Pawne Shoppe Tales Issue #1
So, a magnanimous donor under the guise of a demon ('sup Ezelek) procured these logs for me. Enjoy!
---
Myshu: Also the recurring saga of "my stupid blonde wife pawned her jewelry for booze"
Mozz: haha
Myshu: It's just insane, this guy was having a REALLY bad day
Mozz: good.
Mozz: i want to hear about somebody having a shittier day than me.
Mozz: (Protip my day was actually not THAT shitty)
Myshu: We really busted his balls, and it wasn't even intentional
Mozz: how so?
Myshu: He marched in all huffy first thing in the morning with a couple of ticket stubs and wanted to redeem them
Myshu: Unfortunately they were only extention payment receipts and not the original tickets, so we're not allowed to redeem them unless he either gets THOSE or brings in the person whose name the ticket is written under
Mozz: i.e. the jewelry hocking wife
Mozz: (or is it hawking?)
Myshu: "Grr okay I'll get them. IF A BLONDE WOMAN DRIVING A (some car description I forget) COMES IN, DON'T TAKE ANYTHING FROM HER. YOU KNOW WHERE THIS ALL WENT?" *waves receipts at me* "BOOZE."
Myshu: "I'M HAVING A REALLY BAD DAY; MY DAUGHTER STOLE MY TRUCK. NOW I HAVE TO WASTE GAS LOOKING FOR THIS" then he leaves
Myshu: We forget about him until noon...
Myshu: When a blonde woman driving a (some car description I forget) staggers into the store!
Myshu: She nearly falls over the counter drunk and blargles something about her husband while waving tickets at me
Mozz: oh my
Myshu: "Oh these are the tickets," I say. "You want to get this jewelry out now?" "NO I... CAN YOU MAKE A COPY, GIVE MY HUSBAND?" "...uh?"
Mozz: oh dear.
Myshu: "No just... give him these? He can get them out with these tickets himself."
Myshu: We explain this three times in a row and she staggers out
Myshu: We forget about her until two hours later...!
Mozz: hahahaha
Myshu: When the angry man returns with the tickets
Myshu: "Okay let's do this grumble"
Mozz: (i hope you're quoting yourself right now)
* Stellaluna slides mozz under the drill press sleepily
Myshu: haha no that's him, I'm too amused and vaguely intimidated to grumble
Myshu: (he's huge)
Mozz: (as in icyquoting)
Myshu: (oic)
Myshu: Anyway
Myshu: "Okay it's going to be (X dollares)"
Myshu: *shoves debit card at us*
Myshu: "...Er, we can only take cash on loan payments..."
Myshu: "GRR"
Myshu: He storms out, presumably to an ATM
Myshu: He returns another hour later! With money
Mozz: did you forget about him until then?
* Mozz asks, dodging the drill press
Myshu: He's so aggravated at this whole half-day he's wasted that he can hardly speak, he just fumes while I write the transaction out
Mozz: poor guy.
Myshu: "So..." I hand out the rings, they're all shitty little scraps of gold. I wave the little jewelry envelope we use at him in some kind of lame apology "...you want to keep this little bag to put them in?"
Myshu: "grr they are MINE now, right?" "Um... you redeemed them, yes!"
Myshu: "grr" bear leaves
Myshu: We forget about him, until...!
Mozz: ruh roh
Myshu: Girl driving red truck with suspiciously matching last name arrives to pawn something!
Mozz: oh YES
Mozz: the daughter!
Myshu: I want to say it got interesting from there but aside from snickering at poor angry man nothing else happened, the end
Myshu: (I don't think we took her thingy, whatever she was pawning--I was out)
Mozz: i'm sure deep down they all truly love each other.
Myshu: Yeah they have a common interest, after all
Myshu: they shop at the same pawn shop
Myshu: I hope that drunk driving blonde didn't get in a wreck...
Mozz: yeah, you'd be down a customer.
Mozz: XD
* Myshu morbid^5
Mozz: (no seriously drunk driving is bad kids, mmmkay?)
Mozz: i'm sure the man and daughter just miss their real mom and not the alkie who now lives in her body.
Myshu: Such a shame
---
Myshu: So at work for some reason we keep displaying expensive handheld electronics in a low glass case with no door on the back
Myshu: So surprise! Another mook reached over the counter and stole a Nintendo DS today
Myshu: One of the managers was in a huff, he called the pawn shop across the street
Myshu: "Hey if you see a DS Lite that looks like (blah blah) could you stop the guy? He stole it from us"
Myshu: "Oh yeah a guy just came in holding one of those"
Myshu: "REALLY? Is he still there?"
Myshu: "No we kicked him out because he's banned from the store for stealing"
Myshu: "..."
Mozz: oh, the irony.
Myshu: The manager takes some dumb solace in the fact that right before his blatant on-camera theft he PAWNED a shitty XBox 360 game, so we have all his drivers license info
Myshu: "Dumbass gave us his ID before he left!"
Myshu: me: "If he's so dumb why did he walk out with a DS while we have a shitty XBox football game?"
Mozz: ouch.
Myshu: "...Go back to work"
papa_november: hope you wrote down the serial number
papa_november: (you do this with all systems right)
Myshu: Yeah of course, we take down model and serial numbers for absolutely everything
Myshu: We even list banal shit like "a small tear on the corner; cat hair in the buttons"
Myshu: "oh god is that a pube"
---
Myshu: I mentioned to sis that Party Babyz is one of the games I saw being brought into work by the kid who's so very very obviously stealing video games from some retail store
Myshu: there's no way this guy would be less subtle, he comes in thrice a week with a duffel bag stuffed with mint condition XBox 360, Wii, PS3 and DS games
Myshu: Many of them DUPLICATES
Myshu: "Uhh it's my friends' games, I'm selling them"
Mozz: "they fell off the truck."
