Fic: Mad World, Chapter 9, (Part 1)
In here, a boy tries to understand and deal with anger the likes of which he's never felt before, overwhelming worry for a friend who might as well be his brother, and the sick feeling that he's let him down in the worst possible way.
(Previous: Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3, Chapter 4, Chapter 5, Chapter 6, Chapter 7, Chapter 8)
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Chapter 9: Sit and Listen
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"Thanks," Kurt said in a smooth, low tone. He hardly ever spoke much louder than that these days, and Finn didn't like it. It was weird, not at all what he was used to, and he didn't want to get used to this.
He smiled at him anyways. "No problem."
He handed Kurt the mug of hot tea, and then sat back down on the couch and played the movie. They had been alternating between movies that Kurt enjoyed and movies that Finn liked, which had been working out pretty well. Right now they were watching Chicago and Finn was actually having fun with it. During some of the boring parts (of which there were surprisingly few) he easily pictured Rachel in Catherine Zeta-Jones role (and outfits). His girlfriend could totally rock that.
He pointed out as much to Kurt, who rolled his eyes and said, "Rachel playing a conniving, manipulative diva with a raging ego? What a leap."
Finn tossed a pillow at him. "Hey, that's my girl you're talkin' about!"
Kurt reached a hand out from the pile of blankets he seemed to be always buried underneath, catching the pillow one handed, and throwing it back. "Tell me what part of that sentence wasn't accurate, and I'll apologize." He almost had a smirk on his face, and even though he was being mean about Rachel, it was all so close to normal Finn couldn't help but be a little happy about it.
But he really should defend his girlfriend now. Finn opened his mouth and then paused. "Well, she might kinda be all those things - but she's not like, completely self-centred, and she's an awesome friend. She totally has my back - and yours, too, Kurt."
Kurt's almost-smirk faded into a small smile. "Yeah, I know."
Finn jerked in his seat, suddenly remembering his latest message from the small diva. "Rachel said she's coming by tomorrow. She wanted to talk with you alone. And she's says she's sorry, again. For, you know, not hanging around as much as we've all been."
Kurt nodded. "That's cool, I guess. I wonder why no one else has barged in our solitude yet."
Finn smiled sheepishly. "Well, that was me, actually. I figured after what happened yesterday, you wouldn't want people just . . . hovering around. So, uh, I told everyone to back off for a day or two. They mentioned maybe popping in on Sunday. But, uh, if I -"
"No, no." There was a warmth and gratitude in Kurt's expression that Finn hadn't seen directed at him since before a certain encounter in Kurt's basement, months ago. "Thanks, Finn - that's perfect."
Finn relaxed back into the couch cushions, beneath a thin blanket of his own (that wasn't long enough, but nothing ever was), and went back to watching the movie.
After the craziness that was last night, he and his mom had gone home really late and come over really early today (like they had been doing pretty much every day). Burt had been up, looking like he hadn't slept at all, and Finn couldn't blame him. He didn't know what had happened after they had left the basement, but he guessed Kurt had probably talked to his father more about some of the stuff Finn had overheard (unintentionally) from his conversation with the cops a few days back. That was the stuff of nightmares for anyone - he couldn't even imagine what was going through Burt's head while hearing those things about his son.
Earlier this morning, Finn had given his mom and Burt some alone time while he went to check on Kurt in the basement. He hadn't been surprised at all to see Mercedes slowly making her way out of Kurt's bed, trying not to wake him. She'd given Finn a weak smile, and he smiled back before heading upstairs again, letting her get ready for school in private. It was strange, but at the same time sort of not, him being suspended; it felt necessary. He didn't think he could handle being back in that school yet, not after the rage he'd felt just looking at Karofsky's face. That bastard was suspended too, but there were his buddies and a few of the douchebags from the football team still present at the school, and Finn wasn't too sure he'd be able to keep from punching someone, anyone out.
Plus, it meant he got to watch over Kurt.
While Finn's mom and Burt were hanging out with Kurt in the basement, Mercedes gave Finn something like her blessing to watch over Kurt, and that was fine with Finn. It was new, this strong, irresistible urge to take care of Kurt - but Finn wasn't going to fight it. He wanted to keep as much badness away from the other boy as he could.
That was why, when his mother took him aside after Burt left to drop Mercedes off at school, he had no trouble accepting her news.
Finn didn't know why it surprised him, but it did, and he couldn't help widening his eyes. "We're moving back in?"
His mom bit her lip. "I know it feels probably about as sudden as the last time. And if you have strong objections to it, we won't do it, Finn, but will you hear me out?"
Finn nodded - he'd listen, but he already knew his answer.
"After Burt's heart attack, I asked him if he would consider letting me stay with him - I don't need to tell you how worried I was. And not just for him. For Kurt to be taking most of the responsibility for his father's care - I didn't want that for him. But Burt said that he didn't want me to move in to play nurse, and he wanted to wait for a little while longer to have this discussion. Now . . . he talked it over with Kurt first, and he just asked me if we could come back. The plan is to buy a house together, real soon, but for now we'll all be here. If you feel uncomfortable about staying with Kurt, Burt says he's been meaning to buy a fold-out couch anyways, and he'll do it this weekend -"
"Mom, it's fine. I'm totally cool with it."
And he was, he wasn't lying - not even to himself. The idea of being closer to Kurt was a relief (he shot a glance towards the boy on the couch, reassuring himself that Kurt was still there and still okay). He wouldn't even mind rooming with Kurt, but he felt like maybe he should hold off on that for a bit, and let the other boy have his room to himself.
The phone ringing made them both jump, and Finn watched as Kurt had to actually calm himself down by closing his eyes and taking deep breaths.
Finn grabbed the cordless that had basically taken up residence in the living room. "Hello?"
"Hey, buddy, just calling to see how you two were doing."
Finn shot Kurt a small smile. "We're pretty cool, Burt - working on movie number four."
"Wow, you're really ploughing through them, aren't ya? Is Kurt still awake?"
"Yeah, you want to talk to him again?"
"Nah, just let him stay nice and cosy under his blankets. I'll see you guys when I get back - in a couple of hours, after we buy that new couch."
Finn hung up. That had been Burt's second call of the day. His mom had called once, around lunchtime, to make sure Finn wasn't doing anything fancy or crazy in the kitchen that would involve the fire department being called in (again). But no, Finn had stuck to his favourite cooking tool - the microwave. That and leftovers equalled a recipe for success.
By the end of Chicago, Kurt was dozing, and Finn was fielding texts from all the gleeks. There was one from Ida, asking if he wanted her to drop off the contents of Kurt's locker. Finn blinked for a second, then he remembered that the original plan for that day involved everyone coming over later (after detention), and Mercedes had mentioned she was going deal with Kurt's locker. She said Ida would be over first since the shy girl had volunteered to deliver Kurt's things.
However, he had promised Kurt a friends-free day, and even though Ida was pretty quiet and stuff, he wouldn't feel right making an exception. He texted her and asked if she wouldn't mind coming tomorrow. He received a response almost instantly. Not a problem: tell Kurt whenever he's ready is all right with me :) He wondered if Mercedes had told Ida about the epic breakdown.
Kurt muttered something in his sleep and Finn shot him a quick look. He knew from their short time as roomies that Kurt wasn't much of a sleep-talker. The other boy's face contorted for minute, as if he was in pain; Finn was untangling himself from his blanket and standing over Kurt before he knew it. But he had no idea what to do as Kurt started whimpering. He reached out a hand in fits and stops, before kind of patting Kurt on the head, as gently as possible. The noises decreased slightly, which encouraged him, so he whispered, "It's cool, Kurt - you're home. You're safe. You're safe."
Kurt quieted, curling in on himself and pulling his own blankets up to his chin. He looked unbearably young, but the dark rings under his eyes, the frown lines (neither of which Finn was ever going to mention out loud), made him look older too. It was messing with Finn's head, and he wished suddenly that his mom, or Burt, were home, or even Mercedes - she was awesome, and she was Kurt's best friend. She always knew what to say and how to talk him down.
His phone buzzed as it received another text, this one from Puck: Dude, I need to talk with you - it's about Karofsky. Just seeing that name had red edging in on Finn's vision. He turned off the TV and DVD player, heading towards his mom and Burt's room, just down the hall, so he could hear it when Kurt got up. He speed-dialled Puck's number, and the first ring was cut off almost immediately. "Hey man, how's my boy Kurt doin'?"
It had taken Finn a while to get used to Puck referring to Kurt as 'his boy', considering that the last time he said more than two words to Kurt, it was to send him to spy on the Dalton Academy 'Garglers'. Now it seemed, at least to Finn, that Puck was feeling either protective or guilty, or maybe even both.
Artie and Mike had told Finn about Puck; that he was prowling the hallways of McKinley, looking for any jock wielding a slushie or looming over any geek of any kind - even Jewfro. It had been a long time since Puck had bullied anyone (except for Jewfro, but the annoying jerk usually had it coming), and even longer since he'd done anything to Kurt. The way Finn saw it, Puck was trying to make up for everything now, to be as different from the jocks that harassed Kurt as he could possibly be. Finn was cool with that. In fact, it made him think that he and Puck could become close friends again - maybe.
"Yo, Finn, don't space out on me - how's Kurt?"
Finn felt his lips quirk into a smile. "He's okay. He's sleeping right now. Whatever Burt and Mercedes did last night . . . it helped. He's a lot calmer."
"Cool. Now, listen up. I was listening in on a few of the punks that didn't get expelled, and they were saying that Karofsky was totally in on it. They're sayin' it was his idea."
Finn blinked, staring blankly at the wall. "But Kurt . . . and the police haven't . . . everyone says it was all Azimio. I think it's bull, Puck. Everyone pretends to know stuff when something this big happens."
"Yeah, well, you tell me - who's really been gunning for Kurt lately, huh? It wasn't Azimio. Maybe it was all Karofsky's plan, and Azimio just went ahead and did it for him?"
