ethnicity, sexuality, religion and communication
i wrote this as a comment on a blog discussing the situation with the guy announcing that he was the "gay girl in damascus".
i feel a bit sorry for him, even tho i think he made some serious mistakes. i can see very much how things could get to the point they got with him, it's just a shame that he couldn't. i think he thought outside the box just enough to get him into trouble but not enough to turn the idea into something marvelous.
if the whole thing had been written with the intent that one day people would find out it was him and it was a commentary on both the real-life situation, and the peripheral problems that had left him feeling marginalized in the community of activists, it could have been good in more than one way. instead it started out as him playing around with an idea that later got out of hand and went viral and he didn't know how to deal with it. he felt like the girl had her own voice and like a good but inexperienced writer of fiction, his character got away from him. in a lot of ways it mirrors the way some multiple groups first figure out that they are plural and quickly destroy their social-lives trying to come to terms with it.
in a sense tho, i think what he wrote can still be useful because it has lots of people talking about it and a lot of the discussion i've seen has been pretty intelligent.
i do think it's sorta sad that it's so hard for people to talk about racial issues without having their ideas dismissed. doesn't matter what your ethnic background someone will dismiss what you have to say because of some stereotype.
and while it's not ok to pretend to be someone more "acceptable" with whoever you happen to be talking to about those issues, it is tempting. we've even been tempted to say we're native american because of a friend who has tribal affiliation insisting that she thinks we must have some kind of native heritage because of how we look(but also partly because much of the culture and history is so interesting and valuable to us, which is apparently rare among the natives she actually does know).
it's also very easy, as a white male(which we physically are), to feel like you are a boring person, and like your opinions and ideas are undervalued because you are in the majority. this does happen but there's nothing really to be done about it(other than move somewhere where you're the minority!). it's an odd thing, cause people of color often have their opinions excluded or ignored by the majority, but people in the majority have a different sort of issue with not really being able to stand out, and in modern discussions of race, there is a natural reversal. if you are a white male and have a good idea or really want to contribute to the dialogue you often can't because your motives are questioned. in addition you get the situation where white males have often marginalized anyone else's ideas so now theirs are. "a taste of their own medicine" whether it be deserved or not(both occur frequently).
i think the whole thing is a bit tragic. growing up we were always the odd person who broke the mold - only white person willing to play on the "black" little-league team(in a louisianan town where we got subjected to racism along with everyone else), only non-druggie who enjoyed associating with stoners or other outcasts. a member of all the "geeky" school clubs who was friends with people from the popular cliques, a christian(at the time) who was willing to be friends with pagans and atheists...
we see all of the wonderful persepectives that people have, and they overwhelm the flaws(which are also universal). we've even liked a few of the painfully racist people we've met in rural arkansas and hopefully with our words maybe tweaked their perspectives slightly. we certainly understand their fears better after having actually listened to them.
i just wish everyone was willing to put aside their differences and really. just. listen. sometimes it happens naturally for little bits of time, but often it takes big ridiculous things. like some guy causing an international uproar for pretending to be a gay syrian girl, to get people sitting down and thinking about how they think and feel, and talking about the personal why's behind all of their ideas.
overall we hope that maybe this situation will result in greater awareness of issues around the interaction of homosexuality, ethnicity, and religion.
it's discussions like the one on the original journal we commented on that make me think that those hopes we hold onto are actually justified tho!
on some level tho it does scare me because here i am: a bisexual girl in a body that is entirely male, who isn't willing to conform to the semi-acceptable "transgender" category that has been created in my society. i have actually had a transgender friend tell me that all this "plural identity" thing is just me trying to avoid coming to terms with my transgendered nature! and i have to wonder: where do i fit? must i either be a guy who has some issue that makes him act femme and have more than one person in his head(which is what some people think) or must i fit into the category of transgender in denial that my friend assigned me(because of her own past issues)?
i wish people would be less insistent that their preconceived notions applied to everyone else. maybe if we could do more of that then we would do a better job of helping each other deal with the problems each of us face, whether it be emotional, religious, psychological, political, or whatever. the key is to listen, and to care, no matter how hard to understand or unlike you the other person may be.
