As the World Turns Fic #5: The One That Marks the Real Start
Title: The One That Marks the Real Start
Author: Myrna1_2_3
Fandom: As the World Turns
Characters/Pairings: Luke/Reid
Rating: R
Summary: This is where it really, finally starts
Disclaimer: Not-not-mine
Author’s Notes: I’m messing around a little with the details of committees and the Foundation and the hospital wing thing project. As one does.
In hindsight, Reid Oliver would say that what he’d done was a mixture of altruism and petulance. He always floated a 90/10 split, though others in his life hedged on the percentages.
Impatient to a fault and, if he were to be honest with himself, insulted that Luke Snyder could possibly quibble between a future with Noah or taking a shot with him, Reid made the decision to remove himself from the equation shortly after Noah was released from the hospital.
It wasn’t like they were breaking up. They’d never really had a chance to get together. Every time he and Luke tried to spend time together, it was a torturous evening with Luke’s guilt and Reid’s blue balls, and if they weren’t interrupted by some preposterous emergency involving Luke’s family, it was Reid’s beeper gumming up the works.
Reid had never put any stock into fate or the vagaries of the universe, but even he could see when something simply wasn’t meant to be.
They’d made plans to go to a movie one night, but instead, Reid showed up in his scrubs to deal the blow.
“Did you run long at the hospital?” Luke asked when he let Reid in. “You can take a shower if you want. We can bag the movie. Noah says it’s not nearly as good as the first…” The look on Reid’s face finally registered and Luke’s voice trailed off. “Is something wrong?” he asked, and Reid wished he’d just phoned. He was a sucker for Luke’s eyes.
“Look,” Reid gently began. “I’ve been thinking and this… this relationship thing isn’t me, and frankly, I don’t have the patience or the interest to play anymore so I’m just gonna… bow out.” Reid hadn’t meant the words to sound so unkind, and he felt his heart lurch at the way Luke started at them. He tried a rueful grin. “Not gracefully, I admit, but bow out all the same.” Reid took a deep breath and doggedly told himself Luke’s stunned reaction was just the Golden Boy shocked to be denied rather than the one to deny.
Luke stared down at the floor for a moment and clamped his gaping mouth shut. He blinked a few times, and shook his head at some internal dialogue. When he finally looked up at Reid his shoulders were hunched as if to ward off a blow. He looked horribly confused even as he said, “Okay… yeah, I understand.”
Reid felt sick and swallowed against a sour taste in his mouth. “No harm, no foul, right?” he said, trying unsuccessfully to catch Luke’s eyes.
“Okay,” said Luke, sounding vague.
“You and Noah can go back to frolicking across daisy laden fields, and I’ll run what will in very short order be the finest neurological facility in North America, and we’ll all live happily ever after.” Reid winced; knowing he was trivializing Luke’s feelings and his own, but somehow unable to stop.
“Okay.” Luke said, but shook his head at Reid, looking dazed. “I’m sorry,” he said. “I don’t know what…”
“Let’s not do that,” Reid said. “No one did anything wrong. You can’t split up something that was never together, we’re just… stopping before we start, that’s all.”
Something dimmed in Luke’s eyes as the corners of his lips turned upward; not a smile but conciliation. “Okay,” he said softly.
Reid sighed, tired and deflated. He wasn’t sure exactly what he’d expected from Luke. A request for more time to sort out his feelings? A declaration of intent? Probably none of those things, but he certainly hadn’t expected him to just go belly up and say nothing. Even if he meant to pick Noah over him, Reid figured Luke would stand tall and tell him so. This felt all kinds of wrong, but what could he do now?
Reid cupped Luke’s elbow. “We’re okay, right Luke?” he said. “We’ll see each other at meetings for the hospital and be fine, right?”
Where Luke’s face a moment ago had been flushed, now it was white, colorless. He nodded, but didn’t meet Reid’s eyes as he said, “Okay.”
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Their first couple of meetings after that were predictably awful. Reid felt stupid and exposed which never boded well for his manners, but then Luke was so mortified to be in the same room with him, Reid could hardly bare to look at him. Every time Katie blathered to him about how he should take a chance and give it a go and whatever cheerleader bullshit she was spouting for the day, all he could think about was how painful it was for the two of them to be near one another. As far as Reid was concerned you needed an armor of Teflon to willingly enter a relationship.
Reid assumed time would eventually make things tolerable, and he caught a glimpse of the old Luke one morning when they were meeting to go over a list of prospective architects for the hospital wing. “You are not going to believe this!” Luke said, waving a file in front of Reid. “It was a total long shot, I mean, total long shot, but I was reading this article in Architectural Digest that said Simon Ashby expected to wrap up his latest project in April and then I went online and they actually wrapped three weeks early which is totally unheard of, so I had Carole make a call to his office, and you will not believe this, but he’s agreed to come talk to us! Simon Ashby!”
Reid had no idea who the hell Luke was talking about, but it was the first legitimate smile Reid had seen in awhile, and he was grinning back before he could stop himself, but that reaction seemed to almost startle Luke. He ducked his head and shook it slightly then looked back to Reid with a chagrinned look on his face. “Sorry,” he said. “I didn’t mean… the decision is yours, of course.” His face was a furious red, and he stacked the unopened file folders in front of him as though the act required his undivided attention. Reid felt an uncharacteristic tug in his chest.
He didn’t want this dimmed, self-conscious version of the Luke he knew. He wanted the Luke who would have said of course it was Reid’s decision, and then gone on to list all the reasons Reid was a fool not to do whatever it was Luke wanted him to.
Reid sighed inwardly. He wanted to give Luke a hard time about a hipster interest in architecture, bust his chops that reading an article about Frank Lloyd Wright in US Today hardly made someone an aficionado on the subject. He wanted Luke to laugh and drag Reid back to his office where he probably had some 500 dollar coffee table book full of pictures of buildings. Luke would probably have marked all the pages of the buildings he wanted to see in person, and Reid would…
Jesus Christ, what? Reid thought darkly. Pretend you’re in a Lifetime movie and promise to take him to see every one of those buildings?
By the time the meeting with Simon Ashby rolled around, Reid had already spoken to three architects, and as far as he could tell they all drew straight lines with rulers. How the hell was he supposed to pick one over the other? His main criteria so far had been to try and gauge how quickly one of them would follow his instructions without clogging up the works with their own opinion. That Luke had a clear favorite was enough for Reid to go with him.
And it turns out, Simon Ashby was, as they say, sex on legs. Tall, gorgeous, and when he walked in a room he expected to own it. He flew in to Oakdale for a meeting at the Foundation, and when he shook Reid’s hand, they sized up one another instantly and traded wolfish it-takes-one-to-know-one grins. “This might be more interesting than the five-gate Oakdale airport suggested,” Simon said, eyes traveling lazily over Reid’s body.
“Don’t get your hopes up,” Reid said dryly.
