Tiniest Teaser Ever for TOWJWAGABI, Part 8
Oh how this part is vexing me! I can't string two words together in the QAF universe right now! I open the story and instead of working on it, I play 6,395 games of Solitaire.
Here's a bit of a teaser for the next part! I'm hoping that posting it will inspire me to keep going!
The One Where Justin's With Another Guy, and Brian Interferes, Part 8
Dan drove around for awhile after leaving the coffee shop. He took the car out down 23 where he could open her up and fly, yet he was close enough to the hospital that if he was pulled over, the cop would undoubtedly let him off with just a warning.
He'd already made up his mind to tell Justin about the job offer, he just wished he had a clue as to how he'd react.
Fuck. If that wasn't indicative of ... everything.
God, he should know how this news would hit Justin. He should at least know what direction the wind was blowing, but Dan had no idea how it would play out. He could barely articulate his own feelings about the situation, how in the hell could he predict Justin's?
How did this...this thing with a pretty little college kid get so far beyond his control? How the hell could it happen when neither one of them was looking for anything?
And now, nothing felt right. The thought of leaving Justin was ludicrous, but the idea of moving with him seemed equally far-fetched. How the fuck did it come to this?
No closer to figuring anything out, Dan finally walked into the house with a "Hey," and recognized immediately that Justin knew something.
The air was charged as Justin carefully set aside his sketch pad. "Al Carter called," he said.
"Dinner party?" Dan guessed, tossing the mail on the counter and joining Justin in the living room.
Justin slowly shook his head, intently watching Dan as he spoke. "He wanted to give you a hard time about your all-expenses paid trip to the Bahamas."
Dan froze for a second. He'd been so preoccupied about the Mass Gen job he'd forgotten about the medical conference. He nodded. "Ah."
"Al made it sound like a big deal to be asked to speak," Justin quietly continued. "Why didn't you say something?"
Dan shrug, careful to keep the defensiveness from his tone. "I should've. I just wasn't sure if..."
Justin sighed and continued shaking his head at Dan. "He asked me if I was going, and it was really humiliating that I hadn't heard anything about it."
"Sorry," Dan said softly.
Justin shrugged away the apology. "I figured if you wanted me to go along, you would've said something, so I told him I wasn't going. And you know, I'm okay with that. Whatever, you know? I wouldn't have cared, but he was, like, really surprised. He said it was always the one time of the year everyone knew Kevin wasn't a figment of your imagination."
"J, look..."
Justin finally stood up and began to restlessly pace in front of the couch. "I've been tellin' myself all this time that you're uncomfortable being out but that's bullshit! You never had a problem going anywhere with Kevin, did you? You're uncomfortable with me."
"What do you want me to say?" Dan said. "Yeah, I'm uncomfortable. I think everyone's judging me and thinking I'm some kind of pathetic old geezer, and you're only with me because I'm...
"Why do you care?" Justin demanded, arms flailing in frustration. "You know the truth! You know who you are, who I am..."
Dan scoffed and turned away, shaking his head at how wrong Justin was. "I don't know anything," he muttered.
"What?"
Dan sighed and turned back around, standing in back of a leather chair and grasping it, as if speaking at a lectern. "I'm not just going to present a paper. I'm also interviewing for a job at Massachusetts General."
Justin's irritation immediately gave way to shock. "Oh," he said vaguely. He gave a distracted snort that wasn't quite amusement and said, "When were you going to tell me that?"
"I don't know," Dan said tiredly and lamely continued. "Nothing's set...there's a million details still to work out..."
Justin made a sour face and rolled his eyes. "Christ, Dan, you're shitting at the idea of me going with you to some fucking conference, and you want me to believe it's all the fucking details that kept you from telling me about a new job? Bullshit!"
"Look, if you go with me to Boston..."
"Go with you?" Justin interrupted, incredulous at the idea. "How? I cannot fucking transfer to another school! Jesus Christ, I'm gonna be 40 before I get a fuckin' degree!"
