A Swell Party - 5/13 - PG
Title: A Swell Party 5/13
Fandom: Doctor Who/Jeeves and Wooster crossover
Rating: PG
Summary: Following a signal, the trio find themselves in the quaint time of Jeeves and Wooster. Unfortunately, getting their hands on what they're after isn't as easy as they might expect. Eventual 9/Rose/Jack
Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Part 4
“Bertie, why don’t you know more people like that?” Dahlia asked, grabbing Bertie after dinner and gesturing to where Jack was quite easily entertaining the majority of the guests. “I’d quite convinced myself that all your friends were as useless and repulsive as you.”
“Thank you, Aunt Dahlia,” Bertie said.
“The other chap seems pretty on the ball as well,” she commented, ignoring him. “Not the sort of person you normally know. Where’d you pick him up?”
“If you must know,” said Bertie haughtily. “He picked me up.”
“Why’d he do a daft thing like that?” Dahlia snorted. Bertie shot her a look of wounded dignity.
“Now really, Aunt Dahlia - ”
“Oh do shut up, Bertie, I want to go talk to this friend of yours.”
Catching sight of Bingo gazing at him imploringly, Bertie held his arm out for Dahlia to take.
“Let’s be off then,” he declared, propelling her quickly across the room to intercept the Doctor before he could reach Rose. “Halloa! Enjoy dinner?”
“It was very nice,” the Doctor said, watching over Bertie’s shoulder as Bingo moved over to sit beside Rose. “Was there something you wanted?”
“Only to get to know you a bit.” Dahlia abandoned Bertie with an ingratiating smile and took the Doctor’s arm. Bertie inwardly crowed in triumph, and the Doctor looked down at the woman who was suddenly attached to him. “You said you were a Doctor. What in?”
“A bit of everything,” the Doctor answered, somewhat distractedly, as he tried to catch Jack’s eye and express his utter disgust at Rose’s tête-à-tête with Bingo with a meaningfully raised eyebrow.
Jack responded with an equally eloquent expression which managed to portray quite effectively:
‘How in the hell can I go rescue Rose when I’ve got this hippo-sized harpy clinging to me? How about she comes to rescue me for a change?’
The Doctor glanced at Honoria, who was staring at Jack with a look of devotion bordering on scary, and decided that the situation was hopeless.
-----
“How did you meet this Doctor chappy, then?” Bingo asked, sitting so far forward in his seat that Rose was wondering how he hadn’t slipped off it yet.
“It’s a long story,” Rose said evasively. He was staring at her in a sort of goggly way, and it was somewhat off-putting. “We just sort of…tumbled together, really.”
“Oh.” Bingo twiddled his thumbs nervously. “And Jack…?”
“Same.”
“Hm.” He nodded and sat back slightly, tapping out a rhythm on his knees. “Lot of tumbling going on then?”
“Loads,” Rose agreed, and wondered when the Doctor or Jack would rescue her.
-----
“This evening went splendidly, I think,” Bertie commented to Jeeves, as he clambered into bed.
“Indeed, sir?” Jeeves asked politely, tidying up the dresser.
“Yes indeed. Mr Little spent a good hour or so after dinner with Miss Tyler,” he said. “You could tell they were getting along famously - after about fifteen minutes they didn’t even need words to communicate.”
“They sat in silence, sir?”
“Well…yes,” Bertie admitted after a pause. “But it was a meaningful silence, Jeeves. One that suggested confessions of love were silently taking place.”
“Of course, sir.”
Bertie scrunched further down into bed and folded his hands over his stomach, feeling very pleased with himself.
“Aunt Dahlia thinks they’re all splendid, Aunt Agatha’s ignoring me because she’s taken quite a shine to the Doctor, and Honoria’s keeping out of my way because she thinks Captain Harkness is utterly marvellous. All in all, Jeeves, a good turnout for all.”
“Apparently so, sir.” Jeeves straightened the sheets on the bed. “Will that be all, sir?”
“Yes thank you, Jeeves.”
“Very good, sir.”
-----
“Any luck locating this thingy-ma-doo?” Rose asked tiredly, slumped against the TARDIS kitchen table.
“Angela said she’d show me it tomorrow,” the Doctor sighed, scrubbing a hand over his face more from frustration than fatigue.
