Special Topics in Experimental Causality
I am going to write this here. I am going to write this now.
I am going to write this here and now, and see what happens, and then decide what to do next. This is an experiment in causality.
I could think more about it first; think about who owns this platform, where the servers are located, who reads these blogs, who benefits from content posted ( Read more... )
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Crutches
Reflecting on the past seven-ish years since I stopped regularly writing here, I believe that I did not use this forum so much as a crutch, but as scaffolding. The written world of The Ephemeral Tourist, with its imaginary versions of everyone in my life, was an idealized setting where we all were only the things that I liked best about my social circles and I think these mind-models informed how I behaved in real life. Writing was a process that distilled my experience into the things I wanted to keep; to make a part of me by pulling them out of the natural flow of forgetting and consciously storing it somewhere.
Without this distillation into memory, I remember instead with my body, with my sensations. I remember the things that hurt me or stress me. Anxiety and fear become the engine of memory. It is animal memory. I sort of hate it.
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The Social History of Things
My life is also equipped with many things that have memories of people attached. These associations come to mind when I use a mug or wash a spoon or move a magnet on the refrigerator. In the majority of cases, the people are gone from my life. The relationships ended by cessation, separation, or death. Something akin to hope makes me think that some of these relationships are only paused and that they can come to life again like a perennial plant if the long winters of inattention would just end.
When I read that Studio Gainax, who I knew of as the makers of the Daicon shorts and FLCL, also made Neon Genesis Evangelion, I wanted to see more and started episode 1, but I noticed that I wasn't reading NGE the same way as the other works.
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I wrote "reading" just now, instead of "viewing", out of... habit? Colloquially, we read text, but we view audio-visual content. I think it was studying structuralist criticism in university where they professed that anything that encoded meaning was a "text" for ( ... )
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