“I take it you weren’t raised on one of the charming dairy farms I passed on my way here?” Simon said.
“It is with great shame that I admit I was not,” Reid said.
Luke breezed in the room then, in khakis and a striped shirt, his face flushed and his eyes dancing with excitement. He looked all of 12 years old.
“Simon Ashby? Luke Snyder,” he said holding out his hand. “It is so good to meet you. I’m a big fan of your work. I followed, like, every detail of the Danvers Building online. It was so awesome to watch, girder by girder…”
Simon had seemed momentarily shocked by Luke’s appearance, which was confirmed when he interrupted Luke to say, “I’m always happy to take on projects with an altruistic bent. But I don’t work for little boys sitting in the chair Mommy and Daddy bought him…”
Reid bowed his head, wondering why the universe was fucking with him when, really, he was one of the good guys. A whole fuckload of people on the planet and only a select few of them could open up someone’s skull, mess around for a few hours and miraculously gift that someone with years, years of life. And yet here he was, witnessing a parody of his earliest interactions with Luke that could only be some kind of cosmic punishment.
Luke reacted as if he’d slammed into a brick wall at Simon’s words. He flinched and abruptly stood up taller. “Your office vetted us before you agreed to come,” Luke reminded him, all of that enthusiasm gone in a flash. “They said you appreciated our focus and the projects we’ve sponsored in the past.”
Simon nodded grudgingly. “I try to knock out at least one project for a gay-friendly group every year,” he admitted. “In the spirit of we friends of Dorothy sticking together and all that.” He suggestively cast his eyes over toward Reid who could almost hear the bow-chicka-bow-bow theme music starting in the background.
“You’re not working for me,” Luke said calmly. “Dr. Oliver has the final say on virtually all of the design elements. I’ve assigned Art Prentiss as the project’s financial manager. He’s been in the non-profit sector for close to 20 years and was the head of the Huntington Group when they took over management of your stadium project in Seattle. You had great things to say about him in Architectural Digest.”
Simon thought to himself for a moment, then nodded again. “That’ll work,” he said. He turned to Reid and said, “Dinner? Six-thirty? I’m staying at the Hyatt.” He handed Reid a business card that included his cell phone number.
Reid cocked an eyebrow at him. “Are you assuming there’s only one Hyatt in our fair city?”
“Shouldn’t I?” he said. “Perhaps I should have said I’m staying at the hotel out near the old water tower.”
“Six-thirty,” Reid confirmed, slipping the card into his pocket. He hung back and waited for Luke and his ubiquitous pile of files to be stacked. “Sorry about that,” Reid said, which was ridiculous because it was hardly his fault Simon was an ass. Maybe he was apologizing for a similar attitude all those months ago.
Luke gave a snort of amusement, or maybe it was just weariness. “Don’t worry about it,” he said. “You might not believe this, but I get that a lot.”
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
For the next few weeks, Reid saw little of Luke. He and Simon hardly needed the Foundation offices to connect, and Prentiss was happy enough to be kept in the loop via email or phone.
Reid had thought maybe the absence would finally put everything with Luke in perspective, but lack of contact with Luke didn’t seem to affect how often Reid thought of him.
It was so…stupid, this pining or whatever the hell it was. Reid had never missed anyone in his entire life, and here he was mooning over some ridiculous kid. And yet, it seemed like everything Reid did was catalogued in the context of how he would have shared it with Luke.
Even his dalliance with Simon played through a lens of what Reid would have told Luke about it, and that made no sense whatsoever, given that if he and Luke were even remotely together, Luke would hardly have been clamoring for details about the casual (and fucking fantastic) sex he was having with Simon Ashby.
Reid knew Luke had no idea what it was like to lose himself in the delicious, decadent act of meaningless fucking around. In fact, he was sure Luke had only ever endured sex that oozed meaning out of every pore. Reid could just picture Luke attempting oh-so-earnestly to explain how sex was a beautiful, magical, makes-a-unicorn-cry experience only when there was love and significance behind it. And Reid would happily argue that it could be a hot, dirty, roll-your-eyes-all-the-way-back-in-your-head-for-a-week-to-ten-days experience without anything but a couple of hard cocks. Reid grinned to himself, imagining how Luke would feign outrage at such blasphemy until he couldn’t pretend anymore and the two of them would laugh and…
Shut the fuck up, you pathetic 13 year old girl! Reid thought, shaking the picture from his brain. If he didn’t stop with these pointless fantasies he was going to God damn lobotomize himself with a plastic fork.
Oh, hey, speaking of plastic forks: lunch.
Heading back to his office with a salad that was saved from any nutritional benefit by the abundance of fried chicken pieces, shredded cheese and ranch dressing, Reid figured he’d have to chuck it up to coincidence that just as he was thinking of Luke, he should run into Noah waiting for him in the hall.
“Noah, you don’t have an appointment today,” Reid said. God knows he wouldn’t have to check his calendar to remember that. “Is everything all right?”
“Yeah, everything’s fine,” Noah said. “Great, even!”
“That’s good,” Reid said with a dismissive smile. The silence stretched awkwardly between them--Hello, standing here with my lunch--until Reid said, “So, thanks for the update, then.”
Noah chuckled and shook his head. “Oh yeah, um, see, I was accepted to film school. In LA. I leave in a couple of weeks, and Luke, he’s throwing me a going away party. I wanted to ask you to come.”
Holy shit, but there was a lot of new information in that sentence.
Noah just stood there, looking at him expectantly, until Reid winced and said, “Thanks for the invitation, but I don’t think that’s a good…”
“Luke told me you were seeing the architect for the hospital project,” Noah said quickly. “You’re welcome to bring him.”
Reid had the good sense to refrain from explaining that he and Simon weren’t so much seeing one another as recreationally fucking. It wasn’t Noah’s business, and the shock at such heinous behavior would probably trigger a relapse. Reid smoothed down the hair at his neck and shrugged. “I don’t…”
“I know it got kinda messed up there at the end,” Noah said, and Reid bit back a sigh. He was doomed to suffer the uber sincerity of small town rubes for the rest of his life. He supposed he should look on this as good practice. Noah shrugged awkwardly. “Luke and I are done for good now, and I think… right when we first split, I knew we weren’t good together anymore, but… even if I didn’t want to be with him, I didn’t want anyone else to be either, and… I made it hard on him when I shouldn’t have, and I feel really crappy about that.”
“This is probably something you should be sharing with Luke,” Reid said, suddenly missing his practice in Dallas where not once did anyone ever interrupt his lunch to share details of their relationship’s demise.
“I have,” Noah said, “I think maybe you should know it too.” He shrugged. “Dr. Oliver, I’ve got a shot at this whole new amazing life, and it wouldn’t be possible without you. I’d really like it if you’d come to my party.”
Crap, thought Reid. He pasted a smile on his face and said, “Sure, it’ll be a big Oakdale night out for me.”
