(no subject)
Ed and Hank
December 23, 2014 - Year 1...
Plus belated holiday and New Year's wishes, (at the end of the post)
Disclaimer: Hank told their story to Annie Proulx. Jack and Ennis are all hers. Ed and Hank belong only to each other. Rating: G $$: Nope.
Links to all previous posts are here:
http://myeyesaintblue.livejournal.com/10082.html
.
"Yer just in time, Ed... Grab yerself a cup a coffee 'n sit yerself down... I made us some Happy-fer-real-'n-fer-legal-like-Annivers'ry pancakes..."
"Didn' expect tha'... Thanks, Hank..."
"Here ya go..."
"Uh... Hank..."
"Yeah...?"
"Think ya mighta fergot somethin'..."
"Lessee... butter, syrup... heated in them l'il pitchers my ma always used, just like ya like... forks, knives, coffee... in our fav'rite mugs that Iris gave us, just like ya like... plates, pancakes... Nope. I didn' ferget nothin'."
"I mean... the pancakes... I think ya fergot somethin' when ya made up tha' batter..."
"Lemme double check this here recipe... Hmmm... a cup a flour... check... We were out, so's I borrowed some from Betty... She just had tha' wholewheat 'white' flour... but she said it'd work fine... Then a l'il salt... l'il sugar... check, check... three eggs... 'n a cup 'n a half a milk... Milk had gone bad... so's I had ta get tha' from Betty too... She just had that almond milk... but she said tha' should work fine too... 'N I threw in some almond extract ta cover up the taste of that almond milk just in case we didn' like it... Don't know why the hell we even have tha'... Must be damn old... Assume it don't go bad... Hope not anyways..."
"Well, that's two too many eggs 'n waaay too much milk... 'N it's gotta be regular milk... Not almond milk... whatever the hell that is... Or better yet, buttermilk... 'n ya fergot the bakin' powder... 'N..."
"Used a blender ta mix it all up too."
"Dammit, Hank... Ya know damn well that's pancake sacrilege... Yer only s'posed ta mix the batter just enough... not too much... 'N sure as hell not with a damn blender..."
"Recipe said it'd be okay ta use a blender..."
"Don't know where the hell ya got tha' recipe... But it's waaaay the hell off."
"Well... Let's give 'em a try anyways... Ain't likely ta kill us... 'N who knows... We jus' migh' like 'em..."
"Speak fer yerself."
"Okay. I'll go first.... Hey... these are purty damn good... Real good even..."
"Yer jus' sayin' tha' ta get me ta try 'em... 'n then yer gonna laugh yer ass off at me when I do 'n hafta spit 'em out."
"Fine. More fer me."
Sniff... sniff... "Well... Maybe just one l'il bite... ........."
"Well...?"
"Not too bad. I guess."
"'N by that I can only assume ya mean, 'Damn, these are some damn good pancakes'..."
"Well... I gotta admit... they are good..."
"Damn good."
"But they sure as hell ain't pancakes."
"Yeah they are... Norwegian pancakes... Betty gave me the recipe... She said it's from that Allrecipes site online... 'N they're s'posed ta look like this..."
"Still ain't pancakes."
"Think most pancakes were flatter 'fore they weren't. Lot of 'em still are even."
"Then they ain't pancakes."
"Maybe the ones you think of as pancakes are the ones that ain't pancakes."
"Dumbass."
"So's... Ya know why I made these ones...?"
"So's you could try 'n get my goat with 'em...?"
"Well, tha' were justa big ol' bonus... But... First annivers'ry present's s'posed to be paper... So's I thought I'd make ya some paper-thin pancakes."
"Think ya made 'em a l'il too thick then."
"Dumbass."
"Just sayin'..."
"So's... I guess ya won't be wantin' me ta make 'em fer ya again..."
"Didn' say tha'..."
"Didn' think ya would. Seein' as how ya ate 'em in record time."
"So's... D'ya think some other country's got some other kinda pancakes we don't know about...?"
"Ya've decided they're good 'nough ta deserve the coveted name a 'pancake', huh...?"
"Maybe."
"I'll keep a lookout."
"Good. 'N... I don't s'pose ya got any more of 'em hidin' somewheres...?"
"Nope. But next time I'll make us a batch 'n a half."
"Sounds good."
"So's... How d'ya wanna celebrate our annivers'ry, Ed...?"
"Thought we celebrated last night... I'm sure wore out 'nough anyways."
"You complainin'...?"
"Nope."
"Good. 'Cause tha' were jus' the pre-game show."
"Damn. Then I guess I'd better spend the day restin' up fer the main event."
"Good idea."
That afternoon...
"C'mere, Ed... I got us somethin' fer our annivers'ry..."
"Dammit, Hank. Ya know damn well we agreed ta jus' get each other tha' weddin' picture of us 'n tha' marriage certificate framed real nice..."
"Yeah, I know... But, Betty saved us a whole lot a money by helpin' us with it... N' I jus' couldn' pass this up... 'C'mon... 'S outside... 'round the other side a the house... It were a real good deal fer the size of it..."
