I can see why this universe would give you a hard time especially in the long term, but I do enjoy what you've done with it here. I'm not that familiar with ANTM myself, but I know the premise and I've seen an episode here and there, and I'd TOTALLY watch this season ^_^
If you're looking for ConCrit the only thing I can think of specifically is that Sho felt just a bit OOC for me. You have a couple of conflicting scenes about him that don't really suit each other so well. But other than that this really did seem to work!
Thanks! :) Yeah, this was hard. This isn't the kind of writing that comes to me naturally & I really have no clue how to spin it out much less develop the style.
Could you tell me more about the conflicting Sho scenes/characterisation? I'd love to know, really. Anything that'll help, you know?
I think what struck me most as conflicting were two particular moments: Having Sho parade around after having "borrowed" Jun's clothes, and the stiff/formal way he conducted his interview just a couple of minutes later. There's also the fact that he just let Jun strip him- if you're going for stiff with Sho, he'd have asked Jun to let him change out of them himself, or he'd at least try and stop Jun from just undressing him instead of standing there.
I'm not sure where I stand on the rest, I can see him easily being frustrated by the competition so that worked for me, and I can see him having a crush on Nino/Aiba (couldn't tell which), but somehow the whole set doesn't mesh very well. It's like you're trying to pull him in too many directions at once. Individually the Sho moments work, but they don't make so much of a coherent whole.
I hope this came out as more con and less crit -_-;; feel free to ignore anything I have to say!
No really, I appreciate the insight! Wish that you could do that to my writing in general, ngl. It's probably why people have betas but I've never had one. Anyway, I wrote this in bits & pieces and like I said, it didn't work for me at all. I do kind of regret posting it a little now, I should have at least cleaned it up a little first even though it's so short...
It's definitely 'con' for me, don't worry! I'm always grateful for concrit. I haven't really been into fic as much too so thanks for reading & commenting!
in other news, i obviously had to click this, because antm is a huge guilty pleasure. whatever misgivings you have about it, the novelty of the idea didn't stop there - i like that you began with the confessionals, which are generally what i dislike most in antm but if it's arashi then - all the way. i like the mention of jun in sweats, especially; there's this very comfortable feel to it, and it jives with the whole spirit of the thing.
i love aiba's excitement which he is so willing to display, and the fact that a guest manages to make them all sit up straight - really nice touch of realism there. i also love sho's sort of self-contradictory appearance - though i did have to look up noetic; this is one of the things i miss most about reading you - the fact that he's just as prone to a bit of overindulgence and has to worry about it - realism again. sorry idk if that sentence made sense but. this is
( ... )
Wow Gee you still read and you've just left a comment as awesome as yourself! Thanks a lot, it really means that much to me especially because this one is so short and unfocused so your unfeigned sincerity is milk and cream to me, baby!
No but seriously you're actually making me think about a lot of things in this piece because your comment is so thoughtful and sensitive!
Hi there! I just stumbled upon this fic and, well, I don't usually comment very much, but I just had to let you know how much I enjoyed this! I know you said it gave you trouble, but really I completely adored the whole thing.
For me, everyone felt in character, but it was a fresh take on them. I loved every one of them right down to Sho and his pudding cup.
You have no idea how fantastic your comment is and truly, it made my day. Thank you, thank you, thank you! I appreciate that you came out and commented so much!
Aaah I'm so late replying to this but I'm happy for every single comment that I get and need to tell you that you made my day by saying so! I find the possibilities for this particular AU very amusing myself. Thank you so much! ♥
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I can see why this universe would give you a hard time especially in the long term, but I do enjoy what you've done with it here. I'm not that familiar with ANTM myself, but I know the premise and I've seen an episode here and there, and I'd TOTALLY watch this season ^_^
If you're looking for ConCrit the only thing I can think of specifically is that Sho felt just a bit OOC for me. You have a couple of conflicting scenes about him that don't really suit each other so well. But other than that this really did seem to work!
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Could you tell me more about the conflicting Sho scenes/characterisation? I'd love to know, really. Anything that'll help, you know?
Reply
I'm not sure where I stand on the rest, I can see him easily being frustrated by the competition so that worked for me, and I can see him having a crush on Nino/Aiba (couldn't tell which), but somehow the whole set doesn't mesh very well. It's like you're trying to pull him in too many directions at once. Individually the Sho moments work, but they don't make so much of a coherent whole.
I hope this came out as more con and less crit -_-;; feel free to ignore anything I have to say!
Reply
It's definitely 'con' for me, don't worry! I'm always grateful for concrit. I haven't really been into fic as much too so thanks for reading & commenting!
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and:
Sho walks past the bedroom. And goes by again.
And again.
your pacing here was eerily perfect.
in other news, i obviously had to click this, because antm is a huge guilty pleasure. whatever misgivings you have about it, the novelty of the idea didn't stop there - i like that you began with the confessionals, which are generally what i dislike most in antm but if it's arashi then - all the way. i like the mention of jun in sweats, especially; there's this very comfortable feel to it, and it jives with the whole spirit of the thing.
i love aiba's excitement which he is so willing to display, and the fact that a guest manages to make them all sit up straight - really nice touch of realism there. i also love sho's sort of self-contradictory appearance - though i did have to look up noetic; this is one of the things i miss most about reading you - the fact that he's just as prone to a bit of overindulgence and has to worry about it - realism again. sorry idk if that sentence made sense but. this is ( ... )
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No but seriously you're actually making me think about a lot of things in this piece because your comment is so thoughtful and sensitive!
You are so lovely. ♥
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For me, everyone felt in character, but it was a fresh take on them. I loved every one of them right down to Sho and his pudding cup.
Thank you for posting it! :)
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The way you described them and the things they did, it's all so Arashi, but in model form! X3
Thanks for sharing! ♥
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