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Ed and Hank
Hungry like the wolf... the coyote... the Ed...
(Star gazin'... Part 2)
Disclaimer: Hank told their story to Annie Proulx. Jack and Ennis are all hers. Ed and Hank belong only to each other. Rating: G $$: Nope.
Links to all previous posts are here:
http://myeyesaintblue.livejournal.com/10082.html
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The next day...
"Nice view with breakfast, huh, Ed...?"
"View sure is purty... But I ain't sure this here counts as a real breakfast..."
"Well as soon as the tides stop bein' low, we'll get us some real good real breakfasts..."
"You bet yer ass we will."
A little while later...
"So's... you ready, Ed...?"
"Yep. Let's head down there 'n see if'n them sea stars are doin' good here too..."
A few minutes later...
"Looks like it's good news in these here tidepools too... Good amount a them sea stars around..."
"That's real good news."
"Sure is. Uh oh... Don't look now, Ed... But it looks like yer about ta make a new friend..."
"How the hell am I s'posed ta know wha' the hell yer talkin' about if'n I cain't look...?"
"Well... Ya'd better look 'cause it looks like tha' there coyote jus' can't help but come by ta say 'hello' to ya..."
"Looks ta me like he's more int'rested in gettin' hisself a real good real breakfast..."
"I guess he jus' can't resist a big ol' seafood buffet..."
"I'd settle fer pancakes."
"Now it looks like he's havin' a hard time decidin' where ta start..."
"I'd start with the pancakes. Finish with 'em too."
"Now there's a big s'prise."
"Tha' bird over there is havin' hisself a real good real breakfast too..."
"Looks like he don't wanna share..."
"I'd share my pancakes with ya... ifn' I had some."
"You real sure 'bout tha'...?"
"Well... You could order yer own anyways."
"That's what I figured."
"But... If'n I had the last pancakes on earth in fron' a me, I migh' give ya a bite."
"Ya might, huh...?"
"I'd definite-like considerate it. L'il one anyways."
"Thanks a lot."
"Yer welcome. Hey... Lookit tha' fella, Hank... I bet he's got hisself a real good real breakfast..."
"Them sea stars sure do look weird when they're eatin'."
"'N this here anemone's chowin' down too..."
"Looks like he's startin' with a salad."
"'N this guy's gonna have hisself a real good real crab breakfast if'n tha' li'l fella don't get the hell outta there..."
"From the looks of it I think it's too late fer him already..."
"Nature's a bitch."
"Sure is."
"'N this guy jus' pigged out on a big ol' crab... Well... compared ta him it's a big ol' crab anyways..."
"Bet he's regrettin' eatin' it all right about now..."
"Prob'bly. But... Damn... That's a real purty purple... or more like... bluish purple, maybe...?"
"Yep. You 'n yer magic sunglasses got it, Ed... Even with it all cloudy-like out..."
"'N lookit this guy... He's havin' hisself some escargot..."
"Righ' fancy."
"I'd settle fer some plain ol' pancakes."
"So's, Ed...?"
"Yeah...?"
"Since it's startin' ta rain... 'n we still got a few more days a low tides ahead... How 'bout we go get us some pancakes...?"
"Well... I guess if you wanna go get some pancakes you could talk me inta it... Maybe."
"C'mon, dumbass... Let's go find us a real good real breakfast..."
A little later...
"Don't know wha' the hell made ya think a goin' out fer pancakes, Hank... But it were a real good idea..."
"Dumbass."
"Here you go, fellas... I'll be righ' back with the coffee pot to give you a warm up."
"Thanks. Looks real good."
"Ya sure ya got enough there, Ed...?"
"'S a good start anyways."
"Dumbass."
(Note: Hank did not take the picture of those pancakes. Hank's camera battery died, so that photo is the closest to the pile of pancakes Ed was eating that Hank could find on the internet.)
Later that night..."
"So's you hungry, Ed...?"
"Nope. I'm good."
"Well... I'm hungry now... real hungry..."
