Untitled Sentinel Fic
Summary: After going most of his life unbonded, Blair meets his Sentinel. At the same time, his young ward Spencer attracts the attention of a dormant that won't give up.
Notes: Crossover between Sentinel, Criminal Minds, and Numb3rs.
Dr. Blair Sandberg is in the middle of a lecture when Don Eppes steps into his classroom. It’s so surprising that Blair's mouth snaps shut and he loses his train of thought. "Don."
Don gives him a nod, stepping unobtrusively to the side. It’s a clear allowance for Blair to continue, but he looks down at the syllabus he’d been going over and the words just seem to swim. He frowns and looks back up at the class; almost every student is staring at Don, some more obviously than others.
Blair sighs and waves a hand, “Class dismissed.”
The students scramble for their things. Blair sends the ones that try and linger curiously out with a pointed look, until there’s only Spencer sitting in his seat at the front. Spencer looks up and over at Don, who smiles at him but keeps his distance. Spencer is a unique case, for a young guide. He already possesses a spiritual bond with a sentinel through his spirit animal, a connection with allows him to wield his gifts with such finesse that most assume he’s bonded despite his age. The incomplete bond, however, makes him extremely uncomfortable around unbounded sentinels that pose a threat to it.
“Is everything alright, Don? Is it Charlie?” Blair asks, almost fearing the answer.
Don’s younger brother Charlie had been Blair’s closest friend for many years. At age twelve, they had both started Rainier University together, under the guardianship of the Dean of Students and the watchful eye of Don. For many years, Don had been their ever-present and over-protective shadow.
A little more than a year ago, Don had lost his bonded guide in the line of duty. It had been a hostage situation and Charlie had been present; Don’s pain had brought Charlie’s latent guide gifts online and Charlie’s familial presence in Don’s mind was probably all that saved him from following his guide into death. Charlie had been in isolation ever since the incident; his mind has so far been unable to construct its own shields and outside of the isolation room he is constantly bombarded by the empathic feedback from others. Don rarely strays far from Charlie’s side.
“Charlie is fine.” Don assures him. “I needed some air and Charlie needed a break from me. The Center sent me over here with a request of you.”
Blair frowns and starts to gather his things, sliding two books and his laptop into his satchel. “With what?”
“An Alpha Sentinel has come online. He’s in a very fragile state and zoning in and out nonstop. The Center is hoping that you can stabilize him.”
The Center has asked Blair for such assistance before, more than once. The problem is the last time the Sentinel he had assisted had become fixated with him, convinced that Blair was her guide despite Blair knowing that was not the case. Blair had eventually had to use his gifts to incapacitate the sentinel; she’d suffered for it and Blair had suffered for it. A guide never wanted to use their gifts against a sentinel, but Blair had been left with no choice but to erase himself from her memories. Since the incident, Blair has refused any such calling by the Center.
They’d never asked for his help with an Alpha before, and Blair wasn’t sure that he could -or should -deny them.
“When did he come online?”
“He was working undercover. Sometime last night his unit lost contact with him and they found him two hours ago in a zone-out. We aren’t sure how long he’s been online. He has so far come out of each zone himself, but immediately slides into another one. We believe he’s zoning on hearing and smell, possibly sight as well.”
Blair frowns at the implications. “He’s searching for his Guide? Without any training?”
“That is the general assumption.”
Blair harrumphs. “Alright. I’ll go. But, you’ll need to watch over Spencer. I don’t trust the Center with him; they always want to examine his bond.”
“They ask inappropriate questions.” Spencer agrees.
When Spencer stands up from his chair and moves to shoulder his messenger bag, Blair catches a glimpse of two spirit animals. The small blue-white fox is Spencer’s; the faded, ghost of a polar bear is that of Spencer’s sentinel. Both have a feeling of age and nobility to them and are rarely separated; in fact, Blair has never seen one without the other and has only what Spencer has told him to go off of. Spencer once told him that he’d seen the polar bear first, that he’d seen his sentinel’s spirit animal since before he’d even come online and thought it meant he was as sick as his mother, while his own fox hadn’t been available to him until after he’d received the basic guide training that taught him how to find his spiritual center.