Dan felt his face flushing hotly, and he stood there, mouth open, feeling flayed at Justin's initial reaction. "Wow, that was an easy decision, wasn't it?" he said, moving to sit down with a resounding thud. "Somehow I thought it would provoke a least a little discussion."
Justin gaped at him. "No fucking way are you going to turn this into some fucking pity party for yourself! If Al hadn't called, when were you gonna fucking tell me about all of this? When you were packing for the airport? I mean, granted I'm not the most observant guy in the universe, but even I would have noticed that, right?"
"Christ, I fucked up not telling you about everything, all right? I admit it, and I'm sorry! But excuse me for thinking there was enough between us that we'd at least talk about what it would fucking mean if I get the job!"
"What it would mean?" Justin echoed in amazement. "It would mean you live in Massachusetts and I live here! What else could it mean?"
Dan flushed again at Justin's callous assessment. "So you just categorically refuse to even consider coming with me?"
Justin gave a frustrated cry and pulled at his hair. "What the fuck? Are you nuts? I can't transfer again, Dan! I can't..."
Dan jumped to his feet, belligerently descending on Justin and shouting, "I'm supposed to pass on the fucking greatest job I will ever be offered because you can't spend another semester or two in school?”
Justin looked whip lashed at the sudden change in the discussion. "No!" he denied. "Of course not! I'd never ask you to give up..."
"Why not?" Dan yelled. "If you won't go to Boston, why the fuck wouldn't you ask me to stay here?"
Justin was bewildered by the question. He shrugged helplessly at Dan. "What...what do you mean? I wouldn't ask you to sacrifice some amazing job..."
"Why not?" Dan said again. "We're lovers, Justin. That's what you do--you make sacrifices for each other. I'm asking you right now, if I get the job, will you come with me? Fuck school! So it takes you longer to get your degree, so what!"
"Dan, God!" Justin said. "You can't just fucking spring this shit on me and demand some kind of fucking..."
"Answer me!" Dan said angrily. "Will you come or not?"
Justin paled and turned away, brushing his hands through his hair. "I can't...what... Dan, I can't..." He sounded as lost and dejected as Dan had ever heard him, and the anger evaporated.
Dan came up behind him and hesitantly hugged him. "Brian Kinney may be a huge fuckin' asshole," Dan said softly, "But he's right about one thing, J. It's time to wake up. We can't keep coasting anymore."
The quiet words seemed more devastating than anything they'd said so far. Justin's shoulder slumped, and he turned to stare at Dan with hurt, haunted eyes. Dan slowly released him, and Justin backed away from him until Dan finally reached out and grabbed his hands to keep him from retreating any further. "If I get the job, do you want to go with me?"
Justin looked distraught at the question. His eyes pleaded with Dan to let it go. "Do you?" Dan asked again.
Justin stared brokenly at Dan, then dropped his gaze. "I don't know," he whispered, eyes slowly closing as if the words caused him physical pain.
Averting his own eyes from Justin's face, Dan understood that pain when Justin said, "Do you want me to go with you?"
Dan heaved a sigh, but brought his eyes level with Justin's. "I don't know," he whispered, anguished by the admission.
What was left to say?
Silent, they stood there, lost in thought until Justin led Dan up the stairs, and they made love wordlessly and a little desperately, and then they went to sleep.
In the morning, before they left the bed, before they'd even acknowledged to each other that they were awake, Dan whispered into Justin's ear, "Come with me to Nassau."
Justin sighed, but Dan continued. "Just...come. We're not gonna figure anything out right now, and if we're gonna be miserable, let's be miserable in the Bahamas."
Justin managed a grin and a soft snort of amusement. "What if ..."
Dan shook his head, hugging Justin hard to cut off his questions. "If we split up," Dan began, and was shocked that his voice broke. He paused for a second, resting his forehead against Justin's bare shoulder, then started again, whispering fiercely into Justin's ear. "If we split up, it's not going to be because I'm some fucking chicken shit coward."