"Ya wan' a snack...? I got a trail bar righ' here..."
"Nah... Think I'd more like a big ol' buffet..."
"Wha' the hell are you talkin' about...? It's 11:00 at nigh'..."
"An Ed buffet is what I'm talkin' about..."
"Dumbass."
"Got the music all picked out...Which reminds me... Remind me ta thank Betty a whole lot fer her fine selection a extra-sappy cds..."
"Remind me ta never ask her ta pack some cds fer ya again."
"Here it is..."
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pSQIpX8kJUo
"Dumbass."
"...I been meanin' ta tell yooou... I got this feelin' tha' wooon't subside... I look at you 'n I fantasiiize... yer mine toniiight... Now I've got you in my siiights... With these... Hungry eyes... One look at you 'n I cain't disguise... I got hungry eyes... I feel the magic between you 'n I..."
"So's, Hank..."
"Yeah...?"
"Speakin' as the buffet... might I suggest ya start with the nuts as an appetizer 'n go from there...?"
"Sounds like a real good meal plan... C'mere, Ed..."
A few days later, further south on the Oregon coast...
"Well... This here campsite is a whole lot better than the other one up north... 's got a whole lot more trees..."
"Yep. 'N ya cain't even see the neighbors."
"'N not too much sun or too much shade... Jus' righ'... Best one in the place even..."
"So's... ya wanna leave this real fine campsite 'n head ta the beach...?"
"You betcha."
"Well, c'mon then... Let's go..."
"Hold up... First I jus' wanna walk back ta tha' campsite we passed where them university researchers were.. 'n ask 'em 'bout them sea stars.. Ya wanna come...?"
"Nah... I'll jus' wait here... 'N don't you go botherin' 'em fer too long... they're prob'bly still workin'..."
"'Workin'...? Hmmm... Word sounds kinda familiar-like... but I jus' can't place the meanin' of it..."
"Dumbass."
"Be righ' back, Ed..."
A little while later...
"See...? I weren't gone long at all..."
"'Yeah, ya were."
"'N them researchers said It's a good sign tha' we're seein' all them sea stars... A real good sign... They said they seem ta be comin' back here... 'n some places further south in California... but not ev'rywheres yet... 'N they still ain't outta the woods yet here... so ta speak... That's wha' they were doin' durin' them low tides... countin' 'n measurin' sea stars..."
"Did they say what it were tha' were wipin' 'em out...?"
"They said 's called a densovirus... 's related ta parvoviruses... ya know... Like dogs get..."
"Damn."
"You can say that again."
"Do they think they mighta got it from folks bringin' their dogs along when they go ta them tide pools...?"
"Nah... They said it's a distant relative... not a close one... 'N they said it's somethin' that's around all the time... so's they don't know wha' caused it ta start wipin' 'em out so bad-like over the past couple a years... Wiped most of 'em out from Alaska ta Mexico... 'n ev'rywheres in between... Lotta dif'rent species of 'em too... They ain't sure if it's natural on accounta there were too many sea stars... or if'n it were on accounta the climate changin 'n the water gettin' warmer... 'n more acidic... or on accounta some kinda toxin... They're still lookin' inta all tha'...'n it's right-hard ta unravel..."
"Bet it weren't 'natural'..."
"Tha'd be my bet... Seein' as us humans are doin' a whole lot ta fuck up the climate 'n them oceans too..."
"You can say that again."
"I don't wanna."
"Don't blame ya.
"But... ya know what else...?"
"Cain't say as I do."
"I told 'em 'bout all them baby sea stars we saw further up the coast... 'n they said that's a real good sign too... But it'll be a real, real good sign if'n they manage ta grow up 'n don't start dyin' off theirselves... So's we gotta come back again fer next June's real low tides 'n see how they're doin'..."
"I wouldn' mind comin' back again in June..."
"'N then I asked 'em wha' the righ' word is fer them baby sea stars... 'N she said they call 'em 'babies' too... But official-like they're called 'recruits'..."