“Are you comfortable going to the Center?” Blair asks Spencer in concern. “If they make you unduly uncomfortable, I can file a complaint with the Alpha Sentinel Prime of the Pacific Coast. McGarret rarely bothers with the outskirts of the territory, but he’d ruin anyone that makes an unbonded guide feel uncomfortable at a Center. They’re there to help you, Spencer, not harm you.”
Spencer shakes his head, though his fingers tighten around the strap to his bag. “No, I’ll be fine.” Blair’s eyes meet Don’s over Spencer’s head, and Don nods to show that Spencer is telling the truth. “Besides,” Spencer continues, oblivious, “I’ll be safe with Don and Charlie.”
Don smiles kindly at Spencer, gentle in a way he always is with young guides. Blair recognizes the look from when he and Charlie were young and suspects that if Don weren’t so hyperaware of Spencer’s discomfort around sentinels that he would reach out and ruffle his hair. “Of course you’ll be, kid.”
“Alright, then.” Blair agrees. “Don, are you driving us?”
“Unless you want to follow me.”
“No, Spencer and I took our bikes this morning. It’ll take too long to take them across town and it sounds like the Alpha’s situation is serious.”
“I’m parked just out front, then.” Don beckons, leading them out. Indeed, his car is parked haphazardly in the fire lane near the building’s front doors; the only thing saving Don from a ticket are the official Center plates on his car, meant for emergency use only.
Blair pops the chair forward to let Spencer into the backseat of the compact car. He pulls his seat forward as much as possible once he’s situated; Blair’s short and hardly needs the space, while Spencer is all knees and elbows.
“Tell me about the Alpha?” Blair requests, once Don has them on the road.
“His name is James Ellison. He was diagnosed as latent as a child, along with his younger brother, but our records don’t show anyone in the Ellison family coming online since the records begin. The closest online relative we could find was several generations removed, on his mother’s side. He was an Army Ranger, now retired. He has an impressive military background; looking at the number of awards and commendations he’s received, you’d think he’d been online his entire career. In the past, he’s out-performed online sentinels. There’s some spotty information regarding a mission he did in Peru; all things point to him having come online during the year he spent in the wild, but if he did he’s clearly repressed his gifts since leaving the jungle behind. He spent most of his time there with the Chopec tribe.”
Blair makes a noise of recognition at the significance. Blair had been cleared for an expedition to Peru, a six month trip to examine an Alpha Sentinel and Guide pair, but he’d had to back out at the last minute when he’d gained custody of Spencer. It was a disappointment, to be sure, but Blair can’t regret his choice, when he knows that Spencer wouldn’t have lasted any longer in his mother’s care with his sanity intact. He does, however, wonder if that would have been before or after this Alpha’s time with the tribe.
“He’s been working for the Cascade Police Department since his retirement.” Don continues. “He was briefly married, but there was a messy divorce about eight months ago.”
“Heightened stress levels are usually some of the first indicators to a sentinel or guide coming online.” Spencer pipes up from the backseat, leaning forward so that his face is between the front seats. “His failing marriage could probably be traced back to his instincts and emerging senses; he would unconsciously begin to recognize infidelity and dishonestly before he was conscious of what was happening, resulting in seeming paranoia.”
“His ex-wife doesn’t have the sentinel or guide gene, not even a latent one. That’s rare; even in a latent state, most sentinels and guides naturally seek out other sentinels and guides for romantic relationships and avoid mundanes.” Don says.
“Then he was likely becoming instinctively aware that his wife was not his guide. It would have become very difficult to share space with her; without a genetic imperative, sentinels can’t tolerate mundanes in their private territory. There’s also the possibility that if she wasn’t good for him, his spirit animal would try to guide him away from her, even if he weren’t conscious of it.”
“Can a spirit animal influence a latent like that?” Don asks. “I’ve never heard of that.”
“Even in a latent state, guides and sentinels are extremely intuitive and seem to be led by some sort of sixth sense.” Spencer explains. “I’m hoping to do my doctorate thesis on the subject.”
“Of course you are, kid.” Don laughs. “You’re just like Charlie. How many degrees are you planning on having, kid?”
“I already have three undergraduate degrees, actually.” Spencer says. “And I’ll be finished with my dual master’s program by the end of this year, and then I’ll pursue my doctorates. I’m pretty sure I can complete them both in two years. Due to the laws protecting underage guides, I can’t enter most fields until I turn eighteen, so it seemed ideal to spread it out as much as I could.”
