[Pin] everything (it's you); part II
She’d sucked on his bottom lip, so gentle and sweet, Jin didn’t want her to ever stop. But then she’d fallen slack against him, head on his shoulder with her hand still loosely embracing him.
“Pi?” he whispered cautiously, confused. She didn’t move, and he realized that she’d fallen asleep. Carrying her to the couch was nothing, but when he covered her with a blanket, he found himself stopping and staring at her face.
He’s always been aware that she’s a pretty girl, with nice features and a nice body, but he knew she was pretty the same way he knew he was good-looking. It was just fact, not something to act on, exactly. He isn’t going to jack off to himself anytime soon, after all. He’s been looking at Pi in that manner; knowing she’s pretty, but she’s just Pi. It’s been that way for years, up until now. He never thought that a kiss could have such an impact on anyone, but here he is, seeing her delicate features for the first time.
He doesn’t know if it’s right, but he reaches out to touch her cheek and strokes smooth, clear skin with his fingertips. He brushes soft hair out of her eyes, tucking it behind her ear, and touches her cheek again, mesmerized until he hears padding footsteps and a yawn - Ryo. He retracts his hand immediately.
“Hey,” Ryo says, yawning again. “Oh. She fell asleep?”
Jin nods.
“I’m going to get a drink of water,” Ryo says, jerking his thumb towards the kitchen, and Jin follows. “Actually, you want tea?” Ryo asks over his shoulder, and Jin nods again, quiet.
“Ryo-chan,” Jin muses over his tea. “Do you think Pi’s pretty?”
Ryo raises an eyebrow. “Well, duh. I think you’d have to be blind not to. She’s got one of the nicest racks I’ve ever seen, and it’s real.”
Jin chokes a little on his tea.
-
They’re playing the “who’s hotter” game (or “who would you rather fuck” as Ryo puts it), and Jin sees it as an opportunity after they’ve said some pretty dirty things about two of their teachers. He’s pretty sure Ryo and Yuu are both sloshed enough to answer any question he’s about to present without any unnecessary suspicion, so he asks, “Maki or Pi?”
“You’re weird lately, Jin,” Ryo says, putting down his can of beer and completely falling out of the game’s usual tone. “You’re always asking weird questions about Pi.” His tone implies that he knows more than he’s letting on, but all he does is raise an eyebrow in that completely infuriating way.
“It’s about how you feel inside,” Yuu adds, sounding just as sober. “The one you love most is the most beautiful, and it’s different for everyone.”
All Jin learns that day is that his judgment sucks. He opens another can of beer.
-
After working at the coffee shop for a year, Jin hasn’t saved up enough to buy a car. He’s got no car and no girlfriend, since Maki decided to go to her first choice university after all and broke up with Jin in the process. “It’s not like you love me, anyway,” she’d said before kissing him. Jin was just a little sad to see it end, but the break-up sex was pretty good.
Though car-less and girlfriend-less, the summer of his first year in university, Jin has a promise to keep and his roommate is good enough to him to lend him his car.
“Do you remember that promise we made?”
Pi makes a face. “Which one?”
“The time you came with my family to the beach, and we climbed to the top of the pile of rocks, remember?”
“Ah, yes,” Pi smiles, nostalgic. “The sunset promise. That’s what I called it in my head, anyway. You almost fell off those rocks, too; you’re shit in those situations. Didn’t Reio once push you off a pier?”
“I learned how to swim after that,” Jin laughs. “But the promise we made-”
“I told you I liked the sea more than any place in the world, and you said you’d take me when you got a car.”
“My friend says he’ll lend me his car,” Jin explains. “I intend to make good on that promise.”
Pi can remember promises like that, but she doesn’t seem to remember kissing Jin. That, or she doesn’t want to bring it up, and Jin doesn’t really want to either.
Jin picks Pi up from her apartment in the morning, big sunglasses covering both their faces, and they stop for coffee before hitting the highway. Pi doesn’t have much confidence in Jin’s driving to start with, and when Jin backs out of the parking spot too sharply, she manages to spill half of her coffee in her lap. She yelps because it’s hot, and Jin curses and pulls back into the parking spot (too sharply, again).
“Uwahh,” Pi frets, scrambling to pick up her cup and lid. “Today’s gravity is really strong, ne!”
Jin meets her eyes and she looks back at him, and as if cued, they both burst into giggles. They giggle until Pi gasps, eyes going wide. “Bakanishi!” she exclaims, “This isn’t our car!”
They’re just lucky that the upholstery is leather. Pi sops up the mess with her beach towel and Jin cleans up any sweet residue with some wet napkins from the coffee shop. While Jin looks away, Pi changes out of her wet shorts into comfy-looking cutoff sweatpants in the backseat, not shy because she’s wearing her bathing suit underneath anyway. When they finally get on the highway, she puts her iPod on shuffle and they sing along with whatever song comes on. They sing loud and unrestrained until they get closer to the beach and Pi rolls down her window to breathe the sea air.
Ever since that kiss, Jin’s been more and more aware of Pi’s presence. The sparkle in her eyes when she’s being mischievous, how excited she gets about food, the way she can cheer him up just by being there; add this to a pretty face with pouty lips, and oh, he can’t turn a blind eye to this. He’s not sure what he should do with this sudden attraction to his best friend.
He almost forgets how to breathe when he parks and she steps out of the car, taking off her loose shirt to apply sunblock. The last time they were at the beach together, maybe he was fourteen and she was thirteen. Five years later, seeing her in a bikini…Ryo was right when he said she had a nice rack, too, Jin thinks, his face heating up.
“Jin,” she’s calling his name. “Sunblock.” She thrusts the bottle into his hand. “If you don’t put it on, you’ll get cancer and die. Or, you’ll just get ugly.”
“I will never be ugly,” Jin declares grandly, and Pi laughs.
“Do you mind doing my back?” she asks, and doesn’t seem to notice Jin drop the bottle, red-faced.
For a warm day, the beach isn’t too crowded. Jin and Pi find a nice spot to set their things down and race to the water, swimming and splashing each other. When they begin to tire, they come closer to shore where the water comes up to their chests and try to float. Jin can do it easily, but Pi kind of sucks at it no matter how much she hates to lose, so Jin sneaks up to her side and picks her up bridal-style because he can. She laughs, arms automatically rising to wrap around his neck, and he promptly drops her into the water. She sputters and chases him into deeper waters, calling him names and trying her best to dunk his head under in revenge, and he grins so widely he thinks his face might split in two.
They lay on their towels, drying as the sun drops in the sky. Jin has his sunglasses on because they’re fashionable, whereas Pi has an arm flung over her eyes, insisting that Jin’s going to get an awkward tan line like that. Jin pokes her flat stomach (and feels some nice muscle there, probably from all the dancing) and points out that a tan line from her arm won’t be much better; pokes her until she growls and swats his arm away, stubborn.
The sky is changing color as they climb up the rocks they scaled years ago. Jin follows Pi so he can catch her in case she falls, but when he thinks about it, he’s probably more likely to fall considering how nimbly she moves. She steps onto the wide, flat rock near the top of the lot and holds her arms out, face to the sky, yelling “kirei!” so loudly and suddenly that it startles Jin.
She turns around to look at him, the darkening orange hue of the sky casting a warm glow on her face. “Yell something too,” she says, full of energy. Jin feels more than alive at that moment, skin prickling with life, even, so he yells ikiteiru into the sunset.
They sit together quietly on that rock, sharing a bottle of water Pi pulls from her bag, listening to the sound of waves and the silent words of the sky. A cool breeze comes and goes, wafting though their hair. It makes Pi hug herself, and Jin puts an arm around her shoulders because it feels natural. She scoots closer, small smile on her face, and Jin thinks that he’d be content to stay like this forever.
“What are you doing tomorrow?” he asks. And the next day, and the day after that.
