(no subject)
Ed and Hank
Picture this... 'n that...
Disclaimer: Hank told their story to Annie Proulx. Jack and Ennis are all hers. Ed and Hank belong only to each other. Rating: G $$: Nope.
Links to all previous posts are here:
http://myeyesaintblue.livejournal.com/10082.html
Slam...
"Hey, Hank... Where ya at...? Ya wanna cup a coffee...? I'm gonna pour m'self one..."
"Hey, Ed... C'mere 'n look at the picture I found in an old box when I were cleanin' out the attic this mornin'... Ain't never seen it before... 'n I ain't sure where it came from... but I think it's real purty... Ain't a print neither... 'S a real watercolor... not faded much even... 'n framed with real ol' barn wood... I hung it by tha' statue a Bill... Whaddya think...?"
"......sigh......"
"Don'tcha like it...?"
"It ain't that... It's jus'... Well... Hell."
"I take it you migh' jus' know somethin' 'bout it...?"
"Maybe."
"You wanna tell me 'bout it, Ed..?"
"Not especially."
"Ya know it'll drive me nuts if'n ya don't."
"Don't take much ta do tha'."
"True. But is tha' really somethin' ya wanna listen to... me comin' up with one theory after another about it...? Hell... I'm already workin' on a theory... one involvin' you 'n an ex-lover ya never told me about..."
"Dumbass."
"'N that's the barn ya used fer yer secret assignations... 'n he painted tha' picture of it fer ya after ya left him fer me 'n broke his heart... 'n ya've had it hid in the attic ever since while ya pine away fer him... 'n regret pickin' me..."
"Dumbass."
"'Course... Now that I know about him... I'm gonna hafta hunt him down 'n kill him..."
"Dumbass."
"I can come up with more... Ya wanna hear 'em...? Or would ya prefer ta jus' tell me about it now 'n get it over with quick-like...?"
"Okay, okay... I'll tell ya... But... can I least-wise pour m'self a cup a coffee first...?"
"How 'bout you sit yerself down at the table 'n I'll pour it fer ya... While you start talkin'..."
"Well... Yer gonna be disappointed... on accounta there ain't much ta tell... No assignations or whatnot... I found tha' picture in the attic when we were cleanin' out my folks place... 'N I knew right away tha' were the barn on my ma's folks' place... but I didn' know who painted it..."
"How come ya never showed it ta me...?"
"Well... after I got it back here I called Ruth ta see if'n she wanted it... seein' as it were about the only thing in that house tha' weren't garbage... 'N... well... she didn't want it... but she told me it were our ma who painted it... before she got hitched 'n left home... Our grandma had showed it ta Ruth 'n told her 'bout it way back when... 'N then... well... I didn't really wanna give it away... on accounta my grandma 'n grandpa were real nice ta me... the couple a times I seen 'em anyways... 'n bein' at their place were the only good times I remember... 'specially playin' in 'n around tha' barn... But... I didn't really wanna keep it neither... seein' as how it were my crazy ma who painted it... So's... I jus' put it in the attic... figurin' I wouldn' never have ta do nothin' with it one way or the other... That is 'til you went it pulled it out 'n hung it on the damn wall..."
"Jeez, Ed..."
"Thing is... I cain't even imagine the ma I knew paintin' a nice picture like tha'... Makes me wonder wha' the hell happened ta turn her inta wha' she turned inta... If'n she went mental-ill-like... or if'n my pa brow-beat her inta all tha' religious crap 'n I never knew it... or if'n she went willin'-like..."
"Sorry I brought it down, Ed... I didn't know it were from yer folks' house..."
"I know ya didn't know."
"Course... I woulda knowed if'n you had jus' told me back when ya found it..."
"Didn' think I had ta... Never thought in a million years ya'd ever get yer ass up there 'n clean out the damn attic..."
"It is real suprisin', ain't it...? 'N I promise ta never do no more work 'round here at all... tha' way I won't risk discoverin' no more of yer deep, dark secrets tha' ya got stashed who knows where..."
"Dumbass."
"But... uh... speakin' a more a them deep, dark secrets a yers..."
"Ya found the other one 'n brought tha' down too...?"
"Yep. 'S right here..."
"Well... I'd guess you can guess wha' that is..."
"Yer crazy folks weddin' picture...?"
"Yep."
"I thought it were just some relatives of my folks or somethin'..."
"Least-wise ya didn' hang that one on the wall."
"You ever look real close-like at this picture, Ed...?"
"Nope."
"They sure don't look too happy ta be gettin' hitched... 'specially yer ma..."
"Guess not... Kinda reminds me a me 'n Nora's weddin' day... Neither of us were too happy 'bout tha' neither."
"D'ya think yer ma's folks... uh... mighta... well... forced... fer lack of a better word... yer ma inta marryin' yer pa... maybe?"
"I dunno... The way her folks treated me 'n Nora so good... I sure cain't imagine them treatin' her bad... but I were real young... 'n like I said... I only seen 'em them couple a times... so's I really wouldna knowed nothin' 'bout nothin' like tha'..."
"Maybe they didn' think of it as treatin' her bad... Back then a whole lotta folks used ta marry folks they didn't know real well... or didn't love... or even like... fer tha' matter..."