“Seven, huh? You’ll have Charlie beat, then. He has quite a few, but all in math. Blair, how many did you end up with?”
“Two each for undergrad, master, and doctorate. I don’t technically have any degrees on sentinel studies.”
“But only because you invented the field.”
“I didn’t invent the field. I redefined it.”
“That’s like saying Charlie doesn’t reinvent math every six months.” Don says pointedly. “Schematics.”
“How is Charlie?”
“Restless. He does well when he’s in the isolation room, but he gets bored and antsy. The doctors want him to take walks and such; they say they don’t want him to become too dependent on the isolation, but he already is, isn’t he? Too much time outside of those rooms and he’ll lose his mind. He’s met what feels like hundreds of sentinels but they barely come through the door before he’s turning them away.”
“Charlie is incredibly powerful and he came online in response to your trauma. It’s possible that his sentinel simply hasn’t come online yet.”
“I know. I just want more for him than a life spent in isolation. He was doing well for a while; he spent a few weeks working on a new proof but he solved it nearly a month ago now. The math world still hasn’t recovered, but Charlie’s already wanting another to work on.”
“Do you think he’ll let me look at his proof?” Spencer asks eagerly.
“Kid, he’d love to see what you make of it. He asked me what I thought, but I couldn’t make heads or tails of it. Charlie’s the brain in the family; I just stand around and make the family look good.”
“And look good you do, Don.” Blair grins, while Spencer flushes hotly and retreats back from the conversation.
When they arrive at the Center, Spencer keeps close to Blair. Blair touches his wrist and uses the contact to extend his shield around his ward. Blair’s been online for more than twenty years and his ability to wield his gifts, even without any bond or anchor, surpasses that of most of the guides that have such luxuries.
Don walks them up to the front desk. “The Director requested I bring Blair Sandberg in to help the Alpha.”
The guide that works the desk glares at Blair. He doesn’t know her name, but she’s never been particularly friendly towards Blair. One of the reasons Blair had taken to avoiding the Center was for this reason; the guide was but one of many that believed that Blair should have been grateful of any sentinel’s attention and been forced to accept a bond from the sentinel that had fixated upon him. She regarded him like he had committed a sin for turning the sentinel away.
“Hasn’t he ruined enough sentinels?” The guide snips sharply.
“Alex was not my sentinel.” Blair says firmly. “Like any guide, I have the right to wait for my true sentinel.”
“You’re sentinel is dead.” The guide spats. “Dead or dormant and you force others to suffer for your selfishness.”
Blair looks down. It is not the first time Blair’s been told similar. He has been online and alone for a very long time.
“Shut up!” Spencer suddenly screams at the woman. “You’re empty. You’re empty and you think that makes it okay to hurt other people. You’re jealous and you’re cruel and you’re -”
The woman moves to slap Spencer, but Don catches her hand before she can do so, moving so quickly he blurs. Before Spencer or Blair can do anything more, he has the guide face down on the desk, with her arms pinned behind her.
“How dare you try and harm an underage guide?” Don snarls.
“He can’t talk to me like that!”
“He can talk to you anyway he wants because he’s underage. The guide laws are specific and you’ve just broken a dozen of them. You could have made any sentinel in this building feral. You’re leaving, now, and you won’t ever come near Blair or Spencer again. And you won’t work at a Center again; I’ll make sure of that.” Don jerks the woman around. Then, to Blair, he says, “Stay here and I’ll take you to the Alpha after I’ve taken out the trash,” he shakes the woman, “And informed the Director of what’s happened.”
Blair nods, drawing Spencer away from the woman. As Don drags her away, he frowns. “Spencer, you can’t speak that way to people.”
Spencer flushes. “She shouldn’t talk that way to you. It’s not right.”
“You let her anger into yourself. You can’t do that. It isn’t your burden to bear. We’ve talked about this before.”
Spencer shakes his head. “This isn’t like with my mother. I looked into her. I wanted to see why she was so hateful, but she’s just so jealous that she’s let it corrupt her. I pity her sentinel because she’ll just pour all that hate into him and he’ll be damaged by it. She’ll blame him for taking so long. Like it’s on purpose.”
“Spencer… Your sentinel would come for you if he knew how to find you.”
“I know.” Spencer says firmly. “And you should, too.”
