Stuck: 3
Title: Such Great Heights
Pairing: Ianto and Owen's snarky friendship
Rating: PG-13 for swearing
Genre: Humour
Warnings/Spoilers: Out of Time - S01E10
Summary: Ianto and Owen enjoy each other's company one evening in the Hub. Too bad it's not by choice.
Frankly Ianto Jones was tired and all he wanted to do was go home and crawl into his bed. That was all he wanted. Not coffee, not a clean suit, not sex just his bed. But instead of already being on his way home he was stuck in Hub waiting for Owen to take pity on him and drive.
Waiting, as he dared not touch his car after John had committed suicide in it. Jack had promised him a new car but the unsigned requisition was still sitting in the captain's inbox. Jack had also promised him a ride home but had buggered off to do god only knew what so instead he was waiting for Owen to finish his WOW game. It was not the ideal situation. Bloody Jack…
“Can we leave yet?” Ianto called from the couch behind Owen's workstation.
“I told you when I am done my raid. We only have one boss left.” Owen said only half listening to what he deemed as whining.
“That was 3 hours ago and unlike you I have been working for 2 solid days!”
“Fine! God you're a bitch sometimes.” Owen logged off, much to the displeasure of his guild if the muffled screams from his headset were anything to go by and collected his coat. “Let's take the lift; I parked across from the plass today.”
Ianto readily agreed. He didn't care as long as they left. The two men headed for the lift with Ianto tossing bits of trash into a bag as they went. Owen gave him an exasperated look. “I swear you must have OCD. Seriously nothing is going to mold overnight.”
“You leave it for weeks at a time. It always grows something.”
“Wanker,” Owen replied and smacked the lift button as Ianto stepped onto the cement square. As the lift began to creep up slowly Owen hopped on. It really was the coolest feature of the Hub. Even better than the pterosaur, Owen decided.
Halfway way to top the lift groaned and shuttered before stopping dead. “Why the fuck did it stop?” Owen groused.
“Not a clue. Hold on.” Ianto then started to root through his coat pockets looking for his PDA. It wasn't there. “What the?” Ianto pulled out a folded post-it.
Sorry Ianto, couldn't find my PDA. Hope you don't mind me borrowing yours :D!
xoxo,
Gwen
“That stupid cow!” Owen yelled and Ianto stood there shocked. When, no how had Gwen managed to lift his PDA without him knowing. This was not looking good.
“Owen, give me your PDA.” Ianto said trying to sound calm despite being stuck 400 meters in the air.
Owen frantically patted his pockets, finding nothing but an old gum wrapper and a button. “I don't have it or my mobile.”
“Fuck…” Ianto swallowed heavily.
“What do you mean fuck? Are we stuck! Do not tell me we are stuck Ianto Jones or so help me.”
“Then I won't say it.” Ianto said sarcastically. “Here let me try calling Jack.” His call went straight to voicemail.
“Can't you even make a bloody phone call correctly? Give it here, I'll call the girls.” Owen grabbed for Ianto's mobile but the younger man pulled it back.
“I am perfectly able to use a phone Owen. Bugger off!” Owen grabbed for the phone again but only managed to get a hold of one end.
“Let go you stupid tea-boy!” Ianto tugged back.
“You're acting like a child!” Owen yanked again but overthrew his weight and lost his bearings. In a split second decision Ianto let go of the phone and wrapped his fingers around Owen's shirt. He quickly pulled his weight back to steady Owen, preventing a nasty fall. The mobile wasn't so lucky as Owen threw his arms out to regain his balance. The mobile arced for a moment then fell at a harrowing speed, showering the ground with a thousand bits of plastic and wire.
“Well now look what you've done!” Owen said angrily with a hint of panic in his voice.
“ME!? You're the one who wanted to play tug of war. You are entirely at fault!” Ianto released Owen's shirt and felt his brow drop in fury.
“Fuck off!”
“Same to you!” And the two men fell into silence. Neither had a clue how to get out of this one.
Hour 2: 1 + 1 = 3 right?