“Spending time with a manly man,” Pi giggles, and Jin blinks. “Huh?”
“I’m going out with Kei from the shop,” she clarifies.
“Oh,” Jin says dumbly. “Like, a date?”
“Yup, I think it’s the fourth one.” She smiles, and Jin and has to force himself to smile back.
-
“Come to think of it, I thought I saw them kissing in Shibuya the other day,” Ryo muses.
Jin feels like he’s been slapped across the face. “Ha?”
“Well, not kissing kissing.” Ryo holds up his palm, smacks a kiss on it. “Like that.”
“I don’t like him,” Jin says decisively, rubbing his nose.
“You liked him enough every time we came to his shop,” Ryo points out. “Said he was a good guy, and we always laughed at his jokes.”
“Yeah, but-” Jin can’t finish his sentence.
“But since he started getting closer to the girl you like, you can’t forgive him,” Ryo says knowingly, and Jin’s jaw drops. “Are you kidding me?” Ryo snorts at his reaction. “You are so obvious, Jin. Ever since the watermelon at my house, you’ve been acting-” Ryo’s eyes go wide, and the corners of his mouth turn up. “Something happened, didn’t it? That day, when I was sleeping.”
“No,” Jin retorts stubbornly.
“All right, all right,” Ryo says. “But what then? You want to date her instead?”
“I don’t know,” Jin says honestly. He thinks about the time Pi broke it off with Ikuta because she valued his friendship; wonders if he really does like her or if this is just a passing thing. If it is, he doesn’t want to put their friendship at risk, either.
“Then let it play out for now,” Ryo advises, taking pity on him. “Koyama has his heart in the right place; we know that much.”
-
Jin’s roommate is a good guy. He’s called Jimmy Mackey, a half-Japanese, half-American guy with broad shoulders and a height like Yuu’s. With Yuu off studying in Spain, he’s kind of grateful for their similarities, but he also enjoys their differences. Jimmy introduces him to some good music, helps him in English, goes clubbing with him. It’s actually Jimmy’s influence that leads him to submit an application for study abroad in America.
Near the end of summer, he finds out that he’s been accepted for two quarters at a university in Los Angeles. He’ll be gone from September to March, off to study English and experience the American culture.
Aside from Jimmy, he calls Yuu up to tell him first. Yuu has always been a good listener, so he ends up spilling everything to him, about Pi and Koyama and life.
“Kisses can really make people go wild,” Yuu laughs. “But seriously, Jin, you have a really good opportunity here. You can put some distance between you and Tomo-chan, sort out your feelings. If you love her when you come back, you can fight for her.”
“Six months will have passed,” Jin says uneasily. “Don’t you think-”
“If you really love her, she’ll choose you,” Yuu says firmly, and Jin feels moved. One of the things he’s always loved about Yuu is his faith in his friends.
-
Pi’s been working hard this summer, working a second job in the morning while keeping her job at the ramen shop, doing her best to save up for college since she’ll be taking exams this year. Despite that, she still makes time to come over and eat dinner at Jin’s house because she can’t resist his mother’s cooking.
They sit on the couch, watching an American movie that they’re too tired to really pay attention to. Jin wonders if it would be a good lead-in for breaking the news to her about his study abroad - he hasn’t told her yet. Speaking of English, something like that. He debates it until the female lead starts laying it onto her partner, telling him that from the first time she saw him, she knew he was too arrogant and high-strung to work with. She tells him that the mission failed this time because they couldn’t work together, and it makes Jin laugh.
“That reminds me of you,” he says. “When people find out we’ve been friends for this long, you always tell them you don’t know why you became friends with me. You always tell them I thought I was cool when I was really just a big dork.” He makes a face. “Let me tell you one thing: I was never a dork.”
“I never really mean it,” she says. “Don’t tell me your feelings are hurt. You’re the one who pushed me off the swing in the first place.”
“Of course not, stupid,” Jin retorts, wondering why he brought this up in the first place. “People just always get the wrong impression, so I hate it when you tell people that.”
“I did, though! I still think that you thought you were much cooler than you were. Who’s cool in junior high, really?” Pi yawns, a complete turnaround from her challenging tone, and Jin reaches over from his corner of the couch to rub her shoulder comfortingly.
“You were up early this morning working, right?” Jin asks. “It’s not a bad idea to take a nap right now. I’ll wake you up when my mom’s done making dinner.”
Pi nods at him with a slow smile, easily mollified, before closing her eyes and resting her head on his shoulder. Jin lowers the volume of the television before turning his head to watch his friend rest. He follows the straight line of her nose to slightly parted pink lips, down to the curve of her breast, rising and falling with slow breaths. He feels those breaths and her warmth at his side, and he’s glad to be leaving because he’s falling, fast and hard.
It scares him, a little.
-
Ryo and Pi see him off at the airport; Ryo riding the shinkansen back to Tokyo just for the last dinner they’ll have in a while. Dinner, beer, and goodbyes that aren’t really goodbyes. “Bang some hot American chicks for me,” he says lowly into Jin’s ear as he gives him a very masculine hug.
“Try not to think about how they’ll all be taller than you,” Jin smirks, but he’s glad Ryo’s here and they both know it.
They break apart and Pi tugs on the bottom of Jin’s jacket, looking like she can’t find the right words. He looks into that pouty face and catalogues it in his mind; wraps her in a hug that lifts her off her toes. “Good luck on your entrance exams, okay?” He pats her on the head, feeling silk under his fingertips.
“I’m not your dog!” she grimaces, ducking away from his hand and fiddling with her jewelry. She takes off one of her necklaces, kind of long with little black beads, and hands it to him. “Take this with you,” she says, starting to blush. Jin takes it from her and holds it up with curiosity.
“Where’d you get this?” he asks.
“I made it with Yuu-kun’s brother,” Pi answers, sounding a little proud. Yuu’s brother has recently developed an interest in designing jewelry, Jin knows. In Yuu’s absence, his little brother had been showing them a lot of his designs and prototypes. Jin fingers the little red tassel on the necklace; it looks completely out of place among all the black beads. Maybe he’ll be like that in Los Angeles, he worries.
“Anyway, I’ll lend you that,” Pi interrupts his thoughts. She looks nervous, pulling on the necklace she’s still wearing. Jin puts on his new treasure, but he can’t help asking Pi where she got the necklace she’s wearing. “Ah, it was a present,” Pi says, flustered, and she doesn’t have to add from Koyama for Jin to know.
He hugs her again because he can; doesn’t think about the time he saw her with Koyama walking down the street eating ice cream cones, hand-in-hand.
“I’ll see you,” he calls, when it’s time to go.
“I’ll e-mail you!” Pi tells him, waving, and Ryo gives him a nod. “Be safe,” he says.
Jin looks back for a second before passing through his gate, and Pi’s still waving.
-
On the second day of November, Jin makes a long distance call.
“Hello?”
“Oi, skinny monkey,” Jin grins, “congratulations on your birthday!”
“You actually got the time difference right,” Ryo laughs. “And what about you? I heard that those American cheeseburgers are doing you in. If you come back fat, I’ll leave you behind. I’m only friends with good-looking people.”
“Aw, Ryo-chan,” Jin coos. “You think I’m good-looking?”
“Shut up,” Ryo says good-naturedly. “So? Everything going okay over there?”
“Yeah, I’m having a lot of fun over here,” Jin tells him. “I’m glad I came.”
“I’m glad,” Ryo says. “You know, I know a pretty girl who misses you.”
“There’s a pretty girl over there I miss, too,” Jin says fondly.
“Entrance exams are right around the corner. You know which one she’s aiming for?”
“Yeah,” Jin smiles, “mine.” There’s a pause before Jin asks, “What, you’re just staying at home on your birthday?”
“It’s morning, idiot,” Ryo snorts. “I’m getting ready for work right now. You didn’t get the time difference right after all.”