"Outside...?"
"Yep."
"Ya didn' go buyin' a trailer withou' me agreein' to it... Didya...?"
"I refuse ta answer that on the grounds that it may incriminate me."
"Dammit, Hank."
"C'mon, Ed..."
A minute later...
"Dumbass."
"D'ya like it...?"
"Shoulda knowed... Since ya did it ta me before with tha' there l'il truck that's towin' it..."
"Yeah. Ya really shoulda knowed. But... d'ya like it...?"
"Yeah. I like it. Don't got much clearance though... Ain't gonna work on some a them roads we go down..."
"We can get a real one with plenty a clearance... 'N even if'n it don't got enough we can flip them axles ta give it more."
"Still don't want a big one though."
"Not big... Reasonable-sized."
"I got a feelin' yer reasonable-sized is a whole lot bigger than my reasonable-sized."
"C'mon, Ed... Ya know damn well I'm gonna wear ya down... 'N ya know damn well once we get it yer gonna end up lovin' it... So's ya might as well jus' give in sooner than later so's we can enjoy it sooner than later."
"'Well..."
"Well wha'...?"
"If'n we end up gettin' one..."
"Which we will."
"Well... I don't wanna turn inta them folks who jus' sit inside them things all the time... Still wanna cook outadoors weather permittin'... 'N sit out 'round a campfire... 'n whatnot..."
"We won't turn inta them folks, Ed... We'll still cook outadoors 'n sit 'round a campfire... 'N we'll still do all the 'whatnot' too..."
"'N... Well... part of the 'whatnot' is that... I'd still like ta take the tent along..."
"Why the hell wouldya still wanna go ta all the trouble a puttin' tha' thing up 'n then havin' ta take it down... maybe all wet 'n muddy or dusty or whatnot... when we won't need it no more...?"
"Well... I don't mind sleepin' in the truck now 'n again... when the weather's real bad or damn cold... or we're in one a them crowded so-called campgrounds that's real noisy-like... But... Not sleepin' in tha' tent no more... Don't like the thought a that at all..."
"But... it'll be a lot more comfortable-like in a trailer... 'N... Hell... S'kinda the whole point of it..."
"I know... 'N... That's why I don't want one... 'Cause... Well... Sleepin' in the tent with ya... Or jus' sleepin' out under the stars when the weather's particular-like nice... That's wha' campin' is all 'bout ta me... 'N it reminds me of the beginnin' of it all... With us... 'N I don't wanna give that up... Not ever..."
"Jeez, Ed... I think maybe ya jus' talked me outta gettin' a trailer..."
"Well... If'n ya really want one... We can get one... Provided we find one that's cheap 'nough... Used one maybe... Guess it would make it easier ta take all them dogs 'n tha' cat with us... 'N it'd be real nice ta have somewheres a l'il nicer than the tent or the back a the truck ta sit out rainstorms... 'n snowstorms... 'n windstorms 'n all the blowin' dust tha' goes with 'em... Though ifn' ya ask me the back a the truck ain't all tha' bad..."
"So's... Basic-like we're gonna buy us a trailer fer them dogs 'n tha' cat...?"
"Yep. Looks like it."
"I love yer dumb ass, Ed."
"I love yers too, Hank."
Later that evenin'...
"You ready fer the main event, Ed...?"
"Ready as I'll ever be."
"Well then... here... put this here jacket on 'n c'mon with me..."
"Wha' the hell are ya talkin' about...?"
"You'll see soon enough."
"Ya want me ta go outside with only a jacket 'n my boxers on...?"
"Nope. I'd suggest pullin' them boots a yers on too."
"Dumbass."
"C'mon, Ed..."
"Lemme guess... The real trailer ya bought 'n were hidin' from me is out there now...?"
"Nope."
A minute later...
"Jeez, Hank..."
"Ya like it...? Yer talkin' 'before bout bein' in tha' tent... 'n what it meant ta ya... 'n ta us... made me think a settin' it up all nice-like fer us fer our annivers'ry celebratin'... Seemed fittin'..."
"'S real nice, Hank... 'N it sure is fittin'..."
"Ain't s'posed ta get too cold tonight neither."
"Don't matter if it were. I'll be keepin' ya real warm no matter wha'."
"I'm countin' on it."
"C'mere, Hank..."
"Hold yer horses just one second..."
"Music...?"
"Yep. Got it all ready ta go... Here..."
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K3gsXkf45kM
"Fools rush in, huh...?"
"Yep. 'Course you didn't 'xactly rush inta nothin'..."
"Well... I sure as hell rushed inta the fallin' fer ya... Fell real quick 'n real hard..."
"Me too, Ed."
"'N I'd say us two fools did purty darn good."
"We sure as hell did... Eventual-like anyways..."
"Now... Where were we...?"
"Righ' where we belong."
"You said it, Hank."
"C'mere, Ed..."
Later that night...
"Where the hell you goin', Hank...?"
