In Which I Write A Story For Silvia
A few weeks ago HC received a gift from a fellow teacher who was leaving Highland. As it later turned out, and much to the relief of the HC, the gift was not actually for him but another teacher down the hall from him. It was given to him by mistake by the person the gift was left with.
Anyway.
The gift was a fancy box that contained a bottle of L'Occitane body wash. The fancy box was presented in a fancy bag that was filled with fancy tissue paper. When I returned home that day, the HC presented me with the bag and explained the circumstances to which he had received it. He was profoundly perplexed for several reasons, the two biggest reasons were that he (a) hardly knew the person who the gift had come from and (b) is rather fastidious in his personal hygiene maintenance and was therefore bewildered as to the meaning behind the gift.
I informed him that I was of the opinion that he smelled quite nice, and that the bag was very pretty. I suggested that he not fret about it overmuch because people are weird and there are worse things to receive from co-workers, such as lice or an invitation to a holiday party.
He concurred with my assessment of the situation and we left the box on the coffee table and the bag on the floor and headed out to the exciting world of the MVD Express so that I could get my drivers license renewed.
After the MVD had successfully sucked away a good portion of my soul and provided me with a temporary license (they have to send all the papers to the FBI or Homeland Security or Roswell for whatever reasons that allege our safety as a nation) we decided to grab some food for dinner before heading home.
Upon arriving home and entering the living room I noticed Monster slink off into the hall. Something in his movement alerted me to the fact that things were amiss, so I followed after him. I caught up to him as he jumped onto the windowsill in the computer room. I pulled back the curtain and he was staring at me with huge eyes full of terror and confusion.
Monster is a bit simple-minded, and add to that the fact that he's also completely paranoid and perpetually apprehensive, the tiniest upsets in his little feline world can cause him to become near catatonic with distress.
What had happened, apparently, is that when we left the house to go to the MVD Expressland of Immorality, Monster decided to explore the fancy bag that was filled with the fancy tissue paper, and at some point in the exploration things got Out Of Hand and he became… stuck.
My best guess is that he initially approached the inside of the bag -and the tissue paper goodness contained therein- through the handle (which was evidently made out of some kind of Kevlar-infused rope-paper) and then realized that he was In A Tight Spot. He then panicked, tried to back out from whence he came, became Even More Stuck, panicked some more, ran into the den to avoid the horror of the situation, was followed mercilessly by the Bag of Terrorizing Tissue (because he was still stuck in the handle) and eventually tore his way through the bottom of the bag to freedom.
Except that he wasn't free at all, because while he had destroyed the bag itself, the handle of the bag was still attached to what was left of the rim of the bag, and the diabolical contraption was encircling his neck and under his front leg (essentially up in his kitty armpit) and there was no way he could get it off.
So he went into a sort of stasis, much like in the Justice League Unlimited episode "The Cat and the Canary", where Green Arrow uses a stunner to put himself into a form of stasis while fighting Wild Cat.
I imagine that while all this was going down, both Meeks and Spazz had positioned themselves on the best vantage point available and were laughing their asses off. Much like the HC when he came into the room and I explained what had happened. Despite my look of profound disapproval at his mirth in the face of obvious kitty trauma, he continued to laugh about it for the rest of the evening. He will still burst into uncontrollable giggles if you say the words Monster and Bag in the same sentence.
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