Finn considered that for a moment. It was possible. But then, why wasn't Kurt saying anything? Maybe he didn't know? Ida had said that Karofsky had been there, that he'd stopped Azimio - but how had he known to come in the first place? Since no one was arresting him, Finn had been assuming that the asshole really hadn't had anything to do with this, but, then again, Karofsky was just such a bastard.
"Look, just don't get into too much trouble, okay? Lay low, and we'll figure things out. The most important thing right now is to get Kurt better, and keep him safe."
"I get what you're saying. You take care of things over there, I'll keep my eyes and ears open."
Finn hung up, staring at his phone for a minute. He realized that all of those questions he had, that had been bothering him since he calmed own enough to think straight after the riot at school, could be answered by the boy passed out on the couch. The thing was that he really didn't know how to ask, and he really, really didn't want to either. The snippets he'd heard when Kurt had been giving his statement, they still made his skin crawl, prickling with goosebumps. Sometimes, when he couldn't help but try and imagine what it was like for Kurt to go through all of that, his stomach would start twisting, and his fists would be clenching.
It sounded stupid, even to him, but he needed to know if all this raw, burning rage was being directed at the right people. Azimio for sure was the right target, but as much as he hated Azimio and knew he was to blame for this, he couldn't let go of Karofsky. If the bastard were standing in front of him right at that moment, he'd take him apart, no question. His fingers flexed as he thought about it - itching for vengeance on his almost-stepbrother's behalf, and maybe for Ida since she saved Kurt and had been hurt too.
Wait. He didn't have to ask Kurt, not right away. He could ask Ida first. His phone was dialling and up to his ear within the same second he had that thought, Ida's soft voice answering with a raspy, "Hello?"
Suddenly, Finn had no clue what to say. He didn't know this girl, not really, and maybe this was too much, too intense to ask about over the phone?
"Hey, uh, if it's all right, would you mind bring Kurt's stuff over today? I know I said not to, but, I'm pretty sure there's some scarves or something that he's missing and -"
Ida chuckled. "Okay, hang on." Her voice took on a distant quality as she likely held the phone away from her ear. "Mom? Would you mind if we swung by Kurt's after all?"
Finn could hear her mom say, 'Sure' or something like it, and then Ida was back. "Okay, we'll be there in ten minutes."
Finn thanked her and pushed the 'end call' button, wandering back out into the living room. Kurt was fast asleep, and he didn't want to wake him, but he also didn't want him waking up alone, maybe panicking. He made sure the cordless was within reach (another weird adjustment was seeing Kurt without his phone; Finn didn't know where he'd put it, and he was pretty sure Kurt hadn't turned it on for days - that's why Finn had suddenly become the secretary). Even though it felt a little stupid, he left a note saying he was just on the porch, talking with Ida, and Kurt could totally stay inside and sleep if he wanted to.
After adjusting the blankets and refilling Kurt's glass of water, Finn went to grab his coat and shoes. He shoved his cell phone into his pocket and tiptoed out of the house, settling himself comfortably on the front porch. He ended up shedding the coat though - it was pretty warm today, warmer than a fall day should be.
When Ida pulled up, Finn bounced down the stairs, ready to help her with her crutches.
"Hey - when are you getting rid of these?" he asked as he fished them out of the backseat for her.
"Another couple of days and we're through," she said with relief, taking them from him. "Thank you."
The car door slammed on the driver's side, and Finn glanced over the roof to smile at Ida's mother. "Hi Mrs. Callaghan." For the few minutes Finn had talked to her at the hospital last week, she'd seemed super nice, and the way she had taken Burt's hand and promised to help him ream the school board out for what happened? That was awesome.
"Hello, Finn," she said with an answering smile.
"Sorry for, uh, this," Finn spoke as he helped Ida up the steps. "I guess I just figured it's better to um, have his stuff. In case he wants it. And, he's sleeping right now, so if it's cool -"
"Finn, it's fine." Mrs. Callaghan grabbed a bag, which clearly had Kurt's things. "We'll sit out here - it's an Indian summer day, and I'd like to enjoy it while it lasts."
Ida was sitting comfortably on the porch chair while Finn sat next to her and her mom leaned against the porch rail. He abruptly knew how awkward this conversation would be in front of Ida's mom. Maybe I should just forget it - it had been such a stupid, impulsive decision to call her in the first place.
"How're you doing, Finn?" Ida's mom asked.
Finn replied without thinking, "Kurt's a bit better but - oh, sorry. I'm . . . okay."
Ida let loose another quiet chuckle, and Mrs. Callaghan shook her head. "Ida's been filling my ears with Kurt all week and it's good to know that he's doing well. I'm just worried about the rest of you, too."
Finn looked into her kind eyes - he knew very little about Ida, and even less about her mom, but they were starting to turn up more and more often. Her mom had been exchanging many phone calls with Burt lately, which had him thinking she might be popping by as whatever they were doing to the school board kept going.
Finn relaxed, and tried to come up with the right words - he just had to know. He chewed on the inside of his cheek, keeping quiet before sucking it up and just saying whatever came into his head.
"Look, if you don't want to answer me on this, it's fine, I don't want to ask Kurt, 'cause, uh, well, it's hard to ask him anything - but I get that this is totally hard on you too."
Ida blinked but said nothing, and her mom braced her hands on the rail behind her, crossing her legs at the ankle. "Finn, slow down. What is it you're getting at here?"
He took in a deep breath. "It's about Karofsky." Ida's face fell and Finn instantly felt guilty. "Sorry, sorry -"
"No, no, go ahead. I'd rather you ask me than Kurt, I guess."
"Ida -"
"It's fine, mom."
Feeling positively awful now, Finn forged on ahead. "You, uh, you said that Karofsky was there, but I wanted to know if he -"
"He didn't hurt Kurt, or me, I swear. I would've said something. Why do you think he wasn't arrested?"
Finn sighed. "Yeah, I figured. But Karofsky, you haven't really seen -"
"I've been here long enough to have seen plenty," Ida interrupted, looking surprised at her own words. "Sorry, I didn't mean to . . . I watched him in the hallways. Him and Azimio. And no one ever . . ." She didn't finish, staring down at her lap. Finn had to look away.
"Where were you? Why couldn't you see how bad it was hurting?"
He didn't think he would ever forget a word of what Kurt said last night.
A hand ghosted lightning quick over his arm. "Mercedes told me that if it would have been anyone, it would've been Karofsky. But Finn, he stopped Azimio, he . . ." She trailed off, glancing at her mother. "It was weird - there was something strange about it. He and Kurt . . . I think you need to ask him at some point," she ended miserably. "Guess I'm not much help after all."
Finn was quick to grab her hand. "Never say that, okay? What you did? Man, that was just beyond awesome."
Ida tried to smile, but she didn't quite manage it. Finn squeezed her fingers and then let go, attempting to get his own thoughts in order. He slumped as he considered the fact that maybe Karofsky really hadn't had anything to do with it. "I still want to kill the bastard more than anything. I don't get why though - shouldn't I want Azimio dead?"
"Maybe it's because you know Azimio is going to get his just desserts?" Mrs. Callaghan offered, crossing her arms. "Personally, I wouldn't mind accidentally backing over the jackass with my car for what he did to my girl. But he's been caught, and I've been calling the D.A. - Burt and I both have been, actually - they're going to seek permission to try him as an adult, considering the fact that it was so clearly a hate crime against Kurt, and a serious assault on top of that. When it comes to this Karofsky kid -"
"He was just as bad, if not worse. And he's Azimio's best friend, how could he not -" Finn cut himself off with a frustrated noise. "It's not fair. Kurt, he's not coming back to school, and that bastard, once his suspension is up, is."
"You know that Kurt could tell you better than Ida what this boy had to do with all this," Mrs. Callaghan pointed out gently.
Finn looked up at the woman, rubbing his damp palms against his sweatpants-clad thighs. "Kurt, he's . . . um . . ."
"Ida told me about last night - second hand news from Mercedes." She moved to sit down in a chair directly across from Finn and Ida. Leaning in close to them she caught Finn's eyes and held his gaze. "But I don't think you're going to break him by asking. A large part of Kurt's breakdown might've been due to the fact that you're all talking around the issues, or talking about him when he's not there to clarify anything for you. Maybe the topics you're afraid to broach are what he needs to be discussing. Don't be afraid. You're his friend - if he tells you to stop, or that he can't talk, you listen to him. But if he doesn't . . . trust your instincts."
Ida cleared her throat. "Listen Finn, I saw some of what Azimio was doing and," her voice cracked there, but she kept going, "if I hadn't been talking about with my mom this past while . . . Mercedes has been e-mailing me, and that's helped a lot too. I know that Kurt's different, that he's stubborn and strong in ways that I'm not, and he may not need you all breathing down his neck. But I don't think that means he wants you guys to leave him alone entirely. After all, isn't that what he's been doing all this time - going it alone?"
"You're all suddenly here every day, talking with me like you've known me all your life, like you really care, but why couldn't you have cared earlier! Why couldn't you have stopped this before Azimio did this to me!"
Finn winced. "Yeah . . . I really wish I knew exactly what I was doing, you know?"
Ida's mom chuckled. "Oh Finn, trust me when I tell you that you'll be thinking that for all of your life, in any given situation."
Finn felt a lot of his discomfort and concern ease in the wake of that light laughter. He and Ida grinned at each other and it was a great moment for Kurt to walk out onto the porch, wrapped in his dark blue robe, looking a little lost, but with a smile in reply to all of their own.
"Hey Kurt." Ida gave a little wave. "You look positively smashing, I have to say."
Kurt spared a look for his clothes, tugging his robe closer to his body. "Yes, definitely a trend-setter in this outfit - the cover of 'Slovenly Monthly' is mine."
Finn had to smile even wider at that, and Ida giggled, glancing at her mother with a tilt of the head towards Kurt. Mrs. Callaghan stretched out a hand. "We didn't get a chance to meet at the hospital, Kurt. I'm Ida's mom, Mona Callaghan."
