna wanted ta be facin' 'em..."
"'Specially not with only stone spear points ta protect ourselves from 'em..."
"Hell, Ed... Bet you'd have them grizzlies 'n dragons 'n wolves... 'n whatever the hell else the rest of 'em are... eatin' right outta yer hand..."
"More like eatin' my hand right off."
"No way... Yer a regular Saint Francis of Assisi..."
"Don't go bringin' no religion inta it."
"Okay... Yer a regular Doctor Doolittle... Or Pied Piper... Only you woudn' need no flute ta get them animals ta follow ya..."
"Chase me more like."
"Nah... Lookit Billthedog... Poor guy were more'n half-wild tied ta tha' tree fer so long... Hell... Even Betty couldn' get nowheres near him... But you... you come along 'n walk right up ta him jus' like tha'... 'n unhook him 'n lead him away easy as pie 'n... bam... He's yer best buddy fer life... 'N even after a few years he still ain't so sure 'bout me..."
"Hell... I still ain't so sure 'bout you neither."
"Yeah ya are."
"Ya think so, huh...?"
"I know so, Mr. Edward Smith-Jones... Hey... Speakin' a Dr. Doolittle... Lookit tha'... Tha' looks jus' like one a them... whaddya callits...Push Me Pull You's..."
"Know how he feels... Pushed thisaway ta stop here 'n pulled thataway ta go there..."
"Trick is ta jus' stop fightin' it."
"Is tha' so...?"
"Yep. 'N jus' wait 'til tonigh'... I'm gonna push ya 'n pull ya ev'ry which way I can..."
"Well I sure as hell won't fight tha'."
"Glad ta hear it."
A while later...
"Uh oh... Lookit them deer, Ed..."
"What about 'em...?"
"They might spot ya 'n come runnin' over here..."
"They're just eatin' in tha' field, dumbass... They don't got no reason ta run over here."
"Yeah, they do... You."
"Yer crazy, Hank."
"Uh oh... They've spotted ya... Hell... even them horses way back yonder have spotted ya... 'N now they're sayin' ta each other... 'Lookit tha'... That's Ed goin' by... I sure hope he stops 'n says 'hello' ta us'..."
"Dumbass."
"'Now look... Since you clearly ain't stoppin' ta say 'hello'... Tha' one there's takin' matters inta her own hands 'n comin' ta you... Ya better slow down, Ed..."
"I am... I am..."
"Here she comes..."
"I see her."
"'N wouldya lookit her struttin' her stuff fer ya... Purty brazen-like if'n ya ask me..."
"Kinda reminds me a you again, Hank."
"Hell... I can strut my stuff a helluva lot better'n tha'..."
"Ya think so, huh...?"
"I know so. 'N I'll show ya later..."
"I'm lookin' forward to it."
"You should be."
Later that night, at camp...
"How 'bout some music, Ed... There ain't no one nowheres nearby tha' we'd be botherin'..."
"Depends wha' yer gonna put on..."
"Ain't got what I wanna put on... So's I'm jus' gonna hafta sing it a capella-like..."
"Why 'xactly d'ya bother ta ask...?"
"'S the polite thing ta do."
"Dumbass."
"... Here goes... WHY DO BIRDS SUDDENLY APPEAR... EV'RY TIME ED IS NEAR...? 'CAUSE JUS' LIKE MEEEE... THEY WANNA BEEE... CLOSE TO YOUUU... WHOAOAOAOA... CLOSE TO YOUUUUUU...."
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Eb0zuptmTQE
"Ya know ya got them coyotes howlin'..."
"They're jus' joinin' in... On accounta they wanna be close ta ya too... WHOAOAOAOA...CLOSE TO YOUUUUU..."
"Well I may be joinin' in with them coyotes too if'n ya don't quit tha' singin'... 'S bad 'nough when ya got music ta drown ya out some... but when ya don't... Damn..."
"Yer gonna be howlin' alrigh'... But not on accounta my singin'..."
"That a promise...?"
"It sure as hell is."
"Well then... Why dontcha stop tha' caterwaulin' 'n c'mon over here..."
"Ya don't wanna watch me strut my stuff first...?"
"Ferget the struttin'... 'n jus' bring yer stuff on over here..."
"You got it, Ed..."
"I sure as hell do... C'mere, Hank..."
A little while later...
"Now that's what I'm talkin' about... WHOAOAOAOA... CLOSE TO YOUUUUUU...."
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Eb0zuptmTQE
"Dumbass."
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