“Shouldn't the alarm have gone off by now and alerted Jack of an intruder? We fully powered down the Hub, doesn't it auto lock after 2 minutes?” Owen finally ventured, shuffling his foot against the concrete.
“No I don't think the security system has set itself to detect motion,” Ianto replied as he massaged his stiff shoulder. Standing for this long in one place was painful.
“Why not?”
“I had to re-calibrate the sensors to allow certain movements in the Hub without setting off an alert. It is an ingenious program that Tosh helped me write with a few simple logarithms and …”
Owen cut him off. “In fucking English Ianto!”
“Basically we are stuck in the Myfanwy's fly zone.”
“Meaning?”
“The sensors think she is flying around the Hub and won't fully set until it reads her as leaving the Hub i.e. when they think nothing should be moving.”
“Well goad her out!” Owen said in a way that made it sound simpler than it was.
“Owen it's the middle of the winter, I've set the sensors to keep her in.”
“Fuck.”
“That about sums it up.”
Hour 3: Owen always sat on the bench at the good old baseball game…
“What are you looking at?” Owen asked, biting his nails in boredom.
“Look,” Ianto said pointing up at the lift's exit. “Do you think that it's open a crack?”
“Yeah maybe 40 centimetres or so, why?” Ianto face brightened excitedly.
“If we can throw something through the crack the sensors will think someone is trying to get into the Hub and will go off! Even though they aren't set for movement inside the exits are still being monitored.”
“You mean we can get out?” Ianto nodded and laughed in happiness. “Give me your shoe.”
Iano backed up as much as he could on the small space and gave Owen a dark look. “You are not throwing my Tanino Criscis at the opening!” Ianto said haughtily.
“Your what?” Owen was clueless when it came to fashion.
“My very expensive shoes,” Ianto emphasized the word very, trying to make Owen understand.
“Give me your shoes. They are just cheap Converses.”
Owen looked shocked for a moment. “No way! I am not standing here in bare feet.”
Ianto's patience was wearing very thin. He was beginning to think only one of them would make it off the slab alive and it wasn't going to be Owen. “Give them to me.”
“My dead wife gave them to me.”
“Oh I highly doubt that you liar!”
“Prove it.” Owen smirked smugly as Ianto sighed in defeat, sat down and unlaced his shoes. Jack was going to buy him a new pair along with his car.
“One each?” The Welshman asked, desperately hugging his shoes. Owen took the other shoe and spent a few minutes judging the angle. When he finally wound up and threw the shoe only made it about 100 meters and then fell into the dirty fountain water with a distinct plop. Ianto thought he might cry.
“Bugger, really thought I had it.” Owen put his thumbs together in parallel to make a square and tried to figure out how he had misjudged his throw so badly.
“Oh for the love of.” Ianto awkwardly shifted spots with Owen, adjusted his stance and then lobbed his shoe up. It was dead on but the shoe shifted into a horizontal position on its way up and smacked the ceiling before joining its mate.
“Brilliant…”
Hour 4: Is it an animal?
“Is it Burn Gorman?” Ianto asked. Both men had run out of ideas on how to escape their predicament and had decided to past the time playing animal, vegetable, or celebrity until Jack returned.
“No.” Owen answered swinging his bare feet back and forth. Both of his shoes had ended up sprawled on the rubber flooring by the water tower. Some people had all the luck.
“Shia LeBeouf?”
“No.”
Ianto huffed and bit his lip. “Well I don't know then! That is the tenth celebrity I have guessed. Who is it?”
“Harry Potter.”
“Harry Potter isn't a celebrity!” Ianto spat back.
“Semantics.” Owen shrugged.
“I hate you.”
“The feeling is mutual.”
Hour 5: Knock, knock! Who's there?
“Why do pigs make good spies?”
“I have no clue.” Ianto mumbled, getting sick of telling jokes.
“They're excellent at going in-hog-nito.” Owen laughed at his own pun.
“That is the stupidest thing I have ever heard.”
“Because it was so much better than your thunderware joke.”
“Touché.”
Hour 6: Creature Comforts.
