Silly Jokes.
Pointless, ridiculous, stupid, idiotic, moronic...
But still fun. :) Very tragic that some fool probably uses these. Haha.
“Was your dad a dog-catcher? ‘Cause you’d look great on all fours!”
“I wanna treat you like a stamp: Lick you, stick you… and send you on your way.”
“So… what are you gonna make me for breakfast?”
“Hi! Would you like to sign my petition to decriminalize rape?”
[Point to your crotch] “Well? It’s not gonna suck itself!”
“If I follow you home… will you keep me?”
“Was it love at first sight or should I walk by again?”
“Wanna hear my design plans for my portion of the AIDS quilt?”
“Pardon me, which pickup line works best with you?”
“I want to melt in your mouth, not in your hands.”
“Any truth to the rumor that you’re just like butter, i.e., you spread for bread?”
“Let me introduce myself: I’m [your name], the next great love of your life.”
“Can I borrow a quarter?” [“What for?”] “I want to call my mom and tell her I just met the girl of my dreams.” OR: “I want to call your mother and thank her.”
“Is your daddy a thief?” [“No.”] “Then how did he steal the sparkle of the stars and put it in your eyes?” [Be ready with a snappy answer in case they say “yes.”]
“You’re so hot you melt the plastic in my underwear.”
“Would you be my love buffet? So I can lay you out on the table and take what I want?”
“Let’s go to my place and do the things I’ll tell everyone we did anyway.”
“The word of the day is ‘legs.’ Let’s go back to my place and spread the word.”
“Are your legs tired from running through my dreams all night?”
“That outfit would look great in a crumpled heap on my bedroom floor tomorrow morning.”
“My name’s [your name]. That’s so you know what to scream tonight.”
My name’s [your name], but you can call me “lover boy”
“Nice shoes. Wanna fuck?”
“Your daddy must have been a baker, ‘cause you've got a nice set of buns.”
[Look at her shirt label. When she says, “What are you doing?”] “Checking to see if you were made in heaven.” OR: “Checking to see if you're the right size.”
“Your bra is too tight-I think it’s cutting off your circulation. Here, let me remove it…”
“Did it hurt falling from heaven?”
“All those curves, and me with no brakes…”
“If I told you had a beautiful body, would you hold it against me?”
“Screw me if I’m wrong, but don’t you want to kiss me?”
“I like every muscle in your body, especially mine.”
[Grab her ass] “Pardon me, is this seat taken?”
“Is it hot in here or is it just you?”
“Can I have directions?” [“To where?”] “To your heart.”
“If I could rearrange the alphabet, I’d put U and I together.”
“How about you sit on my lap and we’ll see what pops up?”
“Do you know what’d look good on you? Me.”
“I miss my teddy bear. Would you sleep with me?”
“Do you have a little [Jew, Italian, Irish, etc.] in you? Would you like some?”
“Ugh! Me have boner!”
[Tap your thigh] “You just think this is my leg.”
“Say, that’s a nice [dress/outfit/article of clothing]. Can I talk you out of it?”
“I lost my phone number. Can I have yours?”
“I hope you know CPR, ‘cause you take my breath away.”
“Excuse me, is that semen in your hair?”
“My face is leaving in fifteen minutes. Be on it.”
“You must have a mirror in your pants, ‘cause I can see myself in ‘em.”
“Let’s play house. You be the screen door and I’ll slam you all day long.”
“Some guys buy really expensive cars to make up for certain shortages…well, baby, I don’t even own a car.”
“You must be a parking ticket because you’ve got “fine” written all over you.”
“Your dad must be a plumber ‘cause girl, you the shit!”
“My love for you is like diarrhea-I just can’t hold it in!”
“Are you from Tennessee? ‘Cause you the only ten-I-see!”
“It’s a good thing I brought my library card ‘cause I just checked you out!”
“I beg your pardon, but weren’t you Julia Roberts’ body-double in the movie Pretty Woman?”
“If you were an ice cream pop, I’d carefully remove your wrapper, slowly start licking around the edges, and methodically nibble until you were melting in my hands. Then I’d take the empty stick, break it in half, and throw it in the trashcan.”
“Your body’s name must be Visa, ‘cause it’s everywhere I want to be.”
“I may not be Fred Flintstone, but I bet I could make your bed rock.”
“I may not be the best looking guy here… but I’m the only one talking to you.”
“I can’t find my puppy. Can you help me find him? I think he went into this cheep hotel room…”
“If you were a new hamburger at McDonald’s, you’d be a McGorgeous!”
“You might not be the best looking girl here, but beauty is only a light switch away!”
“Are those space pants you’re wearing? ‘Cause your ass is out of this world!”
“I hope you’re not wearing a bellybutton ring. I’d hate to accidentally poke my eye out later on tonight…”
“Do me! I’m married-but I have a Porsche.”
“Excuse me, I lost my virginity. Can I have yours?”
“Hey, rabbit-Come eat my carrot!”
“Wanna go halfsies on a baby?”