Noah grinned happily. “That’s great! Thank you! I’ll see you there.”
Reid didn’t intend to bring Simon with him, but he hadn’t anything better to do that night so he tagged along. “Besides, it’s been ages since I’ve had cocktail weenies and baked beans,” he said.
Reid sadly shook his head. “You think you’re joking, don’t you?”
They arrived at the bar where the party was being held and walked in, Simon looking around with shameless glee. Reid recognized Luke’s mother and father as well as a few faces from the hospital. It was a shame Luke wasn’t there with a scorecard so Reid could keep track of the inbred mob.
“Reminds me of the Versace party I attended in Milan last spring,” Simon said.
“Doesn’t it just?” Reid said. He elbowed Simon as they ordered drinks at the bar. “Be nice,” he said. “You’re being paroled in another month. I’m serving 20 years to live.”
They took their drinks and sat down on a couple of bar stools, grinning at each other as they surveyed the crowd. “Oh, there’s our host,” Simon said. “My God, what is he drinking, fruit punch?”
Reid looked over and saw Luke holding what looked like a glass of bright red fruit punch. He shrugged and said, “He doesn’t drink.”
Simon lifted an inquisitive brow. “And you know this how?”
“Haven’t you visited the Who’s Who in Oakdale website?” Reid asked.
“There’s an afternoon well-spent,” Simon said. “Wonder what else it would tell us about our illustrious teeny bopper benefactor.”
“Come on,” Reid said, looking down at this drink. “Lay off.”
“You know, it has not escaped my notice that most of the fine citizens of this town are not safe from your biting wit, but little old Luke, there, gets a bit of a free pass.” Simon studied him for a minute, awareness slowly dawning. “Did you fuck him?” he asked, clearly delighted by the idea. “Details. Gimme.”
“No, I didn’t fuck him,” Reid said sourly. “Not exactly for lack of trying, but you’d be surprised at how impossible it is to actually get into his pants.”
“Really?” said Simon, his interest obviously piqued. “That almost sounds like a challenge. What do you say, first one of us to bed him gets $500?”
Reid snorted. “A few months ago, I probably would’ve taken you up on that,” he said. “But now…”
“Now what?”
Reid sighed and said, “Two things I hate most in this world are hypocrisy and melodrama so I trust you will appreciate the complete and utter self-loathing that accompanies what I’m about to say to you.” He shook his head, hardly believing it had come this. “Now?” he said. “If you touch him, I’ll beat the shit out of you.”
Simon had the good sense to rein in his laughter, though he struggled to school the smile from his face. “All right,” he said. “Duly noted and all that. I don’t get it, man. All the big boy toys you could play with and you want some doe-eyed kid…”
Reid slid his eyes to the side and cocked an eyebrow. “Seriously. I’ll probably have to drug you first, but I’ll beat the shit out of you.”
Reid wandered off to speak to Noah and learned he’d earned a scholarship to an experimental USC program. There would be 20 other students in the program and the opportunity to work with several affiliated television shows and film studios. It did, indeed, sound like a great opportunity. Reid could certainly understand Noah’s excitement. He was dying to know if he and Luke had officially split up because of the opportunity or in spite of it, but before he had enough to drink, Luke joined them.
“Noah’s going to be an amazing film maker,” he said. “Someday we’ll all say we knew him when.”
Noah playfully shoved him, but Luke just laughed and said to Reid, “They’ll say he’s a visionary, and you can say you’re totally responsible for his vision.”
Reid actually shuddered to think what Noah Mayer’s artistic vision might entail, but kept that thought to himself. He managed to catch Luke’s eye-they would have shared the unspoken barb before-but Reid could only catch it for a second before Luke’s gaze slid over to Simon. He offered Reid a quick smile. “There’s doughnut cake from Huffman’s,” Luke said. “I know you’ll like it.”
Reid knew when he was being dismissed, so he graciously stepped away to use the restroom.
In his defense-not that Reid needed defending because it’s not like he purposefully set out to find some way to listen in on a private conversation-but in his defense, it was nothing but luck that on his way to the restroom, he happened to discover that as he stepped around the corner toward the kitchen, he could hear every word Luke and Noah were saying.
“I’m so proud of you,” Luke said.
“It wouldn’t have happened without you,” Noah said.
“No way,” Luke said. “This is all you. Your talent and your…”
“Luke, I know you’re behind the scholarship. It’s got the Luke-Snyder-Friend-of-the-Downtrodden touch all over it.”
Luke chuckled. “You’re not downtrodden,” he said. “You’re talented and amazing, and you’re going to do really great things.” He paused for a beat. “I want you to be happy.”
Noah gave a little laugh. “I want that for you too, you know,” he said.
Luke’s tone shifted. “I am,” he said. Noah must have given him a look of disbelief because Luke said insistently, “I am!”
“Luke…”
“Noah,” Luke said right back. “Okay, so, yeah, it’s a little crappy right now, but I’ll be all right. And hey, you never know. One of these days I’m gonna call you and say Chris Pine finally came to his senses, and we eloped!” Reid could picture the cocky grin on Luke’s face.
Noah laughed. “Your marriage won’t be legal unless I’m there to stand-up for you,” he warned.
Luke laughed too. “You know I’ll make you wear a really ugly dress so you don’t steal my thunder.”
“Yeah, you’ve got Bridezilla written all over you.” They were quiet for a minute, then Noah said, “It’s not like you to just… give up. I don’t understand why you won’t…”
“Don’t,” Luke said.
“Wanting something that’s just for you doesn’t mean you’re him,” Noah said softly. “You’re nothing like him, Luke. You never will be.”
“It’s not Damian,” Luke said. “Maybe it’s just time I learned to take no for an answer.”
“I don’t believe that for a minute, and you don’t either!” Noah said with such vehemence that Reid pictured him shaking Luke by his shoulders. “I wouldn’t be heading off to film school if you believed that, I’d still be some fucked up closet case, and you and I would never have…”
“And maybe you’d have never been blind if I’d just…”
“Stop it!” Noah said. “What, you’re going to make this long list of bad things that would have never happened if you were perfect? What will that prove? You want me to make one and we’ll see whose is longer?”
Luke gave a soft laugh. “No, fine, I get it. But there’s nothing to do here, you know? He’s seeing Simon, and even if he wasn’t, he not interested in me anymore.”
Reid’s face suddenly felt like he was facing a raging furnace. The angel on his shoulder told him that if he had a modicum of decency he would turn around right this minute and leave. The devil just said, What does modicum even mean?
“Maybe it’s not that he wasn’t interested, maybe he just thought he was giving you want you really wanted,” Noah said. “If anyone can understand that, it’s you.”
“He’s not like that,” Luke said with such certainty it annoyed Reid. What, I can’t be selfless and noble?
