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Ed and Hank
What's Love got ta do with it...?
Heads up: Ed finds out his pa died. This took place just over a month ago.
Disclaimer: Hank told their story to Annie Proulx. Jack and Ennis are all hers. Ed and Hank belong only to each other. Rating: G $$: Nope.
Links to all previous posts are here:
http://myeyesaintblue.livejournal.com/10082.html
What's Love got ta do with it...?
thwak, thwak, thwak, thwak, thwak, thwak, thwak...
"Hey, Ed...! Ed...!! I just heard... tha' Supreme Court... they jus' voted down tha' Defense of Marriage Act!! I weren't sure they were gonna 'cause a wha' they did ta voter's rights... shredded the hell outta 'em... Which ain't no good at all... But... we're a l'il bit more equal ta day than we were yesterday! And Prop 8 in California... That's gonna be history too!! WHOOO HOOOO!!!"
"Yeah. Well. Maybe I'll feel more equal when it happens here... N tha' still ain't likely ta happen no time soon. So's 'til then it don't make no dif'rence ta us."
thwak, thwak, thwak, thwak...
"Yeah. It does. It's a huge step in the right direction... 'N it could mean a out-a-state weddin' in our future... 'cause even though Utah won't recognize it... once the feds start sortin' things out... Even if'n we get hitched 'n another state we should be able ta get the same federal benefits here that any other married couple gets... or least-wise some of 'em... 'N that should lead ta more states recognizin' it... 'N that should lead ta the Supreme Court... or Congress... makin' it the law a the land in all fifty states... includin' this here crazy one...!"
"Well... I'll believe it when I see it. 'N wha' the hell took you so long...? Thought you were righ' behind me... I guess yer leavin' me ta build this whole damn addition by myself, huh...?"
thwak, thwak, thwak...
"Jeez, Ed... It's still damn good news... Amazin' news, in fact... 'N ya know damn well I been holdin' up my end a things out here... So's... why dontcha put the nail gun down 'n tell me 'xactly wha' bug is up yer butt...?"
"Sorry, Hank... It's just... I gotta take off fer a couple a days... 'n I don't 'xactly wanna... I got a call from the director a tha' nursin' home... My pa died..."
"Jeez, Ed..."
"Least-wise takin' care a wha' needs takin' care a shouldn't take me more'n a day or two... Wha' with the house sold 'n him havin' no money left long ago... alls that's left is ta put him in the ground... If'n it'll have him that is..."
"I'll go with ya... I'll talk ta Bill 'n make sure he can cover fer us..."
"If'n ya don't mind... I'd rather jus' go on my own."
"You sure, Ed...?"
"Yeah, I'm sure."
"Didya call Ruth...?"
"Yeah. I called her."
"Is she gonna be there...?"
"No. She ain't. 'N the only reason I'm goin' is so's she don't have to... 'S the least I can do fer her."
"Ya know, Ed... the last time Ruth was here she told me a diff'rent story than you ever told me... She told me wha' you did fer her when you two were kids... tha' when yer folks started after her you'd do somethin' real delib'rate-like so's they'd go after you 'n ferget 'bout her... Even though you were younger 'n smaller... ya'd sacrifice yerself ta protect her..."
"Hell... She told ya tha' before... 'N she were exaggeratin'... 'N it ain't like they didn't still go after her... 'N I sure as hell shoulda done more... 'n I didn't..."
"You were justa l'il kid, Ed... 'N Ruth said on accounta you wha' she went through weren't near as much as it coulda been."
"Jeez, Hank... Why the hell were you discussin' all this with Ruth anyways...? Ya didn't got no bus'ness doin' tha'..."
"Yeah. I did. Last time she were here she felt like talkin' 'bout it... 'n she knew damn well you wouldn' wanna... so's she came ta me... 'n I jus' listened..."
"Great. Jus' great."
"'N ya know what else...?"
