(no subject)
I've been re-evaluating a lot of my choices in my personal life lately.
Am I regretting my choices? My views have always been to avoid situations that can cause someone distress or cause someone to be upset. I don't know, I just figure like, one person bearing the brunt of it rather than multiple people getting involved, or upset, or the possibility of drama. I'd just. Rather deal with it myself, alone, rather than a bunch of others.
But now I feel like because of that I've pushed away pretty much all of my friends. I mean, sure the argument is there that "You'll never know unless something like that actually happens," but I've seen it once or twice not just with myself, but with others. I feel like I'd rather protect them from that pain, because they're my friends? But at the same time, I'm now pretty much alienated myself because of it. I'm next to never included in plans and rarely asked to participate in anything.
"But if you explained to your friends, they should understand?" It's not that simple and it's definitely not something you could speak so freely about to anyone? Like random acquaintances you still want to hang out with, but. And even then, there were friends who I considered to know enough about how upset it makes me, and how much I try to deal with it on my own to understand, but then it either back fires and they use it against me (and end up not being a friend at all) or their friendship just fades away.
So complicated.