“ Besides, “ Luke continued, “I was stupid to think I could… I mean, really, what was going to happen? He comes home at the end of the day and talks about how, oh yeah, he saved some guy who was having a stroke and some other guy with a brain tumor, and,” Luke motioned at Noah, “And he made some blind guy see, and what, I tell him, well, hey, I filled out form G-75X-L to preserve the Foundation’s tax exempt status! I used ink!” He rolled his eyes at the idea. “I don’t even have a college degree. How long could someone like me keep someone like him interested?”
“I don’t even recognize you,” Noah said.
“Give me a break,” Luke said. “Look at who he’s with now! Simon Ashby is gorgeous, he’s smart, he’s as brilliant at his job as Reid is at his, and I’m…”
“You’re what?” Noah said as if daring Luke to finish the sentence.
Luke snorted. “None of those things,” he said pointedly.
Reid continued on to the bathroom, then found Simon back at their table. “Long line at the urinal?” Simon asked, one eyebrow lifted in exaggerated curiosity.
Reid rolled his eyes and shook his head. “I am colossally fucked,” he said, more to himself than Simon. Well, what the hell could he do. He reached out and squeezed Simon’s arm and said, “I’m sorry to bail on you, but I’ve gotta go… build a God damned life with Luke.”
Simon sighed with mock sadness. “In my experience, sex with a doctor has always been either brilliant or complete shit.”
Reid laughed and gave a knowing nod. It was quiet between them for a beat and then Reid gave Simon a sidewise glance. “You can’t possibly think I don’t know which it is with me.”
Simon laughed. “So you can understand I was planning on this thing lasting until the end of the project,” he said good-naturedly.
Reid nodded ruefully. “Yeah, I should have been good for it,” he said.
“Just tell me this,” Simon said. “Does he even own a pair of shoes without laces?”
“What part of beat the shit out of you is giving you the most trouble?” Reid said.
Simon laughed and held up his hands in surrender. “I will forthwith be a beacon of goodness and light, I promise.”
Reid drove Simon home and wouldn’t remember making a conscious decision. He simply turned out of the hotel parking lot, heading over to Luke’s and hoping crow made for an appetizing midnight snack.
Lights were on at Luke’s, though Reid didn’t think it would have mattered if they weren’t. It didn’t occur to him that Noah might be there-- they were both too earnest for any kind of one-for-the-road tryst.
Reid pushed the doorbell and snorted at the thundering of his heart. He hadn’t been this nervous waiting for his board results. Then again, there was never any question about how his board results would go. Was there a question about how this would go?
Luke open the door, looking floored to find Reid on his doorstep. “Hey,” Reid said. “I need to talk to you. Can I come in?”
Luke stared at the ground for a few seconds, then opened the door wide and quietly said, “Okay.”
And Reid thought, No we are not fucking doing it like this again.
Reid moved into the living, but stopped short of sitting down. Luke stood in the doorway to the room, watching Reid warily. “I feel like I should explain about Simon,” Reid said. “You probably don’t get it, but I’ve always…”
Luke rushed to interrupt him. “No, I get it, Reid, God, of course,” he said. “He’s, like, totally hot and he’s lived all over the world, accomplished unbelievable things, why wouldn’t you…”
Reid stood there for a moment, flayed. Luke thought he had barged into his home in the middle of the night to list the reasons why he preferred Simon to Luke.
“No,” Reid said, his voice soft and low. “You don’t get it at all, Luke.” Luke met his eyes with a look of such yearning on his face. “Simon and I were messing around because it felt good, and we both knew it was never going to be anything but getting each other off. I know that’s not how you play it, but I didn’t want you to think it was anything like what we… might have.”
It didn't look like the words were any comfort to Luke. “Why are you telling me this?” he asked.
“I thought the last time I was here, I was…releasing you from something or maybe pushing you in the direction you wanted to go, but really, I think when we got really, really close to the gun going off, I just couldn’t take the suspense any more, and I just walked away.” Reid carefully moved closer to where Luke was standing. “And I regret doing that.”
Luke’s eyes were wide, a hopeful gleam threatening to shred Reid from the inside. “But Simon, he’s… he’s everything I’m…”
“Luke,” Reid said, his tone vaguely scolding. “You have to know, you have to know that what you and I are… no one else will ever come close to that.”
Luke’s breath caught in his throat, and Reid smiled, and for the first time in a month felt a delicious, relaxing warmth spreading through his bones. “If you just give me the chance…” Reid stopped and gruffly cleared his throat. He slid his fingers through Luke’s and gently brought Luke’s body as close to his as he could. He looked down at their clasped hands, his whispered words half-promise; half-prayer, “If you give me the chance, I’ll be good to you.”
Luke took another shuddering breath. “I want this so much,” he said, and if Reid hadn’t been eavesdropping that evening, he would have been confused by the tortured look on Luke’s face. And even so, there were still so many details he was missing; so many things he didn’t know yet. But he would; all of Luke was going to be his for the discovery.
For the moment, Reid just shrugged easily at Luke’s words. “Well, you should,” he said. “Now we can quit all the panty bunching, belly aching bullshit and finally skip to the good part.”
There it was again, that smile. Reid could picture a white-haired man on that same couch, still trying to coax that beautiful smile out of Luke. Reid inwardly rolled his eyes at such blatant sentiment and thought, We’re not seriously going to have this couch 30 years from now, are we?
“I really, really want the good part to start,” Luke said, sounding breathless. He grabbed the front of Reid’s shirt in his fist, and hungrily kissed him, and as it always happened, the explosion of want and need was overwhelming. Nothing had ever brought Reid so far out of his own head as kissing Luke. Christ, if they ever got to actual sex he was going to be orbiting Jupiter.
Somehow they ended up on the couch where Luke was panting, “Oh God, oh God!” He pulled back to look at Reid like he was crazy. “Why aren’t you fucking me yet?”
“Oh there’ll be fucking,” Reid vowed. “We’re gonna kick this off with obscene amounts of mindless fucking and just ride that train until we get all the way to for better, for worse, to love, honor and obey.”
Luke snickered. “I thought mindless sex was supposed to be with a bunch of strangers.”
“Uh, no,” Reid said, as if he couldn’t understand where Luke got a stupid misconception like that. “That’s gonna be all me.”
“But didn’t you get to have yours with…”
“We’re three minutes in, Luke, just go with me here.”
Luke was unconvinced. “It sets a really dangerous precedent if I…”
Reid lifted his chin with characteristic arrogance that made Luke laugh and flush all at once. His words were instructions to them both. “Be brave.”
Luke gracefully slid over Reid until he was straddling him. He pulled back, arms straight out in front of him, his hands on Reid’s shoulder. His head was cocked a little to the side, his look was measuring, and Reid waited, sure of Luke’s answer but wanting to hear it just the same. Luke leaned forward, and before he met Reid’s lips, before he slid his tongue into Reid’s mouth, before every last part of him was laid bare for Reid, he whispered, “Okay.”
