Fic: Diers Anonymous
Title: Diers Anonymous
Spoilers: Vague mentions of IWTB
Keywords: Post-IWTB, XF/Multiple universe crossover.
Category: CHA
Summary: What would happen if a bunch of TV characters who have a tendency to die and come back to life all went to the same therapy group for their condition?
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: I don't own any of these characters or their associated universes.
Archive: Sure, but please ask me first.
Feedback: Would be fantastic! You can reach me at pomme_noire [at] hotmail.com
Author's Note: Thanks are owed to mack_the_spoon for helping me develop this idea's starting point. Thank you to belsum as well for her insightful comments and suggestions!
Also, I admit freely that I am using TV and movies as guidelines for how support groups work, and therefore I might be entirely wrong about it.
[Scene: a large, sparsely-decorated room with a circle of chairs in the center. A sign on the wall reads “DA” in large letters, with a tombstone crossed out. The MODERATOR - a young, blonde, intelligent-looking woman - is seated, looking up at the clock occasionally. It is five minutes to the hour.]
MODERATOR: [mutters, pulls out clipboard with roll sheet] Where is everyone?
[A sound makes the MODERATOR look up - the door has opened, and people begin to file in. First to arrive and be seated is a relatively cheerful-looking CAPTAIN JACK HARKNESS, who is just ending a cell phone conversation. Close behind him come CLAIRE BENNET and BUFFY SUMMERS, both looking unenthusiastic but glancing at JACK with interest.]
MODERATOR: Ah, Jack, Claire, Buffy! Welcome. Have a seat.
JACK: (brightly) Yes, ma'am.
[The three of them take their seats. BUFFY is quite preoccupied as she sits next to CLAIRE, who is fidgeting.]
[The door opens again, and DR. DANIEL JACKSON, SYDNEY BRISTOW, and HARRY POTTER all enter. DANIEL and SYDNEY are having a literary discussion, which they break off upon entering the room. HARRY looks up at the poster on the wall, smiles slightly, and sits down near BUFFY.]
MODERATOR: Welcome! Everyone's almost here, so - [She is interrupted by the arrival of THE MASTER and PETER PETRELLI. CLAIRE looks up at PETER, but looks away quickly. THE MASTER is smirking, and when he sees JACK, his smirk gets wider. JACK is now glowering.]
JACK: Do we have to have him here?
THE MASTER: (bitingly) Oh, like I enjoy having you here, Captain?
MODERATOR: (with reproach) I've told you two this before - this meeting is a safe place for everyone. We leave aside our rivalries and enmities at the door so that we all have the best chance to work through our problems. All right?
JACK: (grudgingly) All right.
THE MASTER: Fine.
[They sit down, just as MULDER and THE DOCTOR walk in, deep in conversation. MULDER immediately notices THE MASTER staring at THE DOCTOR, but THE DOCTOR only notices after he realizes MULDER has stopped paying attention to their conversation. THE DOCTOR trails off and returns THE MASTER's glare, but says nothing. The two sit down... purposefully as far away from THE MASTER as possible.]
[The MODERATOR looks at the clock - it is now a few minutes past the hour. The group has fallen silent. DANIEL looks to be trying to solve a problem in his head as he sits.]
MODERATOR: [looks down at clipboard] All right, let's get started. I don't see Dean, Duncan, John, Methos, Westley, Adam, or Sylar, but they can join us later if they choose.
[At the mention of SYLAR, CLAIRE and PETER look up and around, obviously pleased when they don't see him in the room. The MODERATOR notices, but decides to refrain from commenting.]
MODERATOR: So... it's been a week since our last meeting. How has everyone been? Who would like to share first about their week?
[THE DOCTOR raises his hand excitedly.]
MODERATOR: Yes, Doctor?
THE DOCTOR: I met J.K. Rowling two days ago. She's brilliant! She wouldn't tell me if she's really going to write more Ha-- [he glances at HARRY, who looks faintly confused] - more books in the same series, but she did seem pleased that I liked the seventh book so much. Really wonderful woman.
BUFFY: (mutters) Lucky.
MODERATOR: Wonderful. Thank you, Doctor. [THE MASTER sighs loudly, looking disgusted.] Did you have something to say, Harold?
THE MASTER: (scoffs) Oh, come on! If you're going to call him “Doctor”, you can call me “Master.” It's hardly fair, otherwise!
MODERATOR: (soothingly) All right, I'm sorry, Harold. I'll call him John. (looking slightly annoyed) If you both would just tell us your real names like you're supposed to, this kind of problem wouldn't come up.
[Both Time Lords close their mouths, glaring at each other briefly before shaking their heads.]
MODERATOR: (sighs) Fine. I wish I could convince you that this is a safe environment, that you can let your guard down, but we'll move on.
[Several group members, including BUFFY, HARRY, and MULDER, have either been rolling their eyes or mouthing along with the MODERATOR as she finishes her last sentence. The MODERATOR turns her attention to HARRY.]
MODERATOR: Harry. How about your week?
