Villains, Part 5
Description: Seth's in love, Rodney's suspicious
Word Count: 2,896
Warnings: Depression, sexual references, swearing
Other: Canon.
Previous Parts: Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4
Oh, Seth was screwed. He probably shouldn't even say anything, but he couldn't help himself and his mouth hurt from smiling. "I can't believe you cheat at solitaire."
Rodney looked slyly at him from the kitchen table, handsome green eyes glinting under his long, dark lashes as he continued to move the cards around. "I rarely play solitaire when I'm actually alone; it's something you occupy yourself when you're on your own around other people. So you have an audience."
"And you have to show off?"
"Anyone who claims to be able to complete solitaire without having to turn the pile over at least once is either extremely lucky or cheating."
Seth's heart hurt. "I'm not convinced that's true."
Rodney shrugged. "You try it then."
Seth just shook his head and turned back to his pot of cooking pasta sauce. He loved sly Rodney. He loved vulnerable Rodney, he loved sleepy Rodney, he loved snarky Rodney... There were very few Rodneys he did not love. Maybe being-a-jerk-to-him-specifically Rodney, but Seth rarely even saw him anymore, and he suspected that he'd feel more hurt than hatred or dislike. Seth was falling in love with Rodney Jalowitz. Rodney 'I'M NOT GAY' Jalowitz, of all people.
Part of him wanted to blame them sharing a bed, even though it had been his own adamant idea and much preferable to sleeping on the sofas. It had been innocent, honestly. But Rodney often got panicky from his nightmares and sometimes he - very embarrassed - needed help... like holding Seth's hand while they slept so that he knew he was still there. Sometimes after shaking Rodney awake from a nightmare, he would fall asleep with his hand still resting on Rodney's side or chest, and wake up still feeling every breath he took. One time Rodney couldn't stop shaking for so long that he ended up lying and claimed it was because he was cold, and since then he had slept under Seth's covers as well, albeit with his own blankets too - mostly because ever since he started doing that, he had tended to sleep better. Sometimes Seth would wake up with Rodney sleeping very definitely on his side of the bed, regardless of how far on the opposite side Rodney went to sleep, though Rodney honestly did seem not to have done it deliberately.
But for all that, and though it probably hadn't helped, in retrospect... Well, there'd probably been scarcely any point in their acquaintance and friendship when he wouldn't have slept with Rodney, even when it would have better qualified as hate-sex. And his feeling sympathetic and protective of Rodney... that went back to when Dwayne was a toddler. What happened with Winston, a good part of that was for Rodney's benefit. He ran off to confront Simon Rossi and met his end for Rodney's sake - and he wasn't even mad about it. He'd probably do it again, but hopefully better this time. This had probably been coming for a while, but it didn't make it any easier really.
And it wasn't all about sex, nice though that would be. He wanted Rodney to be happy, wanted him to be safe, and yes, he wanted him to be sexually satisfied - knowing Rodney's disapproval of masturbation, there was a good chance he hadn't even done that since he died and it had been months. When Rodney was sad or scared, Seth wanted to hold him, kiss him on the forehead and soothe his worries away. When Rodney was feeling bad about himself, Seth wanted to tell him how much he loved him, and kiss him all over to prove it. And when Rodney was being all sly and competent like this... Well, if there was only one person in all the universe who could turn down oral sex from Seth Jayapalan it would probably be Rodney, so he supposed it didn't matter.
Still, how long could he keep it a secret? How long should he keep it a secret? With Rodney's self-esteem it would probably be a long time before he dared to guess, even if Seth developed literal heart-eyes. But then, if Seth hid it and Rodney found out later, would he be mad? Maybe Seth kind of owed it to him to let him know that the guy he was sharing a bed with was feeling a hell of a lot more than platonic for him. But would that make him stop? Would it freak him out and make him worse again, if he thought he couldn't trust Seth?
"You're very quiet," Rodney commented, suspiciously.