“I do.” Blair says softly. “Sometimes, it just gets hard. I think I can feel him, though. Just out of reach. And the feeling is getting stronger.”
Notes: Crossover between Sentinel, Criminal Minds, and Numb3rs.
Dr. Blair Sandberg is in the middle of a lecture when Don Eppes steps into his classroom. It’s so surprising that Blair's mouth snaps shut and he loses his train of thought. "Don."
Don gives him a nod, stepping unobtrusively to the side. It’s a clear allowance for Blair to continue, but he looks down at the syllabus he’d been going over and the words just seem to swim. He frowns and looks back up at the class; almost every student is staring at Don, some more obviously than others.
Blair sighs and waves a hand, “Class dismissed.”
The students scramble for their things. Blair sends the ones that try and linger curiously out with a pointed look, until there’s only Spencer sitting in his seat at the front. Spencer looks up and over at Don, who smiles at him but keeps his distance. Spencer is a unique case, for a young guide. He already possesses a spiritual bond with a sentinel through his spirit animal, a connection with allows him to wield his gifts with such finesse that most assume he’s bonded despite his age. The incomplete bond, however, makes him extremely uncomfortable around unbounded sentinels that pose a threat to it.
“Is everything alright, Don? Is it Charlie?” Blair asks, almost fearing the answer.
Don’s younger brother Charlie had been Blair’s closest friend for many years. At age twelve, they had both started Rainier University together, under the guardianship of the Dean of Students and the watchful eye of Don. For many years, Don had been their ever-present and over-protective shadow.
A little more than a year ago, Don had lost his bonded guide in the line of duty. It had been a hostage situation and Charlie had been present; Don’s pain had brought Charlie’s latent guide gifts online and Charlie’s familial presence in Don’s mind was probably all that saved him from following his guide into death. Charlie had been in isolation ever since the incident; his mind has so far been unable to construct its own shields and outside of the isolation room he is constantly bombarded by the empathic feedback from others. Don rarely strays far from Charlie’s side.
“Charlie is fine.” Don assures him. “I needed some air and Charlie needed a break from me. The Center sent me over here with a request of you.”
Blair frowns and starts to gather his things, sliding two books and his laptop into his satchel. “With what?”
“An Alpha Sentinel has come online. He’s in a very fragile state and zoning in and out nonstop. The Center is hoping that you can stabilize him.”
The Center has asked Blair for such assistance before, more than once. The problem is the last time the Sentinel he had assisted had become fixated with him, convinced that Blair was her guide despite Blair knowing that was not the case. Blair had eventually had to use his gifts to incapacitate the sentinel; she’d suffered for it and Blair had suffered for it. A guide never wanted to use their gifts against a sentinel, but Blair had been left with no choice but to erase himself from her memories. Since the incident, Blair has refused any such calling by the Center.
They’d never asked for his help with an Alpha before, and Blair wasn’t sure that he could -or should -deny them.
“When did he come online?”
“He was working undercover. Sometime last night his unit lost contact with him and they found him two hours ago in a zone-out. We aren’t sure how long he’s been online. He has so far come out of each zone himself, but immediately slides into another one. We believe he’s zoning on hearing and smell, possibly sight as well.”
Blair frowns at the implications. “He’s searching for his Guide? Without any training?”
“That is the general assumption.”
Blair harrumphs. “Alright. I’ll go. But, you’ll need to watch over Spencer. I don’t trust the Center with him; they always want to examine his bond.”
“They ask inappropriate questions.” Spencer agrees.
When Spencer stands up from his chair and moves to shoulder his messenger bag, Blair catches a glimpse of two spirit animals. The small blue-white fox is Spencer’s; the faded, ghost of a polar bear is that of Spencer’s sentinel. Both have a feeling of age and nobility to them and are rarely separated; in fact, Blair has never seen one without the other and has only what Spencer has told him to go off of. Spencer once told him that he’d seen the polar bear first, that he’d seen his sentinel’s spirit animal since before he’d even come online and thought it meant he was as sick as his mother, while his own fox hadn’t been available to him until after he’d received the basic guide training that taught him how to find his spiritual center.
“Are you comfortable going to the Center?” Blair asks Spencer in concern. “If they make you unduly uncomfortable, I can file a complaint with the Alpha Sentinel Prime of the Pacific Coast. McGarret rarely bothers with the outskirts of the territory, but he’d ruin anyone that makes an unbonded guide feel uncomfortable at a Center. They’re there to help you, Spencer, not harm you.”