“Shit I am tired.” Ianto swore around a yawn. He glanced at his watch and sagged when he saw it was 3 AM. If Jack was coming back for the night he would already be in.
“Me too but if we fall asleep here we will fall off and be splatter victims. Even the stupid pterosaur has somewhere nice to sleep and us? A shitty hunk of cement.”
“You could always try and make a leap over to her nest.” Ianto said dryly. Owen thought about it seriously and began to judge the distance.
“It's too far! Don't even think about it.”
“Screw it.”
“Owen!” The doctor stood up and looked into the dinosaur's nest. It seemed warm and large. Owen decided he was going to jump. That was until two beady eyes peered out at him through the darkness and he heard Myfanwy's jaws snap.
“Never mind,” Owen said quickly and sat down again.
“We could sit back to back and link arms to stay upright then take turns sleeping,” Ianto suggested having a hard time keeping is eyes open.”
“I'd rather be a concrete pancake.”
Hour 7: Ianto is never ordering Mexican again!
Ianto had been counting the pockmarks on the lift for the last 15 minutes when a distinct odour drifted past his nose. “Gross Owen, that is fucking disgusting! Can you not control your bodily functions for a few hours?”
“You're the one that wanted Mexican for lunch!” Owen let gas pass again.
“This is the worst day of my life.”
Hour 8: The dish ran away with the…
“So, me big spoon you little spoon no strings attached?” Owen had caved.
Hour 8.5: Ianto wished he was the big spoon.
Owen snored like a bulldozer and kicked.
Hour 9: The Mile High Club is called to order.
Ianto had just started to fall asleep, it was finally his turn, when the proximately alarms went off. Jack had returned from his all night romp.
“Owen,” Ianto said groggily. “Jack's back.” The other man only let out a soft snore. The git had fallen asleep. “Owen!” Ianto tried again, louder this time.
“What… what's going on?” The other man startled awake with an elbow to his gut.
Before either of them had time to untangle from one another Jack was already standing at the lift staring. “Hey boys! What're doing up there? Did I miss the memo for The Mile High Club tryouts?”
If Ianto had been closer to the ground he knew he would have seen the mirth twinkling in Jack's eyes. “Ha ha, get us the fuck down.”
“Agreed,” Owen snarled, pulling himself away from Ianto. Both men stood up and shook 8 hours of kinks and cracks out of their bodies.
“And where the hell have you been all night?” Ianto asked, well more like demanded.
“You know here, there, everywhere. What can I say I am in high demand.” Jack pushed a few buttons on his wrist strap and the lift finally began to descend. “Now, is there an application required for your club?”
Neither man found the joke funny. “Why did the lift break?” Ianto ground out through clenched teeth.
“Something has been off on the load sensors for a few weeks. Every once and a while the damn thing thinks it's empty and just stops. All you need to do is give it a good hop up and down and it starts again. Didn't you get the memo?” Jack asked.
“What memo?” Ianto stopped fishing for one of his shoes in the stagnant water surrounding the fountain.
“Oh, did I forget to send it out?” Jack shrugged nonchalantly and leaned against the rail lining the walk.
“We were stuck up there for 8 hours because you forgot to send a bleeding memo?” Owen said dangerously.
“Possibly,” Jack tried, knowing it was probably futile. Ianto and Owen shared a look and began to advance on Jack. The captain slowly started to back up, putting his hands up in surrender. The advance continued for a few more paces until Jack tripped on one of Owen's shoes and fell backwards, his wrist strap smacking the railing as he fell.
The Hub's alarms blared and everything went dark. “Ooopppsss,” Jack laughed nervously.
“What?” Ianto and Owen shouted at the same time.
“I think the Hub has gone into lock-down.”
“For how long!” Owen cried.
“12 hours.”
“Oh god, we're stuck again!” Ianto felt ill.
“Together…” Owen trailed off.
“Can I fill out an application now?”
Hour 1 Part 2: Can someone please hit the fast-forward button? Anyone?
“So,” Jack started conversationally. “Who wants to play animal, vegetable, or mineral?”