“Pinch it when she’s not looking, will you?” Jack mumbled, his face hidden in his arms as he sprawled across the table. “The sooner we can get out of here the sooner I can forget Honoria Glossop. Again.”
“Bingo doesn’t talk,” Rose said. “He just sort of…sits. And stares at me. And…y’know, gapes a bit. Like a fish, but with period hair and a bow tie.”
“That’s what you get for picking ‘em for their looks,” the Doctor commented.
“There’s nothing to look at!” Rose protested.
“She’s right, Doc,” Jack agreed, his face still firmly fixed on the table. “Skinny as a freaking lamp-post. If he turned sideways, you’d lose him.”
“We can only hope.”
“It was just nice to have a bloke concerned about me,” she said thoughtfully.
“We were concerned about you!” the Doctor said.
“He offered to escort me around London.”
“I offered to escort you around London!” Jack said, lifting his head up for the first time since they’d settled down in the kitchen for a reviving cup of tea; unfortunately none of them had been quite able to work up the will to move and make it.
“Yeah, but I was annoyed at you.” Rose propped her chin on her hand and smothered a yawn. “He seemed nice.”
“Seeming nice and being nice aren’t exactly the same thing,” the Doctor pointed out. “Adam?”
“Oh Adam…” Rose grumbled, pulling a face.
“Adam?” Jack asked.
“Annoying,” Rose supplied, in the state of tiredness where alliteration is good.
“Arsehole,” the Doctor chipped in.
“Oh. That Adam.” Jack yawned and stretched, letting out a groan of relief as everything popped back into place. Rose and the Doctor realised this was rather more interesting than it perhaps should have been and went back to studying the tabletop.
“Right,” said the Doctor eventually. “Bed.”
“Bed,” Rose agreed, standing.
“All together?” Jack asked with a tired leer.
“Sod off,” the Doctor said cheerfully. “You’d steal the quilt.”
-----
The second half of the communication device had pride of place on the mantelpiece in the back drawing room. Angela beamed as she took it down carefully and showed it to the Doctor.
“Isn’t it lovely?” she asked.
“Oh yes,” the Doctor agreed, not really listening. In reality, it was pretty hideous, gunmetal grey and shaped in some repulsive twisting shape with blobs on. It looked like, the Doctor thought absently, a mutant phallus with acne. Charming. “Is it alright if I take a closer look?” he asked.
“I don’t see why not,” Angela said, and handed it over to him gently. “Careful! It’s very delicate.”
The Doctor suppressed any comment. He knew full well this thing could withstand most things short of a nuclear blast, but there was no need for her to know that. He rolled it over in his hands, suddenly struck by how useless it was to have it here when he couldn’t get his sonic screwdriver out to properly study it.
“I was wondering,” he said after a pause. “If I could buy this off you.”
“Oh no,” Angela said, taking it off him and setting it precisely back on the mantelpiece. “I couldn’t sell it - it was a present from Tuppy. He’d be heartbroken.”
“I’m sure he’d understand,” the Doctor tried.
“No, Doctor. I’m flattered you offered, but that’s my last word on the matter.”
She smiled and left the room. The Doctor eyed the ornament in dislike for a moment, before taking a quick reading with his sonic screwdriver to analyse later. Then he shoved his hands in his pockets and headed out into the grounds, where Jack and Rose had been dragged off to by their respective limpets.
-----
“So…” Jack said slowly, as he and Honoria strolled around the grounds. “How is everyone? It’s been so long since I saw them…”
“Oh everyone’s fine,” Honoria sighed. “Oswald’s put on a couple of inches, Daddy and Mummy are well. They’re all topping. You remember that groundskeeper of ours - Henderson? He disappeared a couple of days before you did. He never turned up.”
“Henderson?” Jack asked idly.
“You must remember him,” Honoria insisted. “Dreadfully tall chap, white hair, always looked frightfully ill. And he had the funniest eyes.”
“Oh yes,” Jack said. “Henderson.”
“Now Jack, you must tell me,” she said, looking up at him. “Where did you disappear to last year? You left so suddenly, and no-one could get in contact with you. We quite thought you’d dropped off the face of the planet!”
I probably had, Jack thought wryly.
“I was busy being an International Man of Mystery,” he told her with a cheeky grin. “If I told you any more than that I’d have to kill you.”