"I realize. You have the same lovely complexion." Kurt shook her hand, his own skin stark against her more peach-like tone. "Ida told me she had no concept of moisturizing or facial cleanses - and look, not a single blemish, sun spot, anything. I see now it's a genetic trait. I'm insanely jealous."
Mrs. Callaghan burst out laughing, and she was even blushing a little. "Oh, Kurt, your father and Ida both told me about you, but let me tell you - the stories don't live up to the reality."
Kurt shrugged. "Tales of my general 'divatude' are greatly . . . understated."
Finn snorted at this, and Ida looked like she holding back another round of giggles. He shot her a side-glance; Finn hadn't quite figured out Ida yet.
His first impression had been of someone small and shy, and he'd thought she had a crush on Kurt. After getting to her know for a couple of days, she seemed more than okay with Kurt's sexuality, so the only thing he could think of now was that she might have a case of hero worship. Kurt was cool and all, but with all the slushies that had been thrown in his face over the years, and the dumpsters tosses (every single one of those memories made him feel sick to his stomach), he didn't think anyone else would ever see Kurt as cool because of all that. But Ida did. And did it make him a jerk if he didn't quite see how she saw Kurt?
Finn saw Kurt as awesome and different - but now (and he hated himself for it) the label 'victim' was all too easy to slap on over all that. He was trying hard to not see it that way, but Kurt was standing before him in a robe, all quiet and a pale imitation of his old self.
"We brought everything from your locker," Ida was explaining. "It's all here. I was kind of tempted to steal that dark purple sweater, the one with the sequins on the -"
"It's yours, if you truly want it," Kurt interrupted, smiling that little half-smile that Finn hated - it was like Kurt had given up, or something and it just didn't suit him at all. "With your skin and hair? It'll look far better on you than me."
"Kurt . . ." Ida's jaw dropped for a moment. It seemed to take her some time to find her voice after that. "Kurt, I was just kidding, you don't have to -"
"Listen, girl-who-saved-my-life - I think your title speaks for itself, doesn't it?" And the smile grew there. "Ida, a lot of that stuff is last season, or back-up in case of slushie or dumpster. I won't need it anymore. Honestly, wear it proudly. Without me at McKinley, there will likely be a dramatic decrease in style and flair. Carry on my tradition."
It was funny . . . and it wasn't. Finn sighed, feeling his lips tug downwards; Ida didn't even try for a smile and her mother reached out to put a hand on Kurt's shoulder. He watched as Kurt frowned, glancing at all their faces, and Finn could see Kurt not quite understanding their reactions. He suddenly found himself not wanting his suspension to end - because going back to McKinley, without Kurt, with everything that had happened, was going to suck.
Kurt seemed to shake off his confusion after a few seconds. "Right. I'm going to head back inside. Mrs. Callaghan, Ida, do either of you want something to drink?"
"No, Kurt, sweetheart, you go on in and rest. We're the ones interrupting you here," Mrs. Callaghan was quick to respond.
Ida nodded. "Yeah, Kurt and um, thank you for the sweater."
Kurt was now looking distinctly embarrassed, and it was Finn's turn not to understand why. He puzzled over it as Kurt waved good-bye to them, waiting for the car to pull out before turning and disappearing back into the house without even looking once towards Finn. He blinked and followed after a lengthy pause.
Kurt sat on the couch, wrapped in blankets again. He shot Finn a side look before laying down once more, facing the back of the couch and shutting his eyes.
Finn stood at a distance, shuffling his weight between his feet, watching as Kurt's breathing slowed into a deep and regular rhythm again.
His phone buzzed, and he glanced down to see a text from Tina asking if they were all still welcome on Sunday. Finn sent back a message saying he was pretty sure it was cool, but he'd ask Burt and Kurt later tonight and let them know. Two seconds after that it was a text from Blaine: Hey, Mercedes gave me your number, I hope that's okay. Just wanted to check in and find out how Kurt was doing. Let him know that I'm thinking of him. Would it be all right if I came by tomorrow or Sunday?
Finn smiled. He liked Blaine. It was kind of interesting to watch Blaine interact with his almost-brother - the preppy boy acted all cool and friendly sometimes, warm and compassionate more often, all with a careful sort of a distance, but Finn was pretty familiar with looks of longing by now. Finn's near-constant observing of all things related to Kurt, coupled with his own long days of pining for Rachel, made it pretty easy to guess that Blaine was entering crush-zone. It was awesome, because Kurt totally deserved to have someone as nice and cool as Blaine liking him, even if Kurt didn't like Blaine back (well, he liked him, obviously, but if he like-liked him, Finn couldn't tell).
He texted back, Sunday. I gotta ask Burt, but everyone might be coming over, so you should too. Let you know soon.
After that, he went into the kitchen, dialling for pizza, using the money Burt had left behind by the phone. Burt had also written down the only combination of cheeses and toppings that Kurt would eat, which Finn read off to the operator on the other end, followed by a second pizza - Meat Lovers. He headed back into the living room, settling into his previous position, and flicking the TV back on, quick with the mute button so Kurt wouldn't be disturbed.
He channel-surfed for a time, stopping on a few sports channels, taking in the scores for everything from baseball to squash (which utterly confused him, because: vegetable? A sport named after a vegetable? What was up with that?). He landed on the news, reading the captions provided, only vaguely interested in Mrs. Sullivan's twentieth grandchild having been born, but then it switched over to the headline story - and that was McKinley in the background.
Finn sat up, staring hard, tempted to unmute it, but he definitely did not want Kurt to wake up to this. He read the closed captioning, his stomach swooping lowly.
While Principal Figgins has continued to be mum on the subject of the alleged assault that took place only a week ago, changes to school policy are already being discussed board-wide. Both the victim and the accused are minors, and thus cannot be named, but we have received reports from several credible sources that the alleged assaulter may be tried as an adult, and that the student attacked will no longer be attending William McKinley High School. Back to you, Rod.
"Goddamnit!" someone hissed, causing Finn to jump.
It was his mom, standing right behind him, scowling at the TV as if it was her number one enemy in the entire world. Finn parted his lips to ask what the hell was going on when Kurt made a soft noise, eyes blinking open. Faster than Finn thought he could move, he went up one channel and then shut off the TV. By this point Kurt was sitting up, rubbing at his eyes, and then glancing up at them both.
"Hi. So, was the shopping trip successful? Because this couch has had far too many people sleeping on it lately - its comfort levels have dropped significantly."
Finn hung back as Kurt chatted with their parents about the shopping trip, trying to catch his mother's eye. She glanced over at him once, shook her head slightly, and jumped right back into the conversation.
Much later, he and Burt had struggled with putting the old couch out on the curb, and bringing in the new one (which looked infinitely more comfortable - good news for Finn). Burt agreed that it was fine for their friends to come over on Sunday, so Finn sent out a mass text confirming that for everyone. Soon after, Kurt was down in the basement, apparently fast asleep, though Burt went downstairs to check for himself. It was something he did quite often, the 'just checking' thing. Finn didn't blame him. When it was just him and Kurt, he didn't like being too far from him either - like somehow, something else, something more could happen if he wasn't close by.
"Mom?" Finn sat at the kitchen table, watching her put the last few plates in the dishwasher. "Mom, what was with the news story?"
She slammed the dishwasher shut hard, turning dials and flicking it on before facing him. She looked tired, both she and Burt did, all the time.
"It's nothing that you should be too concerned over. They can't mention names because both Kurt and that . . . boy are under-aged. I've been doing everything I can to make sure they understand that there's a lawsuit waiting for them if there's anything said that shouldn't be. But . . ." She bit her lip, wringing her hands a little. She came over, sitting down next to him, turning the chair to face him. "Finn, this is starting to get a lot of attention - people talk, you know that. But I'm doing my damndest - Burt's getting busy talking with lawyers about dealing with the school board, and keeping an eye on that boy's trial, so I've been taking over everything else and making sure the reporters and news people don't get too out of hand. You've been pretty much cooped up here in the house, but if anyone you don't know tries to call and ask questions, or if anyone comes to do the door, you let me know, okay?"
Finn felt a bit overwhelmed by this - reporters and news' crews asking about Kurt? About Azimio? Then again, when he really thought about it, how could they not know who it was? Lima wasn't tiny, but it definitely wasn't big either. Kurt stood out, and now that he wasn't in school, even the kids that hadn't been there that day had to know about it, and their parents had to know about it. How long could this stay under wraps?
"Finn, even if some of them figure out that it was Kurt that was, they still can't say anything, because Kurt's under-aged, all right? And soon this will all blow over. Unfortunately, tragedies like these can be a dime a dozen," she said with a bitter smile coupled with a hand resting on his thigh.
Finn hated that she was right, that what happened to Kurt wouldn't be big news after a few weeks, because who cared about another kid being beaten up for being different? Didn't that happen just about every day, sometimes with no one finding out about it? His hands clenched into fists on his lap, the overpowering urge to hit someone - Karofsky - surging up in him again, but he swallowed hard and breathed deeply, trying to calm himself. He managed a nod and half smile for his mom; she brushed a kiss against his temple before standing up and heading towards her bedroom.
They had already unfolded the bed from the couch, and put sheets and blankets on it for him. Finn stood contemplating it for a moment before collapsing face first onto it. It creaked a little as he found a good position, but yes, this was pretty freaking comfy.
He was half-asleep, dozing, when he heard a small clattering in the kitchen. He jumped up, tangled in his blankets, nearly falling to the floor. The light in the kitchen came on, just bright enough to cast a soft glow on him.
"Finn?"
"Kurt?" Finn shoved the blankets off, squinting towards the bright kitchen to see the other boy standing there, holding a glass of milk in his hands. Kurt was shaking a little, and there was redness to his eyes. Despite the drowsiness weighing down his limbs and mind, Finn managed to put the clues together, his voice soft as he asked, "Nightmare?"
