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Ed and Hank
Just horsin' around...
**NOTE: This is what Hank was going to post in late December - but then he got interrupted by some really wonderful news so he posted about that first. So this post is very late, but here it is anyways. And here's hoping it makes you all smile a week after a very sad anniversary.
Disclaimer: Hank told their story to Annie Proulx. Jack and Ennis are all hers. Ed and Hank belong only to each other. Rating: G $$: Nope.
Links to all previous posts are here:
http://myeyesaintblue.livejournal.com/10082.html
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Just horsin' around...
"Wha' the hell is all that, Ed...?"
"Toys... fer them tots... You know... them ones who don't get no toys fer Christmas otherwise..."
"Dammit, Ed... I thought we were gonna go together..."
"Yeah... Well... I had time ta day when I were in town... 'N stuff were already gettin' picked over... I'll still go with ya when you go... But we better go damn soon..."
"Hey... I thought I were buyin' the toys fer girls this year..."
"Well... The girls' stuff were gettin' picked over the quickest... So's I did it... Didn't want there ta be justa buncha pink crap left... 'N I got some stuff that either boys or girls could play with..."
"Lemme see what all ya got..."
"Don't jus' dump it all, Hank..."
"I'm not... I'm stackin' it real nice so's I can take a picture of it all..."
"D'ya gotta take pictures a ev'rythin'...?"
"Yep. Leastwise whatever you'll let me take pictures of..."
"Why do I even ask..."
"Hey... I think I may be pickin' up on a theme here... It's real subtle-like... But... I'd say it involves... lemme see... it's on the tip a my tongue... Some kinda animal I ain't real familiar with..."
"Ya'd prob'bly be more familiar with 'em if'n ya'd work with me once in a while..."
"Jeez, Ed... Looks like you mighta spent all the money fer the both a us..."
"Woulda bought more but I got the last of a few a them things..."
"Gotta admit... It's nice ta know there's one thing in this world that'll make ya open up tha' wallet a yers withou' bitchin' 'n moanin'... Kids."
"Yeah. Well... Cain't stand the thought a kids withou' no toys. Or warm coats. Or 'nough food. Or anythin' else."
"I know, Ed."
"Sure wish they woulda had more horse stuff left... 'Specially tha' big ol' stuffed horse... Woulda bought a bunch more a him if'n I coulda..."
"Think she's a her... Lemme look... Yep. Definite-like a 'her'..."
"Dumbass."
"So's... I think I'm seein' a couple a things tha' don't quite fit tha' theme a yers... Like tha' there castle..."
"Then ya didn' look close enough."
"Sure 'nough... That odd-lookin' thing there jus' migh be a horse..."
"It ain't that odd lookin'."
"But... what about this here doll... She don't got nothin' ta do with horses... 'N I'd say that's most definitely the color pink tha' she's dressed in..."
"She's got long pants on least-wise... so's she can ride a horse... Hell... Most a them dolls out there in them stores are near naked."
"'N wha' the hell are these things anyways...?"
"L'il carryin' bags... with l'il horses in 'em."
"I can see that... So's... I guess what I shoulda asked is 'Why'?"
"Damned if I know. But I got the last a them too."
"'N I s'pose ya bought this l'il fella on accounta he's wearin' overalls."
"Yep. Didn't have no ranchers wearin' jeans... so's I had ta settle fer a farmer in overalls."
"Ya know, Ed... I think ya missed yer real callin' in life..."
"'N wha' migh' tha' be...?"
"Bein' Santa Claus... 'Course we'd hafta fatten ya up a whole helluva lot."
"Dumbass."
"So's... Uh... Ed...?"
"Uh oh."
"Why the hell are ya usin' tha' tone a voice...?"
"'Cause I can tell from yer tone a voice that yer about ta ask me a question I ain't gonna wanna answer."
"Never mind then."
"Go ahead... Ask me... I'll brace m'self... That is... so's long as it don't got nothin' ta do with my childhood... or my folks... I've done said all I'm ever gonna on them particular subjects."
"Well... Ya like buyin' stuff fer kids so much... 'N I know ya loved raisin' Iris... So's... If'n we coulda... wouldya have wanted ta adopt a kid...? Together, I mean... You 'n me..."
"Never woulda been able to back then... 'N we're too old now anyways... So's there's no point in discussin' it."
"Well... I think we woulda been real good dads."
"Yeah. Well... You woulda spoiled 'em rotten... So's tha' means I woulda had ta be the one disciplin' them..."
"The way you spoiled the hell outta Iris...? 'N still do... Ha... That I'd like ta see..."
"Yeah. Well... Hell... I guess we woulda raised us some spoiled rotten kids..."
"So's... Ya said 'kids'... Does tha' mean ya woulda wanted more'n one...?"
