Fsking Cat!
I am covered in grime. I smell bad. I have twigs, leaves, dirt and possible bird shit in my hair. I broke a nail, scratched my leg and nearly twisted my ankle.
Our backyard is like a jungle and I didn't have time this morning to go looking through the foliage for her and m'monKAY must not have thought about it - or Lily just wasn't there at the time. I saw her fleetingly as I was bushwacking (oh yes - laugh away) and calling her name but did that bitch come to me? NOOOOO.
Instead she fucking JUMPS A FENCE into our backyard neighbour's place where I dutifully follow in hopes of catching and skinning her ass. Where I am met by a VICIOUS pitbull who nearly eats my arm off - luckily his chain was too short. I lose sight of the bane of my existance aka Lilith and 10 minutes later (you don't understand, NO ONE takes care of their backyards out here and not only is there Rainforest-like foliage, there is trash and compost and...eww!)I see a spec of white in my *other* neighbours yard.
So I jump yet another fence. I am not. this limber people. I have to jump down into a pile of wood because there's nowhere else to go and she just stares at me. Blinking. "What, Mom?" Ooooo you little fucker. That's exactly what I said to her too. And all I get is blinkbatbatlashesblinktilthead. I'm in my backyard now, swearing and sweating and she's on the other side of the fence being unreachable.
I get back there and she looks ready to run. "FUCKING DON'T MOVE" I think Satan was speaking through me my voice was so scary. It worked, she stayed put until I was within snatching distance and then she bolted under a bunch of trash. TRASH!!!!!!!! So I crouched there for a good while trying to sound sweet and loving to coax her out. Let me tell you that was *not* easy.
Finally she comes out and I grab her, she's all dirty but seemed thankful to get away from the psychotic pitbull still barking his fucking head off in our general vicinity. She got a firm "talkin' to" on the way in the house and a suffocating squeeze that ended with her running away and me being covered in hair.
Thanks for all your thoughts, Lily is now officially grounded!
Damn cat.
~M
Our backyard is like a jungle and I didn't have time this morning to go looking through the foliage for her and m'monKAY must not have thought about it - or Lily just wasn't there at the time. I saw her fleetingly as I was bushwacking (oh yes - laugh away) and calling her name but did that bitch come to me? NOOOOO.
Instead she fucking JUMPS A FENCE into our backyard neighbour's place where I dutifully follow in hopes of catching and skinning her ass. Where I am met by a VICIOUS pitbull who nearly eats my arm off - luckily his chain was too short. I lose sight of the bane of my existance aka Lilith and 10 minutes later (you don't understand, NO ONE takes care of their backyards out here and not only is there Rainforest-like foliage, there is trash and compost and...eww!)I see a spec of white in my *other* neighbours yard.
So I jump yet another fence. I am not. this limber people. I have to jump down into a pile of wood because there's nowhere else to go and she just stares at me. Blinking. "What, Mom?" Ooooo you little fucker. That's exactly what I said to her too. And all I get is blinkbatbatlashesblinktilthead. I'm in my backyard now, swearing and sweating and she's on the other side of the fence being unreachable.
I get back there and she looks ready to run. "FUCKING DON'T MOVE" I think Satan was speaking through me my voice was so scary. It worked, she stayed put until I was within snatching distance and then she bolted under a bunch of trash. TRASH!!!!!!!! So I crouched there for a good while trying to sound sweet and loving to coax her out. Let me tell you that was *not* easy.
Finally she comes out and I grab her, she's all dirty but seemed thankful to get away from the psychotic pitbull still barking his fucking head off in our general vicinity. She got a firm "talkin' to" on the way in the house and a suffocating squeeze that ended with her running away and me being covered in hair.
Thanks for all your thoughts, Lily is now officially grounded!
Damn cat.
~M