Pairing: Ianto and Owen's snarky friendship
Rating: PG-13 for swearing
Genre: Humour
Warnings/Spoilers: Out of Time - S01E10
Summary: Ianto and Owen enjoy each other's company one evening in the Hub. Too bad it's not by choice.
Frankly Ianto Jones was tired and all he wanted to do was go home and crawl into his bed. That was all he wanted. Not coffee, not a clean suit, not sex just his bed. But instead of already being on his way home he was stuck in Hub waiting for Owen to take pity on him and drive.
Waiting, as he dared not touch his car after John had committed suicide in it. Jack had promised him a new car but the unsigned requisition was still sitting in the captain's inbox. Jack had also promised him a ride home but had buggered off to do god only knew what so instead he was waiting for Owen to finish his WOW game. It was not the ideal situation. Bloody Jack…
“Can we leave yet?” Ianto called from the couch behind Owen's workstation.
“I told you when I am done my raid. We only have one boss left.” Owen said only half listening to what he deemed as whining.
“That was 3 hours ago and unlike you I have been working for 2 solid days!”
“Fine! God you're a bitch sometimes.” Owen logged off, much to the displeasure of his guild if the muffled screams from his headset were anything to go by and collected his coat. “Let's take the lift; I parked across from the plass today.”
Ianto readily agreed. He didn't care as long as they left. The two men headed for the lift with Ianto tossing bits of trash into a bag as they went. Owen gave him an exasperated look. “I swear you must have OCD. Seriously nothing is going to mold overnight.”
“You leave it for weeks at a time. It always grows something.”
“Wanker,” Owen replied and smacked the lift button as Ianto stepped onto the cement square. As the lift began to creep up slowly Owen hopped on. It really was the coolest feature of the Hub. Even better than the pterosaur, Owen decided.
Halfway way to top the lift groaned and shuttered before stopping dead. “Why the fuck did it stop?” Owen groused.
“Not a clue. Hold on.” Ianto then started to root through his coat pockets looking for his PDA. It wasn't there. “What the?” Ianto pulled out a folded post-it.
Sorry Ianto, couldn't find my PDA. Hope you don't mind me borrowing yours :D!
xoxo,
Gwen
“That stupid cow!” Owen yelled and Ianto stood there shocked. When, no how had Gwen managed to lift his PDA without him knowing. This was not looking good.
“Owen, give me your PDA.” Ianto said trying to sound calm despite being stuck 400 meters in the air.
Owen frantically patted his pockets, finding nothing but an old gum wrapper and a button. “I don't have it or my mobile.”
“Fuck…” Ianto swallowed heavily.
“What do you mean fuck? Are we stuck! Do not tell me we are stuck Ianto Jones or so help me.”
“Then I won't say it.” Ianto said sarcastically. “Here let me try calling Jack.” His call went straight to voicemail.
“Can't you even make a bloody phone call correctly? Give it here, I'll call the girls.” Owen grabbed for Ianto's mobile but the younger man pulled it back.
“I am perfectly able to use a phone Owen. Bugger off!” Owen grabbed for the phone again but only managed to get a hold of one end.
“Let go you stupid tea-boy!” Ianto tugged back.
“You're acting like a child!” Owen yanked again but overthrew his weight and lost his bearings. In a split second decision Ianto let go of the phone and wrapped his fingers around Owen's shirt. He quickly pulled his weight back to steady Owen, preventing a nasty fall. The mobile wasn't so lucky as Owen threw his arms out to regain his balance. The mobile arced for a moment then fell at a harrowing speed, showering the ground with a thousand bits of plastic and wire.
“Well now look what you've done!” Owen said angrily with a hint of panic in his voice.
“ME!? You're the one who wanted to play tug of war. You are entirely at fault!” Ianto released Owen's shirt and felt his brow drop in fury.
“Fuck off!”
“Same to you!” And the two men fell into silence. Neither had a clue how to get out of this one.
Hour 2: 1 + 1 = 3 right?