Myshu: "Your friends play Party Babyz?"
Myshu: The first time he comes in I just call over the manager and he writes the buy for it
Myshu: Later I remark, "Hey wasn't that kind of weird, that guy with the games--"
Myshu: "I know, you didn't see ANYTHING, you understand?" he says kindly
Mozz: oh my.
Myshu: And he wrote the ticket vaguely so that if cops come snooping in, they won't be able to nail down anything
Mozz: gotta wonder how he gets hold of that much merch in the first place.
Mozz: inside job on the mall?
Myshu: I don't know but with those Circuit City's closing down I wonder if there's suddenly a conspicuous lapse in security
Mozz: aha.
Myshu: Anyway it's a risk taking on all that stuff and if it were another manager we probably would have just banned the guy like the pawn shop across the street did
Mozz: yeah
Mozz: because like, if the mall/whatever got wind.
Mozz: willingly trafficking in stolen merch, etc.
Myshu: But I trust my boss, he's a screwd dude, and besides I'm just the peon--butting in shit like this only gets my ass handed to me
Sancdar: man
Sancdar: i was hoping your manager was like a hero of justice
Sancdar: and he accepted the shit the first time so he could set up a trap with cops the second time
Sancdar: but nobody who has worked a job for more than two months would ever do that
Myshu: Nah, we just do that for guys who steal from US
Mozz: heh
Myshu: So far it's amazing how many people will pawn stuff with us and then try to rob us the next minute
Myshu: Using fake IDs and everything
---
Myshu: So, I had some moral quandry at work
Myshu: I'd been looking out for a new(?) TV for weeks now, and the perfect one for me turned up on the shelf; right size and price and everything
Myshu: As soon as I saw this TV I vowed to purchase it; I just had to go get the cash on my lunch break
Myshu: As soon as I get back--I mean within like twenty minutes--guess WHO staggers into the store
Myshu: This motherfucker who pawned the TV, who wants it back
Myshu: We hadn't seen him in many MONTHS, he could have been dead for all we knew
Myshu: The loan on his TV expired in Feb and we only put it on the shelf this week
DK: Hey man, too late. TOO LATE.
Myshu: Turns out, according to his story, he was in the hospital
Myshu: for CANCER.
Angahith: oh boy
Angahith: (did he want it back for free?)
Myshu: He doesn't have the cash to buy back his TV right away, but he will Tuesday, he says, and he wants to come in that day and put it on layaway
Myshu: I am torn between >:| and :(
Angahith: well, that's two days. I doubt he'll actually show up
Angahith: (if he does, don't take bloodstained money)
Myshu: I mean it's a TV, it's not like he's sentimentally attached
Myshu: "See that smudge mark in the upper left corner? I spooged there back in July of 2005, right before the hurricane"
Angahith: Myshu: "Ooookay, I don't WANT the tv anymore!"
Myshu: So I call my sister "man would you buy this TV" (assuming there's no spooge)
Myshu: sis: "No man it's too late. If you had bought it before he came in you'd be okay because you didn't know, but now that you do you're boned."
Myshu: "Thanks damnit"
Myshu: So I have not purchased it (yet)
DK: Well, okay, answer me this
DK: Did you have the money to buy it with you and were you prepared to buy it when he arrived?
Myshu: Yes
Myshu: I was just waiting for one of the managers to be free so they could ring it up
DK: Well, I mean, you had the means and the intent, it was essentially a done deal.
DK: Let me put it this way, if you had bought it and he came in like five minutes later, would you feel bad?
Myshu: ...A little!
Myshu: (not enough to give it back)
Myshu: I did have to give back shit I bought from the pawn shop once, but that was the Naruto fiasco
Myshu: And one might say I was better for it
DK: Well, my thinking is, if you already had the commitment/means to get it, it was essentially your TV already
DK: I guess it would be a different story if he'd come in and put the payment down right this moment
DK: But like saying he's GOING to, well, I don't think that changes anything
DK: But maybe I'm a monster, who knows
Myshu: I think I'll give this cancerfucker until Tuesday anyway--it's not like a random third party is going to jump up and buy it in the meantime, our LCD TVs just don't sell
Myshu: "Ugh it's TOO MUCH MONEY for a TEEVEE I could go to Wallyworld and get a new one for $50 more"
Angahith: also
Angahith: i find it funny that he supposedly just got out of the hospital from CANCER and the first thing he does is check on his tv
Myshu: Haha actually Anga, the TV was just one of several items he lost
Angahith: (t Myshu screw it open, there's probably meth inside)
(note: I own that TV now. ...I never did check it for meth, huh.)
---
Myshu: Had a wonderful pawn shop customer today
Mozz: oh goody
Myshu: A scrawny lady covered in tattoos pawning a stack of DVDs, claiming she just out of the hospital
Mozz: by which she means rehab.
Myshu: Well her story gets better
Myshu: She goes on to say (totally unprompted) that she was in a head-on collision while driving her truck
Myshu: And that she's not getting any compensation because the other driver was uninsured
Mozz: oh my.
Myshu: "The other guy was barred up--and usually I'M the one on drugs, but I was totally sober that time"
Myshu: Anyway I notice among her DVDs a five-disc stack of Evangelion episodes
Myshu: I mention I've seen it and she lights UP
Mozz: ....oh my. (again)
Myshu: "I love that show, it's my favorite--I named my twin girls after Rei Ayanami and Asuka."
maggiekarp: dopfjvdfjvdofv
Mozz: ...oh no.
Mozz: oh no.