Kurt didn't respond, but Finn didn't need him to - he was sure that was what was going on. He sat up, patting the bed next to him. Kurt stood unmoving for a while before taking slow steps and sitting gingerly on the edge of the mattress. Finn said nothing as Kurt finished off his milk, putting the glass on the couch-side table. He sat there, hands folded in his lap, though Finn could pick out the fine trembling in his fingers.
The silence stretched for untold minutes but Finn was okay with it. He wanted Kurt to be the one to say something first, and his wish was granted when he explained, very quietly, "You know I get them every time I close my eyes, but tonight it was like I was there again and it took me . . . a while, once I woke up, to remember that I wasn't. In the dark, alone . . . I had to remember that I wasn't dead, he hadn't killed me - I hadn't gone and left my father alone."
Finn couldn't quite make out his facial expression, but that shivering was back. He'd heard Burt talk about the fact that no matter how many blankets or how high the temperature in the house, sometimes Kurt would shiver and get cold, even though the doctors said that the hypothermia had passed. His heart hurting, his eyes closing, Finn had to force down unexpected tears because this was all so wrong. Kurt was like this ghost of himself, and sometimes he was clearer and present, but other times it was like you could look through him because he was barely there; Finn would have to squint to see anything that reminded him of the boy that could flounce out of a room even in a wheelchair, or demand that jocks pound him into paste because 'I'm proud to be different, it's the best thing about me'.
He grabbed an extra blanket that he wasn't using (because the house was a few degrees warmer than usual), and wrapped it gently around Kurt's shoulders. Kurt hardly flinched at the gesture, for which Finn was grateful, but he did tug the blanket in closer around him, the shuddering in his limbs a lot more apparent.
Even though he had no freaking idea what to say, Finn started talking, low and hopefully comforting. "It's going to be a long time before you stop having nightmares about this. It's . . . you're doing great, I think. I mean, you're dealing with it better than anyone we know would, and I'm including myself in that."
"But it wouldn't happen to anyone we know," Kurt disagreed and Finn could see the thin, weak smile that he was growing to hate. "Because no one we know is me - is loud, and so noticeable and gay."
Finn barely resisted the urge to punch Kurt in the shoulder like he would any of his other male friends - like he'd lightly done to Kurt on occasion before this whole mess - to make them stop thinking such stupid things. "Dude, hell yes this could have happened to anyone we know. Those assholes picked on you a hell of a lot, and I'm sorry we didn't stop them, I'm so sorry." Finn could hear the tears warping his voice again, but he swallowed hard and kept going. "But you weren't the only one they were brutal to - the crap they've done to me in the locker room alone, like when they held me down and drew on my face, snapped at me with towels. Look at Mercedes, she's your best friend, and she can be loud and noticeable too, and we know some of these douchebags don't give a crap that she's a girl. You told me how they actually shoved Tina. Rachel is louder than you, and uh, I know she's my girlfriend, but she can be obnoxious and definitely noticeable. And Artie, holy crap, the things they've done to him . . . Anything, or anyone of us could've set them off. It's not on you, dude, what happened - it's on them."
Kurt didn't say anything for another long while. He turned to Finn eventually, tilting his head. "Why do you keep saying 'them'? It was only Azimio who did this, Finn. Only him."
Finn inhaled deeply. "I know. You keep saying so. But every single asshole that's ever pushed you, called you names - I blame them all so damn hard, Kurt. I'm so Goddamned angry at all of them, and Karofsky -"
Kurt tensed noticeably. Finn could not let that go. "See - even saying his name. I know you said he didn't do anything, and that he even stopped Azimio from . . . but it's Karofsky. He was doing crap to you like . . . it's just, are you sure?"
It probably wasn't the best time or way to phrase the question, but Finn had to know.
Kurt adjusted his blanket as he answered, lifting a leg onto the bed so he could face Finn directly. "Karofsky showed up a few minutes after Ida did, and he was clearly shocked by what was happening, and I remember him yelling at Azimio. I passed out before he left, but Ida was there and she called an ambulance with a phone he handed to her. So . . ." Kurt dropped his eyes. "This time, it wasn't him. He had nothing to do with it."
For whatever reason, that didn't make a dent in Finn's anger against the other boy. Watching Kurt fall to pieces last night, cry and ream them out for not noticing before, for not stopping all the abuse before it got to this point, it all stoked the rage in Finn; he had clung to that wrath as a lifeline, and it wanted nothing more than to pound Karofsky into the dirt. It was like a light came on and Finn saw everything that the asshole had ever done - all the stuff Finn had filed under 'normal' - and then he saw Kurt, spunky, witty, ultra-gay-in-the-cool-way Kurt, crumpled against lockers, flinching at every loud sound, wincing and not able to carry his bag on bruised shoulders.
"He's been way more into hurting you, is all," Finn said tiredly, frustration lining his tone. "He's been the biggest asshole at school, and I guess a part of me wanted him to be in on this because then we could totally put his ass behind bars." Ida's mother had been right. "It's sick how he's so obsessed with keeping you down, Kurt."
There was a flinch. It was slight, hidden amongst the trembling, but Finn was getting really good at noticing these small things. He scooted in a little, eying Kurt closely. "Is there something else? Um, something more you wanna talk about?"
Kurt looked him straight in the eyes, shrugging. "Not really. The nightmares, they . . ." He wrapped himself up further in the blanket, to the point where it looked like he was in a cocoon. "After Ida comes to visit, they tend to be . . . more vivid. It's not her fault, but it's like she triggers it."
Finn nodded. "That makes sense. You met her during all that. She saved your life, but she also reminds you of it too. It kinda sucks, but do you want me to tell her to stay away for a while?"
"No, no, it's fine," Kurt said in a rush. "I'm just thinking out loud. The dreams are the worst, but sending Ida away isn't something I want to do - not to her. I'm willing to give it time."
"What about . . ." Finn didn't quite know how to ask this, understanding how resistant Kurt was to the idea. "What about that therapy thing, your dad was asking you about?"
The other boy tensed noticeably. "I'm not interested."
"I know you aren't, but c'mon, Kurt - people go to see therapists when, like, their hamster dies or when they lose their jobs, and this is way more . . ." Finn didn't want to use the word traumatic, partially because he wasn't entirely sure it was the correct term, but mostly because he didn't want it to apply to Kurt. But he did want Kurt to get any and all help he needed, so he pushed, remembering Mrs. Callaghan's words: "Don't be afraid. You're his friend - if he tells you to stop, or that he can't talk, you listen to him. But if he doesn't . . . trust your instincts."
"I think you should at least try it," Finn said, keeping his tone casual. "It'd be worth it if only to get you sleeping better, and hey, it'll make your dad happy. Or at least, he won't be as crazy worried as he is now, if he thinks you're getting help."
That was a little manipulative, he knew, but he knew enough about Kurt to know that his dad was his one weak spot, and that he hated being seen as vulnerable, which is all they saw him as nowadays. Finn wanted the old Kurt back - the sassy, unafraid, sometimes sort of mean, diva.
Kurt seemed to be thinking about it, and that satisfied Finn. "Whatever you want to do, man, it's fine. Do you think you're okay to get back to sleep now?"
The other boy nodded, a hand poking out from his nest of blankets, followed by the other, as he braced himself on the bed, standing up slowly. Finn settled down on his pile of pillows, but he wasn't ready to let Kurt go just yet. "If you have another nightmare, come on back up, dude. We can stay up watching a movie. I think there's a Bond marathon on all night. We can do that now if -"
Kurt was shaking his head, but his smile was sweet and real. "No thanks. Do you have any idea what a late night watching TV does for the bags under your eyes?"
Finn shrugged. "Okay, but don't you have, like, make-up or something to cover that up?"
Kurt gave him an exasperated look. "I don't wear make-up, Finn. At most, and only when absolutely necessary, I wear cover-up."
Finn failed to see the difference, but he nodded as if he understood. "Okay, well, whatever - point being, I'm here if you need me."
That small smile was back. "And I appreciate it. So, you go back to sleep, and, um, if you could just not mention this to my dad? He already knows that I still have nightmares, but he doesn't need to be informed every single time I have one."
Kurt ran his tongue along dry lips, his expression pleading, and Finn was already nodding. "No problem, Kurt."
He waited until the lights were off, and Kurt was long gone before he closed his eyes and let himself drift back to sleep.
He woke up abruptly, darkness still looming, an unknown amount of time later. Finn lunged into a sitting position, his skin tingling as his hair stood on end - he'd dreamed . . . something, though he didn't know what. He wasn't having nightmares, but his brain was definitely having a tough time figuring all this stuff out. This wasn't the first time he'd randomly woken up in the middle of the night.
He was turning on his side when he froze, hearing a soft noise, some rustling of . . . blankets? Pillows?
Squinting in the darkness, Finn could make out a lump on the love seat off to this right, a shape that hadn't been there before. He sat up again, slowly, silently, narrowing his eyes further. Another sleepy noise, familiar, and Finn's eyes finally recognized Kurt, huddled under four or five blankets, curled up - too long for the smaller couch, but he seemed relatively peaceful. He watched as Kurt turned over, mumbling a little, but then quieted, a hand falling to brush against the floor. Finn kept watching him for a few more minutes, and once he was sure that he wasn't having another nightmare, he lay down on his side. At the last second, before sleep could take him again, he grabbed his cell-phone off the couch-side table. He set the alarm for six - Burt was usually up by six thirty, even on Saturdays when the garage didn't open until ten or when he didn't have to go to work at all. If Finn woke up first, he could get Kurt downstairs, and no one would know about the nightmares from tonight.
Burt would probably find out anyways - he was paying crazy amounts of attention to every little thing Kurt did, but Finn knew Kurt would feel better if the other boy felt he wasn't worrying Burt anymore than he already was. Finn could lend a hand with that, as long as Kurt wasn't hiding anything too serious. He figured he could be the almost-stepbrother he already saw himself as by listening to Kurt, by soothing nightmares and trying to get him to see a therapist or something - by making him feel safe. It was the least he could do since he'd been such utter fail at helping him as friend, when it had really mattered.