I just lost several brain cells. :)
But still fun. :) Very tragic that some fool probably uses these. Haha.
“Was your dad a dog-catcher? ‘Cause you’d look great on all fours!”
“I wanna treat you like a stamp: Lick you, stick you… and send you on your way.”
“So… what are you gonna make me for breakfast?”
“Hi! Would you like to sign my petition to decriminalize rape?”
[Point to your crotch] “Well? It’s not gonna suck itself!”
“If I follow you home… will you keep me?”
“Was it love at first sight or should I walk by again?”
“Wanna hear my design plans for my portion of the AIDS quilt?”
“Pardon me, which pickup line works best with you?”
“I want to melt in your mouth, not in your hands.”
“Any truth to the rumor that you’re just like butter, i.e., you spread for bread?”
“Let me introduce myself: I’m [your name], the next great love of your life.”
“Can I borrow a quarter?” [“What for?”] “I want to call my mom and tell her I just met the girl of my dreams.” OR: “I want to call your mother and thank her.”
“Is your daddy a thief?” [“No.”] “Then how did he steal the sparkle of the stars and put it in your eyes?” [Be ready with a snappy answer in case they say “yes.”]
“You’re so hot you melt the plastic in my underwear.”
“Would you be my love buffet? So I can lay you out on the table and take what I want?”
“Let’s go to my place and do the things I’ll tell everyone we did anyway.”
“The word of the day is ‘legs.’ Let’s go back to my place and spread the word.”
“Are your legs tired from running through my dreams all night?”
“That outfit would look great in a crumpled heap on my bedroom floor tomorrow morning.”
“My name’s [your name]. That’s so you know what to scream tonight.”
My name’s [your name], but you can call me “lover boy”
“Nice shoes. Wanna fuck?”
“Your daddy must have been a baker, ‘cause you've got a nice set of buns.”
[Look at her shirt label. When she says, “What are you doing?”] “Checking to see if you were made in heaven.” OR: “Checking to see if you're the right size.”
“Your bra is too tight-I think it’s cutting off your circulation. Here, let me remove it…”
“Did it hurt falling from heaven?”
“All those curves, and me with no brakes…”
“If I told you had a beautiful body, would you hold it against me?”
“Screw me if I’m wrong, but don’t you want to kiss me?”
“I like every muscle in your body, especially mine.”
[Grab her ass] “Pardon me, is this seat taken?”
“Is it hot in here or is it just you?”
“Can I have directions?” [“To where?”] “To your heart.”
“If I could rearrange the alphabet, I’d put U and I together.”
“How about you sit on my lap and we’ll see what pops up?”
“Do you know what’d look good on you? Me.”
“I miss my teddy bear. Would you sleep with me?”
“Do you have a little [Jew, Italian, Irish, etc.] in you? Would you like some?”
“Ugh! Me have boner!”
[Tap your thigh] “You just think this is my leg.”
“Say, that’s a nice [dress/outfit/article of clothing]. Can I talk you out of it?”
“I lost my phone number. Can I have yours?”
“I hope you know CPR, ‘cause you take my breath away.”
“Excuse me, is that semen in your hair?”
“My face is leaving in fifteen minutes. Be on it.”
“You must have a mirror in your pants, ‘cause I can see myself in ‘em.”
“Let’s play house. You be the screen door and I’ll slam you all day long.”
“Some guys buy really expensive cars to make up for certain shortages…well, baby, I don’t even own a car.”
“You must be a parking ticket because you’ve got “fine” written all over you.”
“Your dad must be a plumber ‘cause girl, you the shit!”
“My love for you is like diarrhea-I just can’t hold it in!”
“Are you from Tennessee? ‘Cause you the only ten-I-see!”
“It’s a good thing I brought my library card ‘cause I just checked you out!”
“I beg your pardon, but weren’t you Julia Roberts’ body-double in the movie Pretty Woman?”
“If you were an ice cream pop, I’d carefully remove your wrapper, slowly start licking around the edges, and methodically nibble until you were melting in my hands. Then I’d take the empty stick, break it in half, and throw it in the trashcan.”
“Your body’s name must be Visa, ‘cause it’s everywhere I want to be.”
“I may not be Fred Flintstone, but I bet I could make your bed rock.”
“I may not be the best looking guy here… but I’m the only one talking to you.”
“I can’t find my puppy. Can you help me find him? I think he went into this cheep hotel room…”
“If you were a new hamburger at McDonald’s, you’d be a McGorgeous!”
“You might not be the best looking girl here, but beauty is only a light switch away!”
“Are those space pants you’re wearing? ‘Cause your ass is out of this world!”
“I hope you’re not wearing a bellybutton ring. I’d hate to accidentally poke my eye out later on tonight…”
“Do me! I’m married-but I have a Porsche.”
“Excuse me, I lost my virginity. Can I have yours?”
“Hey, rabbit-Come eat my carrot!”
“Wanna go halfsies on a baby?”
I just lost several brain cells. :)