Don't Die on Me, Little Seagull (2/2)
Title: Don't Die on Me, Little Seagull (2/2)
Author:myra_heart_pon
Pairing(s): AkiraxTakanori (Reita x Ruki)
Warning(s): sap, run-on sentences, thought-based, unbetaed
Comments: So, yeah.
Synopsis: He smelled of salt and sea.
Disclaimer: I own them. They are gagged in my closet as we speak. I regret nothing. Sarcasm.
The sea smells of him. As I open the taxi door after paying and getting my bag, the smell of salt and sea hits my nose. My nose gets reacquainted. I check in at the inn beside my old workplace, which has closed down because of bankrupcy, and take a walk on the beach. I spot the rock where I met him and sit. After half an hour, a little boy sits next to me. Deja Vu.
"Ne, oji-chan, what are you doing?"
Ignoring the pesky name, I turn to him and see Akira. Grown 30 something Taka sees miniature Akira. Blonde hair, brown eyes, button nose, bright smile. I stare and he coughs.
"I said, what are you doing?"
Realizing that this must be some cruel dream sent to me by my subconcious, I snort. I said to him what I said to akira, all those years ago.
"Finding something."
Little akira smiles his bright smile and laughs.
"My daddy says that some people are always finding something. He knew someone like that, y'know. He says that he hoped that while the guy he knew searched, he would be enough. But, daddy always get that sad look in his eyes when he tells me about him. So I guess he wasn't."
I stare and stare and stare. My head is filled with what ifs and how comes and this is just a dream, taka.
Then, "Taka?"
I turn and stare again. My mouth is filled with I'm sorry I left, what happened, youi have a kid, and I love you I love you I love you.
"Katsuo, go back home."
He's advancing. I deserve a slap, a fuck you, a get out of my site but, no, Akira's too good. He hugs me and says, "Welcome home, Taka," like nothing ever happened.
He smells of salt and sea and I love him and right now, realizing he has a kid, which means there's a mom, my heart is breaking.
He takes me back to his new flat. Larger than before, I note. 3 bedrooms, 2 bath, a sofa, a kitchen, with the sea as his backyard. A perfect home for his perfect little family. Katsuo goes to his room and plays with his toys and he leads me to the kitchen and he hands me a glass of water and he smiles and he laughs while I smile and laugh and pretend not to love. Morning becomes afternoon, and afternoon becomes evening. The perfect wife of Akira, who's probably going to be nice and polite and drop dead gorgeous, because Akria deserves the best, but, I'd still resent her because she took Akira and I was given the chance but I blew it, is still not here.
"D'you wanna crash here for tonight? We have a guest room now so you wouldn't complain about how a single is with two people."
I missed his laugh.
"No thanks, I stay at that inn beside the old surfshop."
No I want to stay. I want you to hold me and kiss me and love me and oh god, I love you.
"C'mon Taka, it's dark out and you don't even know the way back, You always were bad at directions."
His msile is so bright. I missed it. I missed him.
"Wouldn't the missus mind?"
His smile is gone and wait, I'm sorry, what did I say? I'm sorry, I love you, smile again, Akira, smile.
"Taiko died giving birth to Katsuo."
I'm sorry.
"I'm sorry."
He smiles and it's not as happy but it's a smile.
"Me too."
He smells of salt and sea. When I see his eyes as he talks to me about her, I know. He loves her, and my heart breaks some more.
I learn to live. A few days after we meet again, he takes me in and I'm happy but I'm still sad because he's just my friend and nothing more. I know it''s partially my fault because I'm too much of a coward to say my feelings but it's okay because I can live with the pain.
When Katsuo leaves for college, he's sad and he says goodbye to his son and Katsuo waves at him from inside the taxi. He watched the car go until it becomes a tiny dot and he cries and he smiles and I'm gonna miss him so much, taka, and I smile and hug him because he needs comfort.
He learns to live without constantly missing Taiko or Katsuo and I learn to live with him and I just being friends. I hurt and it's painful, but I don't cry anymore because it's okay.
Then I'm 50 and he's 51 and I'm on my death bed in a hospital that's just too white.
"Hey, Taka, How are you?"
I look at him and I smile because he's here and even though I'm dying he's here and he's beautiful and I love him.
"Great."
But he knows it's not so his smile becomes a bit sad but it's okay, it's a smile. I reahc up to my neck and panic when I touch nothing but bare skin. He points at the sidetable and I see the shell he gave me, turned into a necklace. I don't even remember the nurses taking it off. It's white and it's bleached but it's okay because I'm white and I'm bleached and everything is pretty much white here too anyways. Then I see more white and I realize I'm coughing and wheezing and shaking and he's panicking and pressing the nurse call button too hard and i love him.
"Akira, listen to me."
I don't know why I'm only doing this now. I guess courage comes when you least expect it.
"Akira."
Maybe it's because I won't really make it to hear his reaction.
Maybe it's because he's panicking and don't die on me, Taka, hold on.
Maybe it's because he's crying.
Maybe it's because I'm dying.
Maybe it's because he's hugging me.
"Akira, I love you."
Maybe it's because as the white obscures my view it took 4 nurses to pry his body off of mine.
Maybe it's because the last thing I heard before I go is Taka, I love you I love you I love you too.
He smelled of salt and sea, and I love him and he loves me and maybe next time we won't wait as long to be together.
A man is seen pushing a small candle to the calm sea of cerulean blue. As the sun hides under the sea, a drop of rain falls on a gravestone, several streets away from the beach. The man cries.