~kat
i feel a bit sorry for him, even tho i think he made some serious mistakes. i can see very much how things could get to the point they got with him, it's just a shame that he couldn't. i think he thought outside the box just enough to get him into trouble but not enough to turn the idea into something marvelous.
if the whole thing had been written with the intent that one day people would find out it was him and it was a commentary on both the real-life situation, and the peripheral problems that had left him feeling marginalized in the community of activists, it could have been good in more than one way. instead it started out as him playing around with an idea that later got out of hand and went viral and he didn't know how to deal with it. he felt like the girl had her own voice and like a good but inexperienced writer of fiction, his character got away from him. in a lot of ways it mirrors the way some multiple groups first figure out that they are plural and quickly destroy their social-lives trying to come to terms with it.
in a sense tho, i think what he wrote can still be useful because it has lots of people talking about it and a lot of the discussion i've seen has been pretty intelligent.
i do think it's sorta sad that it's so hard for people to talk about racial issues without having their ideas dismissed. doesn't matter what your ethnic background someone will dismiss what you have to say because of some stereotype.
and while it's not ok to pretend to be someone more "acceptable" with whoever you happen to be talking to about those issues, it is tempting. we've even been tempted to say we're native american because of a friend who has tribal affiliation insisting that she thinks we must have some kind of native heritage because of how we look(but also partly because much of the culture and history is so interesting and valuable to us, which is apparently rare among the natives she actually does know).
it's also very easy, as a white male(which we physically are), to feel like you are a boring person, and like your opinions and ideas are undervalued because you are in the majority. this does happen but there's nothing really to be done about it(other than move somewhere where you're the minority!). it's an odd thing, cause people of color often have their opinions excluded or ignored by the majority, but people in the majority have a different sort of issue with not really being able to stand out, and in modern discussions of race, there is a natural reversal. if you are a white male and have a good idea or really want to contribute to the dialogue you often can't because your motives are questioned. in addition you get the situation where white males have often marginalized anyone else's ideas so now theirs are. "a taste of their own medicine" whether it be deserved or not(both occur frequently).
i think the whole thing is a bit tragic. growing up we were always the odd person who broke the mold - only white person willing to play on the "black" little-league team(in a louisianan town where we got subjected to racism along with everyone else), only non-druggie who enjoyed associating with stoners or other outcasts. a member of all the "geeky" school clubs who was friends with people from the popular cliques, a christian(at the time) who was willing to be friends with pagans and atheists...
we see all of the wonderful persepectives that people have, and they overwhelm the flaws(which are also universal). we've even liked a few of the painfully racist people we've met in rural arkansas and hopefully with our words maybe tweaked their perspectives slightly. we certainly understand their fears better after having actually listened to them.
i just wish everyone was willing to put aside their differences and really. just. listen. sometimes it happens naturally for little bits of time, but often it takes big ridiculous things. like some guy causing an international uproar for pretending to be a gay syrian girl, to get people sitting down and thinking about how they think and feel, and talking about the personal why's behind all of their ideas.
overall we hope that maybe this situation will result in greater awareness of issues around the interaction of homosexuality, ethnicity, and religion.
it's discussions like the one on the original journal we commented on that make me think that those hopes we hold onto are actually justified tho!
on some level tho it does scare me because here i am: a bisexual girl in a body that is entirely male, who isn't willing to conform to the semi-acceptable "transgender" category that has been created in my society. i have actually had a transgender friend tell me that all this "plural identity" thing is just me trying to avoid coming to terms with my transgendered nature! and i have to wonder: where do i fit? must i either be a guy who has some issue that makes him act femme and have more than one person in his head(which is what some people think) or must i fit into the category of transgender in denial that my friend assigned me(because of her own past issues)?
i wish people would be less insistent that their preconceived notions applied to everyone else. maybe if we could do more of that then we would do a better job of helping each other deal with the problems each of us face, whether it be emotional, religious, psychological, political, or whatever. the key is to listen, and to care, no matter how hard to understand or unlike you the other person may be.
~kat