“Shouldn't the alarm have gone off by now and alerted Jack of an intruder? We fully powered down the Hub, doesn't it auto lock after 2 minutes?” Owen finally ventured, shuffling his foot against the concrete.
“No I don't think the security system has set itself to detect motion,” Ianto replied as he massaged his stiff shoulder. Standing for this long in one place was painful.
“Why not?”
“I had to re-calibrate the sensors to allow certain movements in the Hub without setting off an alert. It is an ingenious program that Tosh helped me write with a few simple logarithms and …”
Owen cut him off. “In fucking English Ianto!”
“Basically we are stuck in the Myfanwy's fly zone.”
“Meaning?”
“The sensors think she is flying around the Hub and won't fully set until it reads her as leaving the Hub i.e. when they think nothing should be moving.”
“Well goad her out!” Owen said in a way that made it sound simpler than it was.
“Owen it's the middle of the winter, I've set the sensors to keep her in.”
“Fuck.”
“That about sums it up.”
Hour 3: Owen always sat on the bench at the good old baseball game…
“What are you looking at?” Owen asked, biting his nails in boredom.
“Look,” Ianto said pointing up at the lift's exit. “Do you think that it's open a crack?”
“Yeah maybe 40 centimetres or so, why?” Ianto face brightened excitedly.
“If we can throw something through the crack the sensors will think someone is trying to get into the Hub and will go off! Even though they aren't set for movement inside the exits are still being monitored.”
“You mean we can get out?” Ianto nodded and laughed in happiness. “Give me your shoe.”
Iano backed up as much as he could on the small space and gave Owen a dark look. “You are not throwing my Tanino Criscis at the opening!” Ianto said haughtily.
“Your what?” Owen was clueless when it came to fashion.
“My very expensive shoes,” Ianto emphasized the word very, trying to make Owen understand.
“Give me your shoes. They are just cheap Converses.”
Owen looked shocked for a moment. “No way! I am not standing here in bare feet.”
Ianto's patience was wearing very thin. He was beginning to think only one of them would make it off the slab alive and it wasn't going to be Owen. “Give them to me.”
“My dead wife gave them to me.”
“Oh I highly doubt that you liar!”
“Prove it.” Owen smirked smugly as Ianto sighed in defeat, sat down and unlaced his shoes. Jack was going to buy him a new pair along with his car.
“One each?” The Welshman asked, desperately hugging his shoes. Owen took the other shoe and spent a few minutes judging the angle. When he finally wound up and threw the shoe only made it about 100 meters and then fell into the dirty fountain water with a distinct plop. Ianto thought he might cry.
“Bugger, really thought I had it.” Owen put his thumbs together in parallel to make a square and tried to figure out how he had misjudged his throw so badly.
“Oh for the love of.” Ianto awkwardly shifted spots with Owen, adjusted his stance and then lobbed his shoe up. It was dead on but the shoe shifted into a horizontal position on its way up and smacked the ceiling before joining its mate.
“Brilliant…”
Hour 4: Is it an animal?
“Is it Burn Gorman?” Ianto asked. Both men had run out of ideas on how to escape their predicament and had decided to past the time playing animal, vegetable, or celebrity until Jack returned.
“No.” Owen answered swinging his bare feet back and forth. Both of his shoes had ended up sprawled on the rubber flooring by the water tower. Some people had all the luck.
“Shia LeBeouf?”
“No.”
Ianto huffed and bit his lip. “Well I don't know then! That is the tenth celebrity I have guessed. Who is it?”
“Harry Potter.”
“Harry Potter isn't a celebrity!” Ianto spat back.
“Semantics.” Owen shrugged.
“I hate you.”
“The feeling is mutual.”
Hour 5: Knock, knock! Who's there?
“Why do pigs make good spies?”
“I have no clue.” Ianto mumbled, getting sick of telling jokes.
“They're excellent at going in-hog-nito.” Owen laughed at his own pun.
“That is the stupidest thing I have ever heard.”
“Because it was so much better than your thunderware joke.”
“Touché.”
Hour 6: Creature Comforts.