Spencer shakes his head, though his fingers tighten around the strap to his bag. “No, I’ll be fine.” Blair’s eyes meet Don’s over Spencer’s head, and Don nods to show that Spencer is telling the truth. “Besides,” Spencer continues, oblivious, “I’ll be safe with Don and Charlie.”
Don smiles kindly at Spencer, gentle in a way he always is with young guides. Blair recognizes the look from when he and Charlie were young and suspects that if Don weren’t so hyperaware of Spencer’s discomfort around sentinels that he would reach out and ruffle his hair. “Of course you’ll be, kid.”
“Alright, then.” Blair agrees. “Don, are you driving us?”
“Unless you want to follow me.”
“No, Spencer and I took our bikes this morning. It’ll take too long to take them across town and it sounds like the Alpha’s situation is serious.”
“I’m parked just out front, then.” Don beckons, leading them out. Indeed, his car is parked haphazardly in the fire lane near the building’s front doors; the only thing saving Don from a ticket are the official Center plates on his car, meant for emergency use only.
Blair pops the chair forward to let Spencer into the backseat of the compact car. He pulls his seat forward as much as possible once he’s situated; Blair’s short and hardly needs the space, while Spencer is all knees and elbows.
“Tell me about the Alpha?” Blair requests, once Don has them on the road.
“His name is James Ellison. He was diagnosed as latent as a child, along with his younger brother, but our records don’t show anyone in the Ellison family coming online since the records begin. The closest online relative we could find was several generations removed, on his mother’s side. He was an Army Ranger, now retired. He has an impressive military background; looking at the number of awards and commendations he’s received, you’d think he’d been online his entire career. In the past, he’s out-performed online sentinels. There’s some spotty information regarding a mission he did in Peru; all things point to him having come online during the year he spent in the wild, but if he did he’s clearly repressed his gifts since leaving the jungle behind. He spent most of his time there with the Chopec tribe.”
Blair makes a noise of recognition at the significance. Blair had been cleared for an expedition to Peru, a six month trip to examine an Alpha Sentinel and Guide pair, but he’d had to back out at the last minute when he’d gained custody of Spencer. It was a disappointment, to be sure, but Blair can’t regret his choice, when he knows that Spencer wouldn’t have lasted any longer in his mother’s care with his sanity intact. He does, however, wonder if that would have been before or after this Alpha’s time with the tribe.
“He’s been working for the Cascade Police Department since his retirement.” Don continues. “He was briefly married, but there was a messy divorce about eight months ago.”
“Heightened stress levels are usually some of the first indicators to a sentinel or guide coming online.” Spencer pipes up from the backseat, leaning forward so that his face is between the front seats. “His failing marriage could probably be traced back to his instincts and emerging senses; he would unconsciously begin to recognize infidelity and dishonestly before he was conscious of what was happening, resulting in seeming paranoia.”
“His ex-wife doesn’t have the sentinel or guide gene, not even a latent one. That’s rare; even in a latent state, most sentinels and guides naturally seek out other sentinels and guides for romantic relationships and avoid mundanes.” Don says.
“Then he was likely becoming instinctively aware that his wife was not his guide. It would have become very difficult to share space with her; without a genetic imperative, sentinels can’t tolerate mundanes in their private territory. There’s also the possibility that if she wasn’t good for him, his spirit animal would try to guide him away from her, even if he weren’t conscious of it.”
“Can a spirit animal influence a latent like that?” Don asks. “I’ve never heard of that.”
“Even in a latent state, guides and sentinels are extremely intuitive and seem to be led by some sort of sixth sense.” Spencer explains. “I’m hoping to do my doctorate thesis on the subject.”
“Of course you are, kid.” Don laughs. “You’re just like Charlie. How many degrees are you planning on having, kid?”
“I already have three undergraduate degrees, actually.” Spencer says. “And I’ll be finished with my dual master’s program by the end of this year, and then I’ll pursue my doctorates. I’m pretty sure I can complete them both in two years. Due to the laws protecting underage guides, I can’t enter most fields until I turn eighteen, so it seemed ideal to spread it out as much as I could.”
“Seven, huh? You’ll have Charlie beat, then. He has quite a few, but all in math. Blair, how many did you end up with?”
