Tyrant Destroyed by General's Hand

[mysteryfigurex]

By Mystery Banner journalist, JLast night, the renowned general, Spring, and the ruling tyrant queen, Winter, fought a cataclysmic battle over the sky. Though Winter put up a valiant stand, Spring was able to deliver a fatal blow, shattering Winter into trillions of tiny shards

Comments

[queenofnothing]

but there is still snow!

[mysteryfigurex]

The snow would be the remains of the frosty tyrant, raining down on us.

[queenofnothing]

well then

[pepsicolagurl]

Also known as...an exercise to see how many big words you can cram into three short paragraphs.

Too pretentious. But amusing nonetheless.

[mysteryfigurex]

Or an exercise in early 20th century journalism.

Very pretentious. Very amusing to attempt. I suppose I shall have to work on my technique though, if it wasn't recognized. There's always next time!

[pepsicolagurl]

What I meant by too pretentious: (It also falls into the big words thing.) It's difficult to read. For one thing, it doesn't seem to naturally flow when you read the words in your head. More often than not, you're stumbling over something like "valiant" when your logical mind knows that it could have been very easily cut out and replaced by a simple, every day word. It's like you're trying to hard to make it sound smart and grab one's attention, but it seems to have the opposite affect.

Essentially, when I read it the first time, it was "Read through the first two lines...big word...big word...big word...okay, commence scanning and not reading".

I hate stuff where it sounds like you're trying too hard. It's too unnatural.

Just my view of it. Others may disagree. Work on the basic idea before sounding like you swallowed a thesaurus. Don't try so hard, let it flow naturally without trying to reach for a certain word. It makes life and writing so much easier.

[amethest]

That would, I dunno, be what a lot of science-y, or historical treaties that he's trying to parody sound like.

I didn't trip over valiant or anything else...then again, those words are common and everyday to me.

[tearn]

yeah, I think spring got a royal shit kicking and its in for another today. :P Damn you winter!

[mysteryfigurex]

You'll see.

[amethest]

I suspect a coo by Winter's allies nee spies to spring (no pun intended) up just when Spring is in the throes of victory.

Old foes never die, they just melt, condense, and try again...

[queenofnothing]

isn't it spelt coup?