Honoria let out a bark of laughter that sounded like a donkey over a megaphone, and swatted his arm in what she clearly thought was a playful manner. Jack suppressed a wince and knew he’d have a sizeable bruise there the next day.
“Oh Jack, you are funny!” she chuckled. “Fine, if you’re going to be infuriating and not tell me, I shan’t give you the pleasure of having me ask. We’ll just have to carry on from where we left off.”
Her hand tightened slightly on the crook of his arm and a sense of dread filled him as he remembered what Tuppy had said earlier.
“Ah.” Jack reached up and squeezed her hand, giving her an apologetic smile. “I’m afraid, sweetheart, that won’t be possible, much as I’d love to.”
Honoria narrowed her eyes at him. While Jack had a bit of height on her, and possibly a bit of strength, she was still built like a middleweight boxer and she could do him a good deal of harm if she didn’t take this well. Of course, that’d be nothing to what the Doctor was going to do when he found out, because he most certainly wasn’t going to be happy.
“You see,” he continued, his hand reaching into his pocket and closing around something he always kept with him, just in case. “I’m engaged.”
“Engaged?” Honoria echoed dangerously. “To whom?”
-----
Rose smiled and waved to Jack as she and Bingo strolled towards him and Honoria, glad that there was a chance she’d be getting some conversation soon. He grinned back, but there was an expression in his eyes that made her pause. No sooner had she registered a sense of severe foreboding that was becoming familiar in all of her travels with the Doctor, Jack had descended upon them.
“Darling!” he said with somewhat pointed feeling, then kissed her soundly.
She was too stunned to do much more than stand there, and when Jack pulled back and looped her hand through his arm, she was surprised to see a diamond ring glinting around her knuckle. She stared at Jack in disbelief - damn that man had light fingers. How’d he managed to slip that on her without her noticing? Her gaze moved almost frantically around the group looking at them.
Honoria was looking ready to thump someone - probably her; Bingo was gaping at her like his heart had been broken; and over his shoulder, a little way away, the Doctor who had been heading towards them, was treating Jack to a look of such unbridled rage that made even Rose shiver. Jack noticed it at about the same time and tensed beside her.
Well, she thought somewhat unsympathetically, at least he knows he’s made a cock-up.
-----
Fandom: Doctor Who/Jeeves and Wooster crossover
Rating: PG
Summary: Following a signal, the trio find themselves in the quaint time of Jeeves and Wooster. Unfortunately, getting their hands on what they're after isn't as easy as they might expect. Eventual 9/Rose/Jack
Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Part 4
“Bertie, why don’t you know more people like that?” Dahlia asked, grabbing Bertie after dinner and gesturing to where Jack was quite easily entertaining the majority of the guests. “I’d quite convinced myself that all your friends were as useless and repulsive as you.”
“Thank you, Aunt Dahlia,” Bertie said.
“The other chap seems pretty on the ball as well,” she commented, ignoring him. “Not the sort of person you normally know. Where’d you pick him up?”
“If you must know,” said Bertie haughtily. “He picked me up.”
“Why’d he do a daft thing like that?” Dahlia snorted. Bertie shot her a look of wounded dignity.
“Now really, Aunt Dahlia - ”
“Oh do shut up, Bertie, I want to go talk to this friend of yours.”
Catching sight of Bingo gazing at him imploringly, Bertie held his arm out for Dahlia to take.
“Let’s be off then,” he declared, propelling her quickly across the room to intercept the Doctor before he could reach Rose. “Halloa! Enjoy dinner?”
“It was very nice,” the Doctor said, watching over Bertie’s shoulder as Bingo moved over to sit beside Rose. “Was there something you wanted?”
“Only to get to know you a bit.” Dahlia abandoned Bertie with an ingratiating smile and took the Doctor’s arm. Bertie inwardly crowed in triumph, and the Doctor looked down at the woman who was suddenly attached to him. “You said you were a Doctor. What in?”
“A bit of everything,” the Doctor answered, somewhat distractedly, as he tried to catch Jack’s eye and express his utter disgust at Rose’s tête-à-tête with Bingo with a meaningfully raised eyebrow.
Jack responded with an equally eloquent expression which managed to portray quite effectively:
‘How in the hell can I go rescue Rose when I’ve got this hippo-sized harpy clinging to me? How about she comes to rescue me for a change?’