"No. I don't know. 'N I don't care ta know."
"I'm goin' with ya... Whether ya want me to or not."
"Guess I cain't stop ya. But... no camera."
"I weren't plannin' on takin' pictures, Ed."
"'N we're jus' goin' straight there 'n back... No stoppin' nowheres else."
"Weren't 'xactly plannin' on turnin' it inta a vacation neither..."
"'N no music... 'cept what I want on... 'N no talkin' 'bout nothin' I don't wanna talk about."
"Well... Them two won't be easy fer me... But you got it, Ed."
A couple of days later...
"Well... that's over 'n done with... So's let's get outta here, Hank."
"Sure seems kinda odd-like... Puttin' someone in the ground 'n jus' walkin' away..."
"Ya want me ta say somethin'...? Fine. I'll say somethin'... Here lies my pa... who weren't no kinda pa ta me... Or ta Ruth... He were a mean ol' bastard wha' used religion ta do no good... He lived one helluva long time... which goes a long way ta prove only the good die young... 'N here's hopin' tha' grave were dug deep 'nough so's he cain't get back out."
"Uh... You okay, Ed...?"
"Yeah. I'm okay. Made my peace with my crazy folks a long time ago... Like as not they weren't jus' mean... they were sick... ya know... mental-ill-like... But there weren't no help fer 'em... 'N even if'n there woulda been they wouldna thought they needed it... 'N... 'course I wish things woulda been diff'rent... but they weren't... So that's tha'."
"Well... Okay then... Guess we should get goin'..."
"Guess so."
A while later on the way home...
"Ya know... I'm kinda beat, Hank... How 'bout we call it a day 'n jus' find somewheres ta camp... 'S nice 'n cool up here at elevation... anywheres else is gonna be hot as hell... 'N we can get a early start 'n make it home by afternoon tomorrow..."
"S'okay with me, Ed."
And a little while after that...
"Nice spot."
"Sure is, Ed."
"Yawn... Damn... I'm more wore out than I thought..."
"'S bound ta take a toll on ya..."
"Yeah. Guess it all did... Dredgin' up a whole lotta mem'ries a stuff I'd rather ferget..."
"D'ya wanna talk 'bout it...?"
"Nope."
"Didn't think so."
"So's... 'S beautiful night... Instead a puttin' up the tent... how 'bout we jus' put a tarp down 'n put the sleepin' bag out here 'n sleep out under them stars 'n tha' big ol' moon...?"
"Sure, Ed... But... bein' up this high... we migh' still get some dew on us..."
"L'il dew never hurt no one."
"Always a first time."
"So's, Hank...?"
"Yeah...?"
"Ain't no one nowheres 'round... D'ya wanna put some music on...?"
"Ya want me ta put music on...? You sure about tha'...?"
"Yeah... I'm sure."
"Well... Uh... after a day like today... I just ain't real sure 'xactly what ta put on, Ed..."
"After a day like today think I need one a them dumbass sappy songs yers always playin'..."
"Sorry, Ed... I didn't bring nothin' on accounta you tellin' me not ta... Alls we got is whatever you brought..."
"Well, I'll be damned..."
"Wha'...?"
"Didn't think ya ever listened to a word a said."
"I listen ta ev'ry single word ya say... I jus' don't always do whatcha ask me to..."
"Dumbass."
"Ya want me ta put on somethin' you brought...?"
"Go ahead... 'N while yer lookin' I'll get tha' tarp 'n the sleepin' pad 'n sleepin' bag 'n pillows..."
"Sounds good."
A few minutes later...
"Found somethin' that I though' migh' do...Here..."
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-dqSmy30JcU
"Tha' weren't 'xactly what I had in mind..."
"Maybe it is... 'n you jus' don't know it."
"If'n ya ain't noticed... I ain't alone. I ain't blue. 'N I ain't troubled neither."