"Mmmm." Seth would normally be humming or singing at least, but he didn't think he could do that and agonise over his options at the same time.
"What's going on? What are you thinking about?"
Just say something crazy, you know he'll buy it, one train of thought suggested. Like that I'm in love with him? he realised, and snorted out loud.
"Seeeth...?" Rodney was starting to have stern voice. Did Seth love stern Rodney? Yes, supplied his submissive side, very yes. Of course it would say that.
"You don't want to know, Rodney," he said in all honesty.
"Okay... If it's not about me," suspicion still in his voice.
Just lie. He opened his mouth... but couldn't do it. Not being able to lie to Rodney Jalowitz was a dangerous position to be in. "You... you just don't want to know, Rodney. Trust me."
He should have known that was like asking a fish to breathe air. "What are you thinking about me?" Of course Rodney's brain would go to the worst-case scenario, Seth could hear it in his voice, and it yanked painfully at his heartstrings.
"Nothing bad, I promise."
"Oh." Then the fear was replaced by curiosity and somehow yet more suspicion, "Then what are you thinking about me?"
"Rodney...!" Seth turned to look at him and try to be stern back, but goddamn he was handsome and cute and- He turned back to his cooking in desperate frustration. "You don't want to know."
"Well now I know you're thinking something, I can't not know. If I'm going to be pissed with you, better to get it out the way. Just tell me. I've told you all kinds of stuff I didn't want to talk about."
Why did he have to be so difficult? "I need to focus on the cooking, it's almost done."
"Fine," Rodney said lightly, "you can tell me while we eat."
Maybe Seth could set it all on fire, go out to grab take-out and not come back. No... he couldn't do that and leave Rodney alone. "You won't like it."
"You said it wasn't bad."
"Not about you, no."
"So it's bad about you?"
"No... Look, objectively it's not bad about anyone, but you still won't like it."
"I'm intrigued. And prepared to be pissed."
Seth sighed and ran a hand through his hair. He couldn't even begin to hate even this kind of Rodney. The pretty ones are always the assholes, and I wouldn't have it any other way. "Fine. But no throwing the pasta at me, it deserves better than that."
Seth couldn't come up with any good ideas to get out of this as he dished up and served their food, and Rodney was watching him like a cat watching a bird it planned to catch. If only he looked at Seth like that in bed...
Rodney picked up a fork and began winding up some spaghetti. "Well?" he asked as Seth sat down.
"This is your last chance not to hear what I'm about to say."
Rodney rolled his eyes and waved his hand impatiently, "Get on with it."
Seth couldn't look him in the face as he said it, so he gazed at a random point across the kitchen instead. "I'm... I'm falling in love with you."
Rodney snorted and choked a little on his spaghetti. "What? No you're not."
This was making him a tad irritable. "Oh, am I not? That fixes that then."
"Why would you be falling in love with me?"
"Why does anyone fall in love with anyone?"
"In my experience?" Rodney asked, with a glint of mischief in his eye. "Because some asshole has put a magic spell on you both. You didn't magic yourself, did you?"
Seth groaned. "No, I'm not magic anymore."
"Maybe it's karma then," he suggested, still smug.
"You're not helping."
"Are you really serious?"
"You know what, let's just pretend I'm not and act like this conversation never happened, okay?" Seth sighed and went back to his pasta.
Rodney resumed eating as well, but Seth could see him thinking. "If you are serious... I think I know what this is about. Before I died you spent ages alone and miserable, right?"
"Yes..." It was true, but Seth didn't like where he was going with it.
"Right, so when you finally got company again - and I am like the only company you have - your brain desperately latched on to me rather than, say, just about anybody else in existence."
"I don't think this would have happened with just about anybody else in existence, Rodney. Believe it or not, you are special."
"I'm not fishing for compliments, and experience suggests otherwise; all I get is a special level of hate from most people."
"I'm not most people, and you know how I feel about them."