Myshu: "I even tattooed my girls' names on my arms--"
Myshu: And she bared her wrists and PROVED IT
Mozz: i assume you immediately called CPS on this woman.
maggiekarp: sweet jesus
maggiekarp: then again my mom threatened to name the latest baby Yotsuba if it was a girl
Myshu: They were right on her wrists--the rest of her arms were covered in weird flowers and tribal shapes
Myshu: Then she went on to say how fitting the names were for her kids (she named them before they were born)--how her Asuka was all red-headed and firey
Seris: and a fucking psychopath?
maggiekarp: Asuka was tsundere Seris
Seris: you are all saying words that dont make sense
* Mozz makes note of the Callback by mk
Myshu: I'm not sure if this was all barred-out fantasies of hers but it was hella fuckin' entertaining
DK: LMAO MYSHU
DK: LMAO FUCK yes
DK: fuck yes
DK: fuck yes
Myshu: Yes, I wish I had a camera
Myshu: Well technically there's the security cameras but like I have access to that shit
DK: That story
DK: so good
DK: so good
Myshu: I think the part I almost cracked at was when she was telling me about how she calls her kids
Myshu: I couldn't get it straight because she was talking about the difference between the Japanese names and the English dub names and I'm not sure which way she meant, but I distinctly remember her line
Myshu: "but when I shout AYANAMI across the house they know they're in trouble, hahaha"
maggiekarp: ffffffdfjdsjf
DK: fffffuck yes
Myshu: I would pay to watch that household for a day
Mozz: oh no.
DK: reality show based on parents who give children anime/videogame names
DK: "MY LIFE WITH SEPHIROTH"
Myshu: DK's having a 'gasm, MK's having a seizure
DK: This story was quite literally better than sex. Just knowing this woman exists, is drugged, has been in prison, and has Asuka and Reibabies
DK: Reibies?
Myshu: hahaha
Mozz: heh
Mozz: that WOULD explain some stuff.
Myshu: My line of work, it has its perks
---
Myshu: We've been getting these crazy fuckin' kids lately, they look about my age
Myshu: They flaunt about the store talking smack about their tree-trimming enterprises while harassing us over the prices of our chain saws
Myshu: And usually either one or both of these two numbskulls are drunk/stoned/barred out of their damn minds
Myshu: Anyway they've been buying/burning up/pawning chain saws with us for like two weeks
Myshu: This morning one of them is practically banging down the door before we're even open, cussing me out about letting me in
Myshu: "Fuckin' com'on, there's three minutes left!" (there were ten)
maggiekarp: mass murderers, Mysh
Myshu: Anyway chainsaw guy, he's standing outside the glass door with one of these chainsaws, cussing and shit--it was a sight
Mozz: oh my
Myshu: Eventually he gets inside and lays on his story: he got his ankle damn near cut off by--wow, who would've guessed--his friend's chain saw
Myshu: And desperately needed to pawn his saw to get money for pain meds
Angahith: haha what
Myshu: Long story short, fuckin' idiot in dangerous job gets fucked up while he's fucked up and wants to remedy the situation by getting more fucked up
Myshu: All the more power to 'im, we loaned him $70
---
Myshu: So I dunno, who's bored and wants more pawn shoppe shenanigans
Mozz: do it
Mozz: do it
Myshu: Well I sometimes wonder if the poverty and crime in my area has reached such a desperate level that nobody's even trying to be coy about it anymore
Mozz: :P
Myshu: Because this guy comes in today trying to pawn his "GPS man, y'know, for the car"
Myshu: And my boss looks squarely at it and says, "This isn't a GPS. It's a radar detector."
Myshu: So the dude just scoops it back up and storms out in a huff, saying loudly enough for all to hear,
Myshu: "Man, guys don't even know what they stole!"
---
Myshu: We found some glowsticks in a toolbox at my work
Myshu: Man, toolboxes are like RPG treasure chests at my job
Hermit: You work in a stormy tower full of zombies?
Hermit: lucky
SaintNick: no, she works in Breath of Fire IV
* SaintNick is the Secretary of Steak
SaintNick: I want to open a butcher shop and call it that
Zephira: Secretary of Steak? Sweet I want one of those Texan 70 oz ones
Myshu: Last week we found a box of ziplock baggies filled with some, uh--paraphernalia
Myshu: lil' scales and shit
Myshu: Com'on people you could at least clean up the evidence before PAWNING the stuff you might have stolen
SaintNick: how much did the little bags weigh?
SaintNick: because I'm looking for one that weighs about an ounce.
SaintNick: You could. you know. add other stuff to make it weigh that much.
Hermit: scales? like for weighing your junk?
SaintNick: you can't reliably weigh your junk
SaintNick: you can estimate it
SaintNick: but it's like trying to weigh your hand
Myshu: Well, without cutting it off...
---
Myshu: Cops swarmed our store today, by the way
Myshu: Well, "swarmed"
Myshu: There were two, but they kept lingering
Myshu: It only got funny when one of them self-consciously remarked, "Looks like we scared away all your customers--there's nobody else in here!"
Mozz: it's funny, myshu, because it's mostly true ! :D
Myshu: It totally fuckin' was
Mozz: 5-0 showing up is bad for Pawning business
Hermit: shu were they trying to shake you down for protection money or what
Myshu: No, they were on a case, but it was kinda fucked up
Sancdar: the case of the stolen radar detector
---
Myshu: Man, such a busy day at work, I'm bushed
Myshu: ...Can't even think of a good customer relations story, though
Myshu: I was so busy I missed my lunch break
Zephira: D: goeatfoods
* Myshu nom noms ramen
Myshu: Well we did have a long, awkward moment with a woman weeping on our counter
Mozz: oh my
maggiekarp: oh dear
SaintNick: do you give them a discount if they cry?