"Well... I figure there's a l'il Ed inside ya who maybe is... A young Ed who's havin' a hard time with this... An Ed who wanted real bad ta be able ta love his pa... 'n maybe still did love his pa... a l'il bit anyways... despite ev'rythin... An Ed who wanted desperate-like fer his pa ta love him too... more'n anythin' in this here world..."
"Tha' sounds like a whole lotta Eds... Don't figure there's 'nough room in here fer all of 'em."
"Yeah, yeah, kid around all ya want... But I know that's the way I felt about my pa... 'Course he didn' treat me near so's bad as yer pa treated you... Not even close..."
"Well... If'n them Eds exist... 'N I ain't sayin' they do... 'Cause they don't... They're sleepin'... 'cause it's way past their bedtime."
"Well then maybe we should wake 'em up."
"Nope. They need their beauty sleep... 'N they're all out like a buncha lights... Which is where I'd like ta be right about now."
"Okay... okay..."
"But tha' song's right 'bout one thing..."
"Yep. I'm the one who loves ya."
"'N ya sure do tag along... Hell... I ain't been able ta shake ya fer prit near fifty years..."
"You complainin'...?"
"Nope."
"I didn't think so."
"But... There is somethin' else the full-grown Ed would like ta say ta ya... serious-like."
"Wha'...?"
"Well... Not only ain't I complainin' 'bout ya taggin' along... I... uh... I jus' wanted ta say thanks fer comin', Hank... Sure 'preciated havin' ya there... 'n here... now... Despite the song ya jus' put on... 'N despite tryin' ta make me talk 'bout stuff I don't wanna talk about... or need ta talk about..."
"Couldna not come with ya, Ed... 'N couldna not tried ta make ya talk 'bout stuff ya don't wanna talk about..."
"'N... uh... yer folks... Wanna tell ya... They... uh... Well... they sure made up fer a lot... Yer ma 'specially... She were like the ma I never had... 'N even yer pa... even he had his moments..."
"Yeah. You were like the son he never had."
"Dumbass."
"I'm only half kiddin', Ed... 'S like you were the kinda son he always wanted... hard-workin'... 'n ranch-lovin'... 'n horse whisperin'... 'n not talkin' a blue streak like me... You were the perfect son fer him... all 'cept fer the gay part... 'N you made him willin' ta overlook that even... fer both a us... Hell... I never coulda done tha'..."
"Ya know he loved ya, Hank."
"Yeah. I know. In his way... Such as it was... 'N I didn't mind that he favored ya... Not most a the time anyways... In fact... sometimes I were glad he did... Made it a whole lot easier on me... 'N made it a whole lot easier fer us ta stay livin' there... which made us bein' together a whole lot easier too..."
"Yeah. Don't think I coulda done it withou' tha' place ta be."
"I know, Ed."
"So's... How 'bout we hit the hay...?"
"Sure... But..."
"Wha'...?"
"How 'xactly did we end up talkin' 'bout my pa... 'n not yers...?"
"Damned if I know."
"Yeah. Right."
"Don't got no idea whatcher talkin' 'bout."
"But..."
"Wha'...?"
"There's somethin' I'd like ta say ta you too, Ed..."
"Uh oh."
"Ya know... I used ta think... Just a l'il part a me did anyways... Tha'..."
"A crazy l'il Hank standin' on yer shoulder 'n whisperin' in yer ear, huh...?"
"Dumbass. Lemme finish, wouldya...?"
"Okay, okay... Crazy l'il Hank has the floor... or the ground more like."
"Anyways... Part a me used ta think tha' the reason ya wouldn' ever see yer pa... once ya found out he were alive... or let me meet him... were on accounta part a you were still ashamed of us... 'n who ya were... 'N thatcha didn' want yer pa ta know 'bout us on accounta tha'..."
"Dammit, Hank... Ya know damn well..."