"Since when are you even actually interested in men anyway? I know you'd flirt with anything on two legs, but you always preferred women, didn't you?"
Seth held his tongue on that one - how much truth was too much truth?
"Didn't you...?"
"Rodney..." he sighed. "There has probably scarcely been a moment since we met when I wouldn't have been up for sleeping with you. You are the most attractive man I ever saw in my unusually-extended life, and subsequent death."
Rodney stared at him. "... Why?"
"Do you not look in the mirror? You're gorgeous. Also quite forbidden fruit."
Rodney frowned at the table in confusion for a few moments. "Hang on, how long have you been in love with me for?"
"Not as long as that. At first it was just attraction, and then when I was living with Liv and the grandkids were young I started really liking you as a person and was your friend, and... I think actual love is pretty recent. Since you died. Though I guess the potential was already there."
"So... you want to sleep with me? Sleep with me sleep with me, I mean?"
Seth rolled his eyes. "I don't want anything that you're not okay with. It should be pretty apparent from all the decades I've fancied you that I know how to keep my hands to myself."
"I'm not gay," he clarified for like the thousandth time since they met.
"Yeah, I've noticed. Though I'd say I'm more pan than anything."
"Pan?"
"Pansexual." This didn't appear to make any more sense to Rodney. "Gender doesn't matter - male, female, anything around or inbetween. Don't think about it too hard, I know your feelings about anything unconventional."
"Guess it makes sense for you. Do you think we should find you somebody else to fall in love with? There's got to be some attractive single woman around here who'd win you over in like a week."
"You really don't have a high opinion of me, do you?"
"I think you're a typical manly-man whose brain will follow his genitals to the last attractive woman - or person, I guess - he sees. You're not actually in love with me, you're just desperate. I give it a month, tops."
Seth didn't expect to be the more pissed person coming out of this conversation. "Do you really find it so hard to believe someone could be in love with you?"
Rodney quirked an eyebrow. "Yes. It's never happened before, I don't see it happening now."
And that cooled all the anger inside of him. "It is. But then I knew how 'not gay' you were anyway, so I guess you'll just wait for the next time."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The next time. Rodney shook his head; he had to stop dwelling on that conversation. Seth was as good as his word about not trying anything, currently apparently asleep on the other side of the bed, though it had been a little more awkward between them since yesterday. He couldn't actually be in love with Rodney, surely. Rodney shouldn't even think about it; his first thoughts had been right, Seth would change his mind soon enough.
But the next time. There would be no next time, if indeed there was a this time. Nobody was ever going to love him now. He'd failed to manage it before and now he lived in the goddamn villain house - what chance could he stand when it was explicitly clear that he'd done bad things? The only women he was likely to meet would also be stuck in this place - probably outright psychos from the sounds of it, if there even were women. He was going to spend the rest of forever alone and unloved. He had Seth though, as a friend.
He had to keep Seth as a friend, he knew. He shouldn't piss him off if he could help it. He could humour Seth being 'in love' with him until he got over it in a bit. It was ridiculous, the way Seth looked at him sometimes. Rodney often found himself curious what went on inside Seth's brain, though he thought he probably didn't want to know - he'd probably be scarred for life.
Forever alone, unloved. It was a depressing thought, he should just go to sleep. What if he is in love with us? the same part of him wondered, a part he didn't have much patience for.
He's not.
But what if he is?
Rodney huffed. If, hypothetically, if... Rodney wasn't gay. Rodney was NOT gay. His father and uncles were wrong. It couldn't happen, regardless of what Seth did or did not feel.
Is that better than being alone and unloved forever?
No. It wasn't better.
Would it really be so bad?
The shutters on his imagination came down before he could even try to contemplate it. Rodney couldn't imagine being in a relationship with a man, a man like Seth. Seth would wonder why not, he knew, but Seth didn't understand. It was easy for Seth; Seth was tall and strong and handsome, and practically felt no shame that Rodney could tell. Rodney didn't have all that.