"Cut it out, Hank... It don't matter 'cause it never coulda happened... On accounta the times... 'n on accounta who I were back then... 'N there sure as hell ain't no changin' none a tha' now."
"Nice ta know ya woulda wanted to, though."
"Never said tha'."
"I know ya woulda."
"Then why the hell didya bother askin' me ta begin with...?"
"Jus' woulda been nice ta hear ya say it."
"Fine. If'n the times weren't wha' they were 'n I weren't who I were then I woulda if'n we coulda but I were who I were 'n the times were wha' they were so's we wouldna 'cause we couldna."
"Good 'nough fer me."
"Dumbass."
"So's... Wha'd ya bring me, Mr. Edward Smith-Jones-Claus...?"
"Nothin'."
"Figures."
"'Course... ya didn' even notice what I left fer ya before I went ta town..."
"Wha'...? Where...?"
"There..."
"Ya got me trucks ta go with tha' yellow one I gotcha...?"
"You should be a detective."
"Where'd ya get 'em, Ed...? I thought I got the last one with tha' yellow one..."
"Got 'em at the hardware store. Where'd you get the yellow one...?"
"At tha' truck stop north a town. Melvin said he didn' think they were gettin' no more in..."
"Yeah... All they had at the hardware store were them three l'il trucks... But I figure now we got ourselves a real good start on an indoor 'truck farm'.
"We sure do."
"'Course these l'il ones are in a helluva lot better shape than the ones in our outdoor truck farm..."
"Hey... Wait a sec..."
"What...?"
"Them trucks should be haulin' somethin'... Here... How's tha'...? They're haulin' them toys ya got back ta town..."
"Dumbass."
"Wait a minute, Ed... Why'd ya bother haulin' all them toys out here ta begin with...? Why didn' ya jus' drop 'em off in one a them boxes fer 'em...?"
"Well... I... uh... the box were purty small at tha' ranch store... So's..."
"Small, huh...?"
"Yeah."
"So's... Lemme guess... Ya filled tha' box 'n ya jus' brought the toys tha' wouldn' fit home..."
"I did not. I jus' put a few things in... so as not ta fill it... Figured we'd spread the rest out 'tween a few other places..."
"Dammit, Ed... Ya know damn well money don't grow on trees... 'N even if'n it did there ain't hardly no trees 'round here at all anyways... Hell... we cain't afford ta be spendin' all tha' money on a bunch a lousy kids... If'n they want toys they can jus' go out 'n work fer 'em.... Or build 'em themselves... They got two hands... Most of 'em do anyways..."
"Think yer funny, dontcha...?."
"Jus' wanted ta see what it felt like... bein' the one complainin' 'bout money bein' spent fer a change..."
"Dumbass."
"Hey... Now I gotta find somethin' fer them littler trucks too... I know... Hold on a sec... I'll be righ' back..."
A minute later...
"Here..."
"Where the hell didya get them tiny bows...?"
"Bought 'em when I bought tha' big one that's on the picture... I were gonna make fun of our packages fer our holiday greetin's this year."
"Wha' the hell are ya talkin' about...?"
"Here... I'll show ya..."
"Dumbass."
"Course... tha' don't look quite righ' ta me..."
"Ya think...?"
"There... That's better."
"Well... Ya got it half-way fixed... Here... I'll fix it the rest a the way..."
"Ya think so, huh...?"
"Yep."
"How 'bout I put tha' big ol' red bow where it really belongs... Stand still, Ed... It don't wanna stick ta yer jeans..."
"Dumbass."
"Bet it'll stick ta yer belt buckle... There... got it... Now there's somethin' I'm lookin' forward to unwrappin'..."
"Too bad. Yer gonna hafta save it 'til Christmas."
"No way in hell is that gonna happen."
"'Course... it won't 'xactly be much of a s'prise fer ya..."
"That ain't true, Ed... Even though we been together fer so damn long... I'm still s'prised ev'ry single time... Hell... I'm still s'prised tha' yer here with me... still s'prised ev'ry single time I get ta go ta sleep next ta ya... 'n wake up next ta ya... 'n eat breakfast, lunch 'n dinner with ya... 'n don't ferget them coffee breaks..."
"Cut it out, Hank."
"I cain't, Ed... Yer the gift tha' jus' keeps on givin'... 'n givin' some more... 'n then some more after tha'... 'N then when I least 'xpect it... ya give even more... 'n when I think ya cain't..."
"Hank...!"
"Wha...?"
"C'mere... I wanna give ya somethin'..."
"See...? That's 'xactly what I were talkin' about..."
"C'mere, dumbass..."
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VpcoXnB5uRE
Greetin's of the Season...
And Best Wishes for the New Year!
From Ed and Hank
And Bill and Betty
(Yep. They're back together. Official-like.)
And Edthedog and Hankthedog and Billthedog
And Iristhecat
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