#
Author: Myrna1_2_3
Fandom: As the World Turns
Characters/Pairings: Luke/Reid
Rating: R
Summary: This is where it really, finally starts
Disclaimer: Not-not-mine
Author’s Notes: I’m messing around a little with the details of committees and the Foundation and the hospital wing thing project. As one does.
In hindsight, Reid Oliver would say that what he’d done was a mixture of altruism and petulance. He always floated a 90/10 split, though others in his life hedged on the percentages.
Impatient to a fault and, if he were to be honest with himself, insulted that Luke Snyder could possibly quibble between a future with Noah or taking a shot with him, Reid made the decision to remove himself from the equation shortly after Noah was released from the hospital.
It wasn’t like they were breaking up. They’d never really had a chance to get together. Every time he and Luke tried to spend time together, it was a torturous evening with Luke’s guilt and Reid’s blue balls, and if they weren’t interrupted by some preposterous emergency involving Luke’s family, it was Reid’s beeper gumming up the works.
Reid had never put any stock into fate or the vagaries of the universe, but even he could see when something simply wasn’t meant to be.
They’d made plans to go to a movie one night, but instead, Reid showed up in his scrubs to deal the blow.
“Did you run long at the hospital?” Luke asked when he let Reid in. “You can take a shower if you want. We can bag the movie. Noah says it’s not nearly as good as the first…” The look on Reid’s face finally registered and Luke’s voice trailed off. “Is something wrong?” he asked, and Reid wished he’d just phoned. He was a sucker for Luke’s eyes.
“Look,” Reid gently began. “I’ve been thinking and this… this relationship thing isn’t me, and frankly, I don’t have the patience or the interest to play anymore so I’m just gonna… bow out.” Reid hadn’t meant the words to sound so unkind, and he felt his heart lurch at the way Luke started at them. He tried a rueful grin. “Not gracefully, I admit, but bow out all the same.” Reid took a deep breath and doggedly told himself Luke’s stunned reaction was just the Golden Boy shocked to be denied rather than the one to deny.
Luke stared down at the floor for a moment and clamped his gaping mouth shut. He blinked a few times, and shook his head at some internal dialogue. When he finally looked up at Reid his shoulders were hunched as if to ward off a blow. He looked horribly confused even as he said, “Okay… yeah, I understand.”
Reid felt sick and swallowed against a sour taste in his mouth. “No harm, no foul, right?” he said, trying unsuccessfully to catch Luke’s eyes.
“Okay,” said Luke, sounding vague.
“You and Noah can go back to frolicking across daisy laden fields, and I’ll run what will in very short order be the finest neurological facility in North America, and we’ll all live happily ever after.” Reid winced; knowing he was trivializing Luke’s feelings and his own, but somehow unable to stop.
“Okay.” Luke said, but shook his head at Reid, looking dazed. “I’m sorry,” he said. “I don’t know what…”
“Let’s not do that,” Reid said. “No one did anything wrong. You can’t split up something that was never together, we’re just… stopping before we start, that’s all.”
Something dimmed in Luke’s eyes as the corners of his lips turned upward; not a smile but conciliation. “Okay,” he said softly.
Reid sighed, tired and deflated. He wasn’t sure exactly what he’d expected from Luke. A request for more time to sort out his feelings? A declaration of intent? Probably none of those things, but he certainly hadn’t expected him to just go belly up and say nothing. Even if he meant to pick Noah over him, Reid figured Luke would stand tall and tell him so. This felt all kinds of wrong, but what could he do now?
Reid cupped Luke’s elbow. “We’re okay, right Luke?” he said. “We’ll see each other at meetings for the hospital and be fine, right?”
Where Luke’s face a moment ago had been flushed, now it was white, colorless. He nodded, but didn’t meet Reid’s eyes as he said, “Okay.”
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Their first couple of meetings after that were predictably awful. Reid felt stupid and exposed which never boded well for his manners, but then Luke was so mortified to be in the same room with him, Reid could hardly bare to look at him. Every time Katie blathered to him about how he should take a chance and give it a go and whatever cheerleader bullshit she was spouting for the day, all he could think about was how painful it was for the two of them to be near one another. As far as Reid was concerned you needed an armor of Teflon to willingly enter a relationship.
Reid assumed time would eventually make things tolerable, and he caught a glimpse of the old Luke one morning when they were meeting to go over a list of prospective architects for the hospital wing. “You are not going to believe this!” Luke said, waving a file in front of Reid. “It was a total long shot, I mean, total long shot, but I was reading this article in Architectural Digest that said Simon Ashby expected to wrap up his latest project in April and then I went online and they actually wrapped three weeks early which is totally unheard of, so I had Carole make a call to his office, and you will not believe this, but he’s agreed to come talk to us! Simon Ashby!”
Reid had no idea who the hell Luke was talking about, but it was the first legitimate smile Reid had seen in awhile, and he was grinning back before he could stop himself, but that reaction seemed to almost startle Luke. He ducked his head and shook it slightly then looked back to Reid with a chagrinned look on his face. “Sorry,” he said. “I didn’t mean… the decision is yours, of course.” His face was a furious red, and he stacked the unopened file folders in front of him as though the act required his undivided attention. Reid felt an uncharacteristic tug in his chest.
He didn’t want this dimmed, self-conscious version of the Luke he knew. He wanted the Luke who would have said of course it was Reid’s decision, and then gone on to list all the reasons Reid was a fool not to do whatever it was Luke wanted him to.
Reid sighed inwardly. He wanted to give Luke a hard time about a hipster interest in architecture, bust his chops that reading an article about Frank Lloyd Wright in US Today hardly made someone an aficionado on the subject. He wanted Luke to laugh and drag Reid back to his office where he probably had some 500 dollar coffee table book full of pictures of buildings. Luke would probably have marked all the pages of the buildings he wanted to see in person, and Reid would…
Jesus Christ, what? Reid thought darkly. Pretend you’re in a Lifetime movie and promise to take him to see every one of those buildings?
By the time the meeting with Simon Ashby rolled around, Reid had already spoken to three architects, and as far as he could tell they all drew straight lines with rulers. How the hell was he supposed to pick one over the other? His main criteria so far had been to try and gauge how quickly one of them would follow his instructions without clogging up the works with their own opinion. That Luke had a clear favorite was enough for Reid to go with him.
And it turns out, Simon Ashby was, as they say, sex on legs. Tall, gorgeous, and when he walked in a room he expected to own it. He flew in to Oakdale for a meeting at the Foundation, and when he shook Reid’s hand, they sized up one another instantly and traded wolfish it-takes-one-to-know-one grins. “This might be more interesting than the five-gate Oakdale airport suggested,” Simon said, eyes traveling lazily over Reid’s body.
“Don’t get your hopes up,” Reid said dryly.