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Next: Chapter 9, Part 2
(Previous: Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3, Chapter 4, Chapter 5, Chapter 6, Chapter 7, Chapter 8)
OOOOOOOOOOOOO
Chapter 9: Sit and Listen
OOOOOOOOOOOOO
"Thanks," Kurt said in a smooth, low tone. He hardly ever spoke much louder than that these days, and Finn didn't like it. It was weird, not at all what he was used to, and he didn't want to get used to this.
He smiled at him anyways. "No problem."
He handed Kurt the mug of hot tea, and then sat back down on the couch and played the movie. They had been alternating between movies that Kurt enjoyed and movies that Finn liked, which had been working out pretty well. Right now they were watching Chicago and Finn was actually having fun with it. During some of the boring parts (of which there were surprisingly few) he easily pictured Rachel in Catherine Zeta-Jones role (and outfits). His girlfriend could totally rock that.
He pointed out as much to Kurt, who rolled his eyes and said, "Rachel playing a conniving, manipulative diva with a raging ego? What a leap."
Finn tossed a pillow at him. "Hey, that's my girl you're talkin' about!"
Kurt reached a hand out from the pile of blankets he seemed to be always buried underneath, catching the pillow one handed, and throwing it back. "Tell me what part of that sentence wasn't accurate, and I'll apologize." He almost had a smirk on his face, and even though he was being mean about Rachel, it was all so close to normal Finn couldn't help but be a little happy about it.
But he really should defend his girlfriend now. Finn opened his mouth and then paused. "Well, she might kinda be all those things - but she's not like, completely self-centred, and she's an awesome friend. She totally has my back - and yours, too, Kurt."
Kurt's almost-smirk faded into a small smile. "Yeah, I know."
Finn jerked in his seat, suddenly remembering his latest message from the small diva. "Rachel said she's coming by tomorrow. She wanted to talk with you alone. And she's says she's sorry, again. For, you know, not hanging around as much as we've all been."
Kurt nodded. "That's cool, I guess. I wonder why no one else has barged in our solitude yet."
Finn smiled sheepishly. "Well, that was me, actually. I figured after what happened yesterday, you wouldn't want people just . . . hovering around. So, uh, I told everyone to back off for a day or two. They mentioned maybe popping in on Sunday. But, uh, if I -"
"No, no." There was a warmth and gratitude in Kurt's expression that Finn hadn't seen directed at him since before a certain encounter in Kurt's basement, months ago. "Thanks, Finn - that's perfect."
Finn relaxed back into the couch cushions, beneath a thin blanket of his own (that wasn't long enough, but nothing ever was), and went back to watching the movie.
After the craziness that was last night, he and his mom had gone home really late and come over really early today (like they had been doing pretty much every day). Burt had been up, looking like he hadn't slept at all, and Finn couldn't blame him. He didn't know what had happened after they had left the basement, but he guessed Kurt had probably talked to his father more about some of the stuff Finn had overheard (unintentionally) from his conversation with the cops a few days back. That was the stuff of nightmares for anyone - he couldn't even imagine what was going through Burt's head while hearing those things about his son.
Earlier this morning, Finn had given his mom and Burt some alone time while he went to check on Kurt in the basement. He hadn't been surprised at all to see Mercedes slowly making her way out of Kurt's bed, trying not to wake him. She'd given Finn a weak smile, and he smiled back before heading upstairs again, letting her get ready for school in private. It was strange, but at the same time sort of not, him being suspended; it felt necessary. He didn't think he could handle being back in that school yet, not after the rage he'd felt just looking at Karofsky's face. That bastard was suspended too, but there were his buddies and a few of the douchebags from the football team still present at the school, and Finn wasn't too sure he'd be able to keep from punching someone, anyone out.
Plus, it meant he got to watch over Kurt.
While Finn's mom and Burt were hanging out with Kurt in the basement, Mercedes gave Finn something like her blessing to watch over Kurt, and that was fine with Finn. It was new, this strong, irresistible urge to take care of Kurt - but Finn wasn't going to fight it. He wanted to keep as much badness away from the other boy as he could.
That was why, when his mother took him aside after Burt left to drop Mercedes off at school, he had no trouble accepting her news.
Finn didn't know why it surprised him, but it did, and he couldn't help widening his eyes. "We're moving back in?"
His mom bit her lip. "I know it feels probably about as sudden as the last time. And if you have strong objections to it, we won't do it, Finn, but will you hear me out?"
Finn nodded - he'd listen, but he already knew his answer.
"After Burt's heart attack, I asked him if he would consider letting me stay with him - I don't need to tell you how worried I was. And not just for him. For Kurt to be taking most of the responsibility for his father's care - I didn't want that for him. But Burt said that he didn't want me to move in to play nurse, and he wanted to wait for a little while longer to have this discussion. Now . . . he talked it over with Kurt first, and he just asked me if we could come back. The plan is to buy a house together, real soon, but for now we'll all be here. If you feel uncomfortable about staying with Kurt, Burt says he's been meaning to buy a fold-out couch anyways, and he'll do it this weekend -"
"Mom, it's fine. I'm totally cool with it."
And he was, he wasn't lying - not even to himself. The idea of being closer to Kurt was a relief (he shot a glance towards the boy on the couch, reassuring himself that Kurt was still there and still okay). He wouldn't even mind rooming with Kurt, but he felt like maybe he should hold off on that for a bit, and let the other boy have his room to himself.
The phone ringing made them both jump, and Finn watched as Kurt had to actually calm himself down by closing his eyes and taking deep breaths.
Finn grabbed the cordless that had basically taken up residence in the living room. "Hello?"
"Hey, buddy, just calling to see how you two were doing."
Finn shot Kurt a small smile. "We're pretty cool, Burt - working on movie number four."
"Wow, you're really ploughing through them, aren't ya? Is Kurt still awake?"
"Yeah, you want to talk to him again?"
"Nah, just let him stay nice and cosy under his blankets. I'll see you guys when I get back - in a couple of hours, after we buy that new couch."
Finn hung up. That had been Burt's second call of the day. His mom had called once, around lunchtime, to make sure Finn wasn't doing anything fancy or crazy in the kitchen that would involve the fire department being called in (again). But no, Finn had stuck to his favourite cooking tool - the microwave. That and leftovers equalled a recipe for success.
By the end of Chicago, Kurt was dozing, and Finn was fielding texts from all the gleeks. There was one from Ida, asking if he wanted her to drop off the contents of Kurt's locker. Finn blinked for a second, then he remembered that the original plan for that day involved everyone coming over later (after detention), and Mercedes had mentioned she was going deal with Kurt's locker. She said Ida would be over first since the shy girl had volunteered to deliver Kurt's things.
However, he had promised Kurt a friends-free day, and even though Ida was pretty quiet and stuff, he wouldn't feel right making an exception. He texted her and asked if she wouldn't mind coming tomorrow. He received a response almost instantly. Not a problem: tell Kurt whenever he's ready is all right with me :) He wondered if Mercedes had told Ida about the epic breakdown.
Kurt muttered something in his sleep and Finn shot him a quick look. He knew from their short time as roomies that Kurt wasn't much of a sleep-talker. The other boy's face contorted for minute, as if he was in pain; Finn was untangling himself from his blanket and standing over Kurt before he knew it. But he had no idea what to do as Kurt started whimpering. He reached out a hand in fits and stops, before kind of patting Kurt on the head, as gently as possible. The noises decreased slightly, which encouraged him, so he whispered, "It's cool, Kurt - you're home. You're safe. You're safe."
Kurt quieted, curling in on himself and pulling his own blankets up to his chin. He looked unbearably young, but the dark rings under his eyes, the frown lines (neither of which Finn was ever going to mention out loud), made him look older too. It was messing with Finn's head, and he wished suddenly that his mom, or Burt, were home, or even Mercedes - she was awesome, and she was Kurt's best friend. She always knew what to say and how to talk him down.
His phone buzzed as it received another text, this one from Puck: Dude, I need to talk with you - it's about Karofsky. Just seeing that name had red edging in on Finn's vision. He turned off the TV and DVD player, heading towards his mom and Burt's room, just down the hall, so he could hear it when Kurt got up. He speed-dialled Puck's number, and the first ring was cut off almost immediately. "Hey man, how's my boy Kurt doin'?"
It had taken Finn a while to get used to Puck referring to Kurt as 'his boy', considering that the last time he said more than two words to Kurt, it was to send him to spy on the Dalton Academy 'Garglers'. Now it seemed, at least to Finn, that Puck was feeling either protective or guilty, or maybe even both.
Artie and Mike had told Finn about Puck; that he was prowling the hallways of McKinley, looking for any jock wielding a slushie or looming over any geek of any kind - even Jewfro. It had been a long time since Puck had bullied anyone (except for Jewfro, but the annoying jerk usually had it coming), and even longer since he'd done anything to Kurt. The way Finn saw it, Puck was trying to make up for everything now, to be as different from the jocks that harassed Kurt as he could possibly be. Finn was cool with that. In fact, it made him think that he and Puck could become close friends again - maybe.
"Yo, Finn, don't space out on me - how's Kurt?"
Finn felt his lips quirk into a smile. "He's okay. He's sleeping right now. Whatever Burt and Mercedes did last night . . . it helped. He's a lot calmer."
"Cool. Now, listen up. I was listening in on a few of the punks that didn't get expelled, and they were saying that Karofsky was totally in on it. They're sayin' it was his idea."
Finn blinked, staring blankly at the wall. "But Kurt . . . and the police haven't . . . everyone says it was all Azimio. I think it's bull, Puck. Everyone pretends to know stuff when something this big happens."
"Yeah, well, you tell me - who's really been gunning for Kurt lately, huh? It wasn't Azimio. Maybe it was all Karofsky's plan, and Azimio just went ahead and did it for him?"
