do you ever get to the point in your life when you wonder "what the hell did i do with my life?" you don't want to go back and change it necessarily, because then you might lose the few things that you've loved. what is there to do? where do you go from here ( Read more... )

how can i view my fate? i need to be able to see where i'm supposed to end up, because right now i am lost on how to get there. for someone that was supposed to be of the brightest, i have spent my life feeling pretty dim. i look back now, as i am at the point that i can no longer pretend to not grow up, and i see that i have accomplished ( Read more... )

i don't know if the wall between us will ever go down. i don't know how to reach through it. he tells me that i just don't communicate with him, but i know that i try. i'm not sure he'll ever understand though. he doesn't understand because he's never felt this way. he doesn't know how i just need to break something apart and bleed, just ( Read more... )

obviously it's been quite a while since i bothered with this thing. looking back, i'm not even sure what i was talking about in half those entries. perhaps i will erase them. but i think i should get back into a habit of putting the everyday happenings out there, and sharing stuff from my head. truly there is little to nothing going on these ( Read more... )

where do i turn when it's time to figure it all out or lose it all? i'm realizing there's too much for me to sort out on my own. but i don't have someone to turn to. even if all that i needed were a face to talk at, simply to hear it all myself, i could at least feel something was changing. it's not that i'm saying i have no friends, or that ( Read more... )

time for decisions. i go round and round with myself over all of this, but it's time to actually make my choices and stick to them. i'm told nothing is non-reversible but birth and death, so at least i know if i choose poorly, i can have a do over ( Read more... )

it's a difficult choice: fear or denial? i'm not sure which i find more comforting. basically i'm kind of stuck with both. utterly denying the fear in the pit of my stomach. and what happens when the truth becomes apparent? how must i handle everything in a calm and certain manner? i suppose none of it matters until it must, but i was always ( Read more... )

In the year 2007 I resolve to:
Getting myself admitted to a mental institution.

Get your resolution here.

so i fell in love with him. how did i manage that? it's way too soon for me to be even thinking this way, and yet i do. it seems everyone i talk to approves; has already married us off and is waiting to hear about the kids. what scares me is that i can imagine it happening. i don't want to say any of this to him obviously. it's getting a ( Read more... )

i'm growing used to the whole thing. a little less apprehensive, more comfortable in the concept. i'm not quite excited about it yet, but close. i find myself thinking about him and smiling again. happy feelings. he's definitely more comfortable with the whole thing being out in the open. too bad it took so long for us to work up the guts to ( Read more... )