He said we were the most attractive man he'd ever seen...
Seth is basically certifiably insane.
We can't consider the possibility that we might be attractive?
Think of one other person in existence who has ever told us that.
We've been called pretty as an insult.
The memory angered Rodney. I'm not fucking pretty. See, this was why he couldn't be gay. Seth didn't have to put up with that shit. If Rodney was in a relationship with another man, especially like Seth, the assumption would always be that Rodney was the female part of the relationship, and Rodney was not a fucking woman.
Maybe no-one would have to know. We're alone here. Do we want to be alone and unloved forever?
We don't love him back. It might make Seth happy, but it would be leading him on. If he broke Seth's heart and lost his friendship... We can't risk that.
What does he gain from being friends with us anyway?
A good question. Rodney didn't know why he was still being allowed to exist, besides as punishment. Seth did everything useful, the cooking and most of the cleaning, cheering Rodney up, waking him up from nightmares... Rodney was just more work. He wants company, he remembered.
It won't just be us and him forever.
Sooner or later other people would be along, and Seth would probably befriend them too. What would be the benefit of Rodney then?
The only edge we have is that he's apparently in love with us.
Rodney had never really been in love, but he knew it was irrational. Even if he is in love with us, we don't know why. He might fall out of love just as easily.
Keeping him in love might be the only way to keep him at all.
How do you keep someone in love? Sounded like the kind of shit that would be in women's magazines.
Maybe we should try.
Another train of thought intervened. What if we fall in love with him back?
Rodney was losing track of his thoughts. We won't.
Then he had a horrifying thought. What if we fall in love with him back and then he changes his mind?
We won't, we won't, we won't.
Enough of this, he needed a decision. Right, we'll... we'll see if we can keep him in love, while in no way doing so ourselves. He wasn't gay, after all, and had never fallen in love before. He would be immune from falling in love with Seth. He could just... manipulate him a bit. Not in a bad way, just to keep him around and on Rodney's side for when other people came around.
It might be nice to be loved.
Word Count: 2,896
Warnings: Depression, sexual references, swearing
Other: Canon.
Previous Parts: Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4
Oh, Seth was screwed. He probably shouldn't even say anything, but he couldn't help himself and his mouth hurt from smiling. "I can't believe you cheat at solitaire."
Rodney looked slyly at him from the kitchen table, handsome green eyes glinting under his long, dark lashes as he continued to move the cards around. "I rarely play solitaire when I'm actually alone; it's something you occupy yourself when you're on your own around other people. So you have an audience."
"And you have to show off?"
"Anyone who claims to be able to complete solitaire without having to turn the pile over at least once is either extremely lucky or cheating."
Seth's heart hurt. "I'm not convinced that's true."
Rodney shrugged. "You try it then."
Seth just shook his head and turned back to his pot of cooking pasta sauce. He loved sly Rodney. He loved vulnerable Rodney, he loved sleepy Rodney, he loved snarky Rodney... There were very few Rodneys he did not love. Maybe being-a-jerk-to-him-specifically Rodney, but Seth rarely even saw him anymore, and he suspected that he'd feel more hurt than hatred or dislike. Seth was falling in love with Rodney Jalowitz. Rodney 'I'M NOT GAY' Jalowitz, of all people.
Part of him wanted to blame them sharing a bed, even though it had been his own adamant idea and much preferable to sleeping on the sofas. It had been innocent, honestly. But Rodney often got panicky from his nightmares and sometimes he - very embarrassed - needed help... like holding Seth's hand while they slept so that he knew he was still there. Sometimes after shaking Rodney awake from a nightmare, he would fall asleep with his hand still resting on Rodney's side or chest, and wake up still feeling every breath he took. One time Rodney couldn't stop shaking for so long that he ended up lying and claimed it was because he was cold, and since then he had slept under Seth's covers as well, albeit with his own blankets too - mostly because ever since he started doing that, he had tended to sleep better. Sometimes Seth would wake up with Rodney sleeping very definitely on his side of the bed, regardless of how far on the opposite side Rodney went to sleep, though Rodney honestly did seem not to have done it deliberately.