“Congratulations on your birthday,” Jin says again, and Ryo just laughs.
-
Distance makes the heart grow fonder. It’s an English saying Jin learns, though he can’t remember if it was from one of his classes or one of his friends. It’s true all the same; he’s this many miles away from Pi but he still thinks about her more than anybody else.
When he’s not studying, there are tons of things he can occupy himself with. Los Angeles is a city of mixed cultures, and he makes friends fluent in both English and Japanese. His friendships enable him to meet a variety of people, and he learns that you don’t need to speak the same language to have sexual relations with good-looking girls.
Yuu’s a smart guy, Jin thinks, knowing study abroad would help Jin sort things out. There are hot girls all over the campus, a bit meatier than what Jin’s used to, but they have breasts and big eyes and when they go out to clubs, only dance dirty. Some of them are blonde with blue eyes, and those features easily draw Jin in. His cock and his brain are satisfied here in Los Angeles, but there’s a big void that only one person can fill. He doesn’t want to get too close to any of these girls, doesn’t want to make a commitment because he’s already committed.
It’s not just some physical attraction, Jin knows. Not being able to see Pi makes him realize that what he wants most is to always be by her side.
-
“I got in!” Pi’s voice is loud over the phone, and Jin grins. “Congratulations!” he says earnestly. “I knew you could do it.”
“Thank you,” she says. “So, did you get my last email? We went out for yakitori, ne, I bet you miss that over there.”
“Please stop talking about food in your emails,” Jin groans. Pi is grinning; he can tell through the phone. “No way,” she teases. “So, when’s the last time you had a good bowl of ramen?”
-
At the end of January, Ryo sends Jin a short email. Seems they broke up.
-
“You’re coming back to Japan in a couple of weeks,” Yuu says, voice clear over the phone. “So, what’d you figure out?”
“If I told you I left my heart in Japan, would that spell it out for you?”
“You’re a good man, Jin,” Yuu tells him.
-
It’s been six months. Six months and he hasn’t been home - he misses the taste of beer with Ryo, Yuu’s forever knowing look, Japanese food of all kinds, and Pi. But two weeks before he leaves, he can’t think about how much he misses all of that; he’s too busy wracking his brain trying to figure out what he’s supposed to bring back for everyone.
He buys Ryo a porn magazine; that’s easy. But it’s half a gag gift and only half a real one, so he can’t even say he’s done shopping for Ryo.
He can’t for the life of him decide on something to buy for Pi, though. The nice things he sees, she can get them in Japan, too. Hell, she might already have bought something like it seeing as it’s been six months. There’s food, of course; everyone knows Pi loves food, but all the pretty packaged cakes and cookies are so sweet here, not like the delicate flavors one finds in Japan. He doesn’t think Pi will like them.
He thinks of corny things like stuffed animals; Pi always wanted a dog but her family couldn’t afford to keep one. He finds a cute one in a shop, with big eyes, floppy ears and a little snout; but Pi’s nearly nineteen now, not thirteen. Besides, he thinks, maybe when they’re a little older, they can get their own dog, name it after themselves - he slaps himself mentally; he’s at least five years too early to be thinking about things like living together and marriage.
-
He runs out of time in the end; throws together some presents for Ryo, Yuu, and his mother. He ends up buying a sack full of different candies for Pi for lack of any better ideas.
He sleeps through most of the plane ride; weird dreams where he’s arguing with a boy with bad skin and a crooked nose, his comfortable recurring dream of singing on stage with a guitar in his hands, and a dream that makes him smile, eating nabe with Pi.
Ryo said he’d come pick Jin up since he’s in Tokyo for some reason or another, but Jin’s surprised to see Pi standing with him in the airport. She looks beautiful, smiling at him, and he feels pretty disgusting from his travel but he runs over to her and pulls her into a tight hug, squeezing like he’ll never let go. She doesn’t seem to mind though, if the way her arms are wrapped around Jin’s waist is any indication. Jin doesn’t know how long they’ve stayed like that when Ryo coughs, and they separate.
“I don’t want to pay extra for parking,” Ryo says, mock-annoyed, but he puts a hand on Jin’s shoulder to show how he really feels.
Jin and Pi slide into the backseat of Ryo’s car so Jin can show her what’s in his bag of souvenirs; he hands her the bag of sweets as soon as he finds it. She picks a package, examining it closely, and because she’s Pi, tears open the package and holds it out to him, offering him the first taste.
Jin doesn’t know what’s coming out of his mouth or what she’s saying, just knows that he’s here and she’s here and he’s glad to be home.
-
They’re not able to meet on Pi’s nineteenth birthday, what with the complications of classes and it being Pi’s first year at university. She comes home that weekend for a home-cooked birthday dinner at her mother’s insistence, and Jin follows her with a box of creampuffs.
“Ne, come with me somewhere,” she says, setting aside two of the four pastries for her mother and sister.
“Where?” Jin asks, but Pi is already putting on her shoes, box of creampuffs in hand, so he just follows her out the door. She doesn’t have to tell him where they’re going in the end, though. He hasn’t taken this path in years, but he doesn’t think it will ever lose its familiarity.
They reach the park where they met seven years ago, sitting down at a picnic table and eating the sweet pastries. Jin remembers always seeing couples here, how he used to want to gag when he saw them being intimate, and thinks that he’s definitely, definitely come a long way from then. Pi’s looking at the swing set as she eats quietly, Jin watching as she licks cream off her lip, and he’s mesmerized. He looks at those pretty lips a little too long and thinks about the time they kissed, wonders if Pi would remember it if he had the balls to bring it up. He doesn’t, though.
The park, Jin realizes, is an ideal place for him to confess to Pi. He’s been thinking about it for a while now, but another year’s start at university, Pi moving into her apartment closer to campus, these things have kept them apart and too occupied. Jin is forever asking himself when a good time would be. He’s waited so long he thinks he’s developed the patience of a Buddha. There’s that nagging feeling holding him back, too, the part that knows that he’s gambling with his most precious friendship by telling her he likes her.
Today, then, he’ll do it today, he tells himself. Sometimes you have to take a leap of faith in order to get places. Telling himself to do it just makes him more nervous, and he feels like Pi is being strangely quiet too, as they finish their dessert and throw the box away, heading over to sit on the swings.
Jin rocks back and forth anxiously on his swing. Do it, do it, do it. Do it, do it do it do it-
“Ne, Jin,” Pi says, breaking the silence, looking at him.
“Yeah?” Jin says, startled from his thoughts.
“I like you,” she says, biting her lip. “That way. I really like you.”
Jin stops moving. “What?” he asks disbelievingly, voice rough.
Pi seems to get smaller, clearly mistaking Jin’s tone. “Well, I mean. It doesn’t have to change anything, just. When you were gone, I-”
“Hold on,” Jin says incredulously. “You were the one who broke up with Ikuta because you valued your friendship and all.”
Pi cringes visibly. “I know, but this. This is different.”
Jin finds himself moving before he even thinks about it, knees in the sand by Pi’s feet, holding her hands in his. “Do you really like me?”
“Yes,” she says, blushing pink, and Jin pulls her to her feet, looks into her eyes, keeping her hands in his.
“Yamashita Tomoko,” he starts, “I like you more than anyone else in this world.”
Her breath hitches; Jin can see it. With the ice broken, he doesn’t know what he’d been worrying about. “If you were a boy, if I were a girl, if you only spoke Japanese and I only knew English, no matter what - I’d still love you this much, and I would still only want to be with you.”
He breathes.
“Don’t call me that,” she says, smiling, and it’s the most natural thing in the world for them to pull each other close and kiss.
-
“Kissing in front of the swing set at night,” Ryo says. “I don’t know whether to gag or cheer. That sounds corny as fuck, but I’m happy for the both of you.”