“I take it you weren’t raised on one of the charming dairy farms I passed on my way here?” Simon said.
“It is with great shame that I admit I was not,” Reid said.
Luke breezed in the room then, in khakis and a striped shirt, his face flushed and his eyes dancing with excitement. He looked all of 12 years old.
“Simon Ashby? Luke Snyder,” he said holding out his hand. “It is so good to meet you. I’m a big fan of your work. I followed, like, every detail of the Danvers Building online. It was so awesome to watch, girder by girder…”
Simon had seemed momentarily shocked by Luke’s appearance, which was confirmed when he interrupted Luke to say, “I’m always happy to take on projects with an altruistic bent. But I don’t work for little boys sitting in the chair Mommy and Daddy bought him…”
Reid bowed his head, wondering why the universe was fucking with him when, really, he was one of the good guys. A whole fuckload of people on the planet and only a select few of them could open up someone’s skull, mess around for a few hours and miraculously gift that someone with years, years of life. And yet here he was, witnessing a parody of his earliest interactions with Luke that could only be some kind of cosmic punishment.
Luke reacted as if he’d slammed into a brick wall at Simon’s words. He flinched and abruptly stood up taller. “Your office vetted us before you agreed to come,” Luke reminded him, all of that enthusiasm gone in a flash. “They said you appreciated our focus and the projects we’ve sponsored in the past.”
Simon nodded grudgingly. “I try to knock out at least one project for a gay-friendly group every year,” he admitted. “In the spirit of we friends of Dorothy sticking together and all that.” He suggestively cast his eyes over toward Reid who could almost hear the bow-chicka-bow-bow theme music starting in the background.
“You’re not working for me,” Luke said calmly. “Dr. Oliver has the final say on virtually all of the design elements. I’ve assigned Art Prentiss as the project’s financial manager. He’s been in the non-profit sector for close to 20 years and was the head of the Huntington Group when they took over management of your stadium project in Seattle. You had great things to say about him in Architectural Digest.”
Simon thought to himself for a moment, then nodded again. “That’ll work,” he said. He turned to Reid and said, “Dinner? Six-thirty? I’m staying at the Hyatt.” He handed Reid a business card that included his cell phone number.
Reid cocked an eyebrow at him. “Are you assuming there’s only one Hyatt in our fair city?”
“Shouldn’t I?” he said. “Perhaps I should have said I’m staying at the hotel out near the old water tower.”
“Six-thirty,” Reid confirmed, slipping the card into his pocket. He hung back and waited for Luke and his ubiquitous pile of files to be stacked. “Sorry about that,” Reid said, which was ridiculous because it was hardly his fault Simon was an ass. Maybe he was apologizing for a similar attitude all those months ago.
Luke gave a snort of amusement, or maybe it was just weariness. “Don’t worry about it,” he said. “You might not believe this, but I get that a lot.”
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
For the next few weeks, Reid saw little of Luke. He and Simon hardly needed the Foundation offices to connect, and Prentiss was happy enough to be kept in the loop via email or phone.
Reid had thought maybe the absence would finally put everything with Luke in perspective, but lack of contact with Luke didn’t seem to affect how often Reid thought of him.
It was so…stupid, this pining or whatever the hell it was. Reid had never missed anyone in his entire life, and here he was mooning over some ridiculous kid. And yet, it seemed like everything Reid did was catalogued in the context of how he would have shared it with Luke.
Even his dalliance with Simon played through a lens of what Reid would have told Luke about it, and that made no sense whatsoever, given that if he and Luke were even remotely together, Luke would hardly have been clamoring for details about the casual (and fucking fantastic) sex he was having with Simon Ashby.
Reid knew Luke had no idea what it was like to lose himself in the delicious, decadent act of meaningless fucking around. In fact, he was sure Luke had only ever endured sex that oozed meaning out of every pore. Reid could just picture Luke attempting oh-so-earnestly to explain how sex was a beautiful, magical, makes-a-unicorn-cry experience only when there was love and significance behind it. And Reid would happily argue that it could be a hot, dirty, roll-your-eyes-all-the-way-back-in-your-head-for-a-week-to-ten-days experience without anything but a couple of hard cocks. Reid grinned to himself, imagining how Luke would feign outrage at such blasphemy until he couldn’t pretend anymore and the two of them would laugh and…
Shut the fuck up, you pathetic 13 year old girl! Reid thought, shaking the picture from his brain. If he didn’t stop with these pointless fantasies he was going to God damn lobotomize himself with a plastic fork.
Oh, hey, speaking of plastic forks: lunch.
Heading back to his office with a salad that was saved from any nutritional benefit by the abundance of fried chicken pieces, shredded cheese and ranch dressing, Reid figured he’d have to chuck it up to coincidence that just as he was thinking of Luke, he should run into Noah waiting for him in the hall.
“Noah, you don’t have an appointment today,” Reid said. God knows he wouldn’t have to check his calendar to remember that. “Is everything all right?”
“Yeah, everything’s fine,” Noah said. “Great, even!”
“That’s good,” Reid said with a dismissive smile. The silence stretched awkwardly between them--Hello, standing here with my lunch--until Reid said, “So, thanks for the update, then.”
Noah chuckled and shook his head. “Oh yeah, um, see, I was accepted to film school. In LA. I leave in a couple of weeks, and Luke, he’s throwing me a going away party. I wanted to ask you to come.”
Holy shit, but there was a lot of new information in that sentence.
Noah just stood there, looking at him expectantly, until Reid winced and said, “Thanks for the invitation, but I don’t think that’s a good…”
“Luke told me you were seeing the architect for the hospital project,” Noah said quickly. “You’re welcome to bring him.”
Reid had the good sense to refrain from explaining that he and Simon weren’t so much seeing one another as recreationally fucking. It wasn’t Noah’s business, and the shock at such heinous behavior would probably trigger a relapse. Reid smoothed down the hair at his neck and shrugged. “I don’t…”
“I know it got kinda messed up there at the end,” Noah said, and Reid bit back a sigh. He was doomed to suffer the uber sincerity of small town rubes for the rest of his life. He supposed he should look on this as good practice. Noah shrugged awkwardly. “Luke and I are done for good now, and I think… right when we first split, I knew we weren’t good together anymore, but… even if I didn’t want to be with him, I didn’t want anyone else to be either, and… I made it hard on him when I shouldn’t have, and I feel really crappy about that.”
“This is probably something you should be sharing with Luke,” Reid said, suddenly missing his practice in Dallas where not once did anyone ever interrupt his lunch to share details of their relationship’s demise.
“I have,” Noah said, “I think maybe you should know it too.” He shrugged. “Dr. Oliver, I’ve got a shot at this whole new amazing life, and it wouldn’t be possible without you. I’d really like it if you’d come to my party.”
Crap, thought Reid. He pasted a smile on his face and said, “Sure, it’ll be a big Oakdale night out for me.”