Myshu: Apparently not
Myshu: Nah, she needed something like $300
Myshu: We were only going to give her $225 for her TV
Myshu: So she's like "give me a minute" to think about it I suppose
Myshu: She decides to try the pawn shop across the street instead, and apparently they said they would give her $300, but only if she coughed up the receipt for the TV (it was a rent-to-own)
Myshu: She actually does have the receipt, goes home, comes back and shows it to them, and then for reasons we'll never know they tell her they won't take the TV anymore
Mozz: hah
Mozz: look who comes crawling back for 225 after all :D
Myshu: So she trudges back to our shop, defeated and weepy
SaintNick: that was a bit of an ordeal
Myshu: Just standing over the counter, silent tears of rage streaming down her face
Myshu: It's so quiet, so quiet, and we're all milling around there
Myshu: Occassionally she'll sob or something and I'm right next to her pretending to work and I don't know what to say, because everything that pops into my head sounds like a fortune cookie
Myshu: 'You no worry! It never rain every day! (me love you long time)'
Myshu: It wouldn't have gone over well
maggiekarp: aw
Zephira: That's the Thai food guy, right?
Myshu: It's hard to have a heart in my business
Myshu: We once turned away a woman holding a crying baby who said her car broke down half a mile down the road and the heat index was 100 degrees and she had to walk home to buy diapers with money she didn't have
Myshu: But we said no, because her laptop was crap
Zephira: Use a cloth diaper.
Myshu: Of course, there's this ONE woman we don't even try to bullshit, it's too sad
Myshu: She's estranged and dying of cancer, just all hobbling and weak all the time, struggling all the way from the next city over on her own to pay interest on her pawn loans
Myshu: And her shit's like two months past expired but NONE of us have the nads to yank that shit and sell it because, damn
Myshu: sad cancer lady karma
---
Myshu: So first thing today at work a customer tried to pawn a loaded Smith & Wesson .45
Myshu: Perhaps not the best thing to present to my suicidally depressed, disgruntled boss at nine in the morning on a Friday
---
Myshu: Actually the scariest guns are the ones old ladies bring in to pawn
Myshu: Yanking loaded 9mm's out of their purses and throwing them on the counter like they don't know which end to fuck
---
Myshu: Man, speaking of lezzing out, maybe I should go ahead and jump ship
Myshu: Them pawn shop guys are scary and gross
---
Myshu: Man, so
Myshu: who wants some pawn stories
Myshu: ('sup chat)
maggiekarp: me me me
Myshu: Well let me just say first that we have to be the only store asshat enough to mark all of our gold UP in price for the holidays
Myshu: The rationale is that it's to keep up with the soaring price of gold in the market, but com'on dudes, is it really worth it when a guy is leaning over the counter to exclaim in my face, "Where's the owner?? I want to CUSS HIM OUT"
Myshu: (actual quote)
Myshu: But anyway there was this lady this morning
Myshu: All surly and disheveled, dragging in a couple of industrial halogen lights on stands
Myshu: These sound like they might be expensive but they're not especially and we don't give a shit; we offered her fifteen bucks and she stormed out in a huff
DK: fifteen dollars god damn it
Myshu: Returns with the lights like, twenty minutes later
Myshu: "HE SAID WHATEVER"
Myshu: Agrees to the loan *while arguing over the amount*, and then when she's turning to leave guess what falls out of her pocket and breaks on the floor
Myshu: her crack pipe
maggiekarp: shiiiit
Myshu: Now I wouldn't have known what a crack pipe was if it poked my eye out--it was my two prestigous coworkers who honed in on that shit with frightening clarity
Myshu: ("WHOA A CRACK PIPE") ("Man the minute that dropped I knew what time it was; I know the sound of a crack pipe hitting the floor")
Myshu: And I'm like HOW but I don't even ask, and this lady doesn't come back for it
Myshu: Then people were pissy all day on the phone too, hanging up on me and calling the other dude I work with an asshole
Myshu: What was this, Pissy Thursday
DK: so what did you do with the c-pipe
DK: I'd sweep that up and throw it out
Myshu: And so we did
DK: Don't be smoking that rock, Shoe
DK: don't you do it
---
Myshu: So one of my bosses tried to get smart on the chief of police today
Myshu: Port Arthur PD, to be precise, when he came looking for a gun that his nephew and son-in-law stole and pawned
Myshu: But the report he waved in front of my manager was from Beaumont
Myshu: "But this police report is from Beaumont, isn't that out of your jurisdiction?"
Myshu: "Motherfucker I'm the *chief of pole-ice*"
Myshu: (is what he should have said)
Myshu: Instead he got cuffed upside the head by the other manager, who let the man look for whatever the fuck he wanted
Myshu: (because he's the *chief of police* damnit, don't fuck around)
DK: lmao
DK: That sounds like something from The Wire
DK: It's much more about the "being an asshole and passing the buck" part of being a cop than it is about the CSI pow pow shootie part
Myshu: Oh I believe it
Myshu: I've seen cops walk circles around our "confidential" system more than once
Myshu: There's this asshole who confiscated a nice guitar and waited for nobody to legally claim it before just taking it for himself
DK: hahaha
Myshu: Anyway the chief was amusing to watch because it was just like a personal vendetta, he REALLY wanted to throw his son-in-law behind bars
Myshu: Trying to get us to dig up shit on the video tape
Myshu: The kid in question is criminally retarded anyway, but damn
---
Myshu: Man I was just reminded of a pawne story from last week I never mentioned
themis56: tell tell
Myshu: This one isn't very exciting, just a girl I work with catching a fake ID
Myshu: girl: "Hey wait a second, this doesn't look like you."
Myshu: guy: "Uh? Yeah that's me."
Myshu: manager: *takes the ID and holds it aside* "So when's your birthday?"
Myshu: guy: "Uh... 2... 16... 86?"
Myshu: "Com'on man, you don't even know your own birthday, get out"
Myshu: guy didn't even say anything else, just turned and left
Myshu: That's how you know you got 'em
themis56: easily thwarted
themis56: "are you or are you NOT an organ donor?"