"Back ta the house... ta grab the camera... Get yer ass outta the tent, Ed... You gotta see this here moon..."
"Better be worth it."
"Says the man who don't wanna turn inta a stick in the mud sittin' in a trailer all day 'n all night..."
"Dumbass."
Two minutes later...
"Well... Is it worth it...?"
"Yep. Sure is somethin'."
"Sure is."
"Glad nature called ya outta the tent ta see it."
"Me too. S'like the moon's celebratin' our annivers'ry too."
"Or there's ice crystals up there in them cirrus clouds 'n tha' moonshine is lightin' 'em up."
"Nah... Tha' don't make a lick a sense."
"Yer righ'. Only logical explanation is tha' moon is celebratin' with us..."
"Well... Ya know... We really shoudn't disappoint the moon by jus' goin' back ta sleep..."
"Ain't sure I'm up ta more celebratin' just yet..."
"But I'd bet ya jus' migh' be up ta some slow dancin'..."
"Well... maybe I'm up for it... So's long as ya promise ta dance me back inta the tent after so's I can get some sleep..."
"I do."
"Dumbass."
"Here... This should do jus' fine..."
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DhgaqdCGq5c
"Got tha' from Betty too, huh...?"
"Yep. So's.. Can I have this dance, Mr. Edward Smith-Jones-fer-real-'n-fer-legal-like..?"
"I guess I can manage tha', Mr. Henry Smith-Jone-fer-real-like..."
"Happy first legal-like annivers'ry, Ed."
"Back atcha, Hank... 'N it only took us fifty years ta get here."
"Been one helluva trip."
"Sure has. Damn."
A couple of minutes later...
"What's botherin' ya, Hank...?"
"Nothin'."
"Don't go tellin' me 'nothin''... After all these years I damn well know when somethin's botherin' ya..."
"Well... That's what's botherin' me... Them fifty years... Seems like they've gone by in no time at all... 'N this here song's got it all wrong... more'n ferever ain't a long, long time at all... Feels more like no time at all..."
"I know, Hank."
"'N time... It jus' keeps speedin' up ev'ry damn year... Goes by in the blink of an eye... Feel like I cain't hardly keep up with it..."
"I know, Hank."
"Ya know yer 'I knows' ain't makin' me feel no better."
"Well... I come from a long-lived family... prob'bly on accounta how mean they all were... 'Cept fer my grandma... She were real nice... 'N I'll make it my job ta keep ya goin'..."
"I'd guess if'n anyone can you can... Once ya put yer mind to doin' a job ya don't let up 'til it's done..."
"Damn right I don't. 'N we'll try 'n make it least-wise to our 25th legal-like anniversary... fer starters anyways... Set ourselves a reasonable-like goal ta begin with..."
"Sounds more like my definition of reasonable-like."
"I bet we can make it."
"Well I sure as hell ain't gonna bet against us."
"So's... it's settled... See ya back here fer our 25th annivers'ry-fer-legal-like..."
"It's a date."
"Maybe we can get Bill 'n Betty ta set up the tent fer us..."
"Good idea."
"So's... prepare ta be dipped, Hank..."
"I don't think that's..."
"Uh oh... Damn... Ooomph..."
"Oooomph... a real good idea... Ground's so uneven..."
"Damn... Sorry Hank... Tripped on tha' there tree root... You okay...?"
"Yeah, I'm good."
"Think ya broke anythin'...?"
"Well... I broke yer fall... But, nothin' else."
"'N don't think I don't appreciate it."
"Yer welcome."
"Don't go gettin' up so fast... Make sure yer okay first..."
"I'm fine, Ed... But... I guess you ain't startin' tha' new job a yers 'til mornin'...?"
"First thing. I promise. 'N... I'm real sorry 'bout tha'... I were jus' tryin' ta make ya laugh..."
"Is purty funny..."
"I meant by dippin' ya... not fallin' on ya... Here... Gimme yer hand..."
"Thought maybe you were demonstratin' how hard ya fell fer me tha' first time..."
"Fell a helluva lot harder than tha'... Prob'bly woulda killed ya if'n I fell on ya as hard as I fell for ya..."
"Jeez, Ed..."
"Wha'..?"
"Shouldn't oughta say somethin' like tha' ta a fella who just got up off the ground... 'S liable ta knock him right off a his feet again..."
"Dumbass."
"I love ya, Ed... More 'n all the words I ever said could ever say."
"Damn. That's a helluva lotta words."
"Sure is."
"I love you too, Hank... More 'n all the words I never said could ever say."
"Damn. That's a helluva lotta words."
Sure is. So's... You up ta finishin' tha' dance, Hank...?"
"Ya think it's safe...?"
"How 'bout we live dangerous-like one last time...?"
"You got it, Ed."
"C'mere, Hank..."
----
------
-----
--
-
A very belated Happy Holidays
And wishes for good things
to come your way in the new year!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rOYYgoGa2p4
From Ed and Hank
And Bill and Betty and Iris
And Edthedog and Hankthedog
And Billthedog and Iris thecat!
---
-----
---
--