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Here's a bit of a teaser for the next part! I'm hoping that posting it will inspire me to keep going!
The One Where Justin's With Another Guy, and Brian Interferes, Part 8
Dan drove around for awhile after leaving the coffee shop. He took the car out down 23 where he could open her up and fly, yet he was close enough to the hospital that if he was pulled over, the cop would undoubtedly let him off with just a warning.
He'd already made up his mind to tell Justin about the job offer, he just wished he had a clue as to how he'd react.
Fuck. If that wasn't indicative of ... everything.
God, he should know how this news would hit Justin. He should at least know what direction the wind was blowing, but Dan had no idea how it would play out. He could barely articulate his own feelings about the situation, how in the hell could he predict Justin's?
How did this...this thing with a pretty little college kid get so far beyond his control? How the hell could it happen when neither one of them was looking for anything?
And now, nothing felt right. The thought of leaving Justin was ludicrous, but the idea of moving with him seemed equally far-fetched. How the fuck did it come to this?
No closer to figuring anything out, Dan finally walked into the house with a "Hey," and recognized immediately that Justin knew something.
The air was charged as Justin carefully set aside his sketch pad. "Al Carter called," he said.
"Dinner party?" Dan guessed, tossing the mail on the counter and joining Justin in the living room.
Justin slowly shook his head, intently watching Dan as he spoke. "He wanted to give you a hard time about your all-expenses paid trip to the Bahamas."
Dan froze for a second. He'd been so preoccupied about the Mass Gen job he'd forgotten about the medical conference. He nodded. "Ah."
"Al made it sound like a big deal to be asked to speak," Justin quietly continued. "Why didn't you say something?"
Dan shrug, careful to keep the defensiveness from his tone. "I should've. I just wasn't sure if..."
Justin sighed and continued shaking his head at Dan. "He asked me if I was going, and it was really humiliating that I hadn't heard anything about it."
"Sorry," Dan said softly.
Justin shrugged away the apology. "I figured if you wanted me to go along, you would've said something, so I told him I wasn't going. And you know, I'm okay with that. Whatever, you know? I wouldn't have cared, but he was, like, really surprised. He said it was always the one time of the year everyone knew Kevin wasn't a figment of your imagination."
"J, look..."
Justin finally stood up and began to restlessly pace in front of the couch. "I've been tellin' myself all this time that you're uncomfortable being out but that's bullshit! You never had a problem going anywhere with Kevin, did you? You're uncomfortable with me."
"What do you want me to say?" Dan said. "Yeah, I'm uncomfortable. I think everyone's judging me and thinking I'm some kind of pathetic old geezer, and you're only with me because I'm...
"Why do you care?" Justin demanded, arms flailing in frustration. "You know the truth! You know who you are, who I am..."
Dan scoffed and turned away, shaking his head at how wrong Justin was. "I don't know anything," he muttered.
"What?"
Dan sighed and turned back around, standing in back of a leather chair and grasping it, as if speaking at a lectern. "I'm not just going to present a paper. I'm also interviewing for a job at Massachusetts General."
Justin's irritation immediately gave way to shock. "Oh," he said vaguely. He gave a distracted snort that wasn't quite amusement and said, "When were you going to tell me that?"
"I don't know," Dan said tiredly and lamely continued. "Nothing's set...there's a million details still to work out..."
Justin made a sour face and rolled his eyes. "Christ, Dan, you're shitting at the idea of me going with you to some fucking conference, and you want me to believe it's all the fucking details that kept you from telling me about a new job? Bullshit!"
"Look, if you go with me to Boston..."
"Go with you?" Justin interrupted, incredulous at the idea. "How? I cannot fucking transfer to another school! Jesus Christ, I'm gonna be 40 before I get a fuckin' degree!"
