Manifester: Cry Havoc!

Jan 18, 2005 19:56

Fenix had never completely understood the Solaris. Despite all the arguing on both sides, the Love Bind ceremony would happen, though later than Fenis and her lover would have wanted ( Read more... )

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A little more conversation a little more action... nairaithironaxe January 20 2005, 16:00:18 UTC
I think Elvis puts it best in that song.

A little more on the convo, lots of new terms require a lot more explanation of what those terms are, otherwise it's like trying to read english and japanese at the same time without a translator.

A little more action, you have a battle going on here, stretch it until there are no more minute details to stretch. Go WAYYYYYY more into depth about the baqttle, the surroundings, the weapon, etc... The battle should feel like a million pages yet read like a half-page. (if you got your action-interest) going right.

Great chapter though, I'm DEFINATELY interested.

~Oro

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