HARRY: Er, it was fine, I guess. (fidgets) Just... helped the Weasleys get things back together, at their house.
MODERATOR: That's good. I'm glad you're helping your friends, Harry. We've been talking about how we need to get out and be with our friends. Even if they don't quite understand what we're going through, they need us, and we need them. (turns to SYDNEY) Sydney, how was your week?
SYDNEY: (smiling) It was great. Um, Vaughn and I just stayed at home with the kids for the most part. Marshall came to visit for dinner on Friday, and we had a great time.
[MULDER stares at her wistfully, looking especially sad at the word “kids.” Many other group members also seem a bit jealous.]
MODERATOR: Wonderful. It sounds like you're making real progress. Well, let's move on. Does anyone want to share a low point of their week, a struggle they've been having? [There is silence.] We're all here for each other, you know. [Still silent.] Fine, we'll split off into smaller groups for this part.
[Chairs scrape against the floor as everyone stands up. The MODERATOR directs the group to break up, making sure to keep THE MASTER out of THE DOCTOR and JACK's group. MULDER, BUFFY, and THE MASTER end up in one group, CLAIRE, SYDNEY, JACK, and DANIEL in another, and PETER, THE DOCTOR, and HARRY in the last.]
MODERATOR: Okay. I'll come around to each of the groups in just a minute and see how you're doing. [She sits back in her chair and waits. As each group begins to converse in low voices, she smiles in satisfaction.]
[Suddenly, a commotion arises in the first group.]
BUFFY: (in a loud enough voice to carry) Yeah, well, it's a little different when you weren't expecting or even really hoping to come back to life, Harold. Not all of us are just-about-immortal, time-traveling aliens.
THE MASTER: I told you to call me “Master”! And just because I wanted to come back to life doesn't mean--
BUFFY: (interrupts, leaning back in her chair) I am not calling yet another psychopath villain “Master.” (lowers her voice slightly} Can't anyone come up with a creative name when they decide to try to rule the universe?
THE MASTER: Oh, you're obviously right - your name could certainly be called “creative.”
MULDER: (jumps in quickly) It's not like she chose the name, pal.
BUFFY: And I'm not exactly trying to rule the universe, either.
[The MODERATOR practically runs to this group. The other groups are looking on interestedly, their own conversations forgotten.]
MODERATOR: (hastily) It sounds like you three have really stirred up some issues here, and that's wonderful. But remember, this isn't a place to attack people. We need to listen to each other. Now, Harold, what were you saying that Buffy reacted so strongly to?
THE MASTER: (sulking) Never mind.
MODERATOR: Come on. I think it would be good for you to get it out - don't you?
THE MASTER: (after a pause) Fine. [He glances up at the MODERATOR, and the other group members, who are watching.] It's... it's just that-- after all the lives I've lived, I've still never had one that I was really able to enjoy fully.
THE DOCTOR: (standing up, coldly furious) Maybe that's because of what you chose to make of your lives, Master. You had as much potential as any of us.
MODERATOR: John, let's not gang up on Harold. Let him finish, and then you can talk if you want.
[THE DOCTOR sits down silently.]
THE MASTER: (sarcastic) Thank you. As I was saying, I... guess I just think I could have done so much more with my lives, if I'd only had more people who took the effort to understand what I was going through. [He sniffs, and appears very sad. THE DOCTOR is unimpressed.]
MODERATOR: Thank you for sharing that, Harold. I appreciate you being vulnerable enough to do that. [She turns to face THE DOCTOR, and behind her back, THE MASTER smirks again, then rolls his eyes.] John, did you have something you wanted to say in response?
[THE DOCTOR opens his mouth, then thinks better of it and shakes his head.]
MODERATOR: And Buffy? You seemed to react... rather strongly to Harold. Would you like to share with the group?
BUFFY: (smiling sweetly) No, that's all right. I wouldn't want to gang up on him.
MODERATOR: (raises eyebrows, but moves on) All right. Does anyone else feel like they can be vulnerable and share something that they've been struggling with?
[DANIEL raises his hand.]
MODERATOR: Yes, Daniel?
DANIEL: Um, well, I just... I know this isn't quite what you were asking for, but I guess you could say that I'm struggling with what he just said.
MODERATOR: How so?
DANIEL: I don't mean to be antagonistic... but I thought part of the point of these sessions was for us to all take responsibility for the things and the people we've hurt in the course of our, um, lives. And it sounded like he was trying to blame his failings on other people.
[THE MASTER looks faintly annoyed that his act has had holes poked in it.]
JACK: Hear, hear.
[There are murmurs of agreement from other group members, as well.]
MODERATOR: That is a good point, Daniel. But we all have to start somewhere, and this might be the best place for Harold to begin. I'm glad you remembered that about the purpose of this group, though. It's something we should all keep in mind. [Pause] Anyone else have a struggle they would like to share? Claire? Peter? You've both been very quiet tonight.
CLAIRE: No, things have been going fine.
MODERATOR: You and your family are adjusting to everything?
CLAIRE: Oh, yeah. [She manages to hide the sarcasm almost perfectly.] It wasn't easy, but I think we're starting to adjust.