But for all that, and though it probably hadn't helped, in retrospect... Well, there'd probably been scarcely any point in their acquaintance and friendship when he wouldn't have slept with Rodney, even when it would have better qualified as hate-sex. And his feeling sympathetic and protective of Rodney... that went back to when Dwayne was a toddler. What happened with Winston, a good part of that was for Rodney's benefit. He ran off to confront Simon Rossi and met his end for Rodney's sake - and he wasn't even mad about it. He'd probably do it again, but hopefully better this time. This had probably been coming for a while, but it didn't make it any easier really.
And it wasn't all about sex, nice though that would be. He wanted Rodney to be happy, wanted him to be safe, and yes, he wanted him to be sexually satisfied - knowing Rodney's disapproval of masturbation, there was a good chance he hadn't even done that since he died and it had been months. When Rodney was sad or scared, Seth wanted to hold him, kiss him on the forehead and soothe his worries away. When Rodney was feeling bad about himself, Seth wanted to tell him how much he loved him, and kiss him all over to prove it. And when Rodney was being all sly and competent like this... Well, if there was only one person in all the universe who could turn down oral sex from Seth Jayapalan it would probably be Rodney, so he supposed it didn't matter.
Still, how long could he keep it a secret? How long should he keep it a secret? With Rodney's self-esteem it would probably be a long time before he dared to guess, even if Seth developed literal heart-eyes. But then, if Seth hid it and Rodney found out later, would he be mad? Maybe Seth kind of owed it to him to let him know that the guy he was sharing a bed with was feeling a hell of a lot more than platonic for him. But would that make him stop? Would it freak him out and make him worse again, if he thought he couldn't trust Seth?
"You're very quiet," Rodney commented, suspiciously.
"Mmmm." Seth would normally be humming or singing at least, but he didn't think he could do that and agonise over his options at the same time.
"What's going on? What are you thinking about?"
Just say something crazy, you know he'll buy it, one train of thought suggested. Like that I'm in love with him? he realised, and snorted out loud.
"Seeeth...?" Rodney was starting to have stern voice. Did Seth love stern Rodney? Yes, supplied his submissive side, very yes. Of course it would say that.
"You don't want to know, Rodney," he said in all honesty.
"Okay... If it's not about me," suspicion still in his voice.
Just lie. He opened his mouth... but couldn't do it. Not being able to lie to Rodney Jalowitz was a dangerous position to be in. "You... you just don't want to know, Rodney. Trust me."
He should have known that was like asking a fish to breathe air. "What are you thinking about me?" Of course Rodney's brain would go to the worst-case scenario, Seth could hear it in his voice, and it yanked painfully at his heartstrings.
"Nothing bad, I promise."
"Oh." Then the fear was replaced by curiosity and somehow yet more suspicion, "Then what are you thinking about me?"
"Rodney...!" Seth turned to look at him and try to be stern back, but goddamn he was handsome and cute and- He turned back to his cooking in desperate frustration. "You don't want to know."
"Well now I know you're thinking something, I can't not know. If I'm going to be pissed with you, better to get it out the way. Just tell me. I've told you all kinds of stuff I didn't want to talk about."
Why did he have to be so difficult? "I need to focus on the cooking, it's almost done."
"Fine," Rodney said lightly, "you can tell me while we eat."
Maybe Seth could set it all on fire, go out to grab take-out and not come back. No... he couldn't do that and leave Rodney alone. "You won't like it."
"You said it wasn't bad."
"Not about you, no."
"So it's bad about you?"
"No... Look, objectively it's not bad about anyone, but you still won't like it."
"I'm intrigued. And prepared to be pissed."