"True 'nough. But... I guess we'll never know the whole story... so's there ain't no use speculatin' on it..."
"Speak fer yerself."
"Dumbass."
"Hey... Maybe yer pa were gay... 'n couldn' accept it 'bout hisself... 'cause his world wouldn' let him... 'n that's why yer ma weren't happy... 'n that's why they both became crazy bible thumpers who were mean ta ev'ryone 'round 'em..."
"Coulda sworn someone said there weren't no use speculatin' on wha' we don't know nothin' about."
"Don't lookin' at tha' picture make ya wonder justa l'il 'bout wha' went on 'n how they ended up how they did...?"
"Nope."
"Dumbass."
"Backatcha."
"So's... Ya want I should bring both them pictures back up ta the attic...?"
"Yeah... 'S a lot easier ta not make a decision 'bout 'em if'n they're outta sight."
"I'll do it righ' now..."
"Wait a minute... D'ya think Iris migh' want tha' barn picture..? I sure never had no family stuff ta give her... 'N Nora didn' have much ta give her... think she gave Iris her ma's ring or somethin'... but that's about it... 'N you 'n me don't got much like tha' neither... besides tha' quilt made of our shirts..."
"'N a thrivin' miniature truck farm... 'n them statues of us 'n Bill... 'n my ma's ceramic Christmas tree... 'n that ol' trailer we used ta live in out back... 'n..."
"Somehow I don't see Iris movin' that beat up ol' trailer ta Chicago."
"Good point. 'N yeah... I bet she would like tha' barn picture... 'specially if'n ya emphasize how nice them grandfolks were... 'n how much ya liked playin' in tha' barn when you were l'il... Jus' don't mention ya only saw 'em a couple a times..."
"I'll try 'n remember ta offer it to her next time she comes ta visit..."
"'N it'd be like a piece of 'out here' fer her ta have with her all the time..."
"Yeah... You say that about it to her."
"Will do. But... what about the weddin' picture...? Ya wanna give that one ta Iris too...?"
"Nah... Don't bring it back ta the attic neither... How 'bout ya jus' pitch that one in the garbage."
"You sure...?"
"Yep. Shoulda jus' done tha' from the get go... Don't know why I even kept it."
"You sure...? I mean... You okay 'n all...?"
"I'm fine, dumbass."
Later...
"C'mon, Cowboy... It's time ta get this here rodeo started..."
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mLXQltR7vUQ
"......HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA... snort... HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA... snort..."
"Dammit, Ed... It ain't supposed ta be funny... It's s'posed ta be sexy."
"Whoo hooo... Damn... Don't get me started laughin' again, Hank... Jeez, wait a sec... I gotta catch m' breath... Help me up... wouldya...?"
"Thought I'd bowl ya over... but not literal-like... I think I'm feelin' a might insulted here..."
"'N I think ya better get yerself... 'n yer ten gallon hat... 'n yer chaps... 'n yer boots... back ta the house real quick-like before Bill or Betty spot ya... Leave the rope though... I could use tha'..."
"Ya know damn well they went ta visit Betty's sister... 'n won't be back 'til late..."
"Whew. Thanks be fer tha'. They'd prob'bly both high tail it outta here fer good if'n they saw ya like tha'... So's... From the looks a certain... uh... things... seems like you migh' be justa migh' cold... snort..."
"Yeah... Well... I were counting on you warmin' me up."
"Guess I could manage tha'... Seein' as Bill 'n Betty ain't gonna be back fer a while..."
"Ain't sure I wantcha to now."
"Awww... C'mon, Hank... Ya jus' caught me by s'prise is all..."
"Jus' wanted ta give ya some more good barn mem'ries..."
"'N ya did... I ain't laughed that hard in a while."
"Dumbass."
"Ya really wanna throw that particular word around... considerin' the way yer ass is hangin' outta them chaps...? Snort..."
"Used ta be my ass hangin' outta anythin' would get ya goin right off... Sigh... Guess the honeymoon's over..."
"If ya keep runnin' around 'n that get up it will be... on accounta I'll be too busy laughin' ta manage much else."
"Thanks a lot. Hmmmph..."
"Snort... HAHAHAHAHAhahaha... gasp... I'm sorry, Hank... snort... You gettin' all indignant-like is jus' makin' it even worse..."
"Well... Yer leavin' me only one alternative here, Ed..."
"'N wha' migh' tha' be...?"
"Tacklin' ya...'n hog tyin' ya... 'N then havin' my way with ya..."
"Snort... I'd like ta see ya... Ooooomph...!"
"You were sayin'...?"
"Yer lucky ya tackled me onta this here stack a horse blankets instead a onta that hard floor."
"I'd say more like yer the lucky one."
"True 'nough. Didn' never 'xpect ta be married happy-like... much less to a dumbass like you..."
"Now... Hold still while I hog tie ya..."
"So's... How 'bout ya jus' ferget about the hog tyin'... 'n we have our way with each other...?"
"I dunno... I were really lookin' forward to it... But... Okay... I'll hog tie ya some other time..."
"So's... after tha' tackle... ya sure yer ribs..."
"You finish tha' sentence 'n the hog tyin' is back on..."
"Wha' sentence...? I didn' say nothin'..."
"That's more like it... Now, c'mere, dumbass..."
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