The Doctor glanced at Honoria, who was staring at Jack with a look of devotion bordering on scary, and decided that the situation was hopeless.
-----
“How did you meet this Doctor chappy, then?” Bingo asked, sitting so far forward in his seat that Rose was wondering how he hadn’t slipped off it yet.
“It’s a long story,” Rose said evasively. He was staring at her in a sort of goggly way, and it was somewhat off-putting. “We just sort of…tumbled together, really.”
“Oh.” Bingo twiddled his thumbs nervously. “And Jack…?”
“Same.”
“Hm.” He nodded and sat back slightly, tapping out a rhythm on his knees. “Lot of tumbling going on then?”
“Loads,” Rose agreed, and wondered when the Doctor or Jack would rescue her.
-----
“This evening went splendidly, I think,” Bertie commented to Jeeves, as he clambered into bed.
“Indeed, sir?” Jeeves asked politely, tidying up the dresser.
“Yes indeed. Mr Little spent a good hour or so after dinner with Miss Tyler,” he said. “You could tell they were getting along famously - after about fifteen minutes they didn’t even need words to communicate.”
“They sat in silence, sir?”
“Well…yes,” Bertie admitted after a pause. “But it was a meaningful silence, Jeeves. One that suggested confessions of love were silently taking place.”
“Of course, sir.”
Bertie scrunched further down into bed and folded his hands over his stomach, feeling very pleased with himself.
“Aunt Dahlia thinks they’re all splendid, Aunt Agatha’s ignoring me because she’s taken quite a shine to the Doctor, and Honoria’s keeping out of my way because she thinks Captain Harkness is utterly marvellous. All in all, Jeeves, a good turnout for all.”
“Apparently so, sir.” Jeeves straightened the sheets on the bed. “Will that be all, sir?”
“Yes thank you, Jeeves.”
“Very good, sir.”
-----
“Any luck locating this thingy-ma-doo?” Rose asked tiredly, slumped against the TARDIS kitchen table.
“Angela said she’d show me it tomorrow,” the Doctor sighed, scrubbing a hand over his face more from frustration than fatigue.
“Pinch it when she’s not looking, will you?” Jack mumbled, his face hidden in his arms as he sprawled across the table. “The sooner we can get out of here the sooner I can forget Honoria Glossop. Again.”
“Bingo doesn’t talk,” Rose said. “He just sort of…sits. And stares at me. And…y’know, gapes a bit. Like a fish, but with period hair and a bow tie.”
“That’s what you get for picking ‘em for their looks,” the Doctor commented.
“There’s nothing to look at!” Rose protested.
“She’s right, Doc,” Jack agreed, his face still firmly fixed on the table. “Skinny as a freaking lamp-post. If he turned sideways, you’d lose him.”
“We can only hope.”
“It was just nice to have a bloke concerned about me,” she said thoughtfully.
“We were concerned about you!” the Doctor said.
“He offered to escort me around London.”
“I offered to escort you around London!” Jack said, lifting his head up for the first time since they’d settled down in the kitchen for a reviving cup of tea; unfortunately none of them had been quite able to work up the will to move and make it.
“Yeah, but I was annoyed at you.” Rose propped her chin on her hand and smothered a yawn. “He seemed nice.”
“Seeming nice and being nice aren’t exactly the same thing,” the Doctor pointed out. “Adam?”
“Oh Adam…” Rose grumbled, pulling a face.
“Adam?” Jack asked.
“Annoying,” Rose supplied, in the state of tiredness where alliteration is good.
“Arsehole,” the Doctor chipped in.
“Oh. That Adam.” Jack yawned and stretched, letting out a groan of relief as everything popped back into place. Rose and the Doctor realised this was rather more interesting than it perhaps should have been and went back to studying the tabletop.
“Right,” said the Doctor eventually. “Bed.”
“Bed,” Rose agreed, standing.
“All together?” Jack asked with a tired leer.
“Sod off,” the Doctor said cheerfully. “You’d steal the quilt.”
-----
The second half of the communication device had pride of place on the mantelpiece in the back drawing room. Angela beamed as she took it down carefully and showed it to the Doctor.
“Isn’t it lovely?” she asked.
“Oh yes,” the Doctor agreed, not really listening. In reality, it was pretty hideous, gunmetal grey and shaped in some repulsive twisting shape with blobs on. It looked like, the Doctor thought absently, a mutant phallus with acne. Charming. “Is it alright if I take a closer look?” he asked.