"Odd word fer 'em."
"Sure is."
"Well... right about now they can use all the recruits they can get."
"Sure can. But... it can't help but make me think a them religious nuts... that's wha' they think we do... 'recruit' kids ta be gay... Like no one's born gay 'n we gotta recruit other folks ta keep our numbers up... When it's them who are always tryin' ta recruit other folks ta hate us... Hell... Nobody's born hatin' us... they gotta be taught it... Buncha dumbasses...
"Ya know... I never hardly manage ta meet my recruitin' quota... Ya'd think they'd give more of a break ta us gay folks who live in rural areas... 'N 'nother break fer not bein' so's young as we used ta be... 'S so damn hard ta keep up with it... Hell... There's been a few times I were 'fraid they were gonna drum me outta bein' queer... Lucky fer me, you always made up fer my shortfall 'n saved my ass... 'N don't get me started on tha' basic trainin' ya put me through way back when... Damn... Tha' were a whole lot harder than I thought it were gonna be... 'Specially that obstacle course..."
"Tryin' ta make me laugh about it, huh...?"
"Is it workin'...?"
"Yeah. It's workin'."
"Good."
"'N ya know, Ed... Think I'm overdo fer givin' you a refresher course... So's... if'n you thought basic trainin' were hard... ... you jus' wait 'til tonigh'..."
"I'm lookin' forward to it."
"You should be."
A little later...
"Sure glad tha' big ol' music festival is long gone down here..."
"Ya wouldn' even know it ever happened from how empty this here beach is."
"Sure wouldn'. Uh oh... Ya spoke too soon, Ed... Beach ain't empty... Heads up...! Incomin'...!"
"Hey, boy... Who's a good dog...? Yer a good dog, aintcha...?"
"'N... Outgoin'... Guess he only had time fer a quick hello... but he jus' couldn' pass up the opportunity ta be around ya... if'n only fer a few seconds..."
"Dumbass."
A while later... Back at camp...
"Light in the trees sure is purty..."
"Sure is."
"Breeze is real nice too...."
"Sure is."
"Nice 'n cool..."
"Sure is."
"Smells real good too..."
"Sure does."
"'N the sound a leaves rustlin' in the wind... 'S real nice..."
"Sure is."
".........."
".........."
"ZZZZzzzzzZZZZ..."
"ZZZZZZZzzzzzz...."
Late that same afternoon...
"Glad we woke up before it got too late ta take 'nother walk on the beach..."
"Me too. I were out like a light."
"Me too. Tha' were one a the best naps ever."
"Cain't disagree with tha'."
"Cain't hardly believe this here beach is empty too..."
"Me neither. 'Specially on accounta it's right in town..."
"'S a damn mystery where all them tourists go... If'n they don't come fer the beaches... Wha' the hell are they here fer...?"
"Hey... look what's goin' on over yonder, Hank..."
"Wha'...? I don't see nothin'..."
"Up there... on tha' biggest sea stack on the beach... There's a young Osprey in tha' nest up there..."
"Yeah... I see him now..."
"'N mom 'n dad Osprey are in separate trees over yonder... 'N dad's got hisself a fish..."
"Think they're gonna feed him...?"
"Nope. If'n they were they woulda done it already... Bet tha' young one is afraid ta fly... 'n they're tryin' ta lure him outta tha' nest with food..."
"If tha' young Osprey's name is 'Ed' it should work real well."
"Sure as hell would. Wait... Yep... Lookit tha'... He's tryin' ta fly... Hold on... Make tha' she's tryin' ta fly... She's got tha' l'il brown patch on her front... 'N I ain't sure... But I think tha' makes him a her..."
"Wouldya lookit the size a them wings... Jeez... Them are sure gonna take some skill ta master..."
"Sure are."
Wait a sec... I think he's... I mean... she's... gonna do it, Ed..."
"Nope... Darn... She didn' quite make it this time... Don't blame her fer bein' scared... That's one helluva drop ta the ground from tha' nest..."