Seth sighed and ran a hand through his hair. He couldn't even begin to hate even this kind of Rodney. The pretty ones are always the assholes, and I wouldn't have it any other way. "Fine. But no throwing the pasta at me, it deserves better than that."
Seth couldn't come up with any good ideas to get out of this as he dished up and served their food, and Rodney was watching him like a cat watching a bird it planned to catch. If only he looked at Seth like that in bed...
Rodney picked up a fork and began winding up some spaghetti. "Well?" he asked as Seth sat down.
"This is your last chance not to hear what I'm about to say."
Rodney rolled his eyes and waved his hand impatiently, "Get on with it."
Seth couldn't look him in the face as he said it, so he gazed at a random point across the kitchen instead. "I'm... I'm falling in love with you."
Rodney snorted and choked a little on his spaghetti. "What? No you're not."
This was making him a tad irritable. "Oh, am I not? That fixes that then."
"Why would you be falling in love with me?"
"Why does anyone fall in love with anyone?"
"In my experience?" Rodney asked, with a glint of mischief in his eye. "Because some asshole has put a magic spell on you both. You didn't magic yourself, did you?"
Seth groaned. "No, I'm not magic anymore."
"Maybe it's karma then," he suggested, still smug.
"You're not helping."
"Are you really serious?"
"You know what, let's just pretend I'm not and act like this conversation never happened, okay?" Seth sighed and went back to his pasta.
Rodney resumed eating as well, but Seth could see him thinking. "If you are serious... I think I know what this is about. Before I died you spent ages alone and miserable, right?"
"Yes..." It was true, but Seth didn't like where he was going with it.
"Right, so when you finally got company again - and I am like the only company you have - your brain desperately latched on to me rather than, say, just about anybody else in existence."
"I don't think this would have happened with just about anybody else in existence, Rodney. Believe it or not, you are special."
"I'm not fishing for compliments, and experience suggests otherwise; all I get is a special level of hate from most people."
"I'm not most people, and you know how I feel about them."
"Since when are you even actually interested in men anyway? I know you'd flirt with anything on two legs, but you always preferred women, didn't you?"
Seth held his tongue on that one - how much truth was too much truth?
"Didn't you...?"
"Rodney..." he sighed. "There has probably scarcely been a moment since we met when I wouldn't have been up for sleeping with you. You are the most attractive man I ever saw in my unusually-extended life, and subsequent death."
Rodney stared at him. "... Why?"
"Do you not look in the mirror? You're gorgeous. Also quite forbidden fruit."
Rodney frowned at the table in confusion for a few moments. "Hang on, how long have you been in love with me for?"
"Not as long as that. At first it was just attraction, and then when I was living with Liv and the grandkids were young I started really liking you as a person and was your friend, and... I think actual love is pretty recent. Since you died. Though I guess the potential was already there."
"So... you want to sleep with me? Sleep with me sleep with me, I mean?"
Seth rolled his eyes. "I don't want anything that you're not okay with. It should be pretty apparent from all the decades I've fancied you that I know how to keep my hands to myself."
"I'm not gay," he clarified for like the thousandth time since they met.
"Yeah, I've noticed. Though I'd say I'm more pan than anything."
"Pan?"
"Pansexual." This didn't appear to make any more sense to Rodney. "Gender doesn't matter - male, female, anything around or inbetween. Don't think about it too hard, I know your feelings about anything unconventional."
"Guess it makes sense for you. Do you think we should find you somebody else to fall in love with? There's got to be some attractive single woman around here who'd win you over in like a week."
"You really don't have a high opinion of me, do you?"
"I think you're a typical manly-man whose brain will follow his genitals to the last attractive woman - or person, I guess - he sees. You're not actually in love with me, you're just desperate. I give it a month, tops."
Seth didn't expect to be the more pissed person coming out of this conversation. "Do you really find it so hard to believe someone could be in love with you?"
Rodney quirked an eyebrow. "Yes. It's never happened before, I don't see it happening now."
