Dear Big Brother, I don't give a damn
My brother came to our house yesterday. I haven't spoken to him in four years and never once considered calling him to talk to him. We've moved three times since the last time I talked to him and we've lived in our current home for over two years. The reason I haven't spoken to him was that our mother had an accident, broke her arm and was unable to work for three months. In those three months he saw her once, maybe twice. She called him but he never returned her calls. It pissed me off that he was her first born son and yet he never would lift a finger to help her yet when he would talk about her in my presence he would refer to her at his mom only.
It ALWAYS pissed me off because she is our mother. I always referred to her as "our mom" instead of "my mom" when he was around. At any rate, because of all that plus the fact that he never remembered her birthday or came around for mother's day (until a few days AFTER) it just pissed me off to the point where I cut him out of my life. I didn't need him, never did. I wrote him a cruel and terrible letter but I do not regret it. She's MY mother and I've been taking care of her for years and she's now my dependent. If he loved her that much then he would help her any way he can but hasn't.
He found us using a PI, not because he missed her but because he needed to know some things about her because his information that he had on her didn't match what was on the government records. What I learned yesterday what shocking to me. I never knew. I never suspected. It's shocking to find out that my mother's name and birth year are different then the woman I've known my entire life. Yes, the woman who raised me is my birth mother but it's shocking to find out that she changed her name completely from the name she had when she married my father. So what if her birth name and the name she's used for 33-years are completely different.
My mother's real name is Irene not Martha and that she comes from an large and wealthy family. Why she decided to leave her family, change her name and cut off all ties to her family - I do know. She did it to save my brother's life. My eldest brother told me and mom confirmed it, it was done to save the life of our other brother who ended up dying of cancer. She walked away from her family and her life because her husband (my brothers' father) was not a US citizen - he's French and German, currently lives in Germany - and because he was a criminal - he was into counter fitting or something like that. I didn't catch it all but know he went to prison then was deported back to Germany. He wanted to take them (my mother and their sons) back with him and she didn't want to go. He left the country with out them and she divorced him and later met and married my father. He threatened to take them from her if she didn't go with him but she continued to refuse. Finally, she ran. She feared for my brother's life if her (ex)husband took them to Germany. So took two of her three sons and ran.
My mother eventually met and married my father who helped her change her name and info to hide from her ex-husband. Did I mention that it turned out MY father was a smuggler!? He knew how to make people disappear, how to make fake identities and how to falsify court papers. Apparently, he's VERY good at it. I don't know the whole story but my mother has always warned me to NEVER go looking for him because I'll be sorry. I don't see how since I really don't care if he's a criminal or a mob boss or anything like that. But at any rate, I don't care. I don't have that desire to go look for my extended family. I know I have at least six brothers and sisters that are my father's children but I don't care.
So because my father helped her hide them from her ex-husband, he did something that is now affecting my brother's life. And now my brother needs my mother's real info and why I now the truth about who they are. My brother has been in contact for years with my mother's mother along with my mother's family. We knew that but *I* never knew the truth of who they were. I never cared about my grandparents or aunts or uncles or cousins let alone my other brother or his children. I wasn't raised with them, I've only met them once when I was two or three and that's it. Why should I care? I know my brother is mad at me for NOT caring but how does it affect my life? It doesn't. Those people are not my family, they're his, he knew them growing up, he visits them - not me. I don't give a damn about them. I know he's mad that I could careless to meet my grandmother - her mother - and aunts, uncles, cousins, other brother, nieces, nephews and who ever else is in our family but I don't give a damn about them. They are not my family as far as I'm concerned.
It doesn't matter to me that my mother was born as Irene. It doesn't matter to me if she comes from a wealthy or poor family. It doesn't matter to me my father was smuggler. It doesn't matter to me if my brothers' father was a counter fitter . It doesn't matter to me if I have nearly a dozen siblings (at least six on my father's side and five on my mother's - including the three brothers and one sister I knew about and the dead sister I just found out about yesterday). To me my mother is Martha, not Irene - Irene is my brother's mother, not mine. To me my siblings are two brothers - one who I loved and who died and the idiot who I cut out of my life.My family are my children, my mother and my husband. That's it. There is no one else that I consider family, not even my in-laws since we're not close to them and haven't seen them in nearly eight years.
We don't need anyone else, we're fine how we are and what my mother did to save my brother's life was her decision to make and not mine to judge. I don't care if she took two of my three brothers and ran with them, changed her name and hid from her family for years. That's her business, not mine and like I told my brother when he came back today, I don't give a damn since it doesn't concern me. My life is here, not in Texas with a huge, rich family that I don't know. I wish my brother well now that he has her real information and can claim his real identity but I am who I am since birth and it doesn't matter to me if my mother is named Irene or Martha because she is still my mother regardless of what name she has.
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But what's funny, is that today, my mother's personality has drastically changed from the hostile person I've known her to be. It's like a weight has been lifted off her shoulders now that I know who she really is. She's actually happy now, something I can't ever recall seeing her. It's weird seeing her happy rather then so crabby and angry.
She explained to me last night who she really was, the story of her life, my father, their father and how she came to meet my step-father. Now I know why she never talked about her family or mother. And now she's not the hostile bitch that she has been. Maybe now that I know the truth she'll stop being the angry person she has been my entire life.