MODERATOR: Good. (turning to Peter) How about you, Peter?
PETER: (looks rather uncomfortable) Things are kind of complicated right now with my family. I... I don't really want to talk about it.
MODERATOR: That's fine. Sometimes the best thing to do is just wait and see if things settle down.
[PETER looks like he doesn't think that's very likely, but he just nods.]
MODERATOR: And Fox, how are things going for you and Dana?
MULDER: (winces almost imperceptibly at her use of first names) Uh, things are going fine. We just got back from our vacation. I think... I think it was good for us.
MODERATOR: That's wonderful! I'm so glad to hear it. [She looks around at all the group.] Well, I think we're just about out of time for the week. I want you to break into your small groups again, and just talk to each other about what your expectations and hopes are for the week. Then we'll close up shop for the day.
[The groups turn back to face each other.]
THE MASTER: [to MULDER] You know, Fox, I wonder why your Dana doesn't come to this group with you. Too busy? In denial?
MULDER: (bristles) Not that it's any of your business, but she hasn't gotten herself killed a bunch of times like I have. She's been close to death more times than I care to think about, but she's always made it through.
THE MASTER: Hmm. That's interesting. [He sits back in his chair.]
MULDER: What? [His fists are clenched.]
THE MASTER: Nothing. Just... you don't think that says something about her, the way she's avoided death so nearly, so many times? Maybe she's even more death-resistant than you.
MULDER: (speaking calmly with great effort) What are you talking about?
BUFFY: Hey.
[MULDER breaks eye contact with THE MASTER and turns to look at BUFFY.]
BUFFY: He's just baiting you. He doesn't know what he's talking about.
[MULDER takes a deep breath and nods once, then turns back to glare at THE MASTER.]
THE MASTER: Go ahead and believe what Miss Vampire Slayer says, if I'm making you nervous.
[MULDER still looks tense, but says nothing. Seeing the MODERATOR approaching their group, BUFFY jumps in.]
BUFFY: And then hopefully I'll get to spend some time just with Dawn, this weekend.
[The MODERATOR smiles, just catching this last part. She meets each group member's eyes, then moves on to the next group, which is SYDNEY, JACK, CLAIRE, and DANIEL.]
SYDNEY: I'm going to take Isabelle to the doctor on Monday. (a bit nervous) I don't think she's sick, but... I'm a little worried about her. It's probably nothing.
CLAIRE: What's wrong?
SYDNEY: I just want to be sure she's growing and developing normally.
JACK: Is Vaughn going with you?
SYDNEY: [looks at the floor] Um... no. He'll be out of town that day. I didn't tell him about the appointment.
MODERATOR: Sydney, I know you've had good reasons to keep secrets for most of your life, but don't you think this kind of worry is something you should share with your husband?
SYDNEY: I do, it's just... I don't want him to worry, too.
MODERATOR: Well, let me encourage you to tell him about it before you go. [She looks up at the clock. It is on the hour.]
MODERATOR: (more loudly, to the entire group) Okay, everyone, time's up for the evening. Please put your chairs back in a circle before you go, and see you all next week!
[As everyone begins to move their chairs, HARRY absently Banishes his back into position, without saying a spell out loud. PETER smiles slightly, and shifts his the rest of the way telekinetically.]
CLAIRE: (rolls her eyes) Showoffs.
THE DOCTOR: Jack, d'you need a lift back to Cardiff?
JACK: (grins) Well, I sure won't say no to a chance to take a TARDIS trip.
[THE MASTER sweeps past them out the door, with a disdainful glare as he does so.]
PETER: (hesitantly) I could take you home if you want, Claire.
CLAIRE: Um... sure. Okay. It isn't raining, is it? [They exit.]
SYDNEY: (to the remaining group members) I brought the jet this time - the one that used to get me from Nepal to LA in less than twelve hours - and there are plenty of seats available.
DANIEL: Yeah. How - how does that work, exactly?
SYDNEY: It probably has something to do with Rambaldi, but I'm not actually sure.
BUFFY: Rambo who?
SYDNEY: (smiles wryly) Long story.
[MULDER is obviously intrigued, but says nothing as they all head out the door. The MODERATOR watches them leave with a small smile of her own.]
MODERATOR: [to herself] Well, that was interesting... as usual. [She opens her cell phone.] Hey, it's me. Session's over. Come pick me up? (pauses, listens) Great. [She goes to the coat rack in the corner, picks up her coat, and also a pair of sai. Then she leaves the room.]
~~~~
Author's Note 2: I felt as though I couldn't in good conscience include characters in the group meeting for shows I haven't watched, or of which I've only watched a bit. I apologize therefore if your favorite character who dies and comes back to life frequently is only barely mentioned in this story. Also, I know there isn't a lot of Peter and Claire, and no Sylar. That's because I have stopped watching Heroes for a variety of reasons.
In addition, I know the version of the Master played by John Simm has died and didn't regenerate, but we all know he'll be back, and this is the incarnation of the Master with whom I'm most familiar.