I started digging through my older IRC logs and found more, but I need to go to bed for now. Later!
---
Myshu: Also the recurring saga of "my stupid blonde wife pawned her jewelry for booze"
Mozz: haha
Myshu: It's just insane, this guy was having a REALLY bad day
Mozz: good.
Mozz: i want to hear about somebody having a shittier day than me.
Mozz: (Protip my day was actually not THAT shitty)
Myshu: We really busted his balls, and it wasn't even intentional
Mozz: how so?
Myshu: He marched in all huffy first thing in the morning with a couple of ticket stubs and wanted to redeem them
Myshu: Unfortunately they were only extention payment receipts and not the original tickets, so we're not allowed to redeem them unless he either gets THOSE or brings in the person whose name the ticket is written under
Mozz: i.e. the jewelry hocking wife
Mozz: (or is it hawking?)
Myshu: "Grr okay I'll get them. IF A BLONDE WOMAN DRIVING A (some car description I forget) COMES IN, DON'T TAKE ANYTHING FROM HER. YOU KNOW WHERE THIS ALL WENT?" *waves receipts at me* "BOOZE."
Myshu: "I'M HAVING A REALLY BAD DAY; MY DAUGHTER STOLE MY TRUCK. NOW I HAVE TO WASTE GAS LOOKING FOR THIS" then he leaves
Myshu: We forget about him until noon...
Myshu: When a blonde woman driving a (some car description I forget) staggers into the store!
Myshu: She nearly falls over the counter drunk and blargles something about her husband while waving tickets at me
Mozz: oh my
Myshu: "Oh these are the tickets," I say. "You want to get this jewelry out now?" "NO I... CAN YOU MAKE A COPY, GIVE MY HUSBAND?" "...uh?"
Mozz: oh dear.
Myshu: "No just... give him these? He can get them out with these tickets himself."
Myshu: We explain this three times in a row and she staggers out
Myshu: We forget about her until two hours later...!
Mozz: hahahaha
Myshu: When the angry man returns with the tickets
Myshu: "Okay let's do this grumble"
Mozz: (i hope you're quoting yourself right now)
* Stellaluna slides mozz under the drill press sleepily
Myshu: haha no that's him, I'm too amused and vaguely intimidated to grumble
Myshu: (he's huge)
Mozz: (as in icyquoting)
Myshu: (oic)
Myshu: Anyway
Myshu: "Okay it's going to be (X dollares)"
Myshu: *shoves debit card at us*
Myshu: "...Er, we can only take cash on loan payments..."
Myshu: "GRR"
Myshu: He storms out, presumably to an ATM
Myshu: He returns another hour later! With money
Mozz: did you forget about him until then?
* Mozz asks, dodging the drill press
Myshu: He's so aggravated at this whole half-day he's wasted that he can hardly speak, he just fumes while I write the transaction out
Mozz: poor guy.
Myshu: "So..." I hand out the rings, they're all shitty little scraps of gold. I wave the little jewelry envelope we use at him in some kind of lame apology "...you want to keep this little bag to put them in?"
Myshu: "grr they are MINE now, right?" "Um... you redeemed them, yes!"
Myshu: "grr" bear leaves
Myshu: We forget about him, until...!
Mozz: ruh roh
Myshu: Girl driving red truck with suspiciously matching last name arrives to pawn something!
Mozz: oh YES
Mozz: the daughter!
Myshu: I want to say it got interesting from there but aside from snickering at poor angry man nothing else happened, the end
Myshu: (I don't think we took her thingy, whatever she was pawning--I was out)
Mozz: i'm sure deep down they all truly love each other.
Myshu: Yeah they have a common interest, after all
Myshu: they shop at the same pawn shop
Myshu: I hope that drunk driving blonde didn't get in a wreck...
Mozz: yeah, you'd be down a customer.
Mozz: XD
* Myshu morbid^5
Mozz: (no seriously drunk driving is bad kids, mmmkay?)
Mozz: i'm sure the man and daughter just miss their real mom and not the alkie who now lives in her body.
Myshu: Such a shame
---
Myshu: So at work for some reason we keep displaying expensive handheld electronics in a low glass case with no door on the back
Myshu: So surprise! Another mook reached over the counter and stole a Nintendo DS today
Myshu: One of the managers was in a huff, he called the pawn shop across the street
Myshu: "Hey if you see a DS Lite that looks like (blah blah) could you stop the guy? He stole it from us"
Myshu: "Oh yeah a guy just came in holding one of those"
Myshu: "REALLY? Is he still there?"
Myshu: "No we kicked him out because he's banned from the store for stealing"
Myshu: "..."
Mozz: oh, the irony.
Myshu: The manager takes some dumb solace in the fact that right before his blatant on-camera theft he PAWNED a shitty XBox 360 game, so we have all his drivers license info
Myshu: "Dumbass gave us his ID before he left!"
Myshu: me: "If he's so dumb why did he walk out with a DS while we have a shitty XBox football game?"
Mozz: ouch.
Myshu: "...Go back to work"
papa_november: hope you wrote down the serial number
papa_november: (you do this with all systems right)
Myshu: Yeah of course, we take down model and serial numbers for absolutely everything
Myshu: We even list banal shit like "a small tear on the corner; cat hair in the buttons"
Myshu: "oh god is that a pube"
---
Myshu: I mentioned to sis that Party Babyz is one of the games I saw being brought into work by the kid who's so very very obviously stealing video games from some retail store
Myshu: there's no way this guy would be less subtle, he comes in thrice a week with a duffel bag stuffed with mint condition XBox 360, Wii, PS3 and DS games
Myshu: Many of them DUPLICATES
Myshu: "Uhh it's my friends' games, I'm selling them"
Mozz: "they fell off the truck."
Myshu: "Your friends play Party Babyz?"
