This is how cynical I've become, I've gotten to the point where I don't like being told I'm attractive because I think the person saying it is lying.

"I have a friend who tries to set me up on dates, he said he knows a girl who's got off beat good looks. I don't want a girl with off beat good looks, I want a girl with beat off good looks." - Drew

"You know what I like more than women? Pornography. Yes....because I can get pornography." - Patton Oswalt

The loss doesn't make me as mad as the mouth I'm gonna have to hear because of it. I'm so sick of hearing about Tom Brady and the damn Patriots I could puke blood.

Jerry Rice just couldn't do it. After over 1,500 career catches, over 22,000 receiving yards, and nearly 200 receiving touchdowns, the NFL's greatest receiver just couldn't fathom being the 4th receiver on the Denver Broncos' depth chart. He couldn't grasp being the receiver who may or may not dress for every game during the regular season. So he ( Read more... )

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Louis C.K.: "I thought maybe I was gay, but I'm married so now it's like I'm A-sexual. My friends always say they don't know if they could get married because it's sex with one woman the rest of your life. I said well actually I would love to have sex with one woman for the rest of my life because right now I'm having sex with no women for the rest ( Read more... )

Being the biggest fan of football I know(you're reading something from a guy who once said "If the Raiders win the Super Bowl, I'll bang Randy Moss), I aspire to have a career that has something to do with football. Anything from being the Quarterback and leader of a team(my preference, but it may be hard seeing as I lack any physical talent but a ( Read more... )

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Okay, quick story. I'm sitting here and i'm bored, so I go to the MSN online dictionary to look up the meaning of a word I saw in an article I was reading on ESPN.com. See, I'm sort of obsessive compulsive, so some things I have a problem ignoring. For example, when I play Madden and I look at the statistics of players on there, it drives me crazy ( Read more... )

I pride myself on not doing profoundly stupid things. It sucks to be me right now.