That's a really awesome picture. If I was any good with using metaphors I could say how someday, somehow, something will whisk you along these tracks into something better... I don't know you or your situation at all and I'm all the way on the other side of the country too but I worry when I read your entries. Just keep busy and you've gotta have hope that things will get better someday :/
ever since i was a teenager, i have thought that this area has a way of sucking people in and not letting them go. most especially, those who are born and raised here. the trick is to get out of its grips. really. youll be glad you did. once you do, you will be free to come back and live if that should ever be a want, without fear of the grips. i hope you are able to find that for yourself, some way out, temporarily at least. i have a lot of similar feelings that youre going through now, the wanting to go back or wanting a fresh start. sounds like a new start is what you need. and im glad youre still writing here, regardless of whether or not you feel like youre making progress, keep writing.
i just feel so... fucked. it's so hard to explain. in fact, whenever i try to articulate how i feel, my brain is pushing me to just GIVE UP because it wouldn't be worth talking about. and that defuses me. i can't even come up with ONE adjective. but i can try. (i have so many mini-breakdowns when i try to articulate my problems). i am lonely & deflated. depressed and unloved. unimportant and pointless. caught in a cycle.
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i just feel so... fucked. it's so hard to explain. in fact, whenever i try to articulate how i feel, my brain is pushing me to just GIVE UP because it wouldn't be worth talking about. and that defuses me. i can't even come up with ONE adjective. but i can try. (i have so many mini-breakdowns when i try to articulate my problems). i am lonely & deflated. depressed and unloved. unimportant and pointless. caught in a cycle.
i have become a circle.
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people ride to avoid their pain
the tracks lead nowhere
as they filter through the window and stare
and on the saidamore train
people can see what remains
of the times
when people least expected them to go
oh no
on the saidamore train
only tidy thoughts remain
and i see them tie around
my whispers in vain
i could have said more or less
i could have said more or less
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