Noah grinned happily. “That’s great! Thank you! I’ll see you there.”
Reid didn’t intend to bring Simon with him, but he hadn’t anything better to do that night so he tagged along. “Besides, it’s been ages since I’ve had cocktail weenies and baked beans,” he said.
Reid sadly shook his head. “You think you’re joking, don’t you?”
They arrived at the bar where the party was being held and walked in, Simon looking around with shameless glee. Reid recognized Luke’s mother and father as well as a few faces from the hospital. It was a shame Luke wasn’t there with a scorecard so Reid could keep track of the inbred mob.
“Reminds me of the Versace party I attended in Milan last spring,” Simon said.
“Doesn’t it just?” Reid said. He elbowed Simon as they ordered drinks at the bar. “Be nice,” he said. “You’re being paroled in another month. I’m serving 20 years to live.”
They took their drinks and sat down on a couple of bar stools, grinning at each other as they surveyed the crowd. “Oh, there’s our host,” Simon said. “My God, what is he drinking, fruit punch?”
Reid looked over and saw Luke holding what looked like a glass of bright red fruit punch. He shrugged and said, “He doesn’t drink.”
Simon lifted an inquisitive brow. “And you know this how?”
“Haven’t you visited the Who’s Who in Oakdale website?” Reid asked.
“There’s an afternoon well-spent,” Simon said. “Wonder what else it would tell us about our illustrious teeny bopper benefactor.”
“Come on,” Reid said, looking down at this drink. “Lay off.”
“You know, it has not escaped my notice that most of the fine citizens of this town are not safe from your biting wit, but little old Luke, there, gets a bit of a free pass.” Simon studied him for a minute, awareness slowly dawning. “Did you fuck him?” he asked, clearly delighted by the idea. “Details. Gimme.”
“No, I didn’t fuck him,” Reid said sourly. “Not exactly for lack of trying, but you’d be surprised at how impossible it is to actually get into his pants.”
“Really?” said Simon, his interest obviously piqued. “That almost sounds like a challenge. What do you say, first one of us to bed him gets $500?”
Reid snorted. “A few months ago, I probably would’ve taken you up on that,” he said. “But now…”
“Now what?”
Reid sighed and said, “Two things I hate most in this world are hypocrisy and melodrama so I trust you will appreciate the complete and utter self-loathing that accompanies what I’m about to say to you.” He shook his head, hardly believing it had come this. “Now?” he said. “If you touch him, I’ll beat the shit out of you.”
Simon had the good sense to rein in his laughter, though he struggled to school the smile from his face. “All right,” he said. “Duly noted and all that. I don’t get it, man. All the big boy toys you could play with and you want some doe-eyed kid…”
Reid slid his eyes to the side and cocked an eyebrow. “Seriously. I’ll probably have to drug you first, but I’ll beat the shit out of you.”
Reid wandered off to speak to Noah and learned he’d earned a scholarship to an experimental USC program. There would be 20 other students in the program and the opportunity to work with several affiliated television shows and film studios. It did, indeed, sound like a great opportunity. Reid could certainly understand Noah’s excitement. He was dying to know if he and Luke had officially split up because of the opportunity or in spite of it, but before he had enough to drink, Luke joined them.
“Noah’s going to be an amazing film maker,” he said. “Someday we’ll all say we knew him when.”
Noah playfully shoved him, but Luke just laughed and said to Reid, “They’ll say he’s a visionary, and you can say you’re totally responsible for his vision.”
Reid actually shuddered to think what Noah Mayer’s artistic vision might entail, but kept that thought to himself. He managed to catch Luke’s eye-they would have shared the unspoken barb before-but Reid could only catch it for a second before Luke’s gaze slid over to Simon. He offered Reid a quick smile. “There’s doughnut cake from Huffman’s,” Luke said. “I know you’ll like it.”
Reid knew when he was being dismissed, so he graciously stepped away to use the restroom.
In his defense-not that Reid needed defending because it’s not like he purposefully set out to find some way to listen in on a private conversation-but in his defense, it was nothing but luck that on his way to the restroom, he happened to discover that as he stepped around the corner toward the kitchen, he could hear every word Luke and Noah were saying.
“I’m so proud of you,” Luke said.
“It wouldn’t have happened without you,” Noah said.
“No way,” Luke said. “This is all you. Your talent and your…”
“Luke, I know you’re behind the scholarship. It’s got the Luke-Snyder-Friend-of-the-Downtrodden touch all over it.”
Luke chuckled. “You’re not downtrodden,” he said. “You’re talented and amazing, and you’re going to do really great things.” He paused for a beat. “I want you to be happy.”
Noah gave a little laugh. “I want that for you too, you know,” he said.
Luke’s tone shifted. “I am,” he said. Noah must have given him a look of disbelief because Luke said insistently, “I am!”
“Luke…”
“Noah,” Luke said right back. “Okay, so, yeah, it’s a little crappy right now, but I’ll be all right. And hey, you never know. One of these days I’m gonna call you and say Chris Pine finally came to his senses, and we eloped!” Reid could picture the cocky grin on Luke’s face.
Noah laughed. “Your marriage won’t be legal unless I’m there to stand-up for you,” he warned.
Luke laughed too. “You know I’ll make you wear a really ugly dress so you don’t steal my thunder.”
“Yeah, you’ve got Bridezilla written all over you.” They were quiet for a minute, then Noah said, “It’s not like you to just… give up. I don’t understand why you won’t…”
“Don’t,” Luke said.
“Wanting something that’s just for you doesn’t mean you’re him,” Noah said softly. “You’re nothing like him, Luke. You never will be.”
“It’s not Damian,” Luke said. “Maybe it’s just time I learned to take no for an answer.”
“I don’t believe that for a minute, and you don’t either!” Noah said with such vehemence that Reid pictured him shaking Luke by his shoulders. “I wouldn’t be heading off to film school if you believed that, I’d still be some fucked up closet case, and you and I would never have…”
“And maybe you’d have never been blind if I’d just…”
“Stop it!” Noah said. “What, you’re going to make this long list of bad things that would have never happened if you were perfect? What will that prove? You want me to make one and we’ll see whose is longer?”
Luke gave a soft laugh. “No, fine, I get it. But there’s nothing to do here, you know? He’s seeing Simon, and even if he wasn’t, he not interested in me anymore.”
Reid’s face suddenly felt like he was facing a raging furnace. The angel on his shoulder told him that if he had a modicum of decency he would turn around right this minute and leave. The devil just said, What does modicum even mean?
“Maybe it’s not that he wasn’t interested, maybe he just thought he was giving you want you really wanted,” Noah said. “If anyone can understand that, it’s you.”
“He’s not like that,” Luke said with such certainty it annoyed Reid. What, I can’t be selfless and noble?