“I don’t see why not,” Angela said, and handed it over to him gently. “Careful! It’s very delicate.”
The Doctor suppressed any comment. He knew full well this thing could withstand most things short of a nuclear blast, but there was no need for her to know that. He rolled it over in his hands, suddenly struck by how useless it was to have it here when he couldn’t get his sonic screwdriver out to properly study it.
“I was wondering,” he said after a pause. “If I could buy this off you.”
“Oh no,” Angela said, taking it off him and setting it precisely back on the mantelpiece. “I couldn’t sell it - it was a present from Tuppy. He’d be heartbroken.”
“I’m sure he’d understand,” the Doctor tried.
“No, Doctor. I’m flattered you offered, but that’s my last word on the matter.”
She smiled and left the room. The Doctor eyed the ornament in dislike for a moment, before taking a quick reading with his sonic screwdriver to analyse later. Then he shoved his hands in his pockets and headed out into the grounds, where Jack and Rose had been dragged off to by their respective limpets.
-----
“So…” Jack said slowly, as he and Honoria strolled around the grounds. “How is everyone? It’s been so long since I saw them…”
“Oh everyone’s fine,” Honoria sighed. “Oswald’s put on a couple of inches, Daddy and Mummy are well. They’re all topping. You remember that groundskeeper of ours - Henderson? He disappeared a couple of days before you did. He never turned up.”
“Henderson?” Jack asked idly.
“You must remember him,” Honoria insisted. “Dreadfully tall chap, white hair, always looked frightfully ill. And he had the funniest eyes.”
“Oh yes,” Jack said. “Henderson.”
“Now Jack, you must tell me,” she said, looking up at him. “Where did you disappear to last year? You left so suddenly, and no-one could get in contact with you. We quite thought you’d dropped off the face of the planet!”
I probably had, Jack thought wryly.
“I was busy being an International Man of Mystery,” he told her with a cheeky grin. “If I told you any more than that I’d have to kill you.”
Honoria let out a bark of laughter that sounded like a donkey over a megaphone, and swatted his arm in what she clearly thought was a playful manner. Jack suppressed a wince and knew he’d have a sizeable bruise there the next day.
“Oh Jack, you are funny!” she chuckled. “Fine, if you’re going to be infuriating and not tell me, I shan’t give you the pleasure of having me ask. We’ll just have to carry on from where we left off.”
Her hand tightened slightly on the crook of his arm and a sense of dread filled him as he remembered what Tuppy had said earlier.
“Ah.” Jack reached up and squeezed her hand, giving her an apologetic smile. “I’m afraid, sweetheart, that won’t be possible, much as I’d love to.”
Honoria narrowed her eyes at him. While Jack had a bit of height on her, and possibly a bit of strength, she was still built like a middleweight boxer and she could do him a good deal of harm if she didn’t take this well. Of course, that’d be nothing to what the Doctor was going to do when he found out, because he most certainly wasn’t going to be happy.
“You see,” he continued, his hand reaching into his pocket and closing around something he always kept with him, just in case. “I’m engaged.”
“Engaged?” Honoria echoed dangerously. “To whom?”
-----
Rose smiled and waved to Jack as she and Bingo strolled towards him and Honoria, glad that there was a chance she’d be getting some conversation soon. He grinned back, but there was an expression in his eyes that made her pause. No sooner had she registered a sense of severe foreboding that was becoming familiar in all of her travels with the Doctor, Jack had descended upon them.
“Darling!” he said with somewhat pointed feeling, then kissed her soundly.
She was too stunned to do much more than stand there, and when Jack pulled back and looped her hand through his arm, she was surprised to see a diamond ring glinting around her knuckle. She stared at Jack in disbelief - damn that man had light fingers. How’d he managed to slip that on her without her noticing? Her gaze moved almost frantically around the group looking at them.
Honoria was looking ready to thump someone - probably her; Bingo was gaping at her like his heart had been broken; and over his shoulder, a little way away, the Doctor who had been heading towards them, was treating Jack to a look of such unbridled rage that made even Rose shiver. Jack noticed it at about the same time and tensed beside her.
Well, she thought somewhat unsympathetically, at least he knows he’s made a cock-up.
-----