Myshu: The first time he comes in I just call over the manager and he writes the buy for it
Myshu: Later I remark, "Hey wasn't that kind of weird, that guy with the games--"
Myshu: "I know, you didn't see ANYTHING, you understand?" he says kindly
Mozz: oh my.
Myshu: And he wrote the ticket vaguely so that if cops come snooping in, they won't be able to nail down anything
Mozz: gotta wonder how he gets hold of that much merch in the first place.
Mozz: inside job on the mall?
Myshu: I don't know but with those Circuit City's closing down I wonder if there's suddenly a conspicuous lapse in security
Mozz: aha.
Myshu: Anyway it's a risk taking on all that stuff and if it were another manager we probably would have just banned the guy like the pawn shop across the street did
Mozz: yeah
Mozz: because like, if the mall/whatever got wind.
Mozz: willingly trafficking in stolen merch, etc.
Myshu: But I trust my boss, he's a screwd dude, and besides I'm just the peon--butting in shit like this only gets my ass handed to me
Sancdar: man
Sancdar: i was hoping your manager was like a hero of justice
Sancdar: and he accepted the shit the first time so he could set up a trap with cops the second time
Sancdar: but nobody who has worked a job for more than two months would ever do that
Myshu: Nah, we just do that for guys who steal from US
Mozz: heh
Myshu: So far it's amazing how many people will pawn stuff with us and then try to rob us the next minute
Myshu: Using fake IDs and everything
---
Myshu: So, I had some moral quandry at work
Myshu: I'd been looking out for a new(?) TV for weeks now, and the perfect one for me turned up on the shelf; right size and price and everything
Myshu: As soon as I saw this TV I vowed to purchase it; I just had to go get the cash on my lunch break
Myshu: As soon as I get back--I mean within like twenty minutes--guess WHO staggers into the store
Myshu: This motherfucker who pawned the TV, who wants it back
Myshu: We hadn't seen him in many MONTHS, he could have been dead for all we knew
Myshu: The loan on his TV expired in Feb and we only put it on the shelf this week
DK: Hey man, too late. TOO LATE.
Myshu: Turns out, according to his story, he was in the hospital
Myshu: for CANCER.
Angahith: oh boy
Angahith: (did he want it back for free?)
Myshu: He doesn't have the cash to buy back his TV right away, but he will Tuesday, he says, and he wants to come in that day and put it on layaway
Myshu: I am torn between >:| and :(
Angahith: well, that's two days. I doubt he'll actually show up
Angahith: (if he does, don't take bloodstained money)
Myshu: I mean it's a TV, it's not like he's sentimentally attached
Myshu: "See that smudge mark in the upper left corner? I spooged there back in July of 2005, right before the hurricane"
Angahith: Myshu: "Ooookay, I don't WANT the tv anymore!"
Myshu: So I call my sister "man would you buy this TV" (assuming there's no spooge)
Myshu: sis: "No man it's too late. If you had bought it before he came in you'd be okay because you didn't know, but now that you do you're boned."
Myshu: "Thanks damnit"
Myshu: So I have not purchased it (yet)
DK: Well, okay, answer me this
DK: Did you have the money to buy it with you and were you prepared to buy it when he arrived?
Myshu: Yes
Myshu: I was just waiting for one of the managers to be free so they could ring it up
DK: Well, I mean, you had the means and the intent, it was essentially a done deal.
DK: Let me put it this way, if you had bought it and he came in like five minutes later, would you feel bad?
Myshu: ...A little!
Myshu: (not enough to give it back)
Myshu: I did have to give back shit I bought from the pawn shop once, but that was the Naruto fiasco
Myshu: And one might say I was better for it
DK: Well, my thinking is, if you already had the commitment/means to get it, it was essentially your TV already
DK: I guess it would be a different story if he'd come in and put the payment down right this moment
DK: But like saying he's GOING to, well, I don't think that changes anything
DK: But maybe I'm a monster, who knows
Myshu: I think I'll give this cancerfucker until Tuesday anyway--it's not like a random third party is going to jump up and buy it in the meantime, our LCD TVs just don't sell
Myshu: "Ugh it's TOO MUCH MONEY for a TEEVEE I could go to Wallyworld and get a new one for $50 more"
Angahith: also
Angahith: i find it funny that he supposedly just got out of the hospital from CANCER and the first thing he does is check on his tv
Myshu: Haha actually Anga, the TV was just one of several items he lost
Angahith: (t Myshu screw it open, there's probably meth inside)
(note: I own that TV now. ...I never did check it for meth, huh.)
---
Myshu: Had a wonderful pawn shop customer today
Mozz: oh goody
Myshu: A scrawny lady covered in tattoos pawning a stack of DVDs, claiming she just out of the hospital
Mozz: by which she means rehab.
Myshu: Well her story gets better
Myshu: She goes on to say (totally unprompted) that she was in a head-on collision while driving her truck
Myshu: And that she's not getting any compensation because the other driver was uninsured
Mozz: oh my.
Myshu: "The other guy was barred up--and usually I'M the one on drugs, but I was totally sober that time"
Myshu: Anyway I notice among her DVDs a five-disc stack of Evangelion episodes
Myshu: I mention I've seen it and she lights UP
Mozz: ....oh my. (again)
Myshu: "I love that show, it's my favorite--I named my twin girls after Rei Ayanami and Asuka."
maggiekarp: dopfjvdfjvdofv
Mozz: ...oh no.
Mozz: oh no.