Matsumoto Takanori, beloved friend and lover, 1949- 1999.
Author:myra_heart_pon
Pairing(s): AkiraxTakanori (Reita x Ruki)
Warning(s): sap, run-on sentences, thought-based, unbetaed
Comments: So, yeah.
Synopsis: He smelled of salt and sea.
Disclaimer: I own them. They are gagged in my closet as we speak. I regret nothing. Sarcasm.
The sea smells of him. As I open the taxi door after paying and getting my bag, the smell of salt and sea hits my nose. My nose gets reacquainted. I check in at the inn beside my old workplace, which has closed down because of bankrupcy, and take a walk on the beach. I spot the rock where I met him and sit. After half an hour, a little boy sits next to me. Deja Vu.
"Ne, oji-chan, what are you doing?"
Ignoring the pesky name, I turn to him and see Akira. Grown 30 something Taka sees miniature Akira. Blonde hair, brown eyes, button nose, bright smile. I stare and he coughs.
"I said, what are you doing?"
Realizing that this must be some cruel dream sent to me by my subconcious, I snort. I said to him what I said to akira, all those years ago.
"Finding something."
Little akira smiles his bright smile and laughs.
"My daddy says that some people are always finding something. He knew someone like that, y'know. He says that he hoped that while the guy he knew searched, he would be enough. But, daddy always get that sad look in his eyes when he tells me about him. So I guess he wasn't."
I stare and stare and stare. My head is filled with what ifs and how comes and this is just a dream, taka.
Then, "Taka?"
I turn and stare again. My mouth is filled with I'm sorry I left, what happened, youi have a kid, and I love you I love you I love you.
"Katsuo, go back home."
He's advancing. I deserve a slap, a fuck you, a get out of my site but, no, Akira's too good. He hugs me and says, "Welcome home, Taka," like nothing ever happened.
He smells of salt and sea and I love him and right now, realizing he has a kid, which means there's a mom, my heart is breaking.
He takes me back to his new flat. Larger than before, I note. 3 bedrooms, 2 bath, a sofa, a kitchen, with the sea as his backyard. A perfect home for his perfect little family. Katsuo goes to his room and plays with his toys and he leads me to the kitchen and he hands me a glass of water and he smiles and he laughs while I smile and laugh and pretend not to love. Morning becomes afternoon, and afternoon becomes evening. The perfect wife of Akira, who's probably going to be nice and polite and drop dead gorgeous, because Akria deserves the best, but, I'd still resent her because she took Akira and I was given the chance but I blew it, is still not here.
"D'you wanna crash here for tonight? We have a guest room now so you wouldn't complain about how a single is with two people."
I missed his laugh.
"No thanks, I stay at that inn beside the old surfshop."
No I want to stay. I want you to hold me and kiss me and love me and oh god, I love you.
"C'mon Taka, it's dark out and you don't even know the way back, You always were bad at directions."
His msile is so bright. I missed it. I missed him.
"Wouldn't the missus mind?"
His smile is gone and wait, I'm sorry, what did I say? I'm sorry, I love you, smile again, Akira, smile.
"Taiko died giving birth to Katsuo."
I'm sorry.
"I'm sorry."
He smiles and it's not as happy but it's a smile.
"Me too."
He smells of salt and sea. When I see his eyes as he talks to me about her, I know. He loves her, and my heart breaks some more.
I learn to live. A few days after we meet again, he takes me in and I'm happy but I'm still sad because he's just my friend and nothing more. I know it''s partially my fault because I'm too much of a coward to say my feelings but it's okay because I can live with the pain.
When Katsuo leaves for college, he's sad and he says goodbye to his son and Katsuo waves at him from inside the taxi. He watched the car go until it becomes a tiny dot and he cries and he smiles and I'm gonna miss him so much, taka, and I smile and hug him because he needs comfort.
He learns to live without constantly missing Taiko or Katsuo and I learn to live with him and I just being friends. I hurt and it's painful, but I don't cry anymore because it's okay.
Then I'm 50 and he's 51 and I'm on my death bed in a hospital that's just too white.
"Hey, Taka, How are you?"
I look at him and I smile because he's here and even though I'm dying he's here and he's beautiful and I love him.
"Great."
But he knows it's not so his smile becomes a bit sad but it's okay, it's a smile. I reahc up to my neck and panic when I touch nothing but bare skin. He points at the sidetable and I see the shell he gave me, turned into a necklace. I don't even remember the nurses taking it off. It's white and it's bleached but it's okay because I'm white and I'm bleached and everything is pretty much white here too anyways. Then I see more white and I realize I'm coughing and wheezing and shaking and he's panicking and pressing the nurse call button too hard and i love him.
"Akira, listen to me."
I don't know why I'm only doing this now. I guess courage comes when you least expect it.
"Akira."
Maybe it's because I won't really make it to hear his reaction.
Maybe it's because he's panicking and don't die on me, Taka, hold on.
Maybe it's because he's crying.
Maybe it's because I'm dying.
Maybe it's because he's hugging me.
"Akira, I love you."
Maybe it's because as the white obscures my view it took 4 nurses to pry his body off of mine.
Maybe it's because the last thing I heard before I go is Taka, I love you I love you I love you too.
He smelled of salt and sea, and I love him and he loves me and maybe next time we won't wait as long to be together.
A man is seen pushing a small candle to the calm sea of cerulean blue. As the sun hides under the sea, a drop of rain falls on a gravestone, several streets away from the beach. The man cries.
Matsumoto Takanori, beloved friend and lover, 1949- 1999.