“I’m the happiest bastard I know right now,” Jin says, phone pressed to his ear as he butters his toast. “Anyway, I have to get to class. Good luck with that presentation or whatever, okay?”
“As long as I’m not you, I’ll be fine,” Ryo says. “But seriously, she’s okay with your weight, Fat Jin? You better not be putting butter on your toast.”
Jin hangs up on him.
-
It’s kind of surprising how not much has changed. They’re still the same people, still best friends who joke and fight, but knowing how he feels about Pi and having her return it, that’s something special. That, and the touching. When they hold each other, when they kiss, that’s not something Jin can get from just anyone.
Jin’s never been big on talking about feelings, but that’s what he thinks.
“It’s not working out because it’s easy,” Pi says. “It’s working out because it’s us.”
“You think we’re glad? My mother is ecstatic,” he tells her, and she laughs.
-
Time seems to go by fast. They go to the beach again that summer, kissing at their place on the rocks. As the sun disappears from the sky, Jin watches Pi carve a big heart in the sand with her foot.
He thinks about sex with Pi sometimes - when is he not thinking about sex? - but Pi isn’t just any girl. It’s working out well with the kissing and their mothers’ blessings, but sex is a whole different level and with Pi, it kind of scares him. It’s as if doing it is akin to crossing a bridge made of a rotten log. If you can get across, you can probably do anything, but it seems like it’d be easy to fall and lose it all. It’s like that, or like crossing an invisible bridge trusting your faith alone. Jin saw that in an American movie once, but he’s no Indiana Jones.
He thinks about taking Pi to bed, her eyes shy on him, all quiet and breathless. But that just brings back memories of when he was fourteen and getting ready to pierce Pi’s ears. She fidgeted at first, as he sterilized the needle and earrings with alcohol and held ice to her ear, but when he said he was ready, she’d trusted him and lain still on his bed. He’d poked the needle through, trying to do it quickly, but when it reached the slice of apple behind her ear, blood leaked out of the hole. He winced and glanced over at Pi, who was biting her lip. He didn’t need to ask if it hurt based on the look on her face, but her hate-to-lose character prevented her from saying anything. Jin was grateful for that; this was nerve-wracking enough as it was.
“It’s bleeding,” he reported, and Pi flinched. “Clean it with alcohol and put the earring in,” she instructed calmly, eyes closed, and Jin thought he might be sweating, with another ear to do, too.
Once it was done, Pi stood up, a little woozy, and looked in the mirror. She yelped out loud, and Jin cringed. “Bakanishi!” she frowned. “Isn’t this too low?” She grasped her earring lightly before pulling her hand away because the skin was still tender.
“You could let it close up and we could try it again,” Jin offered meekly. “Maybe a professional should do it instead, ne?”
“No way,” Pi frowned. “It’s not that bad. At least it’s even.” She rounded on him. “I’ll do yours the way you should have done mine, though.”
And when he looks at his ears now, six years later, they do look like they’ve been done by a professional. Leave it to Pi to get things done right, he thinks wryly. It’s because of things like this that he’s sometimes afraid of his own underperformance.
-
At the end of summer, Jimmy goes to New York to study, leaving Jin with an empty apartment. Pi comes over in her free time to study with him and keep him company, but a fair few times they’ve found themselves making out on Jin’s bed, his hand up her shirt.
In December, they celebrate the end of exams with peppermint cocoa. Jin says something that makes Pi laugh just as she’s taking a sip, and she misses her mark, spilling hot cocoa on her mouth and on the table. “Bakanishi!” she whines even though she’s at fault, reaching for napkins to clean it up.
Seeing her flustered makes Jin’s heart beat a little faster, and when she settles back in her chair, Jin leans over and kisses her, licks cocoa from the corner of her mouth. She makes an approving noise into Jin’s mouth and lets him lead her to his bed, kissing him back with equal vigor. Jin has a hand under the back of her shirt before he’s aware of it, pressing her closer to him and stroking the soft skin there. He stretches his neck to kiss her cheek and the side of her eye where it crinkles when she smiles, and he hears her speak quietly, but clearly.
“Jin, I want you.”
Jin freezes, pulling back. “Are you serious?” he asks, watching her open her eyes and meet his.
“I wouldn’t say it if I wasn’t serious,” she says. “I want you, please.”
It’s the please that really gets him, her asking in that voice, and he leans over to pull something out of his drawer that he hasn’t needed in a long time now. “Okay,” he breathes.
“Okay, princess,” she replies, anxiously pulling him closer to her, and Jin nips at her lip at the remark. He pulls her shirt over her head and lets her return the favor; kisses along her hairline, her bare shoulder underneath his hand.
“You’ve done this before, right,” he mumbles between kisses, but he’s startled to hear a muffled “no.”
“No?” he repeats.
“No,” she says, pulling away slightly to pull off her pants. “Been waiting for you, I guess,” she says, turning back towards him.
“You should have told me, if you wanted to,” Jin says, reaching to undo her bra. “God, you know I’m just a guy.”
“That’s not it,” she says quietly, not shy as her breasts are exposed. Jin touches them, cupping them in his hands, all soft and round and warm, and she stutters out her next words. “Unconsciously - subconsciously. I never wanted to do it with anyone else-” she gasps as he slides his thumb over a nipple - “until you.”
Jin kisses her again, not knowing what to say.
“I must really like you,” she laughs, reaching to undo the fly of his jeans.
Once they’re both rid of clothing, Jin’s hit again with the impact of how beautiful she is. She’s his now, only his, and he holds her close, warm skin against warm skin, her breasts pressing into his chest. He can feel her arousal as her nipples are hard against him, and feels himself harden with a groan, more so as her hands creep down to trace his abs and finger the trail of hair that leads to his cock.
She strokes him slowly, making him shudder and press his forehead to her shoulder. She’s shaking a bit with anticipation, so Jin kisses up her neck as he lays her down on the bed. He slides his leg between hers and feels her wet on his thigh, and they both groan in unison.
“Come on, Jin,” she whispers, and he doesn’t need any more urging. He rolls the condom on and guides himself between her legs, pressing slowly inside.
“Jin,” she calls, eyes shut, clutching his shoulders hard until he’s all the way in, and she wriggles experimentally. She opens her eyes and looks into Jin’s, and that’s a moment Jin will never be able to describe for his life. Not in Japanese, not in English; it’s a clarity that has no language, but also no need to be shared with anyone else.
“I love you,” Jin whispers, because no other words could fill that moment, and he starts moving. He concentrates on bringing Pi to a place she’s never been, watching her face change underneath him, watching the golden-honey sheen of her skin turn a soft pink.
They don’t speak after that, can’t, not with the way Jin is determined not to come first and the way Pi is just feeling, feeling, feeling it all. She seems to be determined not to do nothing with the way she’s running her hands down Jin’s chest; and when she starts meeting Jin’s thrusts with the smallest roll of her own hips. The sheets are becoming slippery from all the movement, and Jin’s sweat is starting to drip down onto Pi’s forehead, but they don’t stop, can’t stop, would never stop; it all feels so good. Pi can’t stop little noises from coming out of her mouth, and they’re incomprehensible, barely even syllables, but Jin knows what she means.
The first touch of Jin’s thumb to her clit has her coming around him, eyes wide with surprise before she shuts them tightly, calling his name. He slows down, having to fight that tightness, but she gasps out “Don’t stop,” and it fuels him on like nothing else. He rubs circles around that spot once she stops convulsing, and she comes again right as he lets go with a low moan.
He’s never had sex like that. All the kinky things he’s done with Maki, the thrill of doing big-breasted American girls, nothing compares to what he has with Pi. She’s stopped moving, so he pulls out and disposes of the condom, coming back to lie with her on the bed.
“I love you too,” she says quietly in his ear, glowing. She shifts, trying to find a less damp spot on the bed. “And I’ll help you do your laundry.”