Myshu: "I even tattooed my girls' names on my arms--"
Myshu: And she bared her wrists and PROVED IT
Mozz: i assume you immediately called CPS on this woman.
maggiekarp: sweet jesus
maggiekarp: then again my mom threatened to name the latest baby Yotsuba if it was a girl
Myshu: They were right on her wrists--the rest of her arms were covered in weird flowers and tribal shapes
Myshu: Then she went on to say how fitting the names were for her kids (she named them before they were born)--how her Asuka was all red-headed and firey
Seris: and a fucking psychopath?
maggiekarp: Asuka was tsundere Seris
Seris: you are all saying words that dont make sense
* Mozz makes note of the Callback by mk
Myshu: I'm not sure if this was all barred-out fantasies of hers but it was hella fuckin' entertaining
DK: LMAO MYSHU
DK: LMAO FUCK yes
DK: fuck yes
DK: fuck yes
Myshu: Yes, I wish I had a camera
Myshu: Well technically there's the security cameras but like I have access to that shit
DK: That story
DK: so good
DK: so good
Myshu: I think the part I almost cracked at was when she was telling me about how she calls her kids
Myshu: I couldn't get it straight because she was talking about the difference between the Japanese names and the English dub names and I'm not sure which way she meant, but I distinctly remember her line
Myshu: "but when I shout AYANAMI across the house they know they're in trouble, hahaha"
maggiekarp: ffffffdfjdsjf
DK: fffffuck yes
Myshu: I would pay to watch that household for a day
Mozz: oh no.
DK: reality show based on parents who give children anime/videogame names
DK: "MY LIFE WITH SEPHIROTH"
Myshu: DK's having a 'gasm, MK's having a seizure
DK: This story was quite literally better than sex. Just knowing this woman exists, is drugged, has been in prison, and has Asuka and Reibabies
DK: Reibies?
Myshu: hahaha
Mozz: heh
Mozz: that WOULD explain some stuff.
Myshu: My line of work, it has its perks
---
Myshu: We've been getting these crazy fuckin' kids lately, they look about my age
Myshu: They flaunt about the store talking smack about their tree-trimming enterprises while harassing us over the prices of our chain saws
Myshu: And usually either one or both of these two numbskulls are drunk/stoned/barred out of their damn minds
Myshu: Anyway they've been buying/burning up/pawning chain saws with us for like two weeks
Myshu: This morning one of them is practically banging down the door before we're even open, cussing me out about letting me in
Myshu: "Fuckin' com'on, there's three minutes left!" (there were ten)
maggiekarp: mass murderers, Mysh
Myshu: Anyway chainsaw guy, he's standing outside the glass door with one of these chainsaws, cussing and shit--it was a sight
Mozz: oh my
Myshu: Eventually he gets inside and lays on his story: he got his ankle damn near cut off by--wow, who would've guessed--his friend's chain saw
Myshu: And desperately needed to pawn his saw to get money for pain meds
Angahith: haha what
Myshu: Long story short, fuckin' idiot in dangerous job gets fucked up while he's fucked up and wants to remedy the situation by getting more fucked up
Myshu: All the more power to 'im, we loaned him $70
---
Myshu: So I dunno, who's bored and wants more pawn shoppe shenanigans
Mozz: do it
Mozz: do it
Myshu: Well I sometimes wonder if the poverty and crime in my area has reached such a desperate level that nobody's even trying to be coy about it anymore
Mozz: :P
Myshu: Because this guy comes in today trying to pawn his "GPS man, y'know, for the car"
Myshu: And my boss looks squarely at it and says, "This isn't a GPS. It's a radar detector."
Myshu: So the dude just scoops it back up and storms out in a huff, saying loudly enough for all to hear,
Myshu: "Man, guys don't even know what they stole!"
---
Myshu: We found some glowsticks in a toolbox at my work
Myshu: Man, toolboxes are like RPG treasure chests at my job
Hermit: You work in a stormy tower full of zombies?
Hermit: lucky
SaintNick: no, she works in Breath of Fire IV
* SaintNick is the Secretary of Steak
SaintNick: I want to open a butcher shop and call it that
Zephira: Secretary of Steak? Sweet I want one of those Texan 70 oz ones
Myshu: Last week we found a box of ziplock baggies filled with some, uh--paraphernalia
Myshu: lil' scales and shit
Myshu: Com'on people you could at least clean up the evidence before PAWNING the stuff you might have stolen
SaintNick: how much did the little bags weigh?
SaintNick: because I'm looking for one that weighs about an ounce.
SaintNick: You could. you know. add other stuff to make it weigh that much.
Hermit: scales? like for weighing your junk?
SaintNick: you can't reliably weigh your junk
SaintNick: you can estimate it
SaintNick: but it's like trying to weigh your hand
Myshu: Well, without cutting it off...
---
Myshu: Cops swarmed our store today, by the way
Myshu: Well, "swarmed"
Myshu: There were two, but they kept lingering
Myshu: It only got funny when one of them self-consciously remarked, "Looks like we scared away all your customers--there's nobody else in here!"
Mozz: it's funny, myshu, because it's mostly true ! :D
Myshu: It totally fuckin' was
Mozz: 5-0 showing up is bad for Pawning business
Hermit: shu were they trying to shake you down for protection money or what
Myshu: No, they were on a case, but it was kinda fucked up
Sancdar: the case of the stolen radar detector
---
Myshu: Man, such a busy day at work, I'm bushed
Myshu: ...Can't even think of a good customer relations story, though
Myshu: I was so busy I missed my lunch break
Zephira: D: goeatfoods
* Myshu nom noms ramen
Myshu: Well we did have a long, awkward moment with a woman weeping on our counter
Mozz: oh my
maggiekarp: oh dear
SaintNick: do you give them a discount if they cry?
