an EU-mandated lunch break
For those of you interested in Americana, I highly recommend you subscribe to Harper's weekly
Harper's WEEKLY REVIEW
The 110th Congress convened on Capitol Hill, and
Representative Nancy Pelosi of California kicked off her
tenure as America's first female speaker of the House
with four days of parties dubbed "Pelosi-Palooza." The
festivities included a performance by singer Tony
Bennett and an honorary street-naming in Pelosi's
hometown of Baltimore. Senator Robert Byrd of West
Virginia disrupted the Congress's opening prayer with
shouts of "Yes, Lord!" and "Mmmhmmm!" and Senator Ted
Kennedy of Massachusetts mimed tipping a bottle to his
mouth. Congress's first Muslim member took his oath on
a Koran once owned by Thomas Jefferson, and a Buddhist
representative swore in on no book at all. The inauguration
of Governor Eliot Spitzer of New York was celebrated with
a twelve-liter bottle of Veuve Clicquot that required a
wrench to uncork and bloodied the hand of its opener, and
concerns about terrorism prompted Governor Jim Gibbons
of Nevada to take his oath shortly after midnight on
New Year's despite the admitted absence of any known
threat. Former President George Herbert Walker Bush
imitated the comedian Dana Carvey imitating himself at a
service for the late President Gerald Ford. Newly released
FBI files revealed that the late Chief Justice William
Rehnquist checked into a hospital for sedative dependency
in 1981. During his rehabilitation, Rehnquist spoke of
"a CIA plot against him" and tried to escape from the
hospital clad in his pajamas. After two centuries without
Congressional representation, it appeared that residents
of Washington, D.C. might get a vote.
Iraqi Prime Minister Nouri al-Maliki announced that he
would not be seeking a second term. "I didn't want to
take this position," said al-Maliki. "I wish it could be
done with even before the end of this term." Grandmothers
gathered in Times Square to hold a vigil for the 3,000
U.S. soldiers who have died in Iraq, and the Army
apologized for sending letters to officers killed in
action urging them to reenlist. Iraqi security guards
were arrested for taking illegal cell phone footage of
Shi'ite officials taunting Saddam Hussein before he was
hanged. President Hosni Mubarak of Egypt called images
of the execution "revolting and barbaric," and Libya
announced its intention to erect a statue of Hussein on
the gallows. Master Sgt. Robert Ellis, a senior medical
adviser responsible for Hussein's care in Baghdad, praised
the stoicism displayed by Hussein. "Saddam," he said,
"was gangsta." A Texas ten-year-old who had seen video
footage of the execution died after hanging himself from
his bunk bed.
Armenian politicians were accused of buying votes with
potatoes, and King Abdullah II of Jordan complained that
odors from an Israeli livestock facility were wafting
into his palace on the Red Sea. Scientists were performing
experiments to turn gay sheep straight. A two-faced calf
was born on a farm in Virginia. "Genetically, this is one
of my better calves," said its owner. The FDA approved
Slentrol, a weight loss drug for dogs. Local police claimed
ownership of a rare meteorite that crashed through the
roof of a New Jersey family's house, and United Airlines
employees claimed to have seen a saucer-like object
hovering over O'Hare Airport last fall. A woman watching
New Year's fireworks in Florida avoided serious injury when
a shot fired into the air glanced off the golden strap
of her "very cheap" brassiere. In Jonesboro, Arkansas,
a kindergartener brought a gun to school; in Sydney,
Australia, feuding families armed with knives, baseball
bats, metal poles, planks, branches, cricket bats, pick
handles, screwdrivers, golf clubs, curtain rods and glass
bottles rumbled; and in Houston, Texas, the lawyer for a
teenager whose forehead contains a subpoenaed 9mm bullet
said that his client would allow the bullet to be removed
as long as he is not charged with capital murder. Shooting
threatened to replace golf as UK executives' social
networking sport of choice. A study found that American
workers were receiving the "silent treatment" from angry
bosses, and the nation of Qatar appeared to have been
blocked from editing Wikipedia. A British man died of a
heart attack when ambulance crews could not be dispatched
because they were on an EU-mandated lunch break, and a
lawyer representing a French prisoner who ripped out
and ate the heart of a fellow inmate said his client
had been denied a request for isolation. In New York
City, a veteran saved a teenager from an oncoming subway
train by throwing himself over the boy's body and keeping
still as two cars passed inches above their heads. Mayor
Michael Bloomberg presented the vet with a medal for
civic achievement and one year of free bus and subway
rides. Seattle parents defended their decision to stunt
the growth of their brain-impaired nine-year-old daughter,
a man shot a thousand-pound wild hog in suburban Atlanta,
and it was reported that an 80-year-old great-grandmother
in Kentucky had killed her first deer on a hunt in
November. "Ka-powie!" said the woman. "Don't stop doing
things 'til you're in the grave!"