"Sure is."
"Bet she'll do it tomorrow."
"How 'bout we come back 'n see...?"
"It's a date."
Later on their way back up the beach...
"Damn... That is a real purty sunset."
"Sure is. But... why the hell is it settin' over land 'n not out over the ocean...?"
"Coast must do somethin' weird 'round here..."
"Hey... All them Osprey's are in the nest, Hank..."
"Think they fed the l'il one even though she didn't fly...?"
"Yep. I think they did."
"Yeah... Who could blame 'em fer not wantin' ta listen ta l'il Edwina bitchin' 'bout wantin' some fish over 'n over 'n over again fer the rest a the nigh'..."
"Dumbass."
Later, back at camp...
"Get away from them cds, Hank... 'S my turn ta pick the music..."
"But we need us some real good recruitin' 'n basic trainin' refresher course music..."
"I got it covered."
"I doubt it."
"Yeah... well ya won't doubt it 'n just a minute..."
"Ya wanna bet...?"
"Here... this should do it..."
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R8f4YGRvi4g
"It sure as hell should."
"Bet yer glad I didn't take tha' bet..."
"I ain't takin' that bet."
"Good idea."
"So's... Brace yerself fer one hellva refresher course, Ed..."
"Jus' don't kill me."
"Cain't make no guarantees... Besides... Tha' waiver ya signed way back when is still in effect..."
"Uh oh... I ain't so sure I wanna do this..."
"Then I guess I'm gonna hafta make ya wanna do it..."
"Sounds good ta me."
"C'mere, dumbass..."
The next day...
"Hey, Hank... Looks like she did it... I don't see her up in tha' nest..."
"Good fer l'il Edwina...! I bet they got smart 'n ditched the fish 'n lured her out with pancakes instead."
"Dumbass."
A few days later...
"So's... Which way ya wanna go, Hank...?"
"Well... Ya know I love the fog... But the beach ends too quick-like thisaway.. So let's head thataway..."
"Thataway it is."
"Damn... I cain't believe this here's the end of our trip 'n we gotta head home tomorrow..."
"I cain't believe tha' there campground just up in them trees is chock full a folks campin' 'n we still got this here beach all ta ourselves..."
"Like I said... it's a damn mystery..."
"Sure as hell is."
"So's... Ya wanna sit on this here log 'n watch the sun set...?"
"Sure do."
"Sure wish we could stay longer."
"Yeah. Few more days would be righ' nice."
"If you wanna stay... 'n I wanna stay... then why the hell don't we stay fer a few more days...?"
"Cain't. Bill 'n Betty gotta head ta Bill's family reunion up in Idaho."
"Hell... Bet Betty would 'preciate missin' tha'. Bill too even."
"Wouldn' doubt it. But I promised 'em we'd be back."
"Too bad."
"Least-wise we'll be back in June... ta see how them sea stars are doin'."
"True 'nough. 'N hopeful-like they'll be doin' even better then."
"Yep."
"So's, Ed...?"
"Yeah...?"
"Seein' as we're all alone on this big ol' beach... d'ya wanna neck...?"
"I got a neck already."
"'N a mighty fine neck it is."
"Yep. Holds my head up real good."
"Sure does. It's an engineerin' marvel even."
"Sure is."
"Ya mind if'n I get a closer look at it...?"
"Well... If'n ya feel like ya really hafta... You go right ahead."
"C'mere, dumbass..."
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On the way home...
"Dammit. Righ' when we're startin' ta head up ta the pass too..."
"Damn, tha' thing's big."
"Dammit. Now we still got the whole way down before there's gonna be a passin' zone..."
"So's, Hank..."
"Figures... Now that I could pass I can't... Apparently folks don't know this is s'posed ta be the "Loneliest Highway"..."
"Hank..."
"Yeah...?"
"You real sure ya wanna start pullin' a damn house along behind us ev'rywheres we go...?"
"Well... Least-wise we wouldn' have ta worry 'bout passin' ourselves."
"Dumbass."
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