Finn considered that for a moment. It was possible. But then, why wasn't Kurt saying anything? Maybe he didn't know? Ida had said that Karofsky had been there, that he'd stopped Azimio - but how had he known to come in the first place? Since no one was arresting him, Finn had been assuming that the asshole really hadn't had anything to do with this, but, then again, Karofsky was just such a bastard.
"Look, just don't get into too much trouble, okay? Lay low, and we'll figure things out. The most important thing right now is to get Kurt better, and keep him safe."
"I get what you're saying. You take care of things over there, I'll keep my eyes and ears open."
Finn hung up, staring at his phone for a minute. He realized that all of those questions he had, that had been bothering him since he calmed own enough to think straight after the riot at school, could be answered by the boy passed out on the couch. The thing was that he really didn't know how to ask, and he really, really didn't want to either. The snippets he'd heard when Kurt had been giving his statement, they still made his skin crawl, prickling with goosebumps. Sometimes, when he couldn't help but try and imagine what it was like for Kurt to go through all of that, his stomach would start twisting, and his fists would be clenching.
It sounded stupid, even to him, but he needed to know if all this raw, burning rage was being directed at the right people. Azimio for sure was the right target, but as much as he hated Azimio and knew he was to blame for this, he couldn't let go of Karofsky. If the bastard were standing in front of him right at that moment, he'd take him apart, no question. His fingers flexed as he thought about it - itching for vengeance on his almost-stepbrother's behalf, and maybe for Ida since she saved Kurt and had been hurt too.
Wait. He didn't have to ask Kurt, not right away. He could ask Ida first. His phone was dialling and up to his ear within the same second he had that thought, Ida's soft voice answering with a raspy, "Hello?"
Suddenly, Finn had no clue what to say. He didn't know this girl, not really, and maybe this was too much, too intense to ask about over the phone?
"Hey, uh, if it's all right, would you mind bring Kurt's stuff over today? I know I said not to, but, I'm pretty sure there's some scarves or something that he's missing and -"
Ida chuckled. "Okay, hang on." Her voice took on a distant quality as she likely held the phone away from her ear. "Mom? Would you mind if we swung by Kurt's after all?"
Finn could hear her mom say, 'Sure' or something like it, and then Ida was back. "Okay, we'll be there in ten minutes."
Finn thanked her and pushed the 'end call' button, wandering back out into the living room. Kurt was fast asleep, and he didn't want to wake him, but he also didn't want him waking up alone, maybe panicking. He made sure the cordless was within reach (another weird adjustment was seeing Kurt without his phone; Finn didn't know where he'd put it, and he was pretty sure Kurt hadn't turned it on for days - that's why Finn had suddenly become the secretary). Even though it felt a little stupid, he left a note saying he was just on the porch, talking with Ida, and Kurt could totally stay inside and sleep if he wanted to.
After adjusting the blankets and refilling Kurt's glass of water, Finn went to grab his coat and shoes. He shoved his cell phone into his pocket and tiptoed out of the house, settling himself comfortably on the front porch. He ended up shedding the coat though - it was pretty warm today, warmer than a fall day should be.
When Ida pulled up, Finn bounced down the stairs, ready to help her with her crutches.
"Hey - when are you getting rid of these?" he asked as he fished them out of the backseat for her.
"Another couple of days and we're through," she said with relief, taking them from him. "Thank you."
The car door slammed on the driver's side, and Finn glanced over the roof to smile at Ida's mother. "Hi Mrs. Callaghan." For the few minutes Finn had talked to her at the hospital last week, she'd seemed super nice, and the way she had taken Burt's hand and promised to help him ream the school board out for what happened? That was awesome.
"Hello, Finn," she said with an answering smile.
"Sorry for, uh, this," Finn spoke as he helped Ida up the steps. "I guess I just figured it's better to um, have his stuff. In case he wants it. And, he's sleeping right now, so if it's cool -"
"Finn, it's fine." Mrs. Callaghan grabbed a bag, which clearly had Kurt's things. "We'll sit out here - it's an Indian summer day, and I'd like to enjoy it while it lasts."
Ida was sitting comfortably on the porch chair while Finn sat next to her and her mom leaned against the porch rail. He abruptly knew how awkward this conversation would be in front of Ida's mom. Maybe I should just forget it - it had been such a stupid, impulsive decision to call her in the first place.
"How're you doing, Finn?" Ida's mom asked.
Finn replied without thinking, "Kurt's a bit better but - oh, sorry. I'm . . . okay."
Ida let loose another quiet chuckle, and Mrs. Callaghan shook her head. "Ida's been filling my ears with Kurt all week and it's good to know that he's doing well. I'm just worried about the rest of you, too."
Finn looked into her kind eyes - he knew very little about Ida, and even less about her mom, but they were starting to turn up more and more often. Her mom had been exchanging many phone calls with Burt lately, which had him thinking she might be popping by as whatever they were doing to the school board kept going.
Finn relaxed, and tried to come up with the right words - he just had to know. He chewed on the inside of his cheek, keeping quiet before sucking it up and just saying whatever came into his head.
"Look, if you don't want to answer me on this, it's fine, I don't want to ask Kurt, 'cause, uh, well, it's hard to ask him anything - but I get that this is totally hard on you too."
Ida blinked but said nothing, and her mom braced her hands on the rail behind her, crossing her legs at the ankle. "Finn, slow down. What is it you're getting at here?"
He took in a deep breath. "It's about Karofsky." Ida's face fell and Finn instantly felt guilty. "Sorry, sorry -"
"No, no, go ahead. I'd rather you ask me than Kurt, I guess."
"Ida -"
"It's fine, mom."
Feeling positively awful now, Finn forged on ahead. "You, uh, you said that Karofsky was there, but I wanted to know if he -"
"He didn't hurt Kurt, or me, I swear. I would've said something. Why do you think he wasn't arrested?"
Finn sighed. "Yeah, I figured. But Karofsky, you haven't really seen -"
"I've been here long enough to have seen plenty," Ida interrupted, looking surprised at her own words. "Sorry, I didn't mean to . . . I watched him in the hallways. Him and Azimio. And no one ever . . ." She didn't finish, staring down at her lap. Finn had to look away.
"Where were you? Why couldn't you see how bad it was hurting?"
He didn't think he would ever forget a word of what Kurt said last night.
A hand ghosted lightning quick over his arm. "Mercedes told me that if it would have been anyone, it would've been Karofsky. But Finn, he stopped Azimio, he . . ." She trailed off, glancing at her mother. "It was weird - there was something strange about it. He and Kurt . . . I think you need to ask him at some point," she ended miserably. "Guess I'm not much help after all."
Finn was quick to grab her hand. "Never say that, okay? What you did? Man, that was just beyond awesome."
Ida tried to smile, but she didn't quite manage it. Finn squeezed her fingers and then let go, attempting to get his own thoughts in order. He slumped as he considered the fact that maybe Karofsky really hadn't had anything to do with it. "I still want to kill the bastard more than anything. I don't get why though - shouldn't I want Azimio dead?"
"Maybe it's because you know Azimio is going to get his just desserts?" Mrs. Callaghan offered, crossing her arms. "Personally, I wouldn't mind accidentally backing over the jackass with my car for what he did to my girl. But he's been caught, and I've been calling the D.A. - Burt and I both have been, actually - they're going to seek permission to try him as an adult, considering the fact that it was so clearly a hate crime against Kurt, and a serious assault on top of that. When it comes to this Karofsky kid -"
"He was just as bad, if not worse. And he's Azimio's best friend, how could he not -" Finn cut himself off with a frustrated noise. "It's not fair. Kurt, he's not coming back to school, and that bastard, once his suspension is up, is."
"You know that Kurt could tell you better than Ida what this boy had to do with all this," Mrs. Callaghan pointed out gently.
Finn looked up at the woman, rubbing his damp palms against his sweatpants-clad thighs. "Kurt, he's . . . um . . ."
"Ida told me about last night - second hand news from Mercedes." She moved to sit down in a chair directly across from Finn and Ida. Leaning in close to them she caught Finn's eyes and held his gaze. "But I don't think you're going to break him by asking. A large part of Kurt's breakdown might've been due to the fact that you're all talking around the issues, or talking about him when he's not there to clarify anything for you. Maybe the topics you're afraid to broach are what he needs to be discussing. Don't be afraid. You're his friend - if he tells you to stop, or that he can't talk, you listen to him. But if he doesn't . . . trust your instincts."
Ida cleared her throat. "Listen Finn, I saw some of what Azimio was doing and," her voice cracked there, but she kept going, "if I hadn't been talking about with my mom this past while . . . Mercedes has been e-mailing me, and that's helped a lot too. I know that Kurt's different, that he's stubborn and strong in ways that I'm not, and he may not need you all breathing down his neck. But I don't think that means he wants you guys to leave him alone entirely. After all, isn't that what he's been doing all this time - going it alone?"
"You're all suddenly here every day, talking with me like you've known me all your life, like you really care, but why couldn't you have cared earlier! Why couldn't you have stopped this before Azimio did this to me!"
Finn winced. "Yeah . . . I really wish I knew exactly what I was doing, you know?"
Ida's mom chuckled. "Oh Finn, trust me when I tell you that you'll be thinking that for all of your life, in any given situation."
Finn felt a lot of his discomfort and concern ease in the wake of that light laughter. He and Ida grinned at each other and it was a great moment for Kurt to walk out onto the porch, wrapped in his dark blue robe, looking a little lost, but with a smile in reply to all of their own.
"Hey Kurt." Ida gave a little wave. "You look positively smashing, I have to say."
Kurt spared a look for his clothes, tugging his robe closer to his body. "Yes, definitely a trend-setter in this outfit - the cover of 'Slovenly Monthly' is mine."
Finn had to smile even wider at that, and Ida giggled, glancing at her mother with a tilt of the head towards Kurt. Mrs. Callaghan stretched out a hand. "We didn't get a chance to meet at the hospital, Kurt. I'm Ida's mom, Mona Callaghan."