Myshu: Apparently not
Myshu: Nah, she needed something like $300
Myshu: We were only going to give her $225 for her TV
Myshu: So she's like "give me a minute" to think about it I suppose
Myshu: She decides to try the pawn shop across the street instead, and apparently they said they would give her $300, but only if she coughed up the receipt for the TV (it was a rent-to-own)
Myshu: She actually does have the receipt, goes home, comes back and shows it to them, and then for reasons we'll never know they tell her they won't take the TV anymore
Mozz: hah
Mozz: look who comes crawling back for 225 after all :D
Myshu: So she trudges back to our shop, defeated and weepy
SaintNick: that was a bit of an ordeal
Myshu: Just standing over the counter, silent tears of rage streaming down her face
Myshu: It's so quiet, so quiet, and we're all milling around there
Myshu: Occassionally she'll sob or something and I'm right next to her pretending to work and I don't know what to say, because everything that pops into my head sounds like a fortune cookie
Myshu: 'You no worry! It never rain every day! (me love you long time)'
Myshu: It wouldn't have gone over well
maggiekarp: aw
Zephira: That's the Thai food guy, right?
Myshu: It's hard to have a heart in my business
Myshu: We once turned away a woman holding a crying baby who said her car broke down half a mile down the road and the heat index was 100 degrees and she had to walk home to buy diapers with money she didn't have
Myshu: But we said no, because her laptop was crap
Zephira: Use a cloth diaper.
Myshu: Of course, there's this ONE woman we don't even try to bullshit, it's too sad
Myshu: She's estranged and dying of cancer, just all hobbling and weak all the time, struggling all the way from the next city over on her own to pay interest on her pawn loans
Myshu: And her shit's like two months past expired but NONE of us have the nads to yank that shit and sell it because, damn
Myshu: sad cancer lady karma
---
Myshu: So first thing today at work a customer tried to pawn a loaded Smith & Wesson .45
Myshu: Perhaps not the best thing to present to my suicidally depressed, disgruntled boss at nine in the morning on a Friday
---
Myshu: Actually the scariest guns are the ones old ladies bring in to pawn
Myshu: Yanking loaded 9mm's out of their purses and throwing them on the counter like they don't know which end to fuck
---
Myshu: Man, speaking of lezzing out, maybe I should go ahead and jump ship
Myshu: Them pawn shop guys are scary and gross
---
Myshu: Man, so
Myshu: who wants some pawn stories
Myshu: ('sup chat)
maggiekarp: me me me
Myshu: Well let me just say first that we have to be the only store asshat enough to mark all of our gold UP in price for the holidays
Myshu: The rationale is that it's to keep up with the soaring price of gold in the market, but com'on dudes, is it really worth it when a guy is leaning over the counter to exclaim in my face, "Where's the owner?? I want to CUSS HIM OUT"
Myshu: (actual quote)
Myshu: But anyway there was this lady this morning
Myshu: All surly and disheveled, dragging in a couple of industrial halogen lights on stands
Myshu: These sound like they might be expensive but they're not especially and we don't give a shit; we offered her fifteen bucks and she stormed out in a huff
DK: fifteen dollars god damn it
Myshu: Returns with the lights like, twenty minutes later
Myshu: "HE SAID WHATEVER"
Myshu: Agrees to the loan *while arguing over the amount*, and then when she's turning to leave guess what falls out of her pocket and breaks on the floor
Myshu: her crack pipe
maggiekarp: shiiiit
Myshu: Now I wouldn't have known what a crack pipe was if it poked my eye out--it was my two prestigous coworkers who honed in on that shit with frightening clarity
Myshu: ("WHOA A CRACK PIPE") ("Man the minute that dropped I knew what time it was; I know the sound of a crack pipe hitting the floor")
Myshu: And I'm like HOW but I don't even ask, and this lady doesn't come back for it
Myshu: Then people were pissy all day on the phone too, hanging up on me and calling the other dude I work with an asshole
Myshu: What was this, Pissy Thursday
DK: so what did you do with the c-pipe
DK: I'd sweep that up and throw it out
Myshu: And so we did
DK: Don't be smoking that rock, Shoe
DK: don't you do it
---
Myshu: So one of my bosses tried to get smart on the chief of police today
Myshu: Port Arthur PD, to be precise, when he came looking for a gun that his nephew and son-in-law stole and pawned
Myshu: But the report he waved in front of my manager was from Beaumont
Myshu: "But this police report is from Beaumont, isn't that out of your jurisdiction?"
Myshu: "Motherfucker I'm the *chief of pole-ice*"
Myshu: (is what he should have said)
Myshu: Instead he got cuffed upside the head by the other manager, who let the man look for whatever the fuck he wanted
Myshu: (because he's the *chief of police* damnit, don't fuck around)
DK: lmao
DK: That sounds like something from The Wire
DK: It's much more about the "being an asshole and passing the buck" part of being a cop than it is about the CSI pow pow shootie part
Myshu: Oh I believe it
Myshu: I've seen cops walk circles around our "confidential" system more than once
Myshu: There's this asshole who confiscated a nice guitar and waited for nobody to legally claim it before just taking it for himself
DK: hahaha
Myshu: Anyway the chief was amusing to watch because it was just like a personal vendetta, he REALLY wanted to throw his son-in-law behind bars
Myshu: Trying to get us to dig up shit on the video tape
Myshu: The kid in question is criminally retarded anyway, but damn
---
Myshu: Man I was just reminded of a pawne story from last week I never mentioned
themis56: tell tell
Myshu: This one isn't very exciting, just a girl I work with catching a fake ID
Myshu: girl: "Hey wait a second, this doesn't look like you."
Myshu: guy: "Uh? Yeah that's me."
Myshu: manager: *takes the ID and holds it aside* "So when's your birthday?"
Myshu: guy: "Uh... 2... 16... 86?"
Myshu: "Com'on man, you don't even know your own birthday, get out"
Myshu: guy didn't even say anything else, just turned and left
Myshu: That's how you know you got 'em
themis56: easily thwarted
themis56: "are you or are you NOT an organ donor?"
I started digging through my older IRC logs and found more, but I need to go to bed for now. Later!