"BUT... Now I know that ain't the reason... On accounta you standin' up in tha' courtroom... 'n in fron' a tha' judge 'n all of our friends... 'n changin' yer name ta half-mine... 'N then dancin' with me in fron' a our friends... 'N kissin' me in fron' of 'em too even... 'Course... ya didn' use no tongue... But I guess I can give ya a break on tha'..."
"Well... I'm glad ya fin'lly figured that out... Hell... I jus' didn' want nothin' ta do with my pa... 'N I didn' want him havin' nothin' ta do with us... 'N yeah... I had one helluva hard time with bein' who I am... But... Ya know damn well Iris is a big part a our lives... 'N ya know Ruth... 'n her husband... 'N Nora 'n her husband even... So's all tha' shoulda tipped ya off too..."
"I know... I know... I jus' thought maybe a l'il part a ya still cared whatcher pa thought a ya..."
"Well there ain't no such Ed residin' in here... 'N righ' now I'm just relieved it's all over 'n done with 'n I don't gotta deal with none of it no more. So's... How 'bout we quit talkin' 'bout it... 'n ya lay yerself down over here with me... 'N let's do us some star-gazin'... Or moon-gazin' more like... 'Cause it's a real big ol' moon tonigh'..."
"Okay, Ed... But... If'n ya feel like talkin'... 'bout anythin'... that's what I'm here fer..."
"'N here I thought it was jus' fer all the sex."
"Well, tha' too... But I could prob'bly manage ta listen to ya... fer a l'il while anyways... 'cause... remember me...? I'm the one... who loves ya..."
"Cain't hardly ferget."
"Well, ya damn well better not."
"'N you'd better not neither."
"Never would."
"Good."
A few minutes later...
"Ya know somethin', Hank... Tha' were a big deal..."
"Huh...? Wha' were a big deal, Ed...?"
"Tha' Defense a Marriage thing... Bein' repealed-like... 'N prop 8 too... In California..."
"Sure as hell were one helluva big deal."
"'N... We're gonna make it... 'Til it's legal-like here... I know we're gonna be around fer it, Hank."
"Well... Ya know wha' my ma woulda said if'n she'd a heard ya say somethin' temptin' fate like tha'... 'Quick... Knock on wood three times... With yer right hand'..."
"Okay, Okay..." knock, knock, knock
"Ow...! Think yer real funny, huh...?"
"Sorry, Hank... But yer skull's the closest thing ta wood I could find."
"I guess ya jus' didn't notice tha' big ol' log righ' there..."
"Cain't say as I did."
"Well... I'd make another 'wood' joke 'bout m'self... But it don't seem appropriate... considerin' the circumstances of the day..."
"Yeah... Well... Life is fer the livin'..."
"Ya mean ya wanna...?"
"Nope. Too wore out. But you can make whatever jokes ya wanna make... So's long as ya jus' tell 'em to yerself real quiet-like... 'cause I'm goin' ta sleep..."
"How 'bout I jus' save it fer tomorrow mornin'...?"
"'N how 'bout I try 'n remember ta laugh."
"Thanks. I 'preciate it."
"Yer welcome."
"G'night, Ed."
"G'night, Hank."
The next morning, on the road home...
"Wait a minute there, Ed... Go back ta that oldies station... I thought I heard the beginnin' a somethin'..."
"Rather listen ta country music."
"Nevermind... I'll do it... Yep... Here we are... Now this here's the song I'd put on fer all them li'l Eds who don't reside inside ya..."
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AwXvXyQsTfw
"Dumbass."
"'Ooh-ooh li'l Eds... Things are gonna get easier... Ooh-ooh child things'll get briiighter'..."
"Well... Things are how they should be... You 'singin''... 'n I use tha' term loosely... some dumbass song ta me... 'n us headin' home..."
"'...Ooh-ooh child... things'll get briiighter... Some day... yeah... we'll put it together 'n we'll get it undone... Some day when yer head is much liiighter... Some day... yeah... we'll walk in the rays of a beautiful sun... Some day... when the world is much briiighter'..."