"I realize. You have the same lovely complexion." Kurt shook her hand, his own skin stark against her more peach-like tone. "Ida told me she had no concept of moisturizing or facial cleanses - and look, not a single blemish, sun spot, anything. I see now it's a genetic trait. I'm insanely jealous."
Mrs. Callaghan burst out laughing, and she was even blushing a little. "Oh, Kurt, your father and Ida both told me about you, but let me tell you - the stories don't live up to the reality."
Kurt shrugged. "Tales of my general 'divatude' are greatly . . . understated."
Finn snorted at this, and Ida looked like she holding back another round of giggles. He shot her a side-glance; Finn hadn't quite figured out Ida yet.
His first impression had been of someone small and shy, and he'd thought she had a crush on Kurt. After getting to her know for a couple of days, she seemed more than okay with Kurt's sexuality, so the only thing he could think of now was that she might have a case of hero worship. Kurt was cool and all, but with all the slushies that had been thrown in his face over the years, and the dumpsters tosses (every single one of those memories made him feel sick to his stomach), he didn't think anyone else would ever see Kurt as cool because of all that. But Ida did. And did it make him a jerk if he didn't quite see how she saw Kurt?
Finn saw Kurt as awesome and different - but now (and he hated himself for it) the label 'victim' was all too easy to slap on over all that. He was trying hard to not see it that way, but Kurt was standing before him in a robe, all quiet and a pale imitation of his old self.
"We brought everything from your locker," Ida was explaining. "It's all here. I was kind of tempted to steal that dark purple sweater, the one with the sequins on the -"
"It's yours, if you truly want it," Kurt interrupted, smiling that little half-smile that Finn hated - it was like Kurt had given up, or something and it just didn't suit him at all. "With your skin and hair? It'll look far better on you than me."
"Kurt . . ." Ida's jaw dropped for a moment. It seemed to take her some time to find her voice after that. "Kurt, I was just kidding, you don't have to -"
"Listen, girl-who-saved-my-life - I think your title speaks for itself, doesn't it?" And the smile grew there. "Ida, a lot of that stuff is last season, or back-up in case of slushie or dumpster. I won't need it anymore. Honestly, wear it proudly. Without me at McKinley, there will likely be a dramatic decrease in style and flair. Carry on my tradition."
It was funny . . . and it wasn't. Finn sighed, feeling his lips tug downwards; Ida didn't even try for a smile and her mother reached out to put a hand on Kurt's shoulder. He watched as Kurt frowned, glancing at all their faces, and Finn could see Kurt not quite understanding their reactions. He suddenly found himself not wanting his suspension to end - because going back to McKinley, without Kurt, with everything that had happened, was going to suck.
Kurt seemed to shake off his confusion after a few seconds. "Right. I'm going to head back inside. Mrs. Callaghan, Ida, do either of you want something to drink?"
"No, Kurt, sweetheart, you go on in and rest. We're the ones interrupting you here," Mrs. Callaghan was quick to respond.
Ida nodded. "Yeah, Kurt and um, thank you for the sweater."
Kurt was now looking distinctly embarrassed, and it was Finn's turn not to understand why. He puzzled over it as Kurt waved good-bye to them, waiting for the car to pull out before turning and disappearing back into the house without even looking once towards Finn. He blinked and followed after a lengthy pause.
Kurt sat on the couch, wrapped in blankets again. He shot Finn a side look before laying down once more, facing the back of the couch and shutting his eyes.
Finn stood at a distance, shuffling his weight between his feet, watching as Kurt's breathing slowed into a deep and regular rhythm again.
His phone buzzed, and he glanced down to see a text from Tina asking if they were all still welcome on Sunday. Finn sent back a message saying he was pretty sure it was cool, but he'd ask Burt and Kurt later tonight and let them know. Two seconds after that it was a text from Blaine: Hey, Mercedes gave me your number, I hope that's okay. Just wanted to check in and find out how Kurt was doing. Let him know that I'm thinking of him. Would it be all right if I came by tomorrow or Sunday?
Finn smiled. He liked Blaine. It was kind of interesting to watch Blaine interact with his almost-brother - the preppy boy acted all cool and friendly sometimes, warm and compassionate more often, all with a careful sort of a distance, but Finn was pretty familiar with looks of longing by now. Finn's near-constant observing of all things related to Kurt, coupled with his own long days of pining for Rachel, made it pretty easy to guess that Blaine was entering crush-zone. It was awesome, because Kurt totally deserved to have someone as nice and cool as Blaine liking him, even if Kurt didn't like Blaine back (well, he liked him, obviously, but if he like-liked him, Finn couldn't tell).
He texted back, Sunday. I gotta ask Burt, but everyone might be coming over, so you should too. Let you know soon.
After that, he went into the kitchen, dialling for pizza, using the money Burt had left behind by the phone. Burt had also written down the only combination of cheeses and toppings that Kurt would eat, which Finn read off to the operator on the other end, followed by a second pizza - Meat Lovers. He headed back into the living room, settling into his previous position, and flicking the TV back on, quick with the mute button so Kurt wouldn't be disturbed.
He channel-surfed for a time, stopping on a few sports channels, taking in the scores for everything from baseball to squash (which utterly confused him, because: vegetable? A sport named after a vegetable? What was up with that?). He landed on the news, reading the captions provided, only vaguely interested in Mrs. Sullivan's twentieth grandchild having been born, but then it switched over to the headline story - and that was McKinley in the background.
Finn sat up, staring hard, tempted to unmute it, but he definitely did not want Kurt to wake up to this. He read the closed captioning, his stomach swooping lowly.
While Principal Figgins has continued to be mum on the subject of the alleged assault that took place only a week ago, changes to school policy are already being discussed board-wide. Both the victim and the accused are minors, and thus cannot be named, but we have received reports from several credible sources that the alleged assaulter may be tried as an adult, and that the student attacked will no longer be attending William McKinley High School. Back to you, Rod.
"Goddamnit!" someone hissed, causing Finn to jump.
It was his mom, standing right behind him, scowling at the TV as if it was her number one enemy in the entire world. Finn parted his lips to ask what the hell was going on when Kurt made a soft noise, eyes blinking open. Faster than Finn thought he could move, he went up one channel and then shut off the TV. By this point Kurt was sitting up, rubbing at his eyes, and then glancing up at them both.
"Hi. So, was the shopping trip successful? Because this couch has had far too many people sleeping on it lately - its comfort levels have dropped significantly."
Finn hung back as Kurt chatted with their parents about the shopping trip, trying to catch his mother's eye. She glanced over at him once, shook her head slightly, and jumped right back into the conversation.
Much later, he and Burt had struggled with putting the old couch out on the curb, and bringing in the new one (which looked infinitely more comfortable - good news for Finn). Burt agreed that it was fine for their friends to come over on Sunday, so Finn sent out a mass text confirming that for everyone. Soon after, Kurt was down in the basement, apparently fast asleep, though Burt went downstairs to check for himself. It was something he did quite often, the 'just checking' thing. Finn didn't blame him. When it was just him and Kurt, he didn't like being too far from him either - like somehow, something else, something more could happen if he wasn't close by.
"Mom?" Finn sat at the kitchen table, watching her put the last few plates in the dishwasher. "Mom, what was with the news story?"
She slammed the dishwasher shut hard, turning dials and flicking it on before facing him. She looked tired, both she and Burt did, all the time.
"It's nothing that you should be too concerned over. They can't mention names because both Kurt and that . . . boy are under-aged. I've been doing everything I can to make sure they understand that there's a lawsuit waiting for them if there's anything said that shouldn't be. But . . ." She bit her lip, wringing her hands a little. She came over, sitting down next to him, turning the chair to face him. "Finn, this is starting to get a lot of attention - people talk, you know that. But I'm doing my damndest - Burt's getting busy talking with lawyers about dealing with the school board, and keeping an eye on that boy's trial, so I've been taking over everything else and making sure the reporters and news people don't get too out of hand. You've been pretty much cooped up here in the house, but if anyone you don't know tries to call and ask questions, or if anyone comes to do the door, you let me know, okay?"
Finn felt a bit overwhelmed by this - reporters and news' crews asking about Kurt? About Azimio? Then again, when he really thought about it, how could they not know who it was? Lima wasn't tiny, but it definitely wasn't big either. Kurt stood out, and now that he wasn't in school, even the kids that hadn't been there that day had to know about it, and their parents had to know about it. How long could this stay under wraps?
"Finn, even if some of them figure out that it was Kurt that was, they still can't say anything, because Kurt's under-aged, all right? And soon this will all blow over. Unfortunately, tragedies like these can be a dime a dozen," she said with a bitter smile coupled with a hand resting on his thigh.
Finn hated that she was right, that what happened to Kurt wouldn't be big news after a few weeks, because who cared about another kid being beaten up for being different? Didn't that happen just about every day, sometimes with no one finding out about it? His hands clenched into fists on his lap, the overpowering urge to hit someone - Karofsky - surging up in him again, but he swallowed hard and breathed deeply, trying to calm himself. He managed a nod and half smile for his mom; she brushed a kiss against his temple before standing up and heading towards her bedroom.
They had already unfolded the bed from the couch, and put sheets and blankets on it for him. Finn stood contemplating it for a moment before collapsing face first onto it. It creaked a little as he found a good position, but yes, this was pretty freaking comfy.
He was half-asleep, dozing, when he heard a small clattering in the kitchen. He jumped up, tangled in his blankets, nearly falling to the floor. The light in the kitchen came on, just bright enough to cast a soft glow on him.
"Finn?"
"Kurt?" Finn shoved the blankets off, squinting towards the bright kitchen to see the other boy standing there, holding a glass of milk in his hands. Kurt was shaking a little, and there was redness to his eyes. Despite the drowsiness weighing down his limbs and mind, Finn managed to put the clues together, his voice soft as he asked, "Nightmare?"
Kurt didn't respond, but Finn didn't need him to - he was sure that was what was going on. He sat up, patting the bed next to him. Kurt stood unmoving for a while before taking slow steps and sitting gingerly on the edge of the mattress. Finn said nothing as Kurt finished off his milk, putting the glass on the couch-side table. He sat there, hands folded in his lap, though Finn could pick out the fine trembling in his fingers.