“I’d rather you help me get it up again first,” he says, dirty, and she smacks him on the head.
2009.01.17-24
“Pi?” he whispered cautiously, confused. She didn’t move, and he realized that she’d fallen asleep. Carrying her to the couch was nothing, but when he covered her with a blanket, he found himself stopping and staring at her face.
He’s always been aware that she’s a pretty girl, with nice features and a nice body, but he knew she was pretty the same way he knew he was good-looking. It was just fact, not something to act on, exactly. He isn’t going to jack off to himself anytime soon, after all. He’s been looking at Pi in that manner; knowing she’s pretty, but she’s just Pi. It’s been that way for years, up until now. He never thought that a kiss could have such an impact on anyone, but here he is, seeing her delicate features for the first time.
He doesn’t know if it’s right, but he reaches out to touch her cheek and strokes smooth, clear skin with his fingertips. He brushes soft hair out of her eyes, tucking it behind her ear, and touches her cheek again, mesmerized until he hears padding footsteps and a yawn - Ryo. He retracts his hand immediately.
“Hey,” Ryo says, yawning again. “Oh. She fell asleep?”
Jin nods.
“I’m going to get a drink of water,” Ryo says, jerking his thumb towards the kitchen, and Jin follows. “Actually, you want tea?” Ryo asks over his shoulder, and Jin nods again, quiet.
“Ryo-chan,” Jin muses over his tea. “Do you think Pi’s pretty?”
Ryo raises an eyebrow. “Well, duh. I think you’d have to be blind not to. She’s got one of the nicest racks I’ve ever seen, and it’s real.”
Jin chokes a little on his tea.
-
They’re playing the “who’s hotter” game (or “who would you rather fuck” as Ryo puts it), and Jin sees it as an opportunity after they’ve said some pretty dirty things about two of their teachers. He’s pretty sure Ryo and Yuu are both sloshed enough to answer any question he’s about to present without any unnecessary suspicion, so he asks, “Maki or Pi?”
“You’re weird lately, Jin,” Ryo says, putting down his can of beer and completely falling out of the game’s usual tone. “You’re always asking weird questions about Pi.” His tone implies that he knows more than he’s letting on, but all he does is raise an eyebrow in that completely infuriating way.
“It’s about how you feel inside,” Yuu adds, sounding just as sober. “The one you love most is the most beautiful, and it’s different for everyone.”
All Jin learns that day is that his judgment sucks. He opens another can of beer.
-
After working at the coffee shop for a year, Jin hasn’t saved up enough to buy a car. He’s got no car and no girlfriend, since Maki decided to go to her first choice university after all and broke up with Jin in the process. “It’s not like you love me, anyway,” she’d said before kissing him. Jin was just a little sad to see it end, but the break-up sex was pretty good.
Though car-less and girlfriend-less, the summer of his first year in university, Jin has a promise to keep and his roommate is good enough to him to lend him his car.
“Do you remember that promise we made?”
Pi makes a face. “Which one?”
“The time you came with my family to the beach, and we climbed to the top of the pile of rocks, remember?”
“Ah, yes,” Pi smiles, nostalgic. “The sunset promise. That’s what I called it in my head, anyway. You almost fell off those rocks, too; you’re shit in those situations. Didn’t Reio once push you off a pier?”
“I learned how to swim after that,” Jin laughs. “But the promise we made-”
“I told you I liked the sea more than any place in the world, and you said you’d take me when you got a car.”
“My friend says he’ll lend me his car,” Jin explains. “I intend to make good on that promise.”
Pi can remember promises like that, but she doesn’t seem to remember kissing Jin. That, or she doesn’t want to bring it up, and Jin doesn’t really want to either.
Jin picks Pi up from her apartment in the morning, big sunglasses covering both their faces, and they stop for coffee before hitting the highway. Pi doesn’t have much confidence in Jin’s driving to start with, and when Jin backs out of the parking spot too sharply, she manages to spill half of her coffee in her lap. She yelps because it’s hot, and Jin curses and pulls back into the parking spot (too sharply, again).
“Uwahh,” Pi frets, scrambling to pick up her cup and lid. “Today’s gravity is really strong, ne!”
Jin meets her eyes and she looks back at him, and as if cued, they both burst into giggles. They giggle until Pi gasps, eyes going wide. “Bakanishi!” she exclaims, “This isn’t our car!”
They’re just lucky that the upholstery is leather. Pi sops up the mess with her beach towel and Jin cleans up any sweet residue with some wet napkins from the coffee shop. While Jin looks away, Pi changes out of her wet shorts into comfy-looking cutoff sweatpants in the backseat, not shy because she’s wearing her bathing suit underneath anyway. When they finally get on the highway, she puts her iPod on shuffle and they sing along with whatever song comes on. They sing loud and unrestrained until they get closer to the beach and Pi rolls down her window to breathe the sea air.
Ever since that kiss, Jin’s been more and more aware of Pi’s presence. The sparkle in her eyes when she’s being mischievous, how excited she gets about food, the way she can cheer him up just by being there; add this to a pretty face with pouty lips, and oh, he can’t turn a blind eye to this. He’s not sure what he should do with this sudden attraction to his best friend.
He almost forgets how to breathe when he parks and she steps out of the car, taking off her loose shirt to apply sunblock. The last time they were at the beach together, maybe he was fourteen and she was thirteen. Five years later, seeing her in a bikini…Ryo was right when he said she had a nice rack, too, Jin thinks, his face heating up.
“Jin,” she’s calling his name. “Sunblock.” She thrusts the bottle into his hand. “If you don’t put it on, you’ll get cancer and die. Or, you’ll just get ugly.”
“I will never be ugly,” Jin declares grandly, and Pi laughs.
“Do you mind doing my back?” she asks, and doesn’t seem to notice Jin drop the bottle, red-faced.
For a warm day, the beach isn’t too crowded. Jin and Pi find a nice spot to set their things down and race to the water, swimming and splashing each other. When they begin to tire, they come closer to shore where the water comes up to their chests and try to float. Jin can do it easily, but Pi kind of sucks at it no matter how much she hates to lose, so Jin sneaks up to her side and picks her up bridal-style because he can. She laughs, arms automatically rising to wrap around his neck, and he promptly drops her into the water. She sputters and chases him into deeper waters, calling him names and trying her best to dunk his head under in revenge, and he grins so widely he thinks his face might split in two.
They lay on their towels, drying as the sun drops in the sky. Jin has his sunglasses on because they’re fashionable, whereas Pi has an arm flung over her eyes, insisting that Jin’s going to get an awkward tan line like that. Jin pokes her flat stomach (and feels some nice muscle there, probably from all the dancing) and points out that a tan line from her arm won’t be much better; pokes her until she growls and swats his arm away, stubborn.
The sky is changing color as they climb up the rocks they scaled years ago. Jin follows Pi so he can catch her in case she falls, but when he thinks about it, he’s probably more likely to fall considering how nimbly she moves. She steps onto the wide, flat rock near the top of the lot and holds her arms out, face to the sky, yelling “kirei!” so loudly and suddenly that it startles Jin.
She turns around to look at him, the darkening orange hue of the sky casting a warm glow on her face. “Yell something too,” she says, full of energy. Jin feels more than alive at that moment, skin prickling with life, even, so he yells ikiteiru into the sunset.
They sit together quietly on that rock, sharing a bottle of water Pi pulls from her bag, listening to the sound of waves and the silent words of the sky. A cool breeze comes and goes, wafting though their hair. It makes Pi hug herself, and Jin puts an arm around her shoulders because it feels natural. She scoots closer, small smile on her face, and Jin thinks that he’d be content to stay like this forever.
“What are you doing tomorrow?” he asks. And the next day, and the day after that.
“Spending time with a manly man,” Pi giggles, and Jin blinks. “Huh?”