"Hey, Hank... You got anythin' in particular you gotta do tomorrow...?"
"Only the stuff tha' slave-driver I work with'll try'n make me do."
"Well... I was thinkin'... Maybe... We could... uh... take another day or two off... or three maybe... 'n..."
"Ya wanna walk in the rays of a beautiful sun with me, Ed...?"
"Somethin' like tha'."
"I think I could pencil that in... That is if'n tha' slave-drivin' fella don't mind..."
"I think I can fix it with him."
"It's a date then... 'Some day... yeah... we'll put it together 'n we'll get it undone.... Some daaaay... liiighter... Some day, yeah... We'll walk in the rays of a beautiful sun... maybe tomorrow even... Some daaaay... briiighter.... Lalalalalalala... Lalalalalala...."
"I gotta admit... It sure as hell did get brighter... More'n I ever woulda thought poss'ble when I were a kid... 'n later too... Sure glad I stuck around ta see it."
"Yeah. I sure am glad ya stuck around too... 'specially on accounta how close ya came ta checkin' outta this here world permanent-like..."
"Definitely don't wanna talk 'bout that, Hank."
"But... Ya know... this here song makes me think about them "It gets better" videos... Remember I showed ya some of 'em...? 'N... well... a lot a gay kids out there migh' be goin' through real hard times... 'n maybe some of 'em are thinkin' 'bout checkin' outta this here world too... 'N... I know ya said ya didn't wanna do one a them videos... But... I was thinkin' maybe ya'd reconsider... Maybe..."
"Yeah. I'll do one with ya, Hank."
"Yer kiddin'...?"
"No. I ain't kiddin'. But... you gotta do all the talkin'.... Or most of it anyways... 'N I wanna know 'xactly whatcher gonna say ahead a time so's I ain't s'prised none..."
"No problem, Ed... I'll be the Penn ta yer Teller... The Groucho ta yer Harpo... The Jane ta yer Tarzan even... Hey... tha' way ya wouldn't hafta stay completely quiet-like... You could jus' say somethin' like... 'It get better. Ed happy. Ed love Hank.'... 'N after tha' jus' throw in a grunt or two ev'ry now 'n again..."
"Dumbass. 'N it's gotta be under our real first names... Not Ed 'n Hank... So's no one knows fer sure 'bout who we are..."
"Nobody cares 'bout that anyways, Ed... But... you got it."
"Good. 'N ya can't put it up nowheres withou' me givin' the say-so."
"I ain't never put nothin' up nowheres withou' you givin' me the say-so... Tha'd be downrigh' dangerous-like."
"Dumbass."
"I'm gonna tell folks tha'... not only does it get way better in gen'ral... but... when ya find the righ' person fer ya... it gets better 'n better all the time."
"Cain't argue with tha'... 'Course... ya still gotta find a way ta weather the real bad times..."
"'N don't ferget the mildly annoyin' times too."
"'N the lean times."
"'N the 'damn we gotta work way too hard' times."
"'N the times ya run outta beer."
"'N the times ya each wanna watch somethin' diff'rent on TV."
"'N the times someone sleeps in when they're s'posed ta be helpin' ya out."
"'N the times someone wakes ya up at the crack a dawn fer no good reason when ya jus' wanna sleep in."
"'N the times someone drinks the last cup a coffee withou' makin' more."
"That was on accounta I was still sleepin' when I drank it at half-past the crack a dawn 'n didn't notice."
"It was nearly ten o'clock in the damn mornin'..."
"Like I said, half past the crack a dawn... Hey... Ya know, Ed... If'n we'd a been video recordin' this we'd be done already."
"Sure. If ya wanna scare the hell outta them kids who migh' watch... 'N I don't think that's the point of it."
"Good point."
"I love yer dumb ass, Hank."
"I love yers too, Ed."
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