“ Besides, “ Luke continued, “I was stupid to think I could… I mean, really, what was going to happen? He comes home at the end of the day and talks about how, oh yeah, he saved some guy who was having a stroke and some other guy with a brain tumor, and,” Luke motioned at Noah, “And he made some blind guy see, and what, I tell him, well, hey, I filled out form G-75X-L to preserve the Foundation’s tax exempt status! I used ink!” He rolled his eyes at the idea. “I don’t even have a college degree. How long could someone like me keep someone like him interested?”
“I don’t even recognize you,” Noah said.
“Give me a break,” Luke said. “Look at who he’s with now! Simon Ashby is gorgeous, he’s smart, he’s as brilliant at his job as Reid is at his, and I’m…”
“You’re what?” Noah said as if daring Luke to finish the sentence.
Luke snorted. “None of those things,” he said pointedly.
Reid continued on to the bathroom, then found Simon back at their table. “Long line at the urinal?” Simon asked, one eyebrow lifted in exaggerated curiosity.
Reid rolled his eyes and shook his head. “I am colossally fucked,” he said, more to himself than Simon. Well, what the hell could he do. He reached out and squeezed Simon’s arm and said, “I’m sorry to bail on you, but I’ve gotta go… build a God damned life with Luke.”
Simon sighed with mock sadness. “In my experience, sex with a doctor has always been either brilliant or complete shit.”
Reid laughed and gave a knowing nod. It was quiet between them for a beat and then Reid gave Simon a sidewise glance. “You can’t possibly think I don’t know which it is with me.”
Simon laughed. “So you can understand I was planning on this thing lasting until the end of the project,” he said good-naturedly.
Reid nodded ruefully. “Yeah, I should have been good for it,” he said.
“Just tell me this,” Simon said. “Does he even own a pair of shoes without laces?”
“What part of beat the shit out of you is giving you the most trouble?” Reid said.
Simon laughed and held up his hands in surrender. “I will forthwith be a beacon of goodness and light, I promise.”
Reid drove Simon home and wouldn’t remember making a conscious decision. He simply turned out of the hotel parking lot, heading over to Luke’s and hoping crow made for an appetizing midnight snack.
Lights were on at Luke’s, though Reid didn’t think it would have mattered if they weren’t. It didn’t occur to him that Noah might be there-- they were both too earnest for any kind of one-for-the-road tryst.
Reid pushed the doorbell and snorted at the thundering of his heart. He hadn’t been this nervous waiting for his board results. Then again, there was never any question about how his board results would go. Was there a question about how this would go?
Luke open the door, looking floored to find Reid on his doorstep. “Hey,” Reid said. “I need to talk to you. Can I come in?”
Luke stared at the ground for a few seconds, then opened the door wide and quietly said, “Okay.”
And Reid thought, No we are not fucking doing it like this again.
Reid moved into the living, but stopped short of sitting down. Luke stood in the doorway to the room, watching Reid warily. “I feel like I should explain about Simon,” Reid said. “You probably don’t get it, but I’ve always…”
Luke rushed to interrupt him. “No, I get it, Reid, God, of course,” he said. “He’s, like, totally hot and he’s lived all over the world, accomplished unbelievable things, why wouldn’t you…”
Reid stood there for a moment, flayed. Luke thought he had barged into his home in the middle of the night to list the reasons why he preferred Simon to Luke.
“No,” Reid said, his voice soft and low. “You don’t get it at all, Luke.” Luke met his eyes with a look of such yearning on his face. “Simon and I were messing around because it felt good, and we both knew it was never going to be anything but getting each other off. I know that’s not how you play it, but I didn’t want you to think it was anything like what we… might have.”
It didn't look like the words were any comfort to Luke. “Why are you telling me this?” he asked.
“I thought the last time I was here, I was…releasing you from something or maybe pushing you in the direction you wanted to go, but really, I think when we got really, really close to the gun going off, I just couldn’t take the suspense any more, and I just walked away.” Reid carefully moved closer to where Luke was standing. “And I regret doing that.”
Luke’s eyes were wide, a hopeful gleam threatening to shred Reid from the inside. “But Simon, he’s… he’s everything I’m…”
“Luke,” Reid said, his tone vaguely scolding. “You have to know, you have to know that what you and I are… no one else will ever come close to that.”
Luke’s breath caught in his throat, and Reid smiled, and for the first time in a month felt a delicious, relaxing warmth spreading through his bones. “If you just give me the chance…” Reid stopped and gruffly cleared his throat. He slid his fingers through Luke’s and gently brought Luke’s body as close to his as he could. He looked down at their clasped hands, his whispered words half-promise; half-prayer, “If you give me the chance, I’ll be good to you.”
Luke took another shuddering breath. “I want this so much,” he said, and if Reid hadn’t been eavesdropping that evening, he would have been confused by the tortured look on Luke’s face. And even so, there were still so many details he was missing; so many things he didn’t know yet. But he would; all of Luke was going to be his for the discovery.
For the moment, Reid just shrugged easily at Luke’s words. “Well, you should,” he said. “Now we can quit all the panty bunching, belly aching bullshit and finally skip to the good part.”
There it was again, that smile. Reid could picture a white-haired man on that same couch, still trying to coax that beautiful smile out of Luke. Reid inwardly rolled his eyes at such blatant sentiment and thought, We’re not seriously going to have this couch 30 years from now, are we?
“I really, really want the good part to start,” Luke said, sounding breathless. He grabbed the front of Reid’s shirt in his fist, and hungrily kissed him, and as it always happened, the explosion of want and need was overwhelming. Nothing had ever brought Reid so far out of his own head as kissing Luke. Christ, if they ever got to actual sex he was going to be orbiting Jupiter.
Somehow they ended up on the couch where Luke was panting, “Oh God, oh God!” He pulled back to look at Reid like he was crazy. “Why aren’t you fucking me yet?”
“Oh there’ll be fucking,” Reid vowed. “We’re gonna kick this off with obscene amounts of mindless fucking and just ride that train until we get all the way to for better, for worse, to love, honor and obey.”
Luke snickered. “I thought mindless sex was supposed to be with a bunch of strangers.”
“Uh, no,” Reid said, as if he couldn’t understand where Luke got a stupid misconception like that. “That’s gonna be all me.”
“But didn’t you get to have yours with…”
“We’re three minutes in, Luke, just go with me here.”
Luke was unconvinced. “It sets a really dangerous precedent if I…”
Reid lifted his chin with characteristic arrogance that made Luke laugh and flush all at once. His words were instructions to them both. “Be brave.”
Luke gracefully slid over Reid until he was straddling him. He pulled back, arms straight out in front of him, his hands on Reid’s shoulder. His head was cocked a little to the side, his look was measuring, and Reid waited, sure of Luke’s answer but wanting to hear it just the same. Luke leaned forward, and before he met Reid’s lips, before he slid his tongue into Reid’s mouth, before every last part of him was laid bare for Reid, he whispered, “Okay.”
#