“I’m going out with Kei from the shop,” she clarifies.
“Oh,” Jin says dumbly. “Like, a date?”
“Yup, I think it’s the fourth one.” She smiles, and Jin and has to force himself to smile back.
-
“Come to think of it, I thought I saw them kissing in Shibuya the other day,” Ryo muses.
Jin feels like he’s been slapped across the face. “Ha?”
“Well, not kissing kissing.” Ryo holds up his palm, smacks a kiss on it. “Like that.”
“I don’t like him,” Jin says decisively, rubbing his nose.
“You liked him enough every time we came to his shop,” Ryo points out. “Said he was a good guy, and we always laughed at his jokes.”
“Yeah, but-” Jin can’t finish his sentence.
“But since he started getting closer to the girl you like, you can’t forgive him,” Ryo says knowingly, and Jin’s jaw drops. “Are you kidding me?” Ryo snorts at his reaction. “You are so obvious, Jin. Ever since the watermelon at my house, you’ve been acting-” Ryo’s eyes go wide, and the corners of his mouth turn up. “Something happened, didn’t it? That day, when I was sleeping.”
“No,” Jin retorts stubbornly.
“All right, all right,” Ryo says. “But what then? You want to date her instead?”
“I don’t know,” Jin says honestly. He thinks about the time Pi broke it off with Ikuta because she valued his friendship; wonders if he really does like her or if this is just a passing thing. If it is, he doesn’t want to put their friendship at risk, either.
“Then let it play out for now,” Ryo advises, taking pity on him. “Koyama has his heart in the right place; we know that much.”
-
Jin’s roommate is a good guy. He’s called Jimmy Mackey, a half-Japanese, half-American guy with broad shoulders and a height like Yuu’s. With Yuu off studying in Spain, he’s kind of grateful for their similarities, but he also enjoys their differences. Jimmy introduces him to some good music, helps him in English, goes clubbing with him. It’s actually Jimmy’s influence that leads him to submit an application for study abroad in America.
Near the end of summer, he finds out that he’s been accepted for two quarters at a university in Los Angeles. He’ll be gone from September to March, off to study English and experience the American culture.
Aside from Jimmy, he calls Yuu up to tell him first. Yuu has always been a good listener, so he ends up spilling everything to him, about Pi and Koyama and life.
“Kisses can really make people go wild,” Yuu laughs. “But seriously, Jin, you have a really good opportunity here. You can put some distance between you and Tomo-chan, sort out your feelings. If you love her when you come back, you can fight for her.”
“Six months will have passed,” Jin says uneasily. “Don’t you think-”
“If you really love her, she’ll choose you,” Yuu says firmly, and Jin feels moved. One of the things he’s always loved about Yuu is his faith in his friends.
-
Pi’s been working hard this summer, working a second job in the morning while keeping her job at the ramen shop, doing her best to save up for college since she’ll be taking exams this year. Despite that, she still makes time to come over and eat dinner at Jin’s house because she can’t resist his mother’s cooking.
They sit on the couch, watching an American movie that they’re too tired to really pay attention to. Jin wonders if it would be a good lead-in for breaking the news to her about his study abroad - he hasn’t told her yet. Speaking of English, something like that. He debates it until the female lead starts laying it onto her partner, telling him that from the first time she saw him, she knew he was too arrogant and high-strung to work with. She tells him that the mission failed this time because they couldn’t work together, and it makes Jin laugh.
“That reminds me of you,” he says. “When people find out we’ve been friends for this long, you always tell them you don’t know why you became friends with me. You always tell them I thought I was cool when I was really just a big dork.” He makes a face. “Let me tell you one thing: I was never a dork.”
“I never really mean it,” she says. “Don’t tell me your feelings are hurt. You’re the one who pushed me off the swing in the first place.”
“Of course not, stupid,” Jin retorts, wondering why he brought this up in the first place. “People just always get the wrong impression, so I hate it when you tell people that.”
“I did, though! I still think that you thought you were much cooler than you were. Who’s cool in junior high, really?” Pi yawns, a complete turnaround from her challenging tone, and Jin reaches over from his corner of the couch to rub her shoulder comfortingly.
“You were up early this morning working, right?” Jin asks. “It’s not a bad idea to take a nap right now. I’ll wake you up when my mom’s done making dinner.”
Pi nods at him with a slow smile, easily mollified, before closing her eyes and resting her head on his shoulder. Jin lowers the volume of the television before turning his head to watch his friend rest. He follows the straight line of her nose to slightly parted pink lips, down to the curve of her breast, rising and falling with slow breaths. He feels those breaths and her warmth at his side, and he’s glad to be leaving because he’s falling, fast and hard.
It scares him, a little.
-
Ryo and Pi see him off at the airport; Ryo riding the shinkansen back to Tokyo just for the last dinner they’ll have in a while. Dinner, beer, and goodbyes that aren’t really goodbyes. “Bang some hot American chicks for me,” he says lowly into Jin’s ear as he gives him a very masculine hug.
“Try not to think about how they’ll all be taller than you,” Jin smirks, but he’s glad Ryo’s here and they both know it.
They break apart and Pi tugs on the bottom of Jin’s jacket, looking like she can’t find the right words. He looks into that pouty face and catalogues it in his mind; wraps her in a hug that lifts her off her toes. “Good luck on your entrance exams, okay?” He pats her on the head, feeling silk under his fingertips.
“I’m not your dog!” she grimaces, ducking away from his hand and fiddling with her jewelry. She takes off one of her necklaces, kind of long with little black beads, and hands it to him. “Take this with you,” she says, starting to blush. Jin takes it from her and holds it up with curiosity.
“Where’d you get this?” he asks.
“I made it with Yuu-kun’s brother,” Pi answers, sounding a little proud. Yuu’s brother has recently developed an interest in designing jewelry, Jin knows. In Yuu’s absence, his little brother had been showing them a lot of his designs and prototypes. Jin fingers the little red tassel on the necklace; it looks completely out of place among all the black beads. Maybe he’ll be like that in Los Angeles, he worries.
“Anyway, I’ll lend you that,” Pi interrupts his thoughts. She looks nervous, pulling on the necklace she’s still wearing. Jin puts on his new treasure, but he can’t help asking Pi where she got the necklace she’s wearing. “Ah, it was a present,” Pi says, flustered, and she doesn’t have to add from Koyama for Jin to know.
He hugs her again because he can; doesn’t think about the time he saw her with Koyama walking down the street eating ice cream cones, hand-in-hand.
“I’ll see you,” he calls, when it’s time to go.
“I’ll e-mail you!” Pi tells him, waving, and Ryo gives him a nod. “Be safe,” he says.
Jin looks back for a second before passing through his gate, and Pi’s still waving.
-
On the second day of November, Jin makes a long distance call.
“Hello?”
“Oi, skinny monkey,” Jin grins, “congratulations on your birthday!”
“You actually got the time difference right,” Ryo laughs. “And what about you? I heard that those American cheeseburgers are doing you in. If you come back fat, I’ll leave you behind. I’m only friends with good-looking people.”
“Aw, Ryo-chan,” Jin coos. “You think I’m good-looking?”
“Shut up,” Ryo says good-naturedly. “So? Everything going okay over there?”
“Yeah, I’m having a lot of fun over here,” Jin tells him. “I’m glad I came.”
“I’m glad,” Ryo says. “You know, I know a pretty girl who misses you.”
“There’s a pretty girl over there I miss, too,” Jin says fondly.
“Entrance exams are right around the corner. You know which one she’s aiming for?”
“Yeah,” Jin smiles, “mine.” There’s a pause before Jin asks, “What, you’re just staying at home on your birthday?”
“It’s morning, idiot,” Ryo snorts. “I’m getting ready for work right now. You didn’t get the time difference right after all.”
“Congratulations on your birthday,” Jin says again, and Ryo just laughs.