The silence stretched for untold minutes but Finn was okay with it. He wanted Kurt to be the one to say something first, and his wish was granted when he explained, very quietly, "You know I get them every time I close my eyes, but tonight it was like I was there again and it took me . . . a while, once I woke up, to remember that I wasn't. In the dark, alone . . . I had to remember that I wasn't dead, he hadn't killed me - I hadn't gone and left my father alone."
Finn couldn't quite make out his facial expression, but that shivering was back. He'd heard Burt talk about the fact that no matter how many blankets or how high the temperature in the house, sometimes Kurt would shiver and get cold, even though the doctors said that the hypothermia had passed. His heart hurting, his eyes closing, Finn had to force down unexpected tears because this was all so wrong. Kurt was like this ghost of himself, and sometimes he was clearer and present, but other times it was like you could look through him because he was barely there; Finn would have to squint to see anything that reminded him of the boy that could flounce out of a room even in a wheelchair, or demand that jocks pound him into paste because 'I'm proud to be different, it's the best thing about me'.
He grabbed an extra blanket that he wasn't using (because the house was a few degrees warmer than usual), and wrapped it gently around Kurt's shoulders. Kurt hardly flinched at the gesture, for which Finn was grateful, but he did tug the blanket in closer around him, the shuddering in his limbs a lot more apparent.
Even though he had no freaking idea what to say, Finn started talking, low and hopefully comforting. "It's going to be a long time before you stop having nightmares about this. It's . . . you're doing great, I think. I mean, you're dealing with it better than anyone we know would, and I'm including myself in that."
"But it wouldn't happen to anyone we know," Kurt disagreed and Finn could see the thin, weak smile that he was growing to hate. "Because no one we know is me - is loud, and so noticeable and gay."
Finn barely resisted the urge to punch Kurt in the shoulder like he would any of his other male friends - like he'd lightly done to Kurt on occasion before this whole mess - to make them stop thinking such stupid things. "Dude, hell yes this could have happened to anyone we know. Those assholes picked on you a hell of a lot, and I'm sorry we didn't stop them, I'm so sorry." Finn could hear the tears warping his voice again, but he swallowed hard and kept going. "But you weren't the only one they were brutal to - the crap they've done to me in the locker room alone, like when they held me down and drew on my face, snapped at me with towels. Look at Mercedes, she's your best friend, and she can be loud and noticeable too, and we know some of these douchebags don't give a crap that she's a girl. You told me how they actually shoved Tina. Rachel is louder than you, and uh, I know she's my girlfriend, but she can be obnoxious and definitely noticeable. And Artie, holy crap, the things they've done to him . . . Anything, or anyone of us could've set them off. It's not on you, dude, what happened - it's on them."
Kurt didn't say anything for another long while. He turned to Finn eventually, tilting his head. "Why do you keep saying 'them'? It was only Azimio who did this, Finn. Only him."
Finn inhaled deeply. "I know. You keep saying so. But every single asshole that's ever pushed you, called you names - I blame them all so damn hard, Kurt. I'm so Goddamned angry at all of them, and Karofsky -"
Kurt tensed noticeably. Finn could not let that go. "See - even saying his name. I know you said he didn't do anything, and that he even stopped Azimio from . . . but it's Karofsky. He was doing crap to you like . . . it's just, are you sure?"
It probably wasn't the best time or way to phrase the question, but Finn had to know.
Kurt adjusted his blanket as he answered, lifting a leg onto the bed so he could face Finn directly. "Karofsky showed up a few minutes after Ida did, and he was clearly shocked by what was happening, and I remember him yelling at Azimio. I passed out before he left, but Ida was there and she called an ambulance with a phone he handed to her. So . . ." Kurt dropped his eyes. "This time, it wasn't him. He had nothing to do with it."
For whatever reason, that didn't make a dent in Finn's anger against the other boy. Watching Kurt fall to pieces last night, cry and ream them out for not noticing before, for not stopping all the abuse before it got to this point, it all stoked the rage in Finn; he had clung to that wrath as a lifeline, and it wanted nothing more than to pound Karofsky into the dirt. It was like a light came on and Finn saw everything that the asshole had ever done - all the stuff Finn had filed under 'normal' - and then he saw Kurt, spunky, witty, ultra-gay-in-the-cool-way Kurt, crumpled against lockers, flinching at every loud sound, wincing and not able to carry his bag on bruised shoulders.
"He's been way more into hurting you, is all," Finn said tiredly, frustration lining his tone. "He's been the biggest asshole at school, and I guess a part of me wanted him to be in on this because then we could totally put his ass behind bars." Ida's mother had been right. "It's sick how he's so obsessed with keeping you down, Kurt."
There was a flinch. It was slight, hidden amongst the trembling, but Finn was getting really good at noticing these small things. He scooted in a little, eying Kurt closely. "Is there something else? Um, something more you wanna talk about?"
Kurt looked him straight in the eyes, shrugging. "Not really. The nightmares, they . . ." He wrapped himself up further in the blanket, to the point where it looked like he was in a cocoon. "After Ida comes to visit, they tend to be . . . more vivid. It's not her fault, but it's like she triggers it."
Finn nodded. "That makes sense. You met her during all that. She saved your life, but she also reminds you of it too. It kinda sucks, but do you want me to tell her to stay away for a while?"
"No, no, it's fine," Kurt said in a rush. "I'm just thinking out loud. The dreams are the worst, but sending Ida away isn't something I want to do - not to her. I'm willing to give it time."
"What about . . ." Finn didn't quite know how to ask this, understanding how resistant Kurt was to the idea. "What about that therapy thing, your dad was asking you about?"
The other boy tensed noticeably. "I'm not interested."
"I know you aren't, but c'mon, Kurt - people go to see therapists when, like, their hamster dies or when they lose their jobs, and this is way more . . ." Finn didn't want to use the word traumatic, partially because he wasn't entirely sure it was the correct term, but mostly because he didn't want it to apply to Kurt. But he did want Kurt to get any and all help he needed, so he pushed, remembering Mrs. Callaghan's words: "Don't be afraid. You're his friend - if he tells you to stop, or that he can't talk, you listen to him. But if he doesn't . . . trust your instincts."
"I think you should at least try it," Finn said, keeping his tone casual. "It'd be worth it if only to get you sleeping better, and hey, it'll make your dad happy. Or at least, he won't be as crazy worried as he is now, if he thinks you're getting help."
That was a little manipulative, he knew, but he knew enough about Kurt to know that his dad was his one weak spot, and that he hated being seen as vulnerable, which is all they saw him as nowadays. Finn wanted the old Kurt back - the sassy, unafraid, sometimes sort of mean, diva.
Kurt seemed to be thinking about it, and that satisfied Finn. "Whatever you want to do, man, it's fine. Do you think you're okay to get back to sleep now?"
The other boy nodded, a hand poking out from his nest of blankets, followed by the other, as he braced himself on the bed, standing up slowly. Finn settled down on his pile of pillows, but he wasn't ready to let Kurt go just yet. "If you have another nightmare, come on back up, dude. We can stay up watching a movie. I think there's a Bond marathon on all night. We can do that now if -"
Kurt was shaking his head, but his smile was sweet and real. "No thanks. Do you have any idea what a late night watching TV does for the bags under your eyes?"
Finn shrugged. "Okay, but don't you have, like, make-up or something to cover that up?"
Kurt gave him an exasperated look. "I don't wear make-up, Finn. At most, and only when absolutely necessary, I wear cover-up."
Finn failed to see the difference, but he nodded as if he understood. "Okay, well, whatever - point being, I'm here if you need me."
That small smile was back. "And I appreciate it. So, you go back to sleep, and, um, if you could just not mention this to my dad? He already knows that I still have nightmares, but he doesn't need to be informed every single time I have one."
Kurt ran his tongue along dry lips, his expression pleading, and Finn was already nodding. "No problem, Kurt."
He waited until the lights were off, and Kurt was long gone before he closed his eyes and let himself drift back to sleep.
He woke up abruptly, darkness still looming, an unknown amount of time later. Finn lunged into a sitting position, his skin tingling as his hair stood on end - he'd dreamed . . . something, though he didn't know what. He wasn't having nightmares, but his brain was definitely having a tough time figuring all this stuff out. This wasn't the first time he'd randomly woken up in the middle of the night.
He was turning on his side when he froze, hearing a soft noise, some rustling of . . . blankets? Pillows?
Squinting in the darkness, Finn could make out a lump on the love seat off to this right, a shape that hadn't been there before. He sat up again, slowly, silently, narrowing his eyes further. Another sleepy noise, familiar, and Finn's eyes finally recognized Kurt, huddled under four or five blankets, curled up - too long for the smaller couch, but he seemed relatively peaceful. He watched as Kurt turned over, mumbling a little, but then quieted, a hand falling to brush against the floor. Finn kept watching him for a few more minutes, and once he was sure that he wasn't having another nightmare, he lay down on his side. At the last second, before sleep could take him again, he grabbed his cell-phone off the couch-side table. He set the alarm for six - Burt was usually up by six thirty, even on Saturdays when the garage didn't open until ten or when he didn't have to go to work at all. If Finn woke up first, he could get Kurt downstairs, and no one would know about the nightmares from tonight.
Burt would probably find out anyways - he was paying crazy amounts of attention to every little thing Kurt did, but Finn knew Kurt would feel better if the other boy felt he wasn't worrying Burt anymore than he already was. Finn could lend a hand with that, as long as Kurt wasn't hiding anything too serious. He figured he could be the almost-stepbrother he already saw himself as by listening to Kurt, by soothing nightmares and trying to get him to see a therapist or something - by making him feel safe. It was the least he could do since he'd been such utter fail at helping him as friend, when it had really mattered.
OOOOOOOOOOOOO
Next: Chapter 9, Part 2