“Two each for undergrad, master, and doctorate. I don’t technically have any degrees on sentinel studies.”
“But only because you invented the field.”
“I didn’t invent the field. I redefined it.”
“That’s like saying Charlie doesn’t reinvent math every six months.” Don says pointedly. “Schematics.”
“How is Charlie?”
“Restless. He does well when he’s in the isolation room, but he gets bored and antsy. The doctors want him to take walks and such; they say they don’t want him to become too dependent on the isolation, but he already is, isn’t he? Too much time outside of those rooms and he’ll lose his mind. He’s met what feels like hundreds of sentinels but they barely come through the door before he’s turning them away.”
“Charlie is incredibly powerful and he came online in response to your trauma. It’s possible that his sentinel simply hasn’t come online yet.”
“I know. I just want more for him than a life spent in isolation. He was doing well for a while; he spent a few weeks working on a new proof but he solved it nearly a month ago now. The math world still hasn’t recovered, but Charlie’s already wanting another to work on.”
“Do you think he’ll let me look at his proof?” Spencer asks eagerly.
“Kid, he’d love to see what you make of it. He asked me what I thought, but I couldn’t make heads or tails of it. Charlie’s the brain in the family; I just stand around and make the family look good.”
“And look good you do, Don.” Blair grins, while Spencer flushes hotly and retreats back from the conversation.
When they arrive at the Center, Spencer keeps close to Blair. Blair touches his wrist and uses the contact to extend his shield around his ward. Blair’s been online for more than twenty years and his ability to wield his gifts, even without any bond or anchor, surpasses that of most of the guides that have such luxuries.
Don walks them up to the front desk. “The Director requested I bring Blair Sandberg in to help the Alpha.”
The guide that works the desk glares at Blair. He doesn’t know her name, but she’s never been particularly friendly towards Blair. One of the reasons Blair had taken to avoiding the Center was for this reason; the guide was but one of many that believed that Blair should have been grateful of any sentinel’s attention and been forced to accept a bond from the sentinel that had fixated upon him. She regarded him like he had committed a sin for turning the sentinel away.
“Hasn’t he ruined enough sentinels?” The guide snips sharply.
“Alex was not my sentinel.” Blair says firmly. “Like any guide, I have the right to wait for my true sentinel.”
“You’re sentinel is dead.” The guide spats. “Dead or dormant and you force others to suffer for your selfishness.”
Blair looks down. It is not the first time Blair’s been told similar. He has been online and alone for a very long time.
“Shut up!” Spencer suddenly screams at the woman. “You’re empty. You’re empty and you think that makes it okay to hurt other people. You’re jealous and you’re cruel and you’re -”
The woman moves to slap Spencer, but Don catches her hand before she can do so, moving so quickly he blurs. Before Spencer or Blair can do anything more, he has the guide face down on the desk, with her arms pinned behind her.
“How dare you try and harm an underage guide?” Don snarls.
“He can’t talk to me like that!”
“He can talk to you anyway he wants because he’s underage. The guide laws are specific and you’ve just broken a dozen of them. You could have made any sentinel in this building feral. You’re leaving, now, and you won’t ever come near Blair or Spencer again. And you won’t work at a Center again; I’ll make sure of that.” Don jerks the woman around. Then, to Blair, he says, “Stay here and I’ll take you to the Alpha after I’ve taken out the trash,” he shakes the woman, “And informed the Director of what’s happened.”
Blair nods, drawing Spencer away from the woman. As Don drags her away, he frowns. “Spencer, you can’t speak that way to people.”
Spencer flushes. “She shouldn’t talk that way to you. It’s not right.”
“You let her anger into yourself. You can’t do that. It isn’t your burden to bear. We’ve talked about this before.”
Spencer shakes his head. “This isn’t like with my mother. I looked into her. I wanted to see why she was so hateful, but she’s just so jealous that she’s let it corrupt her. I pity her sentinel because she’ll just pour all that hate into him and he’ll be damaged by it. She’ll blame him for taking so long. Like it’s on purpose.”
“Spencer… Your sentinel would come for you if he knew how to find you.”
“I know.” Spencer says firmly. “And you should, too.”
“I do.” Blair says softly. “Sometimes, it just gets hard. I think I can feel him, though. Just out of reach. And the feeling is getting stronger.”