Dan felt his face flushing hotly, and he stood there, mouth open, feeling flayed at Justin's initial reaction. "Wow, that was an easy decision, wasn't it?" he said, moving to sit down with a resounding thud. "Somehow I thought it would provoke a least a little discussion."
Justin gaped at him. "No fucking way are you going to turn this into some fucking pity party for yourself! If Al hadn't called, when were you gonna fucking tell me about all of this? When you were packing for the airport? I mean, granted I'm not the most observant guy in the universe, but even I would have noticed that, right?"
"Christ, I fucked up not telling you about everything, all right? I admit it, and I'm sorry! But excuse me for thinking there was enough between us that we'd at least talk about what it would fucking mean if I get the job!"
"What it would mean?" Justin echoed in amazement. "It would mean you live in Massachusetts and I live here! What else could it mean?"
Dan flushed again at Justin's callous assessment. "So you just categorically refuse to even consider coming with me?"
Justin gave a frustrated cry and pulled at his hair. "What the fuck? Are you nuts? I can't transfer again, Dan! I can't..."
Dan jumped to his feet, belligerently descending on Justin and shouting, "I'm supposed to pass on the fucking greatest job I will ever be offered because you can't spend another semester or two in school?”
Justin looked whip lashed at the sudden change in the discussion. "No!" he denied. "Of course not! I'd never ask you to give up..."
"Why not?" Dan yelled. "If you won't go to Boston, why the fuck wouldn't you ask me to stay here?"
Justin was bewildered by the question. He shrugged helplessly at Dan. "What...what do you mean? I wouldn't ask you to sacrifice some amazing job..."
"Why not?" Dan said again. "We're lovers, Justin. That's what you do--you make sacrifices for each other. I'm asking you right now, if I get the job, will you come with me? Fuck school! So it takes you longer to get your degree, so what!"
"Dan, God!" Justin said. "You can't just fucking spring this shit on me and demand some kind of fucking..."
"Answer me!" Dan said angrily. "Will you come or not?"
Justin paled and turned away, brushing his hands through his hair. "I can't...what... Dan, I can't..." He sounded as lost and dejected as Dan had ever heard him, and the anger evaporated.
Dan came up behind him and hesitantly hugged him. "Brian Kinney may be a huge fuckin' asshole," Dan said softly, "But he's right about one thing, J. It's time to wake up. We can't keep coasting anymore."
The quiet words seemed more devastating than anything they'd said so far. Justin's shoulder slumped, and he turned to stare at Dan with hurt, haunted eyes. Dan slowly released him, and Justin backed away from him until Dan finally reached out and grabbed his hands to keep him from retreating any further. "If I get the job, do you want to go with me?"
Justin looked distraught at the question. His eyes pleaded with Dan to let it go. "Do you?" Dan asked again.
Justin stared brokenly at Dan, then dropped his gaze. "I don't know," he whispered, eyes slowly closing as if the words caused him physical pain.
Averting his own eyes from Justin's face, Dan understood that pain when Justin said, "Do you want me to go with you?"
Dan heaved a sigh, but brought his eyes level with Justin's. "I don't know," he whispered, anguished by the admission.
What was left to say?
Silent, they stood there, lost in thought until Justin led Dan up the stairs, and they made love wordlessly and a little desperately, and then they went to sleep.
In the morning, before they left the bed, before they'd even acknowledged to each other that they were awake, Dan whispered into Justin's ear, "Come with me to Nassau."
Justin sighed, but Dan continued. "Just...come. We're not gonna figure anything out right now, and if we're gonna be miserable, let's be miserable in the Bahamas."
Justin managed a grin and a soft snort of amusement. "What if ..."
Dan shook his head, hugging Justin hard to cut off his questions. "If we split up," Dan began, and was shocked that his voice broke. He paused for a second, resting his forehead against Justin's bare shoulder, then started again, whispering fiercely into Justin's ear. "If we split up, it's not going to be because I'm some fucking chicken shit coward."
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