And that cooled all the anger inside of him. "It is. But then I knew how 'not gay' you were anyway, so I guess you'll just wait for the next time."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The next time. Rodney shook his head; he had to stop dwelling on that conversation. Seth was as good as his word about not trying anything, currently apparently asleep on the other side of the bed, though it had been a little more awkward between them since yesterday. He couldn't actually be in love with Rodney, surely. Rodney shouldn't even think about it; his first thoughts had been right, Seth would change his mind soon enough.
But the next time. There would be no next time, if indeed there was a this time. Nobody was ever going to love him now. He'd failed to manage it before and now he lived in the goddamn villain house - what chance could he stand when it was explicitly clear that he'd done bad things? The only women he was likely to meet would also be stuck in this place - probably outright psychos from the sounds of it, if there even were women. He was going to spend the rest of forever alone and unloved. He had Seth though, as a friend.
He had to keep Seth as a friend, he knew. He shouldn't piss him off if he could help it. He could humour Seth being 'in love' with him until he got over it in a bit. It was ridiculous, the way Seth looked at him sometimes. Rodney often found himself curious what went on inside Seth's brain, though he thought he probably didn't want to know - he'd probably be scarred for life.
Forever alone, unloved. It was a depressing thought, he should just go to sleep. What if he is in love with us? the same part of him wondered, a part he didn't have much patience for.
He's not.
But what if he is?
Rodney huffed. If, hypothetically, if... Rodney wasn't gay. Rodney was NOT gay. His father and uncles were wrong. It couldn't happen, regardless of what Seth did or did not feel.
Is that better than being alone and unloved forever?
No. It wasn't better.
Would it really be so bad?
The shutters on his imagination came down before he could even try to contemplate it. Rodney couldn't imagine being in a relationship with a man, a man like Seth. Seth would wonder why not, he knew, but Seth didn't understand. It was easy for Seth; Seth was tall and strong and handsome, and practically felt no shame that Rodney could tell. Rodney didn't have all that.
He said we were the most attractive man he'd ever seen...
Seth is basically certifiably insane.
We can't consider the possibility that we might be attractive?
Think of one other person in existence who has ever told us that.
We've been called pretty as an insult.
The memory angered Rodney. I'm not fucking pretty. See, this was why he couldn't be gay. Seth didn't have to put up with that shit. If Rodney was in a relationship with another man, especially like Seth, the assumption would always be that Rodney was the female part of the relationship, and Rodney was not a fucking woman.
Maybe no-one would have to know. We're alone here. Do we want to be alone and unloved forever?
We don't love him back. It might make Seth happy, but it would be leading him on. If he broke Seth's heart and lost his friendship... We can't risk that.
What does he gain from being friends with us anyway?
A good question. Rodney didn't know why he was still being allowed to exist, besides as punishment. Seth did everything useful, the cooking and most of the cleaning, cheering Rodney up, waking him up from nightmares... Rodney was just more work. He wants company, he remembered.
It won't just be us and him forever.
Sooner or later other people would be along, and Seth would probably befriend them too. What would be the benefit of Rodney then?
The only edge we have is that he's apparently in love with us.
Rodney had never really been in love, but he knew it was irrational. Even if he is in love with us, we don't know why. He might fall out of love just as easily.
Keeping him in love might be the only way to keep him at all.
How do you keep someone in love? Sounded like the kind of shit that would be in women's magazines.
Maybe we should try.
Another train of thought intervened. What if we fall in love with him back?
Rodney was losing track of his thoughts. We won't.
Then he had a horrifying thought. What if we fall in love with him back and then he changes his mind?
We won't, we won't, we won't.
Enough of this, he needed a decision. Right, we'll... we'll see if we can keep him in love, while in no way doing so ourselves. He wasn't gay, after all, and had never fallen in love before. He would be immune from falling in love with Seth. He could just... manipulate him a bit. Not in a bad way, just to keep him around and on Rodney's side for when other people came around.
It might be nice to be loved.