Maybe it was this secret that caused her to lead the gypsy lifestyle she had and maybe now that there is no need to fear either ex-husband, maybe now she'll be comfortable and stop doing the psycho things she's done and stop with the lies. Maybe, we'll see.
It ALWAYS pissed me off because she is our mother. I always referred to her as "our mom" instead of "my mom" when he was around. At any rate, because of all that plus the fact that he never remembered her birthday or came around for mother's day (until a few days AFTER) it just pissed me off to the point where I cut him out of my life. I didn't need him, never did. I wrote him a cruel and terrible letter but I do not regret it. She's MY mother and I've been taking care of her for years and she's now my dependent. If he loved her that much then he would help her any way he can but hasn't.
He found us using a PI, not because he missed her but because he needed to know some things about her because his information that he had on her didn't match what was on the government records. What I learned yesterday what shocking to me. I never knew. I never suspected. It's shocking to find out that my mother's name and birth year are different then the woman I've known my entire life. Yes, the woman who raised me is my birth mother but it's shocking to find out that she changed her name completely from the name she had when she married my father. So what if her birth name and the name she's used for 33-years are completely different.
My mother's real name is Irene not Martha and that she comes from an large and wealthy family. Why she decided to leave her family, change her name and cut off all ties to her family - I do know. She did it to save my brother's life. My eldest brother told me and mom confirmed it, it was done to save the life of our other brother who ended up dying of cancer. She walked away from her family and her life because her husband (my brothers' father) was not a US citizen - he's French and German, currently lives in Germany - and because he was a criminal - he was into counter fitting or something like that. I didn't catch it all but know he went to prison then was deported back to Germany. He wanted to take them (my mother and their sons) back with him and she didn't want to go. He left the country with out them and she divorced him and later met and married my father. He threatened to take them from her if she didn't go with him but she continued to refuse. Finally, she ran. She feared for my brother's life if her (ex)husband took them to Germany. So took two of her three sons and ran.
My mother eventually met and married my father who helped her change her name and info to hide from her ex-husband. Did I mention that it turned out MY father was a smuggler!? He knew how to make people disappear, how to make fake identities and how to falsify court papers. Apparently, he's VERY good at it. I don't know the whole story but my mother has always warned me to NEVER go looking for him because I'll be sorry. I don't see how since I really don't care if he's a criminal or a mob boss or anything like that. But at any rate, I don't care. I don't have that desire to go look for my extended family. I know I have at least six brothers and sisters that are my father's children but I don't care.
So because my father helped her hide them from her ex-husband, he did something that is now affecting my brother's life. And now my brother needs my mother's real info and why I now the truth about who they are. My brother has been in contact for years with my mother's mother along with my mother's family. We knew that but *I* never knew the truth of who they were. I never cared about my grandparents or aunts or uncles or cousins let alone my other brother or his children. I wasn't raised with them, I've only met them once when I was two or three and that's it. Why should I care? I know my brother is mad at me for NOT caring but how does it affect my life? It doesn't. Those people are not my family, they're his, he knew them growing up, he visits them - not me. I don't give a damn about them. I know he's mad that I could careless to meet my grandmother - her mother - and aunts, uncles, cousins, other brother, nieces, nephews and who ever else is in our family but I don't give a damn about them. They are not my family as far as I'm concerned.
It doesn't matter to me that my mother was born as Irene. It doesn't matter to me if she comes from a wealthy or poor family. It doesn't matter to me my father was smuggler. It doesn't matter to me if my brothers' father was a counter fitter . It doesn't matter to me if I have nearly a dozen siblings (at least six on my father's side and five on my mother's - including the three brothers and one sister I knew about and the dead sister I just found out about yesterday). To me my mother is Martha, not Irene - Irene is my brother's mother, not mine. To me my siblings are two brothers - one who I loved and who died and the idiot who I cut out of my life.My family are my children, my mother and my husband. That's it. There is no one else that I consider family, not even my in-laws since we're not close to them and haven't seen them in nearly eight years.
We don't need anyone else, we're fine how we are and what my mother did to save my brother's life was her decision to make and not mine to judge. I don't care if she took two of my three brothers and ran with them, changed her name and hid from her family for years. That's her business, not mine and like I told my brother when he came back today, I don't give a damn since it doesn't concern me. My life is here, not in Texas with a huge, rich family that I don't know. I wish my brother well now that he has her real information and can claim his real identity but I am who I am since birth and it doesn't matter to me if my mother is named Irene or Martha because she is still my mother regardless of what name she has.
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But what's funny, is that today, my mother's personality has drastically changed from the hostile person I've known her to be. It's like a weight has been lifted off her shoulders now that I know who she really is. She's actually happy now, something I can't ever recall seeing her. It's weird seeing her happy rather then so crabby and angry.
She explained to me last night who she really was, the story of her life, my father, their father and how she came to meet my step-father. Now I know why she never talked about her family or mother. And now she's not the hostile bitch that she has been. Maybe now that I know the truth she'll stop being the angry person she has been my entire life.
Maybe it was this secret that caused her to lead the gypsy lifestyle she had and maybe now that there is no need to fear either ex-husband, maybe now she'll be comfortable and stop doing the psycho things she's done and stop with the lies. Maybe, we'll see.