-
Distance makes the heart grow fonder. It’s an English saying Jin learns, though he can’t remember if it was from one of his classes or one of his friends. It’s true all the same; he’s this many miles away from Pi but he still thinks about her more than anybody else.
When he’s not studying, there are tons of things he can occupy himself with. Los Angeles is a city of mixed cultures, and he makes friends fluent in both English and Japanese. His friendships enable him to meet a variety of people, and he learns that you don’t need to speak the same language to have sexual relations with good-looking girls.
Yuu’s a smart guy, Jin thinks, knowing study abroad would help Jin sort things out. There are hot girls all over the campus, a bit meatier than what Jin’s used to, but they have breasts and big eyes and when they go out to clubs, only dance dirty. Some of them are blonde with blue eyes, and those features easily draw Jin in. His cock and his brain are satisfied here in Los Angeles, but there’s a big void that only one person can fill. He doesn’t want to get too close to any of these girls, doesn’t want to make a commitment because he’s already committed.
It’s not just some physical attraction, Jin knows. Not being able to see Pi makes him realize that what he wants most is to always be by her side.
-
“I got in!” Pi’s voice is loud over the phone, and Jin grins. “Congratulations!” he says earnestly. “I knew you could do it.”
“Thank you,” she says. “So, did you get my last email? We went out for yakitori, ne, I bet you miss that over there.”
“Please stop talking about food in your emails,” Jin groans. Pi is grinning; he can tell through the phone. “No way,” she teases. “So, when’s the last time you had a good bowl of ramen?”
-
At the end of January, Ryo sends Jin a short email. Seems they broke up.
-
“You’re coming back to Japan in a couple of weeks,” Yuu says, voice clear over the phone. “So, what’d you figure out?”
“If I told you I left my heart in Japan, would that spell it out for you?”
“You’re a good man, Jin,” Yuu tells him.
-
It’s been six months. Six months and he hasn’t been home - he misses the taste of beer with Ryo, Yuu’s forever knowing look, Japanese food of all kinds, and Pi. But two weeks before he leaves, he can’t think about how much he misses all of that; he’s too busy wracking his brain trying to figure out what he’s supposed to bring back for everyone.
He buys Ryo a porn magazine; that’s easy. But it’s half a gag gift and only half a real one, so he can’t even say he’s done shopping for Ryo.
He can’t for the life of him decide on something to buy for Pi, though. The nice things he sees, she can get them in Japan, too. Hell, she might already have bought something like it seeing as it’s been six months. There’s food, of course; everyone knows Pi loves food, but all the pretty packaged cakes and cookies are so sweet here, not like the delicate flavors one finds in Japan. He doesn’t think Pi will like them.
He thinks of corny things like stuffed animals; Pi always wanted a dog but her family couldn’t afford to keep one. He finds a cute one in a shop, with big eyes, floppy ears and a little snout; but Pi’s nearly nineteen now, not thirteen. Besides, he thinks, maybe when they’re a little older, they can get their own dog, name it after themselves - he slaps himself mentally; he’s at least five years too early to be thinking about things like living together and marriage.
-
He runs out of time in the end; throws together some presents for Ryo, Yuu, and his mother. He ends up buying a sack full of different candies for Pi for lack of any better ideas.
He sleeps through most of the plane ride; weird dreams where he’s arguing with a boy with bad skin and a crooked nose, his comfortable recurring dream of singing on stage with a guitar in his hands, and a dream that makes him smile, eating nabe with Pi.
Ryo said he’d come pick Jin up since he’s in Tokyo for some reason or another, but Jin’s surprised to see Pi standing with him in the airport. She looks beautiful, smiling at him, and he feels pretty disgusting from his travel but he runs over to her and pulls her into a tight hug, squeezing like he’ll never let go. She doesn’t seem to mind though, if the way her arms are wrapped around Jin’s waist is any indication. Jin doesn’t know how long they’ve stayed like that when Ryo coughs, and they separate.
“I don’t want to pay extra for parking,” Ryo says, mock-annoyed, but he puts a hand on Jin’s shoulder to show how he really feels.
Jin and Pi slide into the backseat of Ryo’s car so Jin can show her what’s in his bag of souvenirs; he hands her the bag of sweets as soon as he finds it. She picks a package, examining it closely, and because she’s Pi, tears open the package and holds it out to him, offering him the first taste.
Jin doesn’t know what’s coming out of his mouth or what she’s saying, just knows that he’s here and she’s here and he’s glad to be home.
-
They’re not able to meet on Pi’s nineteenth birthday, what with the complications of classes and it being Pi’s first year at university. She comes home that weekend for a home-cooked birthday dinner at her mother’s insistence, and Jin follows her with a box of creampuffs.
“Ne, come with me somewhere,” she says, setting aside two of the four pastries for her mother and sister.
“Where?” Jin asks, but Pi is already putting on her shoes, box of creampuffs in hand, so he just follows her out the door. She doesn’t have to tell him where they’re going in the end, though. He hasn’t taken this path in years, but he doesn’t think it will ever lose its familiarity.
They reach the park where they met seven years ago, sitting down at a picnic table and eating the sweet pastries. Jin remembers always seeing couples here, how he used to want to gag when he saw them being intimate, and thinks that he’s definitely, definitely come a long way from then. Pi’s looking at the swing set as she eats quietly, Jin watching as she licks cream off her lip, and he’s mesmerized. He looks at those pretty lips a little too long and thinks about the time they kissed, wonders if Pi would remember it if he had the balls to bring it up. He doesn’t, though.
The park, Jin realizes, is an ideal place for him to confess to Pi. He’s been thinking about it for a while now, but another year’s start at university, Pi moving into her apartment closer to campus, these things have kept them apart and too occupied. Jin is forever asking himself when a good time would be. He’s waited so long he thinks he’s developed the patience of a Buddha. There’s that nagging feeling holding him back, too, the part that knows that he’s gambling with his most precious friendship by telling her he likes her.
Today, then, he’ll do it today, he tells himself. Sometimes you have to take a leap of faith in order to get places. Telling himself to do it just makes him more nervous, and he feels like Pi is being strangely quiet too, as they finish their dessert and throw the box away, heading over to sit on the swings.
Jin rocks back and forth anxiously on his swing. Do it, do it, do it. Do it, do it do it do it-
“Ne, Jin,” Pi says, breaking the silence, looking at him.
“Yeah?” Jin says, startled from his thoughts.
“I like you,” she says, biting her lip. “That way. I really like you.”
Jin stops moving. “What?” he asks disbelievingly, voice rough.
Pi seems to get smaller, clearly mistaking Jin’s tone. “Well, I mean. It doesn’t have to change anything, just. When you were gone, I-”
“Hold on,” Jin says incredulously. “You were the one who broke up with Ikuta because you valued your friendship and all.”
Pi cringes visibly. “I know, but this. This is different.”
Jin finds himself moving before he even thinks about it, knees in the sand by Pi’s feet, holding her hands in his. “Do you really like me?”
“Yes,” she says, blushing pink, and Jin pulls her to her feet, looks into her eyes, keeping her hands in his.
“Yamashita Tomoko,” he starts, “I like you more than anyone else in this world.”
Her breath hitches; Jin can see it. With the ice broken, he doesn’t know what he’d been worrying about. “If you were a boy, if I were a girl, if you only spoke Japanese and I only knew English, no matter what - I’d still love you this much, and I would still only want to be with you.”
He breathes.
“Don’t call me that,” she says, smiling, and it’s the most natural thing in the world for them to pull each other close and kiss.
-
“Kissing in front of the swing set at night,” Ryo says. “I don’t know whether to gag or cheer. That sounds corny as fuck, but I’m happy for the both of you.”
“I’m the happiest bastard I know right now,” Jin says, phone pressed to his ear as he butters his toast. “Anyway, I have to get to class. Good luck with that presentation or whatever, okay?”