-- Miriam Markowitz
Harper's WEEKLY REVIEW
The 110th Congress convened on Capitol Hill, and
Representative Nancy Pelosi of California kicked off her
tenure as America's first female speaker of the House
with four days of parties dubbed "Pelosi-Palooza." The
festivities included a performance by singer Tony
Bennett and an honorary street-naming in Pelosi's
hometown of Baltimore. Senator Robert Byrd of West
Virginia disrupted the Congress's opening prayer with
shouts of "Yes, Lord!" and "Mmmhmmm!" and Senator Ted
Kennedy of Massachusetts mimed tipping a bottle to his
mouth. Congress's first Muslim member took his oath on
a Koran once owned by Thomas Jefferson, and a Buddhist
representative swore in on no book at all. The inauguration
of Governor Eliot Spitzer of New York was celebrated with
a twelve-liter bottle of Veuve Clicquot that required a
wrench to uncork and bloodied the hand of its opener, and
concerns about terrorism prompted Governor Jim Gibbons
of Nevada to take his oath shortly after midnight on
New Year's despite the admitted absence of any known
threat. Former President George Herbert Walker Bush
imitated the comedian Dana Carvey imitating himself at a
service for the late President Gerald Ford. Newly released
FBI files revealed that the late Chief Justice William
Rehnquist checked into a hospital for sedative dependency
in 1981. During his rehabilitation, Rehnquist spoke of
"a CIA plot against him" and tried to escape from the
hospital clad in his pajamas. After two centuries without
Congressional representation, it appeared that residents
of Washington, D.C. might get a vote.
Iraqi Prime Minister Nouri al-Maliki announced that he
would not be seeking a second term. "I didn't want to
take this position," said al-Maliki. "I wish it could be
done with even before the end of this term." Grandmothers
gathered in Times Square to hold a vigil for the 3,000
U.S. soldiers who have died in Iraq, and the Army
apologized for sending letters to officers killed in
action urging them to reenlist. Iraqi security guards
were arrested for taking illegal cell phone footage of
Shi'ite officials taunting Saddam Hussein before he was
hanged. President Hosni Mubarak of Egypt called images
of the execution "revolting and barbaric," and Libya
announced its intention to erect a statue of Hussein on
the gallows. Master Sgt. Robert Ellis, a senior medical
adviser responsible for Hussein's care in Baghdad, praised
the stoicism displayed by Hussein. "Saddam," he said,
"was gangsta." A Texas ten-year-old who had seen video
footage of the execution died after hanging himself from
his bunk bed.
Armenian politicians were accused of buying votes with
potatoes, and King Abdullah II of Jordan complained that
odors from an Israeli livestock facility were wafting
into his palace on the Red Sea. Scientists were performing
experiments to turn gay sheep straight. A two-faced calf
was born on a farm in Virginia. "Genetically, this is one
of my better calves," said its owner. The FDA approved
Slentrol, a weight loss drug for dogs. Local police claimed
ownership of a rare meteorite that crashed through the
roof of a New Jersey family's house, and United Airlines
employees claimed to have seen a saucer-like object
hovering over O'Hare Airport last fall. A woman watching
New Year's fireworks in Florida avoided serious injury when
a shot fired into the air glanced off the golden strap
of her "very cheap" brassiere. In Jonesboro, Arkansas,
a kindergartener brought a gun to school; in Sydney,
Australia, feuding families armed with knives, baseball
bats, metal poles, planks, branches, cricket bats, pick
handles, screwdrivers, golf clubs, curtain rods and glass
bottles rumbled; and in Houston, Texas, the lawyer for a
teenager whose forehead contains a subpoenaed 9mm bullet
said that his client would allow the bullet to be removed
as long as he is not charged with capital murder. Shooting
threatened to replace golf as UK executives' social
networking sport of choice. A study found that American
workers were receiving the "silent treatment" from angry
bosses, and the nation of Qatar appeared to have been
blocked from editing Wikipedia. A British man died of a
heart attack when ambulance crews could not be dispatched
because they were on an EU-mandated lunch break, and a
lawyer representing a French prisoner who ripped out
and ate the heart of a fellow inmate said his client
had been denied a request for isolation. In New York
City, a veteran saved a teenager from an oncoming subway
train by throwing himself over the boy's body and keeping
still as two cars passed inches above their heads. Mayor
Michael Bloomberg presented the vet with a medal for
civic achievement and one year of free bus and subway
rides. Seattle parents defended their decision to stunt
the growth of their brain-impaired nine-year-old daughter,
a man shot a thousand-pound wild hog in suburban Atlanta,
and it was reported that an 80-year-old great-grandmother
in Kentucky had killed her first deer on a hunt in
November. "Ka-powie!" said the woman. "Don't stop doing
things 'til you're in the grave!"
-- Miriam Markowitz