“Shit I am tired.” Ianto swore around a yawn. He glanced at his watch and sagged when he saw it was 3 AM. If Jack was coming back for the night he would already be in.
“Me too but if we fall asleep here we will fall off and be splatter victims. Even the stupid pterosaur has somewhere nice to sleep and us? A shitty hunk of cement.”
“You could always try and make a leap over to her nest.” Ianto said dryly. Owen thought about it seriously and began to judge the distance.
“It's too far! Don't even think about it.”
“Screw it.”
“Owen!” The doctor stood up and looked into the dinosaur's nest. It seemed warm and large. Owen decided he was going to jump. That was until two beady eyes peered out at him through the darkness and he heard Myfanwy's jaws snap.
“Never mind,” Owen said quickly and sat down again.
“We could sit back to back and link arms to stay upright then take turns sleeping,” Ianto suggested having a hard time keeping is eyes open.”
“I'd rather be a concrete pancake.”
Hour 7: Ianto is never ordering Mexican again!
Ianto had been counting the pockmarks on the lift for the last 15 minutes when a distinct odour drifted past his nose. “Gross Owen, that is fucking disgusting! Can you not control your bodily functions for a few hours?”
“You're the one that wanted Mexican for lunch!” Owen let gas pass again.
“This is the worst day of my life.”
Hour 8: The dish ran away with the…
“So, me big spoon you little spoon no strings attached?” Owen had caved.
Hour 8.5: Ianto wished he was the big spoon.
Owen snored like a bulldozer and kicked.
Hour 9: The Mile High Club is called to order.
Ianto had just started to fall asleep, it was finally his turn, when the proximately alarms went off. Jack had returned from his all night romp.
“Owen,” Ianto said groggily. “Jack's back.” The other man only let out a soft snore. The git had fallen asleep. “Owen!” Ianto tried again, louder this time.
“What… what's going on?” The other man startled awake with an elbow to his gut.
Before either of them had time to untangle from one another Jack was already standing at the lift staring. “Hey boys! What're doing up there? Did I miss the memo for The Mile High Club tryouts?”
If Ianto had been closer to the ground he knew he would have seen the mirth twinkling in Jack's eyes. “Ha ha, get us the fuck down.”
“Agreed,” Owen snarled, pulling himself away from Ianto. Both men stood up and shook 8 hours of kinks and cracks out of their bodies.
“And where the hell have you been all night?” Ianto asked, well more like demanded.
“You know here, there, everywhere. What can I say I am in high demand.” Jack pushed a few buttons on his wrist strap and the lift finally began to descend. “Now, is there an application required for your club?”
Neither man found the joke funny. “Why did the lift break?” Ianto ground out through clenched teeth.
“Something has been off on the load sensors for a few weeks. Every once and a while the damn thing thinks it's empty and just stops. All you need to do is give it a good hop up and down and it starts again. Didn't you get the memo?” Jack asked.
“What memo?” Ianto stopped fishing for one of his shoes in the stagnant water surrounding the fountain.
“Oh, did I forget to send it out?” Jack shrugged nonchalantly and leaned against the rail lining the walk.
“We were stuck up there for 8 hours because you forgot to send a bleeding memo?” Owen said dangerously.
“Possibly,” Jack tried, knowing it was probably futile. Ianto and Owen shared a look and began to advance on Jack. The captain slowly started to back up, putting his hands up in surrender. The advance continued for a few more paces until Jack tripped on one of Owen's shoes and fell backwards, his wrist strap smacking the railing as he fell.
The Hub's alarms blared and everything went dark. “Ooopppsss,” Jack laughed nervously.
“What?” Ianto and Owen shouted at the same time.
“I think the Hub has gone into lock-down.”
“For how long!” Owen cried.
“12 hours.”
“Oh god, we're stuck again!” Ianto felt ill.
“Together…” Owen trailed off.
“Can I fill out an application now?”
Hour 1 Part 2: Can someone please hit the fast-forward button? Anyone?
“So,” Jack started conversationally. “Who wants to play animal, vegetable, or mineral?”