I let her sleep in our bed. I would say I wanted her to feel safe but that's a lie. Half way through the night I ended up on the floor, I couldn't get warm.

The drive to Philly was quiet and it was raining. Jane still sleeping.

Masks, temperature checks, the waiting room filled up quickly.

When they called us back, I went with her. They said we ( Read more... )

Covid restrictions. The two of us most likely can't enter pre-op for the little one's eye surgery tomorrow.

Housework piles up. Kids virtual schooling.

Me, I'm trying to be quiet, stay out of the frame.

Resting has never been so easy.

Bryan was off work today, spent most of his day in the yard, building the kids playhouse. In the late afternoon we went Estelle Manor, stumbled upon our grandmother's graves. The kids played at the park, then ran through ( Read more... )

Lacing up my running shoes standing up, bent over in the living room and it's still dark out. Driving alone on a warm November morning, out for cold brew, while my household still sleeps. Running a 5k over a bridge connecting two cities. Me, myself, and the concrete. These are times I feel free. These are the things I can't wait to tell them.

Time ( Read more... )

There were times I would quit jobs or drop entire college courses, just because it was a nice day out.

I just won't be that then, the sun is out, and it's warm.

Sunlight is still a very important resource to me, but there are things I just can't quit now. I have a family. Time is a constraint.

But time is elastic, I can steal a few moments in the ( Read more... )

Like a true New Jersey Autumn, it feels like Spring. I fill the trunk of my car with all the usual suspects, singing to myself .

My day will be spent indoors, spared from the warm air and bright blues.

I don't panic, I just allow my mind to quietly fill with existential dread. Like a real working class hero.

Ooooh, why am I cooler than you?

is not unlike my mood to dig ditches ( Read more... )

The year is 2020. I just exchanged a loaf of homemade bread and garlic herb butter for two cartons of eggs. Rad.

That's all.

people from HS will FB friend me, and I'll have no recollection of their faces, just a far-off smokey memory of their names and I'll think to myself

wait who the fuck is this bitch?

And I wonder if I didn't spend so much energy hating myself and thinking that everyone else hated me, I might of had the ability to pay attention

to the details.