“As long as I’m not you, I’ll be fine,” Ryo says. “But seriously, she’s okay with your weight, Fat Jin? You better not be putting butter on your toast.”
Jin hangs up on him.
-
It’s kind of surprising how not much has changed. They’re still the same people, still best friends who joke and fight, but knowing how he feels about Pi and having her return it, that’s something special. That, and the touching. When they hold each other, when they kiss, that’s not something Jin can get from just anyone.
Jin’s never been big on talking about feelings, but that’s what he thinks.
“It’s not working out because it’s easy,” Pi says. “It’s working out because it’s us.”
“You think we’re glad? My mother is ecstatic,” he tells her, and she laughs.
-
Time seems to go by fast. They go to the beach again that summer, kissing at their place on the rocks. As the sun disappears from the sky, Jin watches Pi carve a big heart in the sand with her foot.
He thinks about sex with Pi sometimes - when is he not thinking about sex? - but Pi isn’t just any girl. It’s working out well with the kissing and their mothers’ blessings, but sex is a whole different level and with Pi, it kind of scares him. It’s as if doing it is akin to crossing a bridge made of a rotten log. If you can get across, you can probably do anything, but it seems like it’d be easy to fall and lose it all. It’s like that, or like crossing an invisible bridge trusting your faith alone. Jin saw that in an American movie once, but he’s no Indiana Jones.
He thinks about taking Pi to bed, her eyes shy on him, all quiet and breathless. But that just brings back memories of when he was fourteen and getting ready to pierce Pi’s ears. She fidgeted at first, as he sterilized the needle and earrings with alcohol and held ice to her ear, but when he said he was ready, she’d trusted him and lain still on his bed. He’d poked the needle through, trying to do it quickly, but when it reached the slice of apple behind her ear, blood leaked out of the hole. He winced and glanced over at Pi, who was biting her lip. He didn’t need to ask if it hurt based on the look on her face, but her hate-to-lose character prevented her from saying anything. Jin was grateful for that; this was nerve-wracking enough as it was.
“It’s bleeding,” he reported, and Pi flinched. “Clean it with alcohol and put the earring in,” she instructed calmly, eyes closed, and Jin thought he might be sweating, with another ear to do, too.
Once it was done, Pi stood up, a little woozy, and looked in the mirror. She yelped out loud, and Jin cringed. “Bakanishi!” she frowned. “Isn’t this too low?” She grasped her earring lightly before pulling her hand away because the skin was still tender.
“You could let it close up and we could try it again,” Jin offered meekly. “Maybe a professional should do it instead, ne?”
“No way,” Pi frowned. “It’s not that bad. At least it’s even.” She rounded on him. “I’ll do yours the way you should have done mine, though.”
And when he looks at his ears now, six years later, they do look like they’ve been done by a professional. Leave it to Pi to get things done right, he thinks wryly. It’s because of things like this that he’s sometimes afraid of his own underperformance.
-
At the end of summer, Jimmy goes to New York to study, leaving Jin with an empty apartment. Pi comes over in her free time to study with him and keep him company, but a fair few times they’ve found themselves making out on Jin’s bed, his hand up her shirt.
In December, they celebrate the end of exams with peppermint cocoa. Jin says something that makes Pi laugh just as she’s taking a sip, and she misses her mark, spilling hot cocoa on her mouth and on the table. “Bakanishi!” she whines even though she’s at fault, reaching for napkins to clean it up.
Seeing her flustered makes Jin’s heart beat a little faster, and when she settles back in her chair, Jin leans over and kisses her, licks cocoa from the corner of her mouth. She makes an approving noise into Jin’s mouth and lets him lead her to his bed, kissing him back with equal vigor. Jin has a hand under the back of her shirt before he’s aware of it, pressing her closer to him and stroking the soft skin there. He stretches his neck to kiss her cheek and the side of her eye where it crinkles when she smiles, and he hears her speak quietly, but clearly.
“Jin, I want you.”
Jin freezes, pulling back. “Are you serious?” he asks, watching her open her eyes and meet his.
“I wouldn’t say it if I wasn’t serious,” she says. “I want you, please.”
It’s the please that really gets him, her asking in that voice, and he leans over to pull something out of his drawer that he hasn’t needed in a long time now. “Okay,” he breathes.
“Okay, princess,” she replies, anxiously pulling him closer to her, and Jin nips at her lip at the remark. He pulls her shirt over her head and lets her return the favor; kisses along her hairline, her bare shoulder underneath his hand.
“You’ve done this before, right,” he mumbles between kisses, but he’s startled to hear a muffled “no.”
“No?” he repeats.
“No,” she says, pulling away slightly to pull off her pants. “Been waiting for you, I guess,” she says, turning back towards him.
“You should have told me, if you wanted to,” Jin says, reaching to undo her bra. “God, you know I’m just a guy.”
“That’s not it,” she says quietly, not shy as her breasts are exposed. Jin touches them, cupping them in his hands, all soft and round and warm, and she stutters out her next words. “Unconsciously - subconsciously. I never wanted to do it with anyone else-” she gasps as he slides his thumb over a nipple - “until you.”
Jin kisses her again, not knowing what to say.
“I must really like you,” she laughs, reaching to undo the fly of his jeans.
Once they’re both rid of clothing, Jin’s hit again with the impact of how beautiful she is. She’s his now, only his, and he holds her close, warm skin against warm skin, her breasts pressing into his chest. He can feel her arousal as her nipples are hard against him, and feels himself harden with a groan, more so as her hands creep down to trace his abs and finger the trail of hair that leads to his cock.
She strokes him slowly, making him shudder and press his forehead to her shoulder. She’s shaking a bit with anticipation, so Jin kisses up her neck as he lays her down on the bed. He slides his leg between hers and feels her wet on his thigh, and they both groan in unison.
“Come on, Jin,” she whispers, and he doesn’t need any more urging. He rolls the condom on and guides himself between her legs, pressing slowly inside.
“Jin,” she calls, eyes shut, clutching his shoulders hard until he’s all the way in, and she wriggles experimentally. She opens her eyes and looks into Jin’s, and that’s a moment Jin will never be able to describe for his life. Not in Japanese, not in English; it’s a clarity that has no language, but also no need to be shared with anyone else.
“I love you,” Jin whispers, because no other words could fill that moment, and he starts moving. He concentrates on bringing Pi to a place she’s never been, watching her face change underneath him, watching the golden-honey sheen of her skin turn a soft pink.
They don’t speak after that, can’t, not with the way Jin is determined not to come first and the way Pi is just feeling, feeling, feeling it all. She seems to be determined not to do nothing with the way she’s running her hands down Jin’s chest; and when she starts meeting Jin’s thrusts with the smallest roll of her own hips. The sheets are becoming slippery from all the movement, and Jin’s sweat is starting to drip down onto Pi’s forehead, but they don’t stop, can’t stop, would never stop; it all feels so good. Pi can’t stop little noises from coming out of her mouth, and they’re incomprehensible, barely even syllables, but Jin knows what she means.
The first touch of Jin’s thumb to her clit has her coming around him, eyes wide with surprise before she shuts them tightly, calling his name. He slows down, having to fight that tightness, but she gasps out “Don’t stop,” and it fuels him on like nothing else. He rubs circles around that spot once she stops convulsing, and she comes again right as he lets go with a low moan.
He’s never had sex like that. All the kinky things he’s done with Maki, the thrill of doing big-breasted American girls, nothing compares to what he has with Pi. She’s stopped moving, so he pulls out and disposes of the condom, coming back to lie with her on the bed.
“I love you too,” she says quietly in his ear, glowing. She shifts, trying to find a less damp spot on the bed. “And I’ll help you do your laundry.”
“I’d rather you help me get it up again first,